HEMP ROPE

I’ll be back soon.

 

Phawin parked the car in front of a small house just outside the city. The house was a two-story cement structure; next to it was a small vegetable plot covered with a blue anti-insect net. The man got out of the car and picked up all the souvenirs he had brought from Bangkok.

 

"You bought too much."

 

Team nagged about it when Win carried food baskets and quite a few nourishing foods for the elders into a car. Win couldn't help it. Last week, Team texted him, saying he'd like Win to come along with him when he visited his hometown.

 

Win had a small smile, happy that Team invited him along. He had no idea how Team would introduce him to his family, but he knew one thing. Team thought of him first when he was worried about something; he took Win as his safe zone. They took off at night, driving for hours on a long way. While Win drove more to avoid car sickness, they switched and took frequent snack breaks until they reached Team's house at eight in the morning.

 

"Let me help you. Are you sleepy?" Team came in to help with baskets of souvenirs. His shoulder held a backpack with their clothes inside.

 

"Nope. I'm wide awake. Are your parents up this early in the morning?" Phawin whispered, trying not to be too loud. Team opened the gate and led his senior inside. He chuckled at the big guy's nervousness.

 

"They wake up early, at four or five in the morning. Dad always get up to see the veggie plot." Win pointed to a small plot full of yummy-looking greens.

 

The young man was about to put his key in when the door opened, and there was a lanky, dark-skinned middle-aged man behind it.

 

"Oh." Both of them said at the same time. Team gave a wai.

 

"Dad, hello." Phawin hesitated before he put down the things and did a wai to pay respect to his junior.

 

"You're so early." Team's dad accepted the greetings before holding his big son. 

 

"You've grown up. Got taller?"

 

Team was a bit stunned before returning a hug and smiling. "I'm two centimetres taller. I need it to be a hundred and eighty."

 

"Are you hungry? When Mom knows you're coming home, she wakes up early to prepare skillet eggs, congee, fried dough sticks and soybean milk. Go take a look." 

 

The father patted his son's back and let him run into the house. Then he turned to help Win, who was standing awkwardly.

 

"Come. I'll give you a hand."

 

"It's okay, uncle. I got it." Phawin tightened his grip on his backpacks and baskets as he followed the elder into the house. He had once told Team not to panic when meeting Win's parents. Win found he was no different when it was his turn.

 

"Oh dear, you've bought so many things."

 

As soon as he stepped into the house, a soft voice greeted him immediately. A thin, kind-hearted-looking woman with fair skin like a northerner rushed in to help carry things.

 

"Hello, Auntie." Win still found himself awkward, trying to raise his hands to wai, but they were weighted down by things he carried.

 

"Hello. You kids must be exhausted from driving. Team, why don't you help Phii?" She turned to her son, who was pouring water into a cup. Win shook his head. "It's okay. Where should I put them?"

 

"At the dining table, dear." She said before turning to lightly smack her son's shoulder. "I can't believe you."

 

"He wouldn't allow me to." Team made a face, holding that cup to Win. "Here, Hia. Drink some water; you only had coffee all the way here. You'll dehydrate."

 

Phawin smiled thankfully. As he drank, he stole a glance at the family in front of him. They looked so close he couldn't believe a severe incident had happened where they had lost a part of their family forever.

 

"Dad, Mom, this is Hia Win," Team introduced, pausing briefly before continuing, "My swimming club's senior."

 

['Uncle: Used to address older men regardless of relationship.] 

 

The two adults accepted Win's wai one more time. Win smiled openly, without discomfort or any hint of frustration about the introduced status. Team dared not look him in the eyes.

 

"Go say hi to your brother." Team's mom said, pointing up to the second floor. Team tensed, then he nodded and held Win's hand as they walked up the second floor together.

 

"This is my room." Team pointed to a wooden door right to the stairs. In front of his door were faded colored robot stickers and the word [Team] in scribbles.

 

"And here," Team pointed to another room opposite. "My brother's room" There were the same scribbles on the door, but with [Ton]. Team gently touched these marks. His memories are sealed in the objects around him.

 

"P'Ton wrote these himself, like the one on my door. Here... Hia. I’ll introduce you to my brother."

 

The door to Ton's room slowly opened with a loud squeaking noise from an old wooden board, as if time in this room had stopped 8 years ago.

 

Inside the room, there was a small bed covered with bed sheets patterned with a boyish superhero design. There was a wardrobe and a writing desk stacked with school supplies and comic books neatly placed. The walls were lined with swimming medals.

