PitBabe series2

I opened my eyes and woke up in a condition that can be called a little better than a corpse. The first feeling from before I opened my eyes was a head weighing about a hundred tons, as if it was almost sinking into part of the pillow. My eyes hurt. I tried to open my eyes to the fullest, but I forgot only half. It was a long sleep in the feeling. But when I glanced at the bedside clock, I found that it was 09:21 a.m., meaning I had only slept for about three hours.

 

In Charlie's perception, I probably slept all night soundly. I've just slept in bed since he came and talked to me. As if sleeping is the most important thing in life, even though I've only broken up with my boyfriend for a few hours, that may not stop me from waking up. And I'm glad Charlie's understanding will be like that. I can't sleep at all until six in the morning. I don't think I can even sleep. But probably because my body is completely exhausted. 

 

The system shuts down automatically. But seriously, if the body wants me to rest, I should be forced to sleep since Charlie went around last night. Or let me wake up again tomorrow. Not ordering me to sleep for three hours, and then having to wake up in a quiet, lonely house like this. Charlie is gone.

 

Last night, while pretending to be asleep, I fell asleep listening to Charlie's music instead of a lullaby. As Sonic said, he likes listening to ASMR. It's similar but less annoying. If it's a normal time, I would be annoyed if someone made a noise. I was lying in bed when I fell asleep. But last night it wasn't like that. Instead of feeling frustrated that I was disturbed by sleep, I repented. It was so painful that I had to let the tears flow quietly. Dripping down the pillow in a wet circle. But of course, there was not even the sound of sobbing.

 

To be honest, I've been crying since Charlie said goodbye. I told him A few sentences when the anger was still recurring. I still have enough voice to respond to him. Words can hurt the mind. But after he started talking in a tone like a person who was about to die, I didn't even have a whisper to reply. Some of the sentences Charlie said made me very angry. For example, let me forget him quickly or something like that. Listen and want to shout. Let's cry. But that's just a thought in my head. Because in the cruel world of reality, the crying person is me.

 

Some sentences are very sad. Even though he still sits next to me, I already miss him. I just think that there will be no more of him. It's like becoming a void without a lump of meat dancing as always in my chest. Tomorrow I will have to think of his face. Miss the sound with only cute words and soft laughter. Miss the warm touch, the smell, the fragrant body, and the delicious food he made. Think of stories about physics, politics or whatever I don't understand. Miss glasses, miss blue, miss cars and racetracks, miss gloves, miss hugs, miss kisses, miss sex, miss smiles and tears, think of the future that I thought was to come, but no more.

 

From now on until the rest of my life, I will spend every second thinking about him.

Is that it? Will it disappear one day? Will there be a day when this nostalgia fades away? Sooner or later, I will stop loving him, right?

 

I have a hundred more questions, and the person who can answer them now is probably Charlie. Because Charlie is a smart child, that person seems to have the answer to everything. Even my question last night was more difficult than I have ever asked. Charlie can still answer. Only his explanation and my answer differ.

 

Last night was one of the few times I felt pathetic. It's like a joke: I gave Charlie a choice, confident he'd choose me anyway. Even the mouth will shout and curse, saying repeatedly that I'm not as important as his other things. But deep down, if it's time to choose, Charlie has no other choice than me. He loves me too much to leave me.

 

Because of that, Charlie once said there was no way he could break up with me. Last night, there was no word quitting on his mouth. But everything he said has the same meaning until now. I still can't believe that we broke up. I shared every day with Charlie for almost three years. But today it's gone. He is gone, and his belongings are gone as if no one has ever been here with me. One corner, it looks like Charlie is too mean to leave without a fibre. There is not even a small fraction to think about. But in the other corner, it's like he's helping me fully move forward through the memories that are only his. I don't know if I should be angry or thank him. 

 

I get out of bed. After lying, looking at the ceiling quietly for almost half an hour. I don't know where I'm going to walk. How can I know who the owner is? The hanger is still stuck on the wall. But the sea blue brush is no longer there. He took everything as if he didn't want to leave anything behind.

 

I finished washing my face and brushing my teeth with a withered mood. In my heart, I didn't feel like doing anything, but I still dragged my feet down the stairs, looking around because I wanted to make sure Charlie was gone.

 

No, I'm lying. I just hope he's still there.

 

I still hope, even though I know I have to be disappointed. I don't understand exactly what I want. Last night, I kicked him out. Ordered him to put his belongings away. Saying that this is not his house, even though it's not true. This is Charlie's house. If I could go back in time, I'm not sure I would fix anything else. But one thing I'm sure I won't repeat is saying that crazy sentence. Even if we break up until the status changes, I don't want him to think this is not home. I should be the one who knows best that if it's not here, Charlie doesn't have another home.

 

The refrigerator is full of food boxes, arranged like those in a convenience store freezer. Inside, a side dish has been cooked, and a small Post-it note is in every box.

 

"400 watts 2 minutes,"" 200 watts 3 minutes," add a little water, warm 300 watts for 3 minutes. I looked at those food boxes for several minutes before taking out a green apple instead of the food that the selfish person had made for himself. What is he expecting? Do you think I'll appreciate it?

