Love Mechanics

Chapter 15. Eye to eye.

 

[Vee Vivis]

I walk into campus with a strange symptom. Wide grins alternating with slight smiles, while being contemplative in a way that those who have been confessed to would be. 

 

It's not that this is my first time, nor am I naive. I've been confessed to many times, and I'm aware that Mark has been thinking of me as more than a senior-junior for a long time. I may be good-looking, but I'm not stupid.

 

I could barely sleep last night. After hearing the confession from Mark, I simply stared at him, speechless. Sure, I was happy. Sure, I was surprised. He rarely expresses his emotions through words. Or was he drunk? Couldn't be. I was even more drunk than he was. But come to think of it, that raspy voice and red streak on his face are so memorable.

 

"Why hello there, what's up with 'Vee that makes him beam so much like that?" I stop smiling as soon as I hear the jeers from my friends. Am I being too obvious?

 

"Such a jolly face even after such a jealous-filled post."

"Jealous? They're just senior-junior."

 

"Right...C'mon. Jealous? They're not an item like that." Kla looks towards me before turning back into the circle of friends. I let out a weary sigh, not wanting to think of the time when my friends know the truth.

 

"The meeting with juniors is about to start. Why aren't you there to oversee it?" I ask, before putting my student bag onto the table and taking a seat among them.

Today, there's a meeting to prepare.

 

"Junior Engineering Camp". It sounds academic, but it is simply an excursion we arrange for the juniors after they've endured our yelling for the past year. We're travelling a bit farther this year, to Samet Island. Speaking of the ocean, the calm face of the freshman who just confessed to me floats into my mind, prompting me to produce a thin smile to myself. I know that he likes to swim.

 

"What's with the smiling after mentioning the juniors?" Yeewa teases from the opposite table. I look up at her with a stern face, not knowing what she said to the others. But judging by the dumb looks on the other friend's faces, I don't think Yeewa has revealed anything yet.

Although she may be nosy, witty, and imaginative, this friend of mine is also very tight-lipped.

 

"When exactly did I mention them?" I say cooly, not wanting to let the secret out. It's bad enough that my heart is beating so hard.

 

"Is he talking with juniors here?" Pond turns to ask Yeewa.

"I think it's quite obvious, you are..."

 

"What? I'm what?" I ask my friend.

"With the junior..."

 

"Hey! The juniors are all here!" Pin's deep voice breaks the silence before Kla can speak up. We all turn to face the person who just arrived, before Pond gives him a nod and instructs us to see the juniors.

 

I unfurl a small smile to Kla, who makes a weary face when his friends ignore him. He squints at me and tightens his lips. When friends are trying to be nosy but fail, it makes us feel so satisfied.

 

I stand still and listen to Pond and the staff talking to the juniors. My eyes focus on the group of freshmen sitting quietly and waiting to hear about the travel itinerary and schedule of activities. My friend just rants on and on without much substance. And already know everything he's talking about anyway.

 

"Eye to eye~"

 

"Eyes are staring at each other with passion~" I turn to the two voices beside me and roll my eyes. I tried not to get annoyed, but these two close friends of mine are really pushing it.

 

"Get outta here." I shoo them away before stepping out.

"Wow...keeping a cool head as usual. Suit yourself." Kla jeers at me.

 

"He's got to, especially in front of that junior of his."

"Yeewa..." I address her in a deep tone.

 

"Is it clear yet? So it's really this guy?" Kla asks, before nudging my arm with his shoulder.

 

"Which guy?"

"Trying to play it cool. A man of few words. A lot of fluff...just be careful that another dog will take the bone." Yeewa says, before turning to Mark once again, her mouth gesturing towards Nuea, who's not far away.

 

Wasn't it clear last night? Mark already said that he has someone he likes, and that he's confessed his love to that person already. These friends of mine... I can't call them bastards either, as it'd come right back at me. Since I can't get them with words, I'll have to use actions instead.

 

I ignore the looks from Yeewa and Kla, who look at me mockingly since I don't have a comeback. Sure....taunt me all you want. If he and I really get things going, I'll be sure to be even more lovey-dovey than that Bar-Kan couple.

