EXTERN
Chapter 24
Have you ever woken up and wished you could just close your eyes again?
If I could go back to the same beautiful dream, maybe I’d rather never wake up at all. Or have you ever woken up feeling as though something was missing?
As though whatever had disappeared was so important that living without it suddenly felt difficult.
And have you ever woken up wondering…
Who am I living my life for?
Why am I doing any of this?
What’s the point if the end result feels this empty?
I studied medicine, and now I was a doctor. I was happy to use my professional knowledge to help other people. I’d made Mum and Dad proud, just as they’d always hoped I would.
I’d given my parents everything they asked of me.
Even when it came to love… Even though I never wanted it to end like this. Right now, it felt as though I was living some kind of life after death.
Like my soul had been torn away along with the tears of the person I loved yesterday.
Is this depression?
Because I think I’m really starting to fall apart…
Knock! Knock!
Click.
I slowly sat up and looked towards my visitor.
A slender, middle-aged woman entered the room, her face still beautiful for her age but now visibly filled with concern.
Mum sat on the edge of my bed and placed a hand against my forehead to check my temperature.
“What’s wrong, sweetheart? Why did you wake up so late today? You never sleep past seven.”
I gave Mum a faint smile.
Last night, Mum and Dad had stayed up late drinking and socialising with the juniors, who’d kept the hosts entertained well into the night.
Meanwhile, I’d done nothing except sit there silently, pouring alcohol down my throat without speaking to anyone.
Trust me, those kids probably weren’t even awake yet.
“It’s my day off, Mum. Let me sleep in for once.”
I forced another smile and stretched lazily, trying to disguise whatever was happening inside me.
It wasn’t even particularly late.
It was only seven thirty.
“Kan… do you love him that much?”
“What!?”
I blinked at her in confusion.
Love who?
What did she mean?
How did she know?
“Your juniors must have been pretty drunk last night. They started teasing you about that handsome young man with the beard… the one you seemed to have had some sort of argument with yesterday evening.”
Bloody hell!
Even if I could stop Per from telling my parents, there was apparently no escaping these loose-lipped little bastards.
I ought to cut their tongues out!
I didn’t answer.
Instead, I shifted off the bed and grabbed a towel, intending to shower, get dressed and finally begin my new life.
Maybe taking a walk through the orchard would make me feel better.
“Kan… you’ve already made your choice, haven’t you?”
I stopped.
“You chose Mum and Dad, didn’t you?”
My hand froze around the towel.
It felt as though an invisible hand had reached straight through my chest and squeezed my heart.
It hurt.
It hurt so much that tears immediately gathered in my eyes.
“I love you, Mum.”
I didn’t turn around.
I simply answered her and walked into the bathroom.
I didn’t want Mum seeing my tears.
I didn’t want her worrying about me.
——————
“This young man is brilliant! You even managed to fix this old thing for me. What are you studying?”
“Engineering, sir. Mechanical Engineering.”
“Wow! Clever lad. You know, I always wanted a son who was an engineer too, but Kan’s mother was the one who wanted our son to become a doctor.”
“Hahaha! Then how about swapping that for an engineer son-in-law?”
The cheerful voices of my juniors made me stop walking.
I dropped another rose apple into the basket I was carrying and headed towards the three voices I’d just heard.
“Oh, come on! Isn’t this handsome young man your boyfriend? How’s he supposed to become my son-in-law?”
My middle-aged father stood there with his round belly, shiny head and his ridiculous elephant-crossing-the-jungle hairstyle, laughing good-naturedly.
He was holding the handle of a lawnmower beside Night and Mai, both of whom were still wearing their pyjamas.
“Hehe… you could tell, Dad? That P’Night and I…”
Mai smiled shyly and scratched his head awkwardly.
Even though he’d been the one making jokes about becoming Dad’s engineer son-in-law in the first place.
“Oho! I’m this old, son! Of course I can tell. When I was young, I went to an all-boys school too. And I’m not bragging or anything, but I had boys chasing after me as well!
“Hahahahaha! I’m telling you, if I’d been born a few decades later, Nadech, Mario and Sunny wouldn’t have stood a chance!”
I couldn’t help shaking my head and smiling at Dad’s shameless boasting.
He probably got lonely out here in the orchard. He had to act serious in front of the workers, and at home there was only Mum.
“You went to an all-boys school, Dad? P’Night and I did too.”
Mai gave him one of his adorable smiles. Dad clearly seemed fond of the kid. He’d probably always wanted a house full of children too.
“Yep! I graduated from Saint Louis.”
“My father went there too. So did I, and my older brother.”
That was probably the longest sentence I’d heard Night speak all day.
I picked up another rose apple and bit into it without worrying about chemicals.
Our orchard was organic.
Delicious.
Fresh.
Safe.
“Really!? What year was your father? I was Class 35.”
“Seriously? My father was Class 35 too. Room Three.”
“WHAT!? Same classroom as me! Whose son are you?”
“My father’s name is Kawin.”
“WHAAAAT?! You mean Win the Snot-Noodle?!
He was my best mate! We barely saw each other after graduating from Engineering. I heard he went abroad to continue his studies.”
