Love Mechanics

Chapter 4. Confession leads to no regrets

[Mark Masa]

"The hell you doin'?" the deep-toned voice asks as soon as the door shuts. "I'm asking you what the hell're you doin'!"

"What the hell are YOU doin'!" I yell back as soon as he raises his voice.

"You want it that badly? You want it so much, huh?" He grabs my arm and asks if it hurts. Compared to my heart, this didn't hurt one bit.

"Does my private life somehow bother you? What's this got to do with you!"

"It's not that I wanted to butt in. If you didn't tell me about your bad thoughts to begin with, I'd have nothing to do with this!" he shouts back, his eyes glowing as if furious at something and seeking to find an outlet. How I wish he could see himself as he truly is right now.

"He wanted it, and so did I", I say matter-of-factly, ignoring the heated emotions of the person in front of me.

"You want to do it so much? You want it that badly, huh..."

"Yeah!" P'Vee's lips ram into mine, his thick hands press my head down to prevent me from resisting or turning away from him. He tries to stick his tongue in while I try to clamp my lips tight to reject it. 

"Urgh!" He slips his hand down to my belly and caresses it gently. I try to refuse all of his touches, but simply can't. He bites my lower lip, and I can taste blood. He sticks his tongue in and hooks mine strongly. I curl my tongue away from his, but eventually relent and kiss him back.

"Huff! Huff!" I pant breathlessly as he takes his mouth away from mine. His sharp eyes glare at me, accompanied by a derisive smile.

"Your words say no, your actions seem to refuse, but then you tongue kiss me," he says slowly, seemingly satisfied with what had transpired.

"You forced me!" I gather my raspy voice to reply to him. How could I refuse his thrusting tongue, especially in the state of mind that I was in?

"Well, you said yourself..." he stares at me and approaches my ear, whispering, "...that you wanted it"

"Urgh!" I clamp my lips tight as I feel his moist lips along my lower jaw. He sticks his tongue out to lick and softly kiss my jaw line, gradually proceeding up to my ear. As if knowing I had difficulty breathing, I heard a "Hmph" from him before he gently nibbled my ear.

"Uum..." I moan from within my throat as he caresses the crotch of my pants.

"You like this?" P'Vee asks indistinctly into my ear, making me tense up even more. The answer to his question was simple. I liked it… I enjoy gentle and tender sex more than the rough and painful kind.

That's why in the past I preferred sleeping with small cuties rather than hunks of similar stature to me, as it makes me feel like protecting rather than conquering them. Having a smaller guy cajoling me is better than just trying to thrust into one another aggressively.

"Hmm? You like it?" his deep-pitched voice trembles beside my ear. One of his thick hands presses against my midriff while the other caresses my back.

"Let me go." I insist through clenched teeth. P'Vee withdraws himself from me. He stands there glancing at me for a moment before throwing himself onto the bed. His pretty eyes connect with mine, then they gradually move down towards my midsection.

"If I let you go, what would you do?" P'Vee asks, his eyes still transfixed below.

"I can masturbate", I say frankly, though I could barely hide my embarrassment. My tipsiness seems to have vanished in an instant. All I could feel was shame. His mere caressing and kissing had laid bare my emotions and had exposed me to his taunts. I turn away from Vee, who raises his eyebrows, and head towards the bathroom.

Grasp!

Swoosh!

"Urgh!" My body was sharply jolted back and hit the person on the bed. P'Vee had pulled me on top of him and wrapped his other arm around me. I try to wriggle loose but that only intensifies his grip.

"But I want you to help me climax." His deep voice utters while pressing my body against his. I could feel the warmth exuding from under his faded, well-worn jeans.

"I ain't doing it!" I stare into his chiselled face, trying to force myself away.

"Stop wriggling!" P'Vee scolds and turns me over on the bed, positioning himself on top of me.

"I said...ugh...I ain't." I refuse grudgingly as he presses and rubs himself against me.

"I want it, you want it, why not then?" he says with a smug smile.

"I like guys, but that doesn't mean I can just spread my legs for anyone. Especially not for P'Vee...

"Unleashing your pent-up frustrations on unsuspecting victims seems unfair to me. Just do it with me.. I know the whole story."

Before I could reply, those lips that had attracted many girls were pressed against mine. This time, I did not resist, choosing to lie motionless for him to violate me. His thick tongue lapped up the bitter taste of alcohol from my mouth before entwining with my tongue. I admit that P'Vee is a good kisser. Many people like his kissing, perhaps, and I count myself among them.

I didn't feel anything except for the feeling of defeat, as P'Vee knew about everything. He knew how much I liked P'Bar, he saw how drunk I became, and also how I had already given up on this hopeless love. The fact that he knew so much made me not want to do it with him.

Once he's had me, then he'll pity me again like last time? How would that help make me feel better...

