I ended up in a group I didn't get along with 

seaside

The plan we'd made for the beach during the school trip went ahead exactly as planned.

 

“We're here!”

 

“The sea!”

 

Nakazato and Hotta stretched as the salty breeze washed over them. When I lifted my head, the sight spreading out before me naturally filled me with excitement. Beyond the horizon, the setting sun hung in a distorted shape, staining the entire landscape red. The water glittered as it caught the light, as though diamonds had been scattered across its surface.

 

A cool sea breeze brushed against my cheeks. The sun was already setting, making it cooler than during the day, and there weren't many people around. In other words, it was perfect.

 

“I've always dreamed of eating this at the beach.”

 

Hotta opened the packet of bread he'd bought at the convenience store.

 

“Oh, isn't that the one Kana Hashigami eats in her advert?”

 

Nakazato pointed at the packaging. I'd seen that advert on television too. For some reason, it featured her eating a chocolate sandwich bun, which had absolutely nothing to do with the sea, with the ocean as a backdrop.

 

“I'll film it for you.”

 

Morizaki raised his phone.

 

“Right, here goes…”

 

Hotta took out his chocolate sandwich bun and turned towards the sunset. At that exact moment, a black object shot past his hand. It happened so quickly that all five of us stared wide-eyed. The culprit that had snatched his bread flapped its wings and soared high into the sky.

 

A black kite.

 

“AAAH! MY SUMMER THANK-YOU FESTIVAL, CHOCOLATE RIGHT TO THE LAST BITE, EXTRA-DELICIOUS DOUBLE-LAYER CREAM CHOCOLATE SANDWICH BUUUUN!”

 

Having finally understood what had happened, Hotta shouted the entire product name at the bird in a single breath. His voice disappeared across the sea. For a moment, there was silence. Then the five of us looked at one another and doubled over laughing.

 

“Ahahaha! Did you seriously just shout the full product name?”

 

“That's too cruel! It got stolen before you could even take a bite!”

 

“Hahaha! This is too funny! My stomach hurts!”

 

Everyone's shoulders shook, tears gathering in our eyes. Once I'd finally managed to catch my breath, another desire came to mind. That's right. I ought to do something beach-like while I was here.

 

Giving in to my rising excitement, I took off my sandals. The other four watched me curiously.

 

“What are you doing?”

 

“Since we've come all this way, I thought I'd at least put my feet in the water.”

 

I answered Watarai, whose eyes were still watery from laughing. Leaving my belongings and sandals behind, I headed towards the shoreline, enjoying the sensation of soft sand beneath my bare feet.

 

“Ah, shall I do the whole ‘Come and catch meee!’ thing?”

 

Nakazato kicked off his trainers and joined me.

 

“That's not what I'm doing.”

 

I laughed at his enthusiasm. Taking another step forward, a small wave slid across the tops of my feet. I took another step. Drawing a deep breath, I filled my lungs with the scent of the sea.

 

“Looking good, Hioki. You're like someone in a karaoke video.”

 

“…Is that supposed to be a compliment?”

 

I splashed some water at Nakazato's legs.

 

“Oh, you little—! That was the highest compliment!”

 

As though taking revenge, Nakazato bent down and splashed water at me repeatedly. The spray flew through the air and soaked my clothes. I'd been considerate enough to aim for his legs, but apparently Nakazato had no intention of showing me the same courtesy. Fine, then.

 

This time, I splashed harder. Unfortunately, the water hit him straight in the face. He shook his head vigorously, sending droplets flying everywhere. Rather than someone in a karaoke video, he looked like Watarai in a scene from a television drama.

 

“S-sorry!”

 

“It's fine, it's fine. Some got in my mouth, so I'm going to rinse it out.”

 

“I'm really sorry.”

 

“Ahahaha! Seriously, don't worry about it!”

 

Nakazato laughed heartily and headed back towards the beach. I was about to follow him when something glinted near my feet. A shell. I picked it up and held it towards the setting sun.

