HEMP ROPE

Love is free.

After the open house concluded, the university entered an exam period. An 18-year-old Teerayu stared at his class handouts with empty eyes. The English alphabet was, to him, like an alien language. He had never known despair up until this point.

 

"I'm doomed."

 

"No, you're not." His best friend encouraged him for the hundredth time. It was futile.

 

"This is gibberish to me."

 

"If it is, you wouldn't make it this far," his female friend, sitting across from him, scoffed.

 

"I've been guessing answers," Team responded with a straight face.

 

"Argghhh."

 

Manow screamed, smacking a book on a desk. Del startled from her side.

 

"Pharm and I are getting grey hairs teaching you. How could you say you're seeing gibberish!?"

 

Team swallowed and shifted closer to his close friend for help. Pharm raised his hand to calm their female friend, who was about to eat Team's head.

 

"I'm not teaching you anymore," Manow stated. "Del, you shouldn't be teaching him, too. Waste of time."

 

"Manoawwww," Team cried.

 

Pharm patted his friend's shoulder. He, too, was at the end of his rope. Although he understood that English had always been Team's kryptonite, Team's case was out of their hands.

 

"Have you asked P'Win?" Their last hope was the future honorary senior from the swimming club.

 

Team nodded, looking at his watch. "Yes, we've made an appointment today. I gotta go now, but I'm afraid he'd rip my empty brain apart." He made an assumption based on Win's training method at the club, where the kind Phawin could turn into a monster. His academic teaching method could be no different.

 

"Let him eat your brain." Team hissed at Manow. Pharm and Del had to stop them from going at each other's throats. Team sighed, got up to pack his things. He passed a worried glance to Pharm. 

 

"I'm afraid if I'm not around, P'Alex will come bother you." These days, his friend has been popular. Days ago, a senior named Alex stalked Pharm; Team almost melee-attacked him.

 

"Not gonna happen, I'm here." Del flexed her muscles. "I'll blow him off."

 

"Geez, I don't think he'd come back." Manow shook her head.

 

"His boyfriend did make it clear who Pharm belonged to."  Del snickered at Pharm's wide eyes.

 

"Oh, of course. Pharm is taken now." Team smirked. Then again, thanks to Alex, Dean announced his relationship with his best friend so loud and clear after it had been vague for so long. "I'm not needed now." Pharm glowered at him; his face burned hot. "Geez! You can leave now!"

 

They'd been overkilling him with this non-stop banter!! Team quickened his pace, glancing at his watch to stay on time with his blond senior. In front of the coffee shop stood a tall, big guy playing with his phone. His features, including the undercut blond hair and piercings, were such a head-turner. He'd be even more outstanding if it weren't for his uniform hiding all those tattoos on him. He looked like a punk from head to toe, and even his smirk looked like he wanted some trouble.

 

"You're late."

 

"Just for three minutes," Team argued. "Where should we study?"

 

"Your room, but let me get some coffee first" Team grinned. Lucky him.

 

"Treat me."

 

"I can't believe you. I'm teaching you, and I have to treat you, too?

 

Ok, what do you want?" Win ate his own words, pointing at the menu for his jubilant junior to pick something from. The menu is listed in weird and long English names for Team. He agonised before deciding on one; he couldn't be wrong about this.

 

"Lemon Tea?" Phawin arched his brow. "You want this?"

 

"Yes."

 

"Ok, then order Mocha Frappuccino, half-pump sweet, with whipped cream for me too." The senior handed him his cellphone for a scan payment.

 

Team's eyes bulged at the difficult name. "You do it yourself." All Team knew about coffee in his life was hot and cold.

 

"I'm treating you, and you're still using me?"

 

The junior sweated. That name was long. "Repeat the name? I can't remember."

 

"Mocha Frappuccino, half-pump sweet, with whipped cream."

 

"Mocha Cappuccino." Team repeated, frowning.

 

"Nooo", Win smacked his forehead. "Frappuccino."

