The Grim Lover

***The ’Older brother’ term is used a lot in this novel. Please remember that its is P’Yai, Fah’s older brother, not Won’s. ***

My older brother arrived home in the early morning. I could sense that he was very hesitant to ask me to look after Benny while he was out of town. Even though he'd entrusted Benny to me several times before, back then, P'Fah was there, so it felt more like entrusting his child to his younger brother. 

 

Now that P' Fah isn't around, he seems especially hesitant to ask me, and I can sense a certain distance between us. I don't know, before, I felt like we were close relatives, but now it doesn't seem that way anymore.

 

Fourteen and I decided to leave immediately when our older brother arrived home, even though he suggested we sleep in, have breakfast together, and then come back later in the morning. But because Fourteen was with us, I didn't want him to spend too much time with other people, especially our older brother. We had to be careful because Fourteen had been with me everywhere—from giving testimony to helping take care of Benny at home—plus he always wore a mask. That alone was enough to make our older brother suspicious of Fourteen's true identity. He hadn't asked yet, but I think that awkward moment will come soon.

 

I think it could happen tomorrow if Benny keeps calling Fourteen "Ah Fah, Ah Fah" nonstop, because excuses like "he's so cute" are just like what P'Fah (a Thai celebrity) said. My nephew is confused. It probably doesn't sound very credible. It expires after only one use.

 

"You should go back to sleep," Fourteen said the moment we opened the door and entered the condo. I glanced at the wall clock. It's six thirty.

 

"It's morning," I said calmly, shuffling slowly towards the coffee maker in the kitchen. "What else would I be sleeping in for?"

 

"But you hardly slept at all last night."

 

"You didn't sleep either."

 

"How is that the same thing?" Fourteen walked over and snatched the coffee capsule from my hand. I sighed softly in annoyance, reaching out my hand...

 

I tried to snatch it back, but Fourteen held it up high and raised an eyebrow at me, giving me a look that said, "Think you can take it? Go ahead."

 

"fourteen"

 

"Don't eat," he said sternly. "Go to bed."

 

"I'm not sleepy."

 

"You're tired, why force yourself?"

 

"I wasn't forcing myself, but I couldn't sleep."

 

"Go try lying down first."

 

"I already tried!" A surge of frustration welled up inside me without warning, causing me to raise my voice slightly. Just slightly. That's all, and I'm aware of that.

 

Fourteen didn't say anything. He just walked away, put the box of coffee capsules in the cupboard, before going to open the refrigerator and take out a bottle of ice-cold water. Bring me a bottle.

 

"Drink this instead," he placed a glass of water on the counter and pushed it towards me.

 

"Sorry," I said, feeling guilty for unnecessarily letting my emotions get the better of me. "I didn't mean to raise my voice."

 

"It's alright," Fourteen replied with his usual expressionless face. He didn't seem to feel anything at all. It was only I who still felt disgusted by his behaviour.

 

"It's normal to be sleep-deprived and irritable."

 

At first, I never thought that just one night of sleep deprivation could make me like this. I'm a doctor; sleep deprivation is like a close friend. During my night shift, I usually work normally, without getting irritable or lashing out at anyone. At most, I might just make a grumpy face, typical of someone who's not getting enough sleep. But look at tonight. Just one night with things on my mind that kept me awake, and I ended up snapping at Fourteen like an old man going through menopause.

"I've never been like this before," I said after swallowing almost half a glass of the drink, before letting myself drift off onto the now-cold deuteronomy.

 

"Even sharper than the water I just drank. 'I used to be like this even when I didn't get enough sleep.'"

 

"You're like this because of me."

 

"Huh?" I looked up, not understanding what he was trying to say. "What do you mean?"

 

"You're always so demanding with me."

 

"What?" And Fourteen's answer left me speechless. "That's not true."

 

"TRUE"

 

"Are you crazy? I like arguing with you because you like to order me around, not because I'm self-centred."

 

"wayward"

 

"Fourteen Stop."

 

"I'm okay with you being self-centred," Fourteen said, finishing the half-empty glass before placing the empty one in the sink. He looked relaxed, as if nothing was on his mind, while I was struggling with both the old, bothersome issues and the new ones he'd just shoved into my head seconds before. 