 

I walked over and dumped my ass on the sofa with an apple. I didn't think I would turn on the TV to eat like every time. Because I don't want to hear or recognise anything now. Just sit and eat quietly, don't recognise the taste. I only know that something is in my mouth, and it slowly flows down my throat.

 

The cell phone on the table in front of the sofa shook. I don't remember when I last held it here. Maybe I left it since last night. Or I've been holding it in my hand just now. I'm not conscious enough to recognise it, including the notification on the screen.

 

Tomorrow at 10:30 a.m., I have an appointment with a psychiatrist. Note: The appointment slip is in the top box beside the medicine cabinet. Panic Pills (pink pills) are out of stock. Don't forget to update the nightmare (don't lie to the doctor). I'm sure I'm not a crazy organiser to record this.

 

My phone and I wouldn't be crazy enough to bracket ourselves from lying in the app. The calendar is full of appointments that I don't even remember. Both psychiatrist appointments, racing practice appointments, dinner appointments with P’Alan, boxing matches with Kim and many more. All of this is my business. But Charlie is the person who remembers every detail accurately.

 

Charlie packed up in the morning because he had a lot of wealth. But he did this nonsense: He prepared everything so I could continue living. He acted like I was a fool who couldn't do anything, even though before meeting him, I had been able to live alone without any problems.

How dare you be?

Who do you think you are?

 

The phone in my hand hit the wall before falling to the floor again, where it broke the screen. It's been a long time since I vented my emotions in this way. If Charlie were with him, he would have looked at me fiercely and said, 'Take a deep breath, don't destroy your belongings, ' before pulling me into a hug. He likes to act like I'm a child with emotional control problems and needs a tremendous amount of love all the time, even though it's not true at all. 

 

Come to think of it, it's good. When Charlie is with me, I have to be patient with many things, including emotions, cigarettes, alcohol, meals, and even sleep. Everything in my life has changed since Charlie was busy. Now he's no longer. It means that I can do anything with my own life. I don't care if it worries Charlie. In some places, it may be easier without him.

 

I've been with myself for the rest of my life. Having someone to come around for a while doesn't mean that if he's gone, I can't stay. It's just go back to the same. It's like when I didn't have him. I'll be back to being the same babe, an independent babe. I can do everything I want. Don't have to wait for anyone. Don't pay attention to anything. Just be the Babe who loves himself more than anyone else, as I have always been. From now on, you don't have to love Charlie anymore.

 

This may be a good thing.

 

════[changbins_delulu_wife]════

 

The light caught me out of the dream world unexpectedly. Hooks rubbing against the curtain rails have become the top annoyance over the past few days. And it seems the perpetrator is not planning to give up the annoying behaviour soon.

 

"Wake up, stray dog."

 

Even the sound was annoying. I pulled up the blanket to cover myself and escape the threat in the form of a mean doctor who these days seems to be many times meaner than before.

 

"Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up"

 

Not only was he talking in vain, but he also nudged my leg in rhythm with his speech. In addition to being rude for waking the villagers of Chong early in the morning, he also used his feet to poke at them. I feel good if we say that we are close. But people should bring closeness.

Do you really use it like this?

 

"I just went to bed by myself," I groaned when Dr Chris pulled off the blanket. He blocked every way to make me sleep again. Behaviour like a mother is not wrong (even if I don't have a mother. Come on)

 

"So, who uses it to sit and play MVS every night?"

"I just can't sleep."

 

"That's your business. I'll wake you up at this time every day until you go to bed. Normally, like the villagers, he can."

 

I sighed in discouragement. I can't do anything but sit up. Force my eyelids to open even though I'm unwilling. Because of the posture, the doctor won't give up easily, even though it's not my fault. He thinks he wants to sit with my eyes open all night or something. If I can choose, I want to sleep too. However, I'm unable to do it. Even if I have to go to bed early every day like this, it's been three days since we broke up. I've been packing out of the house since that night; there's been nowhere to go except the lab. So, I brought everything here and temporarily took over the researcher's bedroom. Most of the belongings are still in the crate. There are only daily necessities scattered in the room, like staying in a hotel. 

 

"Okay, I hope I can sleep like a normal person soon," I said softly, rubbing my eyes.

"I can't sleep at night. I won't wake up during the day. This is a symptom of heartbreak."

"It's not about heartbreak."

 

"If you say that this is not about Babe, it's too funny."

"It's about Babe, but not because of heartbreak."

 

I scanned the bed that I had been sleeping on for many days. This three-and-a-half-foot bed is not very comfortable compared to the king-size bed at Babe’s house. The blanket is not as soft as it smells. It's fragrant and relaxing, but all this discomfort doesn't prevent me from sleeping.

 

"If you don't hug him and can't sleep, this is a heartbreak."

 

"Hugging, I want to hug." When talking about hugs, I remembered that I should find a little more pillow, so I can lie on it and turn around on the bed. When I'm free, I find it really uncomfortable to sleep. Compared to when I have Babe lying next to me, even if I don't hug him all the time (because Babe likes to complain that it's hot). But when I feel at night and want to go back to sleep as soon as possible, I just pull Babe to hug. In a few minutes, I can go back to sleep as usual. "But I can't sleep... Because I'm more worried."

