South; Beside the Sky. 

I looked at the sky again, I don't know how many times that day, before looking ahead. I grabbed my jacket to zip it up when I felt the air grow cold. It's about to rain.

 

After answering the phone from an unknown number and finding out it was my dad's new wife, she introduced herself as Prae. When she called herself Aunt, I called her Aunt Prae. Honestly, I already knew her name. I secretly checked Facebook to see what my dad's new family was like. Aunt Prae said she had something she wanted to talk to me about. I hesitated for a moment before agreeing.

 

I felt it was something I shouldn't avoid. I had to see her. At first, I was worried about what had happened to my father. I immediately contacted Uncle Kong, but Uncle Kong said my father was fine and that nothing was wrong.

 

I haven't told my friends yet, thinking they'd worry if I did. No, I'll talk to Aunt Prae, find out what it is, and then tell them. If I tell them first, they'll come to me. It's my problem, and I have to deal with it on my own. I just want to do it alone, no matter what. I'll think about it.

 

I was lucky to arrive at a small café near my dorm before it started raining. The rain was falling so hard I could barely see anything outside. I entered the shop, looking around. A woman in a white tracksuit and with shoulder-length brown hair was sitting with a small child on her lap. I walked over and sat down on the opposite side.

 

"HI"

 

"Are you Phoon?" I nodded, summoning a little courage to look at the person in front of me. I don't know why, but I could sense the warmth in his eyes, the sadness, and a faint smile.

 

"Would you like to order something?"

 

"Oh, yes." I paused for a moment and opened the menu to order a hot chocolate, as it was quite cold. When I finished my order, I looked at the little girl sleeping soundly in her mother's arms.

 

"Her name is Nong Fai. I've been a little busy lately, so I don't have a maid to help me, so I brought her with me."

 

"Oh, right."

 

In the silence between us, I was surprised not to feel as awkward as I'd expected, and the sound of the rain outside made me feel a little relaxed. I took the hot chocolate the waiter brought and drank it.

 

"Typhoon."

 

"YES?"

 

"Do you want to meet me?"

 

"I don't know where to begin." Aunt Prae looked only thirty, but she looked younger. Her sweet face expressed more concern. "You know I don't want to bother you by talking to me like that."

 

"I know it's hard to talk to you about this. You know Rit. I mean, your dad remarried, right?"

 

"But he never told me he had a family before." His soft voice was laced with sadness, and his sad eyes made me feel the same depression. "I only found out a few days ago."

 

"Aunt Prae, don't you think it's a problem that Dad already had a family?"

 

The woman smiled slightly and shook her head gently. Why is she such a sweet and kind person? Is she like me or like Fan? I can almost see Fan, thirty years old, sitting across from me.

 

"I'm fine, as long as he doesn't lie and leave me like this. Am I thinking right? What did he leave you?" I didn't dare answer. I pursed my lips uncomfortably. What should I do? I didn't think they'd ask me something like that. If I told the truth, Dad would be unpopular with Aunt Prae, but if I lied...

 

"Can you tell me the truth? Did he take care of you?"

 

"Why do you want to know?"

 

"I'll divorce him. Even though our daughter is still little." Aunt Prae pressed her lips together tightly before the light tears slowly fell from her eyes. I was shocked and didn't know what to do. I quickly grabbed a handkerchief and wiped away her tears. This woke the little girl in her arms.

 

"Oh, oh, did Mom wake you up? Mom apologises."

 

A little girl that age would usually be irritable and angry, but she remained silent and looked at her mother with innocent eyes.

 

"What happened?"

 

"I know he's having another woman." The other person's response made my chest tighten. Aunt Prae's sad face and eyes hurt even more. Dad, why?

 

"Even though..." she cried even harder. I took her hand to calm her. Her hand gently squeezed mine, as if she wanted someone to comfort her. I don't know why, I felt like crying too.

 

"Even though our daughter has started to learn to walk on her own."

 

After a while, Aunt Prae began to feel better. I only noticed that her face looked tired and pale, which worried me.

 

"I'm sorry, Aunt. I made you cry."

