Love Mechanics

Chapter 5. What are we?

[Vee Vivis] 

"Ow...softly. It hurts!" The person following me complains as I try to pull my hand away. But sorry, I ain't letting go!

"If you don't wanna get hurt, you should've stayed in your room, not running around like this. Serves you right!" I continue dragging the nuisance who spoiled my mood to the elevator, pushing him inside the open door and turning around to see his pale face. Mark stares back at me crossly.

"This is none of your business." Is this your favourite sentence? What right do you have to stop me? I stare back at him with a cold look as the elevator doors open again, before dragging him back to the room.

"Ouch! I said it hurts!" He whines as I bring him to the front of my room.

"Open it," I say to him in a low-pitched tone, careful not to sound too bossy or scary, though at that moment I really couldn't control my emotions anymore. If I could, I'd chop him to pieces right now. How could he even think of going to see them when it was obvious that they were together?

"Why do I have to be the one to open it? Your wife's room is over there." Mark points to the next room. Keep on barking, the one who's my bitch last night was you.

"Are you gonna open it or do you wanna settle things here?" I ask him after taking a deep breath.

"There's nothing to talk to you about."

"Open it!" I demand, prompting another cross look from him, before he opens the door and walks inside.

"Why weren't you in your room?" I ask after walking in. He stops and turns back to me.

"And why do I have to report my whereabouts to you?"

"Mark, I'm trying to be civil with you here," I say as I walk to the sofa. Seeing his passive expression makes me want to assault and strangle him.

I woke up around the same time that Ploy called me to go pick her up. I rushed to fetch her before getting some medicines and food for this guy, but was furious upon arriving at his room. I wanted to throw the soup and rice I'd bought for him away, since his door was locked, meaning he wasn't inside. What was he thinking, going around in such a condition?

Indeed, I wasn't that rough with him last night, but he had to be in pain for sure. Went searching for him at all the food stalls downstairs. I thought then he'd gone to see Bar, so I headed over and, sure enough, found him sitting there. I thought he'd be able to get over him, that he'd come to his senses. Exploded upon seeing him there. Furious yet...concerned about him.

"Mark..." I call his name once more when he doesn't reply. Mark approaches me and slowly speaks.

"I went out to grab a bite." He answers me wearily. Out to grab a bite? Hmph! Is that room downstairs a food stall?

"Don't bullshit me."

"You've told me off twice already today!"

"Well, I say it as I see it. Is your food in Bar's room or something!?" I snap back at him as soon as he raises his voice. I also stand up and stare him in the face, my hand snatching uncontrollably at his arm and squeezing it.

"It's none of your business where I eat!"

"Ya fucker, Mark!"

"Ouch!" His raspy voice cries out as I inadvertently pull him near me. I don't know why I have to be this mad just because I didn't find him in his room, but to find him in Bar's room instead, the one he says he's so fond of and crazy about, even though the other doesn't have eyes for him at all.

"Didn't I tell you last night to just forget about everything?"

"Well, I'm trying to forget about last night, but your presence isn't making it any easier!"

"I told you to forget about Bar, not me!" He looks up at me as soon as I finish saying.

'Moan out loud, Mark. After tonight, just forget about it all...if Bar hurts you, just forget about him.'

That's what I said to him last night. And he was moaning back at me, or was he just sleep-talking?

"For...forget P'Bar?" He asks as he looks at me, his eyes filled with a mixture of confusion and pain.

"Yeah, man, you thought I meant to forget me?" I question it.

"Well...I heard about forgetting."

"If I wanted you to forget me, then why'd I bother getting you some food and medicine, or even bother caring about you at all?" I say as I hand over some anti-inflammatory drugs and painkillers from my pocket. My other hand releases the grip on him, though I don't let go just yet.

He stares at me while I stare back, though he doesn't look into my eyes in the manner that I look into his. I don't know why, but the first feeling upon not seeing him in his room was fear. Fear that something may have happened to him. Fear that he might've been up to no good. Then the feeling changed to worry. Why did he go out in such a poor condition?

That's why I got angry seeing him in Bar's room. I'm worried about him, but why doesn't he worry about himself?

"Worried?" He repeats my words and glances towards my eyes. He furrows one of his brows in disbelief at what I'd just said.

"Yeah." I give him a short reply and let go of his arm.

"Do people who care about one another do such kinds of things?"

"..."

"..."