 

I approach the senior-junior couple. They don't notice my presence because it's a bit crowded as people start to leave the area. A small smile appears on the face of my boy, as well as a sweet smile that's painted across my friend's face. Many people look at the two of them, as most people are aware of Nuea's past exploits. As for Mark...his friends would know.

 

"Hey, P'Vee! Hello."

 

The bright voice of Kamphan stops me in my tracks, as well as prevents those two from flirting even further. Mark and Nuea turn towards me before my friend raises his brows. As for the kid...he turns away.

 

"Hey...hello," I reply to my faculty junior, before turning to smile a bit at him.

 

"The hell are you here for? Our friends are over there." Nuea says, before walking past Mark towards me.

 

"I'm not here to see friends," I reply, before looking behind him. Nuea follows my eyes before raising his brows at me, though I ignore his glare.

 

"Who are you here to see then?"

"The junior..." I say.

 

"What junior? Oh, Pam, your junior line?" Nuea raises his brows and asks again, before turning towards my junior line, a junior whom I haven't been paying any attention to up until now.

 

"Yeah..." I answer my friend out of irritation, before passing him by towards my junior line. I then notice a giggling smile from the kid who just confessed his love to me last night. I give him a vengeful glare, prompting him to stop smiling and turn away. Sure...suit yourself.

 

I used to wonder if I should just announce my good feelings towards Mark to the world. But then...it's just a good feeling for now, and not quite love yet. And these days, the word "love" doesn't inspire confidence in me that we can last as a couple. I've given all my heart before, after all. After what I received in return, I've gotta lick my wounds first. Another reason I don't want to make a big fuss about it or proclaim my relationship status with Mark is that Mark didn't approach me first.

Even though he liked me to begin with, it didn't mean he snatched me away from Ploy. And I don't want it to look that way, either. It's not that I'm worried about myself, but I'm concerned about him.

 

I gather among my group of friends and look on as the freshmen and sophomores carry their bags onto the bus. The colourful jester for today is none other than Bar, who's standing with a red and black face. Talk about the side effects caused by the medical student. I turn to Mark, who's chatting with Fuse and the gang. A grin accompanies every word he says. It seems he's so cheerful these days.

 

Since that day, I continue to chat with him on Line as usual, asking him why he avoided my gaze, though he didn't reply. It upset me a bit, but then what can I do? I have no right yet. The more I think about it, the more I want to kick myself. The word unclear is floating clearly in front of me right now.

 

"Your story is the stuff of legends, man. Talk of the town all over campus. Not only did you guys profess your love in the middle of the plaza, you even took him to meet your parents. It's gonna trend for ages to come." I turn my attention to Pond's voice, who's babbling about Bar and Kan. I've no idea to what extent they've been talking about this, but my friend is trying to hide his embarrassment by making a serious face.

 

"Whatever floats your boat, man. If you enjoy it, then carry on." He says, before getting on the bus. I can only grin.

 

"I always do what gives me enjoyment, hehe!" I laugh from within my throat as I think of the incident a few days back. I discovered that the medical student who has my friend's engineering cog has put in a request to join our faculty's trip. My friend is unaware of this, though, as he gets on the bus and flashes a handsome smile at the freshmen.

"Aren't you getting on?" Yeewa asks as she points to the bus that I'm in charge of.

 

"Be right back," I say to my pretty friend tersely, before heading to the bus at the front.

 

"P'Vee. Your bus is over here, handsome." Kla teases me as he sees me walking away. 

 

The friends in that area look at me, but when they don't see anything unusual, they return to what they were focused on. I walk towards Kla and flash him an arresting smile.

 

"I know I'm in charge of this bus, but I wanna go see that lad." I pointed to the bus that Bar had just gotten on, then pointed my finger at Mark. No one looks in our direction except for Yeewa, whose eyes widen.

 

"So you admit?" My pretty friend walks over and grabs me by the shoulder to ask.

 

"Nah...I got caught," I reply before smiling at the two, leaving them with a bewildered look.

