EXTERN
Chapter 25
“DOCTOR!!! The patient’s in arrest!”
The moment I heard the nurse shout that the patient had gone into sudden cardiac arrest, I threw the cup of coffee in my hand aside and sprinted over to start chest compressions.
I was supposed to be finishing my shift and going home alreadyyyy! Please don’t suddenly become active nowww!
“Any pulse yet?”
“Not yet, Doctor.”
Let’s all be happy—thump! Thump!
Why be sad?—thump! Thump!
(P.S. This beat is actually too slow for CPR. These days, apparently it should be ‘Sugar’ by Maroon 5.)
I kept singing the song in my head for a bit of entertainment while performing compressions on the male patient, who still lay completely motionless.
I glanced at the clock.
Exactly two minutes.
“Two minutes, Doctor. Switch compressors.”
I reached down to the patient’s groin and palpated for a femoral pulse. I thought I could feel the rhythmic beating beneath my fingers.
“We’ve got a pulse! Get a blood gas, do an ECG, and send a full set of bloods.”
The moment the patient’s heart started beating again, everyone breathed a sigh of relief.
I ordered laboratory tests to determine what had caused the cardiac arrest. Even though his heart was beating again, I still couldn’t stop worrying, so I stood there checking his medication and IV fluids once more, making sure everything was appropriate and sufficient to prevent another crisis.
“Thanks, Kan! Sorry I’m late.”
P’Rak, the senior female doctor on duty, hurried over apologetically.
“Ohhh, it’s fine, P’! How could I let a pregnant woman jump up and start doing CPR?”
I smiled as I spoke, glancing towards the nurses who had begun drawing blood and administering the initial medication.
At least I could relax a little now.
“Oh, please! My baby with Kan is obviously going to be strong. A little CPR is nothing!”
The newly pregnant mother teased me, and all I could do was laugh along.
I’d been working at the provincial hospital for almost a month now, and quite a few people had tried flirting with me.
But I’d never once thought about anyone else.
There was only one person on my mind. And that person had vanished from my life without a trace.
The only thing I still had was the gear-shaped necklace hanging around my neck, reminding me that everything between us hadn’t simply been a dream.
“Hahaha. All right, Mum. Daddy’s heading off now.”
I laughed and smiled at the pretty doctor before gently rubbing her sixteen-week pregnant belly as though saying goodbye to the little one.
“Daddy’s going now. Bye-bye.”
Today was Friday.
I didn’t have to rush to OPD, so I only needed to do my inpatient ward rounds. There was no need to be at the hospital ridiculously early.
So I decided I’d drag my wrecked body home and go whine to Mum and Dad instead.
“Muuuum! I’m hungry!”
The moment I walked into the house, I shouted loudly enough for everyone to hear.
I missed home.
I missed Mum and Dad.
And I missed my bed.
I NEED RESTTTTT!
“…”
They should be home.
Where the hell were they?
“Muuuum! Daaaad!”
I forced my eyes properly open and looked around the house again.
Oi!
Why was my house so quiet and gloomy?
Hardly any of the lights were on, and it was nearly seven in the evening.
I wandered around calling for my parents. Our house sat on a hill in the middle of our family orchard, surrounded by hundreds of acres of various fruit trees. Looking across the distant hills, you could just make out our agricultural processing factory.
Thud!
I’d searched through the dim evening light until I reached the back of the house and started down the steps towards the lawn.
Then I walked straight into someone.
“!!!”
I froze.
I blinked several times, staring at the person in front of me.
A tall, broad, muscular man.
A body I had touched every inch of.
His handsome face was clean-shaven now, completely free of the beard and moustache I remembered.
The man standing before me looked so devastatingly handsome that I was stunned.
But the complete lack of expression on his face sent a sharp pain straight through my chest.
“…Sorry.”
That was all I said before stepping backwards, putting some distance between us.
So…
I guess we really were over.
“…”
There was no greeting.
No acknowledgement between two people who had once known each other.
He simply walked straight past me as though I didn’t exist.
I’d thought everything would eventually go back to normal. I’d convinced myself that Per wouldn’t let us end this easily.
But now…
The look in his eyes, the look that no longer seemed to contain me at all, answered everything.
Drip.
I couldn’t hold the tears back.
I immediately turned around and ran back upstairs towards my bedroom.
All the strength I’d tried to build over the past month suddenly collapsed into nothing.
