I Feel You Linger In The Air

Chapter 13 - The Scented Lantoms

The next day, I am annoyingly consumed by the mess of my emotions. My head feels like a jar stuffed with all sorts of things, necessary and unnecessary. I don't know why I keep it all in there. When I realise it, I pick them out and throw them away, but they roll back into the jar again.

My concern has been ambiguous and uncomfortable enough since the incident yesterday, yet have the nerve to worry about someone else's family's business. I have no idea why the sight of Khun-Yai and Khun-Bongkoch strolling in the garden together and Khun-Lek's words bother me so much that I get all cranky. In fact, it is normal for Khun-Kae to be looking for a wife for her son, and it is up to Khun-Yai whether he accepts it. I can never guess and have no right to meddle. Come to think of it, everything eating at me originated from one person: Khun-Yai.

Is he aware of all of this? Look..He saunters gaily from the great house without a trace of dismalness. What an aggravating sight.

"You don't have to bring my things to the waterfront pavilion. I will be running an errand for Mother shortly."

"Okay." I stop cutting the branches of the orange jasmine trees near the stairs and speak in a level voice without looking at him, "I will prepare your clothes."

"Wait." Khun-Yai's order halts me, stopping me dead in my tracks.

"It seems you are avoiding me."

"I'm not," I say, not meeting his eyes.

"Really?" He approaches me, leans down slightly, and cocks his head to look at my face. I flick my eyes to his face and divert them in an instant. My cheeks feel hot as my emotions spiral out of control because Khun-Yai's face is too close, and he is smiling. Normally, I would have loved it when a person's smile reached his eyes like this. But, am nothing close to normal right now, especially when an image pops in my head, and it is...a shameful one.

"Where are you headed? I will prepare your attire accordingly," I sputter. Khun-Yai straightens his back, and I can breathe again. "Not now. I want Poh-Jom to do something for me first."

"What is it?"

"Learn how to use a vehicle."

"Pardon?" I blink and ask back, uncertain, 

"Which one? A carriage or a cart? I'm not good at controlling animals. I don't know how to ride horses, let alone cows and buffalo."

"Not those. I am talking about a car. You want to accompany me outside, don't you? Learn how to drive and drive for me."

I take a deep, loud breath, my eyes widening in disbelief...The shiny black ancient car parked at the great house?!

"Do you want to learn it?"

"I do,"I answer, cloud and clear, half of my current aggravation disappearing. If someone can be bought with money, I can be bought with cars.

Soon, I stand in front of the black classic Ford Model T. The model is produced and exported all over the world in this era. The special part is that this model has designs with both left and right steering wheels to be used only in every country.

I stand in place, pressing my lips together, as I stare at the vehicle that I have never once dreamed of touching in my life. The thing before me is not a car. It is history. I study the sleek black steel assembling into the structure of an old-fashioned square car. Round headlights jut out at the front, near the mudguards extending from the side steps and curving above the wheels with spokes. The front and back seats are brown leather.

"Are you scared, Nai-Jom?" Nai-Tem, the chauffeur, asks with a smile. He is a polite, friendly middle-aged man. Right... I am scared. I am scared I won't get to drive it. I turn to Nai-Tem and inhale. "Shall we start,  Nai-Tem?"

Today is one of the Luang's working days, where he leaves to work in the morning and comes home in the evening. Thus, the car is left in the garage, waiting to pick up the Luang when he gets off work. If no one in the house has business somewhere, the car is parked inside all day. Less than an hour later, I impress Khun-Yai and Nai-Tem with my quick-learning skills. Of course, I am a

quick learner. I have been driving for years. I just need a moment to get familiar with the old system and accelerate it, steering around on the paths in the place.

Many servants flock around the lawn to watch me learn how to drive in excitement. In this era, driving must be as thrilling as flying an aeroplane since commoners can't own cars. Only the royals, the high-ranking authorities, or the wealthy can possess them. As Nai-Tem explains, there are a few dozen cars in Chiang Mai.

"Can I try driving on the road?" I ask enthusiastically. Who would be able to contain, especially in the era where there are only a few cars on the road? Nai-Tem looks unsure, though he has witnessed firsthand how excellent I am. On the contrary, Khun-Yai cracks a big smile.

"Okay, I will go with you."

Since Khun-Yai has said that, Nai-Tem steps back and lets me show my skills. I reassure him that I will drive carefully and keep in mind that the Luang's son is in the car with me.

