South; Beside the Sky. 

Chapter 1. Typhoon

 

The benefit of the heat is the clear sky, which encourages me to take a walk even when the sun is blinding. Light like this makes for beautiful photos. Plus, there's nothing to do in the room. I organise my things, put them in my backpack, then grab my favourite camera and sling it around my neck. I prepare to explore and capture the beauty of Chiang Mai through my lens. They arrived just a few days ago, and the semester has been underway for almost two months.

 

Typhoon will be a first-year veterinary student, on a campus far from home, and I don't know. I came alone, without knowing anything. But that's okay, because I'm used to being independent, just like at home. At least I'm getting closer to my goals now.

 

During the exam, I chose medical school as my first choice and veterinary medicine as my second. At first, I didn't think I'd make it, but when I was accepted into veterinary medicine, I was faced with a choice: continue my studies or go back home. In the end, I decided to continue for the same reason: my determination to succeed. I don't want to stay home. Being here should be better, and not just for me.

 

I moved into the dormitory my father had found, and he took care of everything.

He didn't complain or even ask a word when I told him I wanted to study here. Of course, the further away the typhoon was, the better. Dad told his secretary to send me money every month. I talk to his secretary more often than I do with my father. He's busy with work, but that doesn't mean he doesn't have free time. He had some, but he chose not to spend it with me.

 

After divorcing my mother, her life has been good. Her one-year-old daughter is adorable. If we ever get to know each other better, I'll be a good brother to her. I'll take care of her like Fan takes care of me. But that opportunity may never come.

Living alone far from home isn't as bad as I thought. The dorm is comfortable. Dad has supported me throughout my life. My camera and equipment were paid for with money he sent me, without asking for anything in return. He doesn't care how I use that money, as long as it's not excessive and I don't bother him too often, that's enough for him.

 

Typhon is more than just a name; he's a hidden character in my father's life, a part of my story. It's a given that a woman shouldn't know that her new husband once had a son named Typhon. But I've come to accept it. I no longer feel the need to assert my place in this narrative. I'm just a Typhon, a hurricane, a raging wind that destroys everything, but no one can see it.

 

As I watched people pass by on campus, I couldn't resist picking up my camera. I capture everything because I love photography. It's not just a hobby, it's part of me.

 

Thorfan.

It's pretty hot today, but Fan must love it.

The sky is clear today. Very bright. I have another photo for Instagram.

I like to photograph the sky.

The reason is that for me, he is the only heaven.

My love for the sky and my emotional connection to it have always been a constant in my life, and I know they will continue to be. They are a timeless bond that transcends all else.

 

Phi-Fah and Torfan.

 

I came here to meet him, but it wasn't easy. I still don't know how I'll find him. After the meeting, what should I do? Four years have passed, and many things must have changed. Four years without any communication. Why haven't I ever contacted him? I'm lost again. I like to get lost in the middle of the road. I've been like this since I was a child, and it's hard to remember the direction. I often get lost, sometimes even confusing left and right. I tried to follow my instincts once, but I got even more lost, and it was harder to find my way back.

 

This confusion dates back to when I was a child. My teacher taught me that most people use their right hand, then she told us to raise our right hands together. But I'm left-handed, so I've been confused ever since. I remember leaving the university gate, but I don't remember which gate. I kept walking until I left the campus.

 

I've only been here a few days, so I haven't had time to notice the sky as the sun sets. Today might be different from usual. I was shocked when I reached the intersection and the light turned red. You can't cross yet, right? I'll have to wait for these cars to pass first. Oh, it's better not to cross. I'm afraid of heavy traffic. The trauma of the worst experience of my life has always made me avoid crossing the street or driving on crowded streets. I decided to walk back a bit, then take the Songthaew.

 

“Uncle, take me to the back of campus,” I said to the Songthaew driver, who stopped when I waved.

 

"You know, the back of campus isn't here; the route is different. You have to cross and take another lane."

