FUTTARA DOSHABURI

part 8.

"...Kazuaki."

 

"Hm?"

 

"Do you know any women who are really into nails or nail salons?"

 

Awwwww Kazuaki paused halfway through his meal and looked at him curiously from across the dining table.

 

"What brought this on all of a sudden?"

 

"I banged my toe this morning and cracked a nail."

 

"They'd already treated it, and I wasn't showing any signs of being in pain anymore, so I figured I could tell you now."

 

"A colleague told me about a nail salon where someone he knows works. They repaired it free of charge. They didn't even make me sign up for one of those membership cards. Normally they'd ask you to fill in your address and everything, wouldn't they?"

 

"So?"

 

"They said it was a special case. Calling it 'special treatment' would probably be an exaggeration, but they really looked after me. Of course I was planning to thank them myself, but they said introducing a new customer would make them happiest."

 

Kazuaki cut him off before he could finish.

 

"...Wait a minute. Is that why you rushed out so quickly this morning?"

 

"...No, I really was just in a hurry..."

 

"Kazuaki..."

 

"Even so, you should've told me."

 

The firmness in Kazuaki's voice made Nakarai realise he'd upset him more than he'd expected.

 

"...Sorry."

 

"It isn't about that."

 

"I only banged it myself. It wasn't a big deal."

 

"That isn't the point."

 

"Yeah..."

 

Once the conversation died away, silence settled over the dining table. The clink of chopsticks against bowls and plates seemed strangely loud.

 

After they'd finished eating and cleared away the dishes, Kazuaki led Nakarai over to the sofa.

 

"Which toe did you hurt?"

 

"Hm? My right... index toe."

 

"Take your sock off."

 

"What? No..."

 

"I said take it off."

 

The words left no room for argument.

 

Reluctantly, Nakarai slipped off his sock.

 

*Am I destined to have people touching my feet today?*

 

Kazuaki knelt in front of him and gently lifted his foot, studying the cracked toenail on his second toe, where the repair had left it slightly thicker than before.

 

"...This is embarrassing."

 

"Don't move."

 

His voice was calm but firm.

 

"They disinfected it properly, didn't they? If it gets infected underneath, it'll be a real nuisance."

 

"It's fine. It doesn't even hurt."

 

"Really? What about here?"

 

He pressed lightly against the nail with his thumb. The acrylic protected it, so it didn't hurt at all.

 

His fingers brushed over Nakarai's toes. Then the arch of his foot. Then cradled his heel. Every touch sent a warm, ticklish sensation through him.

 

His heart started pounding.

 

*I want him to touch me more.*

 

But the warmth stirring inside him disappeared the moment he met Kazuaki's gentle, steady gaze.

 

*I'm such an idiot...*

 

He'd fallen for him all by himself. Got carried away all by himself. And now here he was, hurting all by himself.

 

"...It's okay."

 

Only after Kazuaki was satisfied did his expression soften.

 

"I can hardly tell where the crack was. They did a really good job coating it."

 

"They said it's acrylic resin."

 

"You can barely see the join."

 

He examined it with genuine curiosity.

 

"What is this stuff made of?"

 

"It's acrylic resin, apparently."

 

"I see."

 

The craftsman in him had clearly taken over.

 

"The finish is excellent."

 

He turned Nakarai's foot slightly as he admired the repair.

 

"So where exactly did you hit it?"

 

"The wardrobe door."

 

"I see. Even so, how did you manage that?"

 

"It wasn't that I misjudged the distance. I just opened the door and started walking at exactly the wrong moment."

 

"You still hit it pretty hard."

 

"Yeah. I wasn't rushing or anything. I was just walking normally, and then... bang."

 

"I know what you mean."

 

"You do?"

 

"When I'm tired, I sometimes bite the inside of my mouth while I'm eating."

 

"Huh?"

 

"It makes a horrible crunching sound."

 

He smiled wryly.

 

"It reminds me just how much force we use without even realising it whenever we eat."

 

"Have you ever cracked a nail before, Kazuaki?"

 

"No... but I understand the feeling."

 

Nakarai's foot slipped free from Kazuaki's hands like a fish wriggling loose before landing back on the floor.

 

"Yeah."

 

"It makes me realise how frightening it is..."

 

"What does?"

 

"The things we do without giving them a second thought. Sometimes they end up hurting someone so deeply, and we never even realise."

 

"..."