 

To be frank, they probably didn't expect that I'd be serious with Mark. I didn't even think about it myself. After some time had passed, I got to know his true feelings, which made me think about it more. When we return from Samet, it'll be vacation time, so I'll have more time to think it through.

 

"This bus?" I stop beside the tall guy, before raising my brows and pointing towards the bus beside him.

 

"Yeah." He replies from his throat, his oval eyes not looking at me. It doesn't bother me, though, since I wasn't looking at his face either. It may be cheesy to say I'm bashful after being confessed to, though it's the truth.

 

"Who's in charge?" I ask, before looking down at the list in my hand. "Nuea?" I look up at him before going through the seniors in charge of each bus.

 

"I guess so. I saw him getting on the bus already." He replies.

 

"Fucker..." I utter inside my throat. What a disaster. I look at Mark and then to the bus, before turning back to the list.

 

"You wanna go on my bus?" I decided to invite him after having thought about it.

 

"l..."

 

"Mark! Get on the bus!" I turn to the source of the voice. My bright-faced friend gestures and calls out loudly for Mark to get on. I'm about to move my mouth, but a voice from another direction interrupts.

 

"Vee! You're on this bus!" I've no idea who the nice friend who's concerned that get on the wrong bus is, as I don't look towards his direction, but instead the one in front of me, who's looking at Nuea.

 

"Not too much," I say to Mark, who then turns back to me.

 

"What?"

"Don't make me miss you too much."

 

We speak to each other briefly and softly, but we understand each other. After those few words, Mark and I get into our respective vehicles. I really want to know who organised this list. But never mind. I'm a more sociable person than he is. As for him...it seems he doesn't make friends that easily, although when he does open his heart up to someone, he easily becomes close and attached to that person.

 

I'm worried that he'll get too close to Nuea. Although he says he likes me, our minds can change, can't they? Even a person who professed love to me the whole year can suddenly say goodbye and leave..

 

Ploy Napas: You're seeing someone else?

 

I look at the personal chat message that pops up on my phone. My heart is racing as I try to prevent my fingers from clicking on the messages. I didn't delete the communication channels with Ploy, and I have never contacted her since that day. Until today...

 

Ploy Napas: I can't go back to you anymore, right? No matter how much I want to, I can't anymore.

 

I lock the screen so that the light and the message from the chat switch off. I inhale deeply and look out the window. I'm not sure how far the bus has been travelling, and I'm not sure how far I've walked away from Ploy. I don't know whether I can go back to her. If one were to ask me whether I'm okay with going back to her, I can immediately say that I can always forgive her. But the words of the one who took care of me while I was nursing my wounds echo in my mind.

 

"I want you to stop loving her soon.'

 

The one who cares for me even though I mistreated him. Rubbed salt in his wounds when he was hurt, but he took care of me when my own heart was broken. The one who just recently confessed his love to me. The one whom I've just opened my heart to.

 

I flip my phone when the screen lights up again. It's the message from the same person who's asking me to read and reply to her messages. Let out a sigh before deciding to rub my face and make a call.

 

[Uh] The raspy voice at the other end of the line makes me flash a smile. The thought of his scruffy face makes me want to grin even wider.

 

"Whatcha up to? Why's it so loud?" I ask upon hearing the music coming through the line.

 

[I'm sleeping. Others are singing.] He replies.

 

"Why sleep? Why don't you sing with your friends?" [I'm sleepy...] He says simply, but it paints a light smile on my face. The raspy, slightly wheedling voice makes me imagine the drowsy, small oval-shaped eyes. His mouth must be pointing downwards, while his nose is still aloft.

 

"Why didn't you sleep last night?"

 

[Who's fault?] He makes a high-pitched protest, prompting me to chortle in my throat. We video-called till late in the night. I've no idea when we fell asleep, but the last time I saw the clock, it was 2 am, and then I woke up at 4 am.

 

"Isn't it the same for me?" I contend.

[Then why aren't you sleepy?]

 

"I'm awesome."

[Hmph!]

 

[Mark! Come dance.] I raise my brows upon hearing the handsome voice, which I immediately recognise.

