I Feel You Linger In The Air

Chapter 6 - Happy Shitamas

Astonished, I lunge out of the caladiums. Ohm and Fongkaew flick their heads towards me, but then their attention is drawn by a sudden shriek.

"E-Fongkaew, what are you doing?!"

I turn to the source of the voice and see that it is a female servant from the row house!

"Help! E-Fongkaew is running away with a man. Help!" she yells.

"Fongkaew, get in." Ohm seizes her arm and pulls her down from the dock. But Fongkaew shakes his hand off harshly, shocking Ohm. She steps back and shakes her head. "I can't go."

"Fongkaew, come with me right now." Ohm won't give up. He tries to grab her, but she recoils and returns to the dock.

"I'm not going. Ai-Kumsan, leave before someone spots you," she sputters, eyeing me. "It will be a big problem."

A clamour sounds in the distance, indicating people are coming this way. The female servant keeps shouting for help. Ohm turns his head reluctantly before deciding to back away. He looks at me, and we make brief eye contact.

My heart leaps, though Ohm just frowns. His eyes show no sign of anything besides irritation and worry, not a single hint of remembrance of our past deep relationship. He snuffs the lantern, veers the boat away from the dock, and paddles away in a hurry. A few seconds later, his figure is swallowed by the darkness.

Soon, the dock is filled with chatters. Male and female servants come out of their houses to observe the situation in curiosity. Kumtib, considered a senior servant in charge of maintaining the great house and caring for the female servants, trembles and slaps her chest as if she is having a heart attack. She clasps Fongkaew's arm.

"E-Fongkaew, you've caused us trouble. Go to the great house. The foreign boss is waiting for you." She turns to the female servant who witnessed the incident. "E-Pad, Ai-Jom, go with her."

I set out as told, still soaked and shivering, but I can't sneak off. Ming runs after me in a second and hands me a blanket to cover myself. I thank him with utmost gratitude. 

The great house is illuminated by the lights. Mr Robert is already waiting with a glower. The wooden bench next to him is occupied by the lady boss Ueang Phueng, who fidgets in worry rather than seethes with rage like Mr Robert.

I sit on the plank floor outside the terrace, my teeth clattering from the cold. Good thing I have a blanket over me, or Iwill catch a fever sooner or later.

Pad, the female servant, tells the boss everything she saw. She starts from Fongkaew, leaving her mattress, which means she has been assigned to keep an eye on Fongkaew to prevent history from repeating itself. Like in my case.

Fongkaew goes paler...and paler in every minute into Pad's narration. She looks drained when Pad reports to the foreign boss that she saw with her own eyes that the person meeting up with Fongkaew was a mighty young man.

"Are you sure he was a man, E-Pad?" he asks sternly, his eyes cold. He's not fuming, which only increases the tension. Even though Mr Robert is strict and feels superior to these locals, this is the first time I have heard him address his servant as 'E'.

"I am sure, sir. My eyes wouldn't trick me. Ai-Jom was also there. He must have seen the same thing."

All eyes are locked on me. I glance at Fongkaew. She is pale like an ill person and throws pleading eyes at me. I press my lips together and drop my gaze, conflicted. What is she pleading with me for...? Is she begging me to help her?

The scenes of those two throwing themselves into each other and Ohm breaking up with me at the hotel pop up in my head. My fists are clenched by my sides. Why should I lie for her when she was the one taking away my lover? Even if it happened in a different lifetime, she is the thorn in my heart that hurts whenever I see her. And even if we have nothing to do with each other in this lifetime, and she is not my enemy, she is not someone I would go as far as to lie to Mr Robert for. She must take responsibility for the consequences of her own actions.

"What I saw was a man," I answered firmly with the truth. No more excuses. Fongkaew drops to the floor and wails. I am allowed to return to my quarter right away, without being questioned why I was there in the first place. It is all thanks to the nickname, 'The loony Ai-Jom,' that has become my protection. Many male servants have confirmed that I snuck out at night to play in the water countless times

As I walk back towards the stairs to leave, I eye the lady boss, Uang Phueng. She watches Fongkaew, face-down on the floor and quivering, with a look of reproach, and shakes her head lightly, though surprisingly a hint of sympathy flickers in her eyes.

