PitBabe series2

I often realise that I'm drunk when I feel that everything is getting close to a dream. Sometimes I realise that it's true. But after a few minutes, I'm confused again about whether this is true. Or is this a dream? The dividing line between two boundaries is becoming increasingly indistinct, almost blurring. My body is hot, especially on the cheeks and ears. It's hot, like I'm attaching my cheeks to the car's hood after practising ten times, thinking I was sitting upright. But the next second, my face was almost upside down, kissing the bar. Then my head was spinning. I'm stiff-necked enough. But maybe because I've been away from drinking for a long time, the ability to resist alcohol has decreased dramatically.

 

Willy is not a bad listener. Although he sometimes teases and asks questions I don't want to answer, he is not the type who often ruins the atmosphere of the conversation. I have absorbed some unexpected ideas. He probably didn't realise what I reaped from his words because he spoke about his feelings and little worldly experiences.

 

I'm not sure what happened five seconds ago. I realised again that someone had grabbed my lips with the same organ. The first seconds were almost the same.
The taste that I'm familiar with. But for a moment, I realised that it was completely different. The rhythm of moving the mouth, the smell of alcohol of the other party, mixed with the scent of another brand of liquor in my mouth. Even the degree of facial inclination is different. I can hardly remember that kissing can be like this. Because over the past three years, my body and brain have only remembered the taste of a single person's kiss. As if engraved in my soul of awareness

 

The more time passes, the more I am convinced that this is not Charlie. It's new, not bad, but not good, and the badness doesn't mean kissing skills. But it's my identity that what I'm doing now is not good. It's a demon who intends to destroy my peace. No matter how drunk I am, I haven't forgotten the fact that Charlie and I broke up, and now I'm a single man who has just got his life back to the fullest. 

 

I have the right to choose and the right to move forward. Every choice is in my hands righteously. But the devil keeps whispering in my ear. The sound is soft, yet it deeply cuts to the heart. It says that I'm cheating. I'm an evil person who betrayed Charlie, allowing other men to praise and Touch, which should be his treasure. This mouth is not his treasure, at least not anymore.

 

I tried to tell myself that. But my voice was not loud enough to fight the sound—the devil in my head. My body should be hot because of the kiss. But now I feel hot because I'm walking into hell. I keep imagining that if Charlie walks in now, he will be angry. Will he rush in and pull Willy away? Punch the other person in the face. Then pull my arm and walk out of here. He probably won't open his mouth to me in the car. Because Charlie always avoids talking in the car. He drives faster (faster than the normal car speed on the road, not on the racetrack). 

 

When he arrives at that house, Charlie will open his eyes wide. Use a wooden hand to speak more because the anger in his chest is suppressed. The size of just using his mouth alone, Charlie must be very jealous. Angry until blood will fight fiercely, he will cry in the end.

 

What he feels more than the anger that I'm not being honest is the regret that I've destroyed his love. When I make a mistake, Charlie is always angry at first. Then, after we quarrel, He will sit alone in the corner. Thinking about it repeatedly, and the question, 'Because I use it?' It will pop up in his head. It's like a parent who blames themselves for raising their children badly. The child has grown up to be a social waste. In that case, I can see the origin and understand it. But with Charlie, it's not a little bit. My fault is not related to his actions. But he keeps thinking like that.

 

Am I making Charlie sad, am I? How much will Charlie cry if he knows that I kissed someone else?

 

"Uh..."

I pushed Willy away.

"Babe..."

 

I can't do it. Even if it's not wrong, my brain won't let me do that.

 

"Don't... It's not good," I said softly. If it were normal, I would be angry. But I don't have that much strength now. My body is difficult to control, but my heart is much heavier. I feel like I'm being torn into pieces from the inside with tremendous guilt—sins that don't exist but make me all broken.

 

"Why?" Willy asked.

 

"Don't do anything to me now." I looked down at the empty glass of liquor. Still don't dare to put it down on the bar because as soon as you put it down, the bartender will add alcohol within a fraction of a second. Now I'm not sure if I want to continue drinking. "Find something to give you a headache for nothing."

 

"It's just a kiss. I haven't thought about anything yet."

"You're still young, Willy."

"Child again, why say.."

"Just now, it wasn't just a kiss, I know."

 

Willy froze. He probably thought that I was so drunk that there would be no way to touch anything more than just the closed lips. But as I said, he was still too young to think of something so shallow. Even if my other perceptions don't work fully, the feelings transmitted through touch are the most accurate substance. As far as I've ever experienced, I've never met anyone who can lie about these things. His kiss just now was too deep to be just an accidental kiss. There are feelings. Expectations and fears are mixed in every molecule. People who don't think anything can't kiss like this for sure.

 

"You may be brave because you see that I'm single, but it's not that easy."

"I didn't tell you what to do." Willy still maintained his attitude. Acting like he wasn't serious about the kiss just now. But suddenly, he raised a glass of liquor and splashed it around in the glass. It made the lie look fragile. "Just kissing. I didn't tell you to cut your heart from Charlie."

 

"And if I said that you kissed just now, Phu only misses Charlie, what will you say?" Willy made eye contact with me. A small storm was forming in his eyes, but he was able to control it from expanding, at least for now.

 

"It doesn't matter." The young boy shrugged his shoulders as if he didn't. "I'm still sitting and raving about him. It's not strange to miss him."

 

"But it won't be just now."

"One day, I have to forget him."

 

"Will you wait?"

"You can wait."

"Don't wait"

 

I don't know how much Willy will believe my words. In his eyes, I'm still drunk. But I think it's called Sarang, and I'm afraid to. But I'm fully aware. I know what I'm saying, how I feel. This is the answer that doesn't mix with the intoxication of alcohol, but it's still clearer than usual. Alcohol makes me more honest than I am. Another part is that Charlie is not here. There is no reason to think a lot about my true feelings.

"Are you going back to see  him?" Willy asked, even though he still acted like he knew nothing.

 

"No"

"Or will you come back with me?"

 

"No way." It hurts my heart to say this word, but I'll have to repeat it often, in case I become more familiar with it one day. The pain I've experienced now may be relieved. "If you've made a decision, it won't change your mind, Charlie. That's like that."

 

"So what are you waiting for?"

"I didn't wait."

