Love Mechanics

Chapter 2 -True love isn’t meant for everyone

 

[Mark Masa]

 

"S'up, awake already?" The greeting from the front of the room leads my just-opened eyes towards that direction. Pain streaks through my body as soon as I start to move. The bottom part was especially searing, as if it had actually been torn apart. Last night's incident plays out in my head like a movie scene. I did it with him...And I...was the receiver.

 

I look towards the guy leaning on the door with a mixture of emotions. Frustrated upon seeing his gleeful sneer. Mad at myself for getting drunk; those things got out of hand. Angry at P'Bar...for not liking me.

 

"How nice. You ain't complaining, which means you remember about last night." He says as he approaches me at the bed. I glance at him and immediately look away.

 

His face brings back a stream of recollections of what had transpired last night—the screams of pain. The tears were trickling down my face. The jeers and taunts, and finally his pleasure-filled face.

 

After finishing me off, he let me continue on my own. I had to clean up the mess by myself, even though I could barely breathe. After releasing myself, I was knocked right out and couldn't bother to clean up properly. I was so exhausted and couldn't manage to keep my eyes open any longer.

 

I've no idea whether he slept here or in another room, but I assume this is his house. I recall vaguely that he's the one who took me out of the bar and dragged me here.

 

"Go get some breakfast now that you're up," Vee says while sitting at the edge of the bed, leering over my body with menacing eyes. "Did you hear what I said?" he asks.

 

"l...hear." I croaked out with every ounce of voice I had left, which made me nearly cry.

 

"What the! Why's your voice like that?" he murmurs to himself, though I could hear him due to our proximity.

 

"Get up and grab a bite. I'll take you to see the doctor." Why's he suddenly playing Mr Nice Guy? Just last night, he was saying I should meet a bad guy like him rather than a good guy like P'Bar.

 

"It's alright..." I say softly, trying to avoid eye contact. Seeing his face makes me feel pathetic. I can fully admit that I like guys and was never interested in girls, but I've never found myself at the receiving end. Ever since high school, when I started dating, my guy would be a cute little bitch whom I felt like taking good care of. Every time we had sex, I would be the top, and that pleased me more than being the bottom. That wasn't the case last night. He said he likes girls and has never done it with guys, well, I've never done it with guys in this manner either.

 

"You're nearly dead and still playing it cool. Lemme have a look." Pow!

 

"The heck! I'm trying to help you here." His tone sterns up as I slap his hand off my forehead. He blurts out some swear words before glaring at me. "Go take a shower and eat."

 

"Said I ain't eatin'." I insisted.

 

"The fuck you ain't! I'm gonna get you some water then. Can't stand that voice of yours." Isn't it your fault? He's the one to blame. Even though my thoughts were malicious, I didn't actually carry them out.

 

"Why're you trying to be a saint now? Makes me wanna puke," I say while slowly sitting myself up. Although it was a difficult task, I was determined not to ask for his help.

 

"Seeing your condition, I just don't want you dying in my house. It's not that I care about you or that I'm some kind of saint," he replies bluntly.

 

"I've never thought you're a saint, just a lowly bastard...ouch!" I cry out as he draws near and pinches my cheek.

 

"Watch your mouth, otherwise you'll get a morning round," he threatens while prying his eyes over me.

 

"I'd be a fool to let you do me another round."

 

"Then I'd like to hear how fools squeal. Last night wasn't quite enough yet," he sniggers.

"Fucker!" I shoot back before heading to the toilet. Using the toilet after getting it is a painful thing to endure, especially since he didn't hold back on me last night. No foreplay or warning whatsoever. What I received was pure pain and torture.

 

I wasn't surprised to see his sneering face upon waking up. He must've thought I got what I deserved. Come to think of it, it's partly my fault that I was out of it, that I was weak, that I liked 'Bar so much to be overcome by sinister thoughts. But did my thoughts really deserve this much pain?

 

I came out draped in the towel he had given me. Though he wasn't in the room, a set of clothes was laid on the bed—no clue where the clothes I wore last night were. Beside the bed, a bowl of boiled rice and a glass of water were placed in a tray.

 

If you're gonna be bad, why not just be the devil?

 

I put on the clothes and sat down to eat silently in the bedroom. Soon after, the tall owner of the room walks in with a tray in his hands.

 

"The hell you eatin'?" he asks while leaning over to look into my bowl.

 

"Shrimp boiled rice," I answer back, slightly confused as I thought he had prepared it for me.

 

"From where?"

 

"It was right here...weren't you the one who brought it?" I point to the spot and ask back. He had a confused look as he peered into my bowl.