 

"What is a Frappuccino?"

 

"Blended iced coffee menu..."

 

"Man, why don't you just say blended iced mocha?" Win was taken aback. Well, the kid wasn't wrong.

 

Win cleared his throat. "It's my favourite menu. If you can remember, you could order for me next time."

 

Team oh-ed and muttered again. "Mocha Frappuccino, half-pump sweet, with whipped cream."

 

When he got it, the brat went to the counter to order it. His voice stuttered with low confidence, but his determination made Win smile. It felt like having his 5-year-old kid order food by himself for the first time.

 

"Got it."

 

In a while, Team came back with two drinks. Phawin's smile widened. He ruffled the kid's hair. "Attaboy."

 

Team held back his smile. His heart beat fast from the warmth of his senior's hand. Since when has he started waiting for Hia's praise and a smile? Special person. His heart told him this word wasn't enough.

 

Bam!!

"Ouch!!"

 

In the midst of a quiet night, the sound of a paper roll smacking a head was loud.

 

"No S over there, remember what I keep telling you!

 

Team rubbed his head. It had been a week since Win started teaching him, and he was being smacked every day. He began to think that what he was taught was being smacked away by this.

 

"But I can't."

 

"Your short-term memory's too short."

 

"I don't know why. I'm all brawn and no brain." Team muttered while he highlighted the no S.

 

"My favourite menu is...?"

 

"Mocha Frappuccino, half-pump sweet, with whipped cream."

 

Phawin smiled at the prompt response. "If I don't feel like sweet things?"

 

Team had his chin on his palm. His hand wrote an answer on the paper as he responded without much thinking.

 

"Then get an Iced Americano instead."

 

"Pfft."

 

A light chuckle pulled Team from his lesson. "What's funny?"

 

"You do remember my favourite menu."

 

Team blinked before he realised it.

 

"It...t's just a coffee menu, not as tough as an exam!"

 

He just had the long, difficult coffee menu rolled off his tongue without a second thought.

 

"Hmm? Do I have to teach you the extraordinary way so you can't forget?" Win's eyes turned mischievous.

 

Team's hair stood on end. He hissed, "No!!!"

 

"Man, not fair. I teach you for free, mostly with free food and drinks for you too."

 

"But you have collected your price. Don't forget that." Team thumped his pen on the table. The senior lay back on the bed's stand, arching his brow.

 

"When we returned from seven-eleven! In front of my room." Team pointed repeatedly to his own forehead. "Luckily, no one saw it."

 

Phawin tsked. "We even kissed at the parking lot... that small kiss was just..."

Team cleared its throat. "Hia.."

 

Phawin quickly deflected. "Ah, so you remember what I said?" Team frowned, thinking harder. Aside from being a special person...

 

"The price is per session."

Oh hell.

 

"I haven't collected my fee for the other sessions." Win spun a red pen in his hand. "'ll claim all my price after the exam."

 

Team broke into a cold sweat. The session was seven days a week. Would the cumulative fee be Win kissing his forehead until it cracked? 

 

"Look at your face." Phawin laughed. "I told you, didn't I? You're special." His face was so irritated with Team. "Don't worry. I'll do everything for you."

 

Team absentmindedly rubbed his forehead, eyes looking down at his paper filled with red marks.

 

"Because you're..special to me."

 

His heart still pounded with these words. But a restless itch in the form of a thin wall between him and these words set in. Like he wasn't really on top of the world.

 

The special person... whom Win would fulfil any request for. No matter what he wanted or wanted to do, wherever he wanted to go, and how selfish the demand was, Win would cater to his every whim. But Team never saw Win reject any requests from anyone.

 

Being called a special person was just a result of his being with Win that night, when the boundary between senior and junior was crossed.

 

"Hia."

 

"Hmm?" Phawin picked up a text to check Team's answers. He marked the wrong answers in big red.

 

"If that night.."

 

The man stopped marking and craned his neck in curiosity.

