Love Mechanics

Chapter 7. The things that have changed.

[Vee Vivis]

I stand in front of my pretty girlfriend's room, whom I haven't met in several days. I don't know what she's up to, but I rang the bell a while ago, and no one answered. I sent her a Line message last night, but I still haven't received a reply. She didn't pick up my call this morning either. How can I not come over to see how she's doing then? Even though we don't see each other often, I'm still not used to being apart.

"Here to see your girl?" A deep voice from the room beside me draws my attention. The man, with a good physique and wearing a university uniform, asks me, the same person who has been confusing my life these days.

When Ploy's busy, I think of him, or even when Ploy is with me, I still think of him. I feel the word "jerk" is slowly floating towards my forehead, though I ignore it. I send what I believe is the most arresting smile to the junior I've become close to and reply to him.

"Yeah, but she isn't answering the door."

"Then why don't you call her?" He sends me a look as if to say You're such an idiot for standing there ringing the doorbell, when you could've just called her.

"I've called her, but she doesn't pick up," I explain to him and send him a similar look. In my mind, I want to say to him I ain't no idiot. I've exhausted all options, and this remains the only viable solution. It's as if we understand one another, since he nods and turns his back to me.

"Are you going out?" I ask the person who's about to walk out of his room.

"Yeah, I haven't eaten breakfast yet." Do I have to set off fireworks in celebration? He mentions it to me, even without me having to ask. He says he's going for a meal, even though I didn't imply anything. I look at my watch, which shows 8 o'clock, and look at my girlfriend's room once again.

"I'll go with you." My words make Mark's brows furrow. His reaction is not surprising, but what's surprising is that I want to go with him. We've gone here and there together quite often. I'm the one who brings him along each time, whether it's a faculty event, department gathering, or for some private matter. He might think it's a coincidence that we encounter each other frequently, or that it's inevitable to see each other, but I'd like to say that there's no such thing as coincidence in this world. 

Everything has a reason in itself. Even though I can't find the reason for my actions now, there's a logic behind it. Therefore, I've gotta keep on doing this to find the reason.

My behaviour might seem selfish, but our relationship status now is simply senior and junior, while the status of Ploy and me remains unchanged. I'll not consider my actions as wrong. I'm not cheating on Ploy, since I don't like Mark. I can confirm that I don't want him. I see him merely as a male Junior.

As for the feeling of guilt, it's certainly still stuck in my mind. I don't really want to admit it, but it's one of the reasons why I approach Mark. I scolded him a lot about the matter with P'Bar, and I treated him a bit too harshly. After that episode, he looked dazed and out of it, so I invited him here and there, hoping that he'd feel better. Although he seemed reluctant to go at first, he eventually relented upon my strong urging. But this time I didn't urge him at all. He's the one who led the way.

"How are you heading to class?" I ask him when I see him waiting for something. He didn't go to the parking lot either, indicating that he doesn't have a car.

"I'm waiting for James and others to come pick me up." I received the reply.

"Your friend's got a car?" I ask him again, receiving a weary look from him and a soft answer from his throat.

"Yeah."

"And why don't you have a car?"

"..." He responds with silence, which signals that I shouldn't meddle any further.

"You wanna go with me? Your friends might not get here in time.

Aren't you guys in different faculties?" I invite him as I point towards my trusty vehicle.

"Their faculties are not far from ours." He answers. True though, our faculty is smack in the middle, with many surrounding faculties.

"The point is, do you wanna come with me?" I ask him again, suppressing my voice in a way that he could also probably detect.

"...Yeah."

I bring Mark along in my car to the cafeteria. On the way, he spoke to his friend on the phone, perhaps to tell them not to come pick him up. I wave at Pond and Nuea, who are sitting at a table, before turning to the junior beside me, who follows me without a word.

"Hello, P'." He greets my friends with a wai as soon as we arrive at the table. And what about me? He's never given me a wai before. I should be grateful that he at least addresses me as P'.