 

Bathed in the light, it sparkled beautifully. Suddenly overcome by the urge to collect more, I lost track of time searching for seashells.

 

“Hioki, we're doing fireworks. Come on.”

 

“Okay!”

 

I replied like a child, without actually moving. Looking up at Watarai, who had come to fetch me, I proudly showed him the shells I'd gathered.

 

“Look! Aren't they pretty?”

 

Watarai blinked, then smiled and nodded. I probably looked incredibly childish right now. Oh, well. I turned back towards the sand and reached for another shell I'd spotted out of the corner of my eye.

 

“Are you still collecting them? Come on, let's go.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

Although I answered, my hands didn't stop. A sigh sounded above my head. Then, before I could turn around, an arm wrapped around my waist and my body suddenly left the ground.

 

“Whoa! What are you—?”

 

The shells I'd been holding scattered across the sand.

 

“You won't listen, so I'm forcibly taking you away.”

 

“…Sorry!”

 

Watarai carried me across the sand without so much as stumbling. It had been ages since anyone had carried me like this. Wait, that wasn't the point.

 

“Am I not heavy?”

 

“No.”

 

Liar. Watarai was taller than me, but I didn't think there was much difference between our weights. Judging from what I'd seen on the school trip, I'd probably eaten the most out of all of us. I felt strangely hurt by my own thoughts.

 

Then I suddenly realised I'd asked the wrong question. I needed to get him to put me down.

 

“Um, you can put me down now…”

 

“Are you going to walk across the sand with wet feet?”

 

I imagined sand sticking all over my wet feet and immediately fell silent.

 

“You don't want that, do you?”

 

Watarai chuckled beside my ear. In the end, he carried me all the way to the foot-washing area. Once he'd put me down, Watarai rubbed his arms as though soothing them.

 

Well, he'd just carried a boy who weighed almost as much as he did. Of course his arms would hurt.

 

“Thanks for carrying me. Are you okay?”

 

“My muscles might ache tomorrow.”

 

“…Sorry. I'll lose some weight.”

 

My eyebrows drooped with guilt. For some reason, Watarai looked delighted.

 

“Does that mean you want me to carry you again?”

 

“Ah, no, that's not what I meant.”

 

“I'm joking. I'll get your sandals and a towel, so wash your feet first.”

 

“Oh, right, our things…”

 

I'd only just remembered them. Watarai stopped and answered proudly.

 

“Don't worry. I moved everything while you and Nakazato were playing.”

 

“As expected. You're making me fall for you.”

 

“You can fall for me.”

 

Watarai smiled again before turning and walking away. There was simply no competing with the number-one guy when it came to romantic-comedy developments.

 

“Must be nice, Hioki, having such a devoted fan.”

 

Nakazato tore open a packet of handheld fireworks with a loud rip.

 

“What's a devoted fan?”

 

I tilted my head at the unfamiliar expression. Hotta joined the conversation.

 

“It means he's only got eyes for you, Hioki.”

 

“And he doesn't want anyone else liking you either.”

 

Morizaki sighed as he glanced at Watarai.

 

“You understand me pretty well.”

 

The person at the centre of the conversation casually took a firework from Nakazato's packet and handed me one. I didn't really understand what they meant by a devoted fan or not wanting to share, but perhaps it was something like having a butler? That would suit him. We gathered around a bucket of water and lit our handheld fireworks.

 

Sparks in colours so vivid they seemed burned into my eyes poured towards the ground like golden waterfalls.

 

“Give me some fire too.”

 

Watarai brought the tip of his firework towards mine, passing the flame along like an Olympic torch relay. From Watarai to Hotta, from Hotta to Nakazato, and from Nakazato to Morizaki. The flame I'd started was passed on to all four of them.

 

“Ah, we've only got sparklers left.”

 

With five of us using them, the fireworks disappeared quickly. Hotta lowered his handsome eyebrows in disappointment as he held the five remaining sparklers.

 

“Why do people always save sparklers until the end?”

 

Nakazato flicked his lighter repeatedly.

