FUTTARA DOSHABURI - WHEN IT RAINS, IT POURS.

 Translator note...

This was the first BL drama I ever watched, and I loved the characters so much that I spent weeks searching online for the novel. It was hard to find since I live in the UK. Some people offered English translations, but they charged for them. I finally found it on a Japanese online store, and FUTTARA DOSHABURI - WHEN IT RAINS, IT POURS became my first ebook. I didn’t realise the novels were only in Japanese and thought they would be translated automatically, but they weren’t. As I’ve said, I only speak and read English, so please forgive any pronoun or spelling mistakes. I promise they aren’t intentional. A year ago, I was the only one with a free translation of these novels, and I still am. Please don’t copy and paste my translation or claim it as your own. I’ve added a few ‘hidden easter eggs’ so I can tell it’s mine. I’m sorry, but it took a lot of hard work to translate a Japanese book. Thank you, and I hope you enjoyed the book as much as I did.

When it Rains, It Pours. part 1.

A ninja jumps over a growing stalk of hemp every day, bit by bit.

 

On nights when Kazuaki cannot sleep, he often finds himself thinking about that legend. Even if the change from one day to the next does not seem like much, it slowly adds up. Over time, it becomes a substantial height. It is just like the forty-five-centimetre-wide nightstand sitting in this room right now.

 

Peeking out of the corner of his eye past the small table, there is another single bed just like the one he is lying in. Kaori is sleeping there, her back turned completely toward him. When they first started living together the year before last, their two beds were pushed tightly against each other. Before they knew it, a gap as narrow as a paintbrush appeared between them. The beds drifted apart so gradually that it was impossible to notice. Then, finally, last month, this table was wedged right into the middle of that gap.

 

"What do you think?"

 

He can still clearly picture his girlfriend's face from that day, beaming with a wide smile.

 

"The one I’ve been eyeing for ages finally went on sale! It's the perfect size to put a book you're reading or a box of tissues on, right? You should use it too, Kazuaki."

 

Since when have you been eyeing it? Books are one thing, but do we really need tissues right there? There were so many things he wanted to say to her. But because Kaori smiled so warmly, without a single hint of malice, he just nodded in silence.

 

"For ages."

 

Maybe she had intended to do this since long before she ever found that table. When they went furniture shopping before the move, Kazuaki had planned to buy a double bed. But Kaori insisted they get two singles and push them together. She argued that it would make rearranging the room easier, and besides, washing the sheets for a double bed was too much of a hassle.

 

At the time, he thought, fair enough, and went along with it without overthinking. Traditional wisdom dictates that listening to a woman's opinion keeps things peaceful at home. Plus, he figured that whether it was a double or two singles, "what they did" in bed wouldn't change.

 

He wanted to go back and lecture his naive self from that day. He could never have predicted that intimacy, which had been a natural part of their daily lives when they lived apart, would become so far out of reach once they started living together. 

 

On top of the table, the soft, faint whiteness of the tissues nestled in their wooden case suddenly made him think of a woman’s bare skin. He felt a familiar ache stir in his lower body, and immediately felt pathetic for it. The face of a middle school classmate popped into his head—someone who had tried to masturbate with a tissue box. What was his name again? He couldn't even remember that, yet the memory of their silly conversation was vivid. Just because of the slit down the middle, the guy had associated it with a woman's body. 

 

He had emptied the box and shoved himself inside, but since it was just a square cardboard box, it didn't feel good at all. Of course it didn't; what an idiot, Kazuaki had laughed hysterically back then. But now, at twenty-seven, getting turned on by a single tissue made him feel just as pathetic. Even though logic tells you no way feels good, a middle schooler can't help but try anyway to see. An adult, however, hesitates to take on a challenge when they already know it will be futile. 

 

He couldn't muster the courage to reach out to his girlfriend, who lay just beyond those tissues, tissues that were now used for nothing but blowing noses. 