"Let's see you stay still throughout then," he challenges as he kisses my neck. I was indeed spellbound by him, though eventually I came back to my senses...

"What did I do that's so wrong? Did I commit some kind of crime?"

I asked the person in front of me what was on my mind. It was the question I had asked myself since being kissed by him. Last time he said it was bad of me to have sinister thoughts towards 'Bar, but I hadn't done anything wrong this time.

"You ain't wrong... but you make me horny." He says as he lowers himself onto me.

"If you're horny, then go do it with your girl, why pester me?" I insist, staring at the person above me.

"It just so happens...that my wife is away today."

"Ooh~" I slip out a moan as he squeezes tight at my midriff until a lump clearly bulges out. I writhe and kick at him, but he pins my legs down with his and slides his hand down to unzip my pants.

"I've never sucked anyone before, so that you know."

"Ooh!"

P'Vee lowers his mouth to cover the hot shaft that protrudes from my pants. He wraps his mouth fully around the rod down his throat, slowly settling into a rhythm. I hold back the moans and gasp for air. I didn't want to look down. Looking down would make me so horny…

"Ahh...ugh!" I wanted to hold back the moans so as not to spur him on, but it was proving so difficult. Although he said he'd never done it to anyone before, what he was giving me now was better than I had received from many others.

"Ugh!...don't hold back. I wanna hear your moans." 

P'Vee says and continues to work on my lower part. One of his hands caresses my inner thigh while the other focuses on my abdomen till it tenses up.

"Ahh..ooh..." At last, I relent to P'Vee and give in to my own desires.

"Ugh...Uum...don't push against me," he reprimands and presses my legs down. 

His words make me look down at the rod bobbling in and out of his mouth. I wasn't aware that I'd started to thrust my hips to match his tempo. All I knew was that I wanted to let loose so badly.

"Ah...uh...wh...why...stop?" I ask, my voice shaking. 

His face was now level with mine. I hope he doesn't ask me to beg for it like in those novels girls like to read. If I had to do that, I'd lose whatever little was left of my dignity.

"I wanna hear you moan...loudly," he says before kissing my lips. This kiss was different from the previous ones, however, which I couldn't quite put into words. It wasn't a kiss to conquer, but neither was it a tender one.

I slowly extend my tongue to hook with his. Our tongues dance in my mouth. I chose not to care about what had happened in the past, and just to close my eyes and enjoy P'Vee's moist tongue in this moment.

"Uum..." I moan as if not wanting him to part, which was true. I admit to having fallen for P'Vee's mouth, although I was fully aware of how much I would be hurt if I took a misstep. Yet I gave in to my desires.

"Moan out loud, Mark. After tonight, just forget about it all."

"Uhh...Uum..." I moan per his request as he moves his tongue down to my lower body. My shirt had somehow come off while I was being mesmerised by his kissing, though what intrigued me was how my skin was now feeling prickly all over.

"Uum..." P'Vee moans as I unwittingly clasp my fingers against his pitch-black hair. He looks up to glance at me and then focuses on my neck area.

"Ooh...uh...don't suck on it," I utter as I feel a searing pain in my neck. I don't know whether the kiss marks from the previous session had faded away already, though I didn't want any new ones to appear. No matter what, I'll forget after this night, so why bother making any mark to remind me?

"Ooh...uum~" 

P'Vee withdraws from my neck and moves along my shoulders, then down to my abdomen. I tense up according to his kissing tempo while moaning from within my throat.

"Ya like it sweet, not rough, huh?" 'Vee says as he takes his lips away from me. My moist eyes barely open to see him taking his shirt off. He has a proportionate body, not too different from mine, although his is more attractive.

I stop admiring his toned skin as soon as he perches my legs on his shoulders. I was in a position which I used to do to others, though I was always the one on top and not the bottom. P'Vee readied himself with a few strokes before approaching my rear end.

"W...wait." | hold back his firm abs before he could push himself downwards.

"If you say no to me, I'm going to force it in right now."

"You fucker!" I curse out, drawing a sharp glance from him. The way he was readying himself to force it in made me anxious.

"The fuck is wrong with you? Just now you were into it." 

He lowers my legs and pulls me up by my arms to his eye level. I take a cursory glance at him before turning towards the bedside drawer to take out a bottle of gel and a small square sachet.

"Take this." I hand them to the person in front of me, who is irritated. He looks into my hand before flashing a soft smile and receiving the items.

"Hmph! Are you scared of catching diseases?"

"You wanna try being in my position?" I say as I point to the spot where I'd been lying down.

"Shut up," he says and kisses my mouth hard. He sucks so aggressively that it just keeps my mouth agape as he explores my mouth with his tongue. His hand squeezes gel onto his hot pole and presses my body down, before rubbing some gel onto my hole. 