I return to my room in a sour mood. It was undoubtedly Ohm at the dock. Who is he in this lifetime? Where does he live? Why did he show his face and cause me grief again? For a second, I wonder whether what I did was right or wrong, telling the truth without caring how it would affect Fongkaew. I wanted to be a good person, but when I thought of what those two have done to me in another lifetime, and Ohm's eyes that were void of any affection towards me at the dock, I felt too hurt to try to be a good person.

He doesn't love me. He doesn't even know me in this life, yet it tortures me more than when he broke up with me because at least we had our story back then. There is nothing here, empty, as if I don't exist and am worthless to this world. I force myself to sleep and tell myself I did no one wrong.

Two days later, I discovered the reason behind the lady boss Ueang Phueng's sympathy.

"Did you know that Fongkaew was called yesterday to serve the foreign boss at the guesthouse?" One of the male servants dashes into the lunch circle on the lawn in the shade beside the kitchen, where other servants and I are having our meals.

"For real?" another servant asks amid the others' blatant interest.

"How can it not be for real? She didn't sleep at the servants' house. She was with the foreign boss all night and left late in the morning."

"The boss might have only made her massage him."

"I don't know what kind of massage happened," the same servant says, wiggling his eyebrows, putting on a pervy grin. "But E-Pun told me E-Fongkaew was washing her bloody sarong at the dock."

My hand holding the soup spoon suddenly weakens. My stomach feels full even though I only had a few bites. Finally, I can't force myself to eat anymore. I give up as the servants mindlessly spew out their opinions over the news.

By dusk, all servants have spread the word that Fongkaew has lost her virginity to the foreign boss, a day after she got caught rendezvousing with a man. I listen to the story in distress. He quit waiting until she was ready. Since he wanted her at that second, she had to satisfy his demand despite herself. How was it different from rape?

I somehow felt awful. I despise the sight of Fongkaew, that's true, but it doesn't mean I want her to undergo that kind of thing. No one in the world deserves such maltreatment. Later on, my uneasiness towards the spreading story develops into disturbing guilt. That night, if I had risked lying that it was hard to see and said the person meeting up with Fongkaew could have been a woman, she would have had a chance to say it was her mother or a relative. FongKaew would have gotten away for the time being, not being punished by heartless physical and emotional abuse.

Is this why...? Is this the reason? I played a part in pushing her off the cliff. I have sinned against her, so it is her turn in the next life to hurt me. One day, I found my chance. When Fongkaew leaves her house and heads to the kitchen, I drop my task and jog after her.

"Fongkaew," I call. Fongkaew halts and turns around. When she sees me, her face goes distant. I take a step closer. I know she doesn't want to see my face, but I have to resolve this. I gulp and start.

“Fongkaew, I'm sorry for telling the boss what I saw that night. My voice trails off. I didn't think it would turn out like this."

Fongkaew casts her gaze at me, clear drops of tears brimming in her eyes. Fongkaew suppresses them from falling, then shakes her head and looks away.

"I don't blame anyone. It is just my misfortune."

Her words only make me feel worse. There is no sarcasm or grudges in her tone of voice. I have never felt this horrible in my whole life. I stare at her, wishing she would curse at me. That would be better than what she is doing right now.

"Why didn't you run away with... your lover that night?"

"How could I?" She spins her head back to face me, her big, round eyes full of anguish. 

"If I ran away, my parents would be forced to send my sister here instead to be one of his concubines. My sister is eleven this year. How could I be so cruel as to let my sister be responsible for my actions?"

I go stiff, speechless. Fongkaew drops her eyes to her clasped hands. "I have said it is my misfortune. I blame no one."

I look at her with both eyes. Fongkaew in the future might have stolen Ohm's heart from me, but Fongkaew before me is no devil. She's just a woman with limited life choices in this era. And so, I say what I never thought I would say to the person once called my love rival, "Fongkaew, blame me or not, if I can ever be of help to you someday, just say it. I will help you."