 

I'm tired, I'm sleepy, I have an early shift, it's that time of the month, I feel a cold coming on, I've put on a little weight. Would she pick from her usual stock of excuses, or would a brand-new version pop out? At this point, he feared that even if she said it was because of bad luck, or because the pillows faced the wrong way for feng shui, or because "the moon is just too blue tonight," he would say, "Oh, I see," and back down. He had learned plenty about disappointment and giving up by now, but his physical urges were completely uncooperative. 

 

Staring intently at the duvet, his mind focused entirely on the raw lines of her body lying beneath it. He couldn't help but picture her contours—the gentle curves of her body. His longing was so intense it felt as though he might see right through the blanket, but looking at someone he couldn't reach would only make things more painful. 

 

Ripping his eyes away, Kazuaki rolled over with a heavy thud to face the opposite direction. That way faced the window, and the sound of the endless rainfall felt a little closer now. The rain was part of the reason he couldn't sleep. Just below their second-floor apartment was the bicycle parking lot, and the racket of raindrops hitting its corrugated iron roof bounced right up into the room. 

 

Pitter-patter, pitter-patter... It was a noisy din, sounding just like countless tiny sprites stamping their feet completely out of sync. When they had first moved in, the two of them would hold each other tight and listen to that sound. Back then, complaining about how loud the rain was could be turned into a laugh. When they were lost in their own world and close to one another, they would forget about the noise entirely. Then, in the brief lulls of their connection, he would suddenly remember it—oh, it's raining—as if the thought were dripping into his mind. He used to love that feeling.

 

But now, the sound of the rain beating against his ear was nothing but loud and unpleasant. It slowly eroded his precious sleeping hours. If only we had moved to a higher floor, we wouldn't have to deal with this annoying racket, he thought. He even began to harbour a smouldering resentment toward his partner for being afraid of heights. 

 

Kazuaki let out a deep sigh. Mixed with the sound of the rain, even he couldn't hear it. Just how long had it been since he started weathering the rain all by himself?

 

════[changbins_delulu_wife]════

 

It seemed Kazuaki had gone out somewhere. The sound of the front door closing, followed by the click of the lock and the rattle of the security chain, woke Sei up. The bed across the nightstand was empty. The blankets were folded back neatly, just like Kazuaki, who was meticulously organised. The way he lined up the spices in the kitchen, or the way he arranged the clothes in the drawers, everything he did looked like a work of art.  Sei wondered if that was just bias talking. 

 

After staring at that tidy absence for a moment, the bedroom door opened. Sei lifted his head and said, "Welcome back."

 

"Sorry, did I wake you?"

 

"Did you go shopping?"

 

"Yeah. There was a magazine I wanted to read  but forgot to buy it, and I just saw it in a dream. It suddenly reminded me, so I ran to the convenience store."

 

"Did you find it?"

 

"No. Looks like it's sold out."

 

"Last month's issue was still there, though," Kazuaki answered as he changed back into his pyjamas.

 

"Was it missing from the other stores too?"

 

"Well, once I cooled down, I realised it’s not really worth going that far for right now."

 

"What's that supposed to mean?" Sei laughed a little.

 

"Sometimes I just can't seem to pause between the impulse and the action. My body moves on its own."

 

"Being a person of action is a good thing, right?"

 

Exactly. It was Kazuaki’s quickness and decisiveness, his ability to immediately put everything into action, that had saved Sei, and it was why Sei loved him.

 

"Thanks, that’s a nice way of putting it," Kazuaki said with a bitter smile. "It was raining outside."

 

"That’s why I came straight back without extending the search."

 

You could get to the nearest convenience store without getting wet. Since they lived in a building with interior hallways, he probably hadn’t noticed the rain until he actually stepped outside. Sei was only realising it now, too.

 

"Do you think it'll keep going until morning?"

 

"Who knows. It was coming down pretty hard just now."

 

"Hmm... Night."

 

"Night."

 

As if greeting him with his fingertips, Kazuaki lightly touched Sei’s cheek and pulled away. The ticklish sensation spread outward like ripples on water.