 

Deep down, I still want to wait. I won't wait for him to come back. But wait until I'm ready to move on. I'm not sure about Charlie's state of mind now. But for me, the fact that I have to live without him after this. It's not a readily accepted change like changing the name or moving to work. Charlie is an element. I put in a big piece every year after we decided to date. Today, I must spend time and effort gradually dismantling my days from my future. Even though I know it will ruin everything. But I don't have any options left.

 

"If you don't wait, start over," Willy continued. He doesn't really understand that for me, Charlie is not just one person I will forget and walk away from easily. He doesn't understand that people who have never received complete love before. When losing it, how much patience does it take to learn that you have to let go? "Nothing helps to move on as quickly as having a new person."

 

"And this new person... Are you?"

"I'm sitting and watching like this. If you don't want to plug in, it's too much bullshit."

I laughed. I didn't think that foreign children would dare to speak so frankly. Coming to the North often will help mould him into the same type of person as us. Or he would think that I'm so drunk. He probably can't do anything anymore.

 

"Do you know that Charlie and I started a fight that day because of you?"

"That's enough to guess," Willy smirked. "He looked at me with his eyes like that."

"Well, do you still dare to wait to plug in again?"

 

"Why... Well, Charlie already thinks like that. We do what he thinks. So it won't be considered a misunderstanding anymore?"

 

"You're crazy, too." I looked at him without words. This child kept flowing and saying that he saw me as an idol. But when he saw the opportunity, he rushed towards him as if he had always been staring. It's not surprising that Charlie didn't like it. These two shouldn't be friends, even if I had nothing to do with it. Charlie and Willy have many conflicting things. "Even if I want to have someone new, I won't want you."

 

"Hey, are you rushing to refuse?"

"Well, I don't want you to hope for anything."

 

"Couldn't you just hope?"

"If you're disappointed, you'll blame me again."

 

"I don't apologise," Willy muttered to himself. He wasn't sure he wouldn't be hysterical if he were disappointed. We just talked for a short time. I can still guess. I don't want him to expect such things from me.

 

"I can't move on from Charlie easily." Even though it looks pathetic, I don't want to lie to him. Willy has seen me in this sloppy condition. No matter how much he pushes, he should accept that I'm not at the stage of cutting the fibre from Charlie anytime soon. And I still don't want to do that either. "I don't know when I can do it, but it won't be soon. And even if I can do it, my new person won't be you anyway."

 

"P is so mean."
"You're mean. Did you realise that?"

 

"I thought it would be kinder than this."

"No, don't think about it yourself." I shook my head slowly. 

 

The conversation between Charlie and me popped up in my head. The tone was full of anger. Charlie's disappointed eyes were looking at me. It was like I was standing there again. But not in the same place. I returned to stand as a third person watching not far away. Look at myself as stupid with Charlie, and think about what I could change if I got a second chance. "I've never been kind to anyone. Never think about anyone but yourself."

 

Not sure at all. I can't change anything.

"But I don't think so."

 

"Yes, colour," I made eye contact with him. He said firmly because I didn't want Willy to have more hope. Even a fraction of a second, or just a few seconds, I don't want to. "Why do you think Charlie and I broke up? Because of you?"

 

"Isn't it like that?"

"We quarrelled because of you. But the breakup. You're just a tiny part. No, it may not be related at all. One day, we have to break up anyway. You just come to make it faster."

 

"It doesn't look much better."

"Charlie quit because he was disappointed in me."

 

I didn't think that I would have to talk about these shameful things to children like Willy. I know that his faith in me may be reduced because of this, as Charlie feels, but I'm tired of being a hypothetical role model for others. Both expect me to be beyond expectations, tough and fearless. Even though it's not true, I'm often below other people's expectations. I'm weak, fragile, and always afraid. The image that others see is not what I even express. 

 

They interpret it in the way you want to believe. Even if I cry, they still interpret those as the tears of the strong.

 

"Charlie is the kindest kid. He compromises with everything. You're so kind, yet you can't stand me. Do you think you can handle it?" This is not even a threat. I'm just cursing myself and praising my ex-boyfriend to him.

 

"So, won't you allow me to try it?"

"I don't want it."

 

"Wow. "P'Babe", Willy moaned. He looked more serious than I thought. "Think A little bit."

 

"I did think of it," I replied flatly. Staring at his eyes equally thoughtfully. "Don't mess with me." Don't think I gave you a chance. The fact that I let him beg like this is considered a chance. This is the kindest thing that I can provide as a heartbroken person.

 

"If I don't find someone who can do as much as my ex-boyfriend, I won't take anyone."

════[changbins_delulu_wife]════

 

It had been a few minutes since anyone said a word, and the house door was still open. I stood in the house, and Babe stood outside, just one arm's away. He wore a white T-shirt and grey shorts, usually pyjamas. People who care about the image, like PitBabe, can't dress like this outside, no matter what time of day. But today, he seemed to roll out of bed, wearing sandals, and drove his luxury car to his ex-boyfriend at night. If it's not urgent, maybe it's because he hears the voice in my head.

 

"I didn't ask where you moved to, Alan told me," Babe finally said. His voice was light and airy, and his eyes were fixed on the other side, not on my face.

 

"Yes"

"Tell me the truth."

 

"Yes," I didn't mean to bother. But because I kept answering yes, people who used to drool their eyes. Therefore, their eyes finally came back to meet. The face was irritated, probably because I understood I was pretending to disturb the nerves.

 

"Do you think I'm lying?"
"I don't think Babe is lying."

 

"So why do you have to answer but yes?"

 

"Well, I believe it," I replied flatly. While deliberately staring at his face, Babe didn't look shabby. He was a little thinner, but it didn't reach the level. His face was still radiant. His cheeks were red like the colour of his lips. He was not the one who let himself be shabby when his heart was broken. I think Babe looks more beautiful. Or is this even a single aura? "I know that Babe is not lying."

 

"It should be. You can catch lying anyway. At least you should use it to your advantage."

 

"Babe knows that I don't use those Chens with Babe."

"Some senses used are good."

 

"But this is unnecessary," I replied, "I told Alan myself to tell you I had moved."

I once told Babe that he looks like an orange cat in Push in Boots, especially when he is suspicious or surprised. His eyebrows wrinkle together. His eyes grow, and his mouth comes together until it is as small as a cat's mouth. It's cute. I have been thinking about it still. But if I say it now, it won't be very suitable.

 

"Why did you tell me?"

"In case there is an urgent matter."