Khun-Yai doesn't hop into the backseat as he should. Instead, he sits in the passenger's seat. It is a bit weird but not abnormal. It seems like he wants to sit next to me for supervision. I drive out of the gate and speed across the unpaved road flanked by tall trees, houses, and shady gardens.

It feels odd that I am not sharing the road with numerous cars jammed together like in my era. On the other hand, I have to be mindful of carts and bicycles. Tons of people in Chiang Mai in this era use bicycles.

Despite the nice weather, the fading sunlight, the cool breeze, and the groves of trees casting shadows on the road that freshen up the atmosphere, I suddenly feel moody again. Maybe the excitement of driving has subsided and been replaced by the recent bitterness. And it is not only bitterness. There is a mix of peculiarly uncomfortable sadness as well.

I glance at Khun-Yai's side profile... Why? What was the world thinking to create this kind of person? He is attractive, kind, and playfully flirty. His charm can make anyone who comes close to him fall in love anytime. I am lucky to have him as my boss. He is incredibly kind and caring to me. He treats me so well that I can find no fault. His tremendous kindness generously spreads to everyone, including the beautiful Khun-Bongkoch.

To say it spreads is inaccurate. He actually 'pours' his feelings out. We all pour out our deep, special feelings to the person we choose to be our partners. Now that I think about it, Khun-Yai is not as perfect as I have praised. Is there even a heart under that gorgeous face? 

My brain is about to explode from my own worry. I can't go back to my world, and if I stay here, I have to wait for years for his return. When that time comes, how much will he change? This is not a trivial issue to me. What kind of boss is he? Why is he ignorant of my worry? How heartless. My chest is filled with this upset feeling.

"Are you going to get engaged before going to England?" I blurt out, unable to hold back. My sudden question makes Khun-Yai turn his head abruptly. "Where did you hear that?"

"Well. Khun-Lek told me."

"When?"

"Yesterday. When you took a walk in the garden with Khun-Bongkoch." I try to sound casual and uninterested, but in my mind, I stress each word clearly. "Khun-Lek said Khun-Yai might be engaged with someone before going to England."

Khun-Yai remains silent, then says, "Go on."

I should stop here, but my break fails. 

"Khun-Lek said Khun-Kae was afraid you would come back with a foreign partner, so she wished you would be engaged before leaving for England. And Khun-Bongkoch could be the one she hoped to be your partner."

Khun-Yai sighs in weariness and slowly shakes his head.

"What Lek said isn't true. The assumption can damage a woman's reputation. Khun-Bongkoch visits us to help with Prim's wedding, and I simply welcomed her out of courtesy. Parents indeed mean well to their children, but my parents never force their children in this matter. Lek knew nothing and spread the false rumour. I never hit my brother, but I suppose I have to pinch him this time so he won't mindlessly blab about things like this again."

His voice is firm as he utters each sentence, and it diminishes my exasperation like a boiling soup with the heat lowered.

"Ah..please don't go that far," I say in a meek voice. "Khun-Lek probably didn't mean it. He must have heard people gossiping and blabbering away as a kid."

Still, he deserves a pinch for causing me anxiety.

"Is this why you have been mopey with me since yesterday evening?"

..Huh? I turn my head towards him instantly and quickly focus on the road again, my mouth flapping open and closed, speechless. What is he talking about...? Mumpish? What is this word? Hesitate, not sure which point I will argue about: One, his accusing me of being sulky since yesterday evening, which means he thinks I am upset with him. Do I even have the right to be upset? Two, the reason why I am upset. That is..nonsense!

"I'm not..."

"No worries," Khun-Yai cuts in levelly, not letting me finish. "I don't mind."

He turns to the other side. When I sneak a glance, the corner of his lips obviously curves up on his cheek...He is smiling. Ugh...Damn me!

I drive for another while to get used to it and return to our place. Nai-Tem looks relieved that they have brought Khun-Yai back unscathed, and the car is free from scratches. When it departed, Nai-Jun, the Luang's majordomo, walked straight to us from the great house, seemingly having some business to report to Khun-Yai. I excuse myself and head to the little house, not sticking my nose in. I have to prepare clothes for Khun-Yai anyway.

While I walk across the green lawn dotted with fallen Lantoms, the wind fans out the fragrant scent in the air, and I can't help but bend down to pick up a few to place beside my pillow. All of a sudden, Khun-Yai's face when we were in the car together flashes in my mind, his side profile and the contented smile he tried to hide from me, as if he was pleased that I was 'mumpish' with him.

