The Grim Lover

*** Once again, our big brother/my big brother and big brother, is P’Fah’s brother, P’Yai.***

Oscar's story begins with a sentence that made me catch my breath.

 

"Fah once told us about the argument he had with his older brother."

 

Lately, it seems like I've been hearing this older brother's name a lot from other people's stories. Every account I hear makes me feel like I'm drifting further and further away from him, further from understanding, further from memories I believed to be true. Now I'm starting to wonder what's truly real, or whether I'm even fake.

 

"There was this younger model, really young, around seventeen or eighteen years old. She auditioned for the project and passed. We work together, and we see each other almost every day. I wonder if he's told you anything about it."

 

"Is that the half-Thai girl named Maggie?"

 

"Yeah, yeah, Maggie," Oscar nodded repeatedly. "Fah really did tell you everything."

 

"But you didn't tell him about arguing with your older brother, did you?" I teased. I didn't mean to make Oscar uncomfortable, but I was just secretly annoyed with my father-in-law.

 

That camera that dares to keep secrets from me, if I find it, I'll pinch it until it cries!

 

"This is quite..." Oscar sighed again, making me uneasy. His demeanour made it clear it was a bigger problem than I thought. It...

 

"It can't be just a petty argument as I've always seen... It involves your friend, too, so I'm not sure if I should talk to you about it."

 

Maybe it's because I don't have many friends, but when Oscar mentioned his friend, that person's face just popped into my head.

 

"Gloy?" I asked directly, and yes, Oscar nodded. "What about Gloy?"

 

"Okay, let me explain step by step. It's a bit complicated and involves several twists and turns..." 

 

Oscar took a deep breath, as if preparing for a grand epic, making me feel like I needed to brace myself as well. 

 

"About a week into the project, Fah came to me for advice. He said, 'Maggie's been acting strangely towards me. Oh! I forgot to mention, we're in the same agency.' Fah asked me about it. The thing is, he felt Maggie was approaching him in a weird way. He was worried Maggie might be developing feelings for him. He’d tried to keep his distance, but he wasn't comfortable, so he came to me for advice, hoping I could help talk to Maggie. I wasn't sure what Maggie was really thinking, so I tried to subtly ask her. It turned out Maggie wasn't actually trying to get close to Fah, but it was for another reason."

 

I listened intently to every word he said. Fourteen felt the same way, even though Oscar still didn't seem very comfortable with Fourteen, but I could sense that he did. I was actually trying to tell this story to Fourteen, because he kept glancing towards Fourteen (or maybe he was just scared).

 

"She said that the real reason she came to audition for the project was specifically to meet Fah."

 

"It's something like...a fan club, I guess?" I tried to guess, but unfortunately, Oscar shook his head. My intuition isn't very good at this.

 

"Maggie wanted to ask about Fah’s older sibling."

 

My guesses were quite wrong, but just one sentence from Oscar explained each piece of the jigsaw puzzle, bringing us closer together.

 

"Maggie said that when she was a kid, her family ran a business, a pretty big one. They used to partner with a really big company." Oscar's pause and gaze at this point made it clear what he meant. I was speechless, amazed at how small our world is. "That's right. They used to partner with Gloy's father's company. Things seemed to go well for a while, until about ten years ago, when internal problems suddenly began. They grew larger and larger, leading to massive lawsuits. Gloy's father hired lawyers to fight the case, and so did Maggie's family."

 

"That lawyer is... Big Brother?"

 

"That's right," Oscar snapped his fingers before continuing, "My older brother was the lawyer for Maggie's family. At the first court hearing, everything seemed normal, and they looked like they would win. But in the end, they lost unexpectedly. Maggie's family was sued for damages and went bankrupt. Maggie's father felt something was off, so he investigated and found out my brother had taken money from the other side in exchange for losing the case. But even after finding out, he couldn't do anything because he had no money left. And less than a year later, Maggie's mother committed suicide. Her younger sibling had to go live with their grandmother in the countryside, while her father found work as a labourer in Bangkok."

 

I don't know how to comment on this. First, it's just too terrible to even hear about it; second, I never thought my older brother would do something like this. In my view, he was a man of principle because he loved righteousness and justice, which led him to become a lawyer. I can't imagine him receiving money from Gloy's father, representing his family in a losing case, and then spending it carelessly while a family is struggling for its last breath.