"Oh, how'd you guys come together?" Nuea asks and looks at me for an answer.

"I went to see Ploy, but she wasn't there. This dude came out of the room, so we ended up coming together." I explain.

"Fuckkk. Mark was in Ploy's room?" Nuea questions further, though Pond sits silently and keeps his cool. He's the head prefect, after all.

"The hell are you thinking, man? They're neighbours. If they were in the same room, you think I'd be taking him to eat here with me?" I snap at Nuea.

"Oh, yeah. I didn't think about that." My friend never changes.

Mark doesn't say a word and goes to buy his food before coming back to eat silently, in contrast to us, who chat away as we have our meal, whether it's about studies, girls, or nonsense. I'm really close to these two guys, just behind Bar. But Bar isn't in my life these days, since he's so attached to his boyfriend.

"Look at them...how much more lovey-dovey can they get? If Bar were a girl, he'd get knocked up before marriage for sure." Nuea says as he hands over his phone for me to see. I lean over to look at the sweet status that the couple uploaded, and frown at the phone.

"Let me scold them a bit," I say as I comment on Dew's page, who uploaded the developments of the two. At the same time, Ploy responds to my chat, so I reply a few words back to her before getting back to the comments. I glance at the person beside me, who's eating silently as if he's disinterested, till he finishes eating.

"I'll be off." He says before standing up. My friends and look up at him.

"Um..." I swallow my words as I see his eyes looking at my phone.

I don't know what those eyes are trying to convey, nor the feelings I have right now, nor why I want to distract him away from the phone. "I'll see you off," I say as I turn the screen off. I see Ploy's chat telling me to study hard, though I don't reply. He looks at me and furrows his brows.

"See him off?" Nuea asks as he stands up and looks towards us.

"Why can't I?" I turn to my friend and reply.

"I just wanna know why you need to see him off."

"'Cause I want to."

"No need. I'll go by myself." Mark says as he turns around and walks away. I look at him calmly, though feelings of frustration boil up. I thought he said he got over him already. What does this mean then?

"Mark! I'll go with you. I wanna discuss the study sheets."

I turn to glance at the handsome face of my friend in front of me. Mark? Nuea? When did you two become close, anyway?

"Since when did they become close?" I ask Pond who's still eating. As I see the two who are walking away and talking, I have to shut my eyes tight. Mark likes guys, while Nuea can do it with both girls and guys. And me... what have I got to do with them?

"Mark is Yeewa's junior line, while Yeewa and Nuea are the junior lines of P'Pae. Since Yeewa is Mark's senior mentor, Nuea also took care of him."

"So that's how Nuea got close to Mark?"

"Yeah." Why did he have to be so long-winded? All he needed to say was just that they're in the same senior-junior group. I sigh as I see them walking side by side.

Just in the same senior-junior group...

I let out a yawn as the professor yaps on about the project we have to submit before the midterm exams. Speaking of the project, I'm nearly done with it, since Bar and I started working on it early, so that we'd have more time to prepare for the exams.

I let the professor's words pass through my ears and just ignore them, instead picking up my phone to answer my girlfriend's chat, which had been sent since morning, telling me to study hard. Ploy hasn't been replying to my text messages recently, although the application indicates that she's read them. It's strange... no matter what I send, she reads them all. But why doesn't my petite one reply back? I choose to take my mind off the negative thoughts that occur in my mind, instead focusing on the news feed, and come across my friend's status.

Northh

2 hrs

Study hard, good boy with Masa Mark 140 likes 7 comments

Winnie the Pooh: Who's this senior Masa Mark

Masa Mark: My senior-junior group 

Winnie the Pooh Thank you for the advice Northh

Northh: My pleasure

Dolphin: Good boy or your boy, fucker?

Northh: Don't ask for it. He's my faculty junior.

Dolphin: Then I'll hit on him. Can I? Masa Mark 

Winnie the Pooh: Go ahead he's feeling sensitive now.