 

"Guess the topic wrong. Your life seems to have a million things to worry about."

"Babe, he can't sleep alone."

 

"Is he afraid of ghosts?" Doctor Chris frowned. His expression indicates that people like Pitbabe would be afraid of ghosts with him. I laughed softly because I thought that if Babe were just scared of ghosts, it would be a good thing.

 

"What should I call it...trauma, I guess?"

"Come on?"

 

"It's been a long time since two years ago."

"When Way died?"

 

"That's the time." I nodded slowly. Although it's been a long time, discussing it is still difficult for everyone. Living normally will make those events just a common memory. But when I was poked a little, it felt like the wound would open every time. Does this mean that we haven't improved much? "There are many things that happened to all of us. Babe is the one who was hit the hardest. Hurt in many ways, including me, I did a lot for him."

 

"Hmm... So he can't sleep alone." Dr Chris nodded gently. "But he still has friends there. If I can't sleep, I'll call someone to sleep with me."

 

"It's not that he can't sleep alone like that." I sighed for a long time. Thinking about it, I can't stop feeling guilty. "He has to sleep with me."

 

"Do you have to be the only one?"

"He used to understand that I was dead."

 

The doctor blinked his eyes. He seemed to be understanding and piecing the story together in his head. And I don't have to explain anything more than this. At the level of Dr Chris, he can already connect himself.

 

"He must be afraid that you will disappear."

"Yes, so I can't sleep."

 

"To this extent, he still dares to break up." Dr Chris shook his head and looked at me tiredly. He probably didn't understand my relationship with Babe very well, which I didn't expect anyone to. Even Babe and I are in a relationship. Many times, we still lose. I can't expect anything from others. "One person can't sleep alone, the other sat down and worried that he couldn't sleep until he didn't sleep."

 

"If I can choose, I don't want to be like this," I sighed.

 

"So why don't you go back to sleep with him? Just sleep as a friend, enough to sleep in the morning, then go back."

 

"That's not the same as breaking up." I don't know why I have to force myself to smile. I don't want to smile at all right now. And there is nothing that makes me smile at all. "Besides, even if I want to sleep with him, Babe won't take it. That night, he kicked me out."

 

"Well, people are angry here. Don't chase, it's weird."

"Do you think he will no longer be angry with me now?"

 

"Hmm... It's hard." Dr Chris shrugged his shoulders. Since I broke up with Babe, everyone seems to be trying to speak well of me. Do something good. Encourage every opportunity. It looks comforting, and I'm afraid that I will be sadder. Only this doctor doesn't even try to comfort others and laughs at me. However, if I have to choose, I prefer the method suggested by Dr Chris. "Babe seems to have emotions, starting with anger."

 

"But this is appropriate."

"If you knew, why did you break up with him?"

 

"Because Babe will never understand." In my heart, it hurts again. From that night until now, whenever I think of Babe, it will always be like this. I used to think that I would have no way to cope with the breakup. When I met you, it was even worse; unlike Babe, who said he would never break up with me. Or even if it was necessary to break up, he asked himself to die before I had a new girlfriend. He looks much stronger than I. Sometimes it may be because having me has made him suffer the most. The fact that I walk out is not that bad. "No matter how many times I explain or adjust, it won't work. Every time I push it, it will only get tired."

 

"It doesn't sound like you." I turned to meet Dr Chris's eyes. I didn't quite understand what he said, "Unlike me." What does it mean? And it looks like he is confused. So I continued, "I don't know. I just feel like you're stubborn. You shouldn't give up on anything easily, especially about Babe. Seriously, we were shocked when you said you broke up."

 

"I was shocked." I just laughed. Now I can't believe we broke up."

"You give up much more easily than we think."

 

"I didn't give up at all."

"But as far as I can see, it looks like that."

"It just has to be exchanged."

 

Dr Chris looked at my face. His eyes looked familiar to me. He always looked at me like this. When he was wondering about something, it was like he was using his eyes to penetrate my skull, catch the brain full of notches spread out and slowly chase every recorded thought and work in it. He is in the same group as me. Those who are curious will not stop until they penetrate the core. We discussed it, despite the outer shell being extremely different.

 

"If you don't want to lose anything, hoping for only one is impossible. It's forced Nature"

 

It's been a long time since I could accept this truth. In the past, I tried to grab everything. Hug it tightly. I wanted to reach my goal without losing anything. But after carrying everything for a long time, I now realise I am fighting against rules that can never be changed. The rules of this world are that you never have anything free. Everything is a choice between two things. Choose what is more important and choose what to leave. No matter how much is left, it will break the heart.

 

"If you want to change, I have to trade. In this world, millions of things are not good enough. However, not everyone will take action to change. Not because they don't want to do it. But not everyone can do it. Not everyone is ready to lose."

 

"So are you ready... That will be lost?"

 

"Because I have nothing more. So don't be afraid of losing it." If you live like this forever, hoping that someone will do it. What I want to happen will not happen at all. Anything I want to protect and care for will never be safe as long as I'm still waiting for others to sacrifice for me.

