EXTERN

Chapter 23

 

“What the hell are all of you doing here?”

 

I blinked in confusion.

 

Mum had come to get me from the study and said some friends had arrived. At first, I thought she meant Guide and the others. I definitely hadn’t expected Per and Friends, along with a whole gang of second and third year Engineering and Medicine students.

 

There were more than ten of the bastards sprawled all over the floor and sofas in my family’s living room.

 

“Because I missed youuuuu.”

 

The enormous human being came charging over, wrapped his arms around my waist and buried his face in the crook of my neck, his stubble prickling my skin until it tickled.

 

“Missed me, my arse! We only said goodbye the day before yesterday! And we were on FaceTime last night!”

 

I tried to pry Per’s clingy hands away from my waist.

 

It was Saturday. I arrived home yesterday because I was starting work as a doctor completing my compulsory service at the provincial hospital this coming Monday. There was also one rather major problem.

 

I was an only son.

 

And my parents still had no idea about my relationship with Per.

 

“Don’t know. I just missed you.”

 

He dragged me over to the sofa and made me sit beside him.

 

Mum had probably gone to get drinks, snacks and fruit for this lot. She loved it when I had lots of friends and brought them home.

 

I was an only child, and Mum had always wanted a big family. But Dad had fertility problems, and I’d actually been conceived through assisted reproductive technology.

 

That was apparently why Dad wanted his son to become a doctor.

 

So he could get a return on his investment.

 

“Per… come and talk to me.”

 

I turned towards him just as everyone fell silent, which unfortunately meant all eyes immediately landed on us. Per must have realised from my expression that I wasn’t really in the mood to joke around.

 

I led the tall man towards the study. As always, he looked ridiculously handsome and cool with that rugged stubble of his.

 

He was handsome.

He was cool.

Everyone liked him.

I liked him too.

But…

Would my parents like him?

 

We stopped inside the study, where I often hid myself away.

 

I locked the door before turning towards my guest, who was examining my enormous bookshelves.

 

“I’m not breaking up with you.”

 

“Huh!?”

 

I stared at him in confusion when Per suddenly blurted that out.

 

He had his back to me, one hand shoved into his trouser pocket as he stood completely still.

 

“No matter what changes…

 

“I’m not breaking up with you, Doc.”

 

His voice was calm.

I couldn’t see his face.

 

I had no idea how much emotion might be flickering through his eyes.

 

I walked over and stopped near him in front of the bookshelves. About eighty per cent of them were filled with textbooks I’d collected since first year, while another section held journals I’d accumulated over the years.

 

“I wasn’t going to break up with you…”

 

“…”

 

I took a deep breath and stopped behind him.

Where was our relationship supposed to go from here?

 

What was I supposed to do if Mum and Dad refused to accept us? Would Per be able to win them over?

 

“I’m an only child… Mum and Dad are extremely protective of me. They expect me to have a family…

 

“And give them adorable grandchildren.”

 

I wrapped my arms around his waist from behind and rested my face against his broad shoulder. He remained perfectly still. Would he understand what I was trying to say?

 

“…So don’t let them know yet.”

 

“How long?”

 

I lifted my head from his back, but from this angle all I could see was his dark hair. He still had his back turned towards me.

 

And somehow, that broad back looked incredibly lonely.

 

“I can’t answer that… If possible, I’d rather they never found out.”

 

Thud!

 

I winced in pain as the vicious snake suddenly grabbed me and shoved me back against the bookshelf.

 

He pressed his body close, pinning me there.

His handsome face had changed completely.

 

Dark.

Fierce.

Almost frightening.

My heart dropped.

He was angry.

Really angry.

 

“Is there something so wrong with our love?”

 

“Per…”

 

His fingers tightened painfully around my wrist as he stared down at me.

 

His eyes were fierce.

 

His voice was colder than I had ever heard it. Everything about him frightened me in that moment, but I forced myself not to show it.

 

“Answer me! Is it really that wrong for me to love you?!”

 

“…”

 

My heart twitched when he called me P’.

 

There was something distant in it. A distance that had nothing to do with age. Something more like…Maturity.

 

“I’ve never hidden our relationship. I’ve never cheated on you. I talked my mother round and did everything I could to make her accept you.

 

“And what about you?

 

“What have you ever done for me except run away?!”

 

“!!!”

