"Are you okay? You space out a lot lately."

 

Sorn's nasal voice startles me as he descends the stairs. I offer the sick man, knocked out yesterday, a small smile as I make cocoa at the counter.

 

Oh cleaned up the broken plate for me. Meanwhile, Mee suddenly carries Sorn out of the kitchen because he fell asleep on the cooler of raw ingredients.

 

"I'm okay. Are you feeling better?" Sorn settles next to me. He leans down on the counter and rests his head in his arms, sighing.

 

"No, but I don't want to stay in bed," he says in a muffled voice. It brings a smile to my face.

 

"You overworked yourself, huh?"

 

"Couldn't be helped."

 

We fall into silence, listening to the wind chime hanging at the front of the restaurant.

 

"Ning once called me and cried about you when you were young."

 

I freeze and look at the oval face and charming eyes of the man beside me.

 

"She said she did her brother wrong and believed he hated her."

 

"..."

 

"But I doubt you hate her, right?" Sorn casts a faint smile. 

 

I don't know. That's all I can say. I don't know what expression to put on if I reunite with my sister. I've never given it a thought. I'm happy with being alone like this—no controlling family. No lockup. No condescending eyes when I do something against their liking.

 

"I don't know why you and Ning are on bad terms or why you ran away from home, but I hope you tell me your worries. Think of me as your brother, at least."

 

Sorn places his hand over mine. "If working is too much for you, you can rest. Don't worry about the rental fee."

Before the conversation continues, we hear a sound from behind. Sorn and I turn our heads to the person walking down the stairs. The long legs and emotionless face irk me without fail. Ket locks his eyes on me but stays quiet.

 

"Hey, Sorn."

 

"Hey."

 

Ket marches out of the restaurant after greeting Sorn, leaving only the smell of perfume I've never known he uses.

 

"How great it is to be someone who forgets."

 

I press my lips together at Sorn's words. The sick guy gets up and disappears into the kitchen like always, leaving me deep in thought. Right… I'm jealous.

 

'You'll forget.' I grumbled at the boy of the same age on the swing next to mine.

 

'I won't.'

 

'You forget easily.'

 

'Don't conclude that people will be like you.'

Hmph.

 

The moving swing let me see houses from a higher vantage point. We promised to go to the temple festival in our neighbourhood, but we needed to ask our parents for permission. 

 

Our parents met at the eighth-grade orientation. The adults got to know each other because we were close.

 

In the end, we didn't get to go to the festival since someone played with his dog after going home, forgetting the promise. Was I mad that Ning ended up holding my hand at the temple festival, and we threw darts at the balloons by ourselves?

 

Yes.

But my anger didn't last long. In the eighth grade, I stopped being mad because Ket bought me snacks. Kids' minds are such a mystery. They get angry because someone points their thumbs at them and simply reconcile when they lock their little fingers together—no reason needed.

It was absolutely ridiculous compared to the present. As they say, when you grow up, those who forget quickly are lucky. Those who can't forget have to suffer from the old memories. At the end of the day, you can't turn back time.

 

"Here." The small girl with the nickname 'The Daisy' of the club holds out a postcard to me. I flip and find my face in an anime version with three whiskers on each cheek.

 

"Are you making fun of me?" I glare at Mi.

 

"No. I drew it for everyone. I'll be participating in a booth in Bangkok, so I've made loads of postcards. For everyone."

 

The flower girl skips toward the club president upon the explanation. She hands him a postcard shyly, but the man has no clue she has a crush on him. All members know it, though. We can't even be bothered to call him stupid.

 

I put the postcard on the table and attached the woodfree paper to the drawing board. I've been bored with using the easel, so I'm painting on the table. I can even take a nap here.

 

I concentrate on painting daisies without paying attention to other things. It's past six now, and I haven't spotted that scowling man in the club room, even though he usually stayed here like a holy spirit guarding a shrine.

 

"Who are you looking for? He won't appear, no matter how hard you look." Fou teases me.

 

"What are you talking about?"

 

"Well, you've been glancing at the empty table for an hour."

 

"That's not true."

 

"Liar."

 

"I didn't do that!" I argue in desperation. My painting isn't progressing much because the club president is right. It just feels odd. He usually spent time here.

 

"You said you didn't like him."

 

"I don't like him."

 

"You're lying through your teeth!"

 

"Cut it out!!"

 

I scratch the back of my neck, unsure if I did something obvious to be caught up by Fou. I shake off the thoughts piling up in my head. Besides recalling the old memories, I feel strange when he's not present.

 

Stop it, Kieng. It should stop here, shouldn't it? I control myself to focus on the daisies until the painting is completed in time to go home. The club president turns off the light and locks the door.