 

“Isn't it something to do with appreciating the atmosphere?”

 

Morizaki put away the phone he was usually never without and watched the crackling sparks. One by one, the little balls of fire dropped into the sand. We watched silently until the very last one disappeared. It was over.

 

I threw the remains of the fireworks, now nothing more than scraps of paper, into the bucket.

 

“Shall we get something to eat?”

 

Nakazato's voice rang out, dispersing the slightly sentimental atmosphere. After quickly clearing everything away, we headed towards a beachside restaurant, drawn by the delicious smell of food. It seemed we could enjoy plenty of fresh seafood here. Prawns, oysters and other seafood were sizzling on grills all around us.

 

Just looking at them made me swallow unconsciously. By the time more than half the seafood on our plates had disappeared into our stomachs, a cheerful voice suddenly interrupted us.

 

“Oooh, you lads university students?”

 

“Come on, have a drink! Us old fellas will treat you!”

 

A group of middle-aged men carrying glasses and bottles of alcohol staggered towards our table. They were clearly quite drunk. Without asking, they began ordering platters of food, talking about their personal lives and generally interfering in our business.

 

“Uh, what should we do? Call someone from the restaurant?”

 

Nakazato dodged an arm one of the men tried to throw around his shoulders, his face twisting in discomfort.

 

“I'll go and get someone.”

 

Hotta immediately stood up. We left him to fetch the staff. Feeling thirsty, I picked up the glass nearest to me. I tipped it back and swallowed the contents in one go.

 

What I'd thought was water burned my throat so fiercely that it felt as though it might scorch its way through.

 

“Cough—!”

 

Without thinking, I spat out whatever liquid was still in my mouth. Glasses and plates clattered against one another on the table. Perhaps I'd knocked them with my hand. I understood that much, but the unfamiliar sensation was so overwhelming that all I could do was gag and cough.

 

“Hioki! Are you okay?”

 

“Did you drink alcohol?”

 

I could hear Watarai and the others shouting in alarm. The surrounding customers were murmuring too.

 

“Hioki, can you drink some water?”

 

Someone took the glass from my hand. Desperate to soothe my burning throat, I nodded repeatedly. A glass was placed in my hand, just as I'd requested. But even though it was supposed to be water, the memory of what had just happened made my fingers tremble.

 

“It's okay. It's water.”

 

Someone gently rubbed my back. Still struggling to breathe properly, I emptied the glass. My throat continued to feel strange, but at least it was a little better. I took several shallow breaths.

 

Then I hurriedly lowered my face. Wait, wasn't my face probably covered in tears and snot right now? The embarrassment alone was enough to make me want to cry again. Watarai, who had been rubbing my back the entire time, spoke.

 

“Hioki, are you okay?”

 

“Ah… t-tissue…”

 

I forced the words out through my stinging throat. I wasn't sure whether he'd understood me, but he placed a tissue in my hand exactly as I'd wanted. After tidying myself up as best I could, I drew a breath, hoping to cool my still-burning body.

 

“Why don't you go and rest over there? We'll clean this up.”

 

Morizaki, apparently unable to watch any longer, pointed towards a bench in the waiting area.

 

“Ah… I'll… But I… should… clean… the floor…”

 

I'd started speaking without thinking, and my sentence came out in disconnected fragments. I hurriedly stood to wipe the floor. For a moment, my vision seemed to distort. If Watarai hadn't caught my arm, I would have fallen flat on my face.

 

“It'll be too late if something happens. Come on, let's rest.”

 

Watarai took my hand firmly and began walking slowly.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

“…Probably.”

 

“Tell me if you feel ill.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

I let out a warm breath of relief at Watarai's kindness. I was so glad he was here. How long had I been sitting there? I'd expected my body to settle down, but an uncomfortable heat still lingered inside me.

 

My head felt strangely hazy too.

 

“Hioki, once you've calmed down, let's go and wash your face.”

 

I looked beside me. Watarai was watching me with a worried expression. For some reason, I wanted him to hug me. Was it because I felt anxious?