 

"Ah." I was silent for a moment, staring in the direction my uncle was pointing. I had to cross and wait for the car in the oncoming lane to return to the university.

 

"So, where are you going to look for this uncle?" I asked.

 

"I want to bring tourists to the pedestrian street."

 

"Oh. Walk Street? Okay, I'll come with you," I said, then headed straight for the Songthaew, deciding that walking along the pedestrian street would be a good idea. Besides, there was nothing to do right now.

 

I was sitting on a songthaew travelling along a fairly busy road. Around six in the afternoon, vehicles are always crowded everywhere. The atmosphere of this city is different from what I'm used to, as if it opens up a whole new world for someone like me who rarely travels. I was surprised to see the Faculty of Pharmacy board here.

 

My heart suddenly skipped a beat as the car passed the sign for the Faculty of Medicine. What does that mean? This faculty is separate from the university and includes other health-related faculties, such as Dentistry and Veterinary Medicine. It seems they have their own area. I won't meet him yet. It's still a party, there's still plenty of time to prepare, for words and everything else. Most importantly, I haven't decided yet whether to tell Phi Fah everything.

 

I got off the Songthaew when everyone else did. It was almost seven in the evening. It was the first time I'd been on the street, somewhere else. I walked slowly, following the flow of people, split in two directions: coming and going. The items for sale here are unique, like elephant-shaped keychains and items typical of the northern region.

 

“How much is it?” I asked, pointing to one of the key rings.

 

“One hundred and fifty baht,” the salesman replied.

Wow, that's expensive too.

 

"This is handmade, that's why the price is a little high," the seller's aunt said with a smile. I nodded and bought it right away. Handmade products are natural, and if the price is high, it's worth it.

 

I continued walking with enthusiasm, discovering things I rarely saw. I don't travel often, especially for long distances. Also, this is my first time travelling alone, so getting lost is more of a problem than I thought. Look, I wasn't expecting an intersection on this pedestrian street after turning off.

Okay, where did I turn, huh? If I keep walking, will I find the way? I was confused for a long time, but I couldn't stay there too long and block the others, so I continued walking, following the path I was on. Wow, how's it going, Phoon? Planning to get here and then back home might not be as easy as I thought. With a road this complicated, I might get lost tomorrow morning.

 

I stopped when I heard the music. I followed the sound and found a large field. A performance was taking place. Several musicians were playing what I assumed were traditional instruments, while about six women in traditional Lanna dress were dancing to the beat. Wow! It was incredible.

 

Having never seen anything like it before, I was very excited. I quickly took out my camera and barely had time to snap a picture. They are fantastic, and the lights and stage decorations are beautiful too. In addition to photographing the show, I also captured the stage decorations, the musicians, and the audience. I lowered my camera and looked directly at them with my own eyes.

 

I moved to a less crowded spot so I could take pictures more freely. Eventually, I captured someone's figure with my camera lens, and the image I saw made me pause. I froze as my brain began to process what I was seeing. My heart began pounding, and my hands tensed for no apparent reason.

 

Phi Fah. This is Phi Fah. He looks different from how I remembered, but not too different from my shadow. I had suspected Phi Fah must be very handsome, but what surprised me was that he was much more attractive than I imagined. Phi Fah, your heart is beating too fast, isn't it? Phi Fah isn't alone. But because so many people, including some, were blocking my view, I couldn't see who was with him.

 

After speaking, they began to leave the arena. My legs are moving faster than my brain, which is digesting the situation. I just want to see Phi a little longer. I promise I won't say goodbye because I'm not ready, but sneaking after him like this is a wise decision.

 

Phi Fah is very tall; he must be over 180 cm tall. I raised my camera again to photograph the people I was following. Thanks to this person, I began to learn how to take photos, and this action finally showed me who Phi Fah was with. A woman.

I can only see the grimace on her face as she talks to Phi Fah, but even so, I know she's gorgeous. Her hair is waist-length. Her girlfriend? Phoon. Why didn't I ever think Phi Fah might already have a girlfriend? Sure, who wouldn't want to be with someone like Phi Fah?