PFFFFT!
“Cough! Cough! Cough!”
I nearly inhaled the rose apple through my nose.
The world was fucking tiny!
“Oh! When did you get here, kid? Sneaking around eating rose apples again?”
Dad came over and patted my head and back while I continued coughing with tears streaming from my eyes.
“D-Dad… you know Per and Night’s father?”
“Yeah! That’s right! I remember now—Win has a son called Per! I think it came from per mile or something. But I don’t remember this Night kid.”
Night and Mai went quiet for a moment.
Probably because Night was the son of Kawin’s other wife…
And Per was likely the son of the wife Dad and their old friends knew.
“Er… Dad, you’re mowing the grass yourself?”
I quickly changed the subject to rescue the situation.
Dad had never been pretentious or obsessed with status.
If there was something he could do himself around the orchard, he did it. He’d never been the type to stand around pointing at employees and ordering them about.
“Wait a minute…”
Dad narrowed his eyes.
“I think I’m starting to piece something together.
“Especially after seeing your face, Kan.”
“…”
The three of us stared at him in confusion. He’d completely ignored my question and was apparently having an entire revelation by himself.
“A few months ago, Win called me…
“He said our families were going to become in-laws.”
“???”
You could practically see question marks appearing above all three of our heads.
What the hell was Dad talking about?
“I was confused. Thought he had a daughter he wanted to introduce to you…”
“…”
“Then last night I heard everyone teasing Kan about some young man called Per, the one who left before I got home…”
“…”
“And now I’ve just realised…
“He’s Kan’s boyfriend.”
“…”
Everyone fell silent.
I lowered my head.
I didn’t dare say anything.
I had no idea whether Dad could accept it…
Especially knowing our family line might end with me.
“Dad…”
I finally forced myself to look at him.
“Are you angry?”
I loved my parents.
As much as any son possibly could.
“Angry!”
“!!!”
My eyes immediately burned.
Night and Mai moved closer, rubbing my shoulders and back reassuringly.
I couldn’t hold the tears anymore.
In the end, what choices did I really have in my life?
My legs felt weak enough to collapse beneath me.
“…I’m angry because you told me too bloody late! How could you let Win the Snot-Noodle find out before me?! You’ve made your old man look like an idiot! I’m going to have to ring that bastard and give him hell!”
Dad marched towards me.
And I immediately threw myself into his arms.
No matter how old I became, Dad was still someone I could depend on.
I loved him.
“S-So you’re not angry…?” I sobbed, tears pouring down my face. “You’re not angry that my boyfriend is a man?”
I’d never experienced so many emotions at once.
Relief.
Fear.
Shock.
Happiness.
“Kan… you’re grown up now, son. You’re old enough to make your own decisions.
“Do you remember when you were little and I made you choose between a colouring set with coloured pencils and a storybook for practising reading?”
“…”
I nodded against his chest.
I remembered.
When I was in primary school, Dad had taken me to a stationery shop.
He’d made me choose between a drawing pad with coloured pencils and a bilingual storybook.
I was only allowed one.
“And you chose the storybook, even though I thought the colouring set was more useful. It would last longer, and I thought maybe it would make you happier.
“But I didn’t force you to change your mind.
“Because seeing you standing there smiling and hugging that storybook made me happy.
“You even took it to bed with you every night.”
“…Hic.”
I couldn’t stop crying.
I hugged Dad even tighter, and his arms tightened around me in return.
“In the end, whatever you choose, if I can see that what you’ve chosen makes you happy…
“I don’t see how it can possibly be wrong.
“Let other people think whatever the hell they want.
“If something makes my son happy, then who the hell would dare pick a fight with Sia Kriengkrai over it, huh?!”
“Daaaaad!”
I squeezed him tightly, overwhelmed with happiness.
Dad hugged me back and gently rocked me from side to side as though I were still a little boy who needed comforting.
“Enough crying, you little crybaby! Have some shame in front of the juniors! Standing in the middle of my orchard, groping and hugging another man like this. What’s wrong with you, huh?!”
“Daaaaad!”
I pulled back and wiped my tears away. Night and Mai were both standing nearby, smiling encouragingly at me.
“Go on. Wash your face. You’ve still got plenty of obstacles ahead of you…
“Especially the control freak in that house!”
Dad pointed towards home.
“Go and defeat the last boss. I’m warning you, she’s difficult! Your mother’s been secretly planning and controlling your life since God knows when.
“Good luck, kid!”
Pat! Pat!
Dad slapped my shoulder twice before grabbing the repaired lawnmower and dragging it down the orchard path, continuing his mission to trim the grass evenly.
“Good luck, P’Kan.”
“Mm. Thanks, Mai.”
I smiled at my junior.
Mai beamed back so widely I could practically count every tooth in his mouth.
“Per won’t give up that easily,” Night said with a faint smile. “You’d better prepare yourself for the storm he’s going to bring.”
Then he took Mai by the arm and led him away.
If that poisonous snake wasn’t going to give up easily…
Then why the hell should I?
The only problem was…
What was I supposed to do about the last boss?
This boss was going to be bloody difficult to defeat.
There was absolutely no way Mum would surrender easily.