ᕼEᗰᑭ ᖇOᑭE

The pool in my memory.

Phawin was the middle child of a Chinese-Thai family, living in a big house with his grandparents, siblings, and cousins. He looked after his cousins since he was a kid, including a little brother years younger than him and an older brother. That was why he grew up looking after everyone around him and never had time for himself.

 

Whatever he owned was given to his siblings. Thus, Win wasn't attached to anything. Up until high school, Phawin started to think about what could fulfil him. He got himself a big bike with the money he earned from helping out in his family business, doing bookkeeping, and earning a bunch of A grades for his mother.

 

The bike was something Win cherished. No one ever got to ride with him, not even family members. But still, it wasn't enough. He started looking further. Then he found joy in tattoos, hair-dyeing and ear piercings. When he entered university, he moved into a dorm and lived a fun life with his close friend. Yet despite his all-out happy smiley face, he was still empty inside.

 

"Hia Win." Wiew, his little brother, scuttled into the room with an armful of textbooks. Apparently, he was going to ask Win to teach him for the upcoming exams, like usual.

 

"Again? Tee lek', you always run to Win every time for every test." Waan, the oldest child in the family, moved his glass with an exasperated look.

 

"Hia Waan, if you cannot help me, why do you have to complain?"

 

"Oh, you."

 

"Stop!" Win interposed between his two brothers. 

 

"Hia, you go play your game. And you have a meeting tomorrow; have you read any papers yet?" 

 

Win chided his big brother, who was a real otaku gamer on days off but a real businessman on weekdays. Waan helped their mother run a hotel and resorts in affiliation.  At work, Waan was a big thinker. After graduation, he'd successfully helped the business grow with three more branches of their hotel and resort. His good performance yielded an investment.

 

Waan made a face. "Man! Today's a holiday. How about you graduate quickly? I'd appreciate it if you could then attend the meeting in my stead. I'm so sick of it." 

 

But before he got himself more comebacks, he slipped away without saying a word, so he could just play games.

 

"And you, tee lek. I told you to start studying. With all these books, you haven't read anything, have you?" Win turned to chide his little brother. 

 

***[Tee lek: Tee is used to address younger males in Thai-Chinese households. Lek means small. Tee Lek addresses the youngest brother.]***

 

Wiew wasn't small, but he snuggled against him. It was cringey sometimes, but Win never changed; he couldn't say no to people.

 

"Hia Win is nice," Wiew shot multiple compliments but got a pen smack on his forehead.

 

"I'm only nice to some people." He ran his hand over annoying golden locks falling over his eyes and tied them back into a low bun.

 

"Well, aside from our family, I'd like to know who else you will be nice to."

 

The sharp eyes glanced at his brother again. An evil smirk played on his lips, creeping out even to his little brother.

 

"I’m nice to everyone who calls me 'Hia.”

 

Maybe someday he'd meet someone to fulfil his ordinary life.

 

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The swimming club today bustled with students. The club president had called for a meeting about an upcoming event. The club members from the first and second years sat here and there, talking among themselves. Phawin browsed through the papers, discussing the day and time with a coach and the club president one last time before turning to all the youngsters and waving for them to quiet down. 

 

Dean Ratthanon, the swimming club president, stepped forward, his greyish-green eyes scanning everyone before reasserting that everyone shut up.

 

"As you all know, an open house event is coming up in a few weeks. Our club decided to..." Dean looked exasperated, like he hated to say it.

 

"Dunk tank boys."

 

"Phfeeeew!"

 

First-year students' laughter was boisterous. They applauded in satisfaction, as they were the ones voting for it. The president's fed-up expression made it even better.

 

"Yeah, laugh it off, you first-year students." Win smirked and added, "It was a majority vote and decided with a coach." Win drawled,

 

"Dunk tank boys will all be first-year students."

 

"What!"

 

"How come!?"

 

A loud dispute replaced laughter, but quickly went quiet when the club president glared daggers. Dean exhaled and continued, "We have two sections. We have 12 students in the first year; each group of six takes a shift. The second-year students will organise the booth and prepare the necessary materials. Third-year students will supervise the club, help resolve any on-site issues, and act as lifeguards when needed. Disburse a budget with the vice president."

 

"First-year students, write me a list of names according to your shift." Win passed a paper to the students, looking around before pausing at the familiar face. Team was chatting away with his friend, paying no attention.