 

"Okay," she replied immediately. I understood that my aunt had just discovered her father was having an affair, especially since their child was still young. It would be a difficult time for a woman.

 

"I know he has another woman. After investigating, I also know he has another son. It's you. I hired someone to look into everything, so I know him. I left you alone, right? Since he sold the house in Phuket, you have no relatives."

 

"Tell me everything. I'm making the most important decision of my life."

 

"Are you sure, Aunt?"

 

"I don't want my son to have a bad father like that. I want to know the whole truth about him. If you say he's a good father, he'll be a good father to my son. Don't lie to me. If he's a bad father, tell me. Don't let my son have a bad father like that."

 

I looked at the little girl who knew nothing. Those round, innocent eyes stared back at me. Finally, I decided to tell her the whole truth. I can't lie to her.

 

I couldn't hurt that little girl. I couldn't allow an innocent child to suffer like that. I decided to tell her the whole story, the whole story, as far as I could remember. It included everything I'd experienced since I was a child, my father's punishments, the stories woven into my dreams, my mother's story, the revelation that I wasn't her biological daughter, and even the story of the Phi Fah family my father had ordered me to lie about. Aunt Prae remained silent. She raised her hand and slowly massaged her temples. Her face was growing paler.

 

"So, have you made your decision?"

 

"I'll divorce him, Fai," she called her daughter's name softly and leaned over to kiss her cheek. "From now on, it'll be just the two of us. Don't worry. I'll take care of you. Don't be afraid of losing your father."

 

"But she's still little. She needs a father, right?"

 

"I grew up in a family with a terrible father. When he arrived, many things went wrong. So, secretly, I thought things could have been better if it had just been the two of us. That's what made me think this way."

 

"It's better to have no father than a bad father."

 

Even though her words made the person in front of me seem strong, her tears and pained expression showed that her heart was breaking. How many more people must my father destroy?

 

"But all that's in the past. Dad can still do better," I said slowly. Aunt Prae smiled and shook her head slightly, wiping away her tears.

 

"Anyway, he lied, and another thing I just can't accept is that he has another woman."

 

That's right, having another woman is hard to forgive.

 

"How can I trust that man again? The truth is, he's never loved anyone but himself. So what about Fai? Will he love Fai? Will he be able to take care of Fai? Or will he abandon our family one day? You're his son, too. How could he do this to his own son? Will he do the same to Fai one day? How can I trust him? Because he's the pillar of this unstable family? That man can't be a father to anyone."

 

I talked to Aunt Prae for a while, and she had already decided to divorce Dad. Aunt Prae had already made up her mind before we met, but she wanted to hear the truth from me. Suddenly, I thought he'd be very angry with me when Dad found out Aunt Prae and I had met. But in reality, the person who deserves to be blamed the most is himself.

 

From the day Aunt Prae decided to divorce, her life with her son changed completely. But she chose what she thought was best for her son. Her smile was mixed with sadness, but also full of determination. It wasn't easy for a woman, but love always makes people stronger. We never know how strong we are until that strength is all we need. And the image of a mother hugging her child warms my heart.

 

"Do you want to hug her?"

 

"I can?"

 

"Can you think of Fai as a little sister?" Aunt Prae asked with a kind smile. "You may not like me because I'm your father's new wife, but I have a feeling we're in the same boat right now. We've encountered the same villain. If I'd known he'd already taken you, I would have wanted you to stay with us."

 

"Do you want me to stay with you?"

 

"Hmm. How could you leave your little sister alone like that?"

 

I couldn't help but smile at their genuine kindness.

 

"So, can I hug her?" I asked before carrying Fai. I love children so much that I couldn't help but hug her so tightly that I fell in love with what was before me. My little sister. Her name is Fai too. Torfan, Typhoon, and Fai. We are brothers and sisters. Torfan will always love me, even though he knows we have different mothers. I will love Fai as much as Torfan loves me. My little sister, Fai.

 

"Ouch. Ouch." Unable to speak, she could only make sounds in her throat. She hadn't cried since we'd been together.

 

"She's a good girl, Aunt."