 

Though Sei closed his eyes once, he opened them again almost immediately. The room, with the floor lamp dimmed to its lowest setting, was filled with a quiet, orange glow. Beyond the ivory curtains, now turned the colour of soft honey, it was raining. 

 

When you live on the thirty-fifth floor of a high-rise tower, you can barely sense it. If the wind is strong, the raindrops will strike the glass facade, but the soundproofing of the double-glazed windows is remarkable. With two layers of curtains drawn, you wouldn't even notice unless a typhoon hit.

 

Sei let his thoughts drift to the sound of rain. It is, of course, created when droplets collide with something on the ground. Therefore, rather than the sound of the rain itself, it is the sound of whatever receives the rain. Would rain falling into an endless void, never absorbed by anything, be completely silent? 

 

He imagined himself listening intently at the very top of a slender tower. In this home, the rain felt so far away. Just how long had it been since he smelled that sweet scent of earth rising as it soaked in the rain?

 

Before living here, Sei didn't particularly like the rain. It was dark, it made the room damp, and if he had plans to go out, it was nothing but an obstacle. Mornings when he woke up to the sound of rain were especially depressing. 

Yet now, he missed it terribly. Was it because he felt so stagnant inside? It felt as though he were harbouring a thick, muddy swamp inside his own body, and perhaps he just wanted the rain to wash it all away. The moment Kazuaki touched his forehead and said "night," the surface of that heavy, sluggish swamp bubbled to life.

 

Whoever came up with the phrase "building up" really hit the nail on the head. So much had built up inside him that he felt like he would make a sloshing sound with every step he took. No matter how many times he released it through masturbation, it was never resolved. Clearly, it wasn't just semen that was building up inside him.

 

If he were to drop dead right now, he was confident that his unpurified sexual desire would stop him from passing on. He would turn into a slimy, sludge-like evil spirit—looking like a human-shaped piece of wet concrete. His memories, thoughts, and conscience would all melt away. Even so, dripping ugly bodily fluids everywhere, the creature that used to be Sei would surely reach out its hands and say:

 

Touch me.

Hold me.

Please.

 

════[changbins_delulu_wife]════

 

Checking his emails immediately after arriving at the office, Kazuaki paused on a message from General Affairs. The subject line read, [RE-SEND] Notice of ID Card Reissue, causing a soft "Oh, crap" to slip from his lips. 

 

It had been about two weeks since his ID card cracked and he requested a new one. He had received the notification that it was ready a week ago, but he had completely forgotten about it and left it sitting. He hurried over to the General Affairs department to find the sender of the email.

 

"Good morning. I'm Hagiwara from Sales. Is Nakarai-san around...?"

 

"Yes."

 

The person in question raised his hand from a desk near the entrance. They had started at the company in the same year, but because they worked in different departments, they rarely crossed paths. Thanks to the employee directory distributed right after they joined, Kazuaki was able to match the face to the full name: Sei Nakarai. 

 

There was usually no joy in staring closely at a guy's headshot. Still, back then, his fingers had naturally stopped while casually flipping through the pages because Sei had such an exceptionally handsome face. He looked like the type of person who, if crushed, would turn into fine, perfectly uniform particles. He was entirely removed from any nuance of being rough or sticky, just an unblemished, striking beauty. That impression hadn't changed at all, even now, five years later.

 

Man, this guy looks like he doesn't have sex, doesn't ejaculate, and has absolutely zero interest in any of it. Kazuaki’s thoughts naturally drifted in a direction completely inappropriate for the morning. Wondering if his lack of sleep from the night before was catching up to him, he gave his head a quick shake.

 

"I'm here to pick up my ID card!" he said, intentionally raising his voice.

 

"I can hear you perfectly fine if you speak normally," Sei replied bluntly, his tone completely flat. He pulled a fresh ID card out of his desk drawer.

 

"Here. Did you bring your personal stamp?"

 

"Yes, thank you. Sorry I took so long to get it."