 

"If that night, we didn't have sex..."Would I still be your special person? His words came out barely inaudible. He was confused and scared. His heart cried out that he shouldn't be saying it, shouldn't make it an issue.

 

"What did you say? Can't hear you there. Night... what?"

 

Team lifted his face, leaned towards the unguarded senior and pressed his lips on the other's forehead. It was quick, but it left Win's heart aching.

 

"This is a deposit." Team waggled his brow as usual. "I'm going to bed; it's late. Thanks, Hia. Think I'll pass the exam tomorrow." He gathered his textbook into his bag. Caught off guard, Win blinked. "Oh...you're not sleeping..."

 

"I'll be in my room tonight so you can study. Don't keep teaching me and forget about yourself." Team got up to the door, waved goodbye and closed the door.

 

Phawin's eyes stayed at the door. It all happened so fast. He touched his forehead, recalling that softness. He leaned back on the bed frame, smiling.

 

"How do I focus on my study now, you bastard?"

 

The midterm exams passed by quickly, leaving only a few subjects for weekends. Online grades were released soon after, causing a flurry of activity for students as they feared examinations and grades. The same goes for the trio, plus the female liberal arts student, gathered to check their English grades on their cellphones. Team pinched his eyes closed, muttering a prayer. He thought he did alright, not good but not bad either.

 

Del, the only student from the Faculty of Liberal Arts, filled Team, her and Manow's course codes and student codes. Pharm got his result: A, as he hoped for. Now it was just Team whose grade needed to be above C to keep his scholarship. When Del pressed Enter, the results appeared.

 

"Oh."

“Whoa.”

“Ah.”

 

Upon his three friends' exclamation, Team blocked his ear and cowered. If he closed himself up, whatever happened didn't happen. The same applies to closing up other people's eyes.

 

"Team", Pharm and Manow laughed. They pulled Team's hands off his ears. "Look at the results."

 

"No. Nooooooo." After a while, Team had to cave in to the truth. He accepted Del's mobile to look at the result.

 

Mr Teerayu Siriyothin- English 1, Result: B

 

"Whoa!!" Team's eyes bulged at the screen, moving the mobile up close to his face. "Fuck!!" His three friends applauded for him.

 

"See, you can do it." Manow mocked, shedding her tears. Pharm, and she had been drilling this guy for so long. Team's grade was even better news than their own.

 

"Yeah. It's B! You thought you wouldn't pass, but you did a very good job." Del complimented.

 

"Yessss. Whoa, I'm the best." Team puffed his fists. If he'd gotten past English, he needed not worry about the rest.

 

"Seems like P' Win is really good at teaching. How about we all let him teach next time?" Upon Team's elation, Manow was interested, thinking they could all get an A. Team jumped, waving his hand left and right. "Not a good idea."

 

"Why?" Pharm looked puzzled.

 

"Hia collects tutor fees."

 

"But not that much, right?" Del tilted her head. "I'll make the fee cheaper with four of us."

 

Team rolled his eyes, not knowing how to explain. He shrugged, telling them to try to ask Win himself. A good guy like Win could probably teach the ladies for free.

 

Upon that thought, Team's chest felt constricted, a feeling he had never felt before in his life. Yet he wasn't that dumb; he knew how he was feeling. Love was such a mess.

 

He looked at his three friends, changing the subject from exam results to Christmas hangout. The two girls debated where the best Christmas lights set-up was, while Pharm just sat there and smiled. Team guessed Pharm had already known the best spot.

 

"Team, where do you think is best for Christmas lights in Bangkok?" Manow asked as she couldn't conclude.

 

Team startled. "I don't know, but from what I saw on TV, I think it can be anywhere."

 

The lady tilted her head. "You think so?"

 

"Is there something wrong, Team?" Pharm poked his best friend when he saw the strange, concerned look on his face. If Manow talked about a Christmas hangout, Team would normally tease who she'd hang out with.