 

"Maggie was really affected by this. As she grew older, she had the opportunity to join our agency and got to know Fah, because everyone in the industry knows Fah, right? At first, Maggie didn't think much of it, but she happened to see his last name and immediately recognised it as the same last name as the lawyer she had hired back then. She searched online and found out that Fah and P'Yai were actually siblings. So she tried to approach Fah in order to get closer to P'Yai as well."

 

"So you told P'Fah about this?" I asked further.

 

"Yes, when Fah found out, he was really shocked. he couldn't accept it. You know, typical of him, he doesn't like seeing people being taken advantage of, especially since his younger sister had to deal with something like this. Fah wasn't okay with it. So he told Maggie not to do anything; he would handle it. And he really did that. he talked to the eldest sibling without revealing any information about Maggie. he was protecting Maggie  completely."

 

It's no wonder that what Oscar told me sounded so much like P'Fah. He hated this kind of thing more than anything. He especially couldn't stand it when a child was involved, because P'Fah grew up alone, always standing on his own two feet, no matter what the problem was. That's why he knew firsthand that being a child burdened with the responsibilities of adults was like living in hell.

Fah tried to get his older brother to take responsibility, but he refused, leading to a huge argument. Fah (the speaker) was also unwilling to back down, saying that if his brother didn't handle it, he would. Faced with this, his brother softened. He said he would take responsibility, but needed time to deal with work and the children first. Fah agreed, giving him time to sort things out, understanding that he had many responsibilities."

 

At this point, I started feeling uneasy, very uneasy. Some thoughts were trying to break through the barriers in my peaceful world. "Fah said it's better to clear things up first and then tell Won, because this involves your close friend, and he doesn't want you to feel awkward or something like that. That's all we know. After that, he didn't say anything else."

 

"How long ago was this?"

 

"About two weeks ago, there was a blackout."

 

This... This is terrible. I felt like I was going to faint. In my head, I kept praying, "Please, let my fears not be true. Please, let there be some kind of twist."

 

"At first, we tried not to think about it, Won, because we knew that our older brother loved Fah very much. Even though they argued, they had already resolved their issues. But there's something...that feels strange."

 

"Brother Oscar..." As he reached this point in the story, I reached out and squeezed Oscar's hand, seeing how frightened he looked. "Speak."

 

"Actually, that day...before the crash, I was talking to Fah on the phone while he was driving." In that split second, my heart sank to my feet. Since the incident, I've never been able to bear hearing about Fah's accident. It was like my heart was breaking, that's why no one dared to talk to me about that day. Oscar probably felt the same way.

 

"I called to ask about work, then I asked him where he'd been. He said he'd talked to his older brother at home about some business and then gone to play with Benny. We talked then."

 

"We were playing around a bit, and then suddenly Fah started complaining that something was wrong with the car; it was swaying, and the brakes weren't working well. So I told him to drive slowly and find a parking spot, as it was dangerous. He said okay, he'd look for a place to park, and then hung up."

I don't need you to elaborate; I already know where the story ends. When the other party's father said that P'Fah drove into his son's car first, it was probably because P'Fah is normally a very skilled and courteous driver. He would never intentionally cut anyone off unless there were other factors beyond his control. And that instance of cutting someone off didn't cause any damage. The accident happened because that kid was high on drugs, got angry, and cut P'Fah off in retaliation.

 

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I tried to contact you, but you disappeared, and I couldn't reach you, so I had to beg you."

 

"The building management asked me to come up and open the room," Oscar said with a guilty expression. "Actually, we intended to consult you about this that day, but when we saw your condition, we were speechless. Besides, it was just our own assumption. We don't have any evidence other than what Fah told us. We were afraid that if we spoke up, things would only get worse. So, we've been quietly investigating on our own, not daring to tell anyone for fear of ruining things. But it hasn't yielded much useful information. That's why we wanted to have the car inspected again, in case there's anything that could be used as evidence."

 

"It's okay," I took a deep breath, feeling like my brain's processing systems were completely messed up. I didn't know how I should feel first. Okay, I'm shocked, surprised, sad, angry, or disappointed—right now, everything feels like a swirling mess inside me. The feelings are overwhelming, but all I show is calmness. So calm that Oscar is starting to look worried.

 

"Won...are you okay?"

 

"Just a sec, P'Os," I told him. I wasn't angry at all that he was only telling me now, because up until now, it was me who had cut myself off from everyone and refused to acknowledge P'Fah's accident. It was because I was too weak. Everyone was afraid of breaking me down, so no one dared to speak up until they were truly cornered. "Please... calm down."

