Chapter 38. Yuri (Water Lily) Part 2.
The journey to Japan took a few hours until we arrived at Kansai Airport. We first discussed how to get to Osaka and ultimately decided to take the train, since that's what North wanted.
“Do you want to take the train? It’s uncomfortable,” Phi Arthit complained.
"I've never ridden a horse before. I want to try."
"And why should I come with you? Why should I please you?"
"Arthit, shut up," Phi Jo said. Phi Arthit pretended to cover his mouth and waved his hands at North and her, as if to ask why he should shut up and North shouldn't.
Of course, we couldn't avoid being the centre of attention. Even when I was alone with Phi Fah, we were already the centre of attention. Now, with four medical students, it was even worse. I don't know how they felt about being the centre of attention, but they didn't notice.
When we arrived in Osaka, we discussed what to do again. In the end, we rented two cars. North and Ter said they were just passing through and could drop me off at the entrance and then leave. So it was best to use two cars, one with Phi Fah, me, Phi Hill, and Ter in the back seat, and one with Phi Jo, North, and Phi Arthit.
I watched the changing landscape as I thought about the impending meeting with my mother. My heart was pounding with a mixture of excitement, happiness, and nervousness as I clutched the gift tightly in my hand.
"Are you excited?"
"Yes, very much so," I replied, looking at my watch. It was around 3:00 PM. I wondered if Daiki's school and Saito-san's work had already ended. Saito-san was my mother's new husband. "I'm afraid it would be inappropriate for him to come like this."
"It will all be fine."
"YES."
The car stopped in front of a house. Phi Fah looked at the map on his phone again and seemed certain it was the right house. I stared at the house, my heart pounding. It wasn't a big house, but it seemed quiet, and the weather was quite warm.
"This?" Phi Hill asked after getting out of the car. Phi Fah nodded. I wondered if three cars parked like that would attract too much attention.
"There's someone in the house," Phi Jo said, making me look toward the house. I saw a woman in a cream-colored shirt and skirt come out and look at us in surprise.
Mother...
Mother, as in the photo.
"Mom!" I called involuntarily. She opened the door and ran toward us.
"Ren!" she shouted, running toward someone... but it wasn't me. Why was she hugging North? "Ah… arigatou."
North muttered something, then hugged me back, embarrassed. What was he saying, thank you? Mom let North go, held his face in her hands, and began speaking rapidly in Japanese, visibly happy. North didn't know what to do and looked confused, while the others laughed. Oh, of course, Mom had never seen me before.
“Ah, sorry, I… I’m not Ren,” North finally said, causing his mother to immediately let him go.
"What? What did you say?" Mom asked, speaking in heavily accented Thai. North pointed at me.
"Dia Ren."
“Ah, gomennasai. Excuse me,” he bowed slightly to the North and then turned to me, pointing.
"Ren... is it true?"
"YES."
Mom slowly approached and hugged me gently. As soon as I smelled her scent and felt her warmth, I began to cry and hugged her back. She cried too. We hugged each other for a few minutes. When we parted, Mom gently wiped away my tears, touching my cheeks, shoulders, and hands as if to check how much I had grown. The tears continued to flow.
"Are you grown up?" he asked, gently stroking my head, his gaze filled with tenderness, sadness, and love that I can't quite put into words.
"I came to visit you," I said through tears, which made Mom cry even more. We stood outside for a while before she remembered.
"Come in," he said in Japanese, though he seemed to understand some Thai. Phi Fah and the others said they'd wait for us somewhere else to give us some time to spend together, but North and Ter wanted to stay.
“Be careful,” said Phi Fah.
"YES."
"Call me if you need anything."
"Yes." After talking a little more, we went into the house.
"Phoon, now I understand where you got your stiffness from. He didn't ask you before hugging me. I was the first one to hug your mother," North whispered, making me laugh.
“Yeah, that’s funny,” I replied, still laughing.
