I Feel You Linger In The Air

Chapter 21 - Daydream

Thud!

"Ouch!" Commander shoves me off, sending me falling on my butt.

"I didn't do anything," Commander Yai snarls, pointing at me. "He's a madman! He stripped anywhere without a care."

"No! I didn't," I roar. "The cloth was undone when I woke up. I tried to fix it but couldn't, and Commander Yai wouldn't help me."

Commander In goes silent for a moment, then bursts out laughing. At last, Captain Mun is called to save the situation. The atmosphere is hilariously awkward. Captain Mun presses his lips tightly as he hurriedly ties the cloth for me. Commander Yai's face still has the shade of red and green, looking like the angry Indra. Commander In tries to keep a straight face for his brother's sake, but fails. His stomach and neck tense up from holding the laugh. He then follows his brother, who storms out of the tent.

Late in the morning, I have become the talk of the town among the carts and the brave soldiers.

"How bold of you, Ai-Jom, to take off your cloth in the commander's tent. I have to give it to you." Captain Mun guffaws, his face red, his hands clutching his stomach. They all whisper and laugh about this throughout the morning trip, truly entertained. But when Commander In or Commander Yai ride their horses past them, they shut their mouths and focus on the journey.

I am awfully bummed and can't help correcting him, "I didn't take off the cloth. It undid itself. I never wore it before. You know it."

Does anyone care about my explanation...? No. Those who are too scared to laugh in front of me turn their backs or look in other directions, though their shoulders tremble violently. Forever the talk of the town, huh? Last time, I crashed into Khun-Yai's waterfront pavilion and flipped my boat. It is quite a development this time around as my cloth fell off in front of him. Plus, Captain Mun or Ming is the pain in the ass in every lifetime.

At noon, the procession stops for a break. I note that the groves of trees in the area aren't as thick as where we travelled past yesterday in the woods. I sit, lean my back on a rock, and stretch my legs. I feel aching all over, like my soul is leaving my body. The others don't seem as tired as me. They live in a period when people mainly farm the land for a living, so their bodies are firmer and stronger than those of a city man like me. Besides, they are more familiar with the landscape and the weather.

I draw my breath when the shackle on my ankles moves and stings them. The skin around my ankles and anklebones is bruised by the contact with the metal rings in each step. It wasn't this bad yesterday because I wore my old clothes, which included long pants. The hems protected my skin from direct contact with the rings. Now, I wear something like a thigh-length loincloth. My black leather shoes have been thrown into a cart, replaced by flat leather sandals with ropes. Nothing shields my skin from the scraping. I stroke my ankles gently and wince when I touch the stinging part.

I jump as I spot Commander Yai trotting nearby on his horse. He is looking this way, so our eyes meet. I don't smile at him just to be ignored again, like yesterday. Instead, I convey to him, telepathically, that I hate him. Commander Yai flicks his eyes past me without a care. I heave a sigh. It would be great if I could hate him for at least ten per cent because I actually don't hate him at all. It is impossible to hate the person with the face of the one you love with all your heart.

When it is time to continue the journey, I stand up and hobble to my position next to Captain Mun.

"Captain Mun, do you have some fabric scraps?" I ask. "Please give me some to tie my ankles. Otherwise, I won't be able to walk any further."

Captain Mun eyes the red scratches on my ankles and agrees, though he complains that I am being fussy. He fetches some cloth from one of the luggage carts and rips it into long, thin strips. Before I can tie them around my ankles, I hear a trot as Commander In approaches on his horse.

"Remove the shackle," he orders. Captain Mun looks dumbfounded. "But Commander Yai.."

Commander In pulls an annoyed face. "I'm telling you to take it off, so do it. Ask no more."

Captain Mun obeys and removes the manacles. I feel absolutely relieved that my legs are finally free. My wrists are still shackled, but it is not as burdensome and painful when I walk as the ankle shackle was. Commander In studies, the bruises around my ankles and frowns. "His skin is oddly fragile. These tiny metal pieces even cut through his flesh."