"Just use your mouth for moaning."

"Urgh..!" 

I hold back a yelp as he presses the head into me. If you're still like this, then I won't be able to enter, and I won't allow you to cum either."P'Vee says and presses his thumbs against my head.

Through his malicious glare were eyes that were full of lust, but his size and my channel meant he couldn't enter in one thrust despite the help of lubricant gel.

"Uhh~" I try to ease up as much as he tries to push his body down.

"Don't tense up, Mark." His deep, raspy voice whispers beside my ear. His moist tongue was once again deployed to play with my earlobe.

"Urgh! Uhh..." he presses his body towards me and withdraws, repeating the motion while caressing my rod with his hand.

"Ah...Ahh..." The deep moaning resonates from within my throat once his body pushes down fully. I felt tightness and was in too much pain to utter anything, having no choice but to express my emotions through the tears that flowed out. I was in pain; it felt like torture, but at the same time, I wanted to embrace him.

"l...I'm...gonna...move."

"Ugh! Uhh~" Before I could allow him to, the one on top of me withdrew himself and pressed down onto me again.

"Ah...Uum."

"Uhh~ Ah...Ahh...Ooh." 

I moan as his hard shaft smashes into my body. Perhaps my body enjoys this pain as much as my heart tightly embraces him.

"Uhh...for fuck's sake," he groans in a low tone and lifts his face to gasp for air. Our interlinked parts were still attached, inseparable from each other.

"Uhh...ah..gent...gently." 'Vee thrusts down so hard that I had to request him to abate, though it seems my pleas had fallen on deaf ears.

"Hah...ah...uummm."

"Ah...gent...uhhh."

"...uhh...can't...do it gently." he thrusts firmly inside, his thick hands grab my waist and push them down to the rhythm of his thumping. All I could do was lower my trembling hand to masturbate in place of P'Vee's hand.

"Uhh...hurts...ah..." I use my other hand to fend away his abdomen, hoping to make him subside, though it only serves to embolden him even further.

"Ha...ahh..uum." I didn't know how much time had elapsed, but both of us were drenched in sweat. The tears that had streamed earlier had dried up, though it wasn't as interesting as my brain, which was completely blank. Empty...and feeling good.

"Ah...Mark. Uum..." P'Vee brushes the tears away from my cheek and lowers himself to kiss me softly.

"Ha..uummm."

"Ca...ah...call me...by...uummm...my name."

"Uh.ah.P'...Vee," I don't know what spiritual forces made me follow his orders, but my mouth had expressed itself quicker than my mind. I bellowed his name through the moans until his pretty face let out a satisfied smile.

"Yeah... good boy." Boy, my ass! I refute in my mind since he didn't allow me to utter out any words, rapidly kissing my mouth before holding my hips and making firm inward thrusts.

"Uhh...ah...P'...uummm."

"Uhh...ah...Mark...ugh!"

"Ah..." I jerk hard one time before releasing myself onto my belly. Vee makes a few more hard thrusts before fully unloading into the condom.

"Huff! Huff!" his panting and the rancid smell didn't grab my attention, as it was then that I realised my legs were virtually paralysed on the bed. 'Vee threw himself beside me, though his heavy breathing did not bring me to my senses. I wanted to fall asleep and hoped that tomorrow would be a good day.

"If you don't wanna regret anything...don't delay confessing to the one whom you like." The deep-pitched voice whispering beside my ear reminded me that tonight had not yet passed. I closed my eyes and let the tears stream out anyway.

Keep rubbing it in... Apart from reminding myself by letting him do me, he still keeps rubbing it in more. I'll just take his words as a lesson then.

I woke up with searing pain throughout my body. Whatever sticky substances on it were all dried up. I had felt so exhausted last night that I didn't know when I fell asleep, just that I had wanted to sleep so badly. After we had finished the deed, my body simply shut down, which was already 4 in the afternoon. Even so, I chose to lie down a little bit more.

Yesterday had been such a rough day for me. After being mercilessly rejected, I had to endure standing there listening to their confessions of love. I looked at the space beside me. While not expecting to see him there, his words last night were still ringing in my ears. I'll be quicker to confess next time, then.

After cleaning myself up with whatever strength I could muster, I came out of the toilet and went out in search of something to eat. Hunger can really wake a person up. I never store any fresh groceries in the fridge as I don't like to cook. The food packs had all been consumed, as had the dried foods. I would have called my friend to buy something for me, but I was ashamed of my condition.

I walked towards the wardrobe and took out some clothes before heading down to find something to eat. Although it hurt, I could still walk, though not as briskly as usual. At least I didn't have to crawl.

"You have the intuition of a séance, how respectable." The bright voice which I had grown accustomed to rings in my ear as soon as the elevator door opens. I was a bit startled as P'Bar and Kan were teasing each other in front of the room. I sigh upon seeing the floor number. I had pressed the wrong floor button.