"Irasshaimase," said North while we entered.
"That's not true," Ter said, frowning. Mom, who seemed to have heard him, looked at us curiously. The house was larger than it looked from the outside. Mom led us into the living room, where there was a large low table and cushions around it.
“I’m going to get some tea,” he said with a smile, backing away slowly.
"Phoon, your mother looks like a typical Japanese housewife," North said excitedly, looking around. My mother was smaller than I had imagined, barely as tall as my shoulders. She was a petite, kind, and caring woman.
“Irasshaimase,” North repeated as Mom placed cups of hot tea in front of us.
"Are you still going to say 'irasshaimase'?" asked Mom, smiling.
"Irasshaimase means 'welcome' to the restaurant," Mom explained softly to North. I laughed, hoping North would stop joking after that.
"Irasshaimase," North repeated insistently. "He's so stupid! What's the harm in bringing him along?"
"We brought you some presents," Ter said, handing the bag to his mother. She smiled and bowed slightly before accepting it. Ter, who was confused, bowed as well.
"Me too," North said, handing her the gift. Mom did the same for Ter. I took a sip of the tea in front of me and tasted it.
"How does it taste?" Mom asked. I smiled at her and took another sip. It was very bitter.
"Cute."
“And you?” Mom asked North, who smiled and blinked rapidly.
"Is it true?"
"I mean, is it traditional?"
"Oh..." Mom gave me a blank look. I didn't know how to respond, so I said, "North."
"Yes, it's a tradition. In Japan, they drink Japanese tea, not Chinese tea."
I watched North try to finish his cup. When he finished, he wiped away his tears. Was he so bitter that it made him cry?
"How are you feeling?" Ter asked slowly.
"After drinking real Japanese tea, I can't speak Thai very well," North said in a shaky voice, but we all finished our cups. "Don't they have beginner's tea? Something to practice with before the real thing."
"Don't complain," Ter said, frowning. "Oh, right, we didn't introduce ourselves. My name is Easter, but you can call me Ter."
"I'm from the North."
"Are they friends, the same age?" asked Mom.
"YES."
"What are you studying?"
"Technique."
"Technique? What is it?"
"Ah, it's about project design and supervision."
"Oh. And you?" Mom asked Ter.
"I'm studying to become a veterinarian."
"Oh, that's impressive. And you, Ren?"
"I'm waiting for the exam results. I want to study photography."
"Oh..." Mom nodded, understanding. Before we could say anything else, we heard a child scream and run toward us from the door. Hey!
Daiki was surprised to see the three of us sitting there. She and Mom were speaking in Japanese, which I didn't understand, before she invited her to sit next to me. Daiki looked at me and bowed slightly, saying something that sounded like an introduction.
"He said his name was Daiki. Nice to meet you. This little boy has wanted a big brother for a long time," Mom explained. I looked at the chubby boy, who looked at me with shining eyes.
"Really? I've always wanted a little sister, too," I replied. Mom translated my words, and Daiki smiled widely before hugging me tightly. Then Mom introduced North and Ter to Daiki as well.
"What did he say?" North asked.
"Daiki said you look like a goldfish."
"Eh, eh, eh!" Daiki yelled as North pulled his cheeks until they were flat.
"North, don't make fun of that kid," I tried to stop him, but it was too late. The two were already getting closer. North, you're already twenty. What do you gain by making fun of an eight-year-old? Mom laughed, looking at them affectionately. Daiki said something in Japanese, trying to pull North's ears and cheeks in return. North wasn't going to lose.
"What did he say?" North asked. "Mom, what did he say?"
"He said if you're a goldfish, you have to stay in the water."
"This boy..." Ter and I could only watch helplessly. It was an absurd scene.
"You're a grown-up and you still don't understand Thai."
But she's Japanese... The senseless war ended with both of us panting from exhaustion. Daiki turned to us.
"Daiki wants us to play with her. She said she has something nice to show us."
