South; Beside the Sky. 

"Hmm?"

 

"Am I small?"

 

"No, you're as big as a bear. Why?"

 

I stared at him until he looked up from the drawing he was drawing and met my eyes.

 

"Yesterday. Phi Fah patted me on the head and said I was very small."

 

North frowned. This time at art club was the worst for Him, because He said he was terrible at art, and I guess that's true: North wasn't any good.

 

"North, why are you so serious?" I asked, as I finished my drawing and began

making fun of him.

 

"Huh? Can you give me a minute?"

 

“Do you need help, Dao?” I asked him.

 

The person mentioned was colouring his drawing on the other side. Dao raised his head slightly when he heard his name.

 

"Why is your face green?"

 

"I concentrate, I hold my breath while I draw."

 

"Damn, you look like you're almost out of breath."

 

"North, buddy, don't overdo it." Ter leaned his head over to look at North, who looked very serious. "You could die like this."

 

"Ugh." North sighed deeply. "I can't do this. Dao, help me."

 

"Now call me by name."

 

"Tolong, Dao."

 

"Ugh." Dao let out a soft sigh before getting up and sitting in North's seat, continuing to draw. "Hmm. Should I use some new paper?"

"You're so rude!" North whispered to me, clutching his chest and watching Dao use a fresh sheet of paper to start over. "And what did you say about being small?"

 

"Am I tiny?"

 

"Isn't that a polite way of saying you're short?"

 

"Phi Fah said I'm short?" I looked shocked. "I don't believe it."

 

“You’re north,” Ter replied without looking up from the drawing.

 

"That's a nice way to call you."

 

"Really?" North frowned thoughtfully. "And what did Phi Fah say?"

 

"He said, 'I'm tiny.'"

 

"Why did he have to say 'really'?"

 

"I don't know." I shook my head slightly. "Ter, are you sure he didn't mean I'm short?"

 

"No, he didn't mean it. I told you not to give North too much thought," Ter said with a tired expression, while North raised his eyebrows in mockery.

 

"It's fun."

 

"Really?" When I first heard that, I thought, "How can I describe it?" When Phi Fah said it, I felt a little embarrassed; it was hard to put into words. After that, we didn't speak again until we went to study and each went our separate ways.

 

"What's important is that you stroke your head."

 

"Yes." I remained silent, and, remembering the events of the previous day, I couldn't help but smile. Even though several hours had passed, I still felt a warmth in my heart.

 

"Hey, are you guys chatting on LINE?"

 

"Oh?"

"With Phi Fah. You said you blocked his LINE when you broke up." North's words reminded me. I hadn't thought about it because of everything that had happened in the last few days. I quickly grabbed my phone and opened LINE.

 

“Should I unlock him and send him a message?” I asked hesitantly.

 

"Well, Phi Fah will know you unlocked him."

 

“Oh. Speaking of LINE. I also blocked Phi Fah on Fan’s LINE,” I remembered.

 

I hadn't told Phi Fah about Fan. "Oh no, will Phi Fah be mad if I tell him I lied about Fan?" I said worriedly.

 

"Why do I make so many mistakes?"

 

"If you tell him about your sister, that..." North said with a serious expression, "Tell him you lied because you let it slip at first, right? But your father stopped you when you wanted to tell the truth, right?"

 

"Yes," I nodded. "That's exactly the point. At first, I wanted to apologise for what I'd said, but then I didn't think it through; I was just scared. But in the end, my father forbade me from telling the truth."

 

"Then tell the truth and apologise again."

 

"I think so," I said grimly. We'd just made up, and now we had to confess and apologise again. "It would be great to take Phi Fah to meet Fan."

 

"Ask him," Ter suggested. "We can do it during the holidays, after final exams."

 

"Yes, that's right. I'll explain everything right away," I said. Everyone nodded in agreement. I'll wait until the holidays to invite Phi Fah to our hometown, where I'll take him to meet Fan. Then I'll admit I lied about her being alive. I unblocked Phi Fah on LINE and sent him some stickers, but he hasn't read them yet. I'm curious if he still uses LINE.