 

"So... whose story are you talking about?"

 

Nakarai gave a vague smile.

 

"Who knows?"

 

He wanted to be spiteful. If Kazuaki thought he was talking about himself, then so be it.

 

Perhaps Kaori didn't have any great reason for rejecting Hagiwara. Maybe she simply didn't feel like it. It had become a hassle. And because it felt like a hassle, nothing ever changed. 

 

Day after day passed until not having sex became the norm, as though it had never been part of their relationship in the first place.

 

That was why Hagiwara longed so desperately for someone to acknowledge that his sexual desire existed. Sexual desire wasn't the whole of who he was. But neither was a man without sexual desire.

 

Changing the subject, Nakarai began wondering what sort of gift he should buy for Kaori, partly to distract himself from the guilt creeping into his chest.

 

---

 

When Hagiwara arrived home, there was something on the dining table that hadn't been there that morning.

 

It was a teardrop-shaped glass ornament about thirty centimetres tall, filled to roughly three-quarters with a clear liquid. At the bottom, a milky-white layer had settled.

 

"What's this?"

 

"The colleague who came yesterday sent it."

 

Kaori answered from the kitchen while serving dinner.

 

"Mr Hanai?"

 

"Mm."

 

"So he really went."

 

"I know."

 

Hagiwara had asked Kaori to arrange the appointment, but work had been so busy he hadn't had a chance to ask how it had gone. Nor had he heard anything from Nakarai since.

 

"They even arranged same-day delivery. He's very thoughtful."

 

"Yeah. They wouldn't let me pay, so I feel like I only ended up making them feel obliged."

 

Beside the mysterious object—whether it was merely decorative or served some practical purpose—lay a small card.

 

'Thank you very much for yesterday. Please pass on my regards to Hagiwara-kun as well.'

 

Signed: **Nakarai Sei**

 

"...Hmm."

 

After reading it, Hagiwara casually set the card back down on the table.

 

"What is it?"

 

Kaori laughed.

 

"It's not something you eat."

 

For some reason, the teasing remark irritated him far more than it should have.

 

"What?"

 

"It's not that."

 

The curt reply surprised even himself.

 

"What's wrong? You're so impatient. You're like a child."

 

"Forget that."

 

He gestured towards the object on the table.

 

"What is this?"

 

"...Hagiwara?"

 

"...Sorry. It's nothing."

 

He let out a quiet sigh.

 

"I'll go wash my hands."

 

As he gently steered the conversation back on course, Kaori smiled.

 

"Today's dinner is all your favourites."

 

Back when they'd first started living together, there had often been moments when the slightest difference in timing or mood made the atmosphere turn unexpectedly tense.

 

Now, both Hagiwara and Kaori had learned how to smooth those moments over before they grew into real arguments.

 

Standing at the sink with water running over his hands, Hagiwara found himself wondering...

 

*If I were living with another woman... would I still be able to make these little compromises?*

 

Would love eventually come to include thoughts like:

 

*"We've finally reached a point where we understand each other. Starting all over again from scratch would be such a hassle."*

 

Could that, too, be a form of love?

 

*Stability... peace... complacency... where was the line between them?*

 

He rinsed the soap from his hands. No... that wasn't it. Why had he become so irritated just now?

 

He scrubbed his fingertips together beneath the running water. Kaori had said Nakarai was thoughtful. But Nakarai hadn't contacted Hagiwara at all.

 

*Well, of course not...*

 

All I'd done was arrange the appointment. It only took five minutes. Still... he could've at least sent me a message saying he'd been, couldn't he? I held back because I thought asking might sound as though I expected gratitude.

 

Instead, he thanked Kaori. He’d even sent that overly formal little card.

 

*"Please pass on my regards..."*

 

What was that supposed to mean? It wasn't even addressed to me. Was that really why he'd annoyed me so much?

 

He splashed more water over his hands.

 

*Was I... jealous?*

 

Was it because he'd skipped right past me and thanked Kaori instead?

 

No… That didn't feel quite right either. The thought of him trying to win over another man's girlfriend didn't bother him. Nor was he worried about Kaori misunderstanding anything.

 

That wasn't it at all.

 

"...I'm tying myself in knots."

 

"Hagiwara! Dinner's ready whenever you are."

 

"I'm coming."

 

He dried his hands and, with that, pushed thoughts of Nakarai to the back of his mind.