"They yell in each other's faces, scold while talking, force each other to do things, is that what they do!?" He says with a cross glare.

"Well, I..."

"If you care about me, then you should console me, since that day we met at the bar, not doing what you've been doing to me!" He yells in my face till I turn red. His eyes well with clear liquid, but he refuses to let it stream down.

"I..." I reach out to hold his arm, but he turns away.

"Just go away." He says while turning his back to me. "I don't wanna see you anymore."

Swish!

Swoosh!

"Uh..."

"I'm sorry." | embrace him from behind before talking. I can't bring myself to say such words while looking into his face, even though I'd intended to tell him since last night. When I saw his face just now, the words of apology seemed to get stuck in my throat. Seeing the tears in his eyes just now turned my anger into guilt.

"Mark...I'm sorry." I say to him once again when he falls silent. It's good that he didn't resist or turn around and throw a punch at me, as I'm not sure whether I can handle him with my force when he's sober.

"P'..."

"I know I'm wrong, and that whatever I say may seem like I'm making excuses. But I know how much you feel hurt. I understand now." I speak slowly to his back, tightening my grip on his hand, afraid that he'll swipe it away. I knew how much pain he was in, since he didn't resist me last night. No matter what, as a guy, he had to suffer a lot of pain, but he just let me do it. How much pain must he have been in to allow his body to vent out the hurt in his aching heart?

"What I told you yesterday is that I want you to forget it. Even though you might not be able to forget Bar, you've got to forget all the hurt and remember only the good feelings you've had with him, instead of ruining yourself through drinking or...do what you did last night. I don't know how hard it is to forget these things, as I haven't experienced it myself, but you've gotta try. Try not to hurt yourself, not trying to make yourself hurt more." I say slowly while recalling the past events, from the first time meeting him at the faculty, the bright smile of a freshie, the time he kept on pestering my friend, to the scene at the bar where he was heartbroken and drunk, to the story of him and me, which I've no idea how it will unfold.

"If only you'd say this on that day....if only you'd just said it, then things wouldn't have turned out this way." He replies with his raspy voice before forcing himself out of my embrace.

"I'm sorry. I was mad. I..." I swallow my own words as soon as he turns back to look at me. I want to explain myself, but I don't know the proper way to do so. Come to think about it, it's entirely my fault.

"Never mind. I've already taken my mind off P'Bar. But if you want me to forget him, I just can't. I still encounter him every day." He says and looks down at his feet.

"As long as you're...not hurt."

"You think it's that easy?" He asks and glances at me.

"How'd I know? I've never been heartbroken before."

"Stop rubbing it in, for fuck's sake." He says softly, though I can hear him.

"I've told you before to speak to me politely."

"The fuck is your problem!?"

"I'm your senior, for crying out loud!" I snap back at his question. It's not that I'm such a good person that I cannot bear listening to swear words, as I use them regularly myself. However, since he's a junior and we have strict practices, if he uses such language around us and the other seniors hear it, it won't be pretty. My thinking is good. I thought about it just now. I didn't know why I wanted him to speak politely to me before, although I didn't appreciate him using rude language to me.

"Make yourself respectful and you'll gain respect." He challenges me before walking over to the sofa and picking up the remote controller to turn on a TV program. He looks towards me, suggesting something along the lines of Go back, ya fucker, I don't have anything else to talk to you about anymore. Just a minute...you're forgetting one more thing.

"You haven't told me yet why you went to Bar's room." I sit beside him on the sofa and ask.

"Why I went there is none of your business. Stop messing with my life. Don't you have your own wife to deal with?" He looks at me and replies.

"So the person I'm sitting with now isn't my wife?" 

"If doing it once or twice makes me your wife, then I've already had hundreds of wives." I give up. With his attractive looks and quirky charm, it's not hard to see why many people take a liking to him. But hundreds of wives? Come on.

"Stop beating around the bush and answer me properly." I swipe away my thoughts and certain feelings before asking him again.

"I've already said sorry." He replies softly and turns towards the TV.

"And...how do you feel?" This is what I really wanted to ask him: how he felt seeing them together when he intended to apologise.

"Well...not too bad. Kan seems to love P'Bar a lot."

"He's fancied him for six years."

"Yeah, I know. No need to rub it in." He says and turns away. If he were a woman, I'd take a long time to get back on good terms, but he just feels a bit annoyed, so no need to say anything much.