 

Phawin studied the medals with interest. There were provincial youth competitions and many more, but what stood out was the shelf in the middle. On it sat a picture of a tan-skinned boy, grinning from ear to ear, gold medal in hand. Next to it was a fresh jasmine garland. The sweet scent indicated it had been placed recently.

 

"This is P'Ton, my brother." Team lit two incense sticks, one for himself and another for Win to pay respect to the deceased. After that, Team smiled at the picture before greeting.

 

"Hey, P'Ton, how are you? Sorry, I haven't shown up for almost a year." Team's joyful voice shook slightly. He blinked away before stopping as he felt the touch of a warm hand intertwining with his.

 

"I'm... I'm better, brother... went to see a doctor. I am still stressed out about the competition, but I sleep better and dream less of that incident. Oh, right, I recently got you a gold medal. I'll put it here." Team said, smug like a little boy trying to outdo his older brother.

 

"My university is great. I've met a lot of friends. One of them is Pharm. He's so damn cute and so good at cooking. I'd like you to try his food. And Manow, she's like my second mother. My friends at the club are hilarious. Think about it, their names are A, Bee, Sea. What a coincidence," Team was chatty, and Win had to smile in affection.

 

"And..." Team squeezed his lover's hand tighter and turned to look him in the eye. " I have a boyfriend..."

 

The young man's smile reached his eyes. "This is my boyfriend, Hia Win...if you were still here, you'd probably be his friend in the club."

 

"P' Ton..."

 

"I've found my safe zone."

 

Before leaving, Team placed the medal next to his brother's frame and raised his hands to wai again. A promise to win another medal was made. Lastly, Win searched his bag for a piece of candy and offered it to his brother as a bribe to distract his competitors in the next swimming competition.

 

"I can't believe you." Phawin nudged lightly at the brat. "What sort of wish was that, asking your brother to pull at your competitors' legs?"

 

"Oh, Hia. Honestly speaking, I need whatever it takes to win." Team laughed

 

After breakfast and seeing Team's parents off to work, Team became a provincial guide for Win. They paid respects and asked for blessings at temples, hiked up the mountain for a breathtaking view, ate delicious northern food, enjoyed coffee and snacks at a chic café and visited Team's primary and secondary schools.

 

"Team, I don't get it." The big guy with a heart as small as a Chihuahua's stood frozen. "Hia, this isn't a haunted house." Team smiled faintly.

 

They were at the same spot for fifteen minutes as Phawin's legs seemed to cramp in front of the wax museum. As it was a weekday, there were hardly any visitors, leaving only the two of them on the premises. They had fun seeing things up until here, where Phawin's face turned as pale as the wax itself.

 

"If we don't carry on, we won't be covering the whole area, Hia."

 

"But if they moved..."

 

"Then we run, sir." Team deadpanned.

 

"Teammmmm." Win would have rolled on the floor if he could.

 

The scaredy-cat scanned the area, and the museum suddenly felt so deserted to him. Team sighed. He put himself in front of the other and offered his hand.

 

"Here." Phawin looked at the proffered hand with reluctance. Then he took it and squeezed it tight.

 

"Close your eyes if you're scared. I'll lead." Team reassured him with a gentle voice.

 

Win ended up following his lover, smiling every time Team squeezed his hand lightly. It was like a reminder that they'd be next to each other. Fear was made-up, but the warmth in front of him...Was real.

 

Coffee with orange juice tasted so refreshing to Win after his adventure in the museum. Phawin leaned back on the soft cushions in a cafe not too far from the city. He looked at Team enjoying fresh butter croissants sprinkled with icing sugar and thinly sliced almonds. Team realised he was being stared at, and he raised his eyebrows in question.

 

"Good?"

 

"Delicious, wanna try?"

 

The rascal cut a croissant into pieces and held it in front of Win. If his ears weren't mistaken, he thought he heard some girls in the cafe squeal.

 

"Hurry up, Hia. Don't leave me hanging."

 

The man took one piece of bread and chewed with a smile. Team had never shown its affection in public; this was a surprise.

 

"I'm sorry, Hia." Team apologised in a low voice, as if he knew what was running through Win's mind.

 

"What for?"

 

"For not telling my family what you are to me."

 

Phawin went still for a moment before holding Team's fist under the table.

 

"Coming out is a sensitive issue. Not everyone wants to do it.  We never know how people would react; your fear is understandable, and it's your right. Don't force yourself." He gently patted the back of his lover's hand. "I already appreciate you never getting mad at me for public display of affection."

 

Win was still as kind as usual, but now Team knew it was a reserved kindness just for him. The young man pursed his lips. He raised his other hand and placed it on the back of the large, warm hand.