"Oh, come on," Ter said, getting up. "You stay with Mommy. We'll play with her." I nodded in response. As Ter and Daiki left, Daiki stuck his tongue out at North.
"I told you this boy was bad," North said, standing up after Ter. I was left alone with Mom in the living room. Silence fell over us. The others probably wanted to give me some time alone with Mom.
I knew why they wanted to come into the house: they were afraid I'd feel uncomfortable. Seeing that I was fine, they took advantage of the opportunity to leave us alone. I was grateful to those two. Otherwise, I would have been too nervous to do anything.
"...Mom... I'm sorry. I couldn't be with you."
"No problem."
"Hik... Mom... I'm so sorry." Mom started crying again, harder this time. I only managed to calm her down. "Mommy loves you... Mom misses you so much. You probably won't believe it."
"I think... I think. I miss you too... I've always wanted to see you."
"Yes... Hik, hirooo." We hugged, comforting each other in the silent room, filling the void of twenty years of absence. I couldn't help but cry again. My mother's scent, the warmth of her embrace, something I'd never felt, were more than just a longing. They were more than anything else in the world. It was an irreplaceable embrace.
I felt the void in my heart, the place that should have belonged to my mother, finally filled.
After a while, Mom took my hand and led me into the garden. We sat on the veranda, overlooking a small garden with a pond. Mom left for about five minutes and returned with some snacks. The atmosphere here is fantastic. It's a beautiful place, with a light breeze that makes the hanging bells ring.
"Mom wants to hear your story."
"YES?"
"Everything... what you went through, while Mom was gone."
"Ah... so, can you tell me your story first?"
"Since when did I leave?"
"YES."
"Well... it all started when my grandmother died. My grandfather died when I was little, so I lived alone with my grandmother. I graduated from high school, and then my grandmother died. Before she died, she expressed a desire to return to Thailand, so I brought... er, my grandmother's body to Thailand with all the money I had, even though it was very little. I went to... Phuket."
"Ah... so grandma is from Phuket."
"Yes. I had no money, so I started working as a dishwasher in a restaurant. After a while, I was promoted to waiter. That's where I met your father. I don't know how it happened. I was very young, too young to understand everything. I was alone in a foreign country, so when someone paid attention to me, I was thrilled. I never thought he'd betray me. I gave him everything, my body and my heart, until I got pregnant with you."
"He told me I should terminate the pregnancy. He threw money at me, about 2,000 baht. He said he was married and couldn't take responsibility for his actions. He even accused me of thinking the baby might not be his. He called me... something, I don't remember exactly."
"Okay, go ahead," I said, realising Mom hadn't remembered the word. Maybe it's better this way; maybe it wasn't such a good thing.
At that moment, I didn't know what to do. I was angry, sad, and confused, but I didn't want to terminate the pregnancy. I saved money to buy food. I didn't have money for prenatal care. I gave birth alone in my room, helped by a neighbour. At first, I wanted to raise you alone, but looking at myself in the mirror, I felt... pathetic. I didn't have breast milk because my health wasn't good, and I didn't have the money to buy it. I felt sorry for you. I could only feel sad. During the pregnancy, your father never came to visit me. Sometimes I could contact him, sometimes not.
One day, I decided he had to take responsibility or help us. Crying, I took you to him, begging him to help us, telling him we would starve to death.
"Mom seemed to be holding back tears. I wanted to cry too. Why did all this have to happen? And besides, I was only eighteen or nineteen.
"He didn't accept us. We argued in front of his house. He tried to throw me out until his wife showed up. He also brought a little girl, probably named Torfan."
Torfan….
"The three of us were arguing until the neighbours noticed us, so we stopped. Your father's wife suggested a DNA test. If it were a match, we'd talk about it. Your father didn't want it, but his wife insisted. We took the test, and the result was positive. In the end, we agreed that I should leave you with them and not interfere. Otherwise, they wouldn't help us. Your father was furious, but I think his wife felt sorry for us, so I agreed to leave you with them."