He takes out a cloth hooked in his belt and tosses it to me. I catch it before I can process anything. It is a clean ivory-coloured handkerchief with the edge neatly embroidered in a tiny pattern. When Commander In leads his horse away, I find Captain Mun looking at me with cheeky eyes. He lifts his eyebrow to ask which fabric I will use between the one Commander In tossed over and the dirty scrap he randomly picked out from the cart.

I respond with a smile and crouch down to wipe the blood off the bruises with Commander In's handkerchief with no hesitation. I hear Captain Mun muttering in the air something like..I knew it.

At night, we make a camp in the woods again. The positions of the tents and the sentry system are the same. It takes me by surprise when Captain Mun unlocks the shackles on my arms when it is time to sleep.

"The commander said you didn't have to be shackled anymore," he says. I am happy to move my limbs freely, yet still wonder which commander it was. Commander Yai or

Commander In? "Where do I sleep tonight?"

"The same place," he replies. "The commander hasn't given me a different order."

I follow Captain Mun to Commander Yai's tent, my heart thumping at the thought of facing him again. When we reached the tent, Commander Yai was already in there. Captain Mun walks away, leaving me with breathing difficulty inside with Commander Yai. I sit reservedly in my corner. The source of light for tonight comes from the lit candle in a brass holder next to Commander Yai's mattress. He looks at me and lowers his eyes to my ankles. I wrapped one of them in Commander In's handkerchief as the skin was scraped. I leave the other untied because it is just red and a bit bruised.

"It's Commander In's," I explain in a sheepish voice, like I am guilty, though I didn't steal it. Commander Yai says nothing. He turns his eyes away with a deadpan face and shifts to a praying position. Seeing him do that, I realise I should pray too. I kneel and close my eyes, then I pray in my mind, not mumbling it out like Commander Yai in fear that it will interrupt him. I pray to the Triple Gem to protect me from danger and not let any more misfortune get a hold of me. Then, I wait silently until Commander Yai finishes his prayer. He extinguishes the light and lies down. 

This time, I don't ask him if I can sleep and roll the blanket to use as my pillow, since the air isn't cold tonight. When it gets chillier in the morning, I will spread it out to serve as a blanket again. Before my head touches the pillow, Commander Yai speaks in a cold voice.

"If you cloth loosens again tonight, I will whip your back on the ground."

I lie down with my back facing him. I clench my jaw really hard, afraid I will lose it and snap back. Let me ask you. Who would loosen a cloth for fun? He said it on purpose, as I did. The tent now falls into silence.

I lie there with my eyes open in the dark, my thoughts beginning to wander to all kinds of things. Commander Yai is probably not asleep right away, but he says nothing more. I can only sigh. He obviously has no intention to converse with me. He only lets me sleep here because you should keep your enemy close. He seems more skilled in battling than everyone here. If I pull a trick, it will be easy for him to get rid of me. This is better than leaving me outside to cause worse damage. I could slit the sleeping soldiers' throats, steal the food carts, or bring other bandits to rob them. I seriously want to tell him the worst damage I have the ability to cause is that I might snore.

Nearly an hour later, I am still awake. Worse, things become more vivid in the dark. I can smell the woods and leatherwear. I can hear Commander Yai breathing, a constant rhythm that makes me imagine his chest heaving up and down in time with it. I shut my eyes with this bitterness of longing. He is a few inches away, yet it feels like we are in different worlds. Maybe it is because his heart is far away from me. Do we possess memories from the future...? I suppose not. Moreover, they shouldn't be called memories.

Tonight, I dream about Khun-Yai, a dream born of this crazy, overwhelming longing, a mechanism of the human mind that helps us cope with reality. Alleviating the pain with sweetness. In the dream, I stand in front of Luang Thep Nititham's great house in B.E. 2471 in the morning, where the servants are following their routines. Everything looks normal, as if this is not a dream. But, deep down, this feels strangely surreal. Perhaps my consciousness clings tightly to reality.

Khun-Yai isn't with Khun-Kae in the house. I crane my neck and view each room, hoping to spot him studying with the Luang or the foreign teacher, but he is nowhere to be seen. I look for him uneasily in the garden and the waterfront pavilion. When I fail to find him, I start shouting and crying. Finally, I have found him. Khun-Yai is reading on a chair on the balcony of the little house, under the shade of the great tree and the faint sunlight. Khun-Yai smiles when he sees me. The smile is so warm that my heart nearly melts.