 

"Don't worry too much. You're not fundamentally self-centred. You're a good reasoner. Occasionally, you'll be a little whiny, but never with anyone else but me."

 

I gaped, not knowing how to respond because I didn't even understand what he was saying. That analysis, which seemed like a mere compilation...Is that AI reliable? Am I really like that, or is Fourteen just trying to insult me?

 

"I wasn't insulting you," Fourteen answered the question in my head. "I said I was okay with you whining to me instead of someone else because I wasn't angry."

 

“Then I learned how to deal with you."

 

"Am I a four-year-old or something?" 

 

"No, you're an adult."

 

He's talking to my thoughts again, and this time it's not even a question. He doesn't even need to answer.

 

"But you were a child when you were with me."

 

I don't know how I should feel about that comment. I'm thirty-two, technically far from being a child, and I've always felt like I've fulfilled my duties as an adult. Many people close to me even think I have a personality and mindset that are more mature than my age suggests. Therefore, there's only one person in the world who always sees me as a little kid, P'Fah. I think he's the first and only person who sees that I still have a childlike innocence. I never thought I'd meet a second person like him today.

 

"Of course, you're a hundred years older than me," I said nonchalantly, neither accepting nor denying the conclusion of fourteen. "It's not surprising if you..."

 

"Look at me like a child, because I see you as my great-grandfather."

 

"Go to bed," Fourteen said with a weary expression. "Sleep well on your own, don't make me have to intervene."

 

"Why?" I tilted my head, looking at him with a straight face. "Are we going to have sex until I pass out like last night?"

 

"No," the Grim Reaper replied calmly, raising his right fist. He stared at me intently, his gaze conveying a profound meaning. Clear and complete to the point of being chilling.

 

"Okay," I readily agreed, reaching out to lightly kiss his impressive fist before heading straight into my bedroom. "Good night!" He didn't reply, but I was sure I'd have sweet dreams this morning because he wished me a good night's sleep with a one-finger hand gesture with utmost sincerity. I thought I wouldn't be able to sleep, but surprisingly, I managed to fall asleep and even slept for a long time, if it weren't for Fourteen waking me up. If I go have lunch, I think I can sleep some more. Unbelievable, considering I tried so hard last night and couldn't sleep at all.

 

"What are you going to do next?" Fourteen asked after I finished my lunch. I didn't finish everything on my plate, but I took responsibility for more than half, so Fourteen let it slide without complaining. He said that it was good enough that I wasn't sulking. "About your boyfriend's brother..."

 

I knew what Fourteen was talking about even before he elaborated, because right now, the only thing giving me a headache is this: last night, after Benny had finished his drawing and painting, I put him to sleep. Less than half an hour later, the toddler was breathing steadily in a hissing sound. Seeing that, I took Fourteen's hand and led him out of the bedroom and downstairs to talk. I told him everything I had seen. Fourteen didn't seem overly shocked, as is typical of an emotionally fragile Grim Reaper, but it was clear he was quite troubled by what he heard. That was to be expected, because while he and I were trying to unravel the mystery of Gloy, we never thought about our older brother at all.

 

This whole thing just doesn't make sense. Big Brother brought up Gloy's family. If he really did something wrong, wouldn't it be better to keep it a secret? Just staying quiet and distancing himself from the problem would be better than dragging himself into this. But at the same time, it's undeniable that he didn't tell the whole story. He only mentioned working with Gloy's father, which doesn't seem directly related to Gloy. 

 

Yet Gloy's name is in that document, and it seems important to him. If that's the case, and Big Brother isn't guilty, he should have talked more about Gloy, not just the father and acted like he's completely unrelated to his daughter, as he did before.

 

Now that she's dead, and he knows the nature of my relationship with Gloy, if he knew anything about her, he should have said something. Or something else, more than just "I used to work with your father, Gloy."

 

I know there must be more to it. "Honestly, I have no idea," I sighed dejectedly. "I've been thinking about it all night, but I still can't make sense of it. I think Big Brother must..."

 

"There's something involving Gloy, but I don't know what it is. And I also don't know why Gloy hid things about her family from me. It's not good. She didn't just hide it; she lied. She made up a whole new story."

 

"You've never met Gloy's parents, have you?" Fourteen asked.

 

"Never," I replied. "Gloy said her parents live in another province, so there's never been a chance for them to accidentally meet. And we don't usually need to meet our friend's parents, right?"