 

"Do you study every day?" I asked.

 

"Yes, doctors have to study every day, and so do we. Do you want to join us today?"

 

"Yes, I'll go. Dao, do you want to come with us?"

"To learn?"

 

"No, thanks. I have work to do."

 

"Back at work? You didn't even stop working during the exam?" North asked, roughly ruffling Dao's hair. Dao flinched, but let North tease him. After North stopped, Dao slowly and secretly fixed his hair. "By the way, have you eaten today?"

 

"Yes, I ate," Dao replied quickly, surprising us all. Why was he so nervous?

 

"I ate a lot. Don't be angry with me."

 

"What did you eat?" asked Ter.

 

"Grilled meat and sticky rice."

 

"How much did you eat?"

 

"A skewer of meat and half a packet of sticky rice."

 

The three of us sat in silence, looking at each other. That was half a normal person's portion, right? Usually, two skewers of meat and a packet of sticky rice. "That's not a normal portion. Ter, you usually eat two skewers, right?"

 

"Five skewers and I'm still not full."

 

"See Ter as an example."

 

"He eats so much. I can't keep up with him."

 

After we finished working at the club, we chatted a bit. As usual, Dao left first to go back to work, while the three of us waited for the doctors.

 

"Dao's a hard worker. Is he saving up for a car?" North asked. We were sitting at Phi Gip's bar. When I entered, I silently picked up the package Phi Fah had left that morning and left my package with Phi Gip. We sat at the table in the back.

 

"I know, curious."

 

"Well, I'm a curious boy. What did Phi Fah leave you?"

"See, you're getting curious again," I said. North frowned and gave me an annoyed expression.

 

“North, don’t get too close. Move away,” I pushed North as he tried to get closer to see what was in the bag I was holding.

 

"Come on, let me see it too."

 

"Be.'

 

"What is that? Wow, that's interesting!"

 

"You always look great," Ter said, laughing at North's reaction. I pulled a Polaroid out of my bag: a sunrise. Phi Fah had sent the photo with today's date, as if it were the view of the sky he'd seen that day. When I turned around, North was already sitting next to Ter, facing me, in his original position. Maybe he was tired of trying to peek. It was odd because North usually didn't meddle too much in other people's business.

 

I put the photo back in my pocket. I haven't opened the letter yet because I forgot to take it out. What if the medical students arrive? For now, I'll put the bag in my backpack. Sure enough, within fifteen minutes, all the medical students had arrived, except Phi Fah, who was waiting at the checkout. I watched him pick up the package I'd just given to Phi Gip.

 

"Thank you," I said, taking the package and thanking him. Phi Gip smiled at me, but there was a hint of concern. Maybe because I had picked up the package yesterday afternoon and today, whereas I usually come early in the morning, and I had met Phoon both days.

 

"Has he been away for a long time?"

 

"Yes, some time ago."

 

"Did you know I would be picking up the package this afternoon?"

 

"Oh, no, I didn't tell him," Phi Gip smiled. "Why did you come this afternoon? Did you want to meet him?"

 

"No," I answered honestly. I hadn't intended to wait for Phoon when he came to deliver the package yesterday, but Hill had already told me he wouldn't be coming because he had something to take care of. I knew what was on his mind, so I didn't want to bother Phoon by asking him to deliver the package for me first and then take a taxi to the store. So I waited until I thought Phoon had already delivered the package to Phi Gip before entering the store, which turned out to be just in time, just as Phi Gip was preparing the chocolates. I came today because we all met here.

 

"Oh, doctor."

 

"Yes?" I was about to leave when Phi Gip called me.

 

"I'd like to ask you something."

 

"What?"

 

"How long have you been communicating with the person who wrote the letter?"

