I ended up in a group I didn't get along with 

Spring & First Date

Time passes quickly. Before I knew it, we were about to welcome the third spring of our high school lives.

 

“Excuse me.”

 

I slowly opened the door and stepped into the staffroom. As always, the scent of coffee tickled my nose. Our form teacher didn't seem to be there. On the desk sat neatly arranged documents and a class photograph from our school trip, displayed in a thin glass frame.

 

“Thanks for bringing the class diary.”

 

“Wha—? Ah, sorry. I didn't mean to shout.”

 

I'd been so distracted by the photograph that the sudden voice behind me made me cry out far too loudly for the staffroom. It was rather noisy after the end-of-year ceremony, but I still felt my voice had echoed. When I turned around, I met the eyes of our form teacher, who was smiling apologetically.

 

“Sorry, sorry. I didn't mean to startle you.”

 

“No, I just startled myself.”

 

I dipped my head and looked away. During the brief silence, the surrounding chatter reached my ears. This was… awkward.

 

“Ah, I only came to drop off the diary…”

 

I hurried through the explanation and placed it on the desk. In doing so, I knocked over the framed photograph with a clatter. The thick diary must have created a gust of air as I set it down.

 

“Ah… Sorry, I knocked it over.”

 

“It's fine, it's fine. It hasn't broken.”

 

Our teacher laughed. The more flustered I got, the less anything went right. I put the frame back, and my attention drifted towards the photograph again.

 

“Will you still be here next year, sir?”

 

I'd somehow started making small talk I hadn't intended to make. I kept looking at the photograph while waiting for the answer, but the pause went on strangely long. When I looked up, our teacher was smiling with the same slightly downturned eyebrows as before.

 

“That'll be something to look forward to finding out next month.”

 

“…I see. Um, thank you for everything this year.”

 

It was only a hunch, but I suspected our teacher was being transferred. I bowed in gratitude for the past year. For some reason, the answer was a sigh. Huh? Had I made a bad impression? My report card had been full of positive comments. While I tilted my head in confusion, our teacher deliberately slumped his shoulders.

 

“Honestly, when you were choosing groups for the school trip, I was worried about how it would turn out.”

 

“…I'm sorry about that.”

 

I bowed again, this time in apology. Our teacher smiled and said, “I'm joking,” then gave my back a reassuring pat. That warm, gentle hand reached for the diary on the desk and flipped through its pages as if revisiting old memories.

 

“Did you enjoy being in this class?”

 

“Yes. I made more friends, too.”

 

“Watarai and the others, right? You're all very close.”

 

“Yeah. We even hang out together on our days off.”

 

“Oh, really… Some high school friends stay in touch as adults, and some don't.”

 

Our teacher raised his head and smiled.

 

“But I think you lot will stay close.”

 

My second-year form teacher. Just a teacher I'd had for one year. That was all. And yet those words carried a strange certainty.

 

“That's what I intend.”

 

I smiled back, bowed once more and left the staffroom. My footsteps were the only sound in the quiet corridor, now empty of students. Perhaps the midday sun had grown stronger, because the familiar corridor seemed unusually bright.

 

“I think you lot will stay close.”

 

Our teacher's words repeated themselves in my head. It was nothing more than a selfish wish, but I hoped so too. I wanted us to stay that way. Tsujitani and Ino, whom I'd known since middle school. Minase, whom I'd met through the badminton club in high school. Nakazato, Hotta and Morizaki, whom I'd befriended because of the school trip. And Watarai, who had become someone special.

 

I ran up the stairs and entered the classroom filled with so many memories. One student was waiting inside.

 

“I'm back.”

 

My voice echoed through the deserted room.

 

“Welcome back.”

 

Watarai looked up from his phone and gave me a gentle smile. I smiled back and headed for my desk. After putting my scattered stationery into my pencil case, I glanced at Watarai, who was watching my hands.

 

“Do you think our teacher will still be here next year?”

 

“Teacher? Ours?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Who knows…”

 

Watarai sounded uninterested. He rested his cheek on his hand, looking rather distracted. Curious about what was on his mind, I stopped packing and pulled out a chair.

 

“Doesn't that sort of thing bother you?”

 

“I'm more worried about which class we'll be in for third year.”

 

“…That's true.”

 

So that was why he'd been distracted. Satisfied with my discovery, I smiled at the worried Watarai.

 

“Even if we're put in different classes, my feelings won't change.”