 

“Akh!” I was shocked when someone behind me punched me in the body.

 

"I'm sorry," the person apologised immediately. I turned my head and saw him looking at me with concern. "You're not hurt, are you?"

 

"No. It's okay," I replied quickly. It looks like the person behind me hit me pretty hard.

 

"Phone?"

 

I turned my head towards the voice calling me.

 

"Eh."

 

The person who called me seemed very surprised and stared at me. Phi Fah seemed surprised to see me there, then quickly approached. The woman with him looked a little confused, but she approached.

 

"Phoon, do you still remember Phi Fah?"

 

"Y-yes."

 

"Are you taking a walk?"

 

"YES."

 

"Are you alone?"

 

"Well, yes."

 

"It's strange."

 

"Excuse me?"

 

"Phoon, aren't you a kid who likes to get lost like you used to be?" Phi Fah asked, smiling and joking. Phi Fah is still the same as before. I smiled slightly, looking at the person in front of me.

 

"Eh." I turned my head and saw the person standing next to Phi Fah.

 

"Oh. This is my neighbour, Nong; his name is Typhon."

 

Ah. Yes, Typhoon Nong next door.

 

"Oh. Hi, are you a first-year student?" She nodded at Phi Fah's words and smiled kindly at me.

 

"No need to be formal, you're Typhoon, right? My name is Mona, and I'm also a first-year."

 

"OH."

 

"What faculty are you in?" asked Mona.

 

"Veterinary medicine."

 

"Oh, I studied medicine too."

 

"Do you want to go home now?" asked Phi Fah.

 

"Yes, my brother is already waiting."

 

"How's it going?" Phi Fah seemed to think for a moment.

 

"Typhoon, wait here first, okay? Phi wants to invite you to dinner. Have you eaten yet?"

I shook my head.

 

"Not yet. Okay, just wait for Phi first. Phi will pick up Mona first and come back for you later." I nodded.

 

"Hi, see you." Mona waved at me, and I returned with a slight smile, then watched them leave. He said I should wait here. Since Mona is a woman, walking home alone must be dangerous. I can stay here alone.

 

I stopped between the rows of stalls; if I'd stood still in the middle of the street, I'd have blocked people's path. My hands began to sweat; I don't know why. My pounding heart seemed to be suffocating me even more. Why am I here? I wonder if Phi Fah will return.

 

I looked up at the night sky. There were no stars, only darkness, yet it was still beautiful. I'm secretly happy that Phi Fah is still the same as before, that he maintains his friendly attitude towards me. No one ever changes because Phi Fah was raised that way. His uncle and aunt are perfect, too. Does anyone know that Phi Fah was raised well in an ideal family? Perfect in every way.

 

"Excuse me, could you give me the floor?"

 

I flinched. "Oh, sorry." I hastily apologised when I realised I was blocking people from shopping. I immediately moved on, but wherever I went, it bothered everyone else. Eventually, I was forced to return to the street and follow the flow of people, weaving here and there, until I finally emerged somewhere. Ouch. Phi Fah told me I had to wait there. Where am I now?

 

It was a rainy day, as usual during the rainy season. Thunderstorms often hit the city where I live. Typhoon, a stubborn child, got lost again. Oh no. I was almost home when I got lost, but I heard the kitten's voice and followed the sound. A kitten, wet from the rain. Why am I always dependent on Phi Fah?

 

"Sorry, Phi Fah. I'm bothering you again."

 

"Everything is fine."

 

"What did Phi ever tell you?"

 

"If you get lost, just stand still and wait. Phi Fah will look for you," I said, repeating what Phi Fah had once said. "Because if I try to find my way, I'll just end up getting lost." So we agreed that Phi Fah would see me and that I should be good and wait.

 

"That's right, Typhoon doesn't want to get lost, right?"

 

"NO."