 

"What do you want? And you, Phoon?"

 

"Oh, Fai? She's so cute."

 

"Fai seems to like Phoon," Aunt Prae said with a soft laugh. I couldn't help but smile broadly. "She usually cries when someone else carries her." Phi Phoon loves Fai too!

 

I played with my sister for a long time, until it was time to say goodbye. Even though it was raining, Aunt Prae had to rush back. We had exchanged LINE contacts earlier. I went out to walk her to the bar. When I saw the car that had come to pick her up parked far away, I got out and walked her there.

 

"There's no need to walk us to the car."

 

"How can this be? You could both get sick," I said as I took off my jacket and put it on Aunt Prae. She hugged it tightly before heading to the car.

 

"Then let's go first. Thank you for coming to see me. Thank you for telling me the truth. See you later."

 

"Okay, see you later." I smiled. As I was about to leave, Aunt Prae said something as if she'd just remembered something.

 

"Oh, yeah. You said Phi Rit always tells you to do what he tells you, right?" I nodded in response. "I think your sister probably wants you to believe in yourself more. You can choose your own path now. Because the person you'll be with for the rest of your life is you, not him."

 

Aunt Prae's words echoed in my head for almost ten minutes before we parted. I ran back to my tent because it was still raining and I wanted to see the empty coffee cup, proof that someone had sat there. Choose your path.

 

The word itself has nothing to do with my father. I picked up my phone and looked up information on college majors, including photography, and on new apps. The major I was pursuing now wasn't for me. It had been difficult to survive with that major before. I didn't want to become a veterinarian or a doctor, so I didn't study well during my year of veterinary school. But if I had dropped out, I would have had to distance myself from my friends.

 

No. I'm sure everyone would tell me to follow my dreams. I was lost in thought for almost half an hour, sitting and watching the rain pour down outside, amidst the chaos of the cafeteria. I never doubted what I liked. I knew from the start what I wanted, but I chose to pretend, even though it was clear. Now that I think about it, I was exceptionally cruel to my dreams.

 

Today is a holiday, and it's raining. It was around ten in the morning. My friends hadn't woken up yet. It was too early to wake up on a rainy holiday like this. I wanted to tell them about Aunt Prae. I wrote in the group chat: "I have good news for you." Once the message was sent, only one person read it first.

 

Phoon: Who read it? Why did you wake up so early?

SS: Me. I haven't slept yet.

SS: It's almost ten in the morning.

Phoon: Just go to sleep.

SS: What good news do you have, cat?

Phoon: I'll tell you everything later.

Phoon: Go to sleep first.

SS: No. I want to know first.

 

Then Daotok called me. I looked surprised before answering. The voice on the other end sounded tired, but we were used to it. North said Daotok was like Phi Jo, a hard worker, even if he sometimes took his time. But with his work habits, I often saw Daotok looking tired. Especially lately, he must not have had a break. Why did he have to push himself? He was so small. He fell just walking.

 

"Go to sleep first."

"So, can we talk?"

 

[We can talk. I'm taking a break. My eyes are so tired.]

"Oh. Don't drink any more coffee."

 

[Oh, meow.]

"What's wrong?"

 

[No one has ever stopped me from drinking coffee. It makes me happy.]

"Okay, but don't drink too much."

 

[My cat is very gentle.]

"What kind of kindness are you talking about?"

 

[It's not normal. Miao is kind. You know that.]

 

"Really?" I raised my eyebrows in disbelief. No one had ever told me that. After chatting, Dao returned to tell me the good news. I told him everything in a cheerful and happy voice. See? My cat is very gentle.

 

"Why?"

[Imagine how many people love their stepchildren and stepmothers. Ordinary people hate it when their parents have other families.]

 

"Ah. That's true. But I don't see it that way." Thank you, such a kind cat.

 

"Delicate?" I said, embarrassed. Daotok was a very gentle person. To me, all his words sounded sweet. Dao once said his family had taught him to speak like that; they would hit him on the hand if he spoke rudely. North was the first person to make Dao speak rudely. But then Dao liked to tease North by speaking more politely because, when he did so, North seemed surprised, as if rudeness were a lifelong habit.