"Why?"
"At least then you'll have food and a warm bed," Mom said. I felt a lump in my throat. Mom didn't want to leave me... she didn't want to.
"I begged them to name you Ren. They agreed, but they won't. Ren is the name I had in mind for my first child."
"Why, Ren?" I asked curiously.
"Ren... means 'lotus.' My name means 'lily,' and they're similar. Besides, I think lotus flowers... aren't just beautiful in a bouquet or a vase. They're beautiful in their natural habitat, without needing decorations. They're beautiful in their own way, and I want my son to be like a lotus, beautiful just the way he is, without anyone telling him what he should look like or where he should be," the mother continued. "You shouldn't try to be as beautiful as a rose in a vase, because lotus flowers are more beautiful in water."
"Ah... I see. It's better to be yourself and be where you belong... right?"
"Yes, exactly." Mom smiled. "Let me continue... After that, I watched you from afar for a few months, making sure you were safe. Then I decided to return to Japan. If I had stayed in Thailand, I couldn't have resisted the temptation to see you. I worked and saved until I could return to Japan and start over. But I missed you so much that... I sent you gifts for every birthday. Oh, your birthday is tomorrow, right?"
Oh, yes, I'm sorry.
"You're about to turn twenty-one, right?"
"YES."
"And afterwards, were they kind to you?" Mom asked, worried. I pursed my lips and sighed. Perhaps Torfan's mother took some care of me at first, but as time went on, raising her husband's son and another woman must not have been easy.
“Don’t worry, it’s over,” I replied.
"Tell me your story."
"Don't you want to hear it from Dad?"
“No,” Mom said, shaking her head.
"Forget it. Tell me about yourself."
I started telling my life story when I was a child. I talked about the prizes I'd won for poetry and calligraphy in elementary school. I became class president and performed on stage. I was often among the best in my class. I talked about the essential events of every age: little things that children want to share, but that no one hears except Torfan. Things I'm proud of, but that no one seems to appreciate.
Mom listened attentively, showing happiness and pride. This is what I wanted to tell Mom: everything, because apart from Phi Fah and Torfan, no one appreciated my efforts.
"You're very talented, you're even the class president."
"Yes, but some students didn't hear me."
"What did you do next?"
"I told the teachers. They got angry and made fun of me, but I always stood up for myself."
"You're powerful. Have you ever been hurt?"
"Yes, I got hurt a couple of times, but they were injuries from men. When they saw that I wasn't afraid of bullies, the other students came to me for help. I could always help them."
"You are a reliable child."
"And in fifth grade..." I continued to tell my story in detail and with enthusiasm until I reached the present.
"So the person next to you when you came is your partner?"
"YES."
"And the others?"
"Those wearing the blue shirts are the Ter couple. Those wearing the grey shirts are the North couple."
"And the other one?"
"He's their friend."
"Oh, how funny, everyone came to say hello." Mom smiled. "It's almost dinner time. Take them to dinner, or if you prefer, you can stay here."
"Don't worry. It'll be annoying."
"Does it bother you? Of course not."
"Really, just being able to sit and talk to you feels like a dream. Enough now," I said sincerely. I didn't want to disturb him further.
"Or are you not happy that I'm getting back to you?"
"No, not at all. It's nice that you've started a new life and that there's someone to take care of you."
“My son,” said the mother, pressing her lips together as if she wanted to say something.
"I've always felt guilty for not being able to do anything for you. Now I'm willing to make up for it. If you want, you can stay with me."
"No... don't worry," I replied softly, frowning. I was touched by what Mom had said.
"That's enough. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to see this with you.
"Why do you talk as if we'll never meet again?"
"I didn't mean that. I just want you to have a new life. I want you to know I'm okay, that you don't have to worry. I just want to see you and make sure you're okay, too. I want you to follow the new path you've chosen, and I'll follow mine. We're not on the same path, but we have each other, right?"