 

"If the typhoon doesn't help us, this kitten might be in trouble."

 

"Yes, he was shaking a lot."

"Let me see Phi." Phi Fah took the kitten from my hands, removed his jacket and swaddled him.

 

"Today, let this kitten be the first to wear Phi's jacket."

 

I nodded. Phi Fah usually wears a jacket when he comes looking for me. He said the jacket was brought especially for me.

 

"Hi Fah."

 

"YES?"

 

"Can I take care of him?"

 

"Eh. Phi thought: why don't we find someone else to take care of him?"

 

"I want to take care of him."

 

"He must be lonely like me. If we're together, he won't be lonely."

 

"The typhoon won't be felt alone, everyone's here, right?"

 

"But no one has time."

 

"Okay, let's try talking to your mother."

 

"Oh, thank you."

 

Phi Fah. Always good.

 

"I cannot!"

 

"Mae, but I want to take care of him. Please, I promise I'll take care of him."

 

"If Mae says no, it means no."

 

"And."

 

"Enough, if you keep arguing, stop talking. Go, Mae wants to work."

 

"All right."

 

"Why doesn't Mae allow it?"

 

Fan was standing waiting for me on the lower level of the house. He turned to me as I was coming down the stairs.

 

"Yes, Mae is furious."

 

"Maybe he's not in a good mood because of a problem at work," Fan said, before turning to the kitten in the pile of used laundry. Phi Fah was also cleaning it.

 

"OH."

 

No, my mother is always in a bad mood when I talk to her.

 

"This kitten is so cute. Do you have a name yet?"

 

"Not yet."

 

"What a shame," said Fan as he sat and looked at the kitten.

 

"I haven't thought of his name yet." Suddenly, Phi Fah looked up in a bit of surprise,

 

"How about you think of a name now? I'm not very good at giving names."

 

"Well, Phoon, at least you gave him a name."

 

"But why do we have to give him a name if he doesn't want to live with us?" I said with a sad expression.

 

"I'll take care of him later."

 

"Really?" Fan asked incredulously,

 

"Will you take care of him?" I asked.

 

"It's late, right? You can come play with him." She replied with a smile.

 

"Will your parents let you, Fah?"

 

"I think so. I'll try to ask permission," Phi Fa replied. "Then, you can give it a name now, because it's not going anywhere."

 

"Thank you, Phi Fah."

 

I named him "Thong" because of his golden-orange fur. After Phi Fah moved in, we had to take care of Thong ourselves. Although our parents complained a bit, they eventually let us, perhaps because they considered us responsible. But now Thong is gone. I can't take care of anything. He died a few months ago.

"Phoon."

 

I turned my head to follow the same call as I walked to see the goods for sale.

Again, he found me.

 

"Shit?"

 

"Why weren't you in that place?"

 

His words make me feel strange, maybe because I can no longer think of myself as the old Phoon, like when I was a child.

 

"Don't worry, let's eat."

 

"Ah. Yes."

 

I followed Phi Fah, but I didn't dare speak because I was too nervous. I'm not very good at speaking, so I don't know how to start a conversation.

 

"Do you want to eat something?"

 

"Everything is fine."

 

"So, just this restaurant, okay?"

 

"All right."

 

We entered the street restaurant Phi Fah had chosen. This ordinary restaurant isn't open except during the night market. After ordering, the atmosphere became awkward, at least for me.

 

"What makes you want to study here, far from home?" asked Phi Fah. It's natural for two people who haven't seen each other in a long time to wonder how the other person is doing.

 

"Are you studying veterinary medicine?"

 

"YES."

 

"Ah. I just want to try."

 

"Strange, Phi thought you didn't like this camp."

 

"No. I like it," I replied, looking down and picking up the glass of water. "And Phi? Are you studying medicine?"

 

"YES."

 

"Did you come alone? Are there other friends studying here?"

 

"No, I'm alone."

 

"Wow, fantastic."

 

"How are you, Phi Fah?"