 

"Then let me tell you one last thing, so you can prepare yourself all at once." 

 

What? Is it not over yet? I'm already dying from this!

 

"What?"

 

"We were just clearing out our emails recently, and we found this in our spam folder." Oscar handed me his cell phone. I took it, feeling confused, but when I looked at the screen, that confusion was replaced by another feeling that I couldn't quite describe—neither good nor bad.

 

It was an email with the short, single word "Leave" as the subject. Inside, it was empty, containing only an audio file with a numerical filename. A long, random string of text was attached. The sender's email address was P'Fah's, and it was sent one day before the accident.

 

"We don't know what to say. We think you should just listen for yourself."

 

While that audio clip was playing, I felt as if I were being held underwater. It was suffocating, agonising. I thrashed about with every passing second. I cried in Fourteen's arms, with Oscar sitting beside me, crying with me.

 

"I want to kill him." That was the first thing that came out of my mouth after I finished listening to that audio clip.

 

"But we don't have enough evidence to say he actually did it. It was just the sound of them arguing—"

 

"No, he did it," I interrupted Oscar. At this moment, there was no need to think much more. I trusted my instincts.

 

"I'm certain he's the murderer. And don't worry about the evidence; there's plenty. I'll find it and show you."

 

The story of my older brother ended that day. I can't say it ended well; I can only say it's over. The murderer confessed to everything. The confession from the eldest brother regarding the bribery and the plot to kill his own brother implicated the employer, Mr Anan, Gloy's father. That's his business, not mine. Let karma decide what legal action to take.

 

The most pitiable person in this equation is Benny, the innocent young nephew who was forced to bear the consequences of these adults' heartless actions. First, he lost his beloved uncle, and now he's lost his father as well. This means he'll be moving to Canada to live with his mother and her new husband. It might take a long time for Benny to understand why he won't be with his father anymore, but I hope one day he will understand everything and realise how much his uncle loves him.

The story seemed to be resolving, but that was just one aspect of it. I caught the murderer who killed P'Fah, but the mess in my own life remains. The eldest brother confessed that he was indeed betrothed to Gloy. He thought the marriage was a good one because he and his wife had been separated for a long time, though they hadn't officially divorced. He'd also worked for Gloy's father for a while and earned his trust. He believed this marriage would advance his career and open up more opportunities in the business world—in short, it was a marriage for the money. 

 

The eldest brother also admitted that he had persistently tried to get Gloy to agree to the arranged marriage, but she refused heartlessly every time. She even introduced Chieng to her family and declared she already had a boyfriend and would never marry the eldest brother. This caused Chieng, who already liked Gloy, to misunderstand, thinking that Gloy had finally accepted their relationship and planned to pursue it seriously. He then confronted the eldest brother and declared himself Gloy's boyfriend, effectively declaring war. As a result, the two have been at odds ever since.

 

But in reality, Gloy wasn't serious about Chieng at all. She was just using Chieng as an excuse to avoid marrying the older brother. That's all. The eldest brother, upon learning this, felt angry and insulted. He decided he didn't want to have anything to do with Gloy anymore and asked Gloy's father to abandon the idea of ​​the marriage. That was the explanation he gave to the police when denying the accusation that he was the one who murdered Gloy.

 

Furthermore, on the night of the incident, the eldest sibling had a clear alibi, proving this point to be untrue.  So the question comes back to the same thing: who did it? If Big Brother didn't do it, if Chieng didn't do it, if I didn't do it, then would it just be an accident, as the police initially suspected? But isn't the timing too coincidental? I feel like there's something strange, but I can't say what it is.

I don't understand at all.

 

"Won't you accept?"

 

The sound of ten fingers piercing the soap bubbles surrounding me made me turn to look. I saw the Grim Reaper standing there, hugging a laundry basket. He must have been going to take the laundry to be done, but when he came out, he saw me sitting there, lost in thought.

 

"The phone," Fourteen nodded towards the cell phone I had left beside me. An unknown number was displayed prominently on the screen. It was nearby. It's this bad, yet I didn't even notice. It seems I'm really in a bad state.

 

"I'm too lazy," I replied listlessly. "I don't want to talk to anyone."

 

"What if it's something important?"

