Interminable

"If you're done helping me, wouldn't it be better to go back to sleep?" Chan Pen looked at her son's smooth face, which had gone so pale that she couldn't help but ask, concerned.

 

"I'm all right, Mom."

"But..."

 

"Nanny Yam needs to pick up flowers for scented water in a moment. I'll help her first and then return to rest," the son negotiated. He knew the flowers must be picked before sunrise for the scented water and powder, which required a substantial amount. Leaving Nanny to handle it alone didn't sit right with him.

 

"Then I'll prepare some medicine for you, and please be sure to eat before you leave."

 

"All right," the boy agreed, sitting down to accept the bowl of rice his mother handed him. After just a few bites, he felt full, so he hoisted the basket of sweets over his shoulder and delivered it to his mother at the market before heading back to the White Manor. There, he helped Nanny Yam gather flowers, with Saen as their crew.

 

"Here, Saen, this pile is for the garlands," Nanny Yam said as she placed a handful of pale roses into a woven basket.

 

"Do you make all the fresh garlands at the White Manor by yourself, Nanny?" asked Kaewta as he carefully plucked jasmine flowers, ensuring to leave their stems intact.

 

"Yes, but there was someone in the past who helped me string the flowers. Now, I must do it all by myself."

 

"In that case, should I help you string them?" the young man offered with a smile as he turned to pluck a Spanish cherry nearby. Nanny Yam exchanged a pleasing glance with Saen before they all returned to the house, having gathered the flowers they needed.

 

"Good. If you don't keep practising, you'll soon forget how to do it."

 

"Pardon?"

 

"Nothing. I just want to say that it's worth learning. Even men can do this. It's no disgrace." Kaewta nodded in agreement. 

 

He never held to the idea that certain tasks were solely for men or women. As long as he could manage it and it eased the burden of those around him, he was happy to lend a hand. And that was a trait Nanny Yam favoured deeply.

 

"Saen, grind this incense for me," The nanny said, passing it to Saen. Then she turned to Kaewta, beckoning him closer and asking him to hand her this and that. "Take a look closely so you know how to do it."

 

"Why do you make so much of this, Nanny?"

"Because you'll need it."

 

"Me?" The young man pointed to himself in wonder.

 

"Well, unless you'd rather spend money buying it. This is a finely ground powder, you see, so smooth and fragrant. Even the master of the house is fond of it. He says the scent of the powder lingering on the cheeks is such a pleasant smell."

 

"Both you and Saen are the master's aides' kin? The way you speak of him, you all seem quite close," Kaewta remarked as he took the incense bowl Saen had finished grinding. His words caused a secretive glance to pass between Nanny Yam and Saen. Receiving no answer, Kaewta raised an eyebrow in curiosity.

 

"Saen, take this earthen pedestal tray and burn it," she said, handing it to Saen and then turning back to Kaewta.

 

"Saen and I have both served in this household for years... Now, Saen, the tray is ready to use; place it over there, and Kaew, you take this mixture to pour it in, seal the lid, and leave it for a while." Nanny Yam recounted as she instructed.  An attentive listener like Kaewta followed the instructions precisely.

 

"Do I need to put all of this at once?" He turned around to ask.

 

"Bah! Haven't I taught you this plenty of times already? Add a little at a time, four to five rounds, until it's all used up. Then, take the fresh flower petals we've prepared and leave them overnight to infuse."

 

"Nanny, isn't this my first time making scented powder and fresh flower water with you?" the young man inquired, puzzled.

"Uh, I must have been mistaken. That's all for today. We'll pick up where we left off tomorrow." With that, she rose and left with Saen.

 

"All right," Kaewta answered as he set about organising the materials. 

 

Later in the morning, he went to fetch his mother from the market, taking a detour to gather additional supplies for desserts. His mother's mood was bright, her delight evident-her confections had sold so well that she was already pondering how to increase production for the following day.

 

The scent of Spanish cherry floated gently on the breeze. A slender figure ambled along, his thoughts wandering back to the night before; he had dreamed of someone unknown yet strangely familiar. Still, he couldn't recognise who that individual was. In the dream, he felt an overwhelming anger toward that person, which soon gave way to longing, and it felt as though he was being missed in return. That was one sweet dream suffused with a mellow kind of sweetness.

 

The strong breeze swayed the treetops, ruffling his hair and brushing against his face, prompting him to smooth it back. Before he realised it, Kaewta found himself at the front of the house, near the white trellis. Today, Nanny Yam placed fragrant pandanus flowers and Spanish cherry flowers on a small tray lined with white lace. Their gentle aroma hung in the air.

 

"Oh!"

 

The grip on Kaewta's shoulder startled him with such force that his heart nearly stopped. Whirling around, he shot a menacing glare at the owner of that patting of the hand. "Ruedee."

 

"Of course, it's me. Who else could it be? I've been calling for you forever. When you didn't come out, your mother told me you were in the backyard, so I walked all the way here and..." Her eyes swept around, sceptical. "...This place is eerie to me."

 

"Eerie?"

 

"Yes! The house is big, but only four people live here. Aren't you the slightest bit afraid? It feels so strangely spooky."