 

"Team, you hand me the paper when the name list's done." Team was startled and made a face, muttering about being tasked.

 

"Yes, sir!"

 

"Next, we'd have a swimming competition among universities in the next four months. We need a representative to compete with K University." Dean turned over the paper to check the timetable. 

 

"In the next two weeks, we'll have a tryout among us to pick the best representative. First- to fourth-year students may participate for their experience. I'm expecting all the first-year students to take part in the tryout."

 

Now the talking got even louder than before. It was the first official qualifying for first-year students. Some got excited, some thought they would do it just for fun, while some got nervous about it. Team's eyes lowered to his feet, and the smile faded. His heart felt heavy, as if he were sinking into the freezing pool.

 

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"Come on, let's get into the pool."

 

"But there's no adult around. Better not."

 

"It's ok, it's just shallow water."

 

"Hmm...ok"

 

"Let's race."

 

"Team, you're so fast."

 

"You're just slow."

 

".. Ugh."

 

"Cough"

 

"Help."

 

"Dad, cough, Mom."

 

"Phi, cough. Help."

 

Cold water seeped into his skin. It went through his nostrils and throat. His arms and legs went limp as he drowned, like an invisible hand dragging him further down.

 

He couldn't breathe

He was suffocating

Help!!

Gasp!!

 

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Team's sweaty body shot awake, eyes wide in the dark room. His hand crumpled on his uniform. He heaved a sigh and grabbed his cellphone to check the time—two in the morning.

 

"Damn."

 

He grouched under his breath. He failed to shower after returning from university, which might explain why he dreamed about things he wanted to forget. But everything was made harder to forget when you wanted to.

 

Plink.

Plink.

 

The droplets coming from a leaky faucet were the loudest sound in the room.

How cold was the bottom of the pool?

 

At two in the morning, when everyone was asleep, one room kept its lights on until the new dawn arrived.

 

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"Pharmmm, I'm hungry. What's for breakfast?"

 

The swimming club freshman who ate no less than anyone sprinted towards the table in front of his faculty. He dropped himself into the chair, greeted his friends, and shot the expected look at Pharm.

 

"Fried Rice with Mackerel Chilli Paste." The portable restaurant was still operating at full capacity. Pharm handed him a large Tupperware and sat with a chin propped up, watching how much Team enjoyed it.

 

"You eat so much, Team."

 

Team lifted his eyebrow before swaying his head from side to side. "Can't be helped. I need lots of energy. I have a swim workout this evening."

 

Manow watched them talk, her hands opening Team's puffy bag, finding two packets of potato chips. She was quick to voice it.

 

"Don't tell me your dinner is these two bags of chips."

 

Team shook his head. "Two are not enough. Those are for snacks. I'll get some bread at noon."

 

Manow exchanged a worried glance with Pharm. Pharm began to think whether he should cook dinner for Team too. The girl flipped the potato bag in her hand. "You always eat this flavour. Aren't you going to try other flavours like chilli paste, seaweed or carbonara?"

 

Fwup

The potato chips man put down his Tupperware and snatched a packet back to promote it.

 

"You two know nothing. Original is the best, and it must be the thin slice where you can get a full taste of it—flavorful, crunchy and savoury on the tongue.

 

Manow sighed, then turned to her cellphone while Pharm rolled his eyes and gestured for Team to quit it. Pharm passed him a small box of steamed banana cake. "Here's your dessert."

 

"You're so niceeee!!" Team pounced on Pharm, but before he could start eating, another box of dessert was handed to him. Team lifted his brow, pretending not to understand.

 

"Team..."

 

"Hmm?" Team continued chewing on his food.

 

"Teammm." Pharm nudged the box closer to him.

 

"Alright, alright. For the swimming club president, isn't it?"

 

"No!! For the swimming club!!" Pharm argued with a red face. 

 

"Not just for P'Dean but for everyone." Team blurted out, laughing. Teasing his friend was entertaining. Pharm, oh Pharm, you'd be embarrassed to death before you could end up with P'Dean.

 

After the sun glared bright orange across the sky, it morphed into an inky dark. The swimming club members readied for an audition. The university's standard-sized pool, which had been divided into tracks, was now brightly lit by a large spotlight. Club members were bustling around. The sound of water rippled to the rhythm of arms swinging, mingling with the coach's whistle.

