Interminable

The strains of boat music had drifted on the air since the fall of twilight, yet the visitor remained seated in the same spot, for the house owner showed no sign of going out and joining the festivities. Instead, he continued his chores in tranquil composure, unaffected by the disapproving glare his mother cast his way. The dainty youth pressed his lips firmly together as he reached for a lotus blossom and began folding its petals, feigning as if nothing could bother him, though the furrowed brows betrayed otherwise. The onlooker heaved another weary sigh.

 

"You can leave, Kaew. I can finish this myself."

 

"I shall do it, Mother. You should retire for the night, or you won't be able to rise in the morning. Oh, I've already prepared the tray for the morning offerings. I shall cook it myself at dawn. You needn't trouble yourself, all right?" The youth answered with a sweet smile, his rosy lips prattling mellifluously as he stood up and helped his mother into her mosquito net.

 

"You're changing the subject again, my child."

"I'm not changing the subject."

 

"Khun Phra Nai has been waiting since dusk."

"Who asked him to wait? I never said I wanted to go to the fair."

 

"Just you wait! If you truly don't intend to go to the temple fair, then why not tell Khun Phra Nai so? How can you leave him waiting about like this?"

 

"I never asked him to wait..."

 

"Urgh, Kaew. It's grown very late now, and the dew is falling thick. Who knows if Khun Phra Nai has caught a chill by now?"

 

"Mother, you can retire to bed. No need to keep vigil!"

 

With that, the youth ushered his frail mother into bed, quickly shoving her down the mattress and covering her up to the chin with a thick blanket, for the night was as chilly as she had warned. Then he swivelled and scurried out from under the net, leaving his mother shaking her head with a fond smile, and gave an exasperated smile at that hurried manner.

 

Since the day of calling on the man at his bedside, Luang Sanor had insisted that Kaewta deliver herbal medicines every single day, despite Kaewta's having already protested that the patient was already under the care of a Western physician. Yet Luang Sanor remained unsure. Some days, he cited pressing responsibilities; on others, he found no occasion to visit the Khun Phra Nai himself, so he entrusted everything to Kaewta. 

 

Once the fever broke, the charming young nobleman began frequenting the dance pavilion at Luang Sanor's house almost daily and lingered until nightfall. Only wishing to catch even the briefest glimpse of that person was enough to gladden his weary soul. Even if the petite figure spoke to him with pointed barbs sometimes or found reasons to bicker with his retainer now and then, none of it ever deterred him in the least.

 

Now the tall figure stood, rubbing his hands together for warmth, though the thick cloak he wore did little to keep the chill at bay. He had patiently awaited the house owner since dusk in hopes that once Kaewta had seen to his chores, they might attend the temple fair together. Yet no sooner had the youth completed one task than he turned to another. The moon had long since risen high into the heavens, and still, there was no sign he would finish anytime soon.

 

The large krathong he had painstakingly crafted, which earned him several scoldings from Nanny Yam in the process, remained in the hands of Saen, who dozed off while keeping him company. Having only just recovered from his illness, the young lord sat in the chilly breeze on a bamboo platform beneath the Spanish cherry tree in front of the little house.

 

His heart started to sink; it had been quite some time since Kaewta had seen his mother in bed, yet the young one he longed to see still had not presented himself. With a sigh, the man reached out to rouse Saen from his slumber.

 

"Y-Yes, Master?"

 

"Let's return home." The tall figure drew his cloak tighter. Watching the krathong in Saen's hands, he cast a sad smile.

 

"But..."

 

"I've been stubbornly sitting here waiting for him. He never once said he would go to float the krathong."

 

"Khun Yai went to such trouble to make it," muttered the one holding the krathong. That speaker winced, refusing to rise.

 

"Then you take it, Saen. I don't want to float it anymore..."

"But I want!"

 

"Lady Chui Chai!" Saen beamed, jumping to his full height in delight. He looked at his master, who now pivoted to look at the owner of the house. With that astonishing countenance, Saen couldn't stifle his laughter.

 

"If you don't want to float this krathong anymore, may I have it instead, sir? I... didn't make one myself."

 

"Of course! I've been waiting to float it with you, Kaewta!" Khun Yai abruptly answered, smiling from ear to ear. His heart now throbbed against his chest, swelling so fully he could hardly muster words.

 

"But you've just said you didn't want to float anymore."

 

"If I must have done it alone, I didn't want to." The nobleman replied coyly. That bashful manner left the smaller man speechless. "That's why I waited for you, Kaewta, to float the krathong with me."