This Winnie dude really deserves a proper beating. I let out a Hmph after looking towards Nuea. He's sitting in front of me, dabbing with his phone. If I were to venture a guess, I'd be correct in assuming who he's chatting with. But why is this making me so frustrated? I feel even more upset seeing my friend's post.

"That's all for today. I hope no one requests a postponement of the project submission deadline, because I definitely won't allow that. Class dismissed." Several students moan as he finishes speaking. My group of friends gather around to discuss where to go for lunch.

"So, where should we go? Bar's not coming." Kla says dejectedly as he sits back in his seat.

"There's only one class today. I think yesterday he stayed over at the doctor's place." Pond says.

"Let's just go to the cafeteria. Pin said it's not crowded now."

Yeewa suggests and shows us her phone screen.

We move ourselves out of the classroom and head towards the cafeteria. There are really not that many people, perhaps because our class finished late, so it's become less crowded. We go to our usual table where Pin and you are already seated.

"Why did you guys finish so late?" You ask as we all take our seats.

"The professor talked more about the project. I'm so hungry I could eat a horse." Pan replies as she surveys the food shops.

"Go ahead and get what you want. They might run out of food, and a glutton like you just starve to death." Kla mocks Pan, who makes a face at Kla before silently mouthing a swear word.

"This is why you don't have a husband. A pretty face but an ugly mouth."

"I censored you out just now. I wish your words reflect right back at you. You deserve those words." Pan snaps back at Kla before heading out to look for food.

"Sure, it reflects right back at my mind. Just say it if you wanna eat." Kla complains softly. I can only shake my head upon hearing the rude exchange between my friends. It's not that I can't take it, but it's simply just out of pure annoyance. We talk using this flowery language every day. At first, Yeewa and Pan couldn't take it, but before long, they've become even ruder than us.

"Aren't you eating?" Nuea turns to me and asks. 

"I will. So freakin' hungry. You?" I don't realise when I've become concerned about the well-being of my friend, but I spot a candy pouch of some sort in front of him before asking him back.

"Mark brought me some goodies, so I don't think I'll have anything."

His answer makes my eyes flicker a bit, along with a soft voice that enters my head. When did they find the time to see each other?

"I also got one. When did he give it to you? He was complaining that he couldn't find you." Yeewa says as she lifts a similar-looking pouch.

"Yeah, just now when I went to the toilet, I ran into him," Nuea answers Yeewa and opens the pouch.

"Oh, my...our P'Nuea is full already." You tease and lean over to see what's in the pouch. He smiles mockingly at Nuea, who remains calm. Nuea just nods as if to acknowledge the words before taking out the sweets.

"Share among your friends, too." Pin says before sticking out his hand. "I've had my meal but not yet dessert."

"Why should I give you? They're for me." Nuea says as he holds back the sweets, but I cannot make out what they are. They are round balls that are expensive. But it doesn't matter what the price is; that's not important at all. What I should pay attention to now is my feelings. Why does my head feel so hot just because my friend got some goodies from that fella?

"Look at you these days." You say as he waves a finger in Nuea's face. Nuea swipes it away and glares back at him, seemingly frustrated, though he keeps smiling.

"Just don't elevate his status to more than the senior-junior group relationship, P'Nuea." Pond teases as Nuea replies with a smile and a slow nod.

"Make him an exception, please. Otherwise, just settle down with someone, so you don't go around flirting with everyone. It's so despicable." Kla scolds.

"Why pick on me? There's that Prom King couple for you guys to vent your frustrations at." Prior to Kan asking Bar out, Nuea was our main target, as he had a reputation for sleeping around with both women and men. 

He'd approach everyone who caught his eye. I once saw his chat boxes and nearly threw his phone away. But once Kan asked Bar out, our attention turned more towards that couple. After all... that Prom King doctor is so handsome, and our Bar played hard to get. No wonder they became our new target of derision.

"A tiger never changes its stripes. We can't stop deriding him." Yeewa suggests.