 

As they ate, Kaori slid a folded leaflet across the table.

 

"Here. It's the instruction booklet. Read it later."

 

"I want to see it now."

 

"Honestly... don't read while you're eating."

 

Ignoring Kaori's gentle scolding, Hagiwara unfolded the leaflet.bApparently the strange object was called a storm glass.

 

According to the leaflet, it had been used for weather forecasting since the Age of Exploration. The liquid inside wasn't water but ethanol mixed with camphor.

 

"So it predicts the weather?"

 

"That's right."

 

"Using this?"

 

"They say it does."

 

"It sounds like fortune-telling."

 

"It isn't. Apparently changes in air pressure make those white crystals at the bottom change shape. That's what the instructions say."

 

"So there really is some science behind it."

 

"What is it?"

 

"It's made by a brand called Vostok."

 

"Vostok?"

 

The unfamiliar name sounded almost like the name of a sweet.

 

"What sort of brand is that?"

 

"They make furniture and household items. It's run by several designers working together. The table in our bedroom is one of theirs."

 

"...Do they make bags as well?"

 

"I think so. I'm not really sure."

 

"I see."

 

Just then, the telephone rang. It happened while Kaori was in the bath. The caller was the same colleague Hagiwara had unexpectedly run into only a few days earlier.

 

"Hello?"

 

"'Well... this is embarrassing.'"

 

"Don't flirt around near the office. It makes things awkward for the rest of us."

 

"'So you noticed after all?'"

 

"Of course I noticed."

 

"'I thought you might.'"

 

The complete lack of remorse in his voice made it obvious he didn't feel even the slightest guilt about betraying his girlfriend.

 

"So what are you going to do? You're still with her, aren't you?"

 

"'Well... it's complicated. It's not entirely my fault.'"

 

"Then all the more reason to break up with her properly before you move on to someone else."

 

"'You're such a stickler for that sort of thing.'"

 

"You're the one who's careless."

 

"'By the way... who was the person you were with?'"

 

"The one from General Affairs. Nakarai. We joined the company at the same time."

 

"'Ah... I thought I recognised him. Are you two close?'"

 

"So-so."

 

"'Do me a favour and keep him quiet as well.'"

 

"There's no need. He's not the sort of person to go around gossiping, and the two of you don't even know each other."

 

"'Still... you never know. The world's a small place. You'd be surprised how people end up connected.'"

 

"I suppose that's true."

 

People really did cross paths in the most unexpected ways.

 

After ending the call, Kaori poked her head out from the dressing room.

 

"Who was that?"

 

"A colleague."

 

"Work?"

 

"No."

 

He'd considered telling her about Adachi, but it wasn't exactly a pleasant topic. There was always the chance she'd say, "Then why don't you tell his girlfriend?"

 

He didn't want that conversation.

 

"Oh, Hagiwara."

 

"Hm?"

 

"Are you free the Saturday after next?"

 

"I think so. Is there somewhere you want to go?"

 

"Do you remember Ayako? The one who used to come into the café? I mentioned her before."

 

"She invited us over for dinner. Her husband will be there too."

 

"...Really?"

 

"Will you come?"

 

He smiled.

 

"Won't they be judging me?"

 

Kaori laughed mischievously.

 

"Who knows?"

 

With that, she disappeared back into the dressing room to dry her hair.

 

---

 

Hagiwara opened the calendar on his phone, entered the new appointment, then opened his browser.

 

Normally, he'd choose somewhere easy to get to from the office. This time, however, he searched for somewhere that required changing trains.

 

Perhaps he'd run out of ideas. Or perhaps...he simply wanted to avoid running into another colleague the way they had the previous week.

 

---

 

"Oh, this is good."

 

He picked up a piece of quiche with his chopsticks.

 

"Want to try some?"

 

The standing wine bar specialised in casual French food served with chopsticks, all for around five hundred yen a dish.

 

Hagiwara took a sip of his red wine and shook his head.

 

"I'm good."

 

"...Are you in a bad mood?"

 

"Not really."

 

"You're lying."

 

"Am I?"

 

"Come on... tell me."

 

"If I've done something wrong, I'll apologise."

 

Ever since they'd met up, Hagiwara had smiled less than usual and barely spoken.

 

"You assume I haven't done anything wrong?"

 

"I can't think of anything I have."

 

The two of them hadn't met since their brief conversation in front of the lifts the previous Wednesday. Even though they worked for the same company, being in different departments meant they rarely crossed paths.