 

"Mm-hmm," Fourteen nodded slowly, as if thinking about what I said. "But you said Chieng  had been to Gloy's parents' house, right?"

 

"Yeah, P'Yai said he met Chieng  when he went to visit Gloy's father at his house, and Chieng  told him that he was Gloy's boyfriend."

 

"Is it possible that he's lying about the angle?"

 

"Why would Big Brother lie?" I frowned, not understanding. "And why this? Why bring up Chieng ?"

 

"I don't know. Maybe they're looking for a scapegoat?"

 

"I don't think so," I shook my head, not entirely agreeing. Chieng is my friend. If Big Brother was really making that up, wouldn't he think I..."

 

"Go ask Chieng ."

 

"He might just want to make Chieng look suspicious, thinking that if you ask him, Chieng  will definitely deny it."

 

"Why would he do that? If Chieng didn't do it, then he didn't do it. Even if Big Brother was the one who did it and really wanted to blame Chieng, saying just that isn't enough to be used as evidence."

 

"Hmm...that's true."

 

We fell silent again, each of us racking our brains to process the information. Right now, we're surrounded by questionable points. There are so many of them, and they're scattered in all directions, making it impossible to piece them together.

 

"Then I think you should try asking Chieng first," Fourteen suggested after a moment of thought. "Maybe you don't need to ask directly, but try subtly hinting at it. 

 

Gradually corner him about Gloy. If you approach it right, he might tell you. And if, hypothetically, he and Gloy were really dating, I think we could probably glean other information from him as well."

 

The fourteenth method is quite risky and could easily startle the chickens, but it seems to be the only way we can go right now. Perhaps if I use the layer...I might be able to subtly ask a question without arousing suspicion. If the answer isn't what I expect, I'll just have to find a way to deflect the question.

 

"Hmm... I think so," I replied. "But you can't come with me this time. If you're here, I don't think he'll ever say anything."

 

"Then call him here."

 

"He's come to see me often enough. This time, I think I should be the one to go to him," I said. Fourteen seemed to understand, but wasn't entirely pleased. Of course. He never wanted to let me go anywhere alone, because ever since we've been together, he's never been apart from me even once.

 

"Then you have to promise not to do anything strange."

 

"What kind of person do you think I am?"

 

"This strange thing includes suicide," Fourteen said seriously. Honestly, I'd almost forgotten the purpose of his following me around like a shadow because of this. Lately, I've been so preoccupied with other worries that I completely forgot about my desire to die. It's been a while since I've done anything risky that would scare Fourteen.

 

"Stop thinking that," the Grim Reaper interrupted my thoughts with a stern expression. "Don't think I can't follow you, Won."

 

"Oh, come on, I wouldn't do that," I said, chuckling. "Right now, there are things I'd rather do than die." Fourteen looked at me, as if scanning my thoughts to make sure I wasn't actually thinking of doing something he forbade.

 

"That would be good."

 

And finally, he believed me. Of course, I wasn't really planning to kill myself.

 

"I've already stepped in. There's no turning back now," I chuckled softly, realising I'd accidentally stepped on a landmine. At this point, even if I wanted to change my mind, it was probably too late. Even if I wanted to die, I couldn't fully let go. And if I were to actually die, I'd probably become a vengeful ghost with that huge burden still hanging around my neck. 

 

"At least I have to finish dealing with these things first before I can die."

 

"Dream on," Fourteen widened his eyes slightly at me. "Anything related to death has to go through me first. You have no right to die without permission."

 

"This is my real life..."

 

"After this is over, you will have many more reasons to live."

 

I haven't had a reason in a while. It's interesting that he can say that with such confidence. I'm curious to know the reason for it. Where will that come from? My tip has shrunk to a very short length. How much further can it stretch? I'd like to see for myself.

 

"By then, even if I weren't there to stop you, you probably wouldn't be trying to kill yourself again." (There was no Fourteen to stop him.)

 

No...fourteen? I don't know why he said that, but it felt so strange to think about what might happen someday in the near future. I will never hear the words "Don't die" from him again.