 

"Never mind." He placed his tray beside mine and unfolded a small Japanese-style table on the floor.

 

"Come down to eat with me here, not on my bed." 

 

He demands with a dissatisfied look, which I return. How could he possibly ask me to sit on the hard floor? It would hurt like hell.

 

"I'm gonna sit here."

 

"The hell you are. This is my room, and this is my food. All I'm asking is for you to sit down here. Would it kill you to do that?" he grumbles, clearly showing his displeasure.

 

"Yeah! It would." I retort and place the bowl of boiled rice on the tray. I'd rather starve.

 

"You being sarcastic?" he asks while playfully raising his eyebrows.

"Are you so important that I have to resort to sarcasm?" I respond. 

 

"At least I'm your hubby," he says slowly as he puts his bowl down.

 

"Don't treat me like a woman just cause you did me once." I snap back and stare at him.

 

"How about one more time then?" He stands up and approaches me at the bed, "So you can know that those who spread their legs are called the wifey." 

 

His thick hands caress my cheeks, making me pull my face back.

 

"Ouch!" I cry out as he squashes my cheeks together, distorting my face.

 

"Whether I do you one time or ten times, the fact is I already did you. I hope you don't have such thoughts as last night with any others. If I find out, then there's no need to mention what's gonna happen..." he says as he releases his grip on my cheeks. "But anyhow...guess you probably wouldn't dare be anyone's husband since you're already a wife." 

 

His words make my blood boil up to my face. I was angry because it was true. How could I treat others as before, given what had happened? It would only mirror my image as the recipient.

 

"..." 

I remain silent and stare at him as he steps back.

 

"And one more thing...don't you dare mess with Bar and Kan anymore." My eyes glare towards him. Who does he think he is? He's just Bar's friend. What right does he have to tell me what to do?

 

"And what if I do?"

 

"As I said last night, don't mess with my friend. Otherwise, I'll personally see to it that you're punished." 

 

Does this guy think he's God? How can he decide what's right or wrong, or who should be punished? He certainly ain't no saint, having a girlfriend who's the talk of the town as a lovey-dovey couple. The hell's he trying to protect his friend so much for? Even P'Bar doesn't say such things to me.

 

"And finally, Mark..." He continues, seeing as I'm keeping my silence, " I was born before you. As your senior, you should give me more respect."

 

"I'll respect those who deserve it", I snap, "and it sure ain't you."

"Why you!.."

 

"Vee..." We both turned our heads towards the door. A guy who looked similar to the one who had just squashed my cheeks was standing there. It could be either an elder or a younger brother. I had never seen him before, though his seemingly intimidating oval eyes did not make me feel threatened.

 

"What?" Vee annoyingly glances back at the guy.

"Dad wants you down at the garage. It's busy since it's a holiday,” the guy says.

 

"Alright..." he replies, turning towards me.

 

"Aren't you gonna introduce me to your junior?" He suggests as he walks into the room. His pretty lips draw a smile as his twinkly eyes rest on my neck.

 

"This is Mark...and this is my elder bro, Yoo."

"How's the boiled rice?"

 

"Uh...um..." I don't know why I couldn't reply to P'Yoo. Perhaps it's those sharp pair of eyes that I couldn't quite comprehend, or the seemingly knowing smile that he projected.

 

"Don't forget to take the meds. You'll also need to take anti-inflammatory pills." I don't know why I felt a rush of blood to my face when P’Yoo said that, probably because of anger at Vee, coupled with feelings towards P'Yoo. It was humiliating.

 

"When are you going out, Yoo?" Vee glares at his brother. I see P'Yoo smirk back at Vee.

"Excuse me, Mark" Yoo turns towards me and smiles, for which I could only nod in return.

 

"Hmph!.." The sarcastic laughter comes from within the throat of the person next to me. When I turn towards him, Vee is already looking in my direction with scornful eyes. 

 

"Birds of a feather...indeed flock together...you guys got some kind of secret code? What was that smile all about? Goin' for a private round later?"

 

"Ya fucker! You think I can just do it with anyone?" I scowl back as soon as he finishes his derision. I didn't know what P'Yoo's glance meant, but all I knew was that he didn't have bad intentions and seemed friendlier than Vee.

 

"Well, last night you did it with me without thinking twice."

"You forced me, ya fucker!"

 

"Forced or not, last night...you became mine, and I was pleasured."

 

He lowers his face to mine and utters the words purposefully. I clench my lips and stare back up at him, feeling self-pity and anger at the same time. My feelings at that moment were truly indescribable.

 

"What do you want?" I close my eyes and ask slowly.

"Hmph! I already told you...stop messing with my friend and Kan."