 

"So... about that."

 

"Hm?"

 

"The storm glass."

 

"Oh, that."

 

"My girlfriend loves it. Every time she comes home, she goes over to look at it."

 

"...Really?"

 

Hagiwara's expression softened for the first time all evening.

 

"Thank you."

 

The conversation didn't quite connect.

 

Nakarai blinked.

 

"...Huh?"

 

"It wasn't anything special."

 

"If anything..."

 

He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

 

"I'd actually been worried."

 

"Worried?"

 

"After that... I never got an email or anything. I started wondering if I'd done something wrong."

 

"...Ah."

 

"I suppose I should apologise."

 

It suddenly occurred to Nakarai that perhaps he'd been rude. Hagiwara had been the one who introduced him to the salon, yet he'd never once let him know how it had gone. He'd simply enclosed a note with the gift instead.

 

"I didn't mean anything by it."

 

"I was just thinking..."

 

He searched for the right words.

 

"If I had to explain it... I wanted to tell you in person the next time we met."

 

"In person?"

 

"Yeah."

 

"I could've sent you an email, but then I wouldn't have seen your reaction."

 

He laughed sheepishly.

 

"I wanted to tell you how beautiful your girlfriend is."

 

"..."

 

"And..."

 

He smiled awkwardly.

 

"I thought it'd be nicer to say it face to face."

 

As he spoke, Nakarai suddenly felt embarrassed. Listening to himself, it sounded as though he'd been looking forward to seeing Hagiwara again far more than he'd realised.

 

Like counting down the days until the end of the summer holidays. Like arriving back at school with stories you'd been saving up to tell your friends.

 

He'd been restless. An email hadn't been enough. He'd wanted to meet him. To see his face. That was why the note he'd enclosed with the gift had ended up sounding so formal and distant.

 

"So you really do worry about the little things."

 

"...I suppose I do."

 

"You sound like a girl. Wondering whether someone's going to reply to your messages."

 

"...That's not it."

 

For some reason, the comment seemed to irritate Hagiwara.

 

"No, that's completely different."

 

The denial came so quickly that it surprised Nakarai.

 

"What do you mean?"

 

"You've figured something out, haven't you?"

 

Nakarai didn't press him.

 

Instead, he smiled.

 

"I think I finally understand."

 

"What?"

 

"I think I've worked out why the words 'cheating' or 'paying for sex' never come out of your mouth."

 

"..."

 

"Living with someone as beautiful as your girlfriend, you probably don't even think about other women."

 

"No."

 

Hagiwara shook his head immediately.

 

"That's completely different."

 

The certainty in his voice caught Nakarai off guard. It almost sounded as though Hagiwara was telling him he understood nothing at all.

 

"Why?"

 

"It's hard to explain."

 

Hagiwara looked down into his wine glass.

 

"I think men fall into two groups."

 

"...Two groups?"

 

"When it comes to paying for sex."

 

"There are men who can do it without a second thought... and men who simply can't."

 

"I'm the latter."

 

"Why?"

 

"Because the moment money changes hands..."

 

He smiled bitterly.

 

"...the whole thing just feels unbearably sad."

 

"I couldn't get an erection."

 

"I thought all you sales guys went."

 

"What kind of stereotype is that?"

 

"So... what about cheating?"

 

"It's wrong."

 

He answered without hesitation. Nakarai continued watching him, and Hagiwara scratched the back of his neck before reluctantly adding,

 

"That's the ideal answer, of course."

 

"Don't stare at me like that."

 

"I'm not. I'm just looking."

 

"Anyway..."

 

Hagiwara looked faintly uncomfortable.

 

"I have thought about it."

 

"Oh?"

 

"I've wondered what it'd be like if I just... got it over with somewhere outside and then went home, so I could spend the rest of the evening with a clear conscience."

 

"You don't need to reassure me that much."

 

"I know."

 

Nakarai ordered another glass of wine for each of them.

 

"So why haven't you?"

 

"Well... obviously because I have a conscience, and because I love my girlfriend."

 

He paused.

 

"But..."

 

"...I'm probably just afraid of getting caught."

 

"That's honest."

 

"I could only admit something like this to you, Nakarai-san."

 

With those words, he picked up a piece of white-rind cheese.

 

The rind was firm, almost like it had been dusted with icing sugar, but once he bit through it, the soft, fermented centre oozed gently beneath the surface.