 

Kazuaki had been getting by just fine with a temporary guest card, which was why he kept putting this off. The only real difference from a regular ID card was that he couldn't load money onto it to pay for food at the company cafeteria or café. But since his sales job kept him out of the office most of the time, it hadn't caused him any real inconvenience. He stamped the receipt and exchanged his guest badge for the brand new card.

 

"Ah."

 

"What? Is something wrong with it?"

 

"No, it's just... I should have asked to get a new headshot taken. This one doesn't look very good, and I had just gotten a terrible haircut right before it was taken."

 

"See? Look," Kazuaki said, showing him the card. Sei merely darted his eyes over for a split second.

 

"It looks the same," Sei replied, completely unimpressed.

 

Man, this guy is tough to get along with, Kazuaki thought. 

But just as he was thinking that, Sei spun his office chair around to face him directly.

 

"By the way," Sei said. "Didn't you have your card reissued just the month before last because it was broken?"

 

"Oh, uh, yeah."

 

"Isn't that the problem?"

 

Sei pointed toward the cardholder hanging around Kazuaki's neck. It was made of dark brown leather, a Christmas gift from Kaori.

 

"You were told to use the case issued by the company, weren't you?"

 

"Uh, yeah."

 

He was right. Probably because the cards themselves weren't very sturdy, they had all been given hard plastic cases when they joined the company. But it looked boring and wasn't very practical, so Kazuaki didn't like it. He preferred a case with a little pocket on the back to hold spare business cards or quick notes. Besides, having a company-mandated case felt as ridiculous as a high school dress code.

 

"I don't really like that one, to be honest."

 

"There is no 'like' or 'dislike' when it comes to tools you use for work."

 

"Come on, everyone else buys whatever case they want and uses that."

 

"If it doesn't cause any problems, they are free to do so. But you, Hagiwara, have broken your card twice in a short period. The issue lies either with how the owner handles it or with the case itself."

 

Or both, Sei added snidely, which made Kazuaki feel a spark of irritation. Sleep really was important for keeping your peace of mind.

 

"Don't you think the cards are just too flimsy to begin with? They're defective. General Affairs should submit a complaint to the supplier."

 

"Changing your case would fix the problem a lot faster than waiting for quality improvement."

 

"Isn't it the job of General Affairs to listen to internal feedback like this?"

 

"We are not an order-taking service."

 

"But this is a gift from my girlfriend."

 

Sei furrowed his brow into a deep frown, snapped, "As I care," and turned his back on him.

 

"If you break it again next time, I’m charging you for the actual cost of a replacement."

 

Kazuaki didn't know how much it actually cost, but he felt an impulse to slam his wallet down on the desk and say, "Just make me ten of them then!" Of course, he didn't do it. He noticed he’d been having a lot of these moments lately, opportunities where he just fantasised about doing things he couldn't actually pull off. What am I, a virgin again? It's terrifying.

 

"Thanks for your trouble~"

 

He dragged out the end of his sentence to sound as annoying as possible and turned to leave. But just as he did, Sei called out to him.

 

"Hagiwara."

 

"Yes?"

 

"While you're here, I might as well tell you: the Sales department is getting sloppy with separating the recycling. Also, your team cancels too many pre-booked meeting rooms at the last minute. Tell everyone to be careful before you get a formal written warning about it."

 

Now isn't that a textbook case of 'like I care'? Kazuaki thought. Do you really have to bring that up to me right this second? It felt like he had tossed a pebble at Sei, only for Sei to throw a massive boulder right back at him. Still, since Kazuaki was the one who started the friction, he just answered, "Got it~" and left the General Affairs department.

 

Standing in front of the elevator hall, he almost aggressively smashed his new card against the touch sensor on the door, but caught himself just in time. If he ruined this one too, there was no telling what kind of lecture he would have to endure.

 

When he got back to his desk, there was still a bit of time before the morning meeting. To change his mood, he decided to browse the internet for restaurants they could use for next week’s peer gathering. 

