Oh, it was raining. It was probably the most intense downpour that year. Don't play outside!'

 

I heard a shout from a distance. In the large basketball field, a group of boys my age were running around innthe rain delightedly. On the contrary, I preferred lying down and enjoying the cool breeze and the smell of the rain.

 

A cold bottle of carbonated drink touched my cheek. I fluttered my eyes open and looked at the other boy sitting beside me. I accepted the orange-flavoured Fanta from him. Given the coldness, it was right from the fridge.

 

'Hey.'

 

'Hey.'

 

We greeted each other casually, as usual. It was a rainy Friday, so we had a little more time together. The boy next to me wrapped his body in his hoodie to shield himself from the raindrops and rubbed his nose in frustration. I hate the rain.'

 

Right.

 

Ket had always despised the rain, the sunlight, and the heat, but he truly loved one thing: Stargazing at night.

 

'Aren't you hanging out with Guy and the others?'

 

Since we became tenth graders, we didn't join at the hips like before. I majored in languages while he majored in math. We could only see each other before classes, during lunch break, and after classes. Even so, we weren't estranged. We were as close as ever.

 

'No.'

 

'They'll be upset.'

 

'I want to be with you.'

 

The sound of the rain hitting the concrete floor. The sound of a teacher stopping the students from running around quieted down. The soft music from the music club. And the sound of my heart..racing.

 

'Liar. You were nowhere to be seen at lunch.'

 

‘I was talking to the teacher.'

 

'Where will you study?'

 

'I don't know. I'm considering Chiang Mai. Ket's reluctant words stung my heart.

 

'Are you moving to Chiang Mai?'

 

‘I want to.'

 

I pressed my lips together so tightly they almost bled.

 

'Aren't you going to the sea with me?' 

 

My voice and words were the most selfish things I'd ever directed to this boy. Just thinking about how we were already in the tenth grade and would choose our new paths in two years… I didn't want to be separated from Ket.

 

'I don't like the sea'

 

'Why?'

 

Even though I knew Ket didn't fancy the sea, he never told me the reason. Why would he hate such a beautiful place?

 

‘I lost my cousin to the sea.' Everything around me became silent, even the raindrops falling from the sky. I turned to the boy whose eyes turned gloomy.

 

‘You've never mentioned him!

 

'He was a distant relative. We'd been close since we were kids. Well, there's no use talking about the dead, isn't there?' ‘But...

 

'But you loved him, right?'

 

‘Yeah.'

 

That was the end of the conversation. Another downpour took place. I flipped on my side and gazed at the boy beside me, the one who grew up with me. Counting from middle school to now, it has been three years. We'd been together for three years, yet there were loads of things I didn't know behind those intense, fierce eyes. I once wondered why this boy owned such close-hearted eyes.

 

I touched Ket's hand. It wasn't as small as before. Did he grow bigger again? How fast. He was another step ahead of me.

 

'Why don't I know about you at all?' I said in a whisper with a hint of pain. Ket looked at me quietly and brushed a lock of hair off my face with his long fingers.

 

'My story isn't as interesting as yours."

Regardless, we were so close.

 

'Since that day, you've been taking care of me; haven't you? When I was bullied, you helped me: When I was late, you helped me sneak into the classroom. When l had to stand in front of the flagpole as a punishment, you stayed with me. You took care of me when I was sick. You've always been by my side, Kieng!"

 

“Despite knowing nothing, you're here: It doesn't matter to you what I've been through!'

 

I squeezed Kett's hand and leaned my face toward the warm frame of the boy with the faint, dull blue aura. Right. I didn't care about what he'd been through. But..

 

'That's why I don't want you to care about my cousin's passing. I don't want you to be the same me as a pitiful kid with no friends. I just want you to be happy to be with me!'

 

But I was ...

 

And want to be as strong as you one day so I can protect you as well"

 

But that was...

 

'Seffish, I mumbled, snuggling up into the warmth of the other boy.