 

Nakarai found himself watching the few seconds it took for Hagiwara to bring it to his mouth.

 

For some reason the sight made him think of the tender flesh inside someone's mouth. He became aware of a faint warmth spreading through his own body.

 

It wasn't overwhelming, nor urgent enough that he had to do something about it immediately, but a quiet heat had definitely been kindled deep inside him.

 

*So this... is what people mean when they say a switch has been flipped.*

 

Why now? It was ridiculous. As though Hagiwara had whispered something sweet enough to make his heart race.

 

No...That wasn't it. Perhaps it was because Hagiwara had said,

 

*"I could only tell you this."*

 

Even if there was no one else there to hear it there was an immeasurable difference between zero and one.

 

"So..."

 

Hagiwara looked unusually serious.

 

"There's actually something I haven't told my girlfriend either."

 

"You too?"

 

"Yes."

 

"What sort of secret?"

 

"When I was in Year Four..."

 

He gave a sheepish smile.

 

"...I stole five hundred yen from my mum's purse."

 

"...What?"

 

Nakarai burst out laughing. He'd braced himself for a confession as serious as all the worries they'd been discussing about sex.

 

"That's it?"

 

"Yeah."

 

"Is that really all?"

 

"It is."

 

"The other day, when Adachi came up..."

 

Hagiwara looked down into his wine glass.

 

"It reminded me."

 

"When my mum found out, she cried while telling me something I've never forgotten."

 

"'Heaven's net is wide, but nothing slips through.'"

 

"In other words..."

 

"...wrongdoing always comes to light."

 

Nakarai nodded slowly.

 

"I suppose she's right."

 

"So..."

 

Hagiwara looked at him thoughtfully.

 

"Do you think someone would still cheat if they were guaranteed they'd never be caught?"

 

"What?"

 

"I mean..."

 

"If there really were a situation where getting caught was absolutely impossible?"

 

"But if..."

 

"There isn't any 'if'."

 

"This conversation's going nowhere."

 

Hagiwara let out a sigh.

 

"You're surprisingly stubborn."

 

"It's not about being stubborn."

 

Leaning forwards, Hagiwara rested both elbows on the table and looked up at Nakarai from a lower angle than usual.

 

It was only a slight change in perspective, yet somehow Nakarai found it difficult to meet his eyes.

 

"What are you trying to get me to say?"

 

"What do you mean?"

 

"You want me to admit that, if I could commit the perfect crime, I'd cheat."

 

He gave a wry smile.

 

"Most people would probably be tempted if they knew they could get away with it."

 

"..."

 

"Do you want to hear me say that so you can tell me what a terrible person I am?"

 

"It's not that..."

 

Nakarai's voice faltered. Why had he even asked the question? If the circumstances allowed it, would Hagiwara betray his girlfriend?

 

What would proving that achieve? The truth was...He'd never once thought of Hagiwara as a terrible person.

 

"Hiraiwa..."

 

A voice interrupted them before he could finish.

 

"Huh?"

 

They both looked up.

 

A familiar face was making his way over from a table a few seats away.

 

"...Hiraiwa."

 

The old friend crossed the five years that had separated them with the same warm, open smile Nakarai remembered.

 

"Oh, thank goodness. It really is you, Hanai."

 

"I thought I might've mistaken you for someone else."

 

He gave Hagiwara a polite nod before turning back to Nakarai, unable to stop himself firing off one question after another.

 

"Do you work around here?"

 

"My office's just down the road. I can't believe we've never run into each other before."

 

"Hang on... you're working now, right? Judging by the way you're dressed... were you just heading home?"

 

The questions came one after another, just as they always had. Nakarai's chest tightened with a rush of emotions.

 

Nostalgia. Guilt for letting the friendship fade. Happiness at seeing him again. He couldn't find the words.

 

"...Sorry."

 

Hiraiwa raised a hand apologetically.

 

"I got carried away."

 

"...Yeah."

 

Nakarai finally managed a nod.

 

"How've you been?"

 

"...I'm okay."

 

"That's good."

 

After a brief pause, Hiraiwa smiled.

 

"By the way..."

 

"Are you still in touch with Fujisawa?"

 

"...What?"

 

Hearing Kazuaki's surname spoken aloud caught him completely off guard.

 

To Nakarai, he'd always simply been **Kazuaki**.