 

"Are you still afraid of having something urgent after breaking up?"

"Well, in case there is a day when I want to come late at night again," I answered honestly. Since I knew I would be moving out of the lab, I wanted to let you know my new address. Even if we broke up, no one knows what will happen. If there is an emergency, I want you to know where to find me. Not only to make me feel comfortable, but also to give me peace of mind. "Like now... It's convenient, isn't it?"

 

"So I can come to you anytime, right?"
"Yes"

 

Babe is quiet. He wants to scold me a little bit. But he probably can't think of a reason not to be angry, so he can only make a cat face at me, then enter the house without waiting for the owner, like me, to invite me, which is easy.

 

"Haven't you organised your stuff yet?" Babe swept his eyes and looked around. Suddenly, he acted all serious. It's like visiting a new house.

 

"I just finished carrying my stuff this evening. I haven't had time to organise it yet."

 

"The house is beautiful." The guests who visited the night before walked around. It's good he didn't break into my bedroom from the living room to the kitchen. 

 

"The location is good. Phu Alan is good at choosing these things."

"How do you know that P'Alan found it for me?"

 

"I know everything."

 

Babe shows that not only does he know about me, but he's also looking at my possibilities. If we say it in principle, we still interfere in each other's affairs without breaking up. Even though the mouth says it's not related, I consider us the same in this matter. Therefore, no one dares to speak out.

"But isn't it a little big.... For single men?" Babe looked at me, pretending not to care. But it's quite clear he's looking at me with the word single man.

 

"I think it's the same as Babe's house." I glanced at my new house, answering the question of the name, as if I didn't recognise the implied meaning of the other party's question.

 

"I already like Ver. It's not strange that the house is big."

"I bought a big one first."

 

"Just in case?" Babe must not have realised that he accidentally tore his voice from me. His eyes were openly pungent. The attitude is like the one he had when he was jealous of me. "In case of bringing someone. Or what?"

 

"It's possible. Who knows what the future holds?"

"Good foresight"

 

The late-night guest was sarcastic and shook his head, pretending to be interested in my new house. But I knew that now in his heart, he must be slapping himself on the forehead, whether to wish me well. Or how should I get myself back on track, that distracted his heart undeservingly? I admit that seeing Babe's jealous attitude makes me feel good. Whether this is jealousy, I can't help but feel happy that at least Babe still has a flair for me. No matter how badly I behaved towards him.

 

"Babe, is there anything?"

 

Even though I'm glad to see him, I'm still conscious enough to realise this is wrong. We will do as if we can meet without a reason. Of course, he's reluctant. But who isn't reluctant? Who will get everything that they want? I am too. It's not good, I'm not better than anyone else. I also have what I want, but I don't have the right to touch it.

 

"It's already there," Babe replied in a flat voice. He walked back to the middle of the living room, stopped and stood three or four steps away from me, and stared at my face with serious eyes. It looks different from the Miaow version of Babe. "Why don't you come?"

 

"Just in case I miss you."

"Don't fantasise about it too much."

 

The response is hurtful. Like this, it looks like a real Pitbabe.

"I think you have seen the news and that picture, too," Babe said frankly.

 

"Yes, I have seen it."

"So you don't want to ask me anything?"

 

"So what does Babe want me to ask you?"

The nervous war happened unexpectedly. Babe seemed to have an answer to everything. His eyes were full of confidence. But at the same time, I saw the anger in his eyes. Probably because he thought it was unfair that I chose to believe everything I saw. I hadn't even considered asking him for the truth. Or he would be angry that I acted like I didn't care about him.

 

"Don't you want to know if what they say is true? Don't you want to know where that picture came from?" Babe asked in a stiff voice, "Or do you think I cheated on you, too?"

 

"I don't know, Babe."

"If you don't know, just ask."

 

"What will it do, asking?"

"You will know the truth." Suddenly, Babe's voice became cold, as if he were freezing my living room, locking me up, and punishing me with heartbreaking coldness.

 

"I don't believe in what I think of myself."

"I don't think about anything."

 

"Don't lie"

"I'm not lying."

 

"I said don't lie." Babe stepped closer to me. Staring at my face with slashing eyes until I felt hurt as if he was touching me violently.

 

"Babe", I lowered my eyes. Because of the way he looked at me, it made me feel like I'm about to get to the corner helplessly. "I don't know what Babe wants me to think."

 

"If you don't think about anything, just look at my face." I don't dare. What I dare to look at now is the box arranged on the wall, the tree next to it. Outside the window, an old lamp and your toes. Anything other than Babe "Look", Babe gave an order, a tough tone, holding many feelings I don't want to recognise ", Charlie".

"Babe, I..."

 

"Look at my face and say clearly that you don't feel anything when you see me kissing someone else." No matter how much I try to escape, I can't beat Babe. I awkwardly drag my eyes and stop at his face. He swallowed saliva down his throat with difficulty. At this time, no matter how much I want to lie, my body will not listen to my orders anymore. Only the person in front of me can give orders. Or even if I force myself to lie, Babe will catch it within a few seconds without needing a special sense as I do.

 

"If you dare to say to my face that you don't feel it, I won't know anything anymore. I will get out of here and won't return to see you again."

 

If that were to happen, this would be the perfect ending to our relationship. I won't have to face fear and discomfort. Babe died like this again, but said, 'I won't come back to see your face again'. Why is it so scary?

 

"I..." I felt short of breath. Inside the hollow body, not even the insides were left. And the more I looked at his face, the more I realised that running away was tiring. "... I don't like it."

 

"Don't like it?"

"I don't like... That picture," I said.

 

Babe still stares at me like that, but I can't guess what he's thinking.

"I'm angry that Babe kissed someone else. I don't know who is angrier. Babe or Willy, I know that I'm angry... Furious."

 

When I started talking, it was like accidentally opening a door that shouldn't have been opened. Now, even if you want to close it, it's too late.

 

"I believe that Babe didn't cheat on me. I'm sure that when we were still dating, Babe and Willy had nothing. And if we break up, whatever Babe will do with anyone, it's your right, but I can't accept seeing Babe kiss others. I swear I want Babe to be happy, but I just..."

 

"Just... Just what?"

 

"I just don't think Babe will be happy with others... It's this fast. "Babe is still. I don't know how he feels about what I just sprayed on him. However, I'm disgusted with myself. Even if those words came out of my mouth, I'm still unhappy. Babe would not feel much different from me if I had to guess.