I didn’t know why he was at my house.
But right now, I didn’t want anyone seeing my face.
I didn’t want anyone seeing my tears.
Thud!
The moment I reached my room, I threw myself face-down onto the bed and let the tears soak into the sheets. It was over.
I didn’t need to try anymore.
Why should I?
Per was the one who’d chosen to let go of my hand.
Knock! Knock!
I raised my head slightly towards the door but didn’t answer.
Maybe Mum had come to call me downstairs for dinner.
Click.
“Son.”
I immediately sat up and wiped my tears away when I heard Dad’s voice. I didn’t want him seeing me cry. I didn’t want him worrying. Because over the past month, I’d secretly cried more times than I could count. I hadn’t been able to contact Per at all.
“Yes?”
“Come downstairs and eat. An old friend of mine and his son have come to visit.”
I’d almost forgotten that Per’s father, Khun Kawin, was Dad’s old friend. But Dad probably didn’t realise that Per and I weren’t the same anymore.
“It’s okay, Dad. I’m tired. I think I’ll sleep for a while first.”
I forced a smile onto my face. Dad obviously knew how fake it was. But this was the best smile I could manage right now.
God, Doctor Kan, you’re fucking pathetic!
First time getting your heart broken by a man and suddenly you’re acting like some innocent little girl who’s just lost her virginity!
I wanted to curse myself for being so weak.
I hated these stupid emotions.
I should accept reality and move the hell on.
“Kan…”
Dad looked at me.
“Stop imagining things.”
“Huh?”
I turned towards my pot-bellied father, who, as always, was looking at me with gentle eyes.
Dad was the kind of man I’d always wanted to become.
Optimistic.
Positive.
Someone who could somehow make other people feel better just by being there.
“Have you actually spoken to him yet? Do you even know what’s wrong with him? And who was in the wrong?
“Weren’t you the one who hurt that kid’s feelings first?”
“…”
I blinked slowly and stared at Dad, thinking about what he’d said.
I’d told him everything that happened that day.
And…
He was right. Maybe I really had been wrong to say those things. But Per was the one who refused to listen to me!
“You’re thinking too bloody much, kid! Come downstairs and eat. You can’t think properly on an empty stomach.”
“Dad, have you forgotten about the last boss? How am I supposed to win him back when Mum doesn’t like him?”
Even if Per and I reconciled, Mum definitely wasn’t going to let us be together easily. My mother might seem sweet, but she could be incredibly stubborn once she’d made up her mind.
It had taken Dad years to win her over.
“Get back together and become all lovey-dovey with your boyfriend first. Then you can form a party and fight the last boss.
“Win, and I are already on your team.”
I think Dad might have been playing too many games.
Still…
I felt a hell of a lot better.
Fine!
First, I’d try making up with that sulky brat. If he played too hard to get…
Well, maybe I’d just have to remind him of the good old days!
Something this simple?
Doctor Kan can handle it!
“Took you long enough to bring your son to meet me, Win! Look how bloody grown-up he is already!”
“You’re just useless! I already knew Kan!”
“Oi! My son’s handsome and famous as hell. Who doesn’t know him? Talent scouts have been sniffing around him foreverrrr. But my boy wanted honours, so all he did was study…
“And in the end, the bastard graduated with nothing but average honours!”
“You’re still the same fucking braggart!”
I grimaced at the increasingly enthusiastic conversation between the two gentlemen.
Once the alcohol started flowing, their voices got louder and louder despite the fact that they were sitting so close they might as well have been in each other’s laps.
Meanwhile, the handsome, freshly clean-shaven man beside me continued sitting there in silence.
He didn’t say a single word to me.
Damn, you’re really committed to this cold act. So committed you’re making my confidence shrivel up. You’re scary as hell like this!
“Per…”
I turned towards him.
Nothing.
He didn’t even acknowledge me. He simply stared into the darkness of the orchard ahead. Mum had gone to get more food. Dinner outside at the orchard house on a night like this was actually pretty romantic…
Perfect conditions for winning back a sulky brat.
“…I want to talk to you.”
“…”
Nothing!
Oi!
Are you seriously playing hard to get, kid? Don’t you know my patience is fucking limited?!
Fineeee!
I took a deep breath, forcing myself to remain calm.
I had very little patience.
And I hated kids.
Especially stubborn, sulky ones.
Grab! Yank!
I seized his muscular arm and hauled him up so abruptly that the chair behind him toppled onto its back.