 

"A little...perhaps." How could he admit he was afraid? It's the only roof over his head now. If he were worried, where else would he hide?

 

"Let's sit over by the arbour out front. Phi Chai is here too," Ruedee suggested.

 

The pair strolled over to a white trellis, where an array of snacks prepared by his mother was.  They lay alongside a large pitcher of bael fruit tea. Chai rose to greet them with a smile, then began dividing the treats onto smaller plates, offering one to each of them.

 

"Aunt Pen's desserts are scrumptious."

 

"If you enjoy them, I'll ask my mother to prepare a small basket, along with a little extra for Uncle and Auntie, too."

 

"Thank you, Kaew. Maybe I'll have to visit more frequently to enjoy these snacks." 

 

Kaewta's smile strained at Chai's words. Ruedee's smile, on the other hand, grew even brighter. She gave a contented laugh and said she was ready to be his brother's companion any time he wished to come by.

 

"Did the pictures you took appeal to your customers?"

 

"Umm. I was just about to tell you that those pictures sold exceptionally well. It seems you'll need to paint more, Kaew. The customers said your work captures emotion so vividly they couldn't tear their eyes away."

 

"How wonderful, Kaew! Now you'll have more money to pay for Auntie Pen's medicine," Kaewta smiled in reply.

 

"There are a few more paintings left upstairs. Would you like to take them now, Phi Chai?"

 

"Sure." Kaewta rose to fetch the paintings for his friend's elder brother, but as he stepped out of the gazebo, his slender figure suddenly swayed and crumpled. Alarmed, Chai darted forward to catch him just in time. His strong arms encircled Kaewta's small shoulders, cradling him close as Kaewta's pale face rested weakly against his chest.

 

"Kaewta" Ruedee ran to check on her friend, her heart sinking at the sight of his ashen complexion.

 

"Kaew!" Chai placed a hand on Kaewta's clammy cheek. Thin eyelids fluttered, trying hard to keep them open. Suddenly, a fierce gust of wind surged through, scattering dry leaves and fresh blossoms. The wind was so strong that it forced everyone to close their eyes against the dust. Shielding his face with his arm, Chai looked down at the boy in his embrace with worry, only to feel an invisible, large hand shove him backwards.

 

“Hey!"

"Aah!" 

 

Both Ruedee and Chai fell to the ground just as the gale stopped as abruptly as it had come through. Chai gazed down at his empty arms in confusion before glancing to see the tiptoes of a towering figure standing above him.

 

"Saen?" The tall man stole Kaewta into his hold. His frosty gaze was full of disapproval.

 

"Khun Kaew isn't feeling well. I shall take him upstairs to rest. As for the drawing, please discuss it another day."

 

"Wait!" Chai rose to his feet, feeling worried about the boy in Saen's arms. "I want to see Kaew upstairs, too."

 

"No!" Saen barked sharply. Chai raised his eyebrows in dissatisfaction.

 

"Why not?"

 

"The White Manor does not permit strangers upstairs," Saen's reply was curt.

 

"But he isn't all right. I just want to make sure that resting is truly enough, or if he should be taken to the hospital," Chai said.

 

Every time he visited this house, Saen seemed to show his distaste at the sight of him. Moreover, the man's exaggerated protectiveness over Kaewta was so conspicuous that it stirred up Chai's long-buried frustrations every single time. Today was no different; Kaewta's sickness was plain to see, and Chai was distraught. Still, Saen behaved like this.

 

"Yes, we're truly worried about Kaew," Ruedee added.

 

"Nanny Yam and Aunt Pen will take care of him. I suggest the two of you depart for now." 

 

Without waiting for the two's responses, Saen took Kaewta and walked away. Finally, both Chai and Ruedee had no other choice but to leave. Ruedee kept glancing back while her brother sat quietly, turning the car key with a troubled mind.

 

"Saen acts like we're unwelcome at this house."

 

"I don't know. I've only met him a few times."

 

"Which side of Kaew's family is he from?" Chai asked his sister.

 

"As far as I know, Kaew and Auntie Pen have no other relatives. Kaew's father passed away when he was little, and it's always been just the two of them thereafter."

 

"And this house? How did they end up here?"

 

"Kaew said Saen brought the deed to them out of nowhere and claimed the house was theirs."

 

"And Kaew just simply believed him?"

 

"Well, at the time, the landlord evicted them from their rental, and Auntie Pen had to go to the hospital. They had no other choice but to accept. Why do you ask, though, Phi Chai?"

 

"I don't find that man named Saen trustworthy at all."

 

"But Kaew and Auntie Pen have lived here for a while now without any issue."

 

"A little while ago, when Kaew fainted earlier, there was a sudden, strong wind.."

 

"Right. How terrifying."

"I saw a man's face when I tried to peer through the squall of dust."

 

"You mean Saen?"

 

"No, not Saen. It was someone I saw for the first time when I came to this house. He was standing on Kaew's balcony."

 

"But Kaew insisted there was no one else except Saen and Nanny Yam." Ruedee clutched her chest, her delicate face now shadowed with growing anxiety at her brother's account.