 

“Well, I'm not going to let them change.”

 

He raised the corners of his mouth, took my hand and entwined our fingers. The ticklish feeling made me smile. Then I heard a soft “Hey.”

 

“Will you do me a favour?”

 

“Depends what it is, but sure.”

 

“Are you free during the spring holidays? I want to see you as much as possible.”

 

Oh. Was that all?

 

It might have been rude to put it like that, but the request was so easy that I couldn't help making a surprised noise. Sure enough, Watarai's eyebrows drooped at my reaction.

 

“Have you already made plans?”

 

“Ah, no, that's not it. It's just… you don't even need to ask me a favour for something like that.”

 

“So that's a yes?”

 

“Of course.”

 

I nodded several times, and his face lit up happily.

 

“Is it okay if we go somewhere a little far away?”

 

“Where?”

 

“Tokyo, maybe.”

 

“Oh…”

 

“Too far?”

 

“No, it was just further than I expected, so I was surprised. It's absolutely fine.”

 

“I'm glad. Thanks.”

 

Watarai smiled again and picked up his phone with one hand. He was probably going to show me the account or website of somewhere he wanted to visit. While I waited, I squeezed his other hand, which was still holding mine, a little tighter.

 

“Is that your way of telling me to hurry up?”

 

Watarai looked up and laughed.

 

“No. I'm just keeping myself occupied.”

 

“Give me a little longer.”

 

Once again, his affectionate eyes disappeared beneath his fringe as he looked down. With nothing else to do, I gazed outside, where everything was covered in a vivid pale pink. This would be the last time I saw the view from here. Just as I was getting sentimental about it, a gentle spring breeze floated in through the window. The warm wind carried falling cherry blossom petals and softly brushed my hair.

 

“We're going by train, right?”

 

I looked away from the window and addressed his lowered head.

 

“Yeah. Neither of us can drive yet.”

 

“So if you had a licence, we'd go by car?”

 

“Although if we went by car, we might choose somewhere else.”

 

“Even just going for a drive sounds fun.”

 

“Yeah. Let's go somewhere once I get my licence.”

 

“I feel like you'd be a good driver.”

 

“I'm terrible at kart-racing games.”

 

“Then I'll wear a helmet when I get in.”

 

“Ahaha! I'm not that bad.”

 

“Hey, why don't we go out?”

 

I said it in exactly the same tone as the rest of our conversation. There was no romantic atmosphere, no nervous build-up. Somehow, the words simply left my mouth. His lowered eyelids slowly rose. He blinked once, then again.

 

“Go out…? Where are we going…?”

 

“Not that kind of going out. I mean I want you to be my boyfriend.”

 

“Oh… that kind.”

 

Although he answered, he still didn't seem to understand. His hand had stopped moving on his phone, and his gaze was fixed on me. Another warm spring breeze passed between us, filling the empty classroom with its gentle presence.

 

“You're not joking… are you?”

 

He kept staring at me as he spoke.

 

“I'm not joking.”

 

“You and me… together, right?”

 

“That's right.”

 

“Really…?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“I-I see…”

 

His clear eyes trembled beneath the fringe stirring in the breeze.

 

“Should I wait for your answer?”

 

“Ah, no…”

 

Watarai broke off and blinked again. Then a single bright trail ran down his cheek. Between the sleeping face I'd seen on the bus and his face when he cried, he could be surprisingly childlike. His nose and cheeks turned bright red, and tears spilled down them. I couldn't help smiling.

 

“Can I take those as happy tears?”

 

I let go of his hand and wiped away the tears.

 

“…They're partly embarrassment and frustration, too.”

 

“Why?”

 

“…It's seriously uncool.”

 

Watarai tugged at his uniform and roughly rubbed his cheeks. I think he'd originally planned to confess to me again. He'd said as much when he first told me how he felt. But he'd probably forgotten all about it. Given how close we'd become, we already behaved much like a couple, so it was understandable.

 

“Let me look cool for once too.”

 

I smiled at him as he sniffled. He merely wiped his eyes and frowned.

 

“Are you really sure… you want me?”

 

His tear-filled eyes wavered. After pursuing me so persistently and making me fall for him, Watarai was now offering me a way out at the very last moment. It was both kind and a little cruel.

 

“Yeah. I want you, Watarai. It has to be you.”

 

Now and from now on. As I slowly spoke the words, his tense expression softened. So confessing your feelings really was this exhausting, both emotionally and physically. At least I'd known Watarai liked me when I confessed. He'd told me his feelings without knowing mine at all.