 

Today, the club's president took an early leave. The vice president took his place to assist the coach, jotting down the kids' records. Phawin noted down their timings once they completed a thousand-meter race, member after member. All their timings were quite similar; no one stood out. Then came the first year's top-notch member who touched the pool coping. His timing made Win frown.

 

"He's much slower." The coach looked at his watch.

 

"Yes, he's normally much faster," Win said, checking Team's record. He had no idea why the time was surprisingly slower.

 

Attentive eyes watched Team as he pushed himself out of the pool. Team walked up to his towel to dry his face before smacking it on the fence, seemingly fuming. No usual smile on his face; it was just bitterness. Then he got back into the pool to swim again, but his timing never got better.

 

Slam!

The locker door slammed open. It was late, and other club members had gone home, leaving only one last bitter person from the bath.

 

"If you broke the locker, you'd pay two thousand."

 

Team's hand paused as he was reaching for his clothes. He knew who it was without turning.

 

"I'm sorry."

 

A strained but polite tone raised Phawin's suspicion. He walked in on his junior and grabbed his chin to force eye contact.

 

"What's wrong?"

 

"Nothing. Nuh. Let go, Hia." Team cried in frustration, trying to swat a large hand but to no avail. Win kept his eyes on him until Team felt uncomfortable and distrustful. Wait, he only had a towel wrapped around his waist. Team wasn't quite ready when a face known for international tee shifted closer to him. His guts told him to back away; he was flattened against an open locker.

 

"Hia!" What if he smacked the guy with a potato chip packet and ran away?

 

"Your under-eyes are dark." Win's fingers touched the dark circles under Team's eyes. Team stopped short, touching below his eyelids. After he was shaken awake, he hadn't slept until morning.

 

"How many hours did you sleep last night?"

 

"Four hours, it was enough."

 

Phawin frowned harder; he wouldn't let this slip. "Let me ask again. What time did you go to bed?"

 

Team's eyes lowered to the ground. He felt so conscious that he wanted to hide somewhere.

 

"Ten at night..."

 

"Ten at night. You said you slept for four hours. Don't tell me you woke up at two in the morning and didn't sleep the rest of the night."

 

Team's jaw dropped, amused by how quickly Win concluded things. He couldn't argue, especially when the truth was out. He stayed quiet. Win narrowed his eyes. He let go of the kid and dropped onto the nearby bench.

 

"Get changed. You'll sleep in my room tonight."

 

"What?!"

 

"Don't ask questions. Get changed before I help you," Win gestured to pull the towel away, making Team jump.

 

"No!!! Geez! What the hell, Hia!?" Team was confused but quickly got changed, then he was dragged back to his dorm.

 

The room 1019 occupied by one student now had a visitor. Team stood, turning left and right, not knowing where to place himself. Team changed into pyjamas in his room before Win dragged him up to the tenth floor. Team was shocked that Win's room was right on top of his. There wasn't much in Win's room. The reading table sat with textbooks, arranged in an orderly manner. On the bookshelves were motorcycle and car model magazines, along with large foreign textbooks. Hia isn't top-notch by luck but truly by hard work!

 

"Quit fooling around. Come sleep." The room's owner changed into his pyjamas after washing his face. They bathed at their club, so they skipped that.

 

"It's only eleven at night."

 

"Ai Team..." The voice got lower.

 

Team lunged onto the queen-sized bed and pulled the blanket up over himself, obediently to avoid the risk of being kicked. Phawin shook his head and went to switch off the lights. He climbed onto the bed and lay beside the younger man, who made himself as small as possible on the other side.

 

"Move closer. What the hell are you afraid of? We've been closer."

 

Team kicked him in the shin under the blanket. That kind of banter was what freaked him out.

 

"Go ahead and sleep. I won't touch you." The older man backed down. Just a word or two, Team was already baring his teeth, readied to assault him. Pushing too hard would do more harm than good.

 

After almost an hour, the dispute died down, replaced with a hum from an air conditioner. The unfamiliar smell and the coolness from an air conditioner made Team huddle with a pillow. The exhaustion from swimming practice took over, and he fell asleep easily.

 

Between a thin line of being awake and in a dream, an image of a blue pool reflecting shadows in the ripples under sunlight, the cold water. Team tensed before he bolted awake, but something warm encircled him. It was gentle. It washed away the cold water. An incoherent whisper hummed against his ear.

 

Team dozed off again with a faint smile. The cold water against his skin turned warm today, welcoming and gentle.