 

"Then, could you talk to him for me?" I finished with a pitiful look, my ultimate weapon. I had no idea if that heartless Grim Reaper would soften up. Or maybe he'll get more annoyed with me? But it wouldn't hurt to try anyway. Actually, he's been nice to me lately. "Bring me your laundry basket... let's trade."

 

"No thanks, I'll do the laundry myself." He walked over and placed the laundry basket on the floor next to me before picking up his phone. I suspect his trump card is his charming face. It looks like my sympathy is working again.

 

"I want to do the laundry," I said, pulling the basket close to my chest. "Stop being so distracting. Let me do it." With that, I grabbed the laundry basket and ran off. Fourteen was about to argue, but it was too late; he'd already answered the phone.

 

"hello..."

 

I chuckled at his fleetingly dark expression before heading straight to the laundry room, leaving the Grim Reaper to deal with the enigmatic call.

 

Normally, Fourteen and I take turns doing laundry once a week. I use the same rule I used to use with P'Fah. We're both quite picky about clothes; we don't really feel comfortable letting others touch ours. So we agreed to do our own laundry, except for suits for special occasions or expensive clothes that we don't wear often. Those are sent to the dry cleaners. If it's my turn but I'm busy or too tired from my shift, P'Fah will do the laundry. Conversely, if P'Fah is busy or tired from a week of work, I, being less tired, will take over. But there are also many times when we both do the laundry together. Those days are usually less tiring and quite fun.

 

Thinking about it, I'm also grateful to Fourteen for helping to fill the void that P'Fah left. He's changed so much. He does almost everything just like P'Fah used to do, to the point where I often find myself thinking I've got P'Fah back. I smile every time I pick a shirt out of the basket and find that it's Fourteen’s shirt, which actually used to belong to P'Fah. So, in his condo, he wears only t-shirts every day. The funny thing is, almost every one of his t-shirts has a paint stain in one corner or another. Painting was Fah’s hobby, and even when he wears an apron, he still manages to stain his own shirts. Maybe that could be considered a special talent? And this artist doesn't have a policy of throwing away clothes either. No matter how dirty they are, he'll wash them and wear them again. That's why almost none of his home t-shirts are perfectly clean and stain-free.

 

My laundry became much more enjoyable when I tried to track down the stains on P'Fah's clothes. Some were small spots, some were large, some were stained all over like a graphic design. I always laugh when I see them. And the unbelievable thing is, I remember almost all of them. There are several that I can pick up and immediately check for where the stain is, because most of them are the ones that P' Fah wears often.

 

As for this white shirt... I remember distinctly that there were small blue polka dots on the back hem, because I made it myself by hand. I intended to draw them on.

It was shaped like a heart, but the person noticed in advance and jumped out of the way, so it only got slightly covered in paint. But...where did it go? Why can't I see any marks anywhere? Have we washed it off so often that it's come off? That doesn't seem right. These colours don't usually wash off completely; at most, they just fade a little.

 

It's impossible for it to just vanish like that, as if it were never stained before. Plus, the colour looks... brighter than I remember.

 

"You," Fourteen suddenly appeared at the laundry room door without a sound, making me jump a little. "What's wrong? You're so easily startled today."

 

"You're the one who keeps appearing and disappearing like a ghost."

 

"I thought you were used to it by now," Fourteen shrugged indifferently before continuing, "I just finished talking to them. Someone wanted to see you."

 

"I don't want to see anyone...."

 

"I've arranged for him to meet me here tomorrow."

 

"Hey!" I exclaimed, "And you didn't even ask me first?"

 

"You must want to meet this person."

"Who?"

 

"You'll find out when you get there."

 

"What? Why didn't you tell me?"

 

"It's been so long, and you still haven't started washing?" That ill-mannered Grim Reaper shamelessly ignored my question. Fourteen walked over, picked up the remaining clothes from the basket, and put them in the washing machine without giving a clear answer. I knew that if he acted like that, persistence wouldn't change anything; he'd just keep quiet. So I gave up. I'll wait and see tomorrow. Anyway, that person will be the one to come find me; I don't need to go anywhere. 

 

"Standing there daydreaming, thinking about who?"

 

"I miss my ex," I replied calmly.

 

"Who?" Fourteen asked back, but he didn't seem interested in the answer. He didn't even look at me, just glancing between the laundry basket and the washing machine.

 

"It's P'Fah."

 

"Is he your ex-boyfriend?"

 

"So, would you be my boyfriend right now?"

 

"I saw you were still wearing the ring."