 

“You're amazing, Watarai.”

 

“…Why?”

 

“When you told me how you felt at the beach, weren't you scared?”

 

“Ah… I think I'd become half reckless by then. I thought you'd hate me.”

 

He murmured and turned his gaze towards the window.

 

“Men weren't originally the people you were romantically interested in, were they, Hioki?”

 

“Yeah… What about you?”

 

“No. Not me either.”

 

His next words carried both hesitation and loneliness.

 

“That's why it was scary… But there's no right or wrong answer to who you fall in love with. I just had to believe in myself.”

 

People were calling for greater understanding of same-sex relationships, but acceptance still wasn't universal. I'd always thought Watarai was capable of handling everything effortlessly. Perhaps he'd actually been worrying and struggling with all sorts of things where I couldn't see him.

 

“Thank you for telling me how you felt.”

 

“Although I did think I'd gone a bit too far when I started looking up ways to brainwash you.”

 

“…Hm? What?”

 

“Ahaha. I'm joking.”

 

I decided to pretend I hadn't heard that. I breathed out as the tension eased, stood and stretched my stiff body.

 

“Shall we get going?”

 

“Wait. Is my face still red?”

 

“No. Your eyes are a bit swollen, though.”

 

“Seriously?”

 

Blushing with embarrassment, Watarai began using his phone screen as a mirror to tidy himself up. Meanwhile, I went over to the windows to finish my duties as the student on classroom duty. A few students were still visible in the bicycle parking area below. After checking that the windows were locked, I reached for my rucksack and suddenly remembered something.

 

“By the way, you might have forgotten this already, but…”

 

“Hm?”

 

Watarai, who had slung his bag over his shoulder, tilted his head.

 

“We drew fortunes on the school trip, remember?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Under romance, yours said, ‘Believe in yourself and move forward.’”

 

“Oh, you remember that well.”

 

I was surprised I remembered it myself. But perhaps there was a reason it had come back to me.

 

“It came true, didn't it?”

 

I gave a proud little sniff. Watarai stared blankly at first, then smiled happily.

 

“It did. What did yours say?”

 

“Huh, what was it again? I don't think it was very relevant, though.”

 

“I see… Ah.”

 

Watarai suddenly stopped walking. Had he forgotten something? When I turned around, he was looking down at me tenderly.

 

“I never answered you earlier, did I?”

 

“Answered…? Oh, my confession.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

Come to think of it, he hadn't. I'd already assumed I knew the answer without needing to hear it. Nervousness filled the air again, and I swallowed.

 

“I look forward to being with you.”

 

“Me too.”

 

“Can I hug you?”

 

“P-please do.”

 

I awkwardly opened my arms to welcome him. Watarai smiled as though he might melt and hugged me, rucksack and all. There wasn't much in it, so it was practically flat, but did it make hugging me difficult? Oh, well. His warmth and the faint sound of his heartbeat were comforting. We stayed that way until we'd both had enough, then slowly drew apart. Seeing his satisfied smile made me smile too.

 

“You don't have to ask permission from now on, you know.”

 

“Eh?”

 

“Um… because we're dating now.”

 

“So because I'm your boyfriend, I can do what I like?”

 

“B-boyf… Well, yes. Yeah.”

 

Only now, at the word ‘boyfriend’, did the reality that we were dating begin to sink in. The delayed reaction made the back of my neck heat up. When I felt my ears growing hot too, I looked away and buried my face in his shoulder to hide it. Since he was my boyfriend, I'd let myself do as I pleased until the embarrassment passed.

 

“Getting shy?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Ahaha. Cute.”

 

I'd prefer to be a cool boyfriend, but that might be impossible right now.

 

“Hioki.”

 

I heard my name spoken above my head. That was all. No other words followed. Wondering why, I raised my face and felt something soft touch my lips.

 

“Eh?”

 

All I could do was stare blankly at the very satisfied Watarai. I lifted a hand to my own lips and traced them with my fingers, trying to follow the sensation I'd just felt.

 

“Let's get used to this too.”

 

“Ah… yes.”

 

I answered with a mind that couldn't keep up. It had happened so quickly that my thoughts were completely blank. I had no idea how much time passed before I realised I'd been kissed. While I stood staring at him, Watarai began laughing, his shoulders shaking.

 

“Ahaha. Sorry. I startled you, didn't I?”

