EXTERN

Chapter 12

 

At last, the day had finally arrived….The day of the charity play, held to raise money for the hospital foundation. This year’s event attracted incredible attention, and the donations exceeded everyone’s expectations.

 

…And that was because this charity production featured the biological sons of Mr Kawin, chairman and owner of one of the world’s leading automotive parts import-export companies—a business dealing in everything from motorcycle parts to aircraft components. And it wasn’t just one of his sons appearing in the play. It was both of them.

 

That alone was enough to completely smash the donation records from previous years.

 

“You did really well, Kan, getting those two boys involved. Do you have any idea how interested the press is in that family?”

 

“Yes, Ajarn.”

 

All I could do was lower my head and give Ajarn Bow, the faculty adviser for this project, an awkward smile because I’d only just found out the truth myself.

 

Mr Kawin’s two biological sons were Per and Night. And on top of that, they had different mothers.

 

“Per might be famous around the university, and he seems to take part in plenty of university activities, but I’ve never seen him act in a play before. As for Night, he hardly ever participates in university activities at all, even though he’s the University Moon.”

 

“Yes.”

 

I nodded along with her.

 

“You’ve done very well. I’m looking forward to seeing the performance, Kan.”

 

“Yes, Ajarn.”

 

I nodded once more as she turned and walked away.

 

…Mr Kawin’s sons. Per and Night?

 

Heh….

HOW THE FUCK DID I NEVER KNOW THAT!?

 

“Doctor.”

 

“Yes?”

 

I answered instinctively and turned towards the voice. A tall, muscular figure stood there, his handsome face framed by a smile and neatly groomed beard. His hair had been swept back from his face, styled perfectly for his role as Tybalt of Capulet, Juliet’s cousin.

 

Per was wearing the same costume as yesterday, but something about him today made my heart give a sudden jolt.

 

…Do you seriously have to look that fucking handsome? So handsome I’d started smiling without even realising it!

 

“Speechless, huh? Speechless… I’m handsome, aren’t I?”

 

My smile disappeared instantly. I turned around and walked the other way. Fuck, I’m embarrassed! I don’t want to keep looking at him!

 

“Where are you going?”

 

Mr Handsome-Who-Was-Somehow-Even-More-Handsome-Than-Usual hurried up beside me, leaning his face close as he spoke, obviously trying to tease me.

 

“None of your fucking business. Go get ready.”

 

I shoved his face away and hurried towards backstage.

 

“Kaaaan! Come talk to me first! I’m handsome today, you knooow~”

 

I rolled my eyes and lengthened my stride. Why the hell did he have to start messing around when there were so many people here? People already teased us enough as it was. I was sick of trying to explain myself!

 

“Go back and get rea—”

 

“Kan.”

 

Just as I was about to turn around and snap at the whiny pain in the arse behind me, a slender white hand grabbed my arm and yanked me around.

 

“Natcha?”

 

I called her name in confusion. Before Per could reach me, my female friend dragged me away.

 

Bang!

 

Natcha shoved me into one of the equipment storage rooms. Nobody was using it at the moment because everyone else was busy getting ready to perform.

 

“What the hell is wrong with you?”

 

I immediately turned towards her as she locked the door and approached me.

 

“What exactly is going on between you and Per?”

 

I didn’t retreat. I simply stared at Natcha as she walked closer until she was almost pressed against me.

 

“And what’s it got to do with you?”

 

I frowned as she placed both hands against my chest.

 

“…You think I didn’t know you were awake that day?”

 

“….”

 

She looked up at me. Her eyes were filled with feelings I could never return.

 

“You know how I feel about you, so why the fuck are you doing this!?”

 

Her hands clenched unconsciously, her nails digging into my chest.

 

“….”

 

“Answer me, Kan! Why did the person you chose next have to be Per!? Do you have any idea how long I waited for you to break up with Namfah!?”

 

“….”

 

She grabbed my shirt and yanked it so hard my whole body jolted forwards, but I still didn’t push her away.

 

“Why won’t you give me a chance!?”

 

“Because I don’t want to lose my friend!”

 

“….”

 

Natcha froze. Her hands loosened from my shirt.

 

“Isn’t it obvious enough already? I don’t feel that way about you and I never will.”

 

Thud!

 

Despite her slender frame, she had an unbelievable amount of strength. She easily shoved me backwards onto the sofa because I refused to fight back. I didn’t want to hurt her. I was a man. Using violence against a woman just wasn’t something I could bring myself to do.

 

“I love you, Kan. I’ve loved you for a long time.”

 

She moved forward and straddled my lap, lowering her face until it was almost touching mine. Suddenly, someone else’s face appeared in my mind. And that made me painfully aware of just how compromising this situation between my friend and me looked.

 

Whoosh!

 

“But I don’t love you. And if you still want us to be friends, then let me go.”

 

I shoved her away firmly and immediately rushed towards the door. Our eyes met briefly before I walked out without looking back.

 

Our play ended successfully.

 

The senior guests loved it, and naturally, we received a huge amount of media attention. The event was packed with wealthy socialites, celebrities, actors and other famous faces.

 

“A-And what about you, Per? Is there a special girl in your life yet?”

 

I was about to walk past the event backdrop, where reporters had surrounded Mr Kawin and his family, as he headed towards the lecturers speaking to another group of journalists nearby.

 

“Not yet….”

 

Haaaaaah….

I could practically hear the collective sigh of relief from the reporters. They were probably delighted that this family still had one handsome son left to carry on the family line.

 

After all, Romeo, our dear little Night, had made it painfully obvious that he had his sights set on My, the Juliet from my faculty.