 

I glanced down at my left ring finger, almost forgetting I was wearing a ring because I never took it off. Or perhaps, for another reason...Perhaps it's because I don't dare look at it often enough, but to be honest, it's a little heartbreaking to know that the wedding that P'Fah has been waiting for will never happen again.

 

"Why would I take it off?" I replied casually, as if I felt nothing, even though I knew Fourteen would see through it anyway. But it just happened naturally.

 

"It's expensive, let me tell you. Once you get it, you have to wear it to get your money's worth."

 

"really"

"The Grim Reaper probably doesn't care whether something is cheap or expensive."

 

"And are you interested?"

 

"Yes, I'm interested."

 

Fourteen fell silent. I don't know if my answer affected him in any way, or if he simply had nothing more to say.

 

"Do you have any questions for me?"

 

The question made me freeze. I unconsciously tightened my grip on the white T-shirt in my hand, feeling nervous, and lowered my eyes, afraid to make eye contact with him. He tried, but it seemed the more he did that, the more fourteen entered my head.

 

"Ask away," Fourteen said again when I remained silent. He straightened up, looking down at the washing machine with the lid still open. No one was there.

They turned it off. No one picked up the laundry detergent to put in the machine. There were only two people standing in silence, as if trying to guess each other's thoughts.

 

"The day you went to the hospital...you were wearing this shirt, weren't you?" In the end, it was I who had to speak first.

 

"Yes," Fourteen replied.

 

"When we got back to the room, you just kept reading comics until I fell asleep, and you still hadn't showered." "Yeah."

 

"Then I woke up around three in the morning and found you sitting beside the bed, shirtless. You said you had just taken a shower," I said slowly. Speaking from the deepest depths of my own dark fear, "At that time... you had actually just returned from somewhere else, hadn't you?"

 

There was only silence. I was silent, he was silent. We didn't look at each other because each of us was afraid that the other's gaze would push us down. Still in the abyss of disappointment.

 

"yes"

His answer... I was scared.

 

"Where had you been?"

 

"So, where do you think?"

 

"I don't know."

 

"If you didn't know, you wouldn't ask me that."

 

Yes, he already knows. Fourteen knows what I'm thinking or feeling. Now he's just waiting for me to say it. He probably wants me to be honest. And him... will he be faithful to me?

 

"Did you wash this shirt?" I asked. It wasn't the first question on my list, but I just wasn't brave enough to bring it up yet. Asking me now is too difficult.

 

"I didn't wash it the way you taught me, I just cleaned it."

 

"The power... of a Grim Reaper?"

 

"Mm-hmm," Fourteen replied, his voice so flat it made me uneasy. "Just restore it to how it was the day you first bought it."

 

"Why would you do that?"

 

"Because I made a mess."

 

"What's all over it?"

 

"So, what do you think it's stained with?"

 

"Fourteen!"

 

I yelled at him. I didn't mean to, I didn't want to act like this, but he's driving me crazy. Fourteen knows what I want him to say, but he just keeps playing games.

This never-ending cycle... Does he want to see me lose my mind or something?

 

"Answer me properly," I stared at the side of his face, my eyes burning, ready to produce tears again, repeating the same feeling. That only reinforces the situation, making it even more painful.

"What do you want me to answer?" Fourteen remained as indifferent as ever. He acted as if he didn't care how I felt. "You already know."

 

"I don't know!" Again... I yelled at him. "I don't know, that's why I'm asking!" I don't know anything at all.

 

I don't know why he disappeared in the middle of the night after I fell asleep, when he usually stays by my side the whole time. I don't know why his shirt was so stained that it required his extraordinary powers to clean it. I don't know why the bruises on his chest didn't look like just bruises from CPR, but like something hard had hit him in a nearby spot.

 

I don't know why we can't find the murderer.

I don't know.

 

"Please answer me."

 

Even now, Fourteen still refuses to look me in the face.

 

"Do you want me to stay...or do you want me to go?"

 

"I don't know...."

 

"Do you want me to turn myself in to the police?"

 

"What the hell are you doing?! Huh!" I threw the shirt at his face before it landed on the floor at Fourteen's feet. "He's not even a person!"

 

"Why would I turn myself in? What's the point of doing that?!"

 

"Because you said I was a murderer."

 

"Fourteen!"

 

"If I say I didn't do it, will you believe me?"

 

"Then tell me, where were you that night? Give me an excuse!"