 

No, perhaps that wasn't quite it. I just wanted the warmth of another person. Watarai made me feel safe. If I asked him, would he hug me?

 

All sorts of emotions swirled through my barely functioning head. That's right. I could just blame it on being drunk. I leaned against Watarai, who was sitting turned towards me, and wrapped my arms around his broad back.

 

For a moment, Watarai's shoulders stiffened. But almost immediately, he began stroking my head. I liked it. I liked this feeling.

 

I liked being touched by Watarai.

 

“What exactly are we being forced to watch?”

 

“Alcohol's terrifying.”

 

“So Hioki's the clingy type when he's drunk, huh?”

 

I heard Morizaki, Hotta and Nakazato speaking above my head. I ignored their conversation as I rested in Watarai's arms. Then someone tapped my shoulder.

 

“Want to borrow my chest too?”

 

Turning only my head, I saw Nakazato holding his arms wide open. Watarai was already more than enough. But perhaps there was someone who could make me feel even calmer? Out of pure curiosity, I began to sit up.

 

A strong force immediately pulled me back.

 

“Hioki's coming with me to wash his face.”

 

The moment I heard those words, Watarai gently took my hand. I stood as he guided me, leaving the other three staring after us in bewilderment.

 

“Hioki, you really are drunk, right?”

 

As we walked along the beach in the fading light, Watarai gave me a searching look.

 

“…A little?”

 

“A little?”

 

“…I don't know. I've never drunk alcohol before.”

 

I still felt light-headed, but I thought I'd calmed down more than before. Probably.

 

“Am I… weird when I'm drunk?”

 

“No. You're cute.”

 

“Oh, okay.”

 

If I wasn't being weird, that was fine. I smiled. Watarai's eyebrows drooped as he gave a helpless little shrug.

 

“Yep, you're definitely drunk. Normally, if I called you cute, you'd either go quiet or deny it.”

 

“…Maybe.”

 

The words came out before I had time to think. Alcohol really was frightening. The washing area was nothing more than an outdoor tap. I splashed water into my mouth, rinsed it out, then washed my face.

 

Even though the water was only room temperature, it felt wonderfully cool. Was that because my body was still so hot?

 

“Finished?”

 

Perhaps worried because I was staring blankly at the drain, Watarai spoke. I nodded, my face still dripping wet. He held out a towel. It wasn't mine.

 

It was probably his.

 

“Can I use it?”

 

“Of course.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

I accepted the towel and buried my face in it. Naturally, it smelled like Watarai. When I remained like that without moving, he spoke again, concern colouring his voice.

 

“Are you okay? Do you feel like you're going to be sick?”

 

“…Ah, sorry. It's just that your scent makes me feel calm.”

 

“…You really do just say things like that without thinking.”

 

Watarai pressed a hand to his temple and let out a long sigh. Apparently, I'd upset him somehow.

 

“S-sorry… I'll wash this and give it back.”

 

“You don't have to… Ah, actually, maybe I will ask you to.”

 

“Okay.”

 

Pleased that he'd accepted my offer, I gripped the towel tightly. On our way back to the beachside restaurant, Watarai continued walking at my pace. I looked up at him and said what had been on my mind.

 

“Watarai, you're really kind.”

 

“…In what way?”

 

“Um, you don't get put off even when someone throws up?”

 

“Everyone would do the same.”

 

He looked away, sounding slightly sulky.

 

“…And you lend me your shoulder and hug me?”

 

“I only do that for you, Hioki.”

 

“Ahaha! What's that supposed to mean? At this rate, I won't be able to manage without you.”

 

“That's what I'm trying to do.”

 

His answer struck a perfect balance between sounding serious and joking. Once again, I couldn't understand what Watarai was thinking, so I asked another question.

 

“What are you going to do if I become completely useless?”

 

“I'll take care of you for the rest of your life. Personally.”

 

“So you want to stay with me forever?”

 

“…Well, I suppose that's what it means.”