 

Three pairs of eyes looked at him. If he kept to himself, he likely wouldn't be sleeping tonight. He cleared his throat before saying.

 

"What will you do if you like someone?"

 

His three friends went still. Manow placed her hand over her heart; her breath hitched. She'd never dreamed of the day Team mentioned love. Calm down, Manow. Don't panic.

 

"Make a move if you like them."

 

"Make a move?" Team frowned. He recalled Manow had told Pharm the same thing.

 

"Yes." Manow puffed out her chest in confidence. "Don't be slow. We're in the 20th century. Let them know what you feel." Del nodded in agreement.

 

"Like how Alex made a move on Pharm?" Team frowned harder, thinking about the senior idol from the multi-colored channel who hit so hard on Pharm. Team wanted to punch him in the face then. Alex was also the reason why Dean announced himself as Pharm's boyfriend.

 

"No!" Pharm and Del shrieked before Del went quiet and sat herself back down in a modest gesture in the midst of her surprised friends.

 

"Not that kind of move." Manow waved her hand. "If you don't know them, making that kind of move scares them away. You have to pinpoint the level of your relationship. If you're not too close, blend yourself into their life, then flirt later."

 

"Like a stalker?" Team cringed.

 

"Geez, you dumbass. Think about your timing. It won't work if you poke into their life every day."

 

Team faltered, recalling that he had gone to his seniors' room every day. Pharm's response was no different.

 

"How did you do it with P'Dean?" Team smiled dryly. Better consult the one with experience.

 

"Er.. don't think taking after P' Dean is a good idea."

 

"Oh?" Del was taken aback, wondering what her brother had done.

 

"Why?" Manow asked with interest; she never knew how her friend flirted. "Well... P' 

 

Dean was straightforward when interested. He said...he was single." Pharm stuttered, his face burning. "Then he comes to see me every morning and evening."

 

"Whoa." Team and Manow rubbed their arms. Dean was head over heels while Del held back her smile. This information must reach P' Don, her other brother, tonight.

 

"B. But P' Dean was polite to me. He's close to my Mom too."

 

"Great, blend into your life through your parents." Manow looked excited that Pharm had already brought Dean to his parents.

 

"Just do what feels right." Manow patted Team's shoulder. "Don't force it. If a person's the right one for you, nothing should go wrong."

 

Team's eyes wavered before they glanced at his three friends.

 

"And what if I love boys?" Pharm, Manow and Del blinked. Team making himself small was hilarious to them.

 

"There's no difference. There's no gender requirement for love." Manow shrugged

"Look at P'Dean and Pharm; they're for each other." Del egged them on.

 

Team pursed his lips, his legs absentmindedly shaking with concern.

 

"Pharm...may I ask you something?" Pharm's eyebrows raised. "Yes?"

 

"How... did you feel when you saw bad comments about you and P' Dean on social media?"

 

Pharm gave his friend a faint smile. He sighed softly, as he had never told his friends about this.

 

"I'd be lying if I said it doesn't bother me. I didn't understand at first... why our love would be someone else's problem. Why are they bothered by same-sex love?"

 

"Pharm." Manow stroked her friend's shoulder.

 

"I told myself people came from all walks of life. Why should I care about strangers' words? That way I could ignore them, but..." The young man's eyes wavered, thinking about what he'd been through.

 

"No matter how hard I tried to ignore them, they still crammed insults into my mail or inbox."

 

"What a waste. They shouldn't be together."

 

"Are you really not interested in women? Wanna change?"

 

"You really like guys? How about me?"

 

Countless insults left him a poison in his heavy heart.

 

"Fuck, why didn't you tell me?" Team's blood boiled. He'd seen Pharm's crestfallen expression when he'd read something on his phone, but he'd said it was nothing when Team asked. For fuck sake!

 

Pharm reached out to hold his best friend's hand, smiling.