"My life has only one thing that I want to keep." I smiled at Dr Chris. I hope he understands what this smile and these words mean. "And I let it go. Now there's nothing to lose."

 

Doctor Chris stared at my face silently for a moment before sighing, as if out of words to say to people like me.

 

"And if everything you put in is accomplished. Will you be happy then?" This is not a newly raised point. But it's a question I ask myself daily since I first wanted to do this. There are only a few people who understand the way I think, Dr Chris

 

I used to say I was the one who chose to create a system to eliminate thieves rather than encircle the fence. It is considered a fairly correct explanation. Even though I know it is almost impossible. Because thieves are not something to get rid of completely. And then all the existing thieves are dead. The next day, it may pop up again. Therefore, what I want to do is not to chase and eliminate all thieves. But I will make those thieves dare to even think about taking action.

 

"Everyone wants to be in a good society. Everyone wants to feel safe. I want to live a free life without being watched. I want to have a choice. I just choose to be myself. I just do it because I want everything I should have."

 

"The question is... Will you be really happy?" We made eye contact. For a moment, I felt like I was looking in a mirror. It was creepy, but at the same time, I felt energy circulating through my body—the energy about to make me become someone I had never dreamed of.

 

"I'll try to have it."

 

════[changbins_delulu_wife]════

 

I knocked on the door of the oversized master's office three times, waiting for three seconds before being allowed to enter. A large teak door opened, revealing Tony's grand office, a big businessman who the whole country understood had left the world two years ago amid a dirty business that had been exposed. 

 

Everything seemed ruined, leaving no good pieces, and I was one of the people who both worked on the pattern and were destroyed. At that time, everything seemed to be put in the way. The big boss died. The subordinates were in jail. That seems much more accurate than what happened now.

 

"Lab results." I placed the tablet on the table in front of him before stepping back. "The team sent it to me late. I'm not sure if you've seen it yet."

 

"Hmm... I see that it has been sent, but I still don't have time to read it," Tony said in a flat voice while his eyes were focused on the phone in my hand. If I have to guess, he probably has something to think about again. If it were before, I would have had the right to be the first to know. But now that the situation has changed, I'm no longer the person he trusts. "Sum it up to me."

 

"This week, I tried three recipes, the first one...."

 

"No," the big man said in a deep voice. "I don't want to hear this summary." Two years have passed, making me feel like I can't catch up with him. From my observation, Tony has changed a little. He looks calmer than I remember. It seems there are things in his head he must think hard about all the time until he forgets how to express emotions. I can hardly hear him or make a face like I used to. There is only a smooth tone—the expression of expression. Sometimes there are eyes like a real saint. But of course, that is impossible.

 

"There is no formula that works yet." That's the answer he would like to hear.

 

"Is that so?"

 

If it were before, he would have raised his head and stared at my eyes like eating blood and meat, repeatedly asking, 'So what are you going to do?' "How long has this been? Or "I think I have that much time for you to play?' In addition, I may be slapped twice more. That is the master I am familiar with. Not an old man who looks ready to achieve dharma like now.

 

"If there's no progress, you don't have to try to report it. It's a waste of time to read," Tony said in a voice. He still refused to look up from the mobile screen until I asked what was on it. "Just let them know that time is money and gold. The more time it takes, the more it takes. Lose both investment, time and opportunity, no one wants to lose."

 

"I'll let you know."

"Oh, thank you very much, Kenta."

 

He said the words he had never said to me: 'thank you'. Then he was silent. I didn't say anything. I'm still confused about whether I should appreciate it or what I should reply. But think about it, it's better to keep a distance. He doesn't trust me as much as he used to, so I should be careful.

 

"So I'll beg you." I bowed to him before turning around and walking straight to the door, but just two steps away, it was held back.

 

"Kenta"

"Yes?" I returned to stand in the same place, waiting to hear the orders.

"Have you ever had a boyfriend?"

What?

 

"Yes?" That question has no source and doesn't seem appropriate to come from a heartless person like Tony. It's a little creepy. "Me?"

 

"Uh, have you ever dated anyone?" He raised his head from the phone and stared at me expectantly.

 

"Never."

 

"That's right.." The strange-looking boss nodded slowly while I was more and more confused. Now I'm deciding whether to hurry and run away first. If he thinks of punishing me in another strange way, I will find a way to escape. I have been working for you all the time. Where will I spend time to have a girlfriend?"

 

"Well... That's how it is."

"What about the people who like you?"

What's his deal? Did the ghost come in or what?

 

"I don't have one." I chose to answer like that. I don't know what he wants from these questions. At least it's safer to say no first. "Yes, what is it?"

 

"No," Tony laughed. Yes, he laughed like a person in a good mood, not pretending to laugh like I've done since I remember. Surviving from my dark edge must have brought his brain back. I just want to understand the love of his children."

 

Is that love?

 

He doesn't even fit that word—a lowly person like Tony, and the word love cannot live in the world. If you say that the only thing he loves is himself, I still don't dare to say it. In my eyes, who had been by his side for a long time, I'd always thought Tony saw the body. He is a place to live, a vehicle, a container, a tool, or anything else that is not a human with flesh, blood, and mind. He is just the home of the soul. He is never afraid of death. Not scared of pain like a demon that comes to haunt humans for revenge or does some evil deeds.