 

"How was I to know? Standing there grinning with the krathong in your hands like a madman, I thought you only made it to admire merely." The hoarse, sweet voice retorted pointedly. Saen, holding the krathong all this time, opened his mouth but could not utter a sound; since he was the one holding, the 'madman' in the sentence must have been him rather than his young lord!

 

"You're so mischievous, Lady! How could you leave my recently recovered Khun Yai standing, waiting out here in the cold breeze like this?" Saen, who had just been called mad, deliberately addressed the person before him as

 

"Lady's loud and clear, despite knowing full well it might earn him a smashed mouth for it.

 

"I told you not to call me Lady!"

 

"Because you're easily piqued; that's why Saen teases you with that," interjected the man in the middle, who was instantly rewarded with a fierce glare in his direction instead.

 

"Sir!"

"Don't be cross with Saen. He was only teasing, nothing more."

"Huh!"

 

That soft voice and faint smile made the angry one look away, arms crossed, for fear of caving into the charm, and unconsciously nodding in agreement, he folded his arms and huffed, turning away.

 

"Come now, let's float our krathong. The moon is nearly above its zenith." That arresting smile softened all irritation. Kaewta led the way ahead and thus did not see the fond gaze cast in his wake. Tonight, the stars were dimmed by the moon's brilliance, yet the starry sparkle in Khun Phra Nai's eyes shone even more brightly, his newfound joy reflected there.

 

Even though it was late into the night, every shop along the way was still bustling with clients. Many of the young had yet to float their krathongs because they were still too caught up in the festivities. This year, foreign merchants also set up stalls, but the most popular stall by far was the herbal liquor stand, so packed with patrons that no one wanted to leave-some sang, while others talked and laughed heartily. From time to time, the sound of boat songs drifted in from the riverside while the verse theatre onstage had already fallen quiet.

 

Kaewta clapped enthusiastically and laughed at the flirtatious verse sung by one of the female performers to the male side. The male on the receiving end would respond with equally teasing lines until the other one was left blushing. Khun Phra Nai also laughed along with the courting exchange; he did not often have a chance to enjoy a festival like this due to his overwhelming duties. He glanced aside at the small figure still applauding the group of elders. They were trading playful boat song verses without yielding to one another.

 

"O fair lady over there, come float your krathong with me if you dare, all right?"

One of the male singers called out upon spotting Kaewta. The tall man, who had at first kept his distance, shifted closer until his shoulder aligned with the smaller frame from behind. From a distance, it appeared as though he was embracing Kaewta at the waist.

 

"Oh, why didn't you tell me you came with your lovebird? Hey!" The singer teased when he saw the man's possessive stance. The female singers joined in, echoing the teasing refrain with peals of laughter. Sensing odd, Kaewta turned to glare at the taller man.

 

"What did you do to me?!"

"Nothing," The young aristocrat said, feigning innocence as he scratched his nose and looked around.

 

"Then better hide your trick very well!" Kaewta hissed before stomping away.

 

"My, my! That's him not knowing he's being teased, Master!" Saen quipped, causing the nobleman to chuckle in his throat. He gave Saen a smack on the belly with the back of his hand and ran after Kaewta.

 

"Kaewta, this one is scrumptious," Khun Phra Nai offered a skewer of vivid candied jujubes to the smaller figure, who was looking for a stall that might still have something left to sell.

 

"I know it's good. I eat it often, sir." Despite that, the small hand accepted the skewer.

 

"Is that so? Can you share it with me then?"

"If you wanted some, why did you only buy one stick?"

 

"...It's fine if you don't want to share." Khun Yai's expression fell in defeat, causing the one holding the candied fruit to be crestfallen.

 

"Here, have some!" Kaewta held out the skewer, but the taller man did not take it in his hand. Instead, he smiled, bent down, and bit into one of the jujubes on the stick the moment he had permission.

 

"Mmm, sweet." The young nobleman murmured contentedly while chewing, cheeks puffed out. Kaewta stood there, wordless at how delighted he looked. After a moment of hesitation, Kaewta raised the skewer and took a bite as well.

 

The moon had long since passed its peak. The night air grew ever chillier, prompting Kaewta to draw his cloak more closely around himself as he made his way toward the riverbank. The temple fair now gleamed with thousands of lights, casting a splendid glow. At the pier, the flickering brilliance of myriad krathongs mirrored the stars strewn across a velvet firmament.

 

"What a splendid view," the young one beamed as he stepped down, waiting on the pier.

 

"Yes...What a splendid view," responded Khun Yai, though his gaze was locked on the delicate figure before him. That fair face, bright with a smile, was so endearing. The raven-black hair pinned up with a simple wooden hairpin looked somehow perfect on him. His round, pert nose and rosy lips were especially captivating-everything about him made Khun Phra Nai's heart pound. But above all else, it was his pair of willful eyes that enraptured him most.