 

"Hmm," I paused for a moment, calculating the time. "Almost two months, I think. She started sending him letters about two months ago, at the beginning of the semester. I didn't respond until midterms, and now it's finals."

 

"It's been a while."

 

"I think so."

 

"So, what are you going to do after the final exam, during the holidays?"

 

"Ah, I don't know yet."

 

I've been thinking about it for a while: if we kept texting each other like this, we probably wouldn't talk during the holidays. Since no one would come here during the holidays, Phi Gip's shop would be closed, and most people would go back to their hometowns. Phoon probably wouldn't be in his dorm either.

 

"Fah, what are we going to eat?"

 

"I don't know," I replied, sitting on the couch next to Thit. At the table, we were talking about dinner.

 

"You never had an opinion," Jo said irritably. "We just go along with Ter."

 

"Me again?" Ter asked, frowning. "Since my birthday, you guys have always done what I wanted. Hmm. I want sushi."

 

"Which restaurant?" asked Hill.

 

"I read a review a few days ago; there was a place that looked nice," Ter said, his eyes sparkling. Finally, we went to the sushi restaurant Ter had recommended.

 

"Phoon, are you coming?" Ter asked, and Phoon seemed hesitant. He usually went with Hill.

 

“Phoon can come with me,” I offered, causing the little one to pause for a moment, his face red, before slowly approaching me.

 

"I'll go with Phi Fah," Phoon replied. Ter nodded and then left with Hill. I smiled in satisfaction when the little girl decided to come with me; then we got in the car.

 

"Hi, Fah." I slowly turned toward the person who had just called me. Why? I'd never heard my name sound so good.

 

"YES?"

 

"Ah, I sent you a message on LINE."

 

Ah. So he's already unblocked me on LINE.

 

"Oh, what's wrong?"

 

"No, I just wanted to say hi."

 

"So, I'll answer you when we get home."

 

"All right."

 

The person sitting next to me remained silent. I handed him the bag I'd just received, and he looked nervous as he examined it.

 

"Can you hold it? I have to drive."

 

"Candies."

 

I started the car and drove. Every now and then, I glanced at the little one, who seemed quite tense, not daring to hold the bag. When he looked out the window, I could only see a portion of his red face, including his ears. I wondered: how can anyone be so adorable?

 

"Phoon, can you help me with something?"

 

"What is it?"

 

"Can you get the contents of that bag out for me?"

 

Because I was focused on the road, I couldn't see the little boy's expression, but I imagined he was very nervous.

 

"What's inside?"

 

"Uh. Polaroid photos, letters, and candy."

 

Hearing his trembling voice, I couldn't help but smile. It was adorable.

 

"What photos?"

 

"Flower."

 

"Can you read me the letter?"

 

"Are you sure?"

 

"Yes, I'd like to know what the letter says, but I'm driving. Can you read it to me?"

Phoon was silent for a moment. I watched him slowly take a letter from his bag and open it.

 

"All right."

 

I waited in silence as Phoon began reading the letter, trying to suppress a smile. Her soft voice began to flow slowly, stumbling a little over some sentences. The content of the letter wasn't much different from usual. I wondered how embarrassed Phoon felt reading aloud what she'd written to me. But looking at her face and her cheeks red as if they were about to explode, it was clear enough.

 

"Is it finished?"

"YES."

 

"Thank you."

 

“No problem,” Phoon replied with a sigh and put the letter back in the paper bag.

I asked Phoon to read the letter, partly to tease him, but mostly to hear the writer's voice. I wanted him to tell the story in his own voice, not just read it. And now I know. The original author of the letter was even sweeter than I had imagined.

 

I didn't dare look at the paper bag they'd just placed in my lap. My heart was pounding so hard I couldn't control it. I stared at the road and the landscape outside the window, not daring to turn my head to see the person next to me or their expression. Phi, you understand. Why did you ask me to read the letter? Oh my God.