 

"I just stopped by Gloy's house to ask her to stop deceiving everyone, to admit that it's all her fault, not yours. I threatened her to scare her, so she threw a wine glass at me, staining my shirt. I washed it, but the faint stain is still there. So I had to resort to my own method because I didn't want you to know where I went."

 

I really wanted to believe him, but why... why is it so hard to believe? Why did Fourteen have to do this to me?

 

"Go away." I stared at him, unable to believe this was happening to me again. How many more times will I have to deal with this madness?

 

"At this rate, by the time I die, won't I be insane first? Get out of my sight."

 

Suddenly, he was gone, vanished in the blink of an eye. No excuses, no goodbyes, not even a glance. Fourteen left me in the laundry room with a pile of filthy clothes, loneliness, and a heart that's broken for the hundredth time.

 

I collapsed to the floor, covering my face with my hands and sobbing helplessly. I have nothing left. The only person I trusted most, the one I thought would never betray me for any reason. In the end... he's no different from anyone else in my life. He made me happy, and he killed me at the same time.

 

"So, are you going to tell me what's wrong?" Chieng said, chewing on some kind of snack I found in the cupboard. It was probably something Fourteen bought. There's only one person busy with all this, but I'm not eating. Let Chieng eat it all by himself. "He's been sitting there moping for hours. He won't answer any of my questions. I don't know how to comfort him."

 

I sighed in frustration. I knew it was annoying to have my friend sit there and just keep quiet like this, but I didn't know what else to do. Honestly, I don't want to be alone. I feel suffocated and want to vent everything out, but I can't. I even called Oscar at first, but he said he was filming, so I didn't dare bother him. In the end, I had to call Chieng, and then realised later that Chieng had never even met Fourteen.

 

How am I going to tell him? How is this going to end? Right now, we can't find the culprit because the real culprit isn't even human. Should I just go and tell them?

What did the police say? Oh, actually, Gloy was killed by the Grim Reaper. Is that so? And in the end, the police will be the ones to arrest me and send me to a mental hospital instead.

 

As I said, right now the police don't have enough evidence to arrest me, but I'm the only suspect left. So what am I going to do? So what now? Am I just going to be a suspect for people to keep criticising?

 

"I think... I know who killed Gloy."

 

Chieng choked on his snack the moment he heard that. He coughed until his face turned red, so I had to get him some water before he ran out of steam. The air died down first.

 

"How did you know?" Chieng asked, his face still flushed. "And...who was it?"

 

"You don't know him/her."

 

"I...I don't know," he pointed to himself. I understood perfectly. Chieng probably didn't want to believe that the person who broke into his lover's house and killed him wasn't someone he knew.

 

"We know each other exceptionally well, not just acquaintances, and we don't hold any grudges against each other at all. How is that possible? I don't understand, Won. Speak properly."

 

"That person... is quite close to me."

 

"Wait a minute," I held my breath almost every time Chieng opened his mouth to speak, "Is that the person you said was a friend you recently met, but who still came?"

 

"I'll be there for you often."

He knew that, too, huh?

 

Is it really that easy to guess?

 

"Yeah...that's him." Every word I uttered felt like I was spitting out pebbles—heavy and sharp, hurting me all over. Both of us were amazed. "This is terrible, the worst." 

 

I'm telling him that my friend killed his lover.

 

"Was he so angry he'd kill someone?" Chieng's voice rang out, his face flushed with rage. Of course, it was. In a split second.

No one understands the pain of losing a loved one better than I, especially in such an unnatural way. No one wants an accident to happen, but compared to being intentionally murdered like this, perhaps an accident sounds easier to accept. 

 

"What Gloy did wasn't right, but what right did your friend have to do that to Gloy? To the point of murder?"

 

"So, how long have you known? It's not like you've known for a while but didn't tell anyone, is it?" Chieng started linking the conversation back to me. The way he looked at me changed in a split second, as if he were a completely different person from the one who was munching on snacks just a moment ago. "Isn't it true that just because we're friends, we're going to keep it a secret?"

 

"No, I didn't know that either," I quickly explained. "I only found out this afternoon. There's only just become enough evidence for me to start connecting the dots. So I ask him."

 

"And it admitted?"

 

"He did make excuses, but to me... I feel like it doesn't sound very convincing."

 

"What did he say?"

 

"He said he only went to threaten Gloy because that night I went to the hospital to get some documents, and I didn't get anything back. Plus, I ended up cursing at him."