 

"What are you staring at?!" Right on cue, the adorable features scrunched up in annoyance.

 

"I'm looking at you, Kaewta." The answer was straight through the heart, prompting Kaewta to set his hands on his hips at once.

 

"I'm no staged jester, sir. You must be looking in the wrong direction!"

"But I wish to look only at you."

 

Those words brought an unbidden flush to Kaewta's cheeks, enough to chase away whatever scolding he had prepared. Something in his chest fluttered so wildly that he was forced to avert his gaze.

 

"Is that not allowed?"

 

"What's there to see? I am a man just like you, not some fair-faced maiden to be admired!" The sweet voice trembled with coyness, yet it hushed the listener, for it was the very thing he had been trying his best to ignore.

 

"It's true. Both of us are men," Khun Phra Nai murmured in a rueful tone that made Kaewta turn to look at him. His refined face, now gloomed by despondency, left the younger man wordless. Those eyes of sorrow gazed across the riverbend, absent of purpose or intent.

 

"Hey, are we going to float this krathong or not?" Prompted by that look, Kaewta blurted out the question. And not only asking, but the youth also snatched the large krathong from Saen, who had been watching his master and Lady Chui Chai from a respectful distance. 

 

Kaewta lit the candles and incense, lifted the krathong to his forehead to pay homage to the River Goddess, and inwardly wished for what lay in his mind. "Hey, beg pardon of the Goddess Ganga and make a wish, sir." The small pair of hands held out the krathong, smiling.

 

"...Thank you," the tall figure accepted that krathong to himself and smiled back before closing his eyes to make a wish. When the ritual was done, the krathong remained lifted over his head, waiting for the one beside him to touch it as well. Together, they sent it gliding across the river.

 

No words passed between them after that. The walk back from the river seemed all too short to the young lord. How he wished the night would last just a little longer or that the walk could stretch just a little farther so he could remain beside Kaewta a while longer. However, the moon had already passed the midpoint of the sky long ago.

 

"Thank you, Kaewta, for floating the krathong with me."

"Umm."

 

"You should go inside now. I shall head back too." The man smiled sadly, preparing to turn away.

 

"Uh..."

"Hm?"

 

"Thank you for taking me out there. And, well... those candied jujubes were scrumptious!" No sooner had the nobleman had a chance to respond than the petite youth had dashed into the house and extinguished every lamp. There followed a yelp of pain and a loud crash as something fell over, prompting Khun Phra Nai, whose eyes remained wide from the earlier remark, to burst into laughter. Perhaps, those cheeks now were burning bright...so very bright.

 

"Saen, those candied jujubes were utterly delicious..."

"Yes, Master."

 

Kaewta clutched his foot, tears pricking at the corners of his eyes. His face had been burning from saying something so mortifying, but now the pain from stubbing his toe on a table and knocking it over had stolen all sense of his shyness.

 

"Blast it! I must've ridiculed myself..." Kaewta murmured to himself with his eyes misted over. This night, he had been far too kind toward the other! But who had compelled that man, scarcely recovered from illness, to sit in the chilly night air, waiting for him thus? Such a reckless act for his frail condition! He had agreed to accompany the man only out of concern that his fever might return, not because he discreetly wanted to join such a festivity! However, what was that nobleman's wish?

 

Seeing that sorrow-laden look... What he had intended to pray for himself ended up being devoted to the man beside him instead. It was those melancholy eyes that looked so excruciating.

 

O, Goddess Ganga, please do not let that smile fade away. May Khun Phra Nai's smile remain always.

 

════[changbins_delulu_wife]════

 

"Speak! Who was that trollop who went off with Darling!?"

 

No one voiced a reply. Sophee's willowy figure stood in the middle of the courtyard with a handful of servants, raging at the troupe of dancers who had come out to see what the commotion was about. Her tapering eyes squinted over them to find fault. Sophee was on the brink of madness with fury. 

 

Just yesterday, she had sat for hours crafting a krathong until her hands hurt, all the while waiting eagerly for her young master to return from work. She had longed to attend the temple fair, watching the boat songs, floating their krathongs with him. But even when evening came, until the night fell and the moon had already climbed halfway across the sky, her beloved had not yet returned. She sat and stood restlessly, her heart torn with worry, and sent her servants to seek him at his workplace, only to find it deserted. Still, she waited-waited long into the deep hours of the night, but not even a shadow of the man she loved appeared. 

 

The krathong she had so carefully crafted lay ruined, broken into pieces. Sophee wept; for once, he had tended to her with such constant warmth. Yet over time, that warmth had slowly faded ever since the day she confessed her wish to become his life's companion. From that moment on, he never again showed her tenderness nor drew near as he once did.