 

"Team, I chose to take care of it myself. While some may not be able to manage their feelings, I simply block them out and focus on the people I value. Remember to be calm, Team. Don't let people's insults bother your relationships. Remember, you have the right to your love."

 

Manow nodded. "Right. I'm rooting for you. If you need encouragement, we're all here for you." Pharm patted Team's hand. "Because of that, don't be afraid to love."

 

Don't be afraid to love, whatever gender. Team flashed a smile, feeling overwhelmed by his three friends.

 

"Ok... thank you."

"Yeah...so who's the one?"

 

"Hi...oi, don't bait me into answering that." Team bellowed. He almost let it slip.

Manow tsked and turned to high-five Del. "Damn, we almost had it"

 

Pharm held his laughter. He'd back his friends' love no matter what gender. Manow was right. Love was free—no matter what gender.

 

The night sky today was decorated with bright Christmas lights. Team carried a bag of snacks back to his dormitory. Today he had just completed all the examinations. 

 

As soon as they left the exam room, Dean was there for Pharm. Pharm and Manow planned to see Christmas lights with Del, but Del reluctantly left, saying she was meeting someone and refusing to say who. Upon seeing that everyone had a partner, Team and Manow parted. That was how being single was.

 

Team entered the elevator. At first, he attempted to go straight to his room on the ninth floor. Then, he realised he hadn't told his tutor about the result, so he pressed the tenth floor.

 

The young man stopped in front of his senior's room, which he had visited repeatedly. He was about to knock, but it was Christmas Day. A party-goer like Win might not be home.

 

"Damn it." He rubbed his head in frustration at his own nonsense. Decidedly, he gave the door a light knock. He then stood and waited.

 

First knock.

Second knock.

...Nothing.

 

"He might be out." Team exhaled. "Damn it."

 

Before he moved, the door was wide open. The groggy person inside yawned and quirked his eyebrows at Team, who was standing in surprise.

 

"I thought I heard something bump. Knock harder next time."

 

Phawin reached to pull his junior into the room, like it was his second nature.

 

"You didn't go out?"

 

Phawin opened his fridge. He grabbed a bottle of water and drank to wake himself up.

 

"Where would I go? The exam is all week long. Just submitted my work. I just spent all day sleeping. And what are all those snacks you're carrying?" He looked over the packet and rolled his eyes in desperation upon seeing the familiar potato chips.

 

"At first I thought I'd watch movies in my room, but I haven't told you one thing."

 

"About what?"

 

"The English exam result."

 

Phawin threw a bottle in the bin. He walked to sit on the bed, crumpled by his sleep. 

 

"What did you get?"

 

"B." The bastard quirked his brow, flaunting.

 

Win whistled a wow. "See? Next time, get an A. You can do it"

 

Phawin grinned. Team was smart enough. It wasn't that he couldn't read English; he simply lacked the confidence and belief.

 

"You got a reward for me?" His junior held out his palm, though he was the one being tutored

 

"You." Phawin chuckled. He motioned for his junior to come to him. "Lower your head."

 

"What?" Although he did not understand, he did as he was told.

"Attaboy."

 

A warm, large hand placed on his messy hair, ruffling. Team closed his eyes tight; his heavy heart stemmed from confusion that dissolved in seconds.

 

"Are you free tomorrow?"

 

"What? Yes, I've no plans."

 

"Let's go see Christmas lights." Win picked up his controller to turn on a television. He handed a snack packet to the junior.

 

"You're not going anywhere with anyone?"

 

Phawin arched his brow. "Oh. Where should I go if not with you?"

 

Again...Team sat himself on the floor in front of the bed. He tore the potato chips packet absent-mindedly, sharing his snack with Win.

 

"Let's see the Christmas lights and eat some snacks."

 

"Of course. Let's eat too." Win bent down to eat potato chips from Team's hand. He then insisted they watch a new action movie. So kind and spoiling. Team picked a slice of potato chips for himself. His ears rang; everything became inaudible.

 

How could he not feel like more than a 'special person'?