 

After consulting with Fourteen, we concluded that I'll see Chieng tomorrow. I tried sending him a chat message to ask, and he said he's not on call tomorrow. That means if nothing comes up, he'll finish work at 4:30 PM as usual. Statistically, orthopaedic doctors don't usually have those annoying issues. Their workload isn't as overloaded as that of internal medicine or surgery doctors. That's why almost all the young orthopaedic doctors have time to rest and exercise, making them quite handsome and attractive.

 

At first, Chieng invited me to a newly opened restaurant not far from his house, but I claimed I wasn't ready to meet people yet. Chieng understood immediately and offered to host me at his house, which was perfect. In the end, I would meet Chieng at his house alone at 6 PM, while Fourteen would stay in his room watching Conan, feeling lonely as usual.

 

Around 3 PM, while I was rummaging through my condo for art supplies, an unknown number called. My first thought was that it was probably another reporter trying to interview me, but then I realised it might be something important. Especially now that the investigation is intensifying, my older brother told me I should always be prepared to receive news.

 

"hello"

 

I decided to answer the call. Fourteen, who was engrossed in a comic book, immediately turned to look when he heard my voice, before turning back to pretending to read on, but I know he was listening intently to this conversation, both from what I was saying and from the thoughts swirling in his head.

 

(Hello, Mr Won. This is Chadana.)

 

My heart started racing the moment I heard the name on the other end of the line. Just like that, I knew something serious was going to happen again. It could be really bad news, like, "You can't escape now, I'm going to put you in jail," something like that.

 

But above all, before getting to the main point, I can't help but wonder if it's normal for police officers of this rank to contact the public themselves. Isn't this supposed to be the responsibility of the lower-ranking officers? Or is my case so big that my subordinates can't handle it? I guess I really am an important person, aren't I?

 

"Yes, Mr Chada, is there anything I can help you with?" I asked, my heart pounding. 

 

[I've received some additional information that may be related to Ms Gloy’s case, so I'd like to invite Mr Won to provide further testimony.]

 

I'm not sure if tomorrow morning would be convenient. Of course. I know that wasn't a question, it was an order. He was just trying to sound polite, befitting his handsome face. That's all. In reality, they probably desperately want to put me in jail.

 

"Yes, that's convenient."

 

(Great! Then let's make it tomorrow morning at nine o'clock.)

 

"Yes," I replied. "Do I need to bring any documents?"

 

[Just come as you are, please.] The police officer replied calmly. I don't know if I'm imagining it, but his voice sounded kinder when he talked on the phone. (Or...)

 

You can bring a lawyer with you if you like, in case Mr Won wants him to be present as a listener.

 

"Okay, I'll inform my lawyer first."

 

(Okay, thank you very much.)

 

He hung up, but I'm still so excited. I can't imagine where that information he mentioned came from or what it could mean. Whether it gives me an advantage or a disadvantage, I don't know anything except that I'm so anxious I can barely breathe. What if luck isn't on my side again?

 

"Won," fourteen, leaned up from behind the sofa. I turned to meet his gaze, my hands still trembling slightly. "Do you need any help?" I stared at his face, lingering for several seconds, unsure how much help I needed. I didn't even know what the problem was. What is this that I'm experiencing right now?

 

"Yeah." 

 

But in the end, I nodded in agreement, and the next moment, the Grim Reaper, who had been lounging on the sofa, was standing right in front of me. With superhuman speed, he pulled me into a hug without me even asking for it.

 

"You don't have to go all out if you're not sure," Fourteen said softly, his hand gently stroking the back of my head. "I'm going."

 

"I'm already your friend."

 

"If I don't make it this time," I said fearfully, burying my face in Fourteen's shoulder, "if there's evidence that I actually did it..."

 

"You didn't do it."

 

"But everyone believes I did it."

 

"I don't believe it." Fourteen's firm voice was like an iron wall, blocking fear from my mind for a split second. What I thought was anxiety slowly creeping up my limbs all subsided simply because of his words: "Not everyone does. I'm one person who doesn't believe it."

 

"Who would believe you?" Even though I was terrified and on the verge of tears, Fourteen unexpectedly made me laugh. I still leaned on his broad shoulder and playfully nudged him lightly, annoyed by his futile confidence. "What can you possibly change just because you're alone?"

 

"Yes, you can change it."

 

Fourteen remains confident. He wasn't just saying it to comfort me; he truly believed every word he spoke from the heart.

 

"Otherwise, why would I be here?"