Fongkaew gives no answer. She sighs and takes off quietly, leaving me here with this unshakeable guilt.

Time passes by. The gossip about Fongkaew has died down as everyone's interest wanes, replaced by something more colourful, merrier, and livelier. It is Christmas, or Shitamas, as Oui-Suya and some servants call it.

The vibe is vibrant before daybreak. Everyone wakes up and diligently carries out their tasks. Oui-Suya, I feed the piglets and bathe Hope clean, ready to be shown off at the foreign club today as the racing piglet from Mr Robert's forestry company.

The smell of pastries fills the great house, aromatic as it should be on Christmas. Not only is the foreign kitchen active, but the Thai kitchen is as well. Today, the foreign boss will be participating in two competitions, polo and trapshooting. If he wins, we will definitely receive the merit-based result. We will feast for days until we are full.

Hope is in high spirits. It walks around and energetically nuzzles everything. Oui-Suya and I are as excited.  We practice, check the stall, and don't forget to bring some cultivated and Cavendish bananas. A lot of servants stop by to wish Hope luck in the race.

Late in the afternoon, Oui-Suya and I go to the sports club with Hope, our fast piglet, because the piglet race is the last event before the party in the evening. I am really excited because I get to sit on a cart pulled by two huge cows, specifically trained to pull carts. They drag our cart across the dirt ground, full of long wheel tracks, not a display in some tourist attraction I once saw.

Along the way, I spot carriages and buffalo carts, but not many cars. Houses line both sides of the road at intervals. Most are ancient wooden houses inhabited by the villagers, surrounded by fruit gardens. Some places, influenced by Western architecture, are grand and fancy. I enjoy the view. This is the path I have never set foot in, yet it is oddly familiar.

Soon, I know it's not all in my head. I catch the towering rubber trees edging the path beyond. This is the Rubber Tree Road, the old Chiang Mai-Lamphun route that stands long into my era. Thrilled, I cry out, "Oui-Suya, look. Rubber trees!"

Oui-Suya smiles, amused. "Have you not seen them? They've always been here."

"I have, but not like this. I've seen them differently."

Oui-Suya seems puzzled by my answer, but I won't explain anything more. The sight before me shows rows of tall rubber trees, thicker than in my era. The shades of their large trunks cast down, painting the road with impressive light and shadow. It is the road printed on promotional postcards and appearing in photos of tourists in Chiang Mai. I drove on this road hundreds of times when I was an architect renovating the old great house by the Ping River before getting sucked into this era.

I gasp and turn around to the path behind us, my heart beating fast as I calculate the distance and possibility. I never thought about this seriously before because the markedly dissimilar environments of the two eras and the unfamiliar water transport made it difficult to estimate the distance. But now, on the same road I used almost every day for months of work in Chiang Mai, I know Mr Robert's place is not that far from the ancient great house I was assigned to renovate.

I don't know which one I should be more excited about. The fact that I never drove past Mr Robert's place, which means it no longer existed in my era, or the fact that the ancient great house and little house by the river with groves of Lantom trees in the backyard could have been built in this era, where I currently am?

My train of thought gets interrupted when we arrive at our destination, the Chiang Mai Gymkhana Club. The Chiang Mai Gymkhana Club was established by the European expatriates in Thailand and the officials from the British Embassy. It is a two-story building located on a vast property. And, of course, the members must be their fellow Europeans. Only the nobles from Siam and northern rulers are invited as honoured guests. The commoners can only dream.

My cart turns in the opposite direction, going farther down one side of the parking area, where cars and fancy carriages are parked. I actually visited the club in my era. It is a golf club with a restaurant where the general public can drop by for lunch. It is different from now, where I am granted access as Mr Robert's servant and must stay in the equipment area. It serves as the waiting room for the animals racing in each program.

Oui-Suya and I sit on the floor with Hope staring at us in the wooden stall. Today, it looks cute in a green-blue bow tied around its neck, a mark indicating it will race in the name of Mr Robert's company. A stable is settled nearby, with several handsome horses inside. They are probably prepared for the horse race and polo.