 

‘I know what you like and dislike. I know your personality. I know everything about you.’

 

'Then why won't you let me know more about you?'

 

Those beautiful lips curled into a soft smile. 

 

Despite my blurry vision due to the rain, that moment was engraved in my mind forever. The sight of a boy in the rain in the background. Those fierce, gorgeous brown eyes slowly turned gentle. Those eyes conveyed all his feelings clearly.

 

'You must love me a lot, right?'

 

'Thank you.'

 

"Hic..hic...wah..'

 

Tears kept falling. I had no idea how long I'd been crying. All I knew was the more 1 recalled the memories and the way Ket looked at me, the harder I wanted to cry.

Why? Why did he leave without telling me anything?

 

Ever since we knew each other, he'd never told me anything. How selfish. You damn selfish brat.

 

He'd never told me what was wrong, how hurt he was, when he was sick, that he had no friends, or that he felt lonely. Why was he so selfish?

 

I buried my face in my knees and cried until it rained. It slowly fell until I got soaked all over. I ran away from home and had nowhere to be. Ket had flown to England, and I was too late to stop him. In the end...

 

I still didn't know anything about him. And yet, I still loved him. I loved that beautiful shade of his eyes. I loved those lips that smiled only at me. I loved how he used to care about me. I loved everything about him. That was why I didn't care about what he liked or disliked. As long as we were together, it was enough, wasn't it?

 

Would I see him if I looked up at the sky? Would I spot the plane Ket was on? But the sky was cloudy. It was full of clouds and raindrops, making me feel stressed. I couldn't find the star.

 

I rose after I finished crying. I had enough money to survive for a few days. And so, 1 headed to the nearest convenience store, got myself a cup of hot coffee, and went to the food section. I didn't have an appetite, though. My eyes landed on Kets favorite snack.

 

One of the few things I knew about that man. Jelly. I stopped in front of the convenience store, where a chubby dog was sleeping. I watched the rain fall, clutching my fist around the jelly bag so hard it exploded. Colourful jellies dropped on the ground as I plopped down.

 

I missed Ket.

I missed him.

I missed him so much.

 

I blink a few times. The vivid memory just now… It was a dream, huh? I thought I would stop dreaming about my memories once I made up with him.

 

I'm up earlier than usual this Monday. I've checked the weather forecast on the phone to be certain it's not raining today, so I'll take care of the nearly full laundry basket. It was quite a struggle to make a sketch for the contest.

 

Despite having an idea, creating it is more challenging. I have to put on lipstick and sketch. It'll take a while for it to take shape. 

 

I carry the basket downstairs, head to the back of the building, and spot someone spacing out in front of the washing machine. Even when I move closer, Ket doesn't notice. His hand is on the vibrating washing machine.

 

"Why are you zoning out here?" I nudge the side of his body. Ket jumps and turns his head. Seeing me, he casts a soft smile. Now that I've stopped spacing out, he's the one doing it.

 

"Just thinking about something."

 

"Did you not sleep well?" I ask the man with dark circles under his eyes. Ket nods.

 

"I have a headache. I took medicine."

 

"Are you sick?"

 

"No. I'm fine."

 

Our conversation ends just like that, with the sound of the washing machine breaking the silence.

 

Ket has changed considerably in the past two days. I barely talked or looked at him, but now we've started to chat and catch up with each other daily. We're closing the distance between us. Nonetheless, our conversations are repetitive. How are you today? Have you eaten? No bringing up the past.

 

"Are you comfortable being with me now?" Ket asks the question in a low voice, and I slightly press my lips together.

 

I can say I feel comfortable enough. It doesn't hurt to see his face as much as before. There are still things stuck in my mind, but I don't dare to ask.

 

No. Even if I ask, will I get the answer? I just remember this man has never revealed anything much. No matter how hurt or anxious he was, he never expressed it. Claiming he wanted to protect me, repeating that he wanted to take care of me. Isn't that kind of selfish?