 

"Right on time."

 

"Have I ever been late before?"

 

I grinned and looked up, much to the homeowner's annoyance, who reached out and pushed my head. Then I pushed my big friend.

 

That night, he just chuckled, amused, before taking the bottle of wine from my hand. I don't know what brand it is, what year it was made, or how much it cost. You'd have to ask P'Fah about that. All the wine in the condo and at the house belongs to P'Fah. My only job is to drink with him; I don't understand much about it. In fact, even now, I can't tell the difference between the taste of cheap and expensive wine.

 

"How long have you been back?" I asked, sweeping my gaze around Chieng's house. I've been to his house many times before, mostly on his birthday or whenever they feel like having drinks with friends.

 

"Just a while," Chieng replied casually, leading the way to the small bar counter that he'd been proud of ever since he bought this house. Every time I visited, I always sat here. "Nothing much today. Finished exactly on time. I packed up at 4:20, ran out at 4:30. No greetings to anyone."

 

"Impressive," I gave him a thumbs-up in admiration. I wish I could do that too, but my field of study prevents me from doing so.

 

That happens often, so I can't quit on time every day. As long as the operating room lights are still on, we have to keep fighting.

 

"I didn't have time to cook today, so I bought this from a nice place. Try it," 

 

Chieng said, arranging the food on plates. He had chosen some good-looking food from an izakaya, but Chieng regretted not asking what they had prepared beforehand. If he had known it was this kind of Japanese food, he would have bought sake or beer instead.

 

"It looks so delicious," I said, my mouth watering as I gazed at the dazzling array of food in front of me. "But you bought so much! Did you forget that there are only two of us eating?"

 

"I was afraid we won't have enough to eat."

 

"Wow... I must be a ghost or something."

 

Chieng burst into laughter, clearly delighted, before handing me a skewer of grilled meat and nodding entrustfully for me to eat. He's always like this; whenever he sees something delicious, he loves to force his friends to try it. Even if I say, "Okay, okay, I'll eat it later," he'll just shove it in my mouth right then and there. He truly has an incredibly strong will to share.

 

"Eat more, you're too thin," Chieng said with a smile before turning to open the cabinet behind him and taking out two wine glasses. 

 

"Now that P'Fah isn't around to take me out to eat, I've become..."

 

"So you're sniffing it, huh?"

 

"Huh... still thin?" I furrowed my brows, examining myself and feeling a little surprised that Chieng thought I was still thin, even though he'd fattened me up since I was younger.

 

I almost died. I think I need to go back and report that his efforts haven't yielded the desired results.

 

"From now on, you must eat five meals a day."

 

Just a fleeting thought, and his voice echoes in my head as if he's listening to my thoughts constantly. I feel like I'm going to throw up after three meals a day, I thought.

 

"Five meals"

 

"Why are you smiling?" Chieng looked at me with a slightly creepy expression because I was suddenly sitting there smiling to myself for no reason.

 

"Nothing," I replied with a smile. A faint chuckle echoed in my head. The Grim Reaper seemed quite pleased that I had become one of those silly fools.

 

"My friend left," I said, "I suddenly thought of something funny and laughed."

 

"That's kind of weird, isn't it?"

 

"Yeah, yeah, let it be crazy, but only me."

 

The conversation after that was as tedious as usual. It seemed like Chieng, and I would never run out of things to talk about. And to be honest, since Gloy left, we seem to have more things to talk about. The connection I have with this friend has grown stronger than before, in an indescribable way. I don't want to say that Gloy's absence made us closer, but that's exactly what it is.

 

Sip after sip, the smooth, delicate wine slowly flowed down both our throats. As our blood alcohol levels rose, we began to feel more relaxed. From jokes and gossip, we transitioned to the second phase of our drinking and conversation: venting and discussing life's problems. I didn't say much, because Chieng already knew what problems I had, each one too heavy to discuss without tears. So I chose to listen and mostly offered my opinions to Chieng.

 

His voice trembled when he mentioned Gloy. Chieng wasn't much better, but he wasn't sobbing hysterically either. I could just sense that each sentence he spoke was difficult to utter. His eyes were constantly red, and I couldn't help but wonder when the first tear would fall. I don't like seeing my friends cry, but I think that sometimes, stopping the suppression can lighten the burden, even if only temporarily, and reduce the suffering. As a senior who's also heartbroken, I thought this might be something I could offer him.