 

"What is all this ruckus, Sophee?" The master of the house descended the steps with Kaewta at his side and halted before Sophee.

 

"Good evening, Uncle,"

"Bless you, dear. I could hear your shout from upstairs. What's happening?"

 

"It's your dancer. I don't know which of them dared to attend the Loy Krathong festival last night with my beloved." Her gaze still roamed the group, hoping to catch someone giving themselves away.

 

"Why? Who would Yai go with? Why should it trouble you so much that you're mad like this?" Luang Sanor's question blended with a chuckle.

 

"Uncle! Everyone knows he is my betrothed. It is most improper for these lowly servants to thrust themselves upon him!"

 

"Wouldn't it be better for you to ask Yai himself? There's no use probing these girls. And if he truly went with one of my dancers, I'm sure that person would've come forward by now."

 

"But someone told me..."

 

"Then who was it? Why didn't they provide you with the name so you wouldn't have to trouble yourself with all this? I think you should return for now. This isn't the sort of way a lady would behave, and if I find out which dancer it was, I promise I shall see to it she's disciplined; you don't have to bother yourself, Sophee. These girls are under my care; just come and ask me to handle the matter."

 

"Very well, sir!" Sophee gave a dissatisfied response. But as she turned to leave, her eyes landed on a fair-skinned face standing silently behind Luang Sanor, prompting a sudden thought. "If you do learn who dared consort with my man, please let me know, Uncle. To ensure they never cling to him again!" Luang Sanor sighed deeply. Though Sophee spoke to him, her disapproving glare was locked on Kaewta before she finally stormed off.

 

"Do you have anything to confess, Kaew?"

"No, sir,"

 

From that day, Kaewta avoided any encounter with Khun Phra Nai. Ever since Sophee's outburst at the house, the dancers rarely spoke of the handsome young lord and his presence. The sound of a car pulling up at the front of the house signalled the arrival of an important visitor. Kaewta peeked through the window, then quickly pulled back behind the curtain.

 

"Who is it, Kaew?" asked Luang Sanor, looking up from his work at the youth who sat beside him, studying song scripts.

 

"...It's Khun Phra Nai, sir."

"Go fetch some refreshments."

 

"I shall ask PhiLamduan to fetch them, sir," Kaewta said, scurrying to leave. Yet scarcely had the youth stepped beyond the door when he found himself forced to stop. He greeted the newcomer and sidled aside.

 

"Kaewta... why does it feel as if you're avoiding me? I've visited here many times but never caught sight of you."

 

"I had other duties to attend to, sir. Please let go of me," Kaewta took a side glance at the hand gripping his arm, refusing to meet the man's eyes because if he did, he feared he would lapse into speaking, arguing, or bickering with him again, as he always had.

 

"No. Sean, please tell Luang Sanor I'm sorry, but I won't be able to attend the conversation today."

 

"Yes, Master."

 

Kaewta glanced up. He was clueless about the man's intention. But was compelled to turn away abruptly, for he now realised the young lord's eyes had never left his visage for any second. Though the smaller arm was set free, it still felt the imprint of that strong grip. Kaewta touched the spot lightly as he drew a deep breath before hurriedly striding to escape the other man, but with little success.

 

"Why must you follow me, sir?" Unable to hold his tongue anymore, Kaewta inquired at last.

 

"Then why must you avoid me, Kaewta?" The man never ceased his effort to match Kaewta's pace. Confusion filled his eyes as he looked upon the smaller figure's half-turned face.

 

"Avoid you? You must be mistaken." 

 

"No, I'm not. You are avoiding me. When you saw me earlier, you'd have glared or pulled some little jest to pester me."

 

"...Am I so ill-mannered in your view?" That remark pricked him with a sudden ache in his chest like something had gone missing... though he didn't know what it was.

 

"That's not what I meant. I just.."

"Just what?"

"This isn't like you at all, Kaewta."

 

"Not like me? Do you presume to know me that well, Khun Phra Nai?"

 

"Because I still know too little, that's why I'm asking for a chance. Please allow me to know more about you, won't you?"

 

"For what purpose?" From having always avoided that gaze, Kaewta finally bore into the tall man's mournful eyes, also hoping to see his own answer reflected there.

 

"So that I can lo..."

 

CRASH!

Came a sudden thud as if something had fallen from inside the house. Kaewta, who had been so intent on escaping that he did not realise they had arrived at the house. He spun around to inspect inside. His eyes flung wide in shock.

 

"Mother!"

