I Feel You Linger In The Air

Special 1 - Khun-Yai

"Uncle, Louis and Alex are messing with Nu-Dao again."

A high-pitched voice of a five-year-old girl pipes as she stomps up the stairs to her uncle, who sits on a guest chair on the raised platform under the shade of branches spreading over the large wooden balcony. The taunting noises sound from the lawn below.

The twin boys with Caucasian features blow their sister a raspberry mischievously before running off to the back of the house with their weary nursemaid in tow.

"What did they do?" asks the resonant, deep voice of the house owner. He is a tall man with a noble character, sitting with another well-behaved girl.

'Khun-Yai' strokes his youngest niece's head in adoration when she darts in and hugs his waist. He hasn't reached forty, yet he has to be 'Uncle Yai to his four grandchildren: Louis, Alex, Ueam Duean, and Ueam Dao. They are the descendants of Gp. Capt. Keerati Palatip, or 'Khun-Lek', is his only brother. His wife kept getting pregnant a few months after the previous child was born. Furthermore, their eldest sons are twins.

Khun-Yai looks down at the small face with more Caucasian features than Thai. It makes the girl resemble a doll. His brother's wife is a British woman. They got married while Khun-Lek studied in England.

"They stole my doll," she fumes through her cute, small lips. Though she speaks perfect Thai, her accent is a little off, suggesting she was raised in a foreign country or often uses a foreign language.

The other girl, reading a book nearby, sighs in annoyance. "You keep playing with them despite knowing they love messing with you. When you cry and come to Uncle Yai, it only entertains them even more."

Khun-Yai smiles. His two nieces may look similar, but the older one, Ueam Duean, possesses more Thai traits. Her face is sharp and pretty, and her manner is rather 'prideful' like her grandparents. She isn't naughty and energetic like most half-European children in Thailand.

"But they messed with me." Ueam Dao pouts.

"Don't react. They'll get bored and stop messing with you eventually," Ueam Duean says, not looking up from her book.

"I hate them both!"

"No, don't say you hate your brothers." 

Khun-Yai carries his niece and puts her on his lap. He wipes the tears off her glowing pink cheeks. "Let's read a book with Duean. I have lots of picture books. There are tales and colouring books as well."

The little girl stops being upset immediately. "Nu-Dao will colour pictures."

Ueam Dao runs to the antique wooden cabinet in the hall to fetch colored pencils. This house still has that ancient vibe, with the old furniture and the fact that it has never been renovated. It is a small house, shady in the middle of the surrounding trees. The Lantoms' trees line the path from the house to the backyard, adjoining the Ping River. The little girl's attention span is very short. She starts fidgeting after a few minutes of colouring. When she notices the nursemaid bringing snacks to the twins in the backyard, the little Ueam Dao dashes down the stairs, forgetting about her brother's recent mischief.

Khun-Yai reads a book quietly with his other niece, his brother's middle child, in the dim shade of trees and the breeze. He observes the countenance of his niece, who focuses on reading. Her small face is more serious than that of other six-year-old kids.

"Nu-Duean, don't you want to go out and play?" he asks.

"I want to finish this book first, Uncle Yai."

Khun-Yai cracks a soft smile. His gentle smile only makes his face look dreamy, the charm of a calm, collected middle-aged man. "I thought you would be bored after a long sit."

"I'm not bored. I love reading in your house."

"Do you love reading or the house?" he teases.

"I love both. I want Father to move to Chiang Mai like you so I can come here every day," the girl says, then she catches herself. "Will you allow me to do it?"

Khun-Yai lets out a soft laugh. The girl speaks eloquently and cleverly. Her light-brown, big, round eyes are clear and lively, unlike those of other little girls, who usually act reserved in front of elders.

The man watches her in silence, thinks for a moment, then pats the little girl's head lovingly. "Nu-Ueam Duean, do you love this house?"

"Yes."

"If I give you this house one day, will you promise to do something for me?" The little girl's eyes widen. "Sure. What promise?"

"Goodness. You've agreed even before knowing what the promise is," Khun-Yai laughs, his eyes sparkling like jet. "When you're older, I'll tell you then."

A clamour from the front lawn below draws their attention to a group of people heading this way. The thirty-three-year-old Khun-Lek carries one of his sons on his back while his other son tries to climb up.

"Daddy, let Louis get on your back too."

"Don't call me Daddy. I've told you to call me "Father" and to speak only Thai when we're in Thailand. Don't you remember?"

"Father, please let me get on your back as well."

"How do I carry both of you?"

"But you're a soder."

"A soldier, not a soder," the father laughs. He relents and lets his son climb up on his back. His twins are remarkably naughty. But since they are cute like foreign dolls, the family elders usually spoil them more than reprimand them. Once he reaches the stairs of the little house, he lets his sons go down and orders the nursemaid.

"Duangjit, give them a bath. They're dirty."

One of the twins asks, "Can Alex play in the inflatable pool?"

"Go ahead." Khun-Lek waves his hand. The children holler. All three of them race to the great house while Khun-Lek shakes his head in weariness. Ueam Duean shuts the book, puts it back in its place, and follows the nursemaid to bathe without waiting for anyone to tell her.

