EXTERN

Chapter 31

 

"Come and eat already."

 

[...Dad says he's too lazy to come back to the house for breakfast.]

 

I immediately pulled the kind of face you make when you've breathed in deeply but somehow can't breathe all the way back out.

 

Those two, father and son, even if they weren't actually related by blood, had been enjoying themselves far too much working in the factory and out in the fields since the crack of dawn. Mum and I had called them over and over again to come and eat breakfast, but neither of them seemed remotely interested in coming back.

 

And I had to leave for work soon.

 

Sigh~

 

I was already starting to want to go back and specialise.

 

That's just how it is, really. As a general practitioner, there are limits to what you can do. In the end, you still have to refer patients to bigger hospitals. These days, there are more and more medical lawsuits, so if you're not a specialist, you have to be particularly careful. That's exactly why doctors are in such short supply in provincial areas...They've all gone off to continue their training.

 

Per had been living at my house for almost a month now. Mum seemed much more willing to open her heart to him after that intensive training course she'd received from Doctor Natcha. Just thinking about it made me want to bow down and thank that woman.

 

And Per had been wasting absolutely no time earning points either. He pampered my mum so much that sometimes it irritated the hell out of me. There were even moments when I felt like I'd been demoted from my position as her favourite child.

 

"Fine, I'm not waiting. I have to go to work."

 

I deliberately put a little pressure into my voice over the phone, hoping to make my boyfriend hesitate. I had to round the wards before starting OPD, after all.

 

Since Per had been staying at my parents' house, I'd stopped sleeping at the doctors' accommodation near the hospital. That meant I had to wake up earlier because it took almost half an hour to drive from home to the hospital.

 

[Aww... can't you wait for me a little longer?]

 

"Per... I have to work. It's far!"

 

I spoke as I unlocked the car and climbed into the driver's seat. If I kept messing around, I'd definitely be late.

 

[Aww...]

 

"We'll eat dinner together instead, okay?"

 

Without waiting for him to answer, I ended the call.

 

It was only a meal.

 

We could eat together whenever.

 

"Do you want children someday, Kan?"

 

I lifted my head from the life-saving cup of coffee one of the nurses had found for me. This was what happened when there were only a handful of young male doctors in the hospital. You got fussed over a little. I stared blankly at the senior colleague who'd suddenly asked the question completely out of nowhere.

 

"Mm... I do. But definitely not in the near future. To be honest, I'm not particularly good with children anyway."

 

I answered while lowering my head to finish the charts for patients who'd already been discharged.

 

It was after midday now.

 

I was starting to get hungry.

 

"But I think having children is a good thing... they teach us a lot."

 

I considered her words and suddenly thought of a senior physician who had become famous throughout the medical community.

 

Doctor Phum.

 

He was the first man to successfully become pregnant and have a child after receiving an implanted artificial womb. And his little boy was ridiculously adorable too.

 

"If I ever had that opportunity, I suppose I'd be as lucky as you, P'Rak."

 

I smiled at the heavily pregnant mother sitting opposite me, and she smiled brightly back.

 

Becoming a parent wasn't easy. It wasn't simply about carrying a baby and giving birth. It meant taking care of them and protecting them from the moment they were in the womb until they grew up to become part of society. And the hardest part was probably teaching and raising them.

 

Personally, I still didn't think I was mature enough to teach anyone else how to live.

 

Everything took time.

 

Rrrrrrrrrrrrrr~

 

"Hm?"

 

[I'm about to bring you lunch that I cooked myself. I made steamed egg with minced pork, and Massaman curry—the one you like.]

 

A smile immediately spread across my face at how sweet and thoughtful my boyfriend was.

 

Per had always been adorable. He treated me so well. Better than anyone I'd ever dated.

 

Sometimes he was so good to me that I felt terrible whenever I did something wrong, whether I'd realised it at the time or not.

 

But it really was wonderful having someone who could accept you exactly as you were.

 

"Okay. Drive carefully. The roads around here are really open, so trucks and cars tend to drive too fast."

 

I quickly warned my boyfriend.

 

Although, to be fair, Per was almost certainly a better driver than I was. At the very least, he definitely wasn't as dangerous behind the wheel as me.

 

[Yes, darling. See you soon.]

 

"Mm..."

 

[...I love you.]

 

"Hm?... Why are you suddenly saying that?"

 

[I just want you to know... I love you, Kan.]

 

"Mm... love you too."

 

I sat there grinning like an idiot even after he'd hung up.

 

Fine.

 

I'd wait and eat my boyfriend's cooking. By the time it was after one in the afternoon, I was getting hangry. And annoyed with my boyfriend. He'd told me to wait, so I'd waited. And now what? I still hadn't eaten anything, and I had to go back to seeing outpatients. If he wasn't going to make it in time, he could've at least told me. He shouldn't have made me wait!

 

WEE-OOO! WEE-OOO!

 

The sound of an ambulance siren suddenly blared from the patient drop-off area.

 

Shouting and commotion outside were loud enough to reach my examination room, making me lean out to look at the chaos. Nurses and staff were running everywhere. Had there been some sort of major accident? I felt sorry for whoever was on duty in the emergency room. They were going to be incredibly busy.

 

"Doctor Kan!"

 

"Yes?"

 

I was clicking through a prescription for a patient who'd come in with a cold when one of the nurses came running into the back of my examination room looking panicked.

 

"Please go and help Doctor Rak. Two cars collided with a lorry. There are four injured patients."

 

I immediately nodded and rushed towards the emergency department.

 

I'd completely forgotten that today's emergency doctor was P'Rak, the heavily pregnant colleague I'd just been talking to.