"Thanks for the compliment." Kan smiles and bows to P'Bar.

"I was being sarcastic!" P'Bar says and turns to open the door.

"P'Bar!" I call out to the person who had constantly been on my mind before he could enter the room. But this time it wasn't for reaffirmation or out of sarcasm. What made me approach them was because I saw 'Bar's happy smile to Kan that had made P'Bar seem happier than ever before. I wanted to apologise.

"The hell are you here for?" I turn to the one shouting at me and let out a soft sigh,

"I'm just here to apologise. I realise now how much you love him. I saw you at the pageant." I will explain.

"Come in first." P'Bar invites me into the room as he enters. Kan glares at me suspiciously but doesn't say anything. I wait on the sofa as per 'Bar's suggestion, and shortly afterwards, he comes out from the kitchen with fruit juice, while at the same time Kan emerges from the bedroom.

Their behaviour was an indicator of how far they had gone. It was my intention, since last night, to apologise to P'Bar for everything I'd done, whether as a nuisance or for my malicious thoughts and actions that led to misunderstandings between the two of them.

Seeing 'Bar's smile and the care given to him by Kan assured me that he will be happy. It was something that I could not offer him. I'd have to accept the truth.

P'Bar sits down opposite me, and next to him sits Kan. P'Bar looks at me before breaking the silence.

"I'm dating Kan now." I swallow my sticky saliva and take a sip from the glass before giving P'Bar a faint smile.

"I know," I answer and look at Kan, who was glaring at me spitefully.

"Then why did you come here?" he asks sharply.

"As I said, to apologise...for everything bad that I'd said before."

"I'm not angry. I'm also sorry that I...hurt your feelings that day." P'Bar utters slowly, making me think back to the events that day. But alas, though it pains me to reminisce, I'll get over it one day.

"I really felt hurt so much, you couldn't imagine." I was aware that he thought of me as a little brother and adored me, though that's the full extent to which we could become. I was aware of that, but I had only come to terms with it today.

"If you're done apologising, then get the hell outta here," snaps Kan, making me sigh at his jealousy. It was so obvious that there's no way P'Bar would try to fool around with me; otherwise, he wouldn't have treated me in such a manner.

"Why so jealous? I'm here to apologise. With you here, do you really think I'd have the guts to make a move on him? Even when you're not here, he doesn't pay attention to me." I argue and lower my voice upon uttering the last sentence, which had pained me.

"It's cause you ain't me."

"I know that already! No need to rub it in anymore." I contend while glaring at him. Why do these two like to rub it in so much...

Ding-dong~

The doorbell rings before I can further process my thoughts.

Bar and Kan stare at each other and look at the door. Although it hurt my feelings, I couldn't help but be amused by their cuteness. It was P'Bar who eventually relented and walked towards the door, leaving Kan and me to resume our glaring contest.

"Hey... Vee, watcha doin' here?" P'Bar's voice makes me tense up. Don't know why I had to feel intimidated by the person standing next to P'Bar, but his eyes were looking at me as if I had committed some wrongdoing.

"The hell you doin' here!?" P'Vee walks towards me and asks loudly.

"I'm just here to apologise to 'Bar" I reply while looking towards P Bar. Although my voice was quivering, I tried to speak in a normal tone.

"Didn't I tell you not to mess with my friend?" P'Vee admonishes and grabs my arm, forcing me to stand up quickly despite being in pain. Kan stands up and looks at me as P'Bar approaches.

"Calm down and talk it out." Kan looks at me before pulling my arm away from Vee, while Bar pulls P'Vee away from me.

"And you! He's here to snatch your wife away, don't you know that?" 'Vee snarls into Kan's face, though it seemed Kan wasn't affected by his words. It's most likely that Kan knows P'Bar well, and also that he saw through me. I indeed came with good intentions, something I wanted to tell not only Kan but also the bastard standing beside me now.

"The hell you goin' on about? We're just talking. Mark's here to apologise, and Kan understood that already." 'Bar says while looking at P'Vee's face.

"Bullshit!" 'Vee growls loudly into my face. I closed my eyes and counted from one to ten in my mind, though I knew it wouldn't help.

"What else do you want from me? I've stopped pestering 'Bar. I'm just here to apologise and tell him not to worry. I'll be sure to stay out of their way. That's it. What else do you want?" I say and look up at him. His sharp eyes appear to soften as he makes eye contact with me.

He looks over to P'Bar as if to seek confirmation of whether what I said was the truth. Bar gives him a nod, prompting him to let out a long sigh and slick back his hair in the posture that many people probably find attractive.

"If you're done, then let's go back", he insists and drags me away by my arm. What could I do? No matter how much pain I was in, I had no choice but to follow him.