[Um...]

"Don't even think about it," I speak up before he answers my friend.

 

[Who are you talking to? Am I bothering you?] The handsome voice asks nearby. 

Even through the loud music, I can clearly hear Nuea's voice. I don't want to imagine how close they are to each other.

 

[My dad...] I chuckle upon hearing the answer given by my boy.

[So cute, daddy! Your son is so cute.]

 

"Daddy, my ass!" I immediately let out a curse. My friend is coming on to him so strongly. Even though I'm so close to the boy, I never once asked him about his dad. 

 

[I'll talk later.] Hey!

"Wait!..." 

 

The line is cut, which makes me begin to feel upset. What's with him hanging up the phone when Nuea is nearby?

 

Masa Mark: Not too much...don't be too jealous over me.

I can't help but smile upon reading that narcissistic comment.

 

Sure...ya fucker. Putting me in a good mood, only to then upset me. I sent him a stupid sticker as a reply and smiled at his response, which was also a sticker. I then stand up to check on the juniors in the bus. We're off to Samet Island to do bonding activities with the juniors to create harmony and release tension, after having yelled at them for most of the year.

 

"Kan..." I stop towards the back seats when I hear a deep voice calling out. This is what people in a relationship do...he simply wants to make a threat, even with his words.

 

"Okay, okay, I've told him." The handsome kid who's standing next to me yields and smiles sheepishly. If I admit to myself and accept Mark, will we be as cute as this couple?

 

"Not too much," Bar says, and glares at Kan.

 

"Not too much, what?" I approach Kan's side and lean over to ask both my friend and the junior medical student he's dating.

"It's my business," Bar says tersely and looks at Kan once again.

 

"Yeah, yeah. These days it's just either your business or mine." I say and express my dissatisfaction. These days, my behaviour has changed, ever since I learned that Mark likes people who wheedle and pout cutely. It makes me want to be like that, too.

 

"You don't even tell me anything about Mark." His words make my mouth agape.

 

"Hey now! That's uncalled for. I wanted to be nosy, but you're the one being nosy instead." I try to speak to the beat of the song to cover up my heated face. My friend's glare and the medical student's glare make me feel uneasy.

 

"Hehe, you guys are so cute," Tossakan speaks out. I'm wondering whether his compliment is directed towards Bar and me or Mark and me.

 

"Oh, hey! It's Doctor Kan, the Prom King of the Faculty of Medicine." My distraction tactics work.

 

"Haven't you had enough? The hell, man?" Bar complains irritably.

 

"Well, she broke my heart, man. And now she's trying to come back when I'm about to get over her." I say and look at Bar's face. Bar is my closest friend, and although we've been rather separate since he started dating, he's still the one who knows my feelings the most.

 

"What do you mean when you say get over her?" Tossakan turns and asks.

"Well, I got over her," I reply and look into his eyes.

 

"You got one over her already?" He asks and raises his brows at me.

"Yeah.."

 

"And...how was it?" Kan continues questioning.

 

"I already said it's good. Very good, actually. And now that the ex is coming back, I don't know what to think anymore." 

 

I rub my eyes after answering Kan. I walk away, ignoring the pressured look on the junior's face. He looks at me as if to ask what I'll do next. I don't want to answer just yet.

 

The bus stops at the rest area. Students gradually get off to stretch and grab a bite, myself among them. But once my feet touch the ground, I immediately want to get back onto the bus. It just so happens that my eyes change upon my other close friend putting his arms around the neck of my boy.

 

The proverb 'Slow and steady wins the race' does not apply to me. In my case, that wise phrase should be replaced by 'Slow and steady and the dog takes the bone'.

 

"Mark, what do you like to eat? How about this?" I tread into the convenience store at the same time they are choosing what to eat. Nuea's arm isn't wrapped around Mark's neck in a way that I've seen before. His slim fingers hold up a pouch of snacks for the junior to see.

 

"Anything's fine for me," Mark replies with a smile.

 

"You're an easy one to look after." Nuea teases before lifting his hand to rub Mark's hair, by which Mark doesn't step away even one bit. It makes me even more upset than the feeling I had when I stepped out of

the bus. If this isn't called fooling around, then what is?