 

Every spring, it was a tradition for everyone who joined the company in the same year to hold a big drinking party together, regardless of their departments. It served as both a farewell to those transferring out and a welcome to those moving back. Because management encouraged cross-department networking, everyone was allowed to leave on time that day unless something major came up. 

 

This year, it was Kazuaki's turn to organise it. Gathering with everyone from our year- wait, does that mean I'll have to face Sei again? For a split second, a groan of 'Ugh' flashed through his mind. But thinking back, he couldn't recall ever seeing Sei at past gatherings.

 

Around fifty people usually showed up, so he might have just missed him. Still, it felt much more plausible that Sei hated drinking parties and skipped them entirely. Yeah, that must be it, Kazuaki imagined. He pictured Sei sitting in a room that looked straight out of an interior design magazine like Casa Brutus, where even the placement of a single ballpoint pen was perfectly calculated, flipping through foreign books. 

 

Then again, maybe his place is the exact opposite, Kazuaki thought, letting his mind wander. Maybe his life has come full circle, and he lives in a total mess, buried under trash bags where you can't even see the floor—pulling a shirt out from a massive pile of laundry, checking it for stains, sniffing it to see if it's clean.

 

Nah, probably not. But either way, Kazuaki couldn't help but wonder why it felt like there was absolutely no room for a woman's presence in Sei's life. Well, whatever. It doesn't matter. 

 

Kazuaki picked out a few potential restaurants on a food portal website that were close to the office, reasonably spacious, and offered a good balance between budget and taste. He forwarded the information to his personal mobile phone so he could review them properly at home.

 

After that, his day got so busy that he didn't have a single moment to look at his personal phone. It was only when he got home and checked that he realised the restaurant information he thought he had sent from his work computer hadn't arrived. That's weird, Kazuaki thought. 

 

He opened up the webpage he had looked at that morning, and immediately realised his own blunder. The form required entering the part of his mobile email address before the "@" symbol, then selecting the mobile carrier from a drop-down menu for the rest. He had completely forgotten to select the carrier before hitting send.

 

Unless the message had bounced back as an error, it meant that an email detailing restaurant options had just been delivered to a stranger who happened to have the same username on a different mobile carrier. Well, it’s not like it was a shady email that would cause a misunderstanding if anyone saw it, Kazuaki thought. They’ll probably assume it was a mistake and delete it. 

 

The moment Kaori walked through the door, the whole thing slipped his mind completely.

 

"I’m home~"

 

"Welcome back. You’re late."

 

"Yeah, a regular customer rushed in right as we were about to close because she chipped a nail. I couldn't really turn her away."

 

"Huh. What do you even do in a situation like that?"

 

"Even though she said it was chipped, it was just a surface crack. So I coated it with acrylic to harden it, let it dry, and then filed it down."

 

"Sounds like regular repair work."

 

"Yeah, pretty much."

 

I wish they could fix ID cards like that, Kazuaki thought. Then I wouldn't have to listen to that guy lecture me.

 

"What about dinner?"

 

"I grabbed tea with the store manager, so I’m fine. What about you, Kazuaki?"

 

"I just heated some pizza."

 

"I see. Sorry about that. I can leave early tomorrow, so I'll make a proper meal."

 

"Alright."

 

While Kaori was in the bath, Kazuaki looked over at her phone, which had been left completely unguarded on the table. A sudden customer. Having tea with the salon manager. These were all just things his girlfriend claimed, with absolutely no proof to back them up. Yet, Kazuaki did not feel the urge to doubt Kaori's words or sneak a look at her phone.

 

He knew a guy who made his girlfriend check in at exact times during her nights out, even demanding photos to prove where she was. Kazuaki always found himself strangely amazed by that, wondering how they didn't both exhaust themselves. He trusted Kaori's words because he trusted her love for him. She wouldn't go behind his back to connect with another man. It wasn't that he thought of himself as some incredibly amazing guy. It was just that, judging by her personality, their five-year history together, and the fact that they were living together right now, he saw no reason to tie her down. 

 

If someone told him, "You won't get it until it happens to you," then so be it. But for him, the idea of either Kaori or himself cheating was beyond the realm of possibility. Yet, a single question still reared its head. Then why are we like this?