 

“No, I'm the one who should apologise, somehow. I'm not used to it.”

 

“That's fine. I'd rather you weren't used to it.”

 

His crescent-shaped eyes narrowed slightly. That was close. If I had been used to kissing, he'd probably have started an interrogation about every little detail. He was conveniently exempting himself, of course. Given that he'd had romantic relationships before, perhaps kissing was as ordinary as greeting someone to him.

 

“You're fine with a kiss, but the word ‘boyfriend’ makes you shy?”

 

“Eh… Ah, that's true. But I have a delayed reaction. Once I'm home, I'll probably be dying of embarrassment.”

 

“Oh, really… Want to come to my house today?”

 

“No, thank you. Please spare me today.”

 

“So today is no good? Does that mean another day would be fine?”

 

“Ah… yeah.”

 

Could someone please sew my mouth shut?

 

Every time I spoke, I dug myself into a deeper hole. Just then, the familiar school chime rang, as though rescuing me. In a sense, it was my saviour. Thank you, school bell. When we stepped into the corridor, dazzling sunlight surrounded us.

 

“I noticed something when you hugged me earlier.”

 

I looked up at Watarai walking beside me, our footsteps echoing together. He tilted his head curiously.

 

“What?”

 

“I think… no, I'm certain you've grown taller.”

 

“Eh? Me?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Well, I probably have, but how could you tell?”

 

“When I looked up at you, you seemed a little further away than before.”

 

We reached the stairs. I stopped and looked down at him after he'd descended one step ahead of me. So this was roughly what I looked like from his perspective. Perhaps he was a bit taller than that. I stood on tiptoe to adjust the height, and Watarai chuckled.

 

“It feels a little strange having you taller than me, Hioki.”

 

“Eh? Why? Personally, I'd like to be about the same height.”

 

“I prefer it when you look up at me from beneath your lashes.”

 

“…Is there really a demand for a guy looking up like that?”

 

“There is. You're my boyfriend, after all.”

 

An impish smile crossed his face. That boyfriend filter was pretty powerful. I followed him downstairs. From near the shoe lockers, I heard voices loud enough to be annoying.

 

“There you are! Finally!”

 

“Oi, you're late!”

 

“I'm seriously starving to death here!”

 

In front of the second-year shoe lockers, my badminton clubmates Tsujitani, Ino and Minase were beckoning impatiently. Nakazato, Hotta and Morizaki were there too. I'd thought they'd already gone home, so why were they still here?

 

“Oi, don't tell me you've forgotten?”

 

Noticing my confusion, Tsujitani sighed in exasperation.

 

“…Sorry. Forgotten what?”

 

“Whoa, seriously? We said we'd go for conveyor-belt sushi after school today!”

 

This time Ino raised his voice.

 

Sushi… Had we said that?

 

I tried to remember the day's events while putting my school sandals into my rucksack, but all that came to mind was what had just happened with Watarai. I looked at my clubmates for an explanation, but before they could give one, someone took my hand.

 

“Well, it's fine. Let's go now.”

 

Watarai looked down at me and smiled. At his agreement, Tsujitani pointed firmly towards the station.

 

“Right, let's go!”

 

Ino and Minase followed him.

 

“Actually, I've got my bike, so shall we meet in front of the station?”

 

“Let's all three ride on it!”

 

As the three of them hurried ahead, unable to bear their hunger, Morizaki glanced pointedly at the hands joined between Watarai and me.

 

“I don't mind, but try to know your limits.”

 

At his exasperated remark, I looked down as well. We'd held hands in front of everyone plenty of times before. But back then, there had always been a reason: I wasn't wearing my glasses, or I'd accidentally drunk alcohol, or something else. Oh, I see. When you're dating someone, you don't need a reason to touch them.

 

The thought made me smile, even though it wasn't really the time or place. I hurriedly covered my mouth with my free hand, but I couldn't seem to stop it. When I glanced at Watarai, our eyes met immediately.

 

“What's wrong?”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“I think I'm really giddy right now.”

 

I smiled sheepishly. Watarai looked surprised for a moment, then his mouth softened into a smile.

 

“Me too.”

 

So this was what happiness felt like. I lowered my hand from my face and smiled at him without restraint.

 

“Oi! Stop, stop! I can't take any more of this!”

 

“Don't forget we're here too! The atmosphere's so sickly sweet I'm going to throw up!”