"Yes... I understand. But I'm still your mother, right?"
"Yes, you'll always be my mother," I said, smiling broadly and feeling my heart fill with happiness. "And I'll always be your Ren."
"...Okay, I love you."
"I love you too, Mom," I said, taking her little hand. She took my hand again. It was such a soft, warm hand.
"Will we meet again?" asked Mom.
Yes, if I have the chance, I will come to visit you.
"Yes, don't forget to come visit your mother."
"Oh... by the way, Mom."
"YES?"
"If it doesn't bother you too much... could you write me a letter every now and then?"
"Ah... sure, sure."
"Thanks." We exchanged addresses so we could text each other before heading home. We found the three of them playing in the living room. We hung out with them until Phi Fah texted us asking where we were going for dinner.
Just as I was about to ask Ter and North, I heard someone come in. It was Saito-san, Mom's husband. Seeing him, Mom went to help him with his suitcase and took his coat off. Mom introduced us to Saito-san. He seemed like a really nice guy and invited us to dinner, but I declined, thinking it would be better for them to have dinner with their family. Seeing that made me feel more at ease. Mom has a really nice new family. They're a very warm family. I texted Phi Fah to tell him we were going out to dinner. Shortly after, the others came to pick us up, and it was time to go.
“Wow, this little girl keeps bothering me even in front of her dad,” North complained, annoyed as Daiki pulled up his pants to keep him from leaving.
“It seems like he doesn't want you to go,” Ter said.
"No, he's just tugging at my pants. Stop, they'll rip!"
Daiki said something, and Mom translated it for him.
"Daiki said you haven't won the game yet. He'll give you another chance next time. Come back soon to try again." I smiled at Daiki's words and stroked her head.
"Prepare to lose next time," I said. Mom translated, and Daiki smiled broadly. I couldn't help but squeeze her chubby cheeks.
"I'm going now. I'll send you a letter."
"Mommy will be waiting for you. Happy birthday in advance. Take care of yourself. You're slim, so eat well. Your skin is clear. Exercise. Don't put too much pressure on yourself. You can do anything, I believe that. Let me know if you need anything. If you're the person I expect to be... You'll always be my son. No matter what happens, I love you, and I'm proud of you."
"I love you too, Mom." I hugged her one last time, saying goodbye. Then I watched Daiki cry as North struggled to free himself from her embrace.
"Do you really want my pants that badly?"
“He doesn’t want you to go, he doesn’t want your pants,” Ter said.
"Now I have snot in my pants."
The mother sent Daiki away from the North.
"This little girl is like this when she likes someone. She seems to really like you, North," Mom said, smiling. She spoke to Daiki and then looked at me.
"He said Ter and Ren are good brothers, but North is really mean. Despite that, he wants to play with you three again."
“Mean? She was the one who made fun of me in the first place,” North said to Ter, who shook his head in annoyance.
"Arguing with an eight-year-old drives me crazy."
"I'll definitely be back. Stop crying. Here," I said, taking a small plastic figurine from my pocket, one I'd gotten from a vending machine near the train station. I didn't know if she'd like it, but she seemed pleased and stopped crying.
"He said it's rare. Kids at school compete to collect it."
"Oh, great. Take care of yourselves, Mom and Saito-san. I'll be back to visit you soon," I said, smiling at Mom and Saito-san. I was about to leave when Daiki hugged me. I saw her, her face sad, hug me tightly. I couldn't help but return her hug. After a while, her mother had to push her away.
“Be careful on the road,” said Mom, looking around at everyone.
I went back to the car and saw Mom talking to Phi Fah. I couldn't hear her from inside and didn't want to eavesdrop. I'll ask her later, when Phi Fah gets in the car.
"What did you say?"
"Oh, he just thanked me and asked me to take care of you."
"And what did you answer?"
"I promised her that I would take care of her son and protect him with my life."