 

"Pretty much."

 

"I know you're still not ready to start over."

 

"Yeah."

 

"Tell me when you're ready."

 

"Yeah."

 

That's all I can say. Deep down, I'm still scared of several things. I'm afraid Ket's parents will catch us. I'm afraid Ket will love his parents more and leave me again. I'm still not confident that we should get back together. I'm afraid of being hurt again.

 

Ket holds my hand in his warm palm. That much is, oddly enough, to soothe my heart. I drop my gaze at that hand, the one I once grabbed and lost. Will it disappear again?

 

Before we say anything more, we hear a ruckus from the restaurant. I release Ket's hand and rush over to check since it's Mee's and Sorn's voices.

 

"Why are you upset with me? Did I stop you?" Mee seizes Sorn’s arm. The restaurant owner has a frustrated expression. Sorn always smiles, but he's frowning today.

 

"I can tell you're not happy with it."

 

"Well, I don't like it."

 

"Leave, then. Get out of my restaurant."

 

"Don't be self-centred."

 

"Self-centred? You have the nerve to call me self-centred? It's your prejudice, Wan."

 

"It's not!" Mee raises his voice. Ket stands behind me, seeing the two adults in the restaurant fighting.

 

"Really? Then tell me why you were scowling."

 

"How many times do I have to say this? 

 

That girl likes you. You know that. She doesn't even like me, so why do I have to pretend to like her?"

 

"Because she's my friend!"

 

"But she likes my boyfriend!"

 

"You're also my friend, Wan."

 

Mee freezes. The men shouting at each other earlier turn their heads in opposite directions. I'm a little shocked to learn Mee and Sorn are dating. Although I could tell they had feelings for each other, they were never lovey-dovey or fought. Sorn and Mee got down to work, took care of us, then went back up to the fourth floor to sleep. Oh, I caught Mee in Son's room with his hair all messy that day. I suppose that's proof of their romantic relationship.

 

"She'll leave after a few weeks. Just ignore her if you don't like it."

 

"I don't want you to be with her."

"This again."

 

"Am I wrong? Who would love the idea of their boyfriend being with someone else? If you waver..."

 

"I'm not into Ning!"

 

My heart drops at the mention of the third party's name. I turn to Ket, but he doesn't look at me, his eyes locked on the scene before us. Why did they mention Ning...? Is it Ning, Kaning, my sister?

 

"But Ning is my best friend. I know Ning doesn't like you. I also know you don't like her. But Ning isn't coming here for us. Why is it so hard to understand?!"

 

"Sorn."

 

"Our relationship was over the day I chose you!"

 

Heaps of questions pop up in my head. I'm about to step out of the back area to ask what they're talking about and why my sister is involved, but Ket holds me back.

 

Sorn and Mee say no more. The awkward atmosphere makes me feel awful. Everything would've gone back to normal had the front door not been opened.

 

A fair-skinned girl in a tee and jeans wheels her suitcase inside. Her raven hair is tied up in a ponytail. She takes off the light-brown sunglasses with a smile I'm familiar with.

 

"Hey, Luksorn."

 

The voice I've always heard on the phone since I ran here. The person who gave me advice from afar. The only girl in the family who persists in being part of my life, even though I've cut ties with all of them.

 

"Ning."

 

I mumble her name, shocking the other three. Ning gives me a faint smile and flicks her eyes to Ket behind me. I don't know what Ket does, but Ning nods at him before scowling at the man holding Sorn's arm. Mee lets go of him and greets Ning like they've been close friends.

"Kaning."

 

"Hey, Mr Wan."

 

The already awkward atmosphere grows more intense. I can't pinpoint it, but it's uncomfortable and chilly, the kind of feeling you know something must've happened.

 

What happened between the three of them? Why is Sorn avoiding eye contact? Why is Mee glaring at my sister? And why...? Why is Ning here? Didn't we promise.....to never meet again?

 

Didn't she promise.....to never show her face? What is this?