I stick my head to peek at the club building, bustling with claps and laughs as the pony race is taking place in the field. The sight of giant foreigners trying to ride little ponies is simultaneously hilarious and pitiful. If I had my phone with me, I would call World Animal Protection. If it has been established, I mean. Oh... I forgot I can't make a call anyway since telephone exchanges haven't been expanded to Chiang Mai in B.E. 2470.

I enjoy watching the event since the ambience is incredibly festive. The women are in their fine dresses and wide-brimmed hats. Some men are still in cricket whites and horse-racing uniforms, while others wear suits for the evening party. The place is packed with people celebrating and chatting in foreign languages, a peculiar sight that makes it feel like this is not Thailand. 

Nonetheless, there is something dismal behind the joyous atmosphere. Every single person I am watching is someone from the past, someone who exists in history. They are playing their parts in advancing Lanna history over a certain period. Next to the green field in front of me, farther down one side, is the quiet, shady foreign graveyard. Whenever I drove past it, I always got chills. Some of the people before me might not have a chance to return to their homelands and end up in the ground of this country.

I let my thoughts wander, not noticing someone approaching until he speaks. "Jom, where has your mind wandered off to?" I spin and see a tall European man with blue eyes smiling at me. It is Mr James, the forestry assistant manager, whom I met at Mr Robert's great house. Today, he wears a horse-racing uniform, gloves, and long boots, looking super cool. I fold my hands in greeting. "Have you stood here long? I'm sorry I didn't notice."

"You couldn't take your eyes off that carriage. Wanna ride on it?" I turn my head. It is a shiny black-roofed carriage. The square roof is exquisite and classic, but I didn't like it. I was lost in thought. "I don't want to ride on it. I was just looking."

"What a shame. I was thinking of inviting you to my carriage. It's not as luxurious as this one but pretty striking."

"Are you also attending the event? I thought you were stationed in Lampang," I talk to him casually, not nervous or anything. Mr James seems friendly and doesn't look down on the locals or act superior like many foreigners here. Besides, I am unlike the people in this era who might feel intimidated by foreigners.

"I actually should be there, as you pointed out, since Lampang also has a clubhouse called Lakhon Sports Club. They're also holding a party, but I decided to come here probably because." He grins before continuing, "I am into something here."

I respond with a smile, not daring to be rude by asking what he is into, and change the subject. "What program are you participating in?"

"Horse racing. Will you cheer for me?"

"Sure."

"I will cheer for you as well."

A moment later, his European friend takes him away. They go to the stable and talk, gesturing as they do so. It sounds like they are arguing about whose horse looks better. I turn my head back and stroke Hope's body. It sniffs my hand because of the smell of the Cavendish banana cake.

"You will get to eat it. Don't worry. Just run fast," I tell it.

I divert my eyes to the parking area. A black car has recently entered. When it stops, someone steps out of it. He is a truly dignified man. I look at his long legs and broad, straight shoulders as he strolls along the footpath.

Khun-Yai. He looks different today in a crisp black universal suit with a bow tie, the attire for the evening party. It is like he jumps out of a romance novel. You, appealing young man. You blessed fine lad. How can you be so attractive?

Oui-Suya follows my eyes and asks, "Who's that? You know him?"

"Luang Thep Nititham's son, our neighbour. I talked to him once."

Oui-suya mumbles a response in acknowledgement. I see Khun-Yai stop and greet two foreigners. He is confident yet polite and graceful. What a pleasant combination. And then Khun-Yai turns my way. He pauses before resuming his conversation with those two foreigners moment later, Khun-Yai walks towards the stable, not the spectator area. He unhurriedly saunters, as if taking a leisurely walk. I sneak a smile, knowing he is coming this way on purpose. Ancient people sure are subtle, huh? He wouldn't just march here to maintain his reserved manner.

Once he reaches where Oui-Suya and I are sitting, I fold my hands in greeting and brazenly flash a smile. I am not from a noble family, so I don't need to be unnecessarily careful. Since I took a liking to him and clicked with him, I can openly smile without feeling worried that I might show my teeth too much.

