Duang With You

My dad said that only losers go to the Loy Krathong festival with their friends. My older brother said, 'Man, you're pathetic. You can't even muster the courage to ask him to go with you.'

 

And my friends? My friends said...

"Hey, hey!"

 

This trick works every single time.

“…”

 

"Hey, hey!"

I nervously licked my dry lips. Damn it. What now? The way I practised it, he was supposed to respond, not just stare at me like this.

 

"Friend likes you." I blurted it out with a slightly louder voice to be heard over the sound of firecrackers and the lively chaos of the Loy Krathong festival. Everyone was with their significant other, floating krathongs together. It was my first year in university, and, of course, being single like me was a bit depressing... No, actually, it was fucking miserable.

 

"Huh, your friend?"

 

"Uh, I mean..."

 

Has anyone ever told him? That he's ridiculously cute?

 

"My name is Friend."

 

Cute in the most inexplicable way. So cute it's almost unbearable. So cute, an idiot like me has been crazy about him since the first day of the freshman welcoming ceremony. He's so cute, even though we're the same height, even though he dresses so carelessly, with his oversized, wrinkled student uniform shirt and the same old sneakers he's worn since the ceremony. Even his pale hands holding the bread were cute.

 

"Friend, my ass. Are you fucking messing with me?"

 

Bang!

I felt like I just got shot straight through the heart. It came with the bread he threw at my face, along with his annoyed expression. I remember it well... His friends teased us loudly, drawing everyone's attention. I bet even my friends, who had been hiding behind a tree, had come out to cheer me on under the bright, colourful festival lights set up by the university. And that was the day...

 

"Duang! Just go for it, man!"

 

"Duangggg, say it!"

 

The first day, I did more than just watch him practice music with his friends after class. The first day that I did more than just sit quietly at the back of a food stall, watching his back as he slowly ate the same dish he ordered every evening.

 

"So, is your name Friend or Duang?"

 

The first day that I realised how hard it is to just say my own name.

 

"It's Duang."

 

"So, what do you want?"

 

"Would you mind..."

“…”

 

"..if we tried getting to know each other?"

 

The first day, I felt like the biggest idiot ever. I wanted to scream at him, over and over, apologising for being so lame... so uncool. But still, would he mind? I'm a guy. He's a guy.

 

"Can you be more straightforward?

 

I swallowed hard.

 

"Quinnnnn, take it easy, son, easy!"

 

"Don't scare him off, man. Chill!"

 

More straightforward? What, like getting down on one knee and proposing? I thought to myself, scratching my nose awkwardly. Accidentally meeting his eyes made my heart skip a beat, like when I rode a roller coaster. I'd stopped asking myself if this would go well because how could it, if I didn't even try?

 

"Can I flirt with you?"

 

I went back and forth in my head a million times. But after all the calculations, I figured it was better to say something before he had the chance to agree or reject me. And because of that, I gathered more courage than I ever had, even more than when I had to dance on stage in front of hundreds of people during a Mother's Day performance in kindergarten. It was scarier than that.

 

"No... I mean, I'll flirt with you."

 

Scarier than a hundred people and a stage that made my knees shake.

 

"I changed my mind."

“…”

 

"I'm not asking for permission. I'm just letting you know."

 

I was so lame.

But still...

 

"Well, good luck with that, then."

 

He, who sings so beautifully. He who always comes back to the dorm late, He who carries iced coffee every morning to wake himself up. He, who's as unpredictable as the weather.

 

And that was the day... that I started flirting with him. The day we started getting to know each other.