Khun-Yai moves into the hall and opens the window to let the wind in. Khun-Lek follows him inside and stretches next to the short pearl-embellished desk his brother still uses to study. His brother lives in this little house, leaving his room in the great house vacant. He only sleeps there when his family travels to Chiang Mai or visits him.

"Ugh.How exhausting. I don't know if they're humans or monkeys," Khun-Lek complains.

"Kids are supposed to be naughty. They'll be calmer when they grow up."

"You're talking like you have kids, Yai."

"If you're going to talk about this again, I suggest you drop it now." Khun-Yai stops his brother. He knows his brother is about to bring up his marriage. Getting caught by his brother, Khun-Lek laughs. He leans his back on the cushion. "I never want to push you. Mother told me to do it."

Khun-Yai's expression stays nonchalant, unbothered by what he has heard. His brother eyes him, looking both amused and irked, then he continues.

"She's lowered her standard for quite a lot. A decent woman with no sinful record would be fine. Her wealth is less important. This wouldn't have been approved back then. The daughter-in-law of the Palatips must come from a noble family to be suitable for Judge Kritsada Palatip. A nobody wasn't allowed. Neither was a foreigner. Look how it turned out. Her pickiness has kept my brother single until now."

Khun-Yai shakes his head amusedly. "I'm fine with that."

"Prim and I aren't. She got pressured even more than I," he grumbles in exhaustion and locks his eyes on his brother's face in contemplation.

Khun-Yai, his brother, is a perfect man, with his wealth and a stable career. His looks are beyond discussion. He has always been handsome and has become even more charming as he gets older. And yet, he has remained single until now. He remembers the first years his brother was back from England. At that time, Khun-Yai, Kritsada Palatip, the eldest son of Phraya Nitiphumthamrong, was exceptionally popular in the Capital. All the daughters from several families hoped to marry the eldest son of the Palatips, the family with a promising future. His assets were ample, and he tended to get into politics, like his brother-in-law. His brother didn't hold back either. His handsomeness exuded like an aura, spreading his charm at full max. He lived his life like a star in Bangkok's high society. Wherever he went, a spotlight shone on him.

Yet, that was all there was. Kritsada Palatip never handed his flower garland to any woman. He treated them equally, politely and respectfully. Many of them had a chance to get closer to him, but they would end up being just friends or sisters. No one could ever take his heart, as if he had given it to someone already.

"I give up. Who would be able to put up a fight? I don't even know who my rival is. She could be a ghost with no existence'

Those are the words Khun-Lek heard from a woman, a relative of Khun-Sak, his brother-in-law. She was one of the women Khun-Prim tried to match with Khun-Yai so she could be her sister-in-law, but the plan failed as the feelings were unrequited

The hope to become the daughter-in-law of Lady Kae got even dimmer when Khun-Yai moved out of Bangkok to serve as a judge in another province. It was of his own volition to be stationed in the city in the north, specifically Chiang Mai.

"I have no clue why he's so attached to that place. He goes there whenever he has a chance. If the servants hadn't reported to me that he never brought a woman there, I would have thought Yai had a secret wife in the city."

Lady Kae always complained this way. This was where his family lived when Luang Thep Nititham, the family's leader, was stationed in Chiang Mai. When his father was bestowed the ranks of 'Phra' and 'Phraya, respectively, and offered the title 'Phraya Nitiphumthamrong, he needed to move back to Bangkok. Several years after that, this house became more like a vacation home where his family occasionally visited, especially in the pleasantly cool winter.

Khun-Yai's wish to be stationed in the north upset Lady Kae to a certain extent, but she didn't make a fuss. Her eldest son's resolution was too steely to oppose. Even Phraya Nitiphumthamrong couldn't bring himself to oppose his eldest son, as he had accepted his son's vision since before World War II. Back then, Khun-Yai founded a sugar factory with Khun-Sak, his brother-in-law, which exasperated many relatives. Even Lady Kae couldn't keep quiet about it.

"My family has always been doing a merchant business. We're thick-skinned. I'm more worried about your father's side of the family. They think we have gone broke, or maybe the judge's salary is not enough, so our son has to do farming."

Even so, it couldn't waver Khun-Yai's ambition. Besides partnering with Khun-Sak to found the sugar factory, he managed Lady Kae's lands in Nakhon Pathom, turning them into paddy fields and fruit gardens that required strict attention. Who would have thought that one day, what his brother had initiated would save their family and relatives from the predicament the others suffered?

World War I lasted several years and left many households in difficulty. Moreover, there was a major flood in the Capital and Thonburi, which caused extensive damage to houses and farmland, resulting in prices for everything shooting up. Nonetheless, his family survived the crisis. Rice and sugar were distributed to their relatives. As to the amount they divided for sale, Khun-Yai firmly insisted they sold it to other people in moderate quantities. Every family must not stock it. If they were found to have sold it in the market at a higher price, they would be forbidden to purchase goods from the Palatips.

"What a blessing..May you thrive and prosper. Ugh...you prepared everything like you could predict the future."