 

Daotok was anything but bad. Dao would never have chosen to join us without good people like Ter and North. When we were together, Dao only cared about us. He hardly spoke to anyone else. North once said that Dao was his opposite. Everyone agreed. How could he compare to Dao? But Dao liked North. He said he wasn't talkative, but when he first met North, he didn't speak much because North talked too much.

 

It's a good thing that Aunt Prae is a good and kind person, and that she has already distanced herself from that person.

 

"I know, I hope things get better," I said. "I'm thinking about quitting veterinary medicine."

 

[Are you going to study photography?]

 

"I think so. I've hesitated all my life, but I've made up my mind. It would be a shame if I couldn't be with my friends."

 

[No matter what you say, let's stay friends even if you go to study somewhere else.]

 

"Hmm." I smiled slightly, a warm feeling spreading through my chest.

 

[Cat. You've gotten stronger.]

"Why?"

 

When I first met you, I thought you were too dependent on Ter, Foam, and North, as if your friends were your smile. I know you need friends to be happy, but now you've chosen your own path and no longer put others before yourself like you used to.

 

"Yes. I finally chose my path. But I still want you all by my side."

 

[Cat. You already have people who love you. We love you too, Meow.]

 

"I love you too."

 

I don't know where the tears came from or why; maybe it was all the warm feelings I'd received since talking to Aunt Prae, and I couldn't help but cry. But these weren't tears of pain like before. It was the first time I'd truly wanted to thank myself.

 

Thank you for being strong, for choosing to keep fighting that day, and for not giving up, no matter what. Thank you, Phoon.

 

[I created a portfolio and showed off lots of great photos you've taken. You'll pass the exam and interview.]

 

"Exactly. I'm excited. I'm just thinking about showing my work."

 

[The December application period is approaching.]

 

"Is this a national application? Then I have to submit it."

 

[Yes, yes, choose it as your first choice. Of course, the rankings in previous years weren't this high.]

 

"Good. I should review my high school material first." Dao and I were chatting easily. We were talking about studying photography or the photography department at my university.

 

[Uhm, yeah. Are You Stunned?]

"Why?"

 

[Hm. What will you do now? And then, about your father.]

 

"I think everything will be okay," I said sincerely. "It's not because of my father's orders, but because I love myself more. I chose to do this because I love myself. And suddenly, if I told Phi Fah everything, it wouldn't be right, right?"

[That would be rather strange.]

 

"Yes, all of a sudden you come and say, 'Phi.' I'm the person in those letters. I did it because my father told me not to tell you the truth, and my father is so-and-so. It wouldn't be right."

 

"I've already chosen my path. I want to study photography, as Phi Fahhad suggested. It's best to go slowly for both of us. We're growing closer and closer. And like the person in the letter, if the truth ever comes out, I won't be afraid at all."

 

I understand. It's best to go slowly. Some things take time. Don't rush.

 

"Yes. I'll let our relationship grow this way slowly."

 

I looked at the Polaroid photo in my hand, a pink flower blooming in a vase with a message written in black ink beneath the photo that read:

 

 "The flower I planted has bloomed beautifully."

 

I couldn't help but smile as I read the caption. It was the first time I'd taken a photo of something other than the snacks I'd bought him. As I said, I'd already asked him about himself, but he hadn't responded. But at least now I knew he planted flowers and wanted to plant a tree. Since the flower was difficult to grow, he'd made it grow beautifully. But why had he sent me this photo? I thought he'd never send any.

 

This was something close to his heart. There was no need to send it. Did he perhaps want me to get a little closer to him? One thing I noticed was that he was a good photographer. In the past, he only took photos of desserts and didn't need many angles. But looking at this photo of flowers, he was a good photographer. You could be a photographer. Polaroid cameras are commonly used. But anyone who can take beautiful Polaroid photos like this must be quite skilled, which means they must also be more skilled with other cameras.