 

There had never been anyone else between them who needed him to think of him by his surname. The unfamiliar sound of it left him strangely unsettled.

 

"Back then..."

 

Hiraiwa scratched his head awkwardly.

 

"Fujisawa ended up acting as the go-between for everyone."

 

"Well... you two were close."

 

"He kept telling us, 'Sei doesn't want to see anyone right now.' I figured that was probably for the best."

 

"But I asked him to tell you that if you ever felt well enough to see people again—even if it was just to come out for a drink—you should get in touch."

 

"I'm... really sorry."

 

The apology escaped Nakarai's lips before he'd even had time to think.

 

"The manufacturer's called *Vostok*."

 

Hagiwara suddenly spoke.

 

"...What?"

 

"It's the name of a lake in Antarctica."

 

Nakarai looked at him blankly.

 

"The company that made the storm glass you gave Kaori."

 

"..."

 

"You shouldn't act as though you know everything."

 

"I don't."

 

Hagiwara smiled faintly.

 

"But I probably know more than you think."

 

"What are you getting at?"

 

Was he trying to say Kazuaki had done something wrong?

 

"What?"

 

"...That man earlier. Hiraiwa-san."

 

Hagiwara remained calm.

 

"But you weren't in the wrong either, were you?"

 

"...No."

 

"Then what was all that about? You didn't do anything wrong."

 

"I'm sorry."

 

Hagiwara apologised without arguing once.

 

That only made Nakarai snap back,

 

"Idiot."

 

He hadn't wanted to say it.

 

If only Hiraiwa hadn't found him. If only there hadn't been even the smallest crack in the quiet life he'd built with Kazuaki.

 

"..."

 

"Why did you pick somewhere like this?"

 

"Huh?"

 

"If we'd met somewhere near the office like usual..."

 

The irritation burst out before he could stop it, and he ended up taking it out on Hagiwara.

 

"You all right?"

 

Hagiwara waved a hand in front of his face.

 

"You've completely zoned out, Nakarai-san."

 

His light-hearted tone was probably deliberate. Nakarai had looked so lost in thought that Hagiwara was trying to ease the mood.

 

But he couldn't. He couldn't stop thinking about it. Hiraiwa had said he'd asked Kazuaki to pass on a message. Yet Kazuaki had never told him. Was his memory simply hazy from that time in his life?

 

No...That wasn't it. Only the other day he'd mentioned Hiraiwa's name, and Kazuaki hadn't reacted at all.

 

Why? If he didn't understand, all he had to do was ask. It should have been that simple. So why was he so frightened? The one clinging to Kazuaki...Depending on him...Trying to keep him all to himself...was Nakarai.

 

"He was a good guy."

 

Nakarai answered quietly.

 

"We were friends at university."

 

"After my parents died... I completely fell apart."

 

"I haven't seen him since."

 

"He seemed like a nice person."

 

"He is."

 

Hagiwara watched Hiraiwa's back disappear through the door.

 

"Was it really okay to let him go like that?"

 

"We didn't even exchange contact details."

 

"Why didn't he give you Kazuaki's address?"

 

Nakarai hesitated.

 

"...I..."

 

It was an obvious lie.

 

"I've actually been meaning to change my phone soon."

 

Hiraiwa laughed.

 

"Hey, don't worry. I'm not blaming you. It couldn't be helped."

 

Then he smiled.

 

"Still... since we finally ran into each other, can I at least get your number?"

 

Nakarai froze.

 

Hiraiwa must have understood.

 

His expression said, *I know... but I'll pretend I don't.*

 

"See you around."

 

With that, he left the restaurant.

 

*See you...*

 

When would that be?

 

*Wait...*

 

Nakarai wanted to call after him. He wanted to stop him. But his feet felt rooted to the floor. He couldn't move. Not even a single step.

---

 

"So what?"

 

Nakarai's tone almost became defiant, as though he already knew Hagiwara was about to touch on something important.

 

"I looked up the website."

 

"It listed about five designers working under the same brand name."

 

"...And one of them caught my attention."

 

Hagiwara drained the last of the wine from his glass before quietly speaking the name aloud.

 

"...Fujisawa Kazuaki."

 

Silence.

 

That was enough to answer enough.

 

"And... his birthday is the twenty-seventh of September, isn't it?"

 

Nakarai said nothing. His silence was all the confirmation Hagiwara needed.