Khun-Lek smiles when he remembers how some people's offences later became praise. The war has been over for more than a year. The country is finally at peace. Those who took refuge from the bombs in the suburbs and the other provinces have returned to their hometowns, yet his brother refused to move back to Bangkok as his family suggested. Khun-Lek rests his chin in his palm and asks, "Seriously, Yai, who are you waiting for?"

Khun-Yai turns his head to his brother, a grin on his face. "Someone."

"Goodness...my brother. I guess your feelings aren't reciprocated. That's why you're still single. So, won't you tell me her name or which family she's from?"

"You will know when you see that person. If you don't get the chance, just keep in mind that there is someone. As simple as that."

"What a witty way to put it, brother." Khun-Lek sits up and stretches. "I'll go and take a bath now. I feel sticky. Don't forget to have dinner with us at the great house, or the kids will ask for you, especially Ueam Duean."

Khun-Lek rises and steps towards the door.  He halts when his eyes catch the wall occupied by framed drawings, every single piece pencilled. There are rough sketches and detailed pictures. Most capture this place from different angles-the little house, the great house, the waterfront pavilion, the garden, the view of the Ping River, and some locations in Chiang Mai.

"Nai-Jom's drawings," Khun-Lek mumbles. 

"You framed them so nicely. I thought they were lost. Beautiful pictures. He sure was skilled. What a shame that he suddenl..."

Khun-Lek stops there. What happened to 'Nai-Jom', his brother's former majordomo, was utterly mysterious. He disappeared without a trace as though he simply ceased to exist in this world, a puzzle no one has been able to solve. The police concluded that he ran away since they couldn't find his family, his body, or any clues.

"Will you continue to keep these drawings?"

"Of course, they will stay here until the next generations."

Khun-Lek cracks a small smile. He doesn't exactly understand why his brother is so attached to so many things here, but he believes his brother must have a reason he prefers to keep to himself.

Khun-Yai watches his brother descend the stairs from the balcony to the lawn below, then he turns his eyes to the drawings on the wall. Each one holds a story he regularly recalls.

The pencilled lines on the framed pictures fade from his mind, replaced by a man's flawless face....Poh-Jom.

Khun-Yai's expression softens, his heart full of this overwhelming longing. He recalls the fair complexion, the raven eyes he thought were pretty and clear like stars, the clever remarks he tried to conceal under his humble manner, his scent, his warm skin, the body shivering as he engraved his love deep inside of him, and the soft, moist lips that made him want to kiss whenever his eyes fell on them. Everything is vivid in his memories, never fading away. They feel so clear in his feelings, as though it all happened just now, though it has been over a decade.

He steps out of the door into the balcony. The spacious wooden balcony is shady and cool under the great trees with extended branches. The lawn below is grassy, carefully tended. The ivory Lantoms speckle the grass. He thinks of the first days he came back from England and stood in this place again. It was the time his heart was disturbed by the unbearable frustration. He thought years would ease the feelings that had got stuck with someone here, but that wasn't the case. Years had shaped a boy into an adult armed with intelligence and a wise way of life.

As to love, however, it was the only thing unchanged, as if it had fully grown way before. His heart still yearned for 'Poh-Jom', his first and only love in this life. Those profound feelings kept him lost in the endless pain. Waiting without a clue if they would meet again was endless torture. But then, one day, he discovered that he still had hope.

It was one morning in winter during his holiday here. He woke up early. The weather was so refreshing that he felt like taking a stroll around the place. He stepped out onto the balcony and dropped his gaze to the garden below. There was fog swirling above the ground. And he saw it...

A slim figure stood on the lawn near the stairs of the little house, a sketchbook and a pencil in his hands. Though the man had his back to him, he recognised who that person was with confidence.

...Poh-Jom, the person he missed the most. A few seconds after the stupefaction, he rushes towards the stairs and shouts, "Poh-Jom..!"

The figure froze, hearing someone calling his name. He turned his flawless face reluctantly. Before he turned his head enough to see Khun-Yai's face, he decided to spin and march away in a hurry. Khun-Yai sprinted down, feeling like his heart was about to fly off. Unfortunately, the sight disappeared after a couple of his steps down the stairs!

He flopped on the last step, his heart pounding in his chest, his eyes fixed on the foggy lawn in a daze. He knew it wasn't a dream. It was real. The faint smell of heat lingered, suggesting the portal to the other world had opened here seconds ago.

The hope that soothed his heart took shape like rain in the drought. He realised by then that he would undoubtedly meet that person again someday, though he had no idea when it would be. It could be in the next month, next year, or next lifetime.

The wind carries the scent of Lantoms with the cool air, blowing past memories into the present. Khun-Yai heads to the bench on the balcony. He settles there and leans against the backrest, his chest strangely warm. It feels like the wind has brought the longing and the word of love from that person to him. It comes with the wind, the grass, the rustling leaves, and everything around him. He closes his eyes, taking in the warm sweetness spreading in his chest as if he is embracing that person at the moment. His beautiful lips part, and a whisper escapes.

"I will always wait here...Poh-Jom."