 

Also, Polaroids can't control the lighting and colours. In the past, I only photographed desserts. Maybe I'd take them indoors. But when it comes to flowers, you have to take them outside, with very bright light. You have to photograph them in direct sunlight, on the balcony. It must be more difficult. It's more like taking photos outdoors. Did he plant them himself? But why not on the balcony?

 

He sent a letter mentioning his dorm. He said it's been warm in the dorm lately, so he's been there more often, but he hasn't planted any trees on the balcony. Could it be on the roof? If so, anyone who loves planting trees has a roof full of them. But the roof is usually a place to store things, so why did the dorm owner allow him to?

 

I stared at the photo in my hand while my mind raced with random thoughts. I wasn't trying to find it, I was just analysing the information I was receiving. The light and shadows made the photo look as if it were taken early in the morning or at night. No, it should have been morning. Seeing the flowers bloom so beautifully, he probably had a habit of waking up early. He wakes early to tend to his plants before getting ready for school.

 

I moved the flower pots and watered the plants in a good mood. Today I woke up early again. Since this morning, I've been going upstairs to tend to my plants. Since my balcony wasn't big enough to plant trees in the morning, I asked my aunt to lend me her roof, since I still had some space. She was very kind and allowed me to do so.

 

I looked at the vases and flowers lined up before me like a little garden just for Typhoon. Since that day I met Aunt Prae and spoke with Daotok, I've decided not to withhold any information about myself in case Phi Fah wants to know. As I said, Phi Fah asked me a few questions, but I didn't answer. But now, if the truth comes out one day, I'll accept it myself. But I won't rush to tell the truth. It wouldn't be right for Dad. After all, I still love and respect him. I'll let everything take its course.

 

I've decided to sign up for the transfer exam to study photography. From now on, I'll have to prepare by reviewing my high school material. But my department also has final exams, so I might skip them to prepare for the transfer exam. Studying for two things at once would ruin everything. The transfer exam is only a few months away.

 

It reminds me of what Phi Fah said about studying something I enjoy more. And what Phi Fah said about wanting me to believe in myself still resonates with me. Phi Fah is someone else. Who pushes me to dare to do something for what I love?

 

I spoke to Aunt Prae. She said she still has to work. Now that she's a single mother, she's a little confused. Aunt Prae noticed that she didn't have any status before. She was just a normal office worker with no status whatsoever. I started to think I should do something for my sister. At the very least, I'd like her to go to a good school, make good friends, and live in a nice environment. But maybe Aunt Prae can't afford the expenses alone.

 

I have to work. I should consider taking a job as a photographer. Or should I play the lottery with North? No, Phoon, no, don't let North control you.

 

Since I've been with North, I've been feeling more and more ridiculous every day. Oh my God. I took out my Polaroid and thought about what photos I should take today to send to Phi Fah. I should at least take photos and send them to Phi Fah every day. I used to only take pictures of desserts, but now I take pictures often. I don't know if Phi Fah will like them. He's never mentioned my photos.

 

Suddenly, a bird flew onto the roof. I slowly bent down to photograph it. At one point, the bird flew away because Polaroids don't capture images as well as digital cameras, so the photo was a bit blurry. But at least I managed to snap the picture before the bird flapped its wings. Suddenly, the bird flew down. It was in a hurry. Maybe it hadn't had breakfast yet. If so, you won't beat me because I've already had breakfast.

 

I don't know if you like the photos I took. If not, let me know. Hehehe. I just made a big decision in my life. I can't tell you what, but thinking of you makes me feel braver. So I want to say thank you. Thank you :)

 

I couldn't help but smile when I thought about the letter I just sent. Phi Fah, you probably can't imagine what it's about. As I said, many important things in my life make me more courageous. That's why I want to thank him.

 

"Phoon, lo sai?"

 

"Know what?"

 

"The chocolate Phi Fah sent costs 17,000 baht."

 

"Huh?! Really?!" I looked stunned, almost in disbelief at what Ter had just said. "17,000?"

 

"Hmm. Exactly," Ter said, showing me his phone screen. It was the same photo of the box of chocolates Phi Fah had given me, with $550 written underneath. Where should I look to buy it again?