 

“I still haven’t managed to win him over yet! Doctor Kan, hurry up and accept my love already!”

 

HUUUUH!?

WHAT THE FUCK!?

 

I whipped around towards the voice. Per was grinning brightly at me. I shook my head slightly and hurried past as cameras immediately started clicking in my direction and more and more people turned to look at me.

 

“U-Umm… regarding this, Mr Kawin—”

 

“I don’t know anything about this!”

 

I stopped walking. Then I turned back towards the backdrop. A middle-aged woman stood there, beautifully dressed and obviously from an upper-class background. She looked as though she might faint. Standing beside her was her own son.

…Per.

 

“Does that mean you don’t approve?”

 

A reporter’s voice rang loudly through the crowd.

 

Heh.

Of course. What parents would happily accept their son liking another man?

 

I gave myself a bitter little smile before turning away and walking quickly.

 

…What the hell were you expecting, Kan?

 

I was exhausted that night. I should have been happy that everything had gone so well. This might have been the final major responsibility I completed before graduation in my role as president of the Faculty of Medicine student club.

 

But instead, I felt awful. Because of something. Something that left this strange emptiness inside my chest. Something resembling the words Not good enough. Or maybe what I really meant was…Impossible.

 

“Kaaaan!”

 

I’d taken off my suit jacket and draped it over my shoulder, and I was just about to open my car door when the cheerful voice I least wanted to hear pierced my ears.

 

“Let’s go celebrate! My friends are meeting at Z-Club tonight too. I want you to meet my friends.”

 

“….”

 

Click.

Ignoring him, I unlocked the car.

 

“Kan.”

 

Grab!

The engineering student pulled me back just as I was about to climb inside.

 

“Let go.”

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

Now we were standing face-to-face, staring seriously at one another. Those sharp coffee-coloured eyes I secretly loved looking at stared deeply into mine, almost pleading with me.

 

“My event is over now. You should go home, Per. I’m tired.”

 

I deliberately spoke formally and distantly as I twisted my arm free from his strong grip.

 

Whoosh!

“Doctor… What's wrong? Can we talk?”

 

The taller man pulled me tightly into his arms, as though terrified he might lose me.

 

“…Someone confessed their feelings to me today.”

 

“….”

 

I fought against the lump forming in my throat. I tilted my face towards the starless sky, desperately trying to stop the burning behind my eyes from turning into tears.

 

“I don’t like them. I never have, and I never could. And when I rejected them… it only made me realise even more clearly that there’s already someone else in my heart.”

 

I wrapped my arms around Per in return. I was scared of losing him too. Even though we hadn’t even properly begun.

 

“I kept telling myself I didn’t want to start over with anyone. I’ve been lying to myself like that all along….”

 

“….”

 

I buried my face against his broad shoulder when I could no longer hold back my tears. It felt as though a giant hand had reached inside my chest and was crushing my heart. As though the time had finally come for me to wake up from this beautiful dream.

 

“But I couldn’t stop myself from feeling this way….”

 

“Kan.”

 

I tightened my arms around him and let out a long breath.

 

“Have you ever had an amazing dream and then somebody woke you up?”

 

“Hey….”

 

I pulled away. And smiled at him as the tears rolled down my face.

 

“It’s time to wake up….”

 

“….”

 

I took advantage of Per’s stunned silence, climbed into my car and drove away. In my rear-view mirror, I could see the same tall man running after me. But all I could do was wipe my tears away roughly and press the accelerator harder.

 

I was about to graduate. And throughout these six years, Per had become one of my best memories.

 

Thank you…

You poisonous snake.

 

I retreated to the medical students’ dormitory and practically buried myself inside the faculty, avoiding leaving the hospital whenever possible. For almost a month, all I did was eat, sleep and work. I tried to keep myself as busy as possible.

 

Life as an extern, a sixth-year medical student, was already hectic enough and left practically no free time, but I deliberately found even more things to do so I wouldn’t have time to think. So I could bury certain things.

 

Natcha and I stopped speaking to one another. Eventually, our friends noticed, but nobody said anything. Probably because everyone already knew how she felt about Doctor Kan.

 

I was walking back towards the medical dormitory when a woman’s voice called out, making me turn around.

 

“Doctor Kan.”

 

“Yes?”

 

It was a woman I’d only met once before. Yet her expression and her words from that day had somehow burned themselves into my mind, repeating over and over again.

 

“Could I have a little of your time, please?”

 

I stared at the cup of coffee in front of me for a moment before lifting my eyes towards the elegant woman who had invited me to join her for coffee.

 

“You haven’t seen my son lately, have you?”

 

I frowned slightly, wondering exactly what she wanted from me.

 

“No.”

 

“I’ll get straight to the point….”

 

I gave her a faint smile.

Good.

I preferred hearing it quickly rather than having her drag it out.

 

“I only have one son… and I can’t bear to watch Per continue down the wrong path….”

 

My hand unconsciously clenched into a fist, my nails digging into my thigh. It hurt. As though ten thousand needles had been driven mercilessly into the left side of my chest.

 

“I understand.”

 

“So… Doctor, I’d like to ask you to please leave my son’s life. He should be with a woman who is accomplished, suitable and worthy of him.”

 

Scrape!

I immediately stood up.

 

“If that’s all you wanted to say, then you really don’t need to worry, ma’am. I promise you that he and I will never be together. You can put your mind at ease.”

 

“….”

 

“And next time, please don’t call me out somewhere just to tell me something like this…. It’s a waste of my time.”

 

And with that, I rudely walked away, dragging what felt like the nearly lifeless shell of my body with me.

 

Let it end here.

…It would be better that way.