 

"I'm fine. And you?"

 

"I'm fine," I sighed to calm my nerves. Why am I so nervous? "Before. Was she your girlfriend?"

 

"Oh, Mona? No, just a friend."

 

Just a friend.

"OH.

 

I'm also just friends with Phi Fah. Phi Fah is like that. He's kind to everyone and treats everyone well. I've seen people trapped by their kindness, thinking they were unique. But in the end, Phi Fah knew nothing about them. That kind of kindness hurts the most. That's why I said Phi Fah is like the sky, which seems close but can't be touched or possessed.

 

"How are your father and mother?"

 

"Oh, the pho is great," I said sincerely, thanking the waiter who'd served me. "But I don't know how Mae is."

 

"Why?"

 

"They're divorced. Mae just disappeared."

 

"Excuse me."

"Ah. Okay."

 

"A Fan?"

 

"Fan.

 

How long can a child resist family pressure? I've persevered, I've been patient and obedient, and I've done it all this time. Try again and again.

But it's never enough. It's never good enough.

 

"Phoon."

 

I saw a face full of worry, fear, and sadness. Fan was standing there crying, looking at me from the front gate. I, who had lost patience with everything, yelled at her involuntarily. I yelled at Fan. It's the first time that's happened to me.

 

"There's no need to call me anymore. It's alarming."

 

"Phoon, don't go, okay?"

 

"Start the motorcycle right now." I got on the bike and turned to tell my friend who was driving before the bike pulled away from the front door of the house. My patience was running out. It had become a feeling of denial. During my childhood, I endured everything, but in the end, I couldn't take it anymore. When I was in high school, I felt it was unfair. Why do I have to do this? Why do I have to go through all this? Why? Didn't I do my best? Why doesn't she ever notice? If you don't love me, why do you have to bring me into this world? Everyone always loves Fan. Well, if that's the case, there's no need for me.

 

After thinking about it, Typhoon has become a problem child. Who can blame him? Because I want recognition, praise, and attention, and when there's none of that at home, but there is among friends, where else can I find more happiness? Typhoon is a lost child. Lost far away.

 

"Phoon, aren't you sleeping at home anymore today?" one of my friends asked me while we were in his apartment, which we called our hangout.

 

"YES."

 

"Why? To fight?"

 

"Yes, very disturbing."

 

"Who was the person who was with you when I picked you up?"

 

"My brother."

 

"He's very cute. Do you have a boyfriend yet?"

 

"No, no. That's not allowed." I replied as I grabbed a glass of alcohol from the table, raised it, and let the taste sink down my throat.

 

"Hey, give me a stick."

 

"This." That friend handed me a cigarette. I bit into it and set it on fire. I didn't like it at first, but after trying it a couple of times, I started to get addicted to it, because my friends were using it. How can you not suck on it? At least, both alcohol and cigarettes make me forget a little about the pain.

 

"Well."

 

"How many days has it been since you slept at home, Phoon? You live in my apartment."

 

"Why? I can't sleep at home."

 

Another friend asked me, "Can't you go to school? You're so lazy." We're a group that could be described as disobedient. Sometimes we go to school, sometimes we don't, which I've never done before. But now skipping school has become a habit. Well, why try to learn if, even when you try hard, you don't get any praise? But you'll be scolded immediately if you get a slightly lower grade. It's better not to go to school at all.

“I’m not leaving,” I said.

 

"Phone, dropped, eh?"

 

"Shia, you're such an extremist. I don't want to go."

 

"Let him go."

 

I turned and saw Fan's phone ringing. He sighed impatiently before stepping out onto the balcony and answering.

 

"Phoon, where are you? Come home, okay?"

 

"I told you there was no need to call back."

 

"Can we have a nice chat?"

 

"I don't want to talk. There's nothing to talk about, right? Stop bothering me." Then I hung up and smoked another cigarette to calm myself.