"Poh-Jom… I have been waiting for so long. Where have you been?"

I run up the stairs with my soaring heart, almost lunging at him. I can't put into words how much I have missed his voice and his presence. I wrap my arms around Khun-Yai's waist and bury my face in his chest.

"Where have you been, Khun-Yai? I looked for you around the place and couldn't find you. You were nowhere. My heart was about to break."

"I have never gone anywhere. I have been sitting here for a long time, waiting for Poh-Jom. I was thinking you were lazing around."

I tighten the embrace, sobbing violently. Tears flow down my cheeks. Khun-Yai wipes them off with his big hands. "You're crying like a child. Don't cry."

I clasp his hands and kiss them. My tears get all over his skin. I've missed you, Khun-Yai. I've missed you so much. Please don't ever leave me again."

"I have never left you. Not once," he comforts me with his resonant voice. "Good spirit. do not burn. Good spirit, do return to my Poh-Jomkwan."

And I wake up.

I open my eyes to the blurry sight before me, my chest still heaving from the sobs. Tears streak my cheeks as I adjust my vision and feelings, trying to comprehend what I am looking at. The faint light showering the fabric from the outside, the tent structure, and a man's hands in my grip.

I blink away the tears and do my best to pinpoint which stage of life I am in. The charming face resembling the one in my dream hovers over me. He wears an ancient outfit, his brow furrowed. And I mumble.

"C...Commander Yai."

I let go of his hands the second he pulls them back. Commander Yai narrows his eyes, his lips slightly pressed together, his gaze full of questions. I flick my eyes around in a daze, my heart feeling weak with the same feelings I had in my dream, if emptier. I sniff, the words slipping out of my mouth without so much thought, "I'm sorry."

Commander Yai says nothing. He looks at me with eyes filled with perplexity, then he stands and walks out of the tent. I push myself up and rub my face, wishing I hadn't woken up.

The journey resumes in the late morning. The ambience is livelier than it was the other day, since we will soon reach the village where travellers usually take temporary shelter and stock up on supplies. I am not in the mood to chat or enjoy the scenery, though my arms and legs are shackled no more. All I think is, whatever happens, happens.

At noon, we arrived at the small village, Baan Thung Hin. The narrow route edging through the woods opens onto a wider road with tracks of carts, footsteps, and animal prints, suggesting the road is frequently used. The royal procession stops by the edge of the woods. Before us lies an expansive grassland that stretches to the village. I can see the roofs of many houses in the distance.

They set the tents around the edge of the grassland, pretty far from the villagers' cultivated lands and paddy fields. A small stream runs nearby, the source of water for the villagers' farms. I sit next to a cart and watch the servants carry down the equipment and build the tents. All eight horses are tied to the trees near the stream, grazing the grass with no worry.

"Do you need a hand?" I ask a servant. A stack of blankets is in his arms. Eyes widening, he shakes his head fast and steps away from me. They must still believe I am a fault in this place, a mysterious man with an unknown background. Well, I can't blame them.

Shortly after, Captain Mun comes to me with another four of his fellow soldiers. They are no longer in soldier uniforms and now wear casual outfits. Captain Mun chirps with a cheerful face.

"I’ll visit the market. They say the liquor at Baan Thung Hin is strong. I wish to try it."

"How many times are you going to try it, Captain Mun? You finished half the jar last time," one of the soldiers argues in amusement. "Quit making excuses. Just admit you're craving liquor."

Captain Mun raises his foot to kick the man, but he dodges and laughs out loud. It makes Captain Mun laugh as well. I can only plaster a vague smile on my face at the situation.

"Come on, get up," Captain Mun tells me. "Do I need to carry you on my hip?"

I look at him in confusion. "Hmm...? Can I go with you?"

"The commander told me to keep an eye on you. Do I have a choice but to bring you with me?"

I stand up as told and join their trip. The distance from this point to the village is quite long. Our backs will be sweaty without horses or carts. Even so, they all look energetic despite the burning sunlight, teasing each other along the way. I only watch and listen silently.