 

"I was also in a bad mood, so I came back to vent to him. I think that's probably why."

 

"Looks like he loves you so much, huh?"

 

"oblique..."

 

"At this point, it's definitely him who killed her. There was a conflict before, and he went to the woman's house late at night. Because everyone else has already proven that I didn't do it. If it wasn't me, then who was it?"

 

"Well, that's it," I sighed heavily, "that's why I'm sitting here stressed out."

 

"Where did he go?" Chieng snapped, looking around the room as if searching for the culprit they had been talking about.

 

"Did they run away?"

 

"yeah..."

 

"And you just let it go!?"

 

His voice got louder again.

 

It's my fault. I shouldn't have called Chieng now. My mind isn't ready to handle such a huge emotional storm. Just the fourteen-year-old thing alone, everything I thought he cared about, in reality, I was just a stepping stone for him. He stepped into my world to gain something for himself.

 

I'm surviving while I just wait to receive all the bullshit from everyone, receiving it in increasing amounts every day, every day, every day. Waiting for the day to explode, shatter, and disappear.

 

"Actually, there were some similarities, but nothing that was clear enough for me to make the connection," I replied in a hoarse voice, avoiding eye contact as I spoke. "It became clear with the shirt he was wearing that day. Suddenly, it looked strangely new. So I pressed him until he confessed that it was a different shirt."

 

I chose to lie about the shirt because it was impossible for Chieng to understand the Grim Reaper's powers, especially the power to reverse ageing.

 

"He said the shirt he wore when he met Gloy that day was stained with wine. Gloy threw a wine glass at him."

 

"Do you think it's true?" Chieng chuckled, clearly unaware of Fourteen's excuse.

 

"And when you found Gloy, did you see any wine stains anywhere?" I replied with a sigh. There's no other way to interpret this. Even someone hearing it for the first time would know it's strange.

 

"How am I supposed to see anything in this darkness? Blood and wine are the same," Chieng said, taking a sip of water. His face still showed his displeasure, but he had calmed down considerably, while I... froze.

 

"dark?"

 

And this time it was his turn to hesitate.

 

"Didn't you say you met Gloy at noon?" Chieng froze as if cursed. He held the glass of dewdrops, his eyes trembling.

 

"Gloy's house has glass windows all around it. The curtains downstairs are never closed, or even if they are, it's still very bright. If you go there at midday, it Is it still that dark, Chieng?"

 

"Hey... I... I misspoke," Chieng tried to force a smile, but it was no use. His face clearly showed extreme panic. He couldn't fool me, no matter how hard he tried, because I'd seen that face before. "I didn't mean 'dark.' Like... I meant 'hurry.' I was so flustered and didn't have time to look."

 

His reaction now is exactly like my older brother's when I caught him.

 

"Darkness and rushing don't seem to go together at all."

 

"Won... don't be like this," he tried to put on a brave face, even though he was sweating profusely like someone with a fever. "Didn't we say we wouldn't suspect each other?"

 

"But you yourself said your friend did it, didn't you? How can you suddenly blame me?"

 

"I believed my friend was the one who did it... until I saw your face now."

 

"It's not..."

 

"Why did you do this, Chieng?" I lowered my voice, the tears that had been welling up almost constantly drying up in an instant. "You deceived me to this extent. This...is unbelievable."

 

"I didn't do it. I told you I'd go home."

 

"No, you're not going home."

 

"Won, you can't falsely accuse me like this!" He raised his voice again, looking around nervously and fidgeting like someone sitting inside a prison. Anyone seeing this bonfire now would think the same as me: this is clearly the state of a cornered dog. "You let the criminal escape. You know that if I report you to the police, you'll be in trouble too."

 

"Go ahead," I challenged without hesitation. "Report it. Call now if you want. I'll sit here and wait. But you have to stay with me." Chieng swallowed hard, probably as if he'd swallowed a huge stone. I can't believe I believed him before, even though it was so obvious. I'm such a fool, unforgivably stupid.

 

"Did you bring Gloy's phone?" I asked calmly, while Chieng looked very flustered, even though it was just a simple question.

 

"No... I've thrown it away," he replied softly.

 

"throw away?"

 

"Hey! No, no, I didn't throw it away," Chieng changed his answer instantly, even before I could ask anything. I was just repeating his answer. His demeanor...His panicking now is hilarious, like a kid caught by his mom stealing money to buy toys. "I mean... I left it at home. I didn't..."

 

"Bring it with you."