"Oh...pretty lady. Don't say such things. I may give my Line contact to others freely, but I won't give away my heart so easily." Nuea quips and winks at Yeewa.

"You bastard, why can't you be like my Daddy here...P'Vee, the handsome man with a kind heart, having eyes just for one girl." I flash a smile upon hearing Kla's words and look down at my phone, which shows Ploy's message right at that moment. I reply to her, saying that I'm having a meal. She reads it but doesn't reply.

"It's the colour of life. If I behave like Daddy Vee, I'm sure to get fed up with Ploy before long."

"Hey, watch it. What did my Daddy do to you? Look at his face before saying such things. He's clearly a one-woman man."

"How annoying." I retort curtly and look towards Nuea, who smiles at me and waves his hands in apology.

"He's playing hard to get. Look...I can't even touch him. Are you afraid your handsomeness will get stuck to me and your wife won't be able to find it?" Pan teases, even as her finger is pressed against my shoulder.

"I said I'm annoyed, not afraid," I say and swipe her hand away.

"Oh myyy, Daddy ain't playin'!" Kla exclaims.

"Daddyyy~!"

"Go play somewhere else, Pan," I say wearily and stare coldly at my friend. I'd be up for this, but I'm not in the mood today. My mind is full of thoughts, but I'm not sure what about, and it's not in a positive enough state to joke around with my friends now.

"Come play with me then." Nuea, who's beside Pan, suggests as he pats her hair.

"No! No! Go find yourself a proper date before we play family."

"I will then. It won't take long." Nuea says as he pops a sweet-colored candy into his mouth. A little smile unfolds as he chews on it.

"Tone it down a bit. If you're not serious, don't fool around. I'm his senior mentor." Yeewa warns.

"You're the next-door auntie, so just keep quiet. I'm gonna find the mother of my children." Nuea says before patting Pan's head as if she were his real daughter.

"Ya sure? I'm serious about this. If you really get into a proper relationship, then I'll switch from Daddy Vee to Daddy Nuea." Pan asks back excitedly, her eyes widening with glee.

It's a good thing that a guy like Nuea would get serious with someone. I'd really be happy if this friend of mine doesn't smile as he looks at the sweets pouch.

"Are you guys five-year-olds?" Playing family? How silly." I snap before going to buy my meal, though I don't get as far out of earshot to hear them murmuring, as the food shop I buy from is not so far away.

"The hell's wrong with my Daddy?" Pan's voice rings out, though I don't bother to look back.

"Maybe he's gone crazy. He's been frowning since morning." Kla observes.

"Whatever, let him be. Let's talk about Nuea. So how's it gonna be?"

I let the nearby voices of my friends fade into the air and order a simple rice and curry dish. Then, I head over to buy a bottle of water before turning around. The moment I do so, I encounter a certain someone who has also come over to get his meal, the person who has been on my mind these days.

"Oh, P'Vee, hello." Kamphan greets me first. The fair-skinned lad flashes me a smile which reveals his blue braces. The tip of his eyes curves in a cute manner that makes me smile along with him.

"Hey, you here for a meal?" I ask him.

"Yeah, Fuse is over there talking with seniors, so they told me to get some drinks for them. I can't stand his handsomeness in times like these." He complains before heading over to order some drinks, leaving just the one person standing in front of me.

"Yo." Why do I have to greet him first?

"Yo, what. You see what's going on." The dude replies in his usual deadpan manner.

"I heard you got some goodies for your senior line. When did you find the time to do that?" I ask, since I didn't see him carrying anything this morning.

"And since when do I have to report to you?" My face numbs up, and has been numbing up ever since he uttered his first sentence up till now. He doesn't have to report to me, but I just want to know. Can't he just oblige? Does he have to question the necessity and such?

"..." I have no answer for him...." And he just stares at me.

"What's this? Why the glaring contest?" Kamphan's fair-skinned hand waves in between Mark and me, his bright voice brings me back to my senses.