 

"The strange thing is, I'd never really thought about my own email address before."

 

"But the moment I saw why your email had ended up in my inbox..."

 

"...I realised."

 

Both of them used **kazuaki** followed by their birthdate. The only difference was their mobile carrier. If email addresses could have used kanji, it never would have happened.

 

"So that's when you realised..."

 

"That the person you like has the same name and the same birthday as me."

 

"Yeah."

 

Nakarai lowered his eyes.

 

"I probably shouldn't have chosen something from Kazuaki's brand."

 

"I couldn't think of a thank-you gift, so I picked one without really thinking."

 

"It was embarrassing."

 

"Did it bother you?"

 

"Not really."

 

Hagiwara gave a faint smile, brushing the sharpness from Nakarai's words.

 

"It just made me think..."

 

"What?"

 

"...That you really do love him."

 

Nakarai looked up.

 

"His name."

 

"His birthday."

 

"Those are such ordinary things."

 

He laughed quietly.

 

"Most high-school girls wouldn't even go that far."

 

"But somehow that was exactly why I realised how serious your feelings are."

 

Hagiwara hesitated. Today, unlike usual, he seemed to struggle to find the right words.

 

"What?"

 

"...No."

 

"Come on."

 

"It's nothing."

 

"If you feel sorry for me or something, just say it."

 

"No."

 

"What, then?"

 

Hagiwara let out a small sigh.

 

"...At first, I'll admit..."

 

"I almost laughed."

 

Nakarai frowned.

 

"But after that..."

 

"...I couldn't."

 

"Why not?"

 

"Because..."

 

He met Nakarai's eyes.

 

"...I realised just how deeply you've loved him all this time."

---

 

After they left the restaurant, Nakarai said,

 

"I can't do next week."

 

"Hm?"

 

"We're preparing for the shareholders' meeting."

 

"Oh..."

 

"So I can't exactly leave work on time for a while."

 

"I see."

 

They walked together in silence for a while.

 

"...Shall we head out?"

 

Hagiwara could tell Nakarai was still shaken by running into Hiraiwa. He deliberately kept the conversation light for Nakarai's sake.

 

"Sorry."

 

"You were the one who suggested meeting."

 

"I know."

 

"Well..."

 

"...The rainy season's almost here."

 

"So it is."

 

"You don't carry an umbrella, do you, Nakarai-san?"

 

"No."

 

"Then you won't be able to walk home if it rains."

 

"That's got nothing to do with anything."

 

"...True."

 

Hagiwara smiled.

 

"Well then..."

 

"I'll head back to the JR line."

 

"Yeah."

 

As Hagiwara turned his back and started to walk away Nakarai was suddenly overwhelmed by a feeling he couldn't explain.

 

For some reason it felt as though, once Hagiwara disappeared from sight they would never see each other again. Nakarai silently nodded.

 

It struck him as odd. He'd been the one who stopped Hagiwara, yet somehow Hagiwara was now the one inviting him.

 

"Then let's grab one coffee at that café over there before we part. It won't even take ten minutes."

 

"...Okay."

 

"What a complicated person you are."

 

Hagiwara let out a quiet sigh.

 

For some reason, Nakarai's shoulders twitched.

 

"...I don't know."

 

"Then why did you stop me?"

 

"..."

 

"I need to go home."

 

He repeated the words to himself. Going home should have meant security. A place where he belonged. Someone was waiting for him. His own small sense of contentment.

 

Yet the words themselves clung heavily around his feet, like thick glue, filling him with unease.

 

*What if I can't move forward?*

 

*What if I stay stuck here forever?*

 

The hot-air balloon in the distance, Perhaps it had never existed at all. Without finding an answer, he repeated to himself,

 

"I have to go home."

 

"But your girlfriend's waiting for you too, isn't she?"

 

"You were the one who asked."

 

"I know, but..."

 

"If I just send one text, it'll be fine."

 

"She isn't the jealous or possessive type."

 

"...I'm not going."

 

He answered immediately.

 

"What if there was somewhere nearby?"

 

"No."

 

Instead of dismissing the question as ridiculous, Hagiwara simply continued talking as though it were perfectly ordinary.

 

Little by little, the tension inside Nakarai began to ease.

 

"Do you know..."

 

"Hm?"

 

"...that hot-air balloon you see at the optician's?"

 

"The optician?"

 

Hagiwara looked puzzled for a moment before understanding.