 

“I'm ready to weather difficult storms with you, Hia. But I need time regarding my parents." It was too complicated to disclose their relationship at this time.

 

"Mhm, I can wait."

 

"Thank you, Hia."

 

Phawin looked at his lover's dejected face. He smiled softly before snapping a finger at Team's wrinkling forehead. "Don't overthink. Eat up before it gets bad."

 

Team nodded and focused on eating and sharing it with his senior. He'd have been embarrassed then, but now he knew better about what he should care about: the one who was by his side no matter what. 

 

Though Team did not announce his relationship, this small act of affection filled Win with unbridled joy.

 

The night sky, far from the city, seemed prettier. The two big guys were gazing at the stars, cuddling together on a mat at the house's front porch.

 

"Lots of stars here."

 

"But we can't be here for too long, Hia. Mosquitoes." Team interrupted. Phawin rolled his eyes. He grabbed a mosquito repellent and, sarcastically, sprayed it on Team's legs and arms.

 

Team laughed; he was the one saying they do this stargazing since the sky was open and clear. His parents were already asleep.

 

"Hey, Hia."

 

"Huh?"

 

"I think I'll tell Mom and Dad everything." Phawin raised his eyebrows and turned over to lie on his stomach to make eye contact with his boyfriend.

 

"What is that about?"

 

"About my symptoms. About what I've always worried since l was little until now."

 

The man curled his lips into a smile. He reached out his hand and gently pinched the other's nose.

 

"Attaboy." It was a good start for someone who'd been worried for nearly ten years.

 

"And..."

 

Team held a large hand, busying with his face to kiss on the tips of his fingers. 

 

"There's one more thing I haven't told you."

 

Branches moved audibly, caught in the night breeze. Team looked at Win. "T'm...not really a dad and mom's child."

 

Team kept peppering Win's hand with kisses, as if asking for support. "My biological parents had a car accident when I was five years old. My uncle and aunt took me in." Win's eyes burned. "My current mother is my auntie. My memory's fuzzy. But what's clear in my memory is Mom and P'Ton's embrace."

 

A warm hug on the day Team was left alone. He was a new older brother who adored his younger sibling with all his heart.

 

"As far as I know, no one wanted to adopt me then because it was a burden. I had no relatives on my father's side. Mom said that P Ton was the one who ran to hug me and told Mom and Dad to take me home."

 

A seven-year-old kid tried to pamper his little brother by feeding him and giving him water, and soothing him to sleep. "But..but I was the cause of their son's death.." The tears he'd been holding back fell.

 

"So ungrateful. It's like I stole P'Ton's family as my own." Team's voice turned hoarse, sobbing.

 

"Shh, it's okay." Phawin pushed himself up and wrapped his arms around the junior's trembling body. He pressed his lips to Team's forehead and face, now red with regret.

 

"It was an accident"

 

Team nodded and sobbed. "I know, but... ugh." He buried his face in Win's dampened shoulder.

 

Phawin let his boyfriend cry his heart out, giving him time for the overwhelming grief. To let go of all the pain he'd been holding all these years.  He wondered if this kid had ever vented all these feelings to anyone before they met.

 

Win waited until the sobs lessened. He rubbed Team's slightly trembling back, soothing him. "Have you ever told the doctor about this?"

 

Team's head shook back and forth. "You should try, when you're ready." He kissed the wet cheek and wiped away Team's tears. "If you're afraid, I'll come with you."

 

Team sobbed and nodded fervently.

 

"Good boy."

 

Win sat up and let Team rest in his arms. Amidst the starry sky and the cold wind blowing softly on their skin, Phawin's embrace provided warmth in the blanket's stead for Team's broken heart, as they picked up the pieces. One day, it'd definitely get better.

 

After reaching their vacation quota, Team decided to tell his parents what had happened to him. He'd done enough crying, so his focus on telling the whole story didn't waver, save for a slightly quivering voice. His guilt of being the cause of his beloved brother's death. He feared being shunned and pushed away by his parents. And his ongoing mental health sessions from his past trauma.

 

"I'm sorry."

 

As the last word rolled off his tongue, Team raised his hands to wai the two elders. He lowered his head in fear of meeting their eyes and the disappointment on them.

The silence ensued, numbing his body from head to toe. Team bit on his lips, trembling with fear. Or would he... no longer have a family?

 

Fwup

In the warmth of the elder's tight embrace, the tears he'd been holding back streamed down his face. "Dad." Team sobbed. "Dad.."

 

"You stupid kid." His father tightened his arms around him. "What gave you that idea?"

 

A gentle touch on his damp cheek made Win turn to his mother. Her eyes turned red as she stroked his cheek. "We love you like our own son."