"Is this the piglet Ming said you were taking care of?" Khun-Yai's voice is pleasantly sonorous.

"Yes," I answer proudly. "Its name is Hope." Khun-Yai gives a slight nod. "How adorably chubby."

"It's not just adorable, Khun-Yai. It's fast," I brag, knowing he doesn't mind. He's younger than me. Despite the burly body of a grown man, I know he has the mind of a young man behind the courteous manner.

Khun-Yai smiles with his eyes. "I am looking forward to finding out if it is as fast as you have boasted."

"Are you participating in any program today?"

"No. I am here as a guest on behalf of my father. I came early to watch the races."

I don't feel surprised. He is the son of Luang Thep Nititham, a civil servant from Siam, so he is welcomed and respected by the Europeans, who still have to rely on and build good relationships with his family for business benefits.

"That's good to hear. The piglet is the last program. You will get to see Hope racing. Two programs left."

Khun-Yai nods. "How is your paddling practice? Have you gotten good at it?" I paste on a sheepish smile. "I've gotten better. Are you asking because you're worried about the poles of the waterfront pavilion?"

He chuckles. "I am asking out of worry for you. I am afraid you will crash into someone else's pavilions. If they take action, you have a low chance to slip away."

"It won't happen. I paddle only in the neighbourhood, not going far."

"You can paddle by my place to collect the Lantoms. I don't mind."

I look, he knows I  like Lantoms. He probably saw me pick them up in the river.

"Okay," I reply. "I will go and collect the fallen ones on the bank. It smells refreshing. It helps me sleep when I put it beside my pillow."

I hear hearty laughter from the stable. Mr James and his friend are chortling as they lead their horses out race. He turns our way and bows to Khun-Yai, then shoots me a smile to remind me to cheer for him. I return his smile as a response. When I turn my head back to talk to Khun-Yai, I am a bit surprised to see his expression clouded. He no longer smiles as much as he did earlier.

Khun-Yai speaks levelly, "If I am in the pavilion, you can pick up the Lantoms from the trees." Khun-Yai takes his watch out of his shirt pocket. It is a vintage pocket watch with a chain attached. He looks at the dial and speaks in an even voice.

"It is almost time. I need to be present in the guest area. I wish you triumph in the race today."

"Thank you, Khun-Yai."

When Khun-Yai is out of sight, Oui-Suya begins commenting.

"The son of Luang Thep is such a pleasant talker. He is also handsome and doesn't act arrogant like other children from noble families."

"You're right." I nod in agreement. 

"Khun-Yai is kind. When I bumped into the pole of his pavilion, he didn't take offence and even pulled me out of the water. He didn't mind getting wet at all." Oul-Suya casts a sly smirk.

"Why are you smiling?" I can't help asking. I don't think it is due to the confusing mixed dialect I use, since everyone is used to it.

"Nothing." He waves it off, but his eyes remain sparkly. He asks shortly after, "Have you had any odd dreams lately?"

Thinking along, I don't remember my dream last night. But two nights ago, I dreamed about myself swearing at the universe and a wormhole in an empty meadow. After a moment, the universe started to get mad at all the cusses and threw stars at me. One of them lands on my hands, shining brightly in my palms.

"Um..I dreamed a star fell on my hands two nights ago. Why?"

He thinks about it before saying, "They say if you dream about receiving a star or a moon, you will be pregnant as a woman and gifted a two-legged animal as a man."

"What kind of two-legged animal, Oui-Suya?  A chicken?" I say with a laugh. If I were to be gifted a four- legged animal, my guess would be a pig. But we are talking about a two-legged animal. It will be either a duck or a chicken. It hits me that if we win the piglet race today, Mr Robert might throw a feast for the servants with grilled turkeys. After all, this is Christmas.

Mr Robert never lets his servant starve. However, the servants' meals usually consist of sticky rice, chilli paste, and fresh vegetables, with meat at times. If there is roast beef or spicy buffalo meat salad, I have no choice but to be a vegetarian during the meal, as I don't like meat from cattle. Therefore, an aromatic, giant-grilled turkey is truly heaven.