 

"I'm sorry."

 

I didn't expect to hear Babe say, 'It's okay. ' Babe himself was not strong enough to say it. Because of that, he moved closer, raised his hands to hold my face, and kissed me closely instead of saying, "It's okay."

 

This is not correct at all. Babe shouldn't kiss me. I shouldn't wrap around his waist and kiss back. And kissing between people who have broken up should not suck; kiss deeply like this.

════[changbins_delulu_wife]════

 

I'd missed Charlie's kiss since the first day we broke up, but I didn't realise how great the nostalgia was until I kissed him.

 

Charlie is always sweet, whether it's words or actions, even if the kiss is exciting or how passionate our sex is, his softness will still be mixed in every touch and breath, his arms wrapped around my body, warm palms that caress the body, including soft lips that grind and suck. The feeling he sends through those touches is so overwhelming that I can't take it. But of course, I'm still pushing because it would be more challenging to cool.

 

I closed my eyes to receive Charlie's kiss, hugging the tall body I missed. My legs moved back, following the lead of the owner of the house, even though he didn't even know where he would take me. But that answer followed within a few moments. When I was caught lying on the big black bed, I bet that he had only laid the sheets a few hours ago.

 

"I miss you so much"

 

I didn't mean to say this to him. But because I'm hugging in bed like now, I'm so happy. That's why I no longer have restraint. Words that shouldn't be said. Words that can't be undone. I don't care what tomorrow or even an hour from now will be. I only know that now I want to be here with Charlie, lying in his arms, the warmth from the other party's body, sniffing his familiar fragrance. I only want to recognise the present. In the future, if the world collapses because I come back to hug my ex-boyfriend, let it be. I don't care.

 

"Did you accept it?" Charlie said with a laugh. He pressed the perfume on my head. This is the fourth or fifth time that he has done this. "Just now, I was still delirious."

 

"I just realised that I miss you now."

"And when you drove, didn't you miss it?"

 

"No," I replied, "I just think I'm going to curse."

"Scold me because I didn't ask about the picture?"

 

"Is it worth scolding?"

"I thought it would feel better if I didn't ask."

 

"Good with the ghost, Adi," I argued a little. Slamming the sound at him as if he were dissatisfied, his face was afraid that this warmth would be lost if I left.

"I've been stressed all day. I'm afraid you'll think I'm cheating on you."

 

"Really, at first glance, I was scared too."

"Are you afraid that I will cheat?"

 

"Uh, I'm so scared. What should I do if it's really like that?" Charlie said in a slurring voice while slowly rubbing my head with his big palm like a lullaby. "But just for a moment, I stop being afraid because I don't think that Babe can cheat on me."

 

"What makes you so confident?"

"I thought you would be happy that I thought like this."

 

"I'm glad," I said, "I just want to know why you're so confident in me."

 

"It's not complicated." Charlie hugged tighter. His breathing made me feel relaxed. Come to think of it, it's been a long time since we slept together. Suddenly, when we returned to sleep in the same bed, hugging each other as we had before, I felt like a sleepless person who had finally had time to rest. "I just thought that Babe loved me too much to be unfaithful."

 

I admit that I'm glad to hear that. Because Charlie said I love him very much, it means I could fulfil my lover's duty in the past. Of course, there are many disadvantages. And there are many things that I have to rely on Charlie for. But at least I can make him feel my love to the fullest. I consider it my success.

 

"It's good to know that."

"Do you still love me now?"

"Don't be delusional"

 

Charlie laughed as if he had ignored my slang words. He moved his body, then slowly hugged me. Honestly, I want to hold him. But I'm afraid that it looks too sticky. So I can only look at it with regret. Charlie himself should be aware of my eyes on him. That's why he turned to smile—gently stroked my head before saying. "Let me go and lock the door first. Thieves have been in the house since the first day. It's not fun."

 

"I didn't say anything."

 

I answered like that. Charlie was still smiling. Before leaving the bedroom, I was lying on his new bed. I was looking at the ceiling of the room. The light bulb embedded in the ceiling of Charlie's bedroom is round. The light is soft yellow. It's beautiful, but still, "Well, I can't fight the fire in my house. Charlie himself has to think about the view of the ceiling of the original bedroom. There is no replacement for it.

 

I lay down and looked at the ceiling light for a few minutes. The room owner came back with a glass of water. He handed it to me before sitting down on the bed. I sat up and took the water to drink without saying anything. I drank almost half of the glass and returned it to him. When I returned the glass, I accidentally sent the eyes with it. That's why Charlie smiled strangely.

 

Charlie turned to set the glass of water on the bedside table before moving up to sit on the bed, leaning back against the headboard and stretching his long legs out in front of him. When I saw that, I immediately moved to sleep between his legs as if it were instinctive. This position was one of the most comfortable for me because I was sleeping between two pillows, with a pillow supporting Charlie's tight thighs.

 

"Do you want me to tell you about Willy?" I asked after I had found a comfortable position.

 

"Just seeing the picture is enough. Are you going to tell me about it in bed? Yes?"

 

"How will I explain?" I laughed. I'm glad to know that Charlie still has feelings for my story. From the beginning, I thought he would not care about me anymore because of the size of the news, until there was a rumour. He still kept quiet all day. "That day, I went to sit and drink alone. I don't know where Willy came from. He said he came alone, too. So he came to ask to sit with me."

 

"Are you sure he didn't mean to follow Babe?"

"It's not that psychopathic."

 

"Protect each other?" At first, I felt good that Charlie was jealous of me. But now I'm starting to get annoyed by this wrong voice. Therefore, the first warning was a small bite mark on the jealous person's inner thigh. "Oh!" Or it may not be that small. Listen to that voice.

 

"Why did you bite?" Charlie shouted while squeezing my mouth to prevent him from getting bitten a second time.

 

"I'm always jealous."

"Just asking. It seems to be Babe. Anything is possible."

 

"He didn't follow. It was just a coincidence."

 

"Okay, if Babe said it by chance." The jealous child gave up the catch game easily. Partly because I tried to make the sound the cutest, rather than the threatening one he often makes. In general, Charlie is quite allergic to softness and action. So pleasing to me. I know this well. So I chose to leverage the time when I want to win without wasting too much effort. As I do now, "But let me ask you one thing."

 

"Many things are fine."