"It's good that you've apologised. Start anew from now. Be like good brothers."

"That's easy to say." He mentions.

"Yeah, well, I ain't sayin' anything anymore. It's just that I want good things for you." I tell him, though he ignores me, preferring to watch a documentary showing a monkey climbing up a tree. "And take this medicine, too," I say as I place the medicine pouch on the table.

"I'm an adult. I can take care of myself." He glances at the pouch before turning back to watch TV.

"I wasn't thinking of taking care of you anyway," I say while standing up. "I'm off then."

"Yeah..." I head outside when I hear him say that. 

"P'Vee!"

"What?" | turn back upon hearing him call me. He remains silent for a moment before softly saying, "Thank you."

"For?"

"Well...umm. Never mind me." I break out a subtle smile and approach him on the sofa.

"And I'm sorry," I say as I place my hand on his head. "You've gotta hang in there, Mark." I smile at him as he looks up at me.

"Ye...yeah."

"I'll be off then."

"Yeah."

Smooch!

"Hey...ya fucker! Why'd ya kiss me for!?"

"I've done way more than just kissing you, so what's the big deal?" I reply with a playful smile and turn back to look at him, agitated on the sofa.

His lips seem to want to utter something, though I just exited. I open the door and stand in front of the room smiling. I have no idea if he complained any further, since the room is noise-proof. I clench my lips and think of what I'd just done...silly me...how could I have kissed him? And on the forehead, no less. When I saw him look up at me, his face was a bit redder than usual. It made me feel weird, so I just bent down to kiss him. I have no idea why he made a big fuss out of it.

I enter Ploy's room to find the petite girl I'd picked up at noon. The little gal must either be whipping up some dishes or getting some work done. She said she stayed over at a friend's place, though it seems she didn't get too drunk. She's cute and takes good care of me, thinking of me and looks after herself well, as she knows I'm so worried about her. It's so different from the guy who makes me go nuts having to follow him around, but still...I'm not that much worried about him—a little bit from time to time.

"Where's she gone off to?" I go around looking for Ploy in the room and the toilet, but she's nowhere to be found. She didn't say to me that she'd go anywhere, so where is she? I call her, but the little one doesn't pick up the phone. I doubt she's busy with anything at this time.

"Vee." The voice from the front door draws my attention. Ploy stands there smiling at me, then her little feet stride towards me.

"Where were you?" I force a low-pitched voice.

"I went to see a friend."

"Didn't you already see your friend last night?" I raise my brows and ask in a high tone, though she responds with a sweet smile.

"It's not like I have just one group of friends. I went over to check on the juniors cleaning up and ran into an old friend, so we ended up talking a bit." Ploy says as she grabs my arm and swings it back and forth. "Don't be mad...sorry for not telling you first."

"You think this wheedling will work? That's why you're exaggerating it?" I ask the petite one.

"Is it working then?"

"I guess," I say as I place my hand on Ploy's soft hair.

"Good boy," Ploy tells me as she pinches my cheek. "Shall we go down to eat? I'm hungry."

"Alrighty."

I walk downstairs once again, though I was just down here less than an hour ago. However, my feeling this time is quite different from last time. This time I'm with Ploy, who's chirping away, her sweet voice far smoother than a certain guy's raspy voice. The small hand that's holding mine is much softer than that guy's hand. Her bright smile and big eyes are far more attractive than the other person's eyes. But why am I thinking of that certain someone while I'm with Ploy?

"What shall we eat?" Ploy asks as we sit down at a food shop. I check out the menu and find one item that stands out.

"Tofu clear soup."

"Hmm? You want clear soup?" Ploy asks as I flinch a bit.

"Umm...no. I was just reading it. I'll go for the Tom Yum. What about you?"

"I will have fried rice. But let me have some of your Tom Yum soup, too." A smile accompanies the bright voice.

"I can give you more than just Tom Yum soup," I say while flashing a smile back at her.

"You crazy? Watch what you're saying."

"What? I was referring to the ingredients in the Tom Yum soup. What were you thinking?" I tease the embarrassed petite gal whose face has turned red.

"Whatever...it's your fault...Hey! It's that junior from next door."

Ploy looks behind before finishing her sentence. I follow her eyes to find a tall figure who is with two other friends, looking towards us. His eyes look odd, though I'm in no mood to figure out the meaning behind them. It's already too much to be thinking of him while I'm with Ploy.