 

"I don't think I have to make a face like that." He laughed again.

 

"I'm just wondering. You see how much my children worship love, including Charlie, Babe, Jeff, and even Way. They have changed because of love." That's right. But hating you is not about being in love. I can only think that in my heart. There is no way to say it out. That's for sure.

 

"It's probably like that."

 

"I would like to try to talk to someone of the same generation as those kids, but it looks like you can't answer."

 

"I'm sorry." I bowed my head and apologised. Until now, I still don't understand what he wants from me. Why did you suddenly bring up these things to say? A dead person like him wants to understand what love is for.

 

"Don't apologise. I'm the one who used you so hard that you don't have time to have Love  like any other child."

 

I don't know what to answer. I will answer 'No, sir. I have a lot of time, I just don't want to have it myself.' It seems artificial. Therefore, I chose to stand quietly and wait for any orders in the future.

 

"Then there's nothing left. If you have anything, just do it."

"Yes"

 

I bent my head, turned around, and walked out again. This time, I thought there would be nothing else.

 

"If you can ask your friends, it's good."

 

But there was still no request to chase behind. My legs suddenly stopped. The same rhythm caused my heart to stop beating for a fraction of a second. The sentence he said sounded like nothing. It was just a non-serious work. But for me, I felt like he was deliberately jerking the chain that was chaining my leg and pulling it gently, not making me fall face down. But I want you to realise he is the boss who gives rice and water. And he knows everything about me. No matter where I turn left, turn right or step.

 

"Yes," I responded without looking at him before quickly opening the door.

 

From the room full of strange atmospheres, my breath is still uneven. I can't believe that in the past, I've been with that man without feeling anything. The air surrounding me is so tight that it's hard to breathe. I never knew until now. Even the prison I've been to stay in for two years, the land that everyone calls hell on earth, is still disgusting, not as awful as this mansion.

 

"If you can ask your friends, it's good."

 

Friend... Did he talk about my friend?

 

You're in a bad pose.

 

════[changbins_delulu_wife]════

 

I got almost nothing all day today, even though I went to the lab early in the morning. I was in a clean room all day. There is something that can be used. But in the end, it didn't matter anyway. I'm quite confident that I'm walking around in an invisible maze, which is so frustrating that I want to grab someone's head and press it against the wall. I hate the obvious problem of the knot in front of me. Over the left and right is visible. But I can't solve it. That's why I left the knot like that. I'm out of the mood to fight.

 

If you think that a complicated problem that causes headaches will make me obsessed and focus on it until I can solve it. It's a terrible mistake. I'm not Charlie. I'm not crazy and don't like doing anything I know may waste energy. When I'm tired or annoyed, my brain often stops working automatically. Even if I force myself to continue, it doesn't help. 

 

Inadvertently, it may be more chaotic than before. So I left Charlie to sit with the others and go out to rest, without paying attention to anyone.

 

Speaking of Charlie, I have a new opinion about him. As you know, a few days ago, a famous racing couple experienced a lightning breakup. When I first heard the news (because Charlie called to tell me), it shocked me for several minutes. And others would feel no different. Babe and Charlie are deeply attached. They have some relationships that I can't explain. But let's say the relationship looks so strong that I can't see them cutting it off. This is one reason I look at Charlie.

 

Even though we haven't known each other for a long time, I can see Charlie's essence, maybe because I don't care about who is good or bad, whether it's good or bad or not, or even human instincts. It's boring to judge who is what? Therefore, Charlie seems more open than usual when he's with me. I see his dark side; it may not be wrong. But believe me, even Charlie's darkest side is not as bad as some people I've ever met.

 

The point to mention is that I don't like Charlie in the non-Babe version. This may be information that sounds surprising and embarrassing to me. (Of course, it will never let it reach Babe's ears.) It took me days to crystallise. It took me several days to conclude how much Charlie distracts me in the current version. Of course, he is still as smart as before. His golden brain is still working excellently. But what is missing is confidence. 

 

Before breaking up with Babe, even though he didn't show off as his boyfriend did. But Charlie has full confidence in his body. He believes in himself without waiting for anyone to confirm. But after the most whipped birthday event, Charlie became a child, holding a pile of rice with his bare hands and eating it. It is more frustrating. But to feed it into his mouth, it seems a bit shallow.

 

Bang! Bang! Bang!

 

Even though I'm wearing earmuffs, the sound of gunshots still comes in clearly. I don't want to think about how big it would be if I didn't wear it. Since choosing shooting as a hobby, I've never shot without wearing earmuffs and glasses once. And I only shoot in the practice field all the time. Yes, I want to take this kind of dangerous thing to chase and shoot someone out there. I just can't help but think about how people who carry guns everywhere, like holding a wallet, will feel. Will your ears break when you pull out and shoot without a soundproofing cover? And the bullet casing, splash. Have you ever hit my eyes?