 

I pushed against him with all my strength. I’d always believed he would be more reasonable than this. I’d thought he could love me more than this. But maybe this was for the best.

 

I believed problems had a way of filtering out the people who weren’t right for us. Even if it hurt. Because with the career I was entering, if someone couldn’t understand me, I wouldn’t have endless time to coax and placate them whenever we fought.

 

“Get out.”

 

He continued staring at me.

His eyes were filled with hurt.

Pain.

Heartbreak.

Probably no different from mine.

 

“There’s no point talking to you right now…Just go home.”

 

“If our relationship was impossible from the beginning…“You shouldn’t have given me hope.”

 

“…”

 

“If you were going to give up on us this easily…“You shouldn’t have acted as if you loved me this much.”

 

“…”

 

“You shouldn’t have dragged me into your life…Only to throw me onto some dusty old bookshelf and leave me there until you’re in the mood to pick me up and read me again.”

 

“…”

 

“You shouldn’t have…You shouldn’t have made me love you this much.

 

“You shouldn’t have made my whole world revolve around you.”

 

“Per…”

 

I reached for his wrist. But he immediately turned away and walked out. Leaving me standing there, my legs weak and completely drained of strength.

 

What had I done?

What had we done?

Drip.

 

A tear I hadn’t even realised was falling finally snapped me back to reality.

 

But by then…

The person I wanted was already gone.

 

“Where’s Per?”

 

I turned towards Night, Per’s biological younger brother, who was standing there looking ridiculously handsome beside Mai, my pretty junior from Medicine.

 

“He went home.”

 

Night’s answer was flat. It was already evening. I’d only just emerged from the study after locking myself inside for nearly an hour, trying to calm down.

 

I’d intended to come out and properly explain everything to the person who had misunderstood me.

 

“How did he go home when the rest of you are still here?”

 

I looked around, hoping I might somehow spot him.

 

Everyone had started gathering into groups around the garden, and the smell of food drifted through the air.

 

Definitely Mum’s doing.

 

She was probably delighted to have a house and garden suddenly overflowing with noisy young people.

 

“He brought his own car. He suddenly walked out of the house with red eyes. Wouldn’t answer when we asked him anything.”

 

Moo answered while casually biting into a barbecue skewer that Night had just grilled, apparently completely unconcerned about burning his mouth.

 

“Oh.”

 

That was all I said.

 

Then I wandered back into the house in a daze.

 

I had no appetite.

 

No desire to do anything.

 

Was I really about to lose him because we couldn’t understand each other?

 

I hadn’t meant to hide our relationship forever.

I just…

 

Wasn’t ready to tell my parents yet.

 

Although I had to admit that, back there, both of us had let our emotions take control.

 

“Aren’t you eating, sweetheart? Where are you going? Your friends have filled the whole house, and you’re not going to entertain them?”

 

My middle-aged mother smiled warmly at me, holding an enormous plate of fragrant fried rice.

 

“Er… I’ve got a headache. I think I’ll go upstairs and take something.”

 

It was a massive lie.

 

I pulled out my phone and immediately called the sulking bastard.

 

Please answer, Per.

 

I don’t want you misunderstanding me like this.

 

“Kan.”

 

I blinked and turned at Mum’s voice.

 

My eyes still stung slightly from crying in the study.

 

Shit.

 

I’d completely forgotten to wash my face.

 

“Yes?”

 

“Mum loves you.

 

“Dad loves you too.”

 

I stopped halfway towards the stairs.

 

Then I walked back and hugged my mother tightly.

 

She leaned in and kissed my cheek.

 

“I love you and Dad too.”

 

Dad was probably on his way back from the factory at the far end of the orchard by now. He usually came home after all the workers did because he always stayed behind to make sure everything was in order.

 

“About your future…

 

“Mum wants you to think very carefully.”

 

“…”

 

“You’re the only child your father and I have.

 

“Mum wants you to have a partner who’ll support you. A wife who can take care of the home, take care of you…

 

“And take care of our grandchildren when your father and I are no longer here.”

 

“…”

 

“…Think carefully, sweetheart.”

 

I smiled at Mum.

 

Then I ended the call I’d been trying to make and slipped my phone back into my pocket.

 

“Yes, Mum.”

 

In the end…

 

Maybe Per and I weren’t destined to be each other’s last love after all.

 

Maybe our relationship really was impossible.

Because I truly couldn’t bear to hurt Mum and Dad.