About halfway there, we halt as a group of mighty men shows up behind a grove of trees and the thick growth of grass on the side, supposedly waiting for us. My heart pounds, noticing these men are fully armed with swords, axes, and crossbows, each of them fixing us with hostile stares. One of them speaks in a growl. "Who are you?"

Captain Mun and his fellow soldiers exchange wary glances, then he asks back, "Who are you, lots? Why are you blocking our way?"

"Answer me," the other guy pointed up his sword intimidatingly. Seeing that things are getting worse, Captain Mun says, "We are soldiers travelling by."

"Soldiers or bandits?" the other guy pesters. He sweeps his eyes all over us. "Soldiers fleeing from a losing battle are bound to become bandits."

"You're the bandit!" One of Captain Mun's fellow soldiers barks back, incensed at being accused. "You're hiding in the woods. If you all weren't bandits, who would be?"

"You want a taste of my sword, bastard?!"

Captain Mun and his friends draw out their swords abruptly, and the other men don't waste a second. Everything happens so fast. They all charge towards one another and fight with their weapons. I fall backwards, my heart dropping in fear. I am the only one here unarmed!

I hear a swish in the air above my head and look up. A spear flies across the field and stabs the ground. It lands precisely in the middle of the battling men, ceasing the fight in an instant. I turn my head in the direction the spear was thrown from in shock. A warhorse soars across the dense grasses, hovering overhead, swift like the wind. Its neigh reverberates vigorously across the field when its rider speeds it up in the snappiest gallop. I watch with a thrill. Though the sight is backlit, I recognise that the burly figure on the horse is Commander Yai!

He cues for a halt amid the fight, fearless of the weapons of the surrounding strangers. His fiery eyes cast around before he utters in a powerful, hoarse voice. 

"What's happening? Why are you all fighting?"

Captain Mun and the other soldiers don't lower their weapons. He replies, "These men attacked us first, Commander. I fear they are bandits attempting to rob us."

Those mighty men are stunned upon hearing how Captain Mun addressed Commander Yai.

"Have you lost your eyes, Captain?!" Commander Yai bellows. "Their swords and knives are made of fine steel of Baan Thung Hin. How can they be bandits?!"

In the end, the conflict is resolved when both parties learn that neither is a bandit. The group of mighty men blocking our way is a group of young men from the village volunteering to guard their home. Bandits have been attacking villages lately, so villagers are helping each other protect their villages. Commander Yai has to ride into the village to meet the Village Headman, Nankum. Even though it is an impulsive misunderstanding from both parties and the injury is not serious, Commander Yai deems it necessary to meet the Headman and officially apologise to prevent further frictions.

I also get tangled up, even if I have done nothing besides standing tremblingly near the fight. I have to crouch down on the lawn with Captain Mun and his gang in the house of Nankum, the Village Headman, and bow down in apology for hurting the Headman's men without meaning to.

"My men acted rashly. Please forgive them, Poh-Nan," Commander Yai pleads. Despite his usual imposing manner, he looks humble in the presence of an older person. Nankum shakes his head. He is an elder, around fifty years old, but still looks healthy, with a kind disposition.

"Do you need to apologise over such a matter? My men are no different. They get hot-headed when provoked a little and always rush for a fight."

The said men avert their eyes, though they were challenging us fiercely earlier. So, things are patched up smoothly. Both parties hold no grudge over the incident. Nankum orders his servants to bring the betel nuts and tobacco to the bamboo bench to welcome their guests.

"Mae-Ing, Jumpa, prepare a meal for our guests." But Commander Yai rejects, "Please don't bother, Poh-Nan. I have to return to my camp to guard Her Royal Highness, so I can't stay long. I would appreciate a bowl of jasmine rainwater in the earthen jar by the fence, Poh-Nan."

I freeze and glance up at him, stunned for a moment...Did he just say "jasmine rainwater'?

Soon, a girl named Jumpa, Nankam's daughter, as I reckon, carries a silver bowl of rainwater with a few jasmine flowers floating inside and sets it before Commander Yai. He sips it slowly, his posture stirring emotions in my chest. His expression and gaze, refreshed by the infused water...He is definitely my Khun-Yai. I clench my fists on my lap, staring at him inevitably, my heart indescribably yearning.