 

"Phoon"

 

When did I start hating Fan? It's not her fault. I knew it in my heart, but at the time, I couldn't control myself because my parents only loved Fan, paid attention to her, and everything about Fan was fine. When comparisons arise, the feeling of being very low begins to creep in. And the only way to avoid feeling worthless is to build a wall to protect yourself.

 

Fan must have understood perfectly where all this was coming from. Even when I was indifferent, my parents didn't care. When the teacher called the parents, no one showed up except Fan, who asked to speak to the teacher. Fan is a student who studies well, behaves well, and is the favourite of all the teachers in the school. Therefore, the teacher tried to ignore my mistakes at Fan's request. Fan was the only one who called to tell me to go home, but that's no longer necessary. That house isn't my home.

 

I spent almost a month living in that chaos until I decided not to get involved anymore. Every time I went home to change, Fan begged me not to leave, but I wouldn't listen. I started screaming, uttering harsh words I shouldn't have said.

I don't know how hurt Fan will feel. And I was angry because I didn't care about anything back then.

"Meung, that person is paying attention to your wife," said a friend sitting with us in a drinking group. Tonight we were at a bar celebrating the birthday of one of our friends in the group.

 

"Where?"

 

"That person is wearing an orange shirt."

 

"Has he been paying attention for a long time?"

 

"As far as I know, it's been a long time."

 

"Should we intervene?"

 

"Look, it looks like he's from that school too."

 

"Hey, do we need to do something?"

 

Then my friends rebelled against addressing the problems of their enemies from other schools, which I didn't like because they were fighting. You might call me a coward, but I deeply detest violence.

 

"Phoon, do you want to come with us?"

 

"Go first."

 

"Are you scared?"

 

"You guys just go," I replied, dodging them. Some of the friends who hadn't come were their girlfriends. I sat with a few girls, watching as the friends started looking for trouble. Afterwards, they had a small argument, as usual, nothing serious. They fought a bit at most, but they didn't expect them to invite anyone else, so the restaurant became chaotic.

 

"Crazy!" a woman shouted when a bottle of liquor was thrown at her. Even the restaurant staff had to intervene to quell the commotion, and they were so shocked that the manager had to ask the other customers to leave first, just to be safe.

 

"Hey, you wanna run away, huh?"

 

"Oh?"

"Wait." I was shocked when suddenly my collar was pulled, and a violent blow hit my face, sending me reeling in the other direction. What is this?

 

"It's those friends, right? They taught you not to bother." Even though I didn't have time to bother. "Damn!" I gritted my teeth when I was hit again. It's heartbreaking. That's why I don't like arguing. Before the clerk arrived to stop people from making trouble for me, I took the opportunity to stay away. I quickly pulled out my phone to see who was calling, and it was Fan again. I hung up immediately. Fan called again. I had to answer.

 

"Phoon, you're at the bar, huh?"

"How do you know?"

 

"My friend said he saw you getting beaten. Is that true?"

 

"At all."

 

"Boar."

 

"No?"

 

"Yes, I'll pick you up at your house now. Are you trying to drive me crazy? No, listen, Phoon. Don't argue. You can't go anywhere. Wait there. I'll be there in ten minutes." Then Fan immediately hung up without listening to me. I tried calling back, but he didn't answer. Is she crazy? It's already nighttime.

 

It's dangerous, and Fan's tone of voice sounds very nervous. He'll be here soon.

It's getting more and more dangerous on a night like this. I was so anxious I couldn't calm down, but I didn't dare call back because I thought she might be driving. It was almost thirty minutes before things calmed down at the restaurant, but Fan still hadn't arrived. I'm still waiting in the same place.

 

I felt indescribable relief when I saw Fan's number calling, but when the voice on the other end wasn't the tone I knew, his words made my heart skip a beat.

 

"Excuse me, are you a relative of the deceased victim? This number is the last number on the phone."

 

"What?"

 

"It's your fault!" the high-pitched voice screamed as its owner pushed me against the wall. His little hand repeatedly slammed into my face until blood ran from the corner of my mouth.