 

"Oh... the one you see through those lenses during the eye test? The balloon floating in the distance down the road?"

 

"Yeah."

 

"I've always wondered whether that landscape actually exists somewhere."

 

"I don't know."

 

"I'd like to go there."

 

"To that view?"

 

"Yeah."

 

He imagined standing there with Hagiwara. Talking aimlessly. Falling into comfortable silences. That lonely landscape—peaceful, yet somehow desolate—felt strangely comforting.

 

"Then..."

 

Hagiwara looked at him gently.

 

"...shall we go and see the balloon?"

 

"What?"

 

The words escaped before he could think.

 

"Let's go somewhere else for a while."

 

"..."

 

Hagiwara had already started to walk away.

 

Without thinking, Nakarai reached out and caught hold of the cuff of his suit jacket with the tips of his fingers.

 

It was such a hesitant touch that Hagiwara could easily have brushed it away without even noticing.

 

Instead...he stopped. Then slowly turned back to face him.

---

 

Hagiwara was a kind man. Sitting in silence over weak coffee at a chain café had helped settle Nakarai's nerves. Neither of them had spoken.

 

When they finished, they returned their trays to the counter beside the till and started over with a quiet,

 

"Well then..."

 

This time, Nakarai didn't reach out to stop him. Hagiwara had somewhere to go home to. Thinking of Kaori's face, Nakarai felt just a little calmer.

---

 

When Hagiwara got home, the storm glass looked completely different. The cloudy liquid that had settled at the bottom had transformed into a dense cluster of frost-like crystals, resembling the branches of a snow-covered tree.

 

It was the first time he'd seen anything like it.

 

"...Huh?"

 

"What on earth is that?"

 

"It hasn't gone mouldy and hardened, has it?"

 

The sight made him instinctively take a step back.

 

Kaori, who had been hanging the washing in the bathroom, wandered over and stared at it with wide eyes.

 

"Wow..."

 

"So it really works."

 

"It says in the instructions that it changes like this when rain is coming."

 

"This is the first time I've seen it."

 

"Come to think of it, the rainy season started yesterday."

 

"...Do you think it's actually accurate?"

 

"I don't know."

 

Kaori smiled.

 

"I'll take a folding umbrella with me tonight, just in case."

---

 

Ayako's new home—Kaori's former colleague's—really was every bit as impressive as she'd described.bAt over one hundred and fifty square metres, it felt enormous. There were even two toilets.

 

Even allowing for the fact that part of the house doubled as her private salon, it still seemed far larger than any ordinary family needed.

 

Ayako and her husband looked exactly like the sort of couple you'd imagine living in a place like this.

 

The spacious living room was matched by an equally impressive island kitchen, and dish after dish appeared before them.

 

Terrine. Beef tongue stew. Everything had the unmistakable feel of food prepared by someone who had properly studied cooking.

 

*It's delicious...*

 

*...but eating like this every single day might be exhausting.*

 

The thought crossed Hagiwara's mind, and he immediately felt guilty for thinking it.

 

"Would you like some more wine, Hagiwara-kun?"

 

"Oh... thank you."

 

"I'd love some."

 

The generous pour of red wine was clearly expensive. Even with only his experience as a salesman, he could tell that much.

 

*Good thing I didn't turn up with a cheap bottle of champagne...*

 

The thought quietly relieved him.

 

"Is it really all right if I'm the only one drinking?"

 

"My husband can't hold his drink."

 

Ayako answered for him.

 

"He hardly drinks at all, and he doesn't eat much either."

 

She smiled fondly.

 

"It's nice having a young man with a healthy appetite here for a change. It gives me a chance to show off my cooking."

 

"I'm sorry for imposing."

 

"Not at all."

 

The husband smiled warmly.

 

"I can understand why Kaori's always so proud of you."

 

"...What?"

 

"I've never boasted about him."

 

"Oh, yes you have."

 

Ayako laughed.

 

"When you first started dating, every lunch break was 'my boyfriend this' and 'my boyfriend that.'"

 

"I did not!"

 

"Yes, you did."

 

The couple laughed together.

 

Watching the exchange, Hagiwara found himself strangely surprised by his own reaction.

 

He wasn't particularly happy. But neither was he unhappy.bIt all felt oddly distant...bAs though he were simply watching someone else's life unfold.

 

*...Does that make me a terribly cold person?*

 

The thought unsettled him.