 

Nakazato grabbed me, and Hotta restrained Watarai. I turned my head to look behind me. Nakazato, wearing a troubled expression, shook his head.

 

“Could you save that sort of thing for when we're not watching?”

 

“Sorry. I completely forgot everyone else existed. I could only see Watarai.”

 

“Oi, oi. Don't brag about your love life as naturally as breathing.”

 

He grimaced even more and let go immediately. I'd noticed that, despite everything, Nakazato had thoughtfully touched only my rucksack. He really was kind.

 

“But that's how it's going to be.”

 

Watarai, having adjusted his bag on his shoulder, spoke quietly.

 

“Of course I understand there are limits. But I don't intend to change how I treat Hioki, or how I treat you lot. If you don't like that, then…”

 

“Actually, that's my line.”

 

Morizaki interrupted when Watarai faltered. Both of us stared at him in surprise. He frowned wearily.

 

“I don't plan on changing how I treat you either. Besides, if it bothered me, I'd have put some distance between us a long time ago.”

 

Despite his words, Morizaki looked relieved. I wondered why he seemed as though a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Then Nakazato patted mine.

 

“He says that, but Morizaki was the one worrying about it the most.”

 

“He was fidgeting the whole time you two were away.”

 

Hotta smiled at us and joined Nakazato beside Morizaki. Watarai and I looked at each other and laughed with relief. Our footsteps felt lighter as we fell into step beside the three of them.

 

“Anyway, how many plates do you reckon we'll eat?”

 

“That table's going to be a sight.”

 

“Come to think of it, I can't remember how much money's in my wallet.”

 

“Can I renew my travel pass first?”

 

“I need to let my parents know too.”

 

We made our way towards the school gates, chatting just as we always had. I could hear Tsujitani, Ino and Minase calling out from further ahead. Around me were friends laughing happily. Beside me was the boyfriend who smiled so gently at me. High school was only a small part of life, but the days I'd spent with everyone this year would stay in my heart forever. Above all, the school trip that had started everything had become a special memory for me.

 

Feeling the spring breeze against my skin, I gently squeezed Watarai's hand. I hoped I'd never have to let go of that warmth.

 

---

 

This morning, I'd woken before the sun had risen. Inside the limited-express train heading for Tokyo, the rhythmic clatter of the carriage made me unusually sleepy. Even though the person I loved was sitting beside me, at some point my eyelids had closed. The strangely realistic dream brought back nostalgic memories from before I'd met Hioki. The first day of the new school year.

 

There wasn't a single close friend of mine in Class 2-5, where I'd been placed. It was so bad I almost suspected some kind of conspiracy. The first person I became friendly with was Nakazato. We'd happened to bump into each other at the shoe lockers, and our form teacher had asked us to carry some teaching materials. After we'd exchanged a few words, I quickly got a sense of his personality. Just as I'd heard during first year, he was charming and friendly. It was easy to understand why he was popular with girls.

 

“Morning!”

 

“Morning!”

 

On our way from the staffroom to the classroom, carrying materials for distribution, unfamiliar voices called to us from behind. We turned to find two boys I didn't know. They raised their hands towards Nakazato and greeted him again. They seemed to be his friends.

 

“…Wait, huh? Watarai… kun?”

 

“Eh, you know him? How? From where? His face?”

 

The two boys looked up at me, their eyes widening noticeably. Their gazes darted between us before settling on Nakazato, demanding an explanation. Nakazato beamed his usual friendly smile.

 

“We just became friends.”

 

“What? Why?”

 

“Why? We're in the same class. It's normal.”

 

“The same class…”

 

They repeated the words together, then clapped their hands as though remembering something.

 

“Oh, right! Class Five!”

 

“Whoa, seriously? Two of the Four Heavenly Kings have already met!”

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

Nakazato questioned the excited boy. The two exchanged awkward looks. I shifted the stack of booklets in my arms to disguise how numb my hands were getting. Perhaps taking it as a request to hurry, they began explaining.

 

“The Four Heavenly Kings is just what we've started calling you lot, but… you know, the four best-looking guys in our year.”

 

“The other two are Hotta and Morizaki. All four of you, including you two, have ended up in Class Five, so everyone's making a fuss!”

 

Hotta and Morizaki. Like Nakazato, they were names I'd heard often. Of course, we were in the same year, so I'd seen them around many times. As luck would have it, I ended up becoming friends with another of the boys everyone was talking about on that very first day. Morizaki sat beside me, but only on the first day of the new school year.