 

"Sufficient!"

 

"Bad boy, son of the devil! You killed my daughter, my daughter died because of you!"

 

I stared at the woman in front of me, who looked angry and almost crazy.

There is.

 

"Sorry," I said softly, lowering my head, letting the tears flow despite the blood dripping into my mouth, but I felt no pain. What had happened to me hadn't hurt. Numbness had completely enveloped me.

 

"Excuse me."

 

Excuse me.

Fan. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

 

Fan's body was taken to the hospital for examination. According to reports, she was hit by a drunk driver, and the attacker didn't realise he was drunk. He was punished according to the law. Afterwards, the body was brought home, and the funeral was held in a simple manner. Apart from the residents, no one knows. My parents don't want people to talk about their daughter sneaking out in her car at night to pick up her boyfriend from the bar and being hit and killed. Even Phi Fah's family doesn't know, because they are exceptionally kind to her father. Dad didn't let his uncle know otherwise. He didn't dare meet them.

 

I sat in front of the coffin placed in the house, unwilling to go out to welcome the guests. And I don't want to be looked at that way. Of course, I hate the words people say.

 

"If he hadn't behaved like that, his older sister wouldn't have died."

 

"Right. Mom and Dad didn't want to take care of him; only Thorfan did. If that's the case, then what else do you want?"

 

"Nobody loves him, so only Thorfan is like this."

"Think about it. Who's smart enough to go to a bar on a night like that?" he said. "She left that night because she was worried; if only he hadn't left, the baby would have been fine."

 

"Thorfan is really weird. Why worry? If I were you, I wouldn't go looking for him."

 

"Hmm, that's why she got hit by a car. If you stay home, it won't be like that. Too bad, he said he was a smart boy. Thorfan is his parents' future."

 

In the middle of the night, unable to sleep since the day Thorfan left. I locked myself in Thorfan's room all night. The tears flowing didn't know when they would stop, and no matter how abundant they were, they didn't ease the sadness. Stop. I just understood what it means to run out of energy just to stay standing. That's Pho's voice. My whole body was tired; I didn't have the strength to move, but the tears kept flowing. Hearing Pho and Mae's voices, it sounded like they were arguing downstairs. Since I didn't want them to argue, I tried to stop myself from going over to them.

 

"I'm tired of men like you!"

 

"Why? What's wrong with a man like me?"

 

"You're an asshole. Even after marriage, you still manage to get other people pregnant. How is that possible?!"

 

"We discussed it. Why is it necessary to raise the issue again?"

 

"Why? Why can't I speak out? I'm afraid others will find out, right? Am I afraid the townspeople will talk about me? Why? You, Rit, who have a good name in society, are you ashamed if others know you're just a pervert?"

 

"Shut up! This isn't the right time to be discussing this!"

 

"Why? I have the right to speak out when that child caused the death of my child!"

 

"I survived raising him for over ten years, and that's okay. Every time I see him, he reminds me of who destroyed me."

 

"I didn't mean to do it. I didn't mean to get her pregnant."

 

"So? She's already pregnant. And ultimately, it was the baby that caused my son's death."

 

"Thorfan is my daughter, too!"

 

"Why would Thorfan die? Why didn't that little girl die?! Why does it have to be Thorfan? Huh?! Why Thorfan, my daughter? Huh. Thorfan, my daughter." Mae began to fall to the ground and cry, while Pho didn't know what to do. The same goes for me. As if this world was crumbling and falling apart. Why not me?

 

"Phoon."

 

"Uh, huh?"

 

"What are you thinking?"

 

"Um, no."

 

"Come on, eat first. It's already afternoon."

 

"Okay." I quickly put the rice in my mouth, raising my hand to wipe the tears that had gathered around my eyes. I can't cry here.

 

"Hmm. So what?"

 

"YES?"

 

"You still haven't answered what I asked you before."

 

"And Thorfan?"

 

"Folla."