 

I unconsciously bit my lower lip. My hands were shaking a little. I didn't know how to feel as I read my letter aloud to the person I liked. And the content of the letter.

I almost died of embarrassment. I wanted to stick my head in the air vent. I was sure my face was red, so I tried to look away so he wouldn't notice. As the car continued to drive, we stopped speaking. Before I knew it, the car had transformed into a restaurant I didn't recognise.

 

"Is this the restaurant?" I tried to read the sign in front of the restaurant. Was it the one that said Ter? Or was Phi Fah lost? Impossible. Why didn't he leave with the others?

 

"This restaurant is good, you should try it," he said as he unbuckled his seatbelt and got out of the car. As I opened the door to leave, I saw Phi Fah come around the car to open the door for me. Did he open the door for me?

 

"Thank you," I said softly, still surprised by his gesture. I followed him into the restaurant. "Shall we have dinner together?" Oh dear. I'm afraid I'm too nervous to behave normally. When I read the letter earlier, I was so nervous my voice was shaking, and my tongue was knotted.

 

We entered the beautifully decorated restaurant, where the staff escorted us to a table inside. I was a little nervous because I rarely go to places like this. I occasionally eat with Uncle Kong, and he takes me to fancy restaurants. Speaking of Uncle Kong, we hadn't spoken to each other in a long time. We ordered our food. As the table grew quiet, I didn't know what to do. Maybe it was because we hadn't spoken in a year and had just started talking again, but I was disoriented.

 

"When does the final exam start?"

 

"Oh, uh, the 26th," I replied. Final exams were held from late November to early December, and then there were the entrance exams in March. We had limited time; I wasn't sure if it was enough. It usually takes years to prepare for college. I'd read about it, but I'd forgotten some things.

 

"Do You Know?"

 

"From the 20th to the middle of the following month."

 

"How many exams do you have?"

 

"Only three finals, because we already have midterms," ​​Phi Fah explained. I nodded in understanding. Midterms and finals were difficult in medical school, but there weren't many because they were spread out over a continuous period. In short, it's constant exhaustion because exams are always around the corner. We talked about the final exam, which was the hardest. I hadn't told Phi Fah I was planning on changing majors. I wondered if I should tell him, since he always encouraged me to study what I enjoyed. Soon after, they served us lunch.

 

"Hi, Fah."

 

"YES?"

 

"I'm thinking of changing majors."

 

"Again?" Phi Fah looked up in interest. "Change again?" I nodded in response.

 

"Isn't it too late? You're already in your second year. If you change majors, you'll have to start over in your first year, while your friends will be in their third," I asked hesitantly. Actually, that was one of the reasons I was worried. It was hard not to feel sad when I had to graduate after my friends.

 

"No, two years in exchange for doing what you love to do for the rest of your life is worth it."

 

"Exactly. Which faculty do you want to change?"

 

"I want to learn photography."

 

"Hmm." Phi Fah held his voice, raised his head, and looked at me with interest.

 

"Photograph?"

 

"Okay, if you like." Phi Fah smiled faintly, as if he had something on his mind. "But that major is in the Faculty of Arts, isn't it?"

 

"Yes, I need grades in art." This means I don't have to take complicated physics, chemistry, and biology exams, just the basic ones.

 

"So there won't be much material. Have you started studying?"

 

I shook my head slightly. "No, I just started. I'm a little worried there won't be enough time."

 

"Sure," Phi Fah smiled. "Do you want me to help you study?"

 

I stared at the person in front of me, shocked. All the memories of asking Phi Fah to help me study came flooding back. I remembered saying something rude to him. "Phi Fah, I didn't understand a thing you just explained."

 

"It doesn't matter, I didn't understand anything you explained either. Let's skip this lesson."

 

"I don't need your help with this; it's enough."

 

Even though I have behaved badly, Phi Fah continues to offer me his help.

 

"Yes, please help me study," I said, biting my lip and feeling uncomfortable. "Thank you." I thanked him sincerely, wanting to apologise again.