 

"I was shocked because his face was so close that our foreheads nearly touched. His eyes... they were furious, filled with rage. I was so frightened I closed my eyes, and when I opened them, he was gone."

 

"Good heavens!"

 

"That's why I asked if anyone else is there. But I suspect..."

 

"Suspect what?"

"I suspect he wasn't... a human."

 

"What did you say?"

 

"I saw him. Don't you see him, too, Ruedee? I've seen him twice already, but every time, no one acknowledged that being."

 

"Are you saying that he is a gh..ghost?" The girl ran her hands over her arms; an eerie chill came without warning.

 

"That's what I believe."

"And Kaew? Auntie Pen...?"

 

"Perhaps he's a guardian spirit or the previous owner. Moreover, he wouldn't mean us harm, I suppose."

 

Chai spoke his mind to his sister. If that apparition was truly a ghost, it might be a soul tied to this place, unable to pass into the afterlife.

 

"How about we invite Kaew to make some merit? Or perhaps we could invite a monk to dedicate the merit to them," Chai raised the idea that Ruedee agreed to it.

 

Neither of them realised they had only understood half the truth. What Chai had seen was indeed the owner of the White Manor. However, he wasn't a household spirit. His only wish wasn't merit or offerings from anyone; it was the words of a promise made in the past between lovers that he had longed to hear. And now, he was just as troubled by Kaewta's condition.

 

"Why has it come to this?" a low voice asked, its soothing tone tinged with worry.

 

"Perhaps he hasn't been getting enough rest, sir. Lately, he's been assiduous in his drawings for that man to sell them."

 

"Fatigue to this degree?" He was distressed to see that the figure before him hadn't been adequately cared for. Saen lowered his head, wordless, as the nobleman glanced at him before turning back to Kaewta's pallid face. One hand lightly caressed his cheek while the other clasped the smaller hand securely. 

 

"Don't let this happen ever again. Go and summon Nanny Yam and Mother Pen to keep him a vigil and have them prepare fish congee for him, too." 

 

What Kaewta had loved or loathed, even as time wore on, not a single detail had ever slipped his memory. Chan Pen was alarmed when Saen came to tell her that her son was unwell. She prepared his favourite comfort dish of fish congee when he wasn't feeling well and brought it upstairs. Nanny Yam followed with a basin of warm water infused with fragrant jasmine blossoms to wipe him down. Kaewta woke just long enough to eat a few bites before drifting back to sleep.

 

In his dreams, he felt surrounded by an indescribable warmth, a sense of peace that made him wish he would never wake. There was the sound of faint, happy laughter he'd love to hear over and over. Though he couldn't see the face of the laughing source, Kaewta felt a contentment so profound that he wanted to laugh along, wishing that laughter would never fade.

 

Familiar surroundings, an embrace that felt like home, the fragments were blurred and scattered, yet Kaewta didn't rush himself to recall them, thinking it was fine... for the joy that hadn't left. Instead, it seemed to grow stronger with every passing moment. In his dream, he was overwhelmed by boundless love. Yet every time he woke, his pillow was soaked with tears from the longing for him, condensing into drops...

 

Was there anyone else who had ever been loved as deeply as he was?

════[changbins_delulu_wife]════

The tall, slender figure ascended the house steps sluggishly as though utterly drained of energy; even the young lad behind him was likewise.

 

"Saen!" A raspy, aged voice called, halting the young lad in his tracks. He turned to look. 

 

"What's the matter with you?" Nanny Yam couldn't resist her own compulsion to ask when she saw that Saen's lethargic manner mirrored that of the master. Her gaze flicked to the broad back of the master she had raised with her own hands. He had already walked past the top of the stairs.

 

"Nanny?"

 

"Yes, it's me. Who else would it be?" Nanny Yam rolled her eyes like a young maiden before pulling Saen aside. "What happened? Why is your master chin livid like that?" Saen raised his reddened eyes to the woman who was like a mother to him.

 

"Nanny, do you remember when I told you about the dancer, the one the master was so taken with?" Nanny Yam gave a slight nod, saying nothing, letting the man continue. 

 

"Earlier, when the master had gone quiet, it was because no matter how unyieldingly he pursued, he couldn't find her. But this morning, on the way to work, the master jumped out of the car to chase after someone. I didn't realise what was happening at the time until this evening, he asked me to go out with him. After we returned and he changed his clothes at the house..."

 

"And then?"

 

"The master took me to search for that Lady-I mean, that Chui Chai performer," Saen stumbled over the word 'Lady' so much that he could hardly utter it.

 

"Have you found her?" Nanny Yam asked in keen curiosity, though Saen's grimace hinted at tears.

 

"We have." Saen nodded with a face that was so contorted that Nanny Yam furrowed her brows.

 

"Eh? Isn't it good? Why do you make such a face?"

 

"Though we found that performer, and that very person just as stunning as when the Chui Chai dance was performed, absolutely breathtaking, the skin was alabaster white, the proportion petite, but..."

 

"But what?"

"SIGH..."

 

"Bah! Stop beating around the bush, Saen!" 