"I don't know if it will be a Thai chicken or a foreign chicken," Oui-Suya muses with a smile on the corner of his mouth, though there is nothing mysterious about it. Whether it's grilled chicken or grilled turkey, it will be delicious. I give him a smile without an opinion, letting the subtlety of ancient people's minds remain incomprehensible to someone from another era like me.

Soon, the piglet keepers are ordered to stand by the race field. When I get up, my eyes land on something. It glistens in the sunlight on the grass near Oui-suya and me. I walk over and find a round steel piece, five centimetres in diameter, attached to a small chain. A pocket watch.

I pick it up right away. It is a winding pocket watch, its porcelain dial adorned with tiny rubies that display three units of time, with sub-seconds on an hour dial. This is Khun-Yai's pocket watch, undoubtedly. He took it out around half an hour ago. I remember its features.

"Oui-Suya, this is Khun-Yai's pocket watch," I say. "He must've dropped it when he checked the time. It looks expensive."

Oul-Suya eyes the watch in my hand. "I guess you're right."

"I need to return it to him."

"Not right now." Oui-Suya shakes his head strictly. "We are servants. We can only stay in the area we are allowed to. We can't walk around. You have to wait until Khun-Yai walks by."

I gaze up at the sky painted orange by the sun, nearly setting over the horizon. The evening party will start shortly. I doubt Khun-Yai will revisit this area. After the races are over, I suppose he will wait at the library, playing bridge or getting together with other high-status guests. "What if Khun-Yai doesn't come here, Oui?" Oui-Suya thinks for a moment before answering, 

"Then you have to return it tomorrow." I surrender to the unarguable reason and keep the watch with me for the time being, as Oui-Suya suggested.

By the time Hope and other piglets are getting ready at the starting point, the sky turns dim in the dusk of the evening. I cast my eyes to the spectator area under the building and the space with wide umbrella tables, searching for Khun-Yai, but there are loads of spectators. Plus, I am quite far from the building, so it is hard to see.

The host announces the names of the piglets and the companies they represent. I crouch by the finish line next to other piglet keepers from other companies. Earlier, Oui-Suya and I went to Hope behind the temporary barrier and fed it cake crumbs I had crushed in my hand on purpose to intensify its appetite. The whistle signals lifting the barrier.

Hope charges forward while the other piglets hesitate. I clap and shout its name over the other keepers' voices. Hope, as if understanding, runs toward me. The spectators burst out laughing when a piglet dashes past another piglet and causes it to wobble off course and out of the field with no return. Hope stays focused and keeps himself on course. His ambition to obtain the cake is unstoppably powerful.

The crowd chants Hope's name and the other piglet's name, called Cinnamon, as both of them are neck and neck, neither refusing to give up. I slap the ground next to the cake before me and scream Hope's name at the top of my lungs. Finally, Hope takes the lead!

Hope!

Hope!

Hope!

The crowd cheers and claps rhythmically as I hold out the cake at arm's length. The scene before my eyes is in slow motion. Amid the cheer, Hope leads ahead, leaving the other piglets behind. It zooms vigorously, as if powered by a high-capacity battery. It scuttles across the grass, carrying its plump body forward, the bow around its neck blowing in the wind

My heart swells in my chest. My Hope, the smart piglet, the champion piglet. I know it is no ordinary piglet! "Hope! Come on!" I yell.

Nevertheless, the wind carries with it something I did not expect. Hope halts when it smells the Cavendish banana cake in the air. It is so strong that Hope loses his balance. Unfortunately, the smell doesn't come from my cake.

At the tables under large white umbrellas, where the foreigners enjoy viewing the race, a waiter brings out a tray of freshly baked Cavendish banana cakes. He serves them at each table. The smell is temptingly appetising.

Do you remember what my banana cake is? It is a cake made from a large portion of cultivated bananas with only a hint of the smell of the Cavendish banana, a fake cake. How can it ever beat an authentic Cavendish banana cake?!