 

To escape his thoughts, Kazuaki turned up the volume on the sports news. Soon, Kaori walked out of the bathroom, drying her wet hair.

 

"When did you say your peer gathering was?"

 

"Next Friday."

 

"I see. Is it okay if I go out that day too, then? I’ve been invited to Ayako-san’s new place."

 

"Oh, yeah, sure."

 

Ayako-san was a senior colleague who had left Kaori’s salon last year, and her partner was a doctor... Kazuaki nodded as he ran the details through the search engine of his mind.

 

"They say it's on the top floor of a high-rise tower and about a hundred square meters. That's incredible, isn't it?" Kaori said. I bet the drumming sound of rain on a tin roof never reaches a place like that.

 

"Are you going to be okay up there, considering your fear of heights?" Kazuaki asked.

 

"I’ll just have them pull the blinds down, so I'll be fine. She told me that once she settles in a bit more, she wants to open a private salon right out of her home. I could never pull that off, but getting your nails painted while looking out at a view like that must be the absolute best. Must be nice... I want to open my own independent salon someday, too. I'd only take about three clients a day, but in return, I'd take my sweet time giving them thorough care and massages."

 

She would work hard to invest in an excellent chair, play her favourite music, light some incense... Kazuaki thought Kaori's eyes looked so bright and beautiful when she talked about her dreams. He genuinely wanted to make them come true for her.

 

"The top floor of a high-rise tower is out of the question for us, though."

 

"Oh, stop it. I'm not asking for anything like that. I heard the maintenance fees for those high-rise apartments are astronomically high anyway, since they come with a concierge, guest rooms, and all that."

 

"Huh."

 

"It seems foolish to watch your money fly away on things like that. Just visiting now and then to feel a little envious is the perfect amount for me."

 

"I see."

 

"So, let's just keep doing our best in our own way, okay?"

 

"Got it."

 

"Hehe."

 

Kaori snugly tucked herself right between Kazuaki's legs as he relaxed on the sofa. That was her designated spot.

 

"Have your nails grown?"

 

"A little bit."

 

"Let's see."

 

Kazuaki looked over her shoulder at her fingers as she took both his hands and stared at them intently. Her own nails were a blending mix of pink and fresh green. For her, they were tiny canvases, always decorated with some colour. I haven't seen her natural, bare nails in a really long time, Kazuaki suddenly thought. 

 

It was part of her job to keep them looking beautiful, and since she actively helped with the housework without complaining, he had no real grievances. Bare nails, and a bare body. Which one had he actually seen last?

 

"They still look fine for now. I'll trim and shape them for you before your peer gathering."

 

"Kaori."

 

A lovely scent drifted from her freshly washed hair. Drawn in by it, Kazuaki buried his face against her. He brushed past the damp strands of hair, pressing close to her smooth nape. He tried to wrap his arms around her from behind, but Kaori suddenly stood up.

 

"I need to blow-dry my hair, or I'll catch a cold." Her voice was unnaturally bright. This was always how she sounded whenever she dodged his advances. "Kazuaki, you haven't taken your bath yet, right?"

 

"...Yeah."

 

Kazuaki could never bring himself to take that one extra step forward in these moments. Why are you running away? I want to hold you, he wondered what would happen if he just came out and said it. But thinking about it made him feel an almost absurd amount of fear. He didn't want to act ugly by letting his irritation or disappointment show on his face.

 

"Make sure you turn on the bathroom dryer switch, okay?"

 

With the hair dryer tucked under her arm, Kaori retreated into the bedroom. Kazuaki hadn't been able to touch her with even a single finger. Inside the cramped bathroom, the lingering scent of her shampoo still floated thickly in the air, wrapping completely around him. He couldn't take it anymore.

 

Purely to drown out any noise—even though there was no real chance she would hear him—he twisted the shower lever and reached for his genitals. Finding relief in the bath was only ever a way to clean up afterwards. Otherwise, having to wash out the drain cover later was a hassle, or rather, just plain depressing. But right now, even thinking about that felt like too much effort. 