 

Nanny Yam, waiting in palpable anticipation, now visibly exasperated, raised her foot threateningly as Saen feigned a tantrum.

 

"That person, Lady Chui Chai, isn't a woman."

 

"Isn't a woman?"

"No. She's a man."

 

"What?! Oh, dear, my Good Lord!" Nanny Yam exclaimed, clutching her chest. Saen only offered a feeble smile, neither able to laugh nor cry, just a mere sympathy toward his young master.

 

"And why does Khun Yai have a bruise on his chin?" Nanny Yam pointed around her own chin while asking.

 

"Khun Yai would like to be sure, so he decided to test whether Lady Chui Chai was genuinely a woman."

 

"How exactly has the test ended up like this?"

"Khun Yai placed his hand on his breast to find out."

 

"Oh, Heaven helps me!" Nanny Yam cried out for the second time. Despite how she wished she could laugh at him for doing such a thing to a man, she couldn't just like Saen. Nanny couldn't help but imagine that if he had been a lady, their young lord would have undoubtedly sought her hand in marriage.

 

"No heaven, Nanny. Khun Yai's actions startled that youth so much that he threw his punch at the Master in the chin!" This time, Nanny Yam couldn't even exclaim but was dumbfounded in shock instead

 

In all her years of serving as Khun Phra Nai's chaperon, she had never seen him engage in a fight outside his duties. Although he had trained in boxing from a young age, taking a fist like this meant he must have been caught off guard, leaving himself open to such a blow. Both Nanny Yam and Saen glanced upward at their master's room and sighed harmoniously. Nanny Yam then instructed Saen to take a herbal compress upstairs to ease the bruise's pain.

 

"Khun Yai," Saen threw himself next to the chair beside the desk. Looking up at the bruised chin, he let out a sigh. Yet the nobleman remained still, completely unmoved, causing Saen's worry to heighten so much that he clasped his palms together in apology before stretching himself to place the herbal compress ball to soothe that hurting chin.

 

"There's no need, Saen."

 

"But Nanny Yam told me to, sir. It's already turned black today. By tomorrow, the hurt must have worsened."

 

"I shall care for myself." The large hand took the compress from Saen and held it against his own chin.

 

Saen shook his head, thinking of preparing Pennywort juice to reduce internal pain. He couldn't help but wonder what truly needed healing-the chin or the heart. A thin smile invaded his face. He was uncertain how else to handle his young lord's heartbreak, over and over again, at the hands of the same person. It seemed his master had no choice but to retreat this time, for the one who captured his heart wasn't a woman. Even if he were, success would still be a faint hope, and the chance to consort would be slim to none.

 

"Pennywort juice, Master," Nanny Yam forestalled Saen from bringing in a tall glass of bright green juice and served it to the young nobleman.

 

"Nanny..." The young man gazed at the glass, his voice low and weary as he raised his gaze to meet hers.

 

"It works like a spell for bruises, Master."

 

"Just a punch; I may not need that pennywort juice." The man replied.

 

"Is it just your jaw that's bruised? What of my master's heart? Isn't it bruised, too?" Nanny Yam's smile softened as she drew closer, her hand lifting to caress his cheek with motherly care to console him.

 

"My heart bruised badly, Nanny." The tall one enfolded the elderly woman's ample girth and lowered his head onto her warm chest, just as he had done in his younger days.

 

"Hmm? Are you hurting this much, master? From seeing her only a few times?"

 

"Oh, Nanny, she stole my heart the very first time our eyes met."

 

"But because he's no woman, that's what hurts you," the man sighed, withdrawing from that warm embrace and sitting still. 

 

"Your broken heart will mend before long. My little lord is always marvellous." After Nanny Yam's comforting, she dragged Saen to the outbuilding, where she prepared a bath for her master, hoping it would bring him some solace.

 

The waning moon cast but a faint glow, leaving the stars to compete in their brilliance. The young nobleman's sorrowful eyes remained fixed upon the darkness beyond. His heart was worse than shrivelling as the image of that furious face, the one who left its mark upon his chin, surfaced once more. The memory dragged his spirits even lower.

 

"I am not Lady Chui Chai!"

 

"Oh?" Saen's surprising voice rang out from behind him when the charming maiden snapped at the term of address. He frowned, baffled at why being called Lady had stirred up such anger.

 

"Call me whatever you want, but if you're going to call me Lady, you're courting a fistfight!" Lady Chui Chai stormed forward as if inviting trouble. With a tug at her sleeves, she bared her arms, ready for action. Yet, Saen pulled up his shoulder as if it were armour and continued shooting back.

 

"I am a man-how could I ever raise my hand against Lady Chui Chai?"

"Hal, I shall kick you first!"

 

"Wait, wait!" He mustered his courage to halt. It seemed her anger was genuine, but for what reason? "Why don't you let us call you Lady?" The question escaped his lips despite his nerves.

 

"Because I'm not a lady!"

"Then..." As though his saliva had suddenly thickened, his heart pounded wildly as his eyes trailed along that silhouette. The possibility behind her refusal to be addressed as a lady crept into his mind. Before he could realise it, his hand had moved faster than his thoughts.