 

"I should have been calmer. I was too cruel to her before. But they say, people only realise their mistakes when it's too late." - 

 

Chieng spoke with a pained expression. I wanted to reach out and pat him on the shoulder to comfort him, but for some reason, I just sat there, watching him lament the unchangeable past, feeling dejected and uneasy. 

 

"You don't shed tears until you see the coffin. I only understood that now, when I actually saw the coffin."

 

That's right. For Chieng, it wasn't a metaphor. He had seen it with his own eyes: the coffin with Gloy's body lying there asleep inside. As for me, I didn't even get a chance to see a glimpse of her because there was no way I could show my face there. Or, even if I really wanted to go and say goodbye to her one last time, no one would welcome me. Because, to her parents, I'm the murderer who killed their daughter. I think Gloy's family probably believes that, even though there's no concrete evidence that I did it.

 

But thinking about Gloy's funeral, it suddenly occurred to me that I've never seen any news channel specifically mention her family. No family members were named, even though her father was a major national businessman. The funeral was held quietly, with no media allowed. Furthermore, the ceremony only lasted two days, and there was no further autopsy performed.

 

The more I think about it, the stranger it gets. Her parents never even tried to contact me, despite the media extensively reporting that I was a suspect. Number one since day one. Why do they need to hide her identity so much?

 

"I'm sorry, Won. I know you're uncomfortable hearing about Gloy, but I really don't know who else to talk to," Chieng said with a face full of guilt.

 

After rambling on about Gloy for over an hour, he said, "Just for tonight. After that, I'll never mention her to you again."

 

"It's alright," I replied casually, as if I felt nothing, even though I was actually as uncomfortable as he said. But what could I do? If he didn't talk to me, he wouldn't know who else to talk to. These things were too sensitive to discuss with someone we weren't close to. "I understand. Go ahead and talk if you want."

 

"Even though you have your own stresses, I'm only talking about my own..."

 

"It's alright," I replied, still saying the same thing. "You loved her so much, didn't you?"

 

He froze, as if my words had struck a nerve. The tears he had been holding back finally burst forth like a broken dam. Within seconds of my voice fading. That should be clear enough, I think. That expression, those tears... I've seen them before, not too long ago.

 

"Chieng," I called out to him, as the man sat with his head down, wiping away tears, looking truly pitiful.

 

"Mm-hmm," Chieng replied in a trembling voice, still keeping his head down as if he were utterly ashamed and had finally decided to cry in front of me. With the same issue again.

 

"You liked Gloy, didn’t you?"

 

He was still, completely still. It's not surprising. Chieng was probably shocked that I suddenly asked that, but I'm pretty sure he already knew what I was thinking. 

 

In the past, I never saw Chieng's closeness with Gloy as anything more than friendship. But after hearing about their secret relationship from our older brother, I started noticing more, both in the present and in the past. There was something I overlooked, something hurtful that I didn't notice, especially after Gloy left. I felt even more strongly that Chieng wasn't trying to hide his feelings for her anymore.

 

"Mm-hmm," he finally admitted, but still kept his head down. Now it wasn't just him hiding tears; I think he was avoiding eye contact with me.

 

"And did you ever tell her?" I continued. "Isn't part of the reason you're so upset because you never told her?" Chiang fell silent again, as if the answer to each question required careful consideration, or perhaps he was simply too tipsy to comprehend. You're as slow as a snail. Trust me.

 

"If I told you that Gloy and I have been dating for a long time... would you believe me?"

 

Now that it's come to this, if it's coming from the person themselves, we have to believe it.

 

"Really?" I knew my voice didn't sound surprised at all, but at this point, whatever. I was too lazy to pretend. I've given you more than enough.

 

"yeah"

 

"Why didn't you tell me?"

 

"It's not just that we didn't tell you, we didn't tell anyone," his voice grew harsher, as if keeping this relationship a secret wasn't important. He agreed from the beginning, "Gloy wouldn't let me tell anyone."

 

She didn’t want you to tell me? Why?... Or is it because of something at home? Do rich people really have relationship problems with their children like in dramas? Maybe Gloy's father doesn't admit it, no, if what Big Brother said is true, Chieng has already been to Gloy's parents' house, right? Or was it just as a friend? What the heck is going on? This is such a mess.