"Who started?"

 

"What do you mean?"

"Kiss," Charlie's expression was flat. It was clear that he was still upset about it. Despite how much he tried to act mature, he couldn't help but ask, "Who kissed who first?"

 

"What do you think?"

"Asking back is not allowed."

 

"What is this..." I meant to pretend to play. But Charlie didn't have the attitude to play with him. His jealousy continued to spread faintly. It didn't erupt violently, but it didn't disappear. The semi-cold, half-upset eyes made him look indescribably sexy. "Are you serious?"

 

"Aren't you still angry that I didn't ask?"

 

"Okay," I gave up, tilting my cheeks to his legs, hoping to calm down slightly. And it's not just him. I have to calm down, too. Because suddenly my heart trembled. Come up with the idea that now we're back to dating again. "Willy, let's start. He kissed me first."

 

Charlie didn't answer anything. He put his hand on my head. A strange feeling radiated from his palm. It didn't hurt, but it wasn't very uncomfortable. It was chewy and hard to explain, but I realised that this was not just a general touch.

 

"Are you afraid that I'll lie?"

"I just want to check."

 

As I thought, Charlie used Chen's lying sense on me. If you see this as a lack of trust, it may come across as quite angry. But for me now, I'm even happier that he used that sense with me. What has been bothering me all day is the fear that Charlie will misunderstand me. I don't care what status we are. Just that I'm not an unfaithful person in his eyes is enough.

 

"Babe is telling the truth." Charlie's tone sounds relaxed. The truth from me will help dispel the clouds in his heart. "Thank you."

 

"Thank you for the story and for telling the truth."

"And if I say that Willy started, but I didn't stop, you will still thank me?"

 

I can't act like an innocent. This name is just a redemption. But it can't erase the offence I've done. The truth is still actual. I didn't refuse Willy's kiss from the beginning. I let it happen intentionally. And how can I accept Charlie's thanks?

 

"Then why didn't Babe stop?" Charlie asked. He didn't look as frustrated as before. This is a question sentence that is not coated with any other meaning. "Did it feel good?"

 

"At first, I didn't feel anything. I was even confused because I was drunk at that time," I replied. While in my head, I tried to think back to that night. The memories were quite inviting. I'm confused. I'm not sure what's happening. It's just about kissing that I'm 100% confident.

"At first glance, I thought it was you."

"This one is so angry."

 

"But is it just at first glance? In a moment, I recognised that it wasn't you."

"Why do you recognise it?"

 

"It's not the same to kiss"

"Who is better?"

 

"Do you want to know?" I just asked because I wanted to tease the child. But the person who was bullied didn't play with him. Charlie looked at me with his eyes. The hand that had been placed on my head was automatically moved. When I was a little angry, he wouldn't touch it. This is one of the things that hasn't changed amid many changes in Charlie. "Just kidding, don't make a face like that."

 

"It's not funny."

 

"What's wrong with you? I'm not a boyfriend." Charlie mumbled as if complaining to himself. Because that's what he's done most, I'm telling the truth. Even if he looks like we're back now. But the reality is that we're still just each other's ex-boyfriends. This hasn't changed a bit.

 

"Kiss anyone, can't kiss you anyway. I train you with your hands. You must like it. Am I already the best?"

 

When he heard the satisfied answer, the grumpy child smiled a little, but only a little bit. He still maintains the image of a cold young man well. Only the palm that slides back on my head is still warm.

 

"Even if you like it, you can still kiss others."

"I'm single. I can do anything."

 

"I didn't say anything."
"This is the size that can't be said."

 

"I'm just sorry," Charlie said softly. "I'm an ex-boyfriend, and I can't regret it.

Or what?"

 

"Don't be sad. Ultimately, I didn't get anything to do with it."

 

"Why?" That's like a question that came out without reflection. Charlie was silent for a moment. Before adding, "It's not that I want anything else. I want to know why Babe stopped. If you continued, it's not wrong."

 

"I think you should already know the answer."

 

Loneliness and longing make us more honest. Even though I chose to lie, I said what my brain thought without a filter. After deciding to separate, I can't imagine a day when we can sit and open up to each other like this again. The safe space between us has even been permanently closed. Because Charlie looks firm and sad, but there is no sign of reconciliation. And although he has shown concern for me many times, I have never felt that his care will mean anything other than the friendship that someone once had. But because now I have a chance, I want to try to grab it again.

 

"Babe doesn't need to care about me anymore," Charlie said softly but firmly in his heart. He looked down at me. The big palms moved from the top of his head to his cheeks. His eyes communicated sincerely. As if afraid that I would misinterpret because of the low-mindedness, like many times in the past, "I'm sorry. If someone else replaces me, there's no way I won't feel anything. But Babe has the life of a baby. I don't want Babe to feel guilty for me for what I'm not wrong."

 

"I don't feel guilty at all."

 

"I swear I don't have a glimpse of thinking about how Charlie will feel about doing this. I feel sorry for Charlie. That's great. It's better not to take it."

Charlie doesn't have the power to read minds. But he said every word in my head accurately.

This is the power of a good ex-boyfriend. No matter what it's about me, Charlie knows everything. And because he knows everything, I don't understand why we broke up. Even though he should be the one who knows how I feel best and what I want, we shouldn't even have anything wrong with each other.

 

Our breakup may make sense because Charlie already knows everything well, but still chooses to do things the same way. Finally, he has already decided which is important and which burden should be cut off.

 

I can deal with this. But I'm just thinking about it myself. Until now, it's still painful to realise that I'm the first part of Charlie that he chose to throw away amid many stories in his life.

"It must already exist. That kind of thought," I answered frankly, even though it destroyed my pride a little. "But I didn't continue with Willy because I didn't feel that way. I don't know the future. I can't tell anything yet. But now I'm not ready. And it's not with him. But not with anyone."

 

I'm selling dignity in exchange for the deepest needs of my heart. I'm willing to remove the outer shell I've been using to protect myself since the day we broke up. Open the naked body for Charlie to see. It's no less embarrassing. But because I have a small hope that is blooming, the invisible fibre is shining again. 

 

The coldness becomes warmth just because Charlie reached out to touch me. He made me think we could go back there again. The common area between the two of us, I used to feel, must be permanently abandoned. There may still be a way to bring it back to life.