 

Both eyes burst as widely as the owner of the breastless chest beneath his palm.. Caught off guard, the blow thundered him squarely on the chin, sending him toppling onto the ground. Even Saen was too slow to clutch him.

 

"Khun Phra Nai!" Saen darted to haul his elbow to stand upright. Still dazed, he stared at her adorable yet furious face as she glared daggers at him. Those small hands clutched the collar of his tunic tightly.

 

"Kaew!"

 

"Hold on! Hold on, please!" Saen quickly stepped between them, shielding him while raising his hands to prevent the dainty one from throwing another punch.

 

"Mark my word. Never call me Lady again, or shall make sure you'll be pummeled until you lie flat for good!"

 

That sweet voice bawled a reminder. Even when Saen dragged him away from the scene, the shocking truth still never left... from the discovery by his own doing.

 

Throughout the journey back to the manor, Saen remained silent, his words unspoken as he stole pitying glances at his master's pale face. The joy and wide smile he'd shown when finding the one he had pursued had been completely obliterated.

 

A muscular arm rested across his forehead while sharp eyes stayed open, unwilling to succumb to sleep as his heart churned with unease. His other hand brushed against his jaw, drawing a wince as the pain seemed to worsen.

 

With a weary sigh, he sat upright before rising to stand by the window. The moon had long disappeared beyond the horizon, yet the young man couldn't rein in the thoughts that kept circling back to the man behind that powerful punch.

 

"Kaewta..." That name should have been for a woman. A visage so delicate and sweet that it etched itself deep into his recollection. How could he possibly break free? The young noble's heart was so burdened that he, at times, forgot that he ought not to dwell on such matters. After all, that person was no lady but a man.

 

What hearts could rival one where love runs rife? What shards could crush like one with yearning strife? Thy face unseen, it writhes in my troubled mind, My soul runs wild when thy love is graven in disguise.

 

Several days slipped by before the young lord was able to compose himself and return to his routine. The sorrow lessened, and the pain in his chest partially eased, which had served him well during these times. But as if fate were cruel to the young nobleman, he was to face the heartache yet again. 

 

Upon stepping onto the royal palace grounds, he caught sight of the very person he wished to avoid more than anything under the sky, who was standing just behind the elder before him. Escaping was impossible, since the other person was a senior; failing to greet him would be nothing short of disgraceful.

 

"My greetings, Your Lordship," he said, raising his hands in a graceful wai as Luang Sanor Duriyang stepped closer.

 

"Bless you, young man. How are you doing? Are you well?" The commissioner greeted the young man half his age with a smile full of fondness. Like many senior officials who admired the one before him, not just for his commendable work but also for his impeccable character that matched his appearance, the one that everyone sought to win him over.

 

Luang Sanor was engrossed in conversation, so he failed to notice the youth standing behind him. Upon hearing the familiar voice, he, who was gazing downward, faced up to look. Those tapering eyes widened in shock upon seeing the tall, dignified figure dressed in royal-pattern attire and an olive-green silk loincloth, the same gown as the commissioner himself. His heart plummeted into his stomach.

 

"Blast it! Have I punched a patrician?" Kaewta mumbled to himself, ducking his head, desperately hoping he didn't catch the man's sight. Yet, those piercing, bewitching eyes bored into him, unblinking.

 

"What's wrong with you, Kaew?" Kaewta flinched as Khun Luang turned to question him, having heard the faint sound of his murmuring.

 

"No, nothing, sir," he stammered, bowing his head further. Luang Sanor shook his head at the boy's odd behaviour and returned his attention to the young nobleman.

 

"What of His Excellency? I haven't seen him for quite a while now."

 

"My father is doing well, sir. He has just returned from paying homage at the Northern temple two days ago," the young nobleman's gaze drew back before replying to the elder with courtesy.

 

"Is that so? And what about Chao Muen Sriorarak, your younger brother?" Luang Sanor shifted the conversation toward Phrom, the youngest son and legitimate heir of Chao Phraya Narubodin.

 

"Phrom is also doing well, sir. He's starting to grow accustomed to his duties."

 

"Hmm, I see. Well, I have something to discuss with you. Should we move somewhere more private? I've heard some troubling news about embezzlement of royal funds in the Grand Palace..." Luang Sanor whispered. 

 

The tall frame nodded in acknowledgement. Though his role did not have direct involvement, he was still in His Majesty's service, bound to ensure the security of royal affairs. Thus, he followed the old man out, though his gaze often steered toward the small figure lingering in the background.

 

Fully aware that the person was a man like himself, the strapping one nonetheless couldn't look away from that dulcet face. Those deep-colored lips pressed tightly together, and the wide, startled eyes, upon realising who he was, how utterly endearing they were. His heart thudded just as it had on the very first day their gazes met. His hands felt clumsy, fumbling for a purpose. Though he spoke with Luang Sanor, his thoughts persistently strayed to that other person. And with this, how could his heart recover from such wounds?

 

The more their paths entwined, the more nearness between them, the less earnest he was to forsake these feelings. The more they crossed paths and the more they stayed within such proximity, his will to let loose of these feelings was thoroughly washed away. Though he well knew such sentiments were neither proper nor orthodox, all reason seemed to abandon him entirely.