 

“We'll be collecting your report sheets, so once you've written your name… Students at the back, sorry, but please collect the sheets from your row.”

 

I took out my pencil case at our form teacher's instruction. From beside me came a “Hey.” Morizaki, whose eyes were lowered in apparent boredom, pointed at my pencil case.

 

“I forgot to bring a marker. Can I borrow yours?”

 

“Sure.”

 

I took the report sheet being passed around and quickly wrote my name. My hand, so used to writing last year's attendance number, tried to do its usual job. After writing a rather misshapen number, I stood with the sheet in hand and passed my marker to Morizaki.

 

“Here you go.”

 

“Cheers.”

 

Leaving him to move his pen across the page as though signing an autograph, I collected the report sheets, reading the names of my classmates as I went. Naturally, most were names I was seeing for the first time. As I puzzled over one I didn't know how to pronounce, someone handed me a blank report sheet. The quiet-looking girl in front of me had gone bright red and was staring down at her desk.

 

“You didn't bring a pen?”

 

“No… um…”

 

There wasn't even a pencil case on her desk. The girl sitting beside her looked rather strong-willed and was chatting happily with someone who seemed to be her friend. The students in front of and behind her were all boys. She probably hadn't been able to ask anyone.

 

“Morizaki, pass me my marker.”

 

I called to Morizaki, who had just stood up, and took the marker from him. When I offered it to the girl, she looked up in confusion.

 

“Eh? But… is that okay?”

 

“Go ahead.”

 

“Th-thank you…”

 

For some reason, she cautiously began writing on her sheet.

 

“…I should've pretended I'd forgotten mine and borrowed one too.”

 

“…Why not just ask the teacher?”

 

I heard those remarks coming from the direction of the confident-looking girl. If I could hear them, the girl borrowing my marker certainly could. Perhaps I'd only made things worse. Unable to do anything else, I waited for her to finish.

 

“Th-thank… you very much…”

 

Without lifting her gaze, the quiet girl held out the report sheet and marker.

 

“You're welcome.”

 

I accepted the neatly filled-in sheet and the marker and went to our form teacher. Even when I passed her seat again, her head remained lowered. Perhaps I really shouldn't have interfered. But I couldn't think of anything else I could have done.

 

“It's a little early, but let's head to the gym.”

 

Having finished counting the sheets, our teacher switched off the classroom lights. Chairs scraped against the floor as everyone rose. When I glanced towards Nakazato's seat, he noticed me, smiled and hurried over.

 

“I thought we'd have to introduce ourselves.”

 

His comment reminded me of this time last year. I wondered how things would work this year.

 

“Do second-years even do introductions?”

 

“Who knows? Depends on the teacher, I guess.”

 

Nakazato tilted his head, then smoothly looked towards the neighbouring seats, smiling in that friendly way of his again.

 

“You're Hotta and Morizaki, right? Nice to meet you. Let's get along this year.”

 

The two boys stopped in their tracks when he spoke to them.

 

“Yeah, nice to meet you.”

 

The classmate who answered with a refreshing smile was Hotta. Just as everyone said, he seemed a pleasant young man.

 

“Likewise.”

 

Only Morizaki's mouth curved into a smile. He seemed like someone who would take time to open up.

 

“Oh, Watarai. I borrowed your seat before homeroom. Sorry.”

 

“No problem.”

 

I smiled at Hotta's conscientious apology. Apparently, while Nakazato and I were carrying the materials, he'd sat in my seat and chatted with Morizaki. That tiny conversation became the beginning of the four of us spending our school days together.

 

“If you don't want to say, that's fine, but… have you got a girlfriend at the moment?”

 

After school on the first day of the new term, which had ended before lunchtime, we'd stopped at a fast-food restaurant to eat. Nakazato brought up the subject rather hesitantly. Despite his cautious tone, his lively eyes showed how interested he was. I looked at the other two to gauge their reactions. Hotta stole an awkward glance at Morizaki. I couldn't help the corners of my mouth lifting.

 

“Let's hear from Morizaki first.”

 

The moment I said it, his face clearly showed his displeasure. If he didn't want to talk, I'd ask Hotta instead. I shifted my gaze, and Hotta shrugged apologetically.

 

“He's only just escaped from an older, emotionally unstable girlfriend, so don't reopen the wound.”

 

“You've practically given us the answer already.”

 

I laughed. Morizaki looked even more annoyed. He crumpled the wrapper from his finished hamburger and glared at me.