 

I usually walk home when the sun is still over the horizon. If the sky is dark, I won't walk home alone, like today. The clock strikes nine, and I stick by Fou's side as we walk.

 

I'm not afraid of robbers but ghosts! As I've said, Fou is tall and good-looking but lousy. He draws others close to him because the faint red aura around his body convinces us that he's reliable despite his lousiness.

 

"What's wrong? Tell me." The person who has been quiet since we left initiates the conversation I've never thought would be brought up.

 

"What?"

 

Fou never asked anything when I was sick to death. What ghost possessed him to ask the question?

 

"You. And that Khobket boy."

 

Again. Why do people around me keep bringing it up?

 

"Nothing."

 

"You suck at lying."

 

"Why did you have to ask?" I scratch my temple, not knowing what to say.

 

"You're not the strange one. The way you look at him is full of resentment, but I can't say the same for him."

 

"Are you saying you can read his gaze?"

 

"Right. It's like he wants to talk to you but can't."

 

We make our way past the university's stadium like always. The freshmen are practising hard. Right. Ket is a first-year student. His absence isn't a surprise.

 

I don't know if I should talk to Fou about this since I actually don't want to think of that man. But, in the end, I confess because of the insistent eyes of the person beside me.

 

"We dated when we were young."

 

"Oh," is the only thing out of Fou's mouth.

 

"We broke up two years ago."

 

"Mmmm."

 

"That's all."

 

"Who still has feelings?" Fou asks, making my heart skip a beat.  Who has feelings? There's nothing left. My heart is in ruins.

 

"No one."

 

"Oh, yeah?"

 

"We broke up for goods. He disappeared out of the blue as if we were strangers. I don't know why he's back."

 

"There must be a reason. He wouldn't have come back otherwise."

 

Fou is not the first to say that to me. Everyone says Ket is back for a reason, though I can't figure out anything besides that he's back to mess with me. We exchange fewer than three words a day. It's all emotions. If he had a reason, we would've talked for hours. We enjoy the breeze as we reach the basketball court, and I spot someone standing out in there.

There's no mistake. His torso fits his legs perfectly. I wonder when he got that tall. His facial features are defined, unlike the kid's round face back then. His long eyes complement his sharp nose. The girls' screams from the sidelines imply his popularity among students.

 

"Oh, that's Ket." Fou halts and looks at him by my side.

 

I wonder when Ket got this good at basketball. He had this athletic vibe in the tenth grade. Our heights were similar in the ninth grade, but he got three centimetres taller than I did in the tenth grade after not seeing each other for only a short while. How tall is he now? 188 centimetres or 189 centimetres!

 

"He's good."

 

The way Ket holds the basketball shows a certain level of his agility. I can't take my eyes away. The way he throws or bounces the ball looks spectacular. Ket passes the ball to a girl close by, but she misses it. The ball bounces towards me and stops at my feet.

 

I don't know why I stopped watching when I lost all my feelings for him. I don't know why I brought up his name as the topic of the conversation after our reunion. And I don't understand why he's back...and acts completely unbothered like that. I know I can't turn back time. It's impossible. It'd end the same way, anyway.

 

I drop my backpack and take the ball in my hands, noticing Ket walking out of the court and stopping a short distance away. His face angers me.

 

I step closer to the person who is taller than before. Our heights weren't that different back then. But now that I stand close to him, it makes quite a distinct difference.

 

THUD!

I slam the ball at Ket's face, and Fou screams. The tall guy's eyes widen at the sudden attack. He falls on his butt as the ball bounces off in another direction, crimson blood trickling out of his nose.

 

"I hate you."

 

Upon saying that, I grab my backpack and head home, ignoring Fou calling my name. I hate you. I hate you the most. Why did you come back? Do you take pleasure in seeing someone else suffer? Knock, knock.

 

Someone knocks on my door after midnight as I do my homework. I get up, open the door, and feel surprised to see the person in front of me.

 

"Sorn."

 

"You made Ket bleed?"

 

Eh?!

 

Sorn drags me downstairs. The restaurant is in complete silence as it've recently been closed. A man in a school uniform sits there with an icepack pressed against his nose, all gloomy.

 

Sorn pushes my shoulders down with his beautiful, long hands to make me sit next to Ket, then settles in the chair across from me. Mee walks out of the kitchen after cleaning it up. I give him a signal with my eyes, but he simply leaves. Failing to get help, I scowl at the man beside me.

 

You snitch!

 

"We have three rules here. If you want to be here, you have to follow them," Sorn scolds. Ket and I keep our heads down. Sorn is scarier than my mother.