"Thank you, Mae-Jumpa," Commander Yai says when he lowers the bowl back down.

Jumpa twists in shyness, and I pull a face without thinking. I understand that when a young woman hears a low voice uttered by a dignified, dauntless man, she is bound to twist like a pretzel. Yet I can't help but feel this pricking in my heart.

How pathetic. I am acting like the evil character in a soap opera who gets jealous of the female lead. Not to mention the male lead doesn't even give a damn about me. I drop my gaze and stop my thoughts from going any wilder.

After saying goodbye politely and exiting Nankum's place, Commander Yai rides his horse back to our camp. On the other hand, Captain Mun, his gang, and I don't go back with Commander Yai and stay in the village as planned. Though Baan Thung Hin is a small village, its market is pretty vibrant. I suppose the reason is that this place is a rest stop for travellers to take shelter and buy food before resuming their journeys.

We stroll in the market full of merchants. Both sides are lined with stalls and shops selling clothes and various equipment. Some merchants set their shoulder poles on the sides of the road to attract customers. There are weird-looking foods, appliances, wild fruits, and plants I have never seen before. They even have trinkets and toys. If it took place in my era, I would be excited and enjoy the ancient vibe of this countryside market. I would grab my phone and capture tons of pictures, impressed. But since I am not a tourist and don't even know what status I have in this era. A prisoner or a captive? A miracle or a fault? All in all, the market is not all that appealing to me.

Captain Mun and his friends window-shop for a moment before going for what they came for in the first place, a food stall that sells booze. They ordered liquor and several dishes. They also warn each other not to drink too much, since some of them are assigned as sentries tonight. Commander Yai might punish them. Captain Mun is kind enough to let me have grilled deer meat. I eat a piece, trying not to think of its big, round eyes. 

After getting a bit tipsy, they all point to a Mon woman carrying a shoulder pole past the stall. She is a striking woman with a gorgeous figure. They all suck in their breath and nudge one another with their elbows, chirping dirty jokes jovially. Captain Mun, more attracted than anyone, rises and cranes his neck longingly.

"Wait for me here," Captain Mun tells me and turns to one of his friends. "Ai-Son, come with me. The woman is such a beauty. How can I let her walk by without doing anything?" Having no choice, I wait quietly for Captain Mun's return. 

After a while, things get messy. The soldiers get cheeky and start flirting with the village women, which aggravates the men at the next table. I begin to worry, afraid they will break into another fight. Keep in mind that I am an ordinary person with no battle skills like theirs. I don't even have a single weapon to protect myself. When one man. starts shouting, I decide to get up.

"I will look for Captain Mun."

No one bats an eye as they all pour their attention to the next table, which is good. I stride away from the stall and head along the path Captain Mun disappears into with his friend.

I wander around for some time and realise I am lost. I can't find Captain Mun or return to the stall. I look left and right anxiously. The sky is darker than when I joined Captain Mun's trip to the village as dusk falls. If I still can't find them later, what will I do? Sleep by the road? What if the procession continues without me...?

I start panicking and spin around in uneasiness, but then I spot someone... Commander In. He is not in a full soldier's uniform as I saw in the morning, but is dressed in a thigh-length, drawn-up cloth, topless, revealing his muscular chest. I march towards him and open my mouth to call his name, but it is too late because I am too far. 

Commander In glances around before entering a shop. I quicken my pace after him. When I step into the shop, I halt. Hmm..? He is shopping for female ornaments. I am a bit reluctant, but I decide to sneak out and wait by the entrance, feeling it is a personal matter that he probably doesn't want anyone to pry into. I keep an eye on him from afar, though, afraid I will lose sight of him.

Commander In spends his time choosing and finally buys a hairpin. He tells the shop owner to wrap it in a Silk cloth with a beautiful pattern. I smile. Commander In...Who are you in love with? If he purchases it in secret, I assume the woman must be some female royal attendant. He did look around before getting inside.