 

Team swallowed his sobs and turned to wrap his arms around his mother into a group hug, burying his face in his mother's small shoulder, breathing in the scent of his childhood.

 

"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry."

 

"I know, child." Her hands, roughened from work, patted his head.

 

"It's all in the past now. Mom and Dad have gotten over those feelings. Team..." She cupped her child's cheek to look him in the eye. "And you, child, have you gotten over the guilt?"

 

"Mom..."

 

The mother helped clean her son's face and settled him on a couch. She turned to thank a big guy who was staying close to her son's side. "Thank you for looking after him, Win." Phawin gave her a gentle smile. "It's alright." As if Team returned to his childhood self, he held onto his parents' hands tightly.

 

"Dad, Mom...were you very mad at me then?" 

 

The father smiled faintly, and his one hand swayed his son's head from side to side. 

 

"Of course I was. We were so mad you two got yourselves into such a risky situation. So mad we couldn't even look at you." The mother nodded, seconding her husband's words. She was out of her mind, furious at herself and the kid in front of her. She couldn't look Team in the eyes for months.

 

"It'd be a lie if we said we weren't, but that was a long time ago. We've learned to let it go." She smiled at her son again. "We don't want you to carry the guilt for the rest of your life."

 

It was an accident, a tragedy caused by adults' carelessness. The father gently slapped the back of his son's hand. "Live your life well. Be happy. That's all we want from you. Don't blame yourself anymore, understood?"

 

Team nodded as if a weight he'd been carrying had been lifted off his shoulder. He might not be able to straighten himself now; his body had gotten used to grief too much. But he believed time would allow him to stand strong and move forward.

 

"Ok, you feel better now?" His mother leaned in to hug her son again, patting his back. "Good things will happen to you from now on."

 

"Thank you, Mom."

 

"How about we start with the first one?" The father chuckled, making the two boys arch their brows. The mother grinned; her cheeks went red. She took something from her bag and showed it to her son.

 

"I'm having a baby."

"Eh!!!!" Team and Win exclaimed.

 

Team scrambled to react. He shuffled his gaze from his father to his mother, then to an ultrasound film. "Eh? Wait, a baby...you're pregnant?"

 

His jaw dropped open. What a big surprise.

 

"Since we lost Ton, it took me two or three years to find my footing. We tried to have a baby, but it never worked out." His mother heaved a sigh. "We went to a doctor when we turned forty. We did everything. Dad said we shouldn't have one when we turned forty-five. It seems this child has come, right on time." 

 

She rubbed her flat belly with overwhelming love. The father smiled and puffed out his chest with pride. "Though we're in our forties, Mom is still healthy. Even the doctor praises her. And I'm still fit; we can raise this child."

 

"I'll help!" Team instantly offered. He felt his heart was about to burst out of his chest. "...'ll help look after my little sibling."

 

"Yeah... that'd be great"

 

"Yes, sir!"

 

"I haven't told Ton yet. Could you tell him for us?" She intended for Team to deliver good news to her son in the frame. Both of them must be happy with more siblings.

 

"Of course." Team jumped off to run to the second floor. He paused and looked back at Win, about to ask him to come, but Win shook his head.

 

"Go talk to your brother." Win thought it'd be better to let Team have his personal time with his brother. "Mhm. Thanks, Hia."

 

Once Team was out of sight, Win turned to look at Team's parents. From a tense atmosphere, it has now turned into a joyful moment for the little life about to be born. The father smiled and gestured for his son's friend to sit on a couch.

 

"Congratulations, uncle, auntie."

 

"Thanks."

 

"You must be exhausted; that rascal is a handful." The father laughed. Whatever Team did, he made it fast. Phawin chuckled. "Not at all, it's fun. He's good-natured. Friends love him."

 

"You're the one who takes him to the doctor, right? Thank goodness you noticed his condition. He never told us about his condition. I was worried." The father covered his wife's hands with his own in support.

 

"We all have different kinds of comfort zones. Team found him now; you don't have to worry." Win jumped slightly at the father's words.

 

"..."

 

"Thank you for being his comfort zone, Win. I'll leave him to you. If he becomes too much of a handful, you can chastise him."

 

"Un...cle." The mother smiled faintly, lightly smacking her husband's hand.

 

"Oh, you don't give him a scare." She turned to her son's significant other.

 

"We know you're together." Win's shocked expression made the parents' smiles widen.

 

The father cleared his throat. "We heard so much about you every time he calls home. The rascal has no idea how much he's showing off his boyfriend."

 

Win's face burned. He was lucky that Team wasn't here; he'd have burst to death otherwise.