 

"Kaew, you can return to the pavilion and practice your dance before me. I have matters to discuss with Khun Phra Nai."

 

"And whom should I practice with, Uncle? The only one capable of singing the Chui Chai song at the moment, apart from His Highness, is no one else but you." 

 

That chiselled face pouted in protest. The man, looking at the scene, beamed widely. Luang Sanor must have been very fond of the youth to allow such familiarity and even indulge him in playful arguments.

 

"If that is the case, I shall call upon you tomorrow at your residence, where we can speak in private." The young nobleman concluded, not wishing to upset the smaller man before him and surprised by his own unexpected leniency toward this strong-punching youth.

 

"Oh, you're suggesting so? Khun Phra Nai."

 

"Yes, sir." He gave an approving nod with a tender smile. Luang Sanor sighed before taking his leave. The moment Kaewta saw that tall figure's smiling face, an unreasonable irritation flared up within him. 

 

He lifted his chin in defiance. Yet the man kept on smiling all the same. So Kaewta shot him a glare and rushed after Luang Sanor. But even then, he could still hear that low laugh trailing after him, slipping into his ears and sending a flush of heat surging up his cheeks until they turned red.

 

He was so furious, he almost turned back just to land another punch on that perfectly shaped chin. Even as the young gentleman returned to his workroom, the smile persisted on his lips. Saen, waiting outside, observed him curiously.

 

"Has something gladdened your day, Master? Your smile has not faded since." The young servant's question made the man touch his lips and stop smiling, upon realising the impropriety of having such a feeling toward the same gender.

 

"Nothing." Yet it was no easy matter to conceal, for in truth, his heart was far from what he had spoken.

 

Throughout the day, Khun Phra Nai performed his duties with a quiet contentment nestled within his chest, all the while keenly conscious of the cause that had kindled such joy. The more he sought to bring his thoughts to order, the more clearly that countenance rose in his memory.

 

At Chao Phraya Narubodin's grand estate, the young man sat in composed silence before his father. The old man regarded his son's immaculate features with pride, yet a shadow of unease lay underneath.

 

"Do not reveal this matter just yet. Without proof, they might move against you before you even have a chance to act."

 

"Yes, Father." The young aristocrat inclined his head in deference.

 

"And where are you off to now? Why don't you take Sophee to the market or the temple sometime? I saw her hurt by how the work consumes you to the point that you are barely found."

 

"Hasn't Sophee just accompanied you to the temple? I shall have an appointment with Luang Sanor regarding this matter. I'm afraid I can't take her with me." The father nodded in understanding before granting his son leave to go about his affairs.

 

Descending the steps, the tall man felt the weight of his burdens from both his duties and personal matters, especially the latter; despite all his efforts, there seemed to be no exit. Suddenly, he froze midstride when a tall, Slim man emerged upstairs.

 

"Come to see Father?" The younger brother asked, his voice devoid of feeling. His gaze remained calm and expressionless, with no trace of emotion in his eyes, just as it had been long ago when he first learned that the man before him was not his real brother.

 

"Phrom... Yes."

 

"So what's the matter this time?" Phrom stopped for a conversation right at that stairhead.

 

"Nothing of great concern. Well, where have you just been?" Though the question was just out of familial courtesy, the response he received struck him square in the chest.

 

"And where I was and where I was not, why should it concern you? Khun Phra Nai."

 

After returning to his stupor, the man gave a slight nod. He walked down the stairs with a heart that ached even more than before. In their childhood, they were siblings who played together and shared meals without a rift. But once the truth came to light, it shattered everything. In his brother's and sister's eyes, he was no longer their family.

 

"Master, are you visiting Luang Sanor's residence today?" Saen inquired while arranging a basket of sweets freshly prepared by Nanny Yam.

 

"Yes. Has Nanny Yam prepared everything?" The young lord asked about the confections in the young man's hands. Upon receiving a nod, he took up his hat and made his way outside. Luang Sanor Duriyang's residence was vast, encompassing the dancers' rehearsal quarters.

 

The soft sound of instruments chimed from afar. Some of the dancers poked out their heads to see the unfamiliar car that had come to a stop before the pavilion. As soon as they recognised the visitor, they could barely hide their frantic coyness before darting back to the rehearsing pavilion. 

 

They chatter loudly enough to draw curious gazes from those within to peek out the sculpted face of the royal court in hopes that he might lay his eyes on any of them somehow. The boy, fastening his topknot, winced after noticing a sister next to him was adorning a dreamy expression just like other girls.

 

"Kaew! Look! Isn't Khun Phra Nai breathtaking?" A tug on his arm forced him to rise onto his feet. He followed her gaze, then sighed.

 

"And so, Phi Bua? I'm a man. Why should I appreciate Khun Phra Nai's beauty?"

 

"Oh, you're right." She muttered before letting go of his arm.

 

Kaewta shook his head in exasperation and turned back to the mirror. After tucking stray strands of hair and adjusting his wrap to ensure it was secure, he strode toward those men who were readying their instruments.