 

"Then let's go to your house."

 

"Ha?"

 

"I want to look at Gloy's phone again. Let me see it now."

 

"Are you crazy? We can go tomorrow."

 

"No," I insisted firmly, "I'm going now."

 

He froze, his gaze sweeping this way and that, looking everywhere except at my face. His head was probably spinning right now. I racked my brain trying to figure out a way to escape this extremely risky situation, but of course, I wouldn't let him get away.

 

"Okay, go ahead," he finally agreed. I nodded in acknowledgement and walked over to pick up the car keys from the shelf in the corner of the room.

 

"Aren't you going in my car?" Chieng asked.

 

"No," I replied. "Let's split up. I'll follow in my car."

 

"Okay, whatever."

 

I returned a small smile, certainly not a friendly smile. It was just a smile to prolong this war of nerves. In my head, I'm trying to figure out how to prevent him from driving away along the way. It seems like the easiest and most feasible method. I know that well, but if I were to get in the same car as him, it would be like locking myself in a locked room with a murderer. If he could kill Gloy, his lover, then he probably wouldn't need me.

 

I hesitated.

What should I do?

"Let's go-"

 

While I was fumbling around, grabbing my phone, car keys, and wallet, and engrossed in my own thoughts, I momentarily forgot about it. Right now, the situation is no different than sitting in a car with Chaeng, just the two of us.

This is a private room. It was just me, him, and a kitchen knife in his hand.

 

"Hey!" I dodged, falling to the ground, when I turned to see Chieng lunging at me with a razor-sharp kitchen knife. There was no mercy left in his eyes; I saw only fear and ruthlessness that had been suppressed for so long. Now it was as if he had unleashed that beast, letting it hunt outside its cage. "Help!"

 

I tried to shout as loud as I could, hoping someone in the next room would hear me, even though I knew the chances were slim because there were people on this floor. There are only a few rooms, and each is exceptionally soundproof.

 

"Help me!"

 

"Shut your mouth!"

 

I screamed for help as I ran around the living room. I was afraid to run into the bedroom or bathroom for fear of only making things worse. This is exactly what I wanted, so I just ran and hid here while trying to get as close to the exit as possible.

 

"Hey, Chieng! Don't do that!"

"You forced me to do this!"

 

Dub!

Chieng lunged at me, jumping and knocking us both to the ground. I was pinned to the ground with Chieng straddling me. A small, sharp knife tip was poised to plunge into his chest.

 

"You... slant..." I gritted my teeth, struggling with all my might to hold onto the knife. My heart pounded with extreme fear. If I let him stab me, I'm definitely going to die. Even if they don't hit a vital spot the first time, a slanted shot in the second round is guaranteed to miss. I'm definitely not going to survive.

 

I have to die... It's really sad. I've wanted to die all my life, but now it's so terrifying. I'm afraid of the pain, afraid of the agony of dying, afraid of the body becoming so horrifying that the first person to discover it fainted. I'm afraid that P'Fah will be disappointed that I've only come this far. I'm afraid that Fourteen will be disappointed that I'm so foolish and incapable of taking care of myself.

 

I'm afraid of dying.

I don't want to die yet.

I don't want to die!

 

wad!

Ugh!

"Agh!"

 

In the instant that fear consumed my subconscious, I cried out, knowing for certain that I was going to die. I tried to prepare myself to accept my fate, but in a split second, just as I was about to give up, the demon that was about to plunge the knife into my chest suddenly flew away and landed not far away. Then, as if an invisible hand had compelled the knife to strike its own leg. Him...?

 

"Fourteen!" I shouted, looking around the room, hoping he'd be standing somewhere, but I couldn't see a trace of him. "Fourteen! Come out!" But I knew he was here. I'm sure of it; that was definitely his doing.

 

"Agh!" Chieng screamed again as the knife was swung and plunged into his other thigh. Bright red blood gushed down both his legs. It hurt. The pain was so intense that he couldn't stand up. He could only thrash around in agony on the floor.

"Won! Help... help me!" He screamed my name, his eyes wide with utter terror, while I stood frozen, staring at him in terror. I'm equally confused. I have no idea what to do. What's happening?

 

"Don't be afraid..." A voice spoke in my head. That voice is familiar to me.

 

"You can't die... unless I allow it."

 

That sound helped to dispel my fear, even though I stood in a room reeking of blood and the murderer's agonising screams before he finally lost consciousness and lay still.