 

"We did notice, but we weren't sure. Until that one night when I came down for some water in the kitchen, I saw how you two were hugging each other on the front  porch."

 

Oh shit! Phawin mentally screamed.

 

"I'm sorry!" He must have done something inappropriate in this household!! What did he do? Shit.

 

"I didn't mean to pry, but I heard sobs, so I walked in. I saw you were holding Team."

 

The father smiled. At first, he thought Team was being bullied. He almost grabbed a bottle to smack Win's head. Good thing he caught himself and saw his son was being comforted, nodding like a child to everything Win said. He just stood there, looking at them quietly. Yet his son seemed peaceful and safe in this person's arms.

 

"Then I feel like I can... leave him to you, but." Win winced at the 'but.' "Maybe be gentle when hugging and kissing." He coughed a little. "He's still a kid."

 

Like a thousand arrows to his chest, tongue-tied, Win, who'd tasted every inch of their son's body, didn't know how to react.

 

"I'll... be careful." He raised his hands above his head into a wai. He'd remember to hide from their eyes next time. Finally, meeting his boyfriend's parents for the first time was over for Phawin. He'd never forget it.

 

The night sky had returned. They'd be driving back to Bangkok early the next morning. Team's car was packed with supplies given by his parents, just like how they arrived.

 

Team sat, chilling on the marble chair in the backyard. He lifted his face, taking in the fresh air from the mountainside. Win was by his side, their hands loosely entwined. Phawin looked at Team, never knew they'd come this far. From a one-night stand to this, being each other's. He found it funny and never forgot seeing Team again in the club. Maybe...he'd already fallen for Team at first sight.

 

Win scratched his cheek. Dean would have teased him to death since he teased Dean quite a lot about Pharm back then. Win turned out to be no different. What did they call it? Oh, head over heels.

 

Talking to Team's parents put Win at ease. They told him not to let Team know that they found out about his relationship with Win. It'd be better for Team to say it on his own volition. Lucky for them that Team's parents were understanding.

Team's dad seemed a bit extra concerned. They exchanged LINE, in case he asked about Team's mental condition. Team would have groused if he knew.

 

"Hia!" Win jumped out of his reverie. "What?"

 

"What are you thinking about? I called you many times. I'm asking if you wanna head inside. We have an early trip tomorrow."

 

"Oh, okay." Win got himself up, pulling Team up along and dusting off their pants.

 

"Can I ask you something?"

"Huh?"

 

"When I was on the second floor, what did you talk about with mom and dad?" 

 

Team's eyebrows knitted. From calling Team's parents uncle and auntie, Win changed to mom and dad. What happened!? Win smirked. "Just chatting in general. About the university, how you suck at English."

 

"Oh, gossiping about me?" Team yelled.

 

"Dad and Mom wanna know about your life. So you should tell them about it." Win swayed Team's head. "Team."

 

"Hmm?"

 

"What's your future plan?"

 

The young man blinked. "Um...! Guess I'll keep swimming, finish studying, get coaching experience for a year or two and continue my studies." At first, he planned to help his parents with their job after graduation, while working as a club's swimming coach on the side.

 

That was why he studied in the Faculty of Economics. After talking with his parents just now, he decided to pursue a Master's degree in Sports Science to become a full-time coach.

 

"What about you?" Phawin squeezed his hand lightly.

 

"After graduating, I'll probably go abroad for a master's degree."

 

"..is it far?"

 

"England."

 

Team tightened his lips. His heart fell. Though it wasn't that long a time, over a long distance, anything could happen.

 

"What's wrong?" He shook the brat's hand gently.

 

"We're still together, aren't we?"

 

"Oh? Of course. We're not over." His other hand snapped the brat's forehead in affection. "You're hard to get. I'm not letting you go easily." Team made a face, rubbing his forehead.

 

"But I'm scared of long-distance relationships."

 

"Should we get engaged?"

 

Team's face turned hot. He shook his head. "No need to go that far!" Was Win following Dean's example to get married right after graduation?  Win cackled, bringing Team into his arms.

 

"Trust me."

 

"Mhm."

 

"I'll visit every term break."

 

"Waste of money." Team joked, but he believed Win would still do it. "Hey, Hia.."

 

"Hmm?"

 

"Thanks for staying by my side." Without Win, he'd still be with his grief.

 

"You're welcome."

 

Team tightened his arms around Win and softly spoke.

 

"I love you, Hia."

 

Like the wind caressing the cheek's soft skin, a simple word of love was engraved in his heart. Phawin whispered back at the red ears, gently returning words of sweetness.

 

".. love you too."