 

"Oh my, oh my, these two are still flirting about. Haven't you guys had enough on the bus?" My brows flinch upon hearing the words of the latest Engineering Prom King. Fuse walks towards his friend and Nuea, teasing them.

 

"It's not enough. I'm going to hit on him till he's mine." Nuea says to Fuse, while his eyes are on Mark. The tall guy avoids his gaze, but he ends up making eye contact with me.

 

Damnit! I can't interfere, nor can I just jump in and drag him out. I harbour a little bit of hope that Mark will walk away, but there's simply no chance. Upset, I just walked to the toilet without buying anything. I wash my face with water to cool my mind, but it doesn't help, as I hear the words of freshmen conversing in the toilet.

 

"So Mark and P'Nuea are really an item?"

"It's possible. I see them always together."

 

"That's too bad. I like Mark," I turn to both of them, who are a bit far from me. 

 

Two fair-skinned, slender kids are talking. Their cute faces and cheery voices are to Mark's taste. They don't notice me and carry on their conversation, while I've gone deaf since learning that someone else also likes Mark.

 

"Enter the sweepstakes then."

"If they're still not an item, I'll try my hand."

 

"Snatch him for yourself."

How charming.

 

I stumble upon walking out of the toilet and finding the culprits mentioned by those two. Mark walks in together with Nuea. His slender hand is held by my friend's. I can see at the tip of my eye that there's a black stain on my boy's hand.

 

"What's the matter?" I ask before walking past them.

 

"That fucker, Fuse, he spilt coffee on Mark," Nuea complains irritably, before squeezing through beside me. Mark's oval eyes look up at me, though I merely look at him calmly.

 

"Nuea! Your junior's sick." A voice shouted out to Nuea at the front of the toilet. My friend curses out from within his throat before turning to look.

 

"You go take a look at Tae. That dude's an annoying rich boy type. I'll take care of Mark." I said to my friend. Nuea looks at Mark before looking at me. I nod to him once more. He leans down and whispers some words to Mark before heading out.

 

"C'mere," I say stiffly, dragging him by the arm and into the toilet.

 

"I can do it myself." He says as he pulls his arm away before I can start washing it.

 

"Don't piss me off, Mark." You guys are too much today. I scold him as I pull his hand under the running water, which I use to wash away the icky coffee stain from the slender hand. His skin has even turned red... oh, Fuse, you bastard!

 

"It hurts!" Mark exclaims, prompting me to soften my scrubbing a bit. 

 

"I'm not as gentle as your P'Nuea. Since when have you been holding his hand?" I chide him after I finish washing him. The person who's checking on his hand then looks up at me sternly.

"Don't start a fight." He says tersely, before walking past me to go out of the toilet.

 

"I'm not the one who's starting it. You're the one who asked for it." I argue as I hold back his shoulder.

 

"The hell's with you, P? I'm going to put on the medication." He turns back and rebukes me irritably, prompting me to look down at his swollen hand, which was caused by the hot coffee.

 

"Let me take you," I say, and pull Mark's wrist along, though he resists me.

 

'I can go by myself."

"Mark!"

 

"I don't know why you're so upset, but I don't wanna talk to you when you're like this!" He raises his voice to match mine. It's good that no one's around, as this could lead to a big scene.

 

"I'm mad at you, who else? Oh...and that Nuea guy, too. And Fuse. How dare they?"

 

"Really? Are you not upset because of your ex?" Mark says, before looking directly into my eyes.

 

"The hell you talkin' about?"

"The one who's crying out to you pitifully. The one who's..." Rerr~

 

Mark falls silent as my phone rings out. I don't let go of his hand, but use my other one to take my phone out. The one who's on the line right now makes me automatically look up at Mark, in the same manner that he is looking back at me after having glanced at the phone.

 

"That one." He says, and pulls his arm back before turning around and walking away. I stand stiffly and watch as Mark walks further and further away, before looking down at my phone, to which the same person calls in again.

 

Ploy.