I bite my lip to stifle my smile and fail because my heart swirls like the petals of Lantoms blown by the wind and falling from the trees. I raise the Lantoms to my nose to hide it, though no one is around. I wonder why the Lantoms are more fragrant than usual.

The next day, three sets of new clothes were given to me at the little house. Kesorn explains that these were requested by Nai-Jun. If I am going to drive the car and accompany Khun-Yai outside, I have to dress properly, not ruining my boss's image.

I stand respectfully in my attire, a white shirt perfectly tucked in black trousers, basically a chauffeur uniform. The fabric is not of high quality, but things like this depend on the person who wears it. Shamelessly speaking, I look more like a college student from a rich family than a chauffeur.

When Khun-Yai walks in and sees me, he halts, his eyes glistening. "Is that Poh-Jom? I thought you were Busaba disguised as Unakan."

Nonsense. Even if Busaba pretends to be a man, she is still captivating. I am not that pretty. My skin is smooth and fair as I am half-Chinese, but it is quite an overstatement to compare me with a lady in literature. Plus, my body is not slender or fragile. Does Khun-Yai want to prove it?

Well...The last sentence is just a joke.

"Where are you headed today? I am very ready to serve you. Please state your command." I smile brightly.

"I have to order something at Kiti Panit on Thapae Street. Do you know the way?"

"Yes," I reply in earnest. I paddled past Thapae Street a few times with Ming to get to the markets, and the time I had to take care of the piglets for Mr Robert. This time, I have to drive there. I doubt it will be a problem since Khun-Yai will be with me.

In the afternoon, I spend my time on the economic street of Chiang Mai in this era. Both sides are lined with shops. Back when I was a piglet keeper, I could only glimpse at the street from afar because I had no business here.

Everything around me feels like a dream. It is as though I am in a picture taken in the past, but everything is not in black and white like those old photos. I am surrounded by colours and the liveliness of people. Buildings in Western architecture are everywhere. The street is bustling with trading and the crowd. There are malls, printing houses, tailors' shops, photo shops, souvenir shops, and even cafés that serve Western-style breakfast.

I follow Khun-Yai, mesmerised by everything. Amused, probably, he asks, "Is this the first time you came here?"

"Yes. You can tell, right?" I say honestly. 

"What a shame I didn't bring my drawing papers. Otherwise, I can sketch the scene roughly as a keepsake. This is 'amazing'. Worth to be captured."

Khun-Yai seems amused by the way I speak in both Thai and English. I guess he is used to my strange behaviours since he just smiles. Besides, I did tell him I learned English with the missionaries promoting Christianity.

I stop short when we reach the grocery store with stalls at the front. Next to them is an advertisement sign displaying a picture and a text, 'Sriwiang Theatre'.

"Khun-Yai," I whisper excitedly. "There is a theatre in Chiang Mai?"

"The Sriwiang Theatre is a bit further away from the Uppakut Temple intersection. Don't you know it?" he asks back.

"I don't. I lived in San Kham Paeng and started living in town when I served Mr Robert," I lie right away. I don't know if there is a theatre in Chiang Mai. I thought they were only in Bangkok.

Khun-Yai gives a small nod. "It was closed for a long time and reopened a few months ago. Drama troupes perform there on occasion, musicals, and dialogue plays. Do you like dramas?"

"Not really. I just heard them talking about it during meals in the kitchen."

"Do you want to see it?"

Hmm...?! My eyes widen. "Can I?"

"If you want to, I will take you there next time. Where there is a performance, a brass band will promote the show on the street, announcing the names of the show and performers."

"Is the ticket expensive?"

"There are three prices: twenty-five satang, fifty satang, and one baht. When I take you there, I will buy you the one-baht ticket."

Wow...What a sugar daddy. Can I have a carbonated drink and cheesy popcorn, too?

"Please keep your word." I grin.

"I am a man of my word."

Khun-Yai then leads the way in another direction to take care of his business, the main purpose. Kiti Panit is one of the big malls in Chiang Mai in this era. It is a two-and-a-half-story concrete-wood building painted in yellow, with balconies and sunshades under the eaves. The air outlets above the doors and windows are made of wood, stencilled delicately like the European gingerbread house.