 

Payom's frail body lay flat on the wooden floor, with fallen objects scattered all around. Seeing his mother's blanching face, Kaewta panicked. The youth rushed to gather his mother in his arms, but Khun Phra Nai could reach her first and carried her unconscious form into his own arms.

 

"I shall take her to the Western physician."

"But..."

 

"No buts. Find me a rickshaw. Is there any nearby?" The tall man cut him off and urged the youth to run out to see if there was any way to convey his mother to the doctor. Yet he found none.

 

"There's none... What should we do?"

 

"I shall carry her myself." Wasting no time in doubt, the young nobleman laid Payom down, then gathered her frail form upon his back. To Kaewta, the path to the physician felt as though stretching without end. They ran without pause. All he could do was to observe his mother's ash-white face that rested against Khun Phra Nai's back; his heart seized with dread and helplessness.

 

"Physician!" The deep voice called out, echoing with urgency, summoning the Western doctor to examine her.

 

"Her condition is grave. I shall call upon other missionaries to help." The foreign-dialectal cadence told the man after he took some time to examine Payom's condition. He then ordered attendants to carry the patient inside for further treatment.

 

"Mother!" Kaewta burst out after those words, yet the taller man held him back, keeping him from disrupting the proper care she needed.

 

"Kaew.. Let the Western physician take care of Mother Payom now. Please don't meddle just yet. She will pull through. These physicians are highly skilled, trust me."

 

"HIC!"

Kaewta's crimson lips pressed tight. His eyes brimmed red, yet the tears were inwardly confined. The man pulled him into a firm embrace, wishing to ease Kaewta's pain, even only a little.

 

"Cry all you want. I promise I won't peek." That voice was so gentle, like a cool stream poured upon a parched heart, like warm sunlight bathing his body. The pair of small arms reached up to circle the man's sturdy waist, and at last, he let the sobs burst forth.

 

Kaewta wiped his tears away once he'd wept his fill. Looking up at the man who comforted him, he flushed with embarrassment at how he had thought only of himself, forgetting the presence of another. The small form pulled away and reached into his pocket, offering up a handkerchief.

 

"My apologies, sir. I've behaved so shamefully."

 

"Think nothing of it," the man said, taking the handkerchief and dabbing the sweat from his brow, his exhaustion lifting as if by magic.

 

"In fact, Uncle-I mean, Khun Luang-he often brought medicine for my mother. But I don't know why it worsened so much this time." Kaewta was at a loss, unsure of what to mention to fill the silence.

 

"This year, the cold has been more severe than any yesteryear. Perhaps it worsened Mother Payom's condition," The small one nodded quietly. "I shall stay with you... until she recovers."

 

"Eh?"

"Or would you prefer to have Saen instead?'

 

Khun Phra Nai offered an alternative because he noted the youth's countenance. He had made the offer without asking about Kaewta's desire, afraid that it might aggrieve him.

 

"It's actually no trouble if you were to stay, sir."

 

"...ls that so?" The tall man smiled and said nothing further. He just remained seated, keeping the youth company in quietude.

 

"The foreign medicine works wonders. Mother Payom's visage is now greatly improved."

 

"Yes, sir." Kaewta smiled at the remark.

 

Since that time, Luang Sanor had come each day without fail to ask after his mother's condition-a stark contrast to the other gentleman who had seen him off and was nowhere to be found since. Kaewta awaited an opportunity to express his gratitude, all the while concerned that the man might have fallen ill once more, given the recent cold of the weather.

 

"Thanks to Yai. He saw to everything."

"Yes, sir."

 

"He's been caught up in state affairs without rest since that day." As though reading the youth's heart, the senior lord went on, offering a little longer explanation as he noticed the young ward's constant craning of the neck, so much so that he feared it might stretch out like a heron's before long.

 

"He's been caught up or not; what does it have to do with this, sir?" Kaewta ducked his head, feigning he hadn't just been straining his neck moments ago, then hurried back to sit at his mother's bedside. The gesture, however, only brought hearty laughter from the old aristocrat.

 

"You little hypocrite!"

Luang Sanor muttered under his breath, not to let Kaewta hear it. He feared the young one might snap back at him, so he could only laugh aloud instead.

 

"So, it is truly you!"

 

"Ahh!" A sudden tug from behind sent Kaewta stumbling backwards. He peeked up at the hand that had seized him in bafflement. The youth had only just returned to bathe after tending to his ailing mother at the Western doctor's residence, intending afterwards to make his way to Luang Sanor's rehearsal pavilion.

 

"I've been wondering which hustler had the nerve to mess with my beloved. It turns out to be you! You filthy, deviant pansy!" The sneer in the woman's voice and the taunt in her eyes were impossible to miss. Seething at humiliation, Kaewta swatted away the hand gripping his shoulder.