 

I'm doing quite well. Looking at the hole in the target, it's quite clear. However, it's certainly true because I've spent many years with it. It would be bad for my reputation if I were still shooting randomly like an amateur. Whether it's a stationary target or a moving target, I can shoot them all. The last time I practised, I hit a moving target 100 per cent of the time. At that time, I even reflected and chose to study medicine. If I knew that I would be this good, I should have taken the entrance exam to the police school to learn and survive. Chris in the police uniform should be cool, not teasing. 

 

The four- or five-point CP in my hand was fired until the magazine ran out. I lowered my hand. Slow down, slowly, was about to load the ammunition into a new magazine dress. I realised that someone had walked into the room. His trigger rhythm sounds consistent. I don't dare to call myself an expert. But sometimes the sound of gunshots is enough to tell the shooter's skill. Therefore, I can't help but glance at his shooting target. And I found the guess was not wrong in the middle of the target.

 

His skill made me want to see the shooter's face. But when I turned to look, I felt the shooter was more interesting than the skilful one.

 

"Don't you continue shooting?"

 

Pete asked before turning to make eye contact. Of course, he realised that he was being stared at because I didn't intend to start secretly from the beginning.

 

"Watching you should be more fun," I replied with a smile. He didn't smile back, but didn't look intent on me. He's a Little confused with himself. You're good. Have you been practising for a long time?"

 

"Yes, well... It's been a long time." Pete seemed hesitant to answer. But it's not a matter of hesitation about whether to answer. It's like he's not sure more than when he started shooting. "But I haven't shot for a while."

 

"It means I'm lucky to see you today."

"Do you think so?"

"So why do you think otherwise?"

 

"No..." He froze. This time, he looked hesitant again. It was strange that he had an attitude like someone who was not confident in front of me, even though Pete seemed very calm and dignified when he was with others. "Just think about whether you will be afraid of me?"

 

"AFRAID... Why?"

"Well, last time I behaved strangely toward you."

 

"Oh, that." I just realised that he hugged me tightly the first time we met and confessed to me in the convenience store. It can't be denied that it was strange. Where would normal people do that? "Well, you misunderstood. I will see you as weird if you confess to me again."

 

"If I do it again, will it be strange?"

"So you're going to say you like me?"

 

Pete blinked and pursed his lips as if trying to restrain some dangerous words from coming out. He automatically lowered his eyes. It's quite clear what he's thinking. I'm not narcissistic enough to believe that this person must like me. Just because he's nervous. But Pete is too obvious. He may not want to or fall in love with me as Way does, but I'm sure he has deeper feelings for me than for people he's just met once, because I look like his last unrequited love. He's easy to read and very dull.

 

"I haven't thought about it yet."

 

"So where are you thinking now?" I tilted my head and smiled a little because I knew a smile was enough to make the young businessman's heart flutter. If I had to, I would often smile at him. If we analyse Charlie's words, we see that he and Way meet at a bad time. The heart-printed smile from Way should be rare enough. 

 

"Interested, want to know, or secretly follow the same shooting range?" Pete's readability makes him boring. But the reaction on his face makes the boredom less noticeable. Every time I tickle the point, his eyes widen before blinking frequently, as if he is thinking hard on how to answer so as not to look at the name too stubbornly. If you can advise him, don't try to advise him.

 

"I didn't follow at all," Pete denied in a flat voice. "I usually shoot here anyway. 

I just came here for the first time. How can other people follow me?"

"How do you know I'm doing this for the first time?"

 

Pete made a face like that again. He looks hilarious, even though when he's with others, he seems like he doesn't like to show real emotions. But when he's with me, he shows everything. His face is all over. I like Way very much. That's why I lost this symptom.

 

"I just... I want to see you again." Pete lowered his eyes as if he would give up trying to look mysterious and complicated. (Because he did it very poorly) "I called.

 

Ask Charlie. He said you're here."

"Yeah, Charlie recommended it."

 

"Charlie also came to practice shooting here. We used to see each other often."

"I invited him to come today, but he was heartbroken, so he was crazier about work than usual."

 

"Heartbroken?" Pete raised his eyebrows in surprise. Even though he seemed to be mixed with the X team racers, he is not close enough to sit down and talk with them. "Charlie?"

 

"Charlie, he broke up with Babe."

"Wow... How can it be?"

"Unbelievable, right?"

 

"Yes... Unbelievable," the young businessman said in a soft voice. The breakup between Charlie and Babe was beyond everyone's expectations. "They love each other very much. Two years ago, Babe almost died because of Charlie..."

 

Pete froze. He acted as if he had suddenly hesitated to talk about it. From my observation, these people reacted similarly when talking about the incident two years ago. They acted as if it had happened a long time ago. Go beyond it far away. But the reality that I can feel is the opposite. No one has walked out of there—even the most stable-looking person, like Charlie. Many times, he still looks hurt when talking about it.

 

"I just don't think that the couple who love each other so much that they can die instead of each other, we can break up."

 

"Anything can happen," I shrugged, took the last bullet, put it in the magazine, and pushed back into the handle, pushed the iron, stopped the ball, slid the gun down, and let the gun move to the front. "If it's just love, we can be together forever. That would be a little easy, I guess?"

 

"I guess so," Pete said in a voice. "But if Charlie and Babe can still break up, I don't know. So what must you do to be together for a long time?"