 

“What about you, Watarai?”

 

“I broke up with mine last summer.”

 

I answered without making a fuss. Nakazato stirred the ice in his drink, which now contained nothing but water, and tilted his head.

 

“Oh, really? How long were you together?”

 

“Since the winter of our second year of middle school, so… about a year and a half?”

 

“Why did you break up?”

 

Hotta leaned forward. Nakazato and Morizaki also watched expectantly, waiting for me to continue. Even boys as popular as these were interested in other people's love lives.

 

“We just stopped being compatible.”

 

“Yeah, but I want to know why you stopped being compatible.”

 

Nakazato urged me on. What had finally decided it? As I talked to the three of them, my memories went back to middle school. My ex-girlfriend had confessed to me during the summer of our first year. I couldn't remember the details any more, but several of my friends were already dating, so I think I'd agreed without much thought. Middle-school relationships were innocent things. We either walked home together or visited the nearby shopping centre. It was all very ordinary.

 

The discomfort had begun after we'd entered high school. If someone asked whether it was fun, I'd have said I'd enjoyed our middle-school days more. Once she'd got a smartphone in high school, she insisted on taking countless photographs whenever we went out. And I didn't like what she used them for.

 

“Someone commented that we're the ideal couple!”

 

“I've reached ten thousand followers!”

 

Her delighted words seemed directed almost entirely at the versions of us on the screen. Every photograph we took when we went out was ultimately just a way to collect likes. Gradually, it felt as though she'd gone from loving me to loving herself for being in a relationship with me. The instant I realised that, my feelings cooled. I no longer wanted to be a prop used to satisfy her desires. When my patience finally ran out, I told her I wanted to break up last summer.

 

“So I don't think I'll be looking for a girlfriend for a while.”

 

I ended my story there. I'd wanted to forget it, and I hated that I still remembered everything so clearly. If I ever dated someone again, I wanted someone who would accept every part of me, rather than judging me only by their first impression or my appearance. With that quiet determination in my heart, the first day of the new school year came to an end.

 

A few weeks later, the incident that made me notice Hioki was something truly trivial.

 

“Student on duty, call the class to order… Wait, Hioki? For a moment I thought it said ‘student on duty’.”

 

Was it chemistry or earth science? No, perhaps biology. The teacher in charge glanced at the edge of the blackboard and made the remark casually. It had nothing to do with the lesson. The only point was that the Japanese characters for ‘student on duty’ and ‘Hioki’ looked similar. The entire class burst out laughing. I hadn't meant to make fun of him, but I was one of those who laughed.

 

“Ah, sorry, sorry. Now, settle down! We're starting the lesson.”

 

The teacher's voice rang through the classroom. Even then, my classmates kept chuckling and looking towards the seats at the front. Following their gazes, I noticed one student. So that was Hioki. From where I sat, all I could see was the round back of his head, but I imagined he must have looked disgusted.

 

…Poor guy. It was an almost detached thought as I turned back to the pages fluttering in the breeze. Poor guy. That was the first emotion I'd ever felt towards Hioki. A few days later, a committee meeting happened to run late. Not mine, but Hotta's and Morizaki's. Nakazato, who was on the same committee as them, had already left because he had something to do.

 

I went to the classroom to wait for the other two, but it seemed someone was already inside. I could hear several people talking. Perhaps they were excited, or perhaps they were naturally loud, because the boys' voices carried all the way into the corridor. I didn't feel like barging in, so I turned to leave.

 

“How about those famous good-looking guys?”

 

At the familiar topic, which I'd heard mentioned countless times, I stopped.

 

“What do you mean…? I've never spoken to them.”

 

The voice answering the unfamiliar boy was one I'd heard somewhere before.

 

“Well, Hioki's not the sort to approach people himself.”

 

“I heard the girl sitting next to him likes Watarai.”

 

Two other unfamiliar voices joined in. The name ‘Hioki’ reminded me of the student the teacher had teased. Perhaps the voice sounded familiar because we were in the same class.

 

“What's Watarai like?”

 

The boy who'd asked about the good-looking guys posed another question.

 

“Eh… Like I said, I've never spoken to him.”

 

Hioki sounded hesitant.

 

“Come on. Even a first impression's fine.”

 

My heart was pounding noisily. I had no idea what someone I'd never even spoken to might say about me. Would it be sarcasm? Would he talk behind my back? Or repeat some unflattering rumour? All I could do was stand outside the door and wait for him to speak.