 

"Why?" I finally decided to ask directly. 

 

"Why can't you tell me?" Chieng paused again, thinking. Every time he went silent like that, it made me feel so uncomfortable I could barely breathe, and now I was starting to get irritated. It's arriving a little bit now.

 

"Because Gloy... didn’t want to be serious."

 

"Means what?"

 

"She didn't want to be serious, she didn't want to announce that we were dating because there's no future anyway."

 

Even though Chieng has said all that, I still can't piece things together clearly. All I know is that Gloy wasn’t as serious about this relationship as Chieng, but why? Chieng seems to love Gloy so much.

 

"What kind of future was there?" I pressed on.

 

"Gloy didn’t want to be in a serious relationship because she didn’t want to get married." That was completely new information for me. I never knew Gloy had that mindset, because she used to just complain about it.

 

She always said she was jealous of me, that she wanted to meet a good person, to have a good relationship. So I always understood that Gloy probably had the same dream as many women: to get married, to be someone's wife, to build a family and live together until old age. I still remember Gloy saying something like, "A lot of female surgeons are likely to end up single, but I'm going to break that curse."

 

But why did she tell Chieng that she didn't want to get married? I don't understand. By the way, do I even know Gloy? I'm starting to doubt it.

 

"Even though I've told her countless times that I'm serious, that I want to take care of her, that I've tried to adjust to everything, that I don't do anything she doesn't like, she says she didn't want to tell anyone, so I didn't. But no matter how hard I tried...it's still the same." Chieng's account sounded more like sadness than resentment. He was heartbroken that his efforts were in vain and regretted not having another chance to try. "I wanted to get married, but Gloy said she would never get married."

 

Life is truly fascinating. On this round world, we have people who want to get married but haven't found the right person yet, people who have someone by their side and are waiting for the right time, people who were about to get married but ultimately didn't, and people who already have someone on standby, but are determined that it will never happen.

 

Sometimes I feel like none of us is on the same planet. Maybe it's always been that way, but I wasn't mature enough to see it clearly. "It confirms that, but you guys still keep hanging out, huh?"

 

"Hmm... well, we can't just cut it off," Chieng sighed dejectedly, looking a little embarrassed. "We're just going on and off all the time."

 

That's how it always goes on. You try to break up, but you can't quite do it completely. In the end, it becomes like this—you die before everything is clear, just like before."

 

"So, before she left, how were you guys?" I asked. "Were you still together, or had you broken up?"

 

"Gloy wanted to break up," Chieng replied firmly, as if just thinking about that fact made him easily angry. "But I don't want to break up. I tried to win her back. This last attempt took a really long time. I tried to apologise every day, but she remained stubborn. I didn't know what was wrong with her. She'd never been this cold to me before."

 

"When you're trying to win her back, you go to her house, right?"

 

"Yeah, mostly we go home. We can't do it anywhere else."

 

"So, when was the last time you tried to make up with her...?"

 

"Which day...?" Chieng looked up, his gaze sweeping over my head as if recalling a hazy memory. "Probably two days ago."

 

Before it broke up, I went to her house to try to reconcile, but she got angry, saying she was annoyed that I wouldn't stop pestering her. I was angry too, so I left and haven't talked to her since.”

 

"Until the day it broke... You never got to see it again?"

 

"No..." Chieng shook his head, his lips trembling, before tears streamed down his face again. "That's why I'm still grieving now. She’s dead."

 

"We hadnt even cleared things up. I really shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have been so egotistical. I should have tried harder to apologise." I didn't answer anything. I just sat silently, focusing on my breathing. I did that repeatedly for several minutes until...When my heart tells me I'm ready, then I open my mouth and speak.

 

"Chieng," I called his name softly. He looked up, his gaze meeting mine, confused by my slightly changed demeanour. "The pen..."

 

"I gave it to you. Where are you now?"

 

"A pen?" 'Chiang raised an eyebrow. Of course, my blunt question left him puzzled. 

 

"It should be around the house. Why?"

 

"Can I see it?"

 

"Now?"

 

"yeah"

Chiang looked even more confused. He frowned, staring at me with a look that said, "Why are you asking for a pen now? Are you crazy?"