 

"Aren't you going to wait for Uncle?" One of the older brothers asked.

 

"If I wait any longer, I won't be able to practice at all, Sister. Besides, my mother hasn't fully recovered yet, so I shall probably have to dance in her place for quite a few more performances."The pale arms were poised, and the limbs were moving. But no sooner had he begun than a person from the manor rushed toward the boy.

 

"Kaew, His Lordship wants to see you."

"Why does he want to see me, Sister?" Those slim brows frowned

 

"Urgh, just come along. I shall explain on the way," said the girl before grabbing his arm and hauling him along. 

 

Kaewta turned to his male fellows, who could only shake their heads at him, while the female in the group seemed envious at his summons to the main house. 

 

"His Lordship wants you to wait on him outside the workroom."

 

"Huh? What about those in charge?"

 

"Oi, them? Right when they caught sight of Khun Phra Nai, their hands started trembling. They either huddled together to sneak glances or craned their necks so much that His Lordship couldn't even hold a proper conversation. So, he sent them all away."

 

"And what would I possibly help with it?" The youth's wonder persisted. "You yourself also can do that, can't you?"

 

"Do you really think those girls are scared of me? But if it's you, just one single shout, and they won't dare to make a fuss."

 

Kaewta well grasped that reason. Everyone in the pavilion resembled family, with him as their youngest, who was doted on the most. Plus, the fact that His Lordship sheerly adored him; whenever anyone was in trouble, or there was any chaos in the practice pavilion, it was always he who had to step in and restore order. Thanks to that innocent charm, paired with a deafening shout that could carry through walls, it was enough to keep their hands away from him.

 

"My apologies for the commotion caused by these young ladies, Khun Phra Nai. They didn't get to see a fanciable young man like you every day."

 

"Not at all, sir."

 

Luang Sanor glanced at the boy who had crawled inside, still in his practice attire, a crisp white shirt and bright red loincloth, before smiling fondly. All the female servants had been so distracted by the strikingly handsome aristocrat that they had all but abandoned their duties and so frustratingly kept stealing glances, forcing him to summon the boy to take the responsibility that wasn't his.

 

"You can spare a moment from practice, can't you, Kaew?" His Lordship asked as he leaned down.

 

"But if I keep stopping, I shall never master the dance properly and shame you in front of the courtiers, Uncle." What a quick-witted and sharp-tongued youth, the visitor thought.

 

"Bah! You little rascal!" His Lordship flippantly reprimanded across his face as the boy grovellingly beamed back.

 

 "Go set these sweets in a tray now." The Lord said as he handed over the snack that the young nobleman had sent as a souvenir.

 

The tapering eyes cast a glance at the man seated across from the lordship before shifting into a disapproving glare at the peeping man, whose face turned abashed as he lowered his gaze to hide his own eyes.

 

"This kid has quite the mouth on him. Please do not take offence, Khun Phra Nai."

 

"Not at all, sir." Once the youth turned away, the young nobleman lifted his head again. His face was tense when he brought up the matter he had come for.  But he soon found his gaze was settling on those delicate hands arranging the sweets, traversing down to slender arms, slim and upright shoulders, the elegant curve of a neck, the dark hair was neatly tied back, only a few strands that pleasantly framing his smooth cheeks, full lips, pointing round nose ...And it was the same pair of enchanting eyes that caused him to jolt.

 

"Kaew! Why are you gawking at Khun Phra Nai like that?!" Luang Sanor bellowed. The boy jumped, realising he had been too obvious.

 

"I loathe it."

"Loathe what?"

"Loathe. I loathe Khun Phra Nai's face, sir!"

 

"You little brat, Kaew!" His Lordship exclaimed in disbelief that the boy would spill those words. Turning back, he found the pale face of another person of his son's age, making him nearly want to kick the brat in his care right off the veranda.

 

"Khun Phra Nai?" The Lordship's voice rang out, addressing the young one who was already stunned, his eyes still locked upon Kaewta.

 

"...I th...think I must take my leave for today," His deep voice wavered, just like his breath. A heavy grip clenched around the heart under the left chest, so agonising as if to draw blood. Yet, that impeccable visage still lifted, boring the piercing gaze right through him that had to be the one to avert those eyes.

 

"Hold on, Khun Phra Nai. Kaew, if you have dance practice, then be off with you. Luang Sanor dismissed, sensing that if this wayward kid were still here, their business discussion would never come to pass.

 

The young gentleman rose to his feet, but the diminutive figure had already turned to leave. At that very moment, the young man's shoulder struck against a porcelain cabinet, causing him to stagger back. The quake knocked a shallow vase perched atop it, wobbling precariously before tipping over.

 

"Watch out!" Concern burst forth despite himself, banishing the fact of how deeply the other detested him.

 

The aristocrat's tall figure lunged forward, seizing the smaller man's arm and pulling him close just as the vase narrowly missed striking that well-shaped head. Even so, the commotion of the two tumbling down was no less thunderous than the sound of the vase shattering on the floor. But if falling headfirst had left him deranged, then let him remain in this derangement forever for that faint fragrance to stay long beside him, for his arms to have that soft body in his hold, and for him to breathe in the scent of those smooth cheeks for all eternity.