 

"Lady Sophee, please mind your words. If anyone overhears it, they might deem you've never been taught proper manners." 

 

"You! You lowborn wretch!" Sophee's face blazed with wrath. She shoved Kaewta hard in the chest, so hard he hit the ground.

 

"Don't ever call me lowborn!"

 

"Why couldn't I? You're nothing but the son of an alien peddler and a promiscuous dancer! And yet you audaciously put on airs with me? Such a conceit who doesn't know your place."

 

"Don't speak ill of my parents!"

 

"I shall say what I please. What now, will you strike me, you perverse creature?" 

 

Her vile tongue knew no end. Kaewta clenched his fists, knowing full well that he couldn't fight back at her. Worse still, Sophee had brought along two towering male servants who stood ready to do her bidding at a word.

 

"I am not perverse!"

 

"Then what do you call the way you've seduced my lover? What tricks did you use, hmm? Did you tell him you were a woman, or did you use some wicked charm to lure him?"

 

"I didn't trick or seduce him."

 

"Lies! If not for you, would he slip out every single night? Why does he slip to Luang Sanor's place day after day? And why, tell me, does he keep bribing that Western physician to treat your mother?!"

 

"It's not....!"

 

"It was you who brought disgrace upon my beloved! Words spread throughout the capital that Chaomeun Samur Jairatch became so besotted with a dancing girl that he could hardly perform his duties."

 

Sophee's elegant face was now contorted. The rumour itself wounded her far less than what she had witnessed with her own eyes when the servant she had sent to trail the man reported seeing Khun Phra Nai carrying the frail form of that dancer to a foreign doctor. 

 

At first, she refused to believe that a performer old enough to be his mother could ever entice her lover. But when she followed to see for herself, she found the man's soft expression and the tender, loving gaze as he held someone else in his arms... It was not that ageing, scrawny performer but rather a pretty young boy, and that sent Sophee reeling with envious wrath.

 

"..."

"You're a man, just like him! So, how did you beguile him into your trap? You're not even a woman!" Sophee hurled her accusations without pause.

 

Kaewta fell mute, not because of the accusation itself, but because what Sophee had spoken was true. Though he had always known that both he and Khun Phra Nai were the same sex, still... his heart would beat wildly whenever the man drew close, feel a quiet joy at the sight of that radiant smile, discreetly search for that face that was absent, or yearn for more of that gentleness whenever he was wrapped in the man's embrace.

 

Yes... he was the one at fault.

At fault for being a man, not a woman.

 

"Seize him!" At Sophee's command, the two servants approached Kaewta and gripped those shoulders on either side.

 

"What are you doing, Lady?"

"Huh? Are you scared?" Sophee walked toward him, her eyes studying the features of the youth pinned before her. He was only slightly taller than she, by a few inches at most. His skin was fair and smooth, hinting at his Chinese heritage. 

 

His deep black, long-limned eyes that once twinkled like a starry sky were now shivering beneath her glare. Those lips were carmine, and the long, silky hair was the colour of a raven feather.

 

So exquisite, so breathtakingly exquisite that it was rarely found in others. And because of that, she had loathed him from the very first glimpse!

 

"Is it that this visage? Or this long, womanly hair you used to charm him. If you had neither of them, would he then return to his senses?"

 

The lady pulled the wooden pin from his topknot, letting down his dark hair to fall in disarray over his shoulders.

 

SLAP! The sharp sound of her palm striking his cheek echoed through the room-a sound that revealed just how her fury blazed over, leaving a side of Kaewta's face instantly swollen.

 

"Lady Sophee..." The young man's eyes flicked with dread at what she held in her hand. Sophee yanked his hair fiercely from behind.

 

"So, it is this hair?"

 

"No!" Kaewta howled to halt, but Sophee already swung the blade, hacking off the locks that once fell to mid-back.

 

"The hair does matter, I see. You're a dancer, after all. Then I shall shave your head and scar your face until you'll never dare show yourself to another soul again!"

 

"Stop!" A deep, coarse voice halted Sophee before she could act further. The lady turned sharply to find the source, full of wrath.

 

"Saen!"

 

"What are you going to do, Lady Sophee?" Saen asked, not yet moving closer, but his eyes fixed on Kaewta's restrained form.

 

"None of your concern! Stay out of it!"

 

"But you're mistreating someone, Lady. It doesn't seem like proper conduct for His Excellency's daughter.

 

"Oh? Doesn't seem like my proper conduct? Then... Maan! Scalp this depraved wretch for me!"