 

Now I understood even less. After all, even if I somehow became a completely useless person, Watarai wouldn't gain anything from looking after me. Was there another reason? I desperately tried to think with my slightly less muddled brain.

 

Everything he'd done until now. His words. His expressions. I thought back over all of it.

 

“…Wait. Are you confessing your feelings to me?”

 

My ability to judge whether I should say something aloud had completely disappeared. The conclusion I'd reached was almost impossible to believe. Watarai, who had been answering me so eagerly until now, didn't respond straight away. Instead, his footsteps stopped.

 

I couldn't see his expression clearly. Even so, I could tell from the atmosphere. I'd hit the nail on the head. Watarai liked me.

 

In the distance, I could hear the gentle sound of waves retreating from the shore.

 

“This wasn't how I intended it to happen.”

 

Watarai finally opened his tightly pressed lips.

 

“Have you figured it out already, Hioki?”

 

“Eh… Ah, um… You… like me, Watarai? Is that right?”

 

“Yeah. And I mean romantically, of course.”

 

Watarai answered calmly, without hesitation. He smiled, but his expression looked more awkward than usual.

 

“…Sorry for putting you in such an uncomfortable position.”

 

His voice, tinged with sadness, faded as he turned his back on me. All I could do was watch his retreating figure. What should I do? I didn't want our relationship to fall apart here.

 

Not like this. What should I— No. I didn't have time to stand around thinking.

 

“Wait!”

 

I stepped forward and reached out. But my hand didn't reach him. My vision swayed, and the uneven sand made me lose my balance. I'd been so desperate to stop Watarai that I'd completely forgotten I'd drunk alcohol.

 

If someone captured this moment alone, I'd probably look like the least cool person in the entire world. But that was fine. As long as I could tell Watarai how I felt, I didn't care. My body tilted towards the sand.

 

But before I could fall, Watarai caught me and pulled me into his arms. Now that was the coolest thing in the world.

 

“Ah, um… Well, I've never liked anyone before, and I've never confessed to anyone or had anyone confess to me, so I don't really know anything about romance, but… I think everyone experiences love differently. So, um, even if you… Like me, Watarai wouldn't be disgusted or anything. In fact, I'd support you… Wait, that's a weird thing to say, isn't it?”

 

Clutching Watarai's arms, I desperately tried to put my feelings into words. He listened silently as I stumbled over every sentence.

 

“But I don't understand it yet… I don't hate it. I have fun with you, and I feel safe when we're together. I just don't know whether what I feel is romantic love.”

 

My vision blurred. Even so, I struggled to continue.

 

“I can't give you an answer straight away, but I'll do my best to figure it out. So until then… I want you to treat me the same way you always have.”

 

I felt as though I might drown in the unfamiliar emotions washing over me. The alcohol had completely ruined my ability to hold back tears. One slipped down my cheek.

 

“Thank you.”

 

Watarai smiled and gently wiped the corner of my eye.

 

“Hioki, you don't think my feelings for you are disgusting?”

 

I shook my head.

 

“Can I keep liking you?”

 

This time, I nodded slowly.

 

“Then— I don't have to hold back any more, do I?”

 

Watarai smiled happily and hugged me so tightly it almost hurt. My already overwhelmed brain completely short-circuited. Hold back? Hold back what?

 

“…You've been holding back?”

 

“Well, quite a bit.”

 

“When you say you don't have to hold back… What exactly do you mean?”

 

At my question, Watarai gazed at me with eyes as sweet as melted sugar.

 

“You understand that I like you now, right?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“And you just said you don't know whether you like me romantically, right?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Which means there's a chance you might come to like me that way, doesn't it?”

 

“…I-I suppose so?”

 

“Then all I have to do is show you just how much I like you.”

 

Overwhelmed by Watarai's intensity, I instinctively leaned backwards. Where on earth did that confidence come from?

 

“What about the possibility that I might end up disliking you…?”

 

“Not happening.”

 

He cut me off immediately.

 

“I'll confess to you properly another time.”