 

"This patient is losing a lot of blood. His BP is dropping too. Start Levophed. Get a FAST scan now, bring the machine over!"

 

My stomach dropped as I looked at each of the critically injured patients.

 

Then I reached the final bed.

 

And nearly collapsed where I stood.

 

"PER!!!"

 

I ran towards my unconscious boyfriend, his entire body covered in blood. I used the sleeve of my own white coat to wipe blood away from his handsome face and eyes. Tears immediately blurred everything in front of me. I hurriedly checked his vital signs.

 

My mind was both racing and completely blank at the same time. I didn't know what I was supposed to do first. For the first time in my life, I felt like the most useless doctor in the world.

 

I stood there fumbling, feeling as though I was only getting in everybody's way. What was I supposed to do first!?

 

"Kan!"

 

I flinched at P'Rak's voice, and it finally pulled some awareness back into me.

 

"Don't lose your fucking mind yet! Call for an emergency transfer right now. I need to send the critical patients to the regional hospital."

 

I nodded frantically and ran to prepare the emergency referral documents.

 

My hand kept roughly wiping tears from my face because I couldn't afford to care about anything else. Per's vital signs were still holding for now. But if we waited much longer, they wouldn't.

 

Our hospital could only stabilise him enough to transfer him somewhere better equipped.

 

My hands were stiff and ice-cold. It felt like my heart had stopped beating. I didn't know what I was supposed to do with my life from this point onwards. Everything had happened so quickly. There was nothing I could control.

 

WEE-OOO! WEE-OOO!

 

The staff wheeled Per's stretcher into the transfer ambulance. I asked to go with him. The longer I sat staring at my boyfriend, who still refused to wake up and talk to me, the harder I cried. What kind of cruel joke was God playing on me!?

 

"Per! Wake up and fucking talk to me first!!"

 

I shouted at his unconscious body and gripped his increasingly cold hand as tightly as I could.

 

Wake up first.

Wake up and talk to me.

Wake up and hold my hand.

 

"Mm... darling... don't... don't leave me."

 

"..."

 

There was no answer.

 

Even the nurse travelling with us had lowered her head and started crying because she felt sorry for me.

 

I didn't know what to do anymore.

 

"Didn't you say we were going to get married... remember?"

 

"Didn't you say we'd stay together..."

 

"..."

 

"..."

 

"Hic... wake up first. Tell me you love me again."

 

"You said wherever I am, that's where you're happy... I'm right here, so why won't you open your eyes and look at me?"

 

There was still no response.

 

The ambulance was moving quickly, but to me it felt unbearably slow. Would the person I loved survive long enough to reach our destination?

 

Please.

Please let us go home together again.

 

Nearly three hours passed. Per was still in there. Still inside the operating theatre, just like the other victims of the accident. I sat outside, crying until there were no tears left to fall. Even the second hand on the clock seemed to be moving too slowly.

 

"Kan."

 

"Mum..."

 

It felt like it was happening again. I'd brought misfortune upon her son again.

 

Whoosh!

 

I didn't know what else I could possibly do.

 

"Oh, sweetheart!"

 

I dropped to the floor and bowed at the feet of the mother of the man I loved. My tears came pouring out all over again, dripping onto the floor as guilt and grief overwhelmed me.

 

Khunying Kalaya and Khun Kawin quickly pulled me up and hugged me, comforting me as though to say everything was all right. Even though both of them were crying just as hard as I was.

 

"I'm sorry. This is my fault... hic... If Per hadn't been driving to see me, none of this would've happened."

 

"Don't cry, sweetheart... this isn't your fault at all. Your father and I already spoke to the police. They said the lorry driver was drunk and ran a red light."

 

I shook my head over and over, nearly tearing at my own hair from the stress. It felt as though my entire world had collapsed. What was I supposed to do now?

 

"Win."

 

"Yeah."

 

My father's voice sounded nearby as both my mum and dad arrived.

 

"Per still hasn't come out... it's been three hours."

 

Mum pulled me into her arms. I saw that she was crying too.

 

Per...

 

Hurry up and wake up so you can see my mum crying because of you.

 

Bang!

 

"Family of Mr Korawit?"

 

"Me! I'm his father."

 

Khun Kawin hurried towards the doctor who had just emerged from the emergency operating theatre. I rushed over with him.

 

"At the moment, we can say that the patient is stable to a certain extent. However, his condition is still serious. He may need another operation if the internal bleeding doesn't decrease or if any other complications develop. I'd also like the family to arrange blood donors in case another emergency surgery becomes necessary."

 

It felt as though my soul had left my body.

 

My legs gave way beneath me and I collapsed to the floor as tears began to seep from my eyes again. That meant Per's condition was still critical. And if he needed another operation, the risks would only increase.

 

"Kan! Please don't do this, sweetheart... you're frightening all of us."

 

I pressed my palms together apologetically before forcing my exhausted body back onto the chair.

 

The path ahead still seemed completely dark. It felt as though I was trapped inside some horrific nightmare and desperately wanted to wake up.

 

"If Per's condition becomes stable enough... I'll probably have to transfer him back to a major hospital near home. They'll have better equipment and nursing facilities there."

 

I lifted my head and looked at everyone while trying to swallow the sob caught in my throat.

 

It would be better for Per. I knew that. But for me… It felt horrible. It felt as though once he left, we might never see each other again.

 

"Mm... let's just hope Per pulls through safely."

 

That was all my father could say.

 

As for me, all I could do was sit there quietly crying, having absolutely no idea what the future held.