 

"You're my first boyfriend, Charlie." I raised my palm to his hand, which was still close to my cheek. I raised my eyes and made eye contact with Charlie, hoping it would weaken him. Or at least, he just hesitated a little. That's all, it's perfect. "This time, I can't forget you."

Charlie didn't answer anything, but his eyes trembled.

"Then you told me to go to someone else like this again. I don't think I'm a little mean, really?"

"I didn't mean that..."

 

"If I already have someone else, will you accept it? Huh?" I flipped his palms, which overlapped, to maintain coordination, and gently pressed a kiss to the back of his hand. He intentionally used the tone of voice that he used to say, 'Babe makes this sound, and I lose every time. ' Because now I want to win more than anything. "If someone else comes to hold my hand like this, hug me and sniff my head like you like to do. If someone else comes to kiss my cheek and beg me, are you okay?"

 

"It's okay or not, it's... Do you have to endure it?"

 

"If he kisses me, it's not just a kiss like Willy, but the kind of kiss you've always given to me. Kiss and touch all over. Kiss on my bed, the bed where we used to sleep together. He took off my clothes one by one. Then slowly kissed all over the body..."

 

"Ouch! That's enough!"

 

Charlie let go of my hand before raising both hands to cover his ears, closing his eyes and saying 'Goodbye' to drown out my voice. Even though I stopped talking since he said it was enough, the stupid kid still couldn't open his mouth. As if just one more word, he couldn't stand it. Is this the person who told me to find someone else? Charlie is still young.

 

"That's enough." I pulled the child's hand. He had to stop covering his ears. Charlie agreed to stop making strange noises. But still looked at me with distrustful eyes. As if ready to turn on the protection mode again at any time. "Stop talking"

 

"Stop it. I don't want to hear anymore."

 

"So if you say it's not okay, you have to endure it. Is this called endurance?"

"Well, Babe talks too much. How can you do it?"

 

"Well, if you just have this imagination, what can you do with the real thing?"
"I didn't think it would be this difficult," Charlie said weakly, looking at me. I'm not weak and tough enough. But I felt so good that I couldn't help but smile, even though Charlie is weaker. It means that I have more opportunities. "Is Babe the same?"

 

"I don't know, I've never imagined that you have someone else."

"Well, imagine, think about it if I sleep with someone else..."

 

"Oh, stop." I immediately raised my hand to cover Charlie's mouth. He didn't have time to explain anything, but my excellent imagination has already worked overtime. "This is starting to get angry. Enough for now."

 

"Why do you get angry so quickly?" Charlie laughed like it.

"You and I are not the same."

 

"Babe doesn't know how to be patient."

"Well, Charlie is very good at patience. Do you want to take a look at a good little girl?"

 

"Say it well." The talented little boy gently pressed my head as a punishment. Which, of course, I didn't let him do unilaterally. I hit his leg back to one. But it's like Charlie won't be shaken by anything. He rubbed my head and played with my hair without saying anything for a while, before pretending to hold my head and pressing it down on his lap again.

"Hey!" I smashed my fist on Charlie's leg because this kid kept playing pranks.

"What is this?"

 

"No," Charlie replied with a still face. Keep untracing the book, even though he knew quite clearly that he was thinking about something in my head, "It's just a feeling."

"What the hell is it..."

 

Suddenly, I didn't feel like arguing with him. In fact, there was no reason. Charlie's face and the eyes that looked at me were the subject. His palms were still resting on my head. Charlie didn't say a word. But I felt like he was whispering in my ear, spelling out his needs and expectations as if I were a loyal servant. This is possible in two ways. One is Charlie really ordering me, and the other is me. I miss him so much that I'm already raving.

 

"Are the kids around here secretly stubborn?" I laughed in my throat, placing my hand in the middle of his crotch to confirm something, and it was what I thought. Charlie was excited. No, it should have been exciting for a while. "Oh! Hello."

 

"Don't play," Charlie said, annoyed. But his expression was opposite; he tilted his neck to look at me. The corners of his mouth were slightly raised. His eyes flashed as if he were waiting for an amazing play from me.

 

"Pretend to speak"

"What?"

 

"How can you get an adult's head? You're a small child."

"I've done more than this." The young boy said fearlessly. 

 

Come to think of it. Since Charlie last said he was afraid of me, it's been a long time. When we first met, my voice was a little stiff. This kid's head is shrinking. But now? Scolding to death, I'm not afraid. Plus, he pretends to get me back twice. The wings are stronger every second. "That's all... Children"

 

"Really?" I pressed my palms with his excitement. It grew increasingly excited while the owner kept a flat face as usual. "What's more than this?"

 

"Will you try?"

 

I would use action as an answer to that question. I tilted his cheek to his thigh. While the hand slowly crept into the sleeping pants of the talented ex-boyfriend, the elastic hem of the pants opened the way for me to access the inside easily. After passing through the fortress, enter another layer; this is the goal—the innermost layer. The warmth fills almost the hand. But Charlie still controls his face very well.

Impressed. The only reaction that I can catch is the rhythm of swallowing saliva, which looks more difficult than usual.

 

There was no conversation between us. There was only the sound of Charlie's breathing, louder than usual and not very consistent. He would often look down at me. The warm palms moved from the head to the shoulders. Slowly stroking in a rhythm similar to my palm that was moving in his pants. I felt like I was a child playing with toys in the most comfortable sleeping position. 

 

While Charlie looked very uncomfortable, his eyebrows furrowed many times, and his mouth pursed intermittently, as if he was patient with something, but I was sure he didn't mind what was happening now. Or, to be clear, he liked it very much.

 

Charlie's breathing sounded louder. It's so loud than before that it sounds more like panting than breathing. I'm looking for something to tease him with even harder. The discomfort was released freely outside the pants. The mouth cavity replaced the palms. I received warmth from him. At the same time, he himself was fighting my heat too. Charlie leaned against the head of the bed, exhausted. Revealing the open mouth to grab the air into the lungs more than ever. Because the heart's rhythm is more frequent and faster, like my rhythm that doesn't give up, it will only increase.