I grab the chance when he hands the merchant his coin to step away from the shop entrance and hide behind a banana stall. Once Commander In is a few steps away from the shop, I call his name.

"Ah...Commander In."

Commander In turns around and seems surprised to see me here. He quickly puts the silk wrap in the. waistband like he doesn't want anyone to see. Too late. I have watched from the beginning to the end.

"Commander In, I got lost from Captain Mun and walked around in circles several times. I saw no one but you. Could you show me the way back to the camp?"

He doesn't think much, just nodding and saying, "Come with me."

I follow Commander In silently. When we reach the stall selling a variety of dried meat, I spot his horse tied to the tree behind. Commander In pays the stall owner and pulls his horse onto the road.

"Hop up," he orders. Alarmed, I look at him and the horse back and forth with uncertainty. Riding a horse with Commander In is allowed? I guess so, given that he stares at me, waiting for me to do as told. I observe the horse in anxiety. I have never even ridden a typical horse, and this is a huge, formidable warhorse. How do I get up?

Commander In can tell from my hesitation. He says, "Hold my shoulders and put your foot on the stirrup." Commander In's shoulders are incredibly firm. I clutch them and successfully push myself up on the horse with the stirrup, with a little help from Commander In. He straddles the horse behind me, seizes the reins, and signals the horse to move. The horse trots past the residential area and into the edge of the grassland, then it speeds up out of the blue. I cry out when the horse gallops forward.

"What are you yelling for?" he asks. Eyes widening, I grip the mane tightly. 

"Commander In, I've never ridden a horse before. This is my first time. Could you slow down? Heeeeey!" Commander In doesn't reduce the speed. Instead, he goes faster. My heart bounces in time with the gallop. I scream again when he makes the horse jump across the narrow stream, as if teasing, and laughs at my reaction.

Now that the thrilling moment is over, I start laughing, a little bit mad. If I got shocked and fell, what would he do? He would simply pull me back up and laugh even harder, I guess. Come to think of it, this is rather odd. 

Despite being the spitting image of Ohm, he possesses many distinct aspects from the Ohm in my era. Ohm is solemn and more mature, while Commander In is a young horse, gallant and bold. He is charming in a different way.

Soon, we arrived at the edge of the grassland on the other side, where our camp is located. Commander In steers the horse through the carts and slows down when he spots Commander Yai. I tense up automatically when Commander Yai throws his glance at us. Noticing my reaction, Commander In says.

“Now, see, my brother is not as cruel and heartless as you think. He is a man of tremendous kindness. But since he is the head guard of the royal procession, he can't afford to be careless. If he so much as makes a mistake, he will suffer punishment."

I listen without arguing. Commander In stops the horse once we are closer. We both dismount the horse and walk towards Commander Yai.

"He got lost from the soldiers and wandered around in the market until I saw him and took him here together," Commander In explains to his brother the reason he brought me with him.

Commander Yai, not making a fuss, nods and tells his brother to get prepared to have an audience with Princess Amphan together after Her Royal Highness finishes dinner. To discuss their journey over the following days, I assume.

Commander Yai doesn't punish me, to my relief. My eyes are glued to his back as he walks away, then I speak to Commander In, "Commander In, as to the handkerchief you lent me, I will wash it clean and return it to you later."

I pause when I catch his expression. Commander In stares at me before breaking into a grin. His voice is more melodious than ever.

"Oh, Jom, in battle, I can never surpass my brother. In other things, however.." He pulls a sly smile. "I am no incompetent. Just by a glimpse at your eyes, I can see through your heart that you hold no ill will towards my brother."

I am deeply touched, utterly grateful that he views me in a positive light, unlike the others. Before I can express my gratitude, Commander In continues. "Still, mark my warning, Ai-Jom. Though the royal physician believes fate brought you here to be of some use to us in the future, you should beware. Otherwise, people will not be convinced that you were sent here for the benefit of the city."

I get flustered, my heart plummeting. Commander In leans closer and whispers, "If you don't stop gazing at my brother with such longing eyes, they will believe you were sent to belong to my brother alone."

With that, he laughs and pulls his horse away, leaving me gaping here. Hmph...What nonsense did you spew out, Commander In?!