Hope, knowing the difference, changes its direction. It runs towards something more enticing. I watch in shock as Hope reaches the spectator area and clambers around the waiter. I gape when it bites the waiter's slacks and yanks him relentlessly until he trips. The waiter doesn't only fall. One of his hands automatically flies up and grabs a tablecloth!

The white linen slips, bringing with them the ceramic plates and glasses. The fancy knives and silver spoons tilt and tumble, scattering across the grassy field amid the exclamations. The Cavendish banana cakes drop as Hope wishes. It gobbles them amid the amused laughter and the disaster it has brought upon.

I decide to leave my position when Cinnamon hits the finish line. I dart to Hope and grab it, its mouth full of the cakes. Hope chews merrily, sending crumbs all over its face and my clothes, which only draws more laughter. I carry Hope out in a hurry before it can do anything worse, then I catch Mr Robert sitting on a European tufted leather chair with his timber merchant friends. His face reddens, almost dark, and is void of a smile, which clearly denotes his fury. The laughter is an amusement to others, but humiliation to Mr Robert. The future of my career is doomed.

Late in the evening, I ride the cart back with Oui-Suya in low spirits. Mr Robert's glower is still vivid in my mind. Hope looks happy to have filled its stomach with its favourite snack. I pat its head, feeling pity more than anger. It's not its fault for being gluttonous. It's a piglet.

We deliver disappointing news to the guys. They console me to the point that I want to resign from the world and enter the monkhood. From now on, my career will go down the drain. 

Unbelievable. I used to dream of running my own architecture company one day, but look at me. I can't even dream of being promoted from a piglet keeper. At night, I go to bed gloomily. I lie on my back with my arm on my forehead, sighing at the incident today.

"Why are you so depressed? You lost, that's all," Ming says in vexation, hearing my continuous sighs.

I shake my head. He doesn't understand that it was partly a way to prove myself to Mr Robert. I will never get to leave the cowshed and pigsty from now on. Buckets and broomsticks will perpetually be part of my working life.

"It's such a shame. What a bummer. I bet the two-legged animal Oui-Suya talked about means the foreign boss's feet on my face."

"The two-legged animal?"

"I dreamed about receiving a star days ago. Oui-Suya told me I would be gifted a two-legged animal. I thought it would be a grilled turkey. I guess it's not."

Ming pauses, then guffaws. "You fool! The two-legged animal is a human. You will have a wife!"

I turn to Ming. No. I will never marry him. The other guys are a no, too. The female servants are out of the question.

"I don't want a wife. I want a turkey," I say, flipping to my side in dejection. The next day, I work in a daze, cleaning the cowshed and pigsty in acceptance. I don't even want to say a word of complaint.

I feel sorry for Hope. It used to be Mr Robert's favourite pet, but it is out of favour now. The same goes for me; it's a keeper. I have been labelled as the person Mr Robert despises, who must humbly hide here and never show his face to unnecessarily aggravate the boss.

In the afternoon, I decide to paddle to Khun-Yai's place to return the watch to him. I shouldn't keep something valuable with me for long. I would be in trouble if I lost it. I paddle along the river, trying not to steer too far away from the bank. I have gotten a knack for it now, so Ming doesn't need to accompany me. The cool breeze carries the scent of the trees, mixed with the spray of water. I take a deep breath and feel calmer.

Before long, I cross into the property of Luang Thep Nititham and crane my neck from a distance. Khun-Yai isn't reading a book in the pavilion like usual today, and it disappoints me. I keep paddling until my boat reaches the stairs of the waterfront pavilion.

I stick my head up. Not far from the slope of the lawn, Nai-Jun, an old man whom I always saw sticking by Khun-Yai's side, is ordering the other servants to move a large lotus basin to the other side. I sit there awkwardly for a moment before calling him. When Nai-Jun turns and sees me, he comes over.

"Oh, it's Nai-Jom. What brings you here?"

"I found Khun-Yai's pocket watch at the Gymkhana Club," I say, taking out the watch wrapped in a cloth and unfolding it. "I'm here to return it."