 

"No!" Saen lunged to seize Man's arm just as he was about to yank Kaewta's hair at Sophee 's command.

 

"Step aside, Saen!"

"I won't, Lady! Why are you doing this?"

 

"I owe you no explanation!"

 

"Please don't do this." Saen looked toward Kaewta, who was now sagging to the floor, still held fast by the other servant. The youth's small frame had collapsed, but his tear-filled eyes burned with defiance as he stared at Sophee. 

 

"Otherwise, I fear this manner will reach Khun Yai's ears."

 

"Are you threatening me, Saen?" Sophee narrowed her eyes at her beloved's trusted man, seething with wrath. She knew well that her man cherished Saen as a blood brother and would believe his every word.

 

"I'm not threatening you, Lady," Saen replied, meeting her gaze, making it clear he intended to do precisely that if Sophee refused to stop harming Kaewta.

 

"Retreat!" Sophee glared at the youth, who crumpled to the ground. Her eyes blazed with resentment before finally backing away. Saen supported the slight frame as he helped the young one into the house. He let the youth sit in silence for

a while before urging him to bathe. Seeing Kaewta's swollen face, wounded lips, and dishevelled hair with some of it even torn out, Saen could only sigh. If Khun Yai were to see Kaewta in such a state, heaven knew what might come of it.

 

"Please wash yourself, sir. I shall wait to escort you to His Lordship's residence. I may suggest you stay there tonight."

 

"..." The boy offered no reply, rising quietly to bathe as though lost in thought. Yet, those lovely eyes reflected deep lament.

Kaewta paused at the steps of Khun Luang's veranda, gazing up at the person blocking his way.

 

"What happened? Why are you in such a condition?"The tall figure shifted to bar Kaewta, who tried to slip past him. He worked in such haste that he scarcely rested. Yet, his mind was too preoccupied with worries about Kaewta-whether the troubles about his mother had eased, whether he was eating properly, whether he was still attending his dance rehearsals. 

 

That was why he had sent Saen to see Kaewta at home. Should the youth need anything, he would have Saen for assistance and companionship. But now... the face he had missed so dearly was painted with sadness, with one side of the cheek thoroughly swollen, and his once-silken hair was no longer in its previous state. Thus, Khun Phra Nai turned to his trusted companion for an explanation. Assuredly, the diminutive figure would not confide in him.

 

"Khun Sophee, sir."

"Sophee did this to you?"

 

The man lifted his hand and lightly touched the bruised side of his profile. Kaewta compressed his lips in a tight line and refused to meet his gaze. How deeply the man longed to gather him into his arms, to ease his trembling heart and chase away the hurt and the terror. How sorely he wished to murmur an apology, to tell him that he never meant for him to suffer such cruelty.

 

He had known... that one day if Sophee ever discovered his heart belonged to another, she would hound and harm that very soul. Yet, he couldn't gravitate to the call of his own heart; he could not keep himself from loving Kaewta. Sophee attached herself to him, determined to claim him wholly, but the love he felt for her was nothing more than brotherly regard. It had remained unchanged since their early days. He could never reciprocate the affection the way she desired.

 

"Why, sir?"

 

"Kaew..." The tall man lowered his hand from Kaewta's cheek as the boy finally looked up and asked,

 

"Why must you involve yourself with me, Khun Phra Nai?"

"Kaewta?"

 

"Since when? Was it on that day you attended the royal court?"

Those ravishing eyes trembled as he spoke. That day, Kaewta had danced in place of his mother. He had seen the young nobleman of the capital, whom all the ladies whispered about, seated in the front row. Kaewta had nearly faltered in his steps, almost lost his breath, when that young aristocrat looked his way. There was something in that gaze that took his breath away. He did not know what it was...

 

"Perhaps," the tall man replied softly. Kaewta looked as fragile as a thin piece of glass on the verge of fracturing into countless shards.

 

"Are your eyes so poor, Khun Phra Nai, that you could not tell I am no woman?"

"That day... I did not know."

 

"And what of after?"

 

The sweet, trembling voice cracked as tears brimmed in Kaewta's eyes. "After you learned I was no woman, why did you still come here?"

 

"Because..."

 

"Because I resemble a woman, is that so?" Kaewta wiped his tears with the back of his hand, lips pressed. The moment those words were uttered, why did it feel as though his heart would split apart?

 

"No..."

"Is it this face? Is it the hair?"

 

"Kaewta."

"Is it this appearance that has deceived you?"

 

"No, it's not that."

"Then what is it? What is it, sir?"

 

"Because I lo..."

"If what you saw caused such a mistake..."

 

"Kaewta, listen."

"Then..."