He resisted slightly, but we weren’t that different in height; I was pretty strong myself, and irritation had apparently given me superhuman strength.
I dragged him all the way back into the house and straight into my bedroom.
Honestly, I’d originally intended to use the sitting room. But Mum might walk in. So somewhere quiet where it was just the two of us seemed safer.
Bang! Click!
I locked the door and looked up at the tall man staring back at me. His eyes remained calm and cold. And every second he looked at me that way felt like thousands of tiny needles stabbing repeatedly into my heart.
“What?”
That flat voice.
That expressionless face.
As though we’d never known each other.
My confidence faltered for a moment. Then I shoved that feeling aside. I had to see this through. I’d decided I was moving forward.
And if I was moving forward, I was dragging this bastard with me.
“Today…
“I saved a patient whose heart stopped.”
“…”
I stepped closer to the tall man, who remained completely motionless. The bedroom was dim, illuminated only by light filtering up from downstairs.
Damn.
This atmosphere is practically begging someone to lose their clothes.
“But right now…
“It feels like my own heart isn’t beating.”
“…”
“…Like it isn’t with me anymore.”
I took Per’s large hand while he stared at me in confusion, clearly wondering what the hell I was doing.
Then I pressed his palm against the left side of my chest. I wanted him to feel it. To understand.
“Is it with you?”
I looked into his eyes.
“Have you seen my heart?
“Because that day…
“You took it with you when you left.”
“…”
I deliberately gave that poisonous snake my most pleading look, despite the bastard apparently deciding to disguise himself as an iceberg.
He stood completely still. Almost stunned by what I’d just said. Whatever! I’ll say cheesy shit for you.
Why shouldn’t I?
I fucking love you.
If I have to seduce you for the millionth time, then I’ll seduce you for the millionth time.
You’re my boyfriend!
Grab!
Before the idiot could figure out how to respond, I grabbed him around the neck, pulled him down and kissed him.
I missed him.
I missed him so fucking much!
And apparently I wasn’t the only one.
The man kissing me back with sudden, almost desperate intensity had clearly missed me just as much.
Thud!
I winced when Per pushed me against the wall and immediately pressed his body against mine.
His lips were hot against mine, his hands roaming over me as though trying to reclaim everything he’d been deprived of. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer, refusing to surrender an inch.
“Mmph!”
His hands went to my clothes while mine did the same to his, months of frustration and longing rapidly overwhelming any common sense either of us might have possessed.
He lifted me onto the table and buried his face against my neck, and the sharp sting against my skin told me he’d already left his mark.
“Ah!”
He moved between my legs.
For a moment, we simply stared at each other.
There was nothing restrained about the desire in either of our eyes.
It felt as though flames were burning around us.
Hot enough that I wanted nothing between us at all.
“…”
Neither of us hesitated.
We crashed into another kiss, hungry and breathless, hands gripping and pulling each other closer as though a month apart had been a month too long.
Knockknockknock! Knockknockknock!
“KAN! Come out here!”
We sprang apart automatically.
Because the person hammering on my bedroom door was—
Mum.
I tried to ignore her and reached for Per again, wanting to pull him back to me.
But he stopped himself and looked down at me, clearly telling me that whatever we’d been about to do was over.
“That’s enough, Kan.”
I took a deep breath and turned him towards me properly.
He needed to understand this.
“Per… the issue with my mum is my mum’s issue. It isn’t an excuse for us to break up.
“We just have to get through it together.”
We stared at each other for a moment.
And it seemed as though he finally understood what I was trying to say.
I wasn’t giving up.
I wasn’t breaking up with him.
Whatever happened, we were getting through it.
Together.
Knockknockknock! Knockknockknock!
“So what do we do now?”
He looked down at me while still being annoyingly touchy as I tried to straighten my clothes.
“We go out there like this. Mum already knows what we are to each other.”
“But she doesn’t like me, does she?”
“Well, can you grow boobs and give her grandchildren?”
“No boobs, but I’ve got two balls. Will those do?”
That suggestive poisonous-snake look immediately made me feel better.
Yep.
I had my boyfriend back.
“I’ve got two of those too, dickhead!”
We continued bickering while getting ourselves properly dressed.
“So what if I’m a man? At least I can make Kan scream better—”
“Oh, my God! You’re fucking disgusting! I’m not talking to you anymore!”
“Sureeee.”