 

He deliberates while staring into my face. I want to question his right to demand me, but he doesn't give me a chance. "No need to question the logic. It's simply that they like each other and not you. If you persist, I'll take the issue with you beyond the bedroom." He threatens.

 

"I won't bother P'Bar anymore..." I reply. As I saw it, if there's even a glimmer of hope, then I'd pursue him, but he's never given me such hope and even said clearly that he likes Kan, not me.

 

"Good...and don't have bad thoughts like last night." He continues, "And can't you address me more politely? I'm your senior, so show me some respect."

 

"Then make yourself respectable first." I challenge him with my words and glare. One's actions are more important than seniority. I wouldn't mind "wai" to a younger person if he's worthy of my respect. But to this guy?

 

"Hey Mark..." He calls my name in a low voice, trying to approach me, but his mother calls him downstairs to help customers.

 

"You're just all words and orders." I rebuke.

 

"All words and orders, huh. I'm good at other...things too." He taunts as his eyes look down to his midriff before prying his eyes over my neck and downwards.

 

"Don't forget that I'm your senior. But if you don't wanna be my junior, you can also be my wi..."

 

"Yeah, yeah, senior, senior!" I cut him off before he could humiliate me further.

 

"About last night..." he pauses before saying, "Don't tell anyone. I can't let my wife know."

 

After our talk, he sent me off to my dormitory. I was surprised to see him following me instead of going back home. I turned back to question him, only for him to reveal that this is his girlfriend's dormitory.

 

How shameless...He nearly killed me last night, but now he is walking with a smile on his face to his girlfriend's room as if nothing had happened. So very shameless.

 

I parted with him on the 4th* floor. My dormitory is divided into eight floors, with no gender segregation. By common standards, its facilities were top-notch. I'm a Bangkokian who took the entrance exam to study upcountry at the faculty of my choice, namely engineering. My father disagreed; he wanted me to be a professional swimmer and have nothing to do with cars, a line of work he despised, while I wanted to pursue a career related to automobiles. Sometimes we disagreed so strongly that my mother had to console me. Being far away from home would allow me to live a simple and beautiful life.

 

But what a truly beautiful day I was having. I took out my phone to check the popular application I'd been using regularly since high school. The first status that appeared in the feed made me want to throw the phone away. A small hand held a slender one loosely. No face was shown, though I knew it was Kan's and 'Bar's.

 

Another picture showed 'Bar's hand touching Kan's cheek. I couldn't see P'Bar's facial expression as he turned his back to the camera, but Kan's eyes were looking at him with tender love, not unlike the way I look at P'Bar, but there was also a difference.

 

The difference being that they loved each other, not me. 

 

Dew dely

1 hr

So sweet that ants would feel shame. Junior Dr Kan is hand in hand with P’Bar at the department store. The thing is, they snapped the moment, and P’Bar uploaded it to his private page. Isn't it his very first photo? Can this be taken as an official announcement of a change in their relationship status? Oh! My insiders spotted them again at the parking lot.

 

Cheeky touchy feely~ Hand in hand usually means they've gone public, but it seems P'Bar needs a bit more time to decide (so I've heard from my sources). Go ahead and look into your heart~ Maybe look into his chest too while you're at it. I've already given up hope on having Kan for myself. He's already made his preference clear. #Tossara

6012 likes 1214 comments

 

The insane amount of likes and congratulatory comments didn't tug at my heart as much as 'Bar's reply to his friend.

 

TiTiNotronOnly: Gotta give it to those insiders, they managed to snap a shot even from between the cars.

Bar Sarawut: / wanna know who the hell it is too, so / can bash his face in...

Northh: Hey, Bar, always prone to violence, huh. Even when you're feeling bashtul.

Pin pinna: That's true. / wonder how the Dr. can bear it.

Tossakan: I like it.

Pandora: Like what, huh huh huh?

Tossakan: / like violence, sir. Bar Sarawut pVnn: Oh oh oh...here we goooo

Pond pawee: He's using comments to send a message

Nanana: Is it your strategy? Tossakan

Tossakan: I've already told him in person. I can say it to anyone now.

Bar Sarawut: But you can't say it here!!

Tossakan: Why not Bar Sarawut Bar Sarawut: I'm embarrassed.

 

I'm embarrassed. Just one short sentence that will hurt me for a long time.

 

I lay down on the bed and slowly closed my eyes, too tired to sit up or be bothered any more. I was hurt...both physically and mentally. There was no point in pursuing the matter. The news feed showed he was doing well, so I'd better just stay put and watch his happiness from afar. If there were a chance, then I'd like to apologise for the bad thoughts I had towards him; that may lessen my karma.