 

Cold water from the low-mounted shower head splattered against his shins, giving him goosebumps. Gradually, the temperature rose, and his lower body grew hotter along with the rhythm of his hand. Why? The question he had locked away just moments ago came flooding back. It felt like a small, hard pachinko ball, bouncing around endlessly inside his head with nowhere left to fall.

 

There was love between them. There was trust and consideration, too. They had their daily routine, a blueprint for the future, a home they shared, and even a joint savings account. So why was it that sex was the only thing completely, entirely missing? 

 

Resting one hand against the wall, he used the other to pump himself blindly. Head bowed, he let out ragged breaths. The heat tightly trapped inside his own palm felt pathetic and foolish. He gritted his teeth.

 

"……Ah."

 

Right at the final moment, Kazuaki intentionally pulled his hand away. He let himself release right onto the steam-fogged mirror. The thick, white liquid—the literal embodiment of all his built-up frustration—splattered onto the cold glass, shuddered faintly, and began to slide heavily downward. 

 

Panting heavily, he slid the bathroom door open, roughly ripped several tissues out of the box in the sink area, and wiped the mirror clean. It wasn't enjoyable at all. His physical pleasure was completely disconnected from his mind, and he couldn't bridge the gap between them. Forcing his body to release was like cutting open a swollen wound to ease the pressure; it offered a tiny bit of relief, but it was incredibly short-lived. The wound itself kept hurting, and the infection just kept building back up. To shake off the guilt of staining Kaori’s space with his desperate lust, Kazuaki aggressively scrubbed his head and washed his body. 

 

When he finally walked into the bedroom, the lights were already turned off. Kaori’s duvet rose and fell with the steady rhythm of her breathing. She might be pretending to sleep, but verifying that wouldn't change a thing. Kazuaki got into his own bed and mindlessly scrolled through a news site on his phone for a while. Then, he suddenly remembered the email blunder he had made that morning. He pulled up his own username and paired it with the mobile carrier's domain at the very top of the drop-down menu.

 

He tapped to create a new message. There was no grand meaning or deep reason behind it. He was just killing time. Any action was fine, as long as it kept his day from ending on such a sterile, fruitless note. He used the handy tool in his hand because reaching out to a real friend with a pointless excuse felt too pathetic.

 

With his fingertip, he typed out the words:

“I’m sorry to bother you so late at night.”

 

════[changbins_delulu_wife]════

 

"Next week, they're doing a photo shoot for a media feature," Kazuaki said after dinner.

 

"When?"

 

"Friday. They could only get a slot from late afternoon into the evening. There's a chance they might not even be wrapped up by the time you get home."

 

"Then I’ll just find somewhere to kill some time."

 

Kazuaki worked in product design. As his reputation grew, people were starting to focus on him just as much as his creations. Features like creative interviews or photo spreads showcasing his favourite items at home weren't things Kazuaki particularly enjoyed, but he accepted them as a necessary part of business promotion. 

 

Sei actually liked seeing Kazuaki's expressions captured by professionals, and he enjoyed getting a rare glimpse of Kazuaki in full work mode. However, having the shoot take place here always made things a little awkward. Kazuaki would tell him, "Don't worry about it. We’re just two friends from our student days living together. That's all there is to it. This is your home too." Yet Sei felt it wasn't that simple. Two guys living together—if Sei were at least in a creative field, people might understand, but he just handled standard administrative work at an electronics manufacturer. It was impossible to expect people not to look at them through a magnifying glass.

 

Out of their two-bedroom apartment, they only ever showed visitors the living room and Kazuaki's home office. Naturally, the bedroom was completely off-limits. Even so, Sei always went out of his way to hide his toothbrush and cup from the sink area, tuck his shoes neatly away into the closet, and frantically erase any trace of his own existence. Every single time he did this, it irritated Kazuaki a little.