 

"Babe..." Charlie called my name in a blurry voice. His voice was like the wind blowing until it made a light sound that gave me goosebumps. Of course, my body reacted like that until it got goosebumps. Especially when Charlie put his hand on my head and crunched my hair in his hands, the feeling of a little tightness on the scalp made my abdomen flutter terribly. "Slow... A little slower," 

 

My brain must have worked upside down. When I heard Charlie's request to slow down, I moved faster. And because I refused the request, Charlie crumpled my hair in his hand harder. Now, it may be called "pecking the head". It hurts, but I'm not angry with Charlie at all. At a time like this, I like that Charlie didn't take care of me too much. I like that he let his instinct take over. Move with heart rather than brain. Charlie knew when he should treat me with respect. And when to be mean, wild is the best. And I'm sure Charlie has been in bed with me for a long time until he knows the right rhythm. That's good.

"Uh..." The moaning in his throat was heavy. Charlie seemed to have run out of patience, and he pulled my head until his face was dry. That's why I let him go of my mouth. The young man gasped heavily. Staring at my face like both love and hate at the same time. Charlie is always like this when I tease him this way. "What do you say? Don't you know?"

 

"What did you say?" I have a sweet smile, not shaken at all, even though I was that age. Less than almost ten years, pecking, leaving the head disrespectfully, "see, hear."

 

"Don't you only use your mouth? Why are your ears dead?"

 

"Then why are you frustrated?" Charlie's frustration made me feel better. I climbed up and tilted my cheek to tell him. Move my face like a cat when asking for food. Knowing that this behaviour will make Charlie, in the form of an irritable person, think more, but that's my main objective anyway. "Don't you like it?"

 

"It's not that I don't like it, but I'm not in a hurry."

"Why?" I pretended to make a face (which I thought) to clear the name "Afraid of one round and stop at all?"

 

"I think Babe knows the best about this," Charlie said with a still face. His expression is the cutest to my liking. Therefore, he kissed his cheek to vent his feelings of collapse in his heart before getting out of bed.

 

"Going to the bathroom for a moment."

 

"Hey, and come to do someone else, he's stuck," Charlie complained, but didn't bend over anymore because he already knew that I needed to be prepared. If he wants more, no, to be honest, I like it too. Just now, it was just a warm-up. That's just that I can't fulfil greedy people like me.

 

"Uh... Just a moment"
"You don't have to take a shower."

 

"So impatient"

 

"Well, be impatient, hurry up, I haven't been able to meditate for long."

 

The word cute popped up in my head countless times. No one will understand why I like it when Charlie turns a blind eye and talks to me, because other people don't understand the hearts of people who have to live with a sweet boy like Charlie. The death move of this type of person is to keep their sweetness while releasing their hardness. I can tell you that my heart beats every time Charlie is like this, and I think he knows something.

 

"Don't just play alone first."

"If it's too late, I won't accept the promise."

 

That's why he's acting the way I like.

════[changbins_delulu_wife]════

 

Babe said he was going to the bathroom for a moment. But his word 'just a moment' was almost heartbreaking. At first, I sat still on the bed and waited at the door, looking at the light bulb and the ceiling. But after a while, I began to feel stuck. I walked out of the bedroom, turned on the refrigerator to find drinking water in case it would help extinguish the fire in me. However, it didn't work very well. So I went back and forth between the bedroom and the living room. Babe still refused to come out. Finally, I became a full dog. Because now I'm standing with my head against the bathroom door, listening to the sound of the sink, washing my face like a waterfall.

 

"Babe.." I didn't think I would be this much. But I realised that I already called him with a tone that I might wake up tomorrow with shame, but that's about tomorrow anyway. Never mind, "Are you finished?"

 

"Abaeung!" Babe shouted back. Even though the voice was muffled, it conveyed that Pun Qiao is good and also communicated the word 'A moment!' Without repeating it.

 

"Are you brushing your teeth too?" I groaned when I realised that Babe was preparing more than necessary. We've been dating this much. Is he still worried about those things? I still like to complain when he asks for a shower first. I don't really understand him. "Where did you get the brush?"

 

"Ai Ying!" The word 'Tai Ching' replied to see that there will be more water than the word "A moment" a little bit, but Babe is still kind enough to answer every time I ask. In addition, he impressed me with his advanced ex-boyfriend-finding skills and heart-hearts. By finding a spare toothbrush hidden in the storage rack under my sink, even though I just came here for the first time (but it's not surprising because I've been doing this since we were together)

 

"Babe..." When I saw that the stiff wood looked like it would accelerate anything, Mr Pitbabe couldn't do it at all, so I had to try to soften the wood inevitably. "I'm waiting for you."

 

Quiet

There is no acknowledgement signal.

 

Two possible outcomes. One is that he is discouraged because of my begging. The second is that he is more frustrated and is planning to stay in the bathroom longer than he should. Both of them seem possible. It's a head or a tail.

 

"Babe.

... What are you doing?" I was kind enough to fight the tiger. Try to make it again. Plus, this time there is an additional option: gently scratching the bathroom door if he is sorry and stops teasing me. "Have you finished brushing your teeth?"

 

Inside the bathroom, it was still quiet. I accidentally held my breath excitedly. A few seconds later, the door opened, and Babe looked at my face, still without saying anything. The hair in front of him was a little wet, probably because of washing his face. There was a faint smell of soap and mint coming from the body. 

 

The face looked grumpy, but it was at a level that wasn't serious. Now it seems that other emotions have more influence than we stared at each other for a while. Babe still won't say anything. As for me, I'm at a loss for words. I'm a little embarrassed when facing him. After doing it, the body is sticky, bending like a child with a problem. Plus, now I still can't guess Babe's mood. What if I accidentally make him really angry? Like that, I have to sleep tonight without fulfilment?

 

"Babe..."

 

As if waiting for this moment from the beginning. When I opened my mouth to speak, Babe rushed in and attacked. Immediately, he raised his arm to wrap around my neck. Combined with a kiss, the smell of mint from my own toothpaste spread throughout the cavity of my mouth. The tip of his hair is moist, cuddled against the skin, giving a slightly cool feeling, but it hasn't lost the mood at all. On the other hand, Babe's mood made the frozen emotions melt quickly. The hot touch flowed from head to toe and back again without stopping.

 

I was pushed onto the bed. There was not much time to be conscious. He sat down on my lap. Kissed over and over again, as if to say that all the time in the bathroom, he was patient, too. I didn't know that we were already like this. Or it's hotter than usual. Now it's all confusing. The only thing that stands out in the feeling is a sense of longing. Wanting to be one, if we melt and unite now, we would have done it.