 

"No problem, but can we do it after my final exams?"

 

"Yes, of course," I nodded enthusiastically, smiling broadly. Why is Phi Fah so kind? Deep down, I still feel a little selfish because I wish Phi Fah would only be kind to me.

 

"Hi, Fah."

 

"Candies?"

 

"By the way. Um, about the letter."

I decided to talk about the letter. Since Phi Fah had asked me to read it, he had no intention of hiding it. I didn't know what Phi Fah thought of the sender, but asking politely might have worked.

 

"Um, about the letter."

 

Not knowing how to ask, Phi Fah, who was waiting, raised her eyebrows curiously.

 

"Can you tell me what's wrong?"

 

"Normally, if I were someone who knew nothing about the letter and saw it for the first time, what would I ask?"

 

"Who is?"

 

"Ah." Phi Fah was silent for a moment before slowly shaking his head.

 

"I do not know."

 

"NO."

 

"Did you talk to someone you didn't know who they were?"

 

"Yes, he didn't tell me."

 

"Do you write to each other as pen pals?"

 

“Something like that,” Phi Fah replied.

 

"OH."

 

What else can I ask of you? Calm down, Phoon. Act normal.

 

"So you don't know anything about that person?" I looked up and saw Phi Fah with his head resting on his hand, his gaze fixed on me with a curious, knowing expression. Ahh. Maybe it was just my imagination. We continued talking for a while until dessert was served. The waiter cleared away the empty plates and asked me to wait a moment for dessert. But... what did Phi Fah's look mean? Oh my God. I couldn't look him in the eye.

 

"He didn't tell you anything about himself?" I asked, trying not to let my voice shake.

 

"Mmm, he hardly said anything to me. Even when I asked him, he didn't answer."

 

"Ah, what a shame."

 

"Yes, that's a shame."

 

When I heard this, I raised an eyebrow at Phi Fah. He didn't show much emotion, but I could already tell he wasn't entirely on board, just as I'd thought. For someone like Phi Fah, who knows almost nothing about others, where does he find any sense of security in a relationship like this? Even if I'm close to Phi Fah, I might not be close enough to make him feel secure.

 

"But that's okay, that's okay too."

 

"Is it possible to speak without knowing his name?" I asked.

 

"If that's what makes him comfortable, that's fine with me, too. Being this close is enough."

 

"Ah." It pained me to hear those words. "How long have you been talking?"

 

"Hm, it's been a few months."

 

"How long can this go on?"

 

"For as long as it takes."

 

The way she said it. Was Phi Fah interested in the person in the letters? My heart was pounding, soaring as if floating. It was a warmth, something hard to put into words. I'm falling in love with you all over again. This could be the millionth time I've fallen in love with you.

 

"Is something wrong, Phoon?" Phi Fah asked, probably because I was silent. I smiled faintly and slowly shook my head.

 

"Nothing, I just find it cute."

 

"What's sweet?"

"That you and that person are exchanging letters."

 

"Hmm, why?"

 

"Well. It's just... I didn't understand what he meant, so I didn't know how to respond. "I think it's nice, since not many people write letters these days."

 

"Really? But I like it."

 

"That's why I said it was sweet."

 

"Hm. But this also has its disadvantages."

 

"What are the disadvantages?"

 

“Something like wanting to see the person but not being able to, or wanting to hear their voice but not being able to,” Phi Fah said, which made me pause for a moment.

 

"Besides, if they disappear, I don't know what to do."

 

"Oh. Exactly, if I disappeared." I unconsciously repeated Phi Fah's words. I don't know why, but seeing him rest his head on his hand made me feel uneasy, as if I were being watched.

 

"Right? If that person disappeared, it would be too cruel."

 

"Cruel?"

 

"Yes, making me fall so deeply in love and then disappear, isn't that too cruel? If someone is that lovely, they should learn to take responsibility for the feelings they arouse, don't you think?"