I step through the entrance, thrilled. This place has a variety of things-clothes, jewellery, cut glassware, Chinaware, perfumes, soaps, and fancy products imported from overseas. There are even sections of auto parts and construction tools. It obviously targets high-class customers, such as nobles, high-ranking authorities, and the wealthy in Chiang Mai.

When Khun-Yai walks inside, the manager welcomes him familiarly and invites him to talk in his office. Khun-Yai is here to order something for the Luang, supposedly. I stroll away to check out the products in the showcases while waiting for him.

I turn my eyes out the window and spot a tall foreigner with light brown hair shopping outside. It is Mr James, the forestry assistant manager stationed in Lampang, a friend of Mr Robert, my former boss. I am not sure if I should greet him or stay here waiting for Khun-Yai. But since a group of well-dressed women giggling while selecting perfumes nearby makes me feel out of place, I choose to step outside eventually. Mr James remembers me. He seems really glad that I greet him.

"You're Jom. It's been a while. How are you doing?" He pats my arms like a friend.

"I'm doing okay." I smile. "Have you been well?"

"Yes. I visited Mr Robert some time ago and didn't see you there. I asked a servant, and he said you quit."

"Right, I quit due to a personal issue. I'm now serving at Luang Thep Nititham's place down the street."

Mr James nods, not asking for the details about the reason I quit working for Mr Robert. He asks something else, "Do you want to go to Lampang with me?"

"Pardon?" I say with a laugh. "What can I possibly do there?"

"Take care of my place," Mr James answers. 

"Before the rainy season, I will work in the office, not in the forest. If you go with me, you can prepare my meals."

"I'm not good at cooking. Not at all," I say, smiling.

"You can learn. I'm a meat-and-potatoes guy. I'm not picky like some of my friends who prefer full-course meals. You can drink whisky and chat with me at night."

"I appreciate your kindness." I fold my hands over my chest, touched..Well, how lucky I am that someone took a liking to me to the point that he wants to hire me. "But I am serving the Luang's son at the moment, like a butler trainee. It will be inappropriate if I suddenly quit."

"Or you want to raise piglets? If so, I will have a piglet to join the race next Christmas." Mr James doesn't give up.

"Did you forget what a disaster Hope caused last time? The spectators were shocked."

Mr James laughs. He strokes my shoulder and back in satisfaction and doesn't forget to remind me before he leaves that if I change my mind and decide to work for him, I am welcome anytime.

When I return to Kiti Panit, Khun-Yai has finished his business. He stands with his hands behind his back with a sour face, waiting for me by the entrance.

"Are you going anywhere else?" I ask.

"No," he says. "Take me home."

I agree and do as told. After that, the air around us feels foggy, gloomy and uncomfortable. Khun-Yai doesn't talk or smile as he did before. He sits in silence throughout our trip back home. I don't know what gives. Was the order unsuccessful? Did some mistake irk him?

I get to learn the cause of his sour mood when we arrive at the little house and stand by the stairs. Khun-Yai turns around and asks a question with a sullen face, void of a smile.

"That foreigner, are you close to him?"

"Who?"

"I saw one speaking to you today."

"Oh...It was Mr James, the forestry assistant manager in Lampang. He is a friend of Mr Robert, my former boss. Don't you know him? When I raced the piglet at the Gymkhana Club, Mr James was also there."

"I know who he is." Khun-Yai's voice is startlingly harsh. "I want to know when you became close to him. How close are you two for you to let him touch your body like that?"

I get flustered, scared even though I did nothing wrong. Khun-Yai's attitude feels different. He looks absolutely displeased, and the tone of his voice is reprimanding.

"Khun-Yai, Mr James is a man. I am a man. It is not scandalous for us to chat and get touchy as it would be if we were a man and a woman. It's fine."

"It's not," Khun-Yai says sharply. "I hate it when someone touches your body."

"Hmm...? Ah," I stutter. "Khun-Yai, I don't get it."

"Don't you know how I feel towards you, Poh-Jom?"

My eyes widen. The words escape my mouth automatically. "..I don't know."

"You don't know, or you close your heart and refuse to be aware of it?" Khun-Yai stresses every word, anger and a hint of sadness reflecting in his eyes. "I believe my sincere actions convey my feelings better than words, but if my actions fail to reach your heart.."

Khun-Yai stares into my eyes. His eyes that used to be forever affectionate are now gleaming, "Should I write you a poem?"

He storms up the stairs, leaving me alone in shock with his words echoing all around.

As in a love poem...!?