 

"Big again," He pulled my T-shirt over my head and threw it in any direction. Two hands caressed my upper body as if he wanted to review the touch that had been away for a long time. Which I didn't think of. Sitting, leaning back to support with my hands behind. Let the person on my lap admire my body to the fullest. "It's been hotter. Take a big one."

 

"I've been like this for a long time. Before, people were just considerate."

"There is a part. When I see that I'm single, I come to the crowd." 

 

The ex-boyfriend's mouth is like talking. Even though I can't help but be annoyed that I've received many times more attention after the news of our breakup was spread. "But it's not fair. Did I see it first? The whole country has Kuta alone."

 

"So why?" I asked back. Move your palm to put it on the eye's hip. Squeeze it gently with its hands. "If you see it first, can't you share it with others?"

 

"If you say don't divide, will you listen?"

"No, sir."

 

"Well, why do you ask?"

"But at least I should give you some credit for Babe."

 

"What's the credit?"

 

"The reason why people pay so much attention to me is partly because of Babe, hmm... Actually, it's the most. "I met his eyes. Babe's eyes have some charm that is difficult to explain. Many times when I stare into his eyes, I feel like I've been sucked into a whirlpool with no way out. The emotional vortex that makes me hot or cold as he pleases. As hot as hell when he's angry. Cold, almost heartbreaking when he looks at it with cold eyes, and sometimes happy until it drifts like in heaven when he looks at me, greasy.

 

Packed with love and affection. Babe's eyes are the door to those lands, and I wander around in them again and again willingly. "I think I have my goodness. Maybe with a look or..."

 

"Handsome," Babe interjected before raising his hand to his left cheek, "You're handsome, Charlie. The shape is good, it's not strange that people look at you."

"If Babe says that, I won't argue." I laughed. It's a little embarrassing to say this. But when Babe has confirmed, there is no reason for me to refuse to show kindness.

 

"But what I want to say is that I wouldn't be this hot if it wasn't for me being your ex-boyfriend."

 

"So is it good or bad?"

"Hmm... That's good." I adjusted my voice to be softer. Moving my face closer to the other person. The tip of the nose almost collided. Babe didn't move. Of course, he had no way to do that. Now we can breathe. The hand touched the other person's body as if it were their own treasure. "The more people care about me, the easier it would be for me to do."

 

I can leverage Babe's reputation and influence. But if I'm to put it, in principle, it's one of the benefits I should get as his lover. Or it can be called a by-product. Simply put, if you want to be like me, you have to be a Pitbabes fan.

 

"Everyone wants Pitbabes' stuff." Our lips touched each other softly because I moved my mouth and said. The sensation flashed like an electric current every time our lips touched each other. "If I were just me, maybe ten people would be interested. But because I'm an ex-boyfriend of Babe, hundreds of people want to try it."

 

My body is all hot. I'm the only one who's crazy hot. This is even more, there is a ruffled Babe on my lap... Both of us are almost burned to death.

 

"Everyone wants to know... How awesome is Pitbabes' stuff?"

 

"It's for sure," Babe said in a blurry voice. Moving his hips to plough my lap as if I'm almost out of patience. I think Babe would feel no different from me now. "If it's really not good, why would I take it... Really?"

 

"That's why I told you..." I whispered close to the tip of his chin, pressing a gentle kiss to one before moving his face down and dragging his tongue from the collarbone up to the tip of the beautiful chin that he had just kissed. "Other people want me because I belong to Babe."

 

"Where did you say you're not mine?"

 

"I'm not Babe's thing. The way that Babe will order me to do anything." I pressed a kiss on his cheek before holding the person on my lap, turning down to lie under his body. Babe didn't look shocked at all. On the other hand, he still stared at me without moving his eyes. His mouth was full, revealing a little like I'm waiting for something. I know, but I won't give it to him yet.

 

"But I will live for Babe, die for Babe... Without having to order," This doesn't seem appropriate as a statement that happened between the ex-boyfriend. But I already said it. Say it with deep sincerity. Forward openly, and I'm sure Babe can take all the money with no effort.

 

"Don't die," the person under the body said in a low voice. His hand climbed from the side of the cheek up to the upper part of the hair. Squeeze gently while looking at me with eyes full of desire "Be...Make me happy"

 

I didn't reply with words. But engrave that request in the deepest part of my heart. It will be there, reminding me that from now on, I can't die. I have to try my best to live and make my beloved happy. Maybe not the way he wants, but I will do everything to be by his side in my own way.

 

Kissing, sucking, and drinking go on as if they would never end. The clothes on both of our bodies were stripped off one by one until we finally had only naked bodies like the first day we met. We caressed each other's bodies. Touching the temperature on each other's body surface, Babe, lying on the new bed under my body, panting for breath, shaking every time I move my body towards him.

 

"Mama..." He called me with a familiar pronoun. The demeanour is like a delusion. Even though I'm the real delirious person, his body is melting me. Tightly, as if I don't want to separate, I hope he knows that I don't want to separate from him.

 

Together "Uh... Papa"

 

"Legs?" I accelerated the rhythm to another level. Another arm under the leg, tightening around my waist. Because I want to touch him more and go deeper than I am now. "What's up?"

 

"Miss you..."

"What are you thinking about?" Even though I can guess the meaning, I still want to hear him say, clearly with that kissable mouth, "Miss Papa or miss.. Like this?"

I emphasise the word like this so much that the beautiful person moves with the bed. The big pillow helps a lot in preventing his beautiful head from hitting the headboard. Babe moans. He looks like a person who is about to lose his heart. But not afraid at all, as if dying while under my body is worth it. But I didn't make Babe die a little bit. I will make him happy.

 

"I wonder if I miss this guy more?" I laughed in my throat while slowly sliding my palm to put it on my beloved's throat. "We broke up, so there's no one to please, right?"

 

"Ugh... None at all."

"Sure, who knows as much as Papa?"

 

And then squeeze that beautiful throat. Like knowing that it will make the other person delirious. Babe opened his mouth and moaned. At the same time, he tried to get the air into his lungs to the best of his ability. The water poured out of the corner of his eyes. The body twitched until I could feel it. Every reaction of his body said that he was suffering. But Babe's expression now was not close to the word torture at all.

 

"Pa... You are the best."

He admired me. While the corner of his mouth raised a sweet smile, his eyes looked like I was the most wonderful human being on earth. And he was ready to give me everything without regret. Without him knowing that I was the one who lost it. I gave him everything without him having to ask.