 

“…Okay, but—”

 

“You don't have to rush your answer. You can even reject me on graduation day if you want.”

 

There was still a year and a half until graduation. High school life seemed long, but it would be over before we knew it. I needed to find my own answer and tell Watarai before then.

 

“…I'll do my best.”

 

“That's supposed to be my line.”

 

Watarai laughed as he took my hand. With a gentle smile, he stepped forward as though a weight had been lifted from his shoulders.

 

“By the way, Hioki, you do strength training at your club, right?”

 

The sweet atmosphere from moments earlier disappeared completely as Watarai returned to his usual tone. Still struggling to adjust, I nodded in confusion.

 

“Y-yeah. It's part of our training routine.”

 

“…Maybe I should start too.”

 

“Why?”

 

“So that if you ever ask me to carry you again, I can lift you without any trouble.”

 

“Ah… I was joking about that, though.”

 

I couldn't help laughing at the serious expression on his face. Watarai glanced at me, then began considering a workout routine.

 

“Strength training means things like press-ups, right?”

 

“And sit-ups. My abs have finally started showing. Look.”

 

I lifted my shirt and placed Watarai's hand, which I'd been holding, against my stomach.

 

“What do you think?”

 

When I asked for his opinion, he stopped dead.

 

“Have you already forgotten everything?”

 

“Forgotten? What?”

 

“You do understand that I like you, don't you?”

 

“Y-yeah.”

 

“Shall I teach you what happens when you do something like that to someone who's attracted to you?”

 

Watarai narrowed his eyes as though scolding me. He stroked my stomach, then traced his hand along the contours of my body. The ticklish sensation made my skin twitch.

 

“…Aren't you going to resist?”

 

“Ah… Sorry.”

 

At my immediate apology, Watarai groaned and buried his face in his hands. He remained silent for a while. When he finally spoke, he pointed a finger right in front of my nose.

 

“First of all, once you're an adult, you're forbidden from drinking alcohol with anyone except me.”

 

“…Why? Even with people you know?”

 

“No. Absolutely not. I can't stand the thought. Even if you do drink with someone else, you have to contact me first.”

 

“…If I remember, I will.”

 

“That means you definitely won't… I suppose I can't make rules like that unless we're dating.”

 

Watarai muttered in a low voice and let out a heavy sigh. I felt as though he'd just said something rather extraordinary.

 

“A-anyway, let's get back.”

 

“…Yeah.”

 

His reply sounded dissatisfied, but he took my hand as naturally as ever. He was clearly in a terrible mood, yet the hand holding mine was gentle, and he adjusted his pace to accommodate my intoxicated state. Perhaps his brain and body operated independently. By the time we returned to the other three, it was almost time to catch our train.

 

“We barely got to talk.”

 

“All because of those drunk old blokes.”

 

Hotta and Nakazato complained as they stood up.

 

“It's fine. They paid for our food as an apology.”

 

“Eh? Seriously?”

 

At Morizaki's words, I glanced back towards the table where the group of men had been sitting. They'd already left.

 

“They said they were sorry and left some money.”

 

Hotta laughed loudly as he began walking towards the station. I felt a little bad about that. No, actually, I didn't. They were the ones who'd left their alcohol lying around without asking.

 

A lot had happened, but it had been fun. As I thought back over the day, I remembered the incident with Hotta's stolen bread and couldn't help smiling.

 

“Still drunk?”

 

Watarai, walking beside me, leaned down to look at my face.

 

“Who knows? I don't think the alcohol's completely worn off, but I'm fully aware of what's going on.”

 

I looked up at him and smiled. Watarai smiled back and affectionately ruffled my hair.

 

“You were cute when you got all clingy, too.”

 

“…Thanks, I guess.”

 

I fixed my hair and offered a token expression of gratitude. I'd thought I'd grown used to Watarai complimenting me, but after his confession, it somehow felt different. However, there was something I still didn't know at the time. Watarai's affection for me went far beyond anything I'd seen so far.