 

I pick up the phone after pondering, dialling a familiar number before the other end picks up.

 

"Mom..."

[How's it going, Love?] Mom was always the one who consoled me after I argued with Dad. She was the one who brought me to my senses before I could do anything stupid. She sent me an allowance, even though she disagreed with my decision to study here. She's the one who doesn't want to see me sad.

 

"I miss you, Mom," I speak into the phone with a smile. I don't know why I called her. All I knew was that this person would never harm me.

 

[What's this...calling me out of the blue to say you miss me, what's going on?]

"It's nothing."

 

[Your voice sounds off, Masa.] Masa is my real name, given to me by my grandmother, and the name my family prefers to use.

 

Its Japanese meaning is intelligence. My dad is half-Japanese, as my grandmother is from Japan, although my grandfather is Thai. My mother is Thai, which makes me a quarter Japanese. I have a Thai last name but a Japanese first name, whereas my nickname was given to me by my aunt.

 

"I just really miss you," I reply.

[Visit me then.]

 

"It's only been a month or so since the start of the semester"

[Well, you said you miss me.]

 

"And that's why I'm calling."

[Well then... visit when you can. I'll transfer the money for the flight. I really miss you.] 

 

I'm not sure whether I should have called her. I nearly cry when she says she misses me. I'm usually not this emotional, but right now I really want to hug her.

 

"Okay." My tears suddenly stream down. They say when we're fragile, we'll miss home. I gradually close my eyes once again before walking over to the reading desk to grab a pack of cigarettes. I like to smoke, seeing it as an outlet for all the accumulated stress.

 

"Vee, do you think the plant will receive enough sunshine if I hang it here?" The sweet voice from the next room doesn't grab my attention as much as the name that was in the sentence. I turn to see a pretty face with a good figure looking at the potted plant in her hand.

 

"Hmm. Let me see." Is it a small world, or is the university a small place? The guy who placed his hand on her back and reached out to the potted plant was the one person I didn't want to see. "Place it around here, perhaps." He says to his girlfriend before hanging it on the wall.

 

"It's so pretty. I'll take good care of it..." The woman says, flashing a smile at Vee as she finds herself in his strong embrace.

 

"Great...take good care of it just as you will our love." The deep-toned voice came out of his handsome face as it pressed against the pretty forehead.

 

Moosh!

 

The woman looks up and smacks a kiss against the chestnut-shaped lips before saying succinctly,

 

"I'll take good care of both the plant that I love and also the person that I love." She wooed, inducing a broad smile from Vee.

 

"You have a way with sweet words, Ploy," he compliments as he lifts her pretty chin to kiss the luscious lips one more time.

 

"Oh...don't make me blush." The pretty voice chimes while pushing his chest away.

"Haven't we already gone beyond first base?" Vee teases his girlfriend. 

 

If you asked me how I felt seeing the scenes unfold before me, it was disgust. Hmph... he said he'd never done a guy before, but did me last night. He said he loves his girl, but declared me as his wife just this morning. What a despicable guy this person is.

 

"You reek of cigarette stench, Vee."

"But I haven't smoked at all today."

 

"Well, I can smell it...Oh!..." She turns around and is surprised to see me in the adjacent room. I only knew that right below me was a room, though I had no clue that this was P'Vee's girlfriend's room.

 

"Sorry, didn't mean to interfere," I say in passing while raising a hand.

 

"It's okay. Just don't smoke near my plant," she says while giving me a sweet glance. I look at Vee in time to catch a strange look in his eyes, though it's for a very brief moment. He flashes a smile and walks over to embrace Ploy's waist, saying, "He's my faculty junior. "

 

"Oh! He's one of us, then. I'm Ploy, nice to meet you," she walks over to the balcony fence and extends her hand.

 

"Mark", I replied and shook her hand.

 

"That's enough now, I'm getting jealous" Vee takes her hand away from mine. I frown upon hearing that, as there's no point in being jealous, since I fully know I wasn't into girls.

 

"Why...it's just a greeting" Ploy turns towards P'Vee and smiles back at me. "Don't forget what I said, Mark. Don't smoke near my plant, okay?" 

 

Another pretty smile accompanied the sweet voice. Her smile made her face even more radiant, though I wasn't into beautiful women.

 

"Any way the wind blows. But I'll try to stay far away," I reply to her and steal a glance at P'Vee, who just stares back at me and says slowly,

 

"All's well then...at least don't try to ruin other people's relationships"

 

"I'll try my best not to," I answered back, not sure who exactly he was referring to. In any case, I'll wish blessings on all those in love.

 

"Wish you guys everlasting love."