"It's nothing. Let's go." Mark says before walking ahead of his friend. Kamphan looks on, confused, before turning to bow to me, as his hands are occupied with some drinks. I nod to him, though my eyes are following the other guy. I hate it...hate that he treats me as if I'm some stranger, even though I'm...not involved in a relationship with him.

We indeed agreed that we're not in a relationship, but does he really have to give me the cold shoulder? Not even a wai or a word of greeting. If I didn't say anything first, he'd probably just stare at me like that. Although he says nothing's the matter, my mind knows that's not the case.

Oy! My head's heating up.

After eating, I bring myself to Ploy's room. I have the keycard and know the passcode, so I can go inside and sit. The feeling from the afternoon still lingers.

I don't understand at all. Mark's emotions. My own emotions. What I'm feeling now. I still can't find the answer, even though I thought he was less tense the last time we met. Or is it just my own thinking, and Mark doesn't give much thought to this at all?

What makes my mind so unsettled? And what induces me to make a call to him right now?

[...] I place the phone next to my ear, surprised to see on the screen that the person on the other end of the line has picked up. The Silence makes me check again whether the connection has been made. And that makes me sigh out loud.

"Who taught you to pick up the phone with silence?"

[What's up, P'?] He doesn't answer my question, but asks me one instead.

Why does he have to ignore me? That's what my mind wants to ask him, though my mouth utters something else.

"Where are you?"

[Room.] He replies curtly, together with some noises as if he's shifting his body.

"I'm at Ploy's room."

[...so what?] He falls quiet a bit before asking tersely.

"I'll go see you," I say.

[What for?] He asks me back. It's a question for which I have to seek an answer myself. Right...why am I going there?

"Well. I've got something to talk to you about." I don't know what, but I have.

I walk out of one room and into the other room, the room in which the owner is sitting on the sofa. In front of him is a can of soda and a bag of potato chips. The square box opposite him is showing a documentary about polar bears. I've no idea how those polar bears are more interesting than me.

I go and stand in front of him, cover the TV, cross my arms, and stare at him. Mark stares back at me, his pretty brows furrowing. His oval eyes emit inconceivable rays of discontent before he gets up and walks away.

"Why are you ignoring me?" Hmm...I can't stand it anymore. A hundred questions and a thousand emotions have been bottled up in me since morning until now. If I said that I didn't understand myself this afternoon, I'm also angry at myself right now.

"I'm not ignoring." The words of the one who's standing not too far away chime out, making me want to throw the soda can hard at his head. He says he's not ignoring, but his face doesn't show that he sees what this is.

"What's gotten into you then?" I ask and approach him.

"What's wrong with me?" Can I put a purchase order on that unperturbed face and deadpan voice?

"Why the fuck are you ignoring me!?"

"I'm not ignoring."

"The hell you aren't!" I grab hold of his arm and make him turn towards me. "Since this morning, what's with you coming with me, but letting Nuea see you off at your room?" I ask him in a softer tone, not forceful but enough to let him know my displeasure.

"So what?"

"So what?" I repeat the question, unfurl a mocking smile as I look at the person opposite me, and continue. "Since we were talking about Bar this morning, since you saw how lovey-dovey they were on my phone, you've been upset and vented it out on me. So what? I've come to the conclusion that you haven't stuck to your word. You still care about him." 

I say each word with composure, wanting every word to sink into this kid's head so that he can realise that his actions do not reflect his words that say he's gotten over it, when in fact that's not the case. If it continues like this, he's the one who will suffer, since Bar and Kan are totally in love, and it may be in the next life before they break up.

"I don't think of P'Bar anymore," Mark says as he looks at my face. His eyes try to emit calmness, but I detect a flicker of unease in them.

"Hmph! What makes it possible for you to get over him so soon? They say you've gotta have someone who attracts your interest more, right? Who is it then? Is it Ma? Chin? Or Nuea?" I know about him these days, who he's seeing and all. I get intel from someone close to him, but that person didn't inform me about Nuea. It makes my blood boil to think about it. Nuea isn't someone who easily commits to anyone. If Mark gets involved, he might well get hurt in the same way as he did with Bar.