 

“He seems kind… maybe?”

 

“Eh?”

 

His words startled a sound out of me. Fortunately, nobody inside seemed to hear it, and their conversation continued.

 

“Why?”

 

“Because he lent someone a pen, so he seems kind.”

 

Hioki answered the interested boy quite casually.

 

“Huh? I could do that too, you know? Anyway, I expected something a bit more interesting.”

 

“What sort of thing?”

 

“Like he's dating a famous influencer! Or one of his parents is a celebrity!”

 

“I wouldn't know.”

 

Although I was listening to their conversation, Hioki's voice was the only one that stayed in my ears. Kind, just because I'd lent someone a pen? What part of that was kind? Did he genuinely think so, or had he simply been unable to come up with anything else? Probably the latter. But I'd expected people to make snide remarks in situations like this. He had no obligation to speak well of me at all.

 

“Crap! If we don't hurry, we'll get told off!”

 

“They'll make us do a thousand practice hits or something!”

 

“It's because Hioki kept us waiting!”

 

“You were the ones asking me!”

 

The four boys rushed out of the classroom. Without noticing me hiding nearby, they ran towards the gym. I stepped into the now-quiet classroom, made my way between the crooked rows of desks and went up to the teacher's platform.

 

“Hioki… So his name's Asahi.”

 

I straightened the class register sheet and stared at the characters for ‘Hioki Asahi’, as though trying to burn them into my memory. It was the first time another boy had complimented my personality. And he'd barely even spoken to me. If the compliment had come from a girl, perhaps I'd have felt differently. I hadn't realised being praised by another boy could make me this happy.

 

Warmth slowly spread through my chest. Apparently, I was easier to win over than I'd thought.

 

“Why are you smiling to yourself?”

 

“Something good happen?”

 

While my opinion of Hioki was soaring, the voices of the two people I'd been waiting for reached me. When I looked up, Morizaki was frowning and Hotta was tilting his head.

 

“Something did, but I'm not telling you.”

 

I smiled at the one who complained and headed for the shoe lockers. That was when I began paying attention to Hioki, a boy whose only impression on me until then had been that he was teased by a teacher. It was when I first thought I'd like to be his friend, if possible. Perhaps becoming too absorbed in things that caught my interest was one of my bad habits.

 

I'd approached Hioki at first because I wanted to be friends. I'd never expected to develop feelings for him that were anything but friendship. His personality was that close to my ideal. If only I could date Hioki. The more I thought it, the more I wanted him to be mine. I wanted to win his heart before anyone else noticed the same qualities in him that I had.

 

It wasn't that I'd felt no resistance whatsoever to being attracted to another boy. I told myself it just so happened that the person I'd fallen for was male. The person who eased those worries was none other than Hioki himself. Men weren't part of his own romantic preferences either, and yet he put my feelings before his own. Even when alcohol had muddled his thoughts and made his speech slurred, he'd tried so hard to respond to my confession.

 

That made me love him all the more. Even now, I could hardly believe we'd become a couple. Sometimes I wondered whether it was all a dream. It had been like watching an entire film. At some point, the rhythmic clattering of the train had turned into background noise.

 

“Watarai, wake up.”

 

I lifted my head at the voice I loved so much. Hioki was looking at me worriedly.

 

“We're here… Were you crying? Are you feeling unwell?”

 

A gentle hand stroked my cheek. I placed my own hand over it and smiled.

 

“I might have been crying. Because I'm happy.”

 

“Eh? Why?”

 

A station chime sounded: ding-dong. I took the hand of the boy who was practically surrounded by question marks and rose from my seat. When we stepped onto the platform, I narrowed my eyes at the lively atmosphere, so different from anything we usually experienced back home.

 

“Let's enjoy ourselves. Our first date.”

 

I looked down at the boy I loved. Hioki's small, lovely eyes wavered, and he gave me a soft smile. A smile I probably never would have seen without everything that had happened between us. If Hotta and Morizaki's committee meeting hadn't run late. If I hadn't lent that quiet girl my pen.

 

If I hadn't suggested bringing Hioki into our school-trip group. Everything would have been different. Each small event had overlapped with the next, leading us here. I wanted to thank Hioki again and again for accepting me. I wanted to be a boyfriend he could proudly boast about.

 

The more I wanted, the more my love grew. I would never let go of this hand, for the rest of my life.