 

"I thought you knew," North said. "He gave you that chocolate a long time ago. I was wondering why you weren't at all surprised."

 

"How do I know?"

 

Seventeen thousand! Why did he have to buy me something so expensive? I wondered why it was so delicious.

 

“Did you know there’s a Google in our world?” Ter asked, glaring at me.

 

"Haven't you thought about finding out?"

 

"How does a cat know about Google, Ter?" North asked. "He still writes letters every day, and then there's Line, you know?"

 

I showed a bored expression as I looked at North, who was annoying me.

 

"The Line app, Phoon, can send messages quickly. You don't have to wait until morning or evening to talk. You can send photos; you don't need a Polaroid. You can make phone calls. You can listen to voices. You can make video calls, you know. This phone has a camera, you know? You open the camera, and you talk," North said, opening the Line app for me.

 

"I know!" I said, lowering my tone. This made North laugh, very pleased. "You sound like you've never used LINE before."

 

"Hey, I thought you didn't know. Oh, I can see you sending letters. Why don't you try sending a pigeon? You can talk more often. Let the pigeon deliver it. You can move to the window and wait for the pigeon's letter."

 

“Damn North,” I shook him, unable to hold back any longer.

 

"Why is this idiot so annoying?"

 

"Why so cruel? You know there are laws in this country, right?" North asked with an annoyed expression. "Do you see me as a target for your emotional attacks? I have two little brothers to take care of," North said flatly, shaking him.

 

"Speaking of brothers, you and Daotok, look at this."

 

"What do you mean, 'you and Daotok'?"

"Guys," I pointed to Ter and North. "And this is Dao," I then pointed to Dao. North immediately looked at me and pointed.

 

“You don’t take sides,” North said.

 

"Why don't you include Phi Phung Dai in our group?"

 

"Because they are part of another group."

 

"Why? Why?" North stood up and began ruffling the shocked Daotok's hair. "I'm going to disturb your Dao Tok!"

 

"He's like a problem child; if he gets scolded, he'll go and bother the other kids," I said, chuckling. Daotok flinched, but let North continue messing up his hair. When North stopped, Daotok smoothed his hair out so it wouldn't get tangled.

 

"Look, this is my little sister," I said, showing Fai's picture. I'd told everyone before, but I'd never shown them her picture. Isn't she adorable?"

 

"Okay, but my granddaughter is prettier," North said, showing Nong Non's photo. The guy was as arrogant as I was. "Pure and innocent, children are like blank canvases."

 

"What's your sister's name?" asked Ter.

 

"Ah, pure cotton," North said. "One hundred per cent cotton."

 

I laughed at North's words. Yes, 100% cotton.

 

"By the way, why is her name Fai? Her name rhymes with your sister's name.

 

"Her mother's name is Pha Prae, so her daughter's name is Pha Pha," I replied. "When I think about having a little sister, I worry. What if someone comes and makes fun of her?"

 

“Calm down, your little sister can’t even walk yet,” North told me irritably.

 

"You have time to think about it, even though someone may have been teasing her since kindergarten. I won't let them. Oh, if someone betrays Fai, what will I do? Fai, this big brother, your big brother, will protect you!"

 

"Oh, my friend has become Fai's slave."

I rushed to the cafeteria when I heard it would be quiet at that hour. Phi Gip smiled at me as usual and handed me a large white paper bag. "Why is it so big?" I asked, thanked him, took the bag, and returned to the dorm to open it. Inside was a neatly wrapped white sweater. I didn't know the brand, but it looked expensive.

 

"Phi Fah bought me a sweater."

 

I put the sweater on the bed and rummaged through my bag. I found more snacks in the other bag and two sheets of paper. The first one read:

"I don't know what makes you so happy, but congratulations. As for the sweater, consider it a gift."

 

I smiled even wider when I read the message. I told Phi Fah yesterday, and he must have received it this morning. Does that mean Phi Fah just bought me this sweater?

 

And another newspaper said, "About the photos, don't worry. I love every photo you take because it's a gift to me every morning. :)"