 

The tip of his prominent nose brushed the white cheek, their lips barely a breath apart. Twin gazes locked as if the world had stopped spinning. As the realisation came back to their senses, the smaller man wrenched himself free and rose in an instant. A flush arrogated his cheeks, leaving the heart of a person whose soul had left the body from those harsh words earlier, to tremble anew.

 

...Throughout the carriage ride to Luang Sanor's residence, he had to rein in his own heart. Yet, with every passing minute, his pulse quickened at the mere thought of seeing that person, of exchanging words with those crimson lips, of facing another cold and disapproving glance. But no matter what awaited him, no matter how much displeasure he would be met with, he still longed to see that face, to behold those luminous eyes, to watch those graceful arms in a dancing motion, to see him...

 

The tall figure rose to his feet, his gaze fixated upon that adorable face. The lingering fragrance still clung to his senses, and the warmth from the fleeting embrace sent a tremor through his heart. Before he could fully grasp the moment, a small fist flew toward him.

"Kaew!"

 

"Khun Phra Nai!" Saen came rushing in, startled by the ruckus. The scene before him was all too familiar, mirroring an earlier incident. Lady Chui Chai turned sharply in his direction before crashing into his shoulder and leaving the place furiously. Saen hurried to his master's side, carefully helping him up onto a chair.

 

"Does it hurt, Master? The old bruise had only just begun to fade..." Saen murmured with concern.

 

Luang Sanor scarcely skulked out of shame at the actions of the young one under his charge. He turned toward the gentleman and offered hurried apologies. Looks like someone's getting caned this evening. However, the sight in Khun Phra Nai's eyes as he clutched his aching jaw, which followed the one darting away, piqued the elder's curiosity.

 

If the young nobleman had truly been enraged from being punched, he would not have worn such a wistful expression. If he had held resentment for the person inflicted upon him, his gaze would not have carried such sorrow. Within those fine eyes, there was also a trace of confusion.

 

"Saen, take Khun Phra Nai to the waiting room. I shall have Imm bring a warm compress ball," Saen nodded and carefully assisted his master with concern. Lady Chui Chai punched his master once again…

 

The owner of the deep-shaded cheeks scowled, cupping his face as he made his way back to the dance hall. All the sisters came rushing toward him, circling to riddle him with questions about the young aristocrat.

 

"How was he, Kaew? Is Khun Phra Nai as beautiful as they say?"

 

"I saw him from a distance when he walked upstairs-his skin is even glower than mine"

 

"His stature is remarkably tall."

 

"And that nose, so finely shaped."

"Not to mention those eyes.."

 

"Is he as ravishing as they claim?" The hubbub over one another was too jumbled to comprehend. And not just the deluge of questions; they joggled him so vigorously that his head bobbed along.

 

"Yes! He's ravishing and so ravishing! More ravishing than you women! His skin is fairer than yours, whose is as dark as an abandoned fire log! And he's even taller than some of you, too!" With that, he lifted a slim finger and pointed at his elder brothers, who had been listening in from the sidelines, sending them jolting in unison. 

 

"Are you at your content now?" The seething one yelled so loud that the curious throng scattered in all directions.

 

Kaewta stomped off to wash off his face. His white hand rubbed against one cheek so hard that it burned red. However, the more he scrubbed, the warmth of the other's breath he could feel. Those sad eyes reflected right at him, sending a tremor to his heart, not to mention the solid arms, coveted by all the maidens in the city, wrapping around his waist. Then, his other cheek bloomed scarlet to match the other side.

 

His heart throbbed against his ribs. Its erratic, relentless beat was louder than Phi Chom's drum of the ensemble band; he did not understand why...Kaewta told himself it was anger...at the owner of a refined, high-bridged nose.

 

At the way that the other person had come so near.

At those strong arms that had protected him.

At the way that his cheek had been caressed.

But most of all... at the way that his heart had never raced this way before.

 

Meanwhile, the other man's heart swelled with joy. A firm hand pressed lightly against his chest, where his heart thundered louder than the piphat ensemble's festival drums. His luminous eyes quivered...

 

Knowing that within the petite frame before him, beneath that left chest, another heart was pounding just as wildly as his own.

 

The young gentleman arrived home with a grin stretching across his handsome face, in contrast to the fresh bruise on his chin. Saen, trailing behind, discreetly shook his head. He knew all too well that his master was floating on the high of happiness. Why should he bring him down with his sentence?

 

Yet that radiant smile was completely wiped off his face once he stepped past the threshold. He turned to Saen, who quickly avoided his gaze, before shifting his attention to the person sitting in front of him and offering him a sweet smile.

 

"Sophee..."

 

His baritone voice murmured her name under his breath. However, the only image in his mind was the one with smooth cheeks, utterly at odds with the sight before him. The contrast with reality sent a sharp ache through his heart.

 

O wind... you came and then flew by,

My heart went awry, and then you just blew away,

When I wake up, my heart is no longer there,

With a lone and saddened flare, I stifled them within me.