 

"What are you going to do?" The tall figure asked, alarm rising as Kaewta gathered his long hair in his hands. He glimpsed a small knife in Kaewta's grip, his heart seizing with dread.

"I shall show you once and for all that I am no woman!"

 

Tears streamed down Kaewta's cheeks as the small, sharp blade in his hand slashed through his silken hair.

 

"Kaewta!"

"I am no woman! Can you see that now?"

 

"Kaew..." Khun Yai could no longer hold back his tears. His gaze was full of anguish as he looked at the youth before him. It hurt him that Kaewta was weeping because of him.

 

"...A man... no woman..."

 

The small one ascended the step tardily, leaving behind only the fallen strands of raven-black hair on the ground. The young nobleman stared at the hair he had once highly adored with mournful eyes before sinking to his knees and gathering the soft tresses to his chest.

 

"Khun Yai!" Saen rushed forward to support his master's sturdy shoulders, which were once broad and square, now slumped and heavy with grief.

 

"Kaew..." Kaewta's hair, Kaewta's torment. He dared not turn to look at the youth's back, fearing that if he beheld those small shoulders shaking with sobs, he would abandon all restraint and take him in his arms. If he did, would it break Kaewta even more? The sight of that thin back through a veil of tears.

 

"Kaewta..."

"Kaew..."

Kaew...

"Kaew."

 

"Kaew!"

 

"Mmm." The thin eyelids fluttered open. The face that was leaning over him still blurred in his vision. "Khun Phra Nai...?"

 

"No, Kaew. It's me, Chai."

 

"Phi Chai...?" Disoriented, the boy glanced around before recalling that he was no longer aboard Khun Luang's rehearsal pavilion.

"One joss stick has already burned out," Chai smiled faintly, helping Kaewta sit upright.

 

"Time passed so quickly." Chai looked at the pale, delicate face with concern, then turned to scan the room, following Kaewta's searching gaze. "What about Khun Phra Nai?"

 

"I don't know. I haven't seen him since you closed your eyes."

"Is that so?..."

 

"Let's head home now. If it gets any later, Aunt Chan Pen must be worried." Chai reminded Kaewta that night had fallen, and they should not linger here any longer.

Kaewta agreed to leave, though his heart remained burdened by thoughts of someone he longed to see again.

 

The glimpse he had caught just before he reopened his eyes made his heart twinge with a bittersweet ache. Was that Kaewta the same person as him now?

Then why had he and Khun Phra Nai been torn apart... despite loving one another so deeply?

 

Kaewta wished he had more time. One joss stick's length per week was far too little. He was dying to know everything soonest, but the venerable monk would never permit it, fearing for his safety. That's all right. The young man told himself not to act rashly. There would be plenty of time for him to unearth the whole truth, gradually, to learn all the feelings of the Kaewta in his dreams and of himself, as well as that man...Khun Phra Nai. The mutual vow. Something Khun Phra Nai had been waiting for.

 

A tall shadow stood upon the second-floor balcony, watching the pair as they took their leave with a wistful glint in their eyes. Yet upon his lips lingered a quiet smile. He had not shown himself when Kaewta first opened his eyes and softly called his name, for had he done so, he feared he might not have found the strength to resist... to resist drawing near and lulling the boy once more into slumber, that he might dream a little longer and remember him all the more.

 

"Khun Yai." He did not turn toward his stalwart confidant; his thoughts were still preoccupied with the one who had just left.

 

"Khun Yai"

 

"What is-Saen! What has happened to your body?" The man lunged to steady him for the aide, who now had only one arm from the recent incident, while the other one grew barely visible from the fingertips to the wrist.

 

"It must have resulted from that shaman's cursed blade."

 

Petrified, Khun Yai lifted his own hands to scrutinise it with dread. His once-pale skin had grown even paler, nearly grey. He stood motionless, staring at it for a long moment.

 

"Khun Yai..."

"Let's go see Khun Luang."

 

"How much time do we have left, Master?"

"Are you scared, Saen?"

 

His gravelly voice came softly, but Saen could still hear the undertow of sorrow.

 

"No, master. As long as I go with you, I fear nothing."

 

"Thank you, Saen. For never leave my side." Khun Yai gave Saen's broad shoulder a heartfelt pat. And I thank you, Master... for the mercy of loving me as though I were your true brother." Saen's face lit up with a broad smile, reflecting the joy he felt.

 

"Come. Let's see Khun Luang... Before we vanish completely and can no longer be reborn."

 

The wind howled, and in the next instant, both figures disappeared, leaving the darkened White Manor behind. A hush of emptiness remained, sealing off the place so that not a single soul might enter.

 

...The White Manor still awaited its master to return.