 

"I don't know where it is. Do you need it now?"

 

"So you couldn't find it?"

 

"I can find it, but I don't know where. What kind of pen do you want me to look for right now?" Chieng started getting irritated when I spoke like someone who didn't understand, even though I knew he was very upset. I know it very well.

 

I reached into my shoulder bag, which was resting on the bar stool next to me, took out my cell phone, and unlocked it. Then, open the most recent photo in the album.

 

"If you don't want to search, you don't have to."

 

I placed my phone on the counter and slid it across the plate of food and the wine glass, stopping it diagonally in front of me.

 

"Because no matter how much you search, you'll never find it."

 

He stared at the picture on my phone, gazing for so long that it was as if he had become one with the still image.

 

"Where... where did you find that?" Chieng's voice was trembling, but this time it wasn't from crying like before. "I had no idea what happened."

 

When did the pen disappear...?

 

"I didn't get to see her," I interrupted in a flat tone. His fearful demeanour didn't evoke the slightest bit of sympathy from me. The police found it."

 

"Ha?"

 

"Found it on a pickup truck."

 

Now, the tearful young man was frozen in shock, like a statue. His eyes were wide open, his mouth agape as if about to utter a clever excuse. He came out to survive, but judging by his face, which looks like he's been terrified, his brain is probably too short to process anything anymore.

"You said you saw Gloy two days before she died, and then you never saw her again. And you also told me this pen was with you last night."

 

The sixteenth day.

This is what I've been waiting to say for a long time. This is what I wanted to know, not that tragic love story. But I endured, through the wine. Glass after glass, dish after dish slowly empties, I endured with all my might, refraining from voicing what was in my heart... for this very moment.

 

"You said you saw Gloy again after she was dead. You walked into the house and found her body. You didn't do anything else besides that. So how did my pen end up in the crevice of Gloy's car seat even though the car was locked?"

 

I want to know how many friends I'll have left in the end.

 

"Between accidentally dropping it without realising it, or intentionally dropping it there to blame me, which answer would you rather answer?"

 

Seven hours ago.

I decided not to tell my older brother about giving testimony again. I know things are getting out of hand, especially since I don't even trust my own lawyer. But because I still haven't figured out what I saw that day, I felt uneasy about having my brother listen to my story with me. Ultimately, I might die from trusting the wrong person.

 

There were still reporters waiting in front of the police station today, as usual, but surprisingly, they seemed much more well-behaved. They didn't try to mob me. My hands are just like before, like a zombie's. I don't know if it's because I'm starting to realise how scary what I'm doing is, or because of the Grim Reaper who's following me like a shadow.

 

"Please come in," the junior officer gestured towards the same interrogation room as before. I bowed slightly before opening the door.

 

"Hello, Doctor," and the handsome police officer was already sitting and waiting.

Chada stood up and gestured towards the chair opposite. I offered a polite smile, nodded, and sat down in the same chair I had taken before. Fourteen also sat down in the chair next to me without saying anything. The police officer's gaze swept over Fourteen for a moment before settling on me. If I had to guess, I think Chada probably suspects Fourteen quite a bit, but since there's no immediate issue to pursue him, he's letting it go for now. But I think it won't be long before Fourteen gets his way with this handsome, well-dressed guy. It's just a matter of time before things get interesting.

 

"Thank you for coming today," the police officer began immediately after Fourteen, and I had settled into our chairs. "Actually, there's nothing to it."

 

"There are many, but it's something I think I need to ask the doctor about for clarification, so that's why I needed to come today."

 

"What's wrong?" I asked, feigning calmness and unaffected by the shock, even though my heart was pounding faster and faster. I'm about to faint.

 

"Yesterday, the authorities went to inspect Kloy's house and car again to look for additional evidence, and we happened to find this."

 

Chada picked up the brown envelope that was lying on the table and took out its contents, placing them in front of me. It was a clear ziplock bag, inside which lay a dark blue pen. The pen... had the word "Won" beautifully engraved in gold lettering on the top. Ah... this is so basic. I thought the story was more complicated than this. I thought there would be many more puzzles to solve before getting closer to the culprit. I must have been through enough trouble already. This time, God, in His boundless mercy, sent me the simplest test.

 

"Does this pen look familiar to you?"

Does this sound familiar?

I remember it perfectly.