Nai-Jun studies the watch for a moment, then nods. "This is indeed Khun-Yai's watch." I hesitate, unsure if I should ask Nai-Jun to deliver it to Khun-Yai. He seems to be the head servant who keeps things going in the great house and doesn't look like a deceiver. Still, I feel paranoid. We can't judge people by their looks. There have been many cases to learn from.

Luckily, I don't have to fret over it long because Nai-Jun offers me a suggestion.

Khun-Yai is talking to the foreign teacher in the little house. How about this? You wait here. I will send word to Khun-Yai."

"Okay," I agree gladly.

Nai-Jun heads off, leaving me waiting at the pavilion. I glance around. This area is absolutely shady. The gigantic rain tree casts its shadow over the grass, resembling a soft, thick green carpet. I want to lie on it. I feel like getting up there to pick up the Lantoms falling all over the ground, but I hold myself back. I should wait until Khun-Yai is present, or else they would say I'm thievish at 1 am. I suddenly think of Nai-Jun's words. The said foreign teacher must be the one teaching English. That is why Khun-Yai conversed with people at the club without difficulty.

Shortly after, Khun-Yai strolls to the pavilion. Today, he is in a white hemp shirt and satin trousers, looking relaxed and familiar. I wait until he arrives at the pavilion and sits down before greeting him with my hands folded over my chest.

"I am sorry Hope did not win yesterday," Khun-Yai says, faint green stubble painting his fair, clean skin.

"I am sorry too, but it has passed," I reply, trying not to dwell on my sadness. Khun-Yai fixes his gaze on me, his big and jetty eyes reflecting sympathy and encouragement, which draws me a great distance away from sadness. "Nai-Jun said you found my possession."

"Right," I say. "When you walked out yesterday, you must have dropped it. Good thing I found it."

I take out the watch. It sits peacefully in the small cloth. Khun-Yai holds out his hands to get the watch. But, instead of picking up the steel chain, he cups the back of my hand with his palm and places the other on top. I raise my eyes in surprise. The warmth of his hands seeps through my skin. And then, he withdraws them longingly as if he wishes to hold my hand a little bit longer. I blink stupidly, but Khun-Yai's expression remains unchanged, as though the way he touched my hand like that is nothing out of ordinariness. Seriously, is this normal? Am I overthinking it?

"This watch has immense sentimental value for me," Khun-Yai says gently, ignoring my bewildered face. "It was gifted to me by my uncle. It would be a shame if I lost it."

"...Fortunately, I found it." All right. It is normal, then. Don't be surprised when it's my turn.

"You're right." Khun-Yai slightly nods, his jetty eyes gleaming. "I suppose I shall reward you."

"You don't have to, "I say quickly, not wanting to bother him. "You dropped something, and I returned it to you. I didn't do it for any reward. When you helped me last time, I haven't paid you back."

"What if I insist? If I wish to reward you out of amiability and affection, will Poh-Jom so much as reject it?"

I am totally stunned and unable to argue. Ugh, who could have turned you down when you had gone this far?

"I don't want money," I say straightforwardly.

"What do you want, then?"

A spaceship, the Anywhere Door, or anything that will take me back to my world. "I can't think of one, Khun-Yai. If I know what I want in the future, can I tell you then?" Here is my answer.

"Of course, as long as you promise that you will not forget about it. Please do not make me go to Mr Robert's place to remind you."

I smile. What is this? Why would a rewarder remind a recipient to get a reward? "Sure, I promise."

We chat for a brief moment. It doesn't last long since I am a servant of another family. I have no right to laze around here. Regardless, a few words exchanged between us chased away my downheartedness. Khun-Yai feels like the source of something close to happiness. He puts people around him at ease, convincing us that no problem is too severe to be fixed.

I take off from the pavilion, not forgetting to pick up a fallen Lantom with me, not knowing that our recent conversation about his wish to reward me bears a deeper meaning. Because I was not aware that what I would ask of him is not an object or money, and that what he wishes to give me is not an object either.