"Hello." Mark is walking past my table, but stops to greet us. His friends have a confused look, but also lift their hands to greet me.

"Hi there. You're here to grab a bite, too? Have you got a table yet? It's so crowded." Ploy replies as she looks around the cafeteria.

"There will be some space sooner or later." One of his friends, whom I don't know, replies.

"Better come sit with us. Aren't you also Vee's junior? Come on, then." Ploy says while moving over for Mark.

"There are only four chairs, and there are five of us altogether. It won't be comfortable to sit." He replies in his usual calm demeanour.

"But I'm really hungry now, Mark. I'll probably starve to death if I don't eat right now." The friend who's similar in stature to him says.

"Sitting here's good. James and I will sit with the pretty senior, while you can go ahead and sit beside yours. Today's one of those days when I like my small physique." The smaller guy speaks up before pushing the taller one, James, down to sit beside Ploy. He then asks the shop owner for another chair to sit down, although both keep a considerable distance from Ploy.

"A little bit uncomfortable, sorry." James turns towards Ploy and says apologetically, as if to ask for permission.

"It's fine. Having a meal with many people is fun. I usually just eat with Vee. He likes to get on my nerves, and I end up having no appetite." Ploy tells James and moves over to make room for him.

"If you don't have an appetite around me, then why not just go eat with

someone else?"

"Ya see? He's always like this. Just like a little boy." Ploy reprimands.

"How cute. I didn't think engineering students could banter with their girlfriends like this. Take Mark, for instance...hey...are you gonna just stand there forever?" The small guy asks his friend, who's standing beside me, before completing his sentence. All eyes are on him, but he looks at me for a while and says,

"I think you'd better come sit with Vee. I'll sit with my friends on that side."

"Why complicate things? Just sit down already." I turn and say to the guy who's been standing. Why the big fuss? It's not like I'm gonna eat his head off or anything if he sits next to me. Just now, he seemed fine. I've already apologised too, so what else does he want? And besides, I just recalled that he said he'd already eaten before I came out, so what the hell's he doing here now?

"Just sit there, Mark. My food's coming out soon. I don't wanna bother changing seats." Ploy suggests, while flashing a smile towards Mark. He doesn't reply, but pulls the chair to sit beside me silently.

The atmosphere is good, though not for me. The one sitting beside me remains quiet, not uttering a word. He only replies curtly to Ploy's questions, ignoring his friends' rebuke. Ploy seems to enjoy the company of his two friends, though. The small guy's name is Wind, while the tall guy is James. All three are from Bangkok and used to study at the same school, so they're basically long-time friends.

Mark likes engineering, whereas his friends didn't think much of it. They also wanted to enter the engineering faculty, but couldn't obtain the required exam scores, so they ended up in other faculties instead. Mark came here since he didn't want to stay home. I listen to his friends as they chat away. James converses with Ploy, who tells the junior about the university and campus life. I have no idea what Ploy is talking about, as my mind is solely focused on just one person, the one sitting beside me.

"Oh, clear soup? Vee was just about to order that." Ploy says that when she sees Mark being served clear soup.

"Yes." He replies bluntly, with no intention of carrying on the conversation, as he takes a spoonful into his mouth.

"Is it yummy, Mark?" Ploys asks, while the responder looks up and nods his head.

"What's the big deal? It's just clear soup, Ploy." I ask the petite girl opposite me.

"Well!? You were about to order clear soup just now. And when Mark was having a bite, you were looking at him, so I thought you'd wanna eat it too. I could then make it for you one day." Ploy says to me as I turn to Mark at the same moment that he looks at me. He stays silent and continues eating after staring at me for a while. Was I looking at him? While he was eating?

"I don't want to eat it, Ploy. I was just looking." I clarify to the petite one, though I sense that the guy beside me loses a bit of his rhythm scooping up the soup, as he looks up to me while his spoon is still in the soup bowl.

"Hmph!" A soft laugh comes out of his throat. I turn towards him before focusing on the Tom Yum soup in front of me. Ploy and the two friends cannot detect any unusualness between us as they yap away cheerfully. But it's not the case between us two. I have no idea what he's thinking or feeling, as I don't know my own feelings either. All I know is that I didn't think I'd be feeling this way, or that he'd have such influence over me. But I just can't help but think about such things. Anyhow, never mind. I'll just try to let go of these crazy thoughts.