 

"If you hate each other, don't associate with each other. Don't destroy anything in the restaurant. Lastly, no physical fight."

 

I shut my mouth immediately before making an excuse, pinching the waist of the man next to me with my right hand. Ket curls up.

 

"I don't care if you despise each other, but if you hurt each other physically, both of you will be disciplined."

 

Sorn rises and points at the small kitchen with only one exit.

 

"Go inside."

 

"Sorn," I plead in desperation, not wishing to be in the narrow space alone with Ket. I've witnessed this method before. It was back when Tong fought with another senior, and they got locked up together in the kitchen. In the morning, they came out with their arms around each other's necks, nearly kissing one another. It doesn't work this time. Ket enters the kitchen obediently while I hesitate.

 

"Sorn."

 

He pushes me inside with his slender hand.

 

"You forced me to do this, Kieng. I wouldn't have meddled if you hadn't hurt him. Good thing it happened at the university. Had it been at my restaurant, I would've kicked you two out." The slim man closes the kitchen door and locks it. I blink at the panel and flop down with a terrible feeling forming in my chest. A silence...

 

We're enveloped in silence. Ket sits on the floor, cleaned by Mee before he left, still pressing his nose with the ice pack. I've seen this before.

 

'Your nose is bleeding again.'

I rushed to the boy, letting blood drop from his nostrils. I angled his face straight and absorbed the blood with my handkerchief.

 

'Don't look up!'

 

I squeezed his small nose. His shirt was covered in blood. I squeezed his nose for a while and released it, then I squeezed it until it stopped bleeding. Ket glanced at me with his dark brown eyes as if he was surprised I knew what many kids wouldn't.

 

'Ning's nose bleeds all the time. She said not to look up, or the blood would flow down your throat.'

 

Thank you.'

 

I smiled, finally feeling smart.

 

'Do this if your nose bleeds again, okay!

 

Ket nods with his emotionless face in agreement.

 

What an obedient kid, though he could be stubborn at times.

The sniffle draws my attention from the door. I turn my head to the person lying on his back.

 

"Don't you remember you shouldn't look up when your nose bleeds?" I grumble. Ket sits up straight and stares at me quietly. Those unreadable eyes make me want to stay away from him. Even though Ket was unapproachable back then, he expressed his emotions more clearly through his eyes.

 

I place my palm on the door, hopeless. It's my fault that we're locked up like this, but Ket is also in the wrong for snitching.

 

"Why did you tell Sorn?" I blame him.

 

"I didn't."

 

"How did he know, then?"

 

"Fou told him."

 

I clutch my fists so hard my knuckles crack.

 

Fou, you piece of shit!

 

Ket and I go quiet for only God knows how many times. I glue my eyes on the door as if I have a spell to unlock it from the outside. It doesn't work. I scoot on the floor toward the fridge and sigh in exhaustion.

 

"Will you tell me now why you're back?" Our conversation starts again. Ket stares at me in silence until I eventually avert my gaze. Why can't he say it? Is it that hard to explain? What exactly does he want for this return? Is it for his own satisfaction?

 

"Ning."

 

Come on. Is there nothing better to say? I feel like bursting out laughing like a maniac. I hold my head in my palms in weariness. It's been only a few days, and I've already felt this awful.

 

"Ning said she wanted you to be happy again."

 

"So she asked you to come back? What's that for? It's over."

"Who said that?"

 

"You."

 

"I've never said that. You assumed it yourself."

 

"You leaving without saying goodbye spoke volumes."

 

"You also disappeared without telling me. Wasn't it the same?" I'm taken aback. That's true. I was grounded and not allowed to go out.

 

"My mom wouldn't let me leave the house."

 

"Did you think I wanted to go to England?"

 

I go quiet, overwhelmed by this horrible feeling.

 

"Even if you're here now, it won't change anything."

 

Right. It will be an ugly circle. Even if we got back together, our parents would hinder us and we'd break up in the end. It should've been over two years ago. I should've forgotten and continued living my stupid life.

 

"I didn't expect it to be easy."

 

"Then why did you come back?"

 

The silence says everything.

 

We will never be the same.

 

"What do you want to hear?"

 

"Huh?"

 

"Let's break up." My heart drops. Despite our ended relationship, my heart stings for a reason. I pull my knees to my chest and bury my face in them, my eyes brimming with tears. I wish to knock on the door and tell Sorn, I'll leave. Until a word comes out of the mouth of the man before me. I feel like a loser more and more.

 

"Or..."

 

I listen to Ket intently. The light is suddenly turned off. Everything is in darkness.

Just like my heart.