"Whoever it is, it's none of your business."

"Mark!"

I raise my voice and pull hard at his arm, firmly squeezing his hand along with my emotions. I look at the person in front of me, who shows no signs of being ruffled, his oval eyes glaring at me challengingly. I have no choice but to move my face closer to his.

"Don't," Mark says coolly before turning away. I pause a bit and then flick my eyes towards him.

"Why? Who is it gotta be for you to do it with? Bar or Nuea?"

"Anyone but you, ugh~" It seems all the tolerance I've tried to build up simply fades away.

As soon as I hear the words anyone but me coming out of him, I ram my mouth into his pretty mouth, using my teeth to bite his clenched lips before sucking hard to convey my displeasure. It's a heated kiss to show how hot my head feels, so hot that I have to explode it out in this manner.

It seems Mark gives in. Those thin lips open up to allow my mouth to clasp and enter. I kiss the tip of his tongue before firmly hooking it, nibbling at his lower lip before withdrawing.

"...It can be me too," I say as I smile at him, suggesting my superiority. The cross looks back at me, making me satisfied, as it indicates Mark's anger.

"Why the kiss?"

"Why can't I? Are you saving it for someone else?"

"As I said, anyone but you!"

"Mark!"

"Save your mouth for your wife!"

"And you're not!?."

Rer~

I stop the words that are about to flow out, even though it's not a sentence yet. I look down at my phone and slowly release my grip from Mark's arm. I look at his eyes before receiving the call and moving away to talk.

"Yes, Ploy."

[I'm not going home today, Vee. There's a dinner gathering for some graduates. I'm sorry, don't be angry.] 

The sweet voice that I don't hear often these days comes through the line. I let out a long breath before answering Ploy.

"Yes, I'm not angry," I say, instead of asking her why she seems so occupied these days, even unable to reply to my chat messages or call me. But I have no idea why I simply replied that I'm not angry.

[Oh~ how nice you are. I'll be off then. Miss you, Vee.]

"Yes... I miss you, Ploy." I reply to my pretty girlfriend before the line gets cut off. I let out another deep sigh and then turn towards the person! I was arguing with someone just now. Mark just looks at me...

A look...I can't quite figure out the meaning in his eyes. I let out a sigh and then take the liberty to grab the room owner's cigarette and walk to the balcony to light it up. So many things are happening that I have no idea how to handle, whether it's my girlfriend, friends, or this guy here. How can he tell me to save my mouth for my wife to suck on? Is that proper, though? I'm not quite sure whether it's appropriate or not to say we're not in any type of relationship, even though we've already slept with each other. I'm not sure about these things as I've never slept with anyone else who's not my girlfriend. This guy's the only exception. Mark, here's the emergency case in which I can't call upon anyone else's help.

I turn and look back at the person in the room. He's back, sitting on the sofa, eyes staring vacantly at the TV. He munches on some snacks as if oblivious to everything, although just now his gaze towards me was...as if I could understand it, but it wasn't clear enough in the end.

I look down at Bar's chat telling me to go back in to continue working on the project. He's there now with Kan. I smile before asking whether I should get him anything to eat, to which he requests Pad Thai.

I close my friend's chat window at the same time as I finish smoking the cigarette. I open the door to see Mark, who looks at me before turning his attention to the TV again.

"Come with me," I say coolly. He looks up at me.

"To where?"

"Go prove to me that you've really gotten over Bar."

"And why do I have to go? Don't you get it? I said it's not on my mind anymore, what more do you want!?" He retorts and looks at me with displeasure.

"Go prove to me clearly that you've really gotten over 'Bar. Once I know it clearly, then I can interpret your gaze at me just now." The oval eyes stagger and are slightly bewildered, then look down towards the floor. I smiled at his reaction and approached him, placing my hand on his pretty head and saying to him softly. 

"Come with me...so I can know what I should do next."