Tonight, they build a big fire in the field and settle around it together instead of kindling multiple fires like the other day. This feels like the night they relax after days of travelling through the woods.

Commander Yai and Commander In also joined the circle, even if they usually rested in their tents and occasionally came out to make certain things were in order. They both wear drawn-up cloths without their shirts, presumably to blend in with the others. No discrimination. Regardless, they stand out for their unique leadership qualities, as reflected in the way they speak and their manners.

The night air is soothing. The breeze under the stars, the warm fire, and the appetising smell of grilled fish. They also drink, but they keep it under control, not getting loud and disturbing the princess. They heartily chat while relishing the liquor and grilled fish. 

"Ai-Jom, you don't have to sleep in the commander's tent anymore," Captain Mun tells me. I am sitting with the infantry. The cavalry is farther away from us.

"Oh, how come?" I ask, sneaking a glance at Commander Yai on the other side of the fire.

"How idiotic. The commander has seen that you won't flee and aren't in disguise with an ill intention, so he allows you to sleep on the cart. Aren't you happy?"

"Well. I hesitate. "I'm happy, but I'm scared of tigers."

"Ugh! Why would tigers or bears hang about a village full of people?"

The later, the livelier the atmosphere gets. I get to taste the liquor Captain Mun's friends pass over. It is made from corns, fragrant and is super strong. It feels like I splash fire down my throat. I don't drink much, aware that I am a lightweight, just sipping on the drink passed over. Commander Yai drinks some as well, but not as much as Commander In, who keeps chugging the booze down. He seems a heavyweight, considering he still stays sober after countless glasses. 

I notice that Khun-Yai doesn't put on his stony expression all the time, as when he was with me. It is even more evident now that he drinks. He jokes around in a good mood, chats, laughs, and drinks the liquor his subordinates offer, accepting their thoughtfulness. Amid the cool breeze and the starry sky, I hear music in the wind. It sounds like a zither and other instruments.

"Where does the sound come from?" asked Captain Mun.

"Those beautiful female royal attendants. They play music for Her Royal Highness. We are blessed to hear it in the process."

I nod. The music is sweet and melodic. I look through the fire burning into the air in tiny sparks to the charming face of the man on the opposite side. Commander Yai laughs merrily when Commander In says something that makes the soldiers slap their knees and guffaw.

I think of his expression and manner when he sips on the jasmine-infused water, and my heart flutters. Has he any idea how pleasant-looking he is...? I ponder as I get a bit tipsy from the alcohol. I have suddenly been exiled from Commander Yai's tent to

sleep on a cart. Part of me is relieved that I  no longer have to be intimidated by his presence, but another part of me feels somewhat empty. Even though I have been maddened by the lack of gentleness in his actions time and time again, I can't deny that he is my only emotional anchor.

Khun-Yai, oh...Khun-Yai. The love plant he has grown in my heart still blooms even at the aridest moment of my life, in the darkness with no way out. Even when I have met him in another lifetime where he shows no amity to me, the feelings tightly attached to my heart, sweet and sentimental, never fade.

Amid the foggy puzzlement in my head, my ears hear someone chanting a verse along with the orchestra performed by the female royal attendants. The voice is playful, like when I rubbed his face with a towel soaked in scented water. 

Even sober, I'm drunk with love's drink. What d' you think might put it aside? Mid-day cup dilutes morn' cup of wine, But love's wine keeps me drunk all the day....

I continue gazing at him, unfathomably feeling troubled with myself. Commander Yai has no clue that he has become part of my uncontrollable daydream, still chatting and joking around with the others. His smile is clear, the same as the smile once directed to me. And those gorgeous sparkling jetty eyes. Why wouldn't I remember how playful and affectionate they were when we were side by side? I would be glad to stare at them until morning.

I tilt my head and prop it on my upper arm, sighing, unable to take my eyes off his face. I think I am a little bit drunk, but yeah...! I feel unsure what I am drunk on.

Force feelings to stop, possible, but yearning's out of the question. Thoughts dismissed, crossed out one by one.

I can't erase affection from my mind.

...Hmm.

How do you hit on a man in this era...?