 

"Don't expect it, it's probably the best."

"Do you have unexpected love?"

"I mean, I don't love you at all."

 

I raised my gun, aimed directly at the target, and took a slow breath to gather concentration with my fingertips instead of someone else's love, no... Including mine.

 

"Have you never been in love?" Pete asked.

"Never", I answered before pulling the trigger.

Bang!

"And I think there won't be anyone."

 

I turned to meet his eyes. The first thing that came out of his eyes was fear, maybe because people like me were creepy. Or because the disappointment was too scary. But that's not my responsibility.

 

"What about you?" I asked Pete, the stranger expecting me, even though I didn't know him.

 

It's even good. "Don't you want to give up?"

 

════[changbins_delulu_wife]════

 

"Ouch! Lose again!"

 

North shouted for a long time after losing to me. I don't know how many times he threw the game joysticks on the floor, leaning against Sonic's legs, sitting on the sofa, eating snacks in anger.

"Did you cheat?"

 

"Lose and bully", I pretended to hit North's head with Joy in my hand. But it was blocked by Sonic. That protective gesture makes me want to open his mouth. Since returning from abroad, Sonic seems kind to North like never before (or maybe all the time, but I've never noticed it myself, I don't know). It's probably because he wants to make up for the lost time. But even so, it's still worth it.

 

"Don't use force." Sonic narrowed his eyes at me. This warning signal made me think of someone who shouldn't be thought of, so I had to hurry to shake it off first. These crazy feelings would escalate to a brainache again. Is that Alan? I'm not afraid.

 

"Warn him." I glanced at North, who tilted his head as he sat at the bottom of the sofa. He made a pitiful face when Sonic turned to look, then turned to mock me when Sonic was careless. This guy is begging.

 

"Don't yell," Sonic gently pushed North's head as punishment, which made me feel indescribably frustrated. "Just lose, you won't die. Game"

 

"I didn't die, but Babe won alone, damn it." North mouth made a face full of pleading eyes. I don't know what Sonic will look and feel like. But as an audience member like me, to be honest, I've already lost my appetite.

 

"Play with me, you win."

"Hang, you're weak."

"Buffalo"

 

Sonic and North argue with each other like they do every time. It's probably true. But lately, when I see them together, the mass of the creamy atmosphere moves in and covers me every time. I'm glad they stopped by after Charlie moved out to play with them almost daily. Having someone to be with me is a must. And North and Sonic are together, having fun until they get bored. But I must admit that the couple's closeness makes me a little sad.

 

Charlie and I also like to argue. Others may think that Charlie always gives in to me, but that kid is stubborn. If there is anything that you are sure he is right about, let's say that he argues until his neck is a tendon. When playing the game, he likes to catch the mistake. Find that I cheated (sometimes I don't cheat at all), find reasons. I possess full first-level evidence, while everyone views me as competitive and dislikes defeat. Charlie floats the role of a mature adult. Even though in this matter, he is even higher than I, and because of that, playing games with Charlie is the most fun.

 

"Wow. Is it already 8 p.m.?" Sonic spoke as if he had just realised he had been home for so long. The time of fun always passes without knowing it.

 

"You can go back, I think North."

"Well, it's true." North nodded in agreement. "There's a morning practice tomorrow."

 

"Huh?" When I heard that my playmate was going home, my heart felt dizzy. Immediately, "Are you going back?"

 

"That's better," Sonic replied, turning to find his fallen bag beside the sofa.

"See you tomorrow at the field. I'm going to practice too, right?"

"Well... A"

Honestly, I want to hold both of them. I don't want to be alone. It's bad during the day. It's twice as hard at night. But come to think of it, that would be too stubborn. Just calling them to play at home every day is already bad. Besides, even if North and Sonic stay together tonight, it won't help me. I still can't sleep, anyway, because the problem isn't the number of people. But in the people, Charlie wouldn't bother others like this.

 

That idiot would have managed himself well without having to bother anyone. Still doing his crazy work. He sleeps normally. Can live without problems. It may be better than when. Even with me, weighing the legs is no longer a burden. It's not fair.

 

"We'll go first," North said, and then said goodbye. I could only nod back. I couldn't do more than prepare for the lonely silence that was about to come back to haunt me again. "Go to sleep, brother, and if there's anything, call. You can always come."

 

"Well, thank you very much," I replied, "Both of you."

 

"If you call. Find us, and no one picks up. Just call. Find Alan. That way, he's an old man and wakes up," Sonic joked. He was still not secretly gossiping about the old man who should be ready for bed by now.

 

"I'm going to sue Alan."

 

"Let's sue. Talk more in front of me." Maybe it's because I've been laughing all day. The lonely energy was more intense than ever when they returned. I never thought I would have a moment like this. I grew up on my own from a young age. Being alone is something I used to be good at and comfortable with. But now it has turned out to be what I'm most afraid of. I'm so scared of silence. Fearful of silence, terrified of even my own home and bedroom. 

 

Even though Charlie and I were not that way before, we were not together. But at that time, I could be alone all day. Maybe I miss it, but not tormented like now. That may be because Charlie will come back anyway.