 

"Why do you have to do that? There's absolutely no reason for you to waste time outside," Kazuaki said. "I'll introduce you to the editor. They’re a pretty interesting person, and I think you two would get along."

 

"No, it's fine," Sei replied, shaking his head. 

 

"The editor isn't going to know what to do with themselves if you keep introducing your freeloader every single time."

 

"You're not a freeloader."

 

Sei could only offer a vague, non-committal smile in response to Kazuaki's words. And that was the truth of it. 

 

More than five years had already passed since Sei had drifted into the apartment Kazuaki had inherited from his parents. They had discussed him moving out countless times, but every single time Kazuaki would scold him, reason with him, or soothe him out of it. Sei had never even managed actually to pack his bags. He didn’t own many personal belongings to begin with, so if he had truly wanted to leave, he could have just walked out with nothing but the clothes on his back. 

 

The fact that he hadn't meant that, deep down, he probably just wanted Kazuaki to hold him back. Every month, Sei transferred a fixed amount of money to Kazuaki for expenses, but it was painfully obvious that Kazuaki never touched a single yen of it. 

 

What am I to him anyway? Sei often found himself wondering. He was living a comfortable, sheltered life in a high-rise apartment in the heart of the city—a place elevated in both its price tag and its actual altitude. He had a job, but even if he quit tomorrow, no one would complain. He was fulfilled, both materially and emotionally. Anyone he told would surely be envious of his life. In a way, he was like a lucky, pampered captive. 

 

If only Kazuaki would cross the line, claim him completely, and touch him. That—not a place to live, and not money—was Sei's only hidden wish. If Kazuaki told him never to set foot outside again, he would willingly obey. He would be perfectly content living a life in which he never looked at or spoke to anyone but Kazuaki for the rest of his days. But Kazuaki wanted no such thing. To him, Sei was a precious best friend, a presence closer than actual family. Because there wasn't a single shred of guilt or hidden desire on Kazuaki's side, he could openly say things like, 

 

"I'll introduce you to the editor."

 

"Next Friday is our peer gathering," Sei said, carrying the empty dishes over to the kitchen sink. "It works out perfectly, so I think I'll go show my face. I've been skipping it all this time, and my boss just chewed me out about it the other day."

 

"There's no need to force yourself to go to a gathering you aren't interested in," Kazuaki replied. It was a typical comment from someone who didn't work a corporate, salaryman job.

 

"No, it's not like I'm forcing myself. I've just been casually skipping out on it, that's all."

 

The simple truth was that, rather than drinking with coworkers, Sei always preferred to come straight home to spend time with Kazuaki. Even on nights when Kazuaki completely buried himself in his office, Sei just wanted to be under the same roof, feeling Kazuaki's presence.

 

"Are you sure?"

 

"Yeah."

 

Kazuaki stepped up right next to him, their shoulders lightly brushing against one another. Just that tiny bit of contact sent Sei's emotions surging up into his throat, making it a little hard to breathe.

 

"...It's fine, I'll finish up the dishes."

 

"Why?"

 

"You look like you're itching to get back to work."

 

"Was I really that absent-minded?"

 

Kazuaki lowered the outer corners of his eyebrows, looking a bit embarrassed. His gentle face, which had always seemed incapable of arguing or getting angry with anyone, suddenly took on a boyish, charming look. Sei couldn't help but smile, thinking about how adorable he was.

 

"What is it?" Kazuaki asked.

 

"You aren't absent-minded. You have this restless energy about you. ...I guess it's because we've known each other for so long."

 

"We haven't known each other long at all," Kazuaki countered. "We still have a long way to go."

 

"Yeah," Sei nodded. He meant it. He truly hoped their life together would keep going just like this. A quiet existence, completely untouched by the chaos of the world below. Because Sei loved Kazuaki.

 

Suddenly, a dish slipped from his soap-covered hands. Luckily, it fell right into the silicone washing basin, so no harm was done. Sei let out a sigh of relief after confirming there wasn't a single chip or crack on it. And then, he suddenly remembered what had happened earlier that day at the office.