 

I'll be back soon... I've always thought that. Even though I've been taking a shower to wash away the sweat. But the esoliness is still sticky. There's no easy way to wash it off in a shower. I dropped it on the bed that I especially hate during this period because it's too big. The more space on the bed is left. The more it reinforces that the missing person takes up a lot of space in my mind. For the past few nights, I've thought many times that I want to buy a new bed, smaller than this, a week after breaking up. I sleep every night with the sleeping pills prescribed by my doctor. He didn't recommend that I eat it unnecessarily. Which I almost didn't have to. Use it, but now it has become something I can't do without. If you want to sleep, you have to eat it anyway.

 

I've been staring at the medicine bottle for a while. I know that I'll have to swallow it down my throat to sleep. But in my head, I kept wondering if Charlie would see that I had to take this medicine on the night he was away. Before breaking up, Charlie never left me to sleep alone for a single night. The reason is not just because we are addicted to each other's existence, but also because he doesn't want me to take sleeping pills.

 

'Why are you eating? I'm Babe's sleeping pill.'

 

He used to say that proudly. But now he must have forgotten it all. I will have to take sleeping pills for the rest of my life. Eat until the day I fall asleep. And never wake up again.

 

The mobile phone on the bedside table was shaking slowly. I turned to look at the light-up screen, but my heart sank when I saw who the incoming call was from. Charlie called. 

 

From the day he packed out, Charlie didn't call. I came for a call. The message didn't even have a single sentence. But today he called. Come on, I'm excited and scared at the same time. Staring at the still-bright phone screen. I don't even dare to reach for it. I want to know what he wants to talk about. But at the same time, I'm too afraid that it will be a matter I don't want to hear—worried that he will call. Let's talk about something that makes it necessary to call, not because he wants to call. He has been looking for me until now. What do I still hope for?

 

I reached out and picked up the phone to hold it, but I still didn't dare answer. Looking at the picture on the screen with my heart's thoughts in mind. I haven't seen this picture for days. Charlie, who is sleeping, opened his mouth, and he is not handsome at all, but I can look at it every day without getting bored. And because I kept staring at Charlie's funny face like that, the line cut it off. Before pressing to receive

 

"Oh!" I cried with regret. I wanted to hit my phone hard on the head. Punish me for moaning until I missed a significant opportunity. "Hey... Will you call again?" Even at times like this, dignity still supports my neck. I don't dare to call. Go back, but still hold the phone like that, staring at the screen, waiting, hoping that Charlie will call.

 

If something is important, you have to repeat it or just call. Did you come because you missed me? What if Charlie changes his mind? If you don't call, come again. What should I do? While anxiety was playing hard on me, the phone vibrated again from the original caller.

 

"... It's here," I muttered to myself with excitement. I want to press to receive. When I saw it, Charlie knew he wanted to talk to me. I was heartbroken. I waited for about five seconds before pushing the call.

 

(Don't say anything)

 

I didn't have time to open my mouth. At the end of the line, Charlie interjected first. Just a short sentence in his familiar tone made me want to cry right now. I miss him.

 

(Just... I want to call. Find it) Charlie spoke in a low voice. Even now, his voice still sounds warm. And it makes me think of his voice in my ear. The authentic voice that doesn't go through any communication tools. It's a hundred times better than this. But I can't ask for anything anymore. (I want to call. I look for it daily, but I'm afraid I'll be annoyed, so I can't. Call. Yes)

 

So why did you call today? Come? I asked in my heart.

 

(I know I shouldn't call. Come on, the more you do this, the worse it gets. I might wake up tomorrow. You can be angry with me for doing this. Even if I want to reply, I can't do it now. I cry for... Just because I heard his voice (but...)

 

But what... Speak out.

(I'm afraid that Babe won't miss me)

 

Hearing that, tears flowed even more. Various feelings mixed until they were all messed up. I felt missing and regretted that I could only listen to him over the phone. I was angry that he was selfish. I was afraid I wouldn't miss him, even though he was the one who wanted us to break up.

 

(Bad habits, right?)

Yes, it's not good, it's the worst.

 

(I told myself that I wanted Babe to forget me soon, but now I'm afraid I'll fail. I don't know what to do, Babe. I don't wish for Babe to be sad, but I don't want to disappear either.)

 

I tried to hold back my sobs. I didn't want any sound to let him know that I'm crying.

 

(Actually, I'm a little drunk, secretly stealing Dr Chris's beer to drink)

 

When I heard that, it made sense immediately. A hard-hearted person like Charlie would have no way to call. Come if you are fully conscious. I just noticed that his voice sounds a little more than usual—just a little bit. If you don't say you're drunk, you won't know.

 

(If I say that I miss Babe so much... Will Babe be angry?)

 

And look at what drunk people do. Charlie is so mean to me. What is he expecting? Just want to call. Come to talk about what you want to say, and then go? What about me? Does he think that after he says that, how will I continue to live?

 

(If you don't want to listen, just hang up.)

Even though he is so mean. But why haven't I hung up yet?

 

(Miss you, Babe...)

I'm going to die. He deliberately called. Come and kill me.

 

(No more Babe... It looks like it's going to die.)