North: How much is your love?

Chapter 31: Stay with me.

(>> Johan <<)

"What are they doing?"

"What?"

"Let's go take a look."

"Damn it," I said, letting out a soft sigh.

 

My eyes stopped at the two people standing in front of the shop in the market, buying things. Damn, I'm really annoyed. I don't like this hot weather. But what I dislike even more is North secretly coming here.

Actually, we had arranged to study together for the exam. The younger students, however, had to take an exam at their department. I sent a notification to the group early this morning. But it seems the professor didn't show up, so they sneaked off without telling me. Moreover, Ter went along too. Neither of us knew anything.

Hill and I were very worried. I rushed out to look for him. But is this the right time to go to the market? It's unbearably hot. When I first found out they were on a secret date, I thought it was no big deal. I was just a little anxious, so I went to look for him. But Arthit asked: "What do you think is the reason your boyfriend would sneak out without telling you?"

 

“…”

"Damned."

 

"Why do you think those two boys came here?" Hill asked.

"They went shopping." I think there are several reasons why they left without telling us; maybe they went shopping to surprise us?

"Is your birthday coming up soon?"

"No," Hill gently shook his head, "Isn't it your birthday?"

 

"Are not."

 

"So what did they come to buy?"

 

"Maybe they just want to buy something," I said. "Or maybe they simply want some private time."

 

"Private time?" Hill asked, repeating my words.

 

"Hmm."

 

"Why?"

 

“I don’t know, maybe they’re bored?” I joked. Hill turned around and frowned. Immediately displeased with me, “Ter might not want to be with you anymore.”

 

"Yeah, maybe North is the one who's tired of you."

 

I shrugged, not paying much attention to what he said. Before turning back to look at them, I just realised that Ter was wearing North's jacket. North must have lent it to Ter because Ter couldn't stand being in the sun for too long.

 

"Ter is wearing North's jacket," Hill said.

 

"Yeah, I just saw it."

 

"That's very chivalrous."

 

"No matter what happens, he's still my boyfriend."

 

"I'm not denying that," Hill said with a hint of annoyance, "But thank you, North, for taking care of Ter."

 

"Nothing, that's all."

 

"I should thank North, not you."

 

"I don't find this funny." My heart wants to find him and bring him back right now, but another part of me wants to know why he's here. Besides, maybe he just wants to spend some time with his friends. As Thit said, we shouldn't follow them. But I'm still worried.

 

"Are we going to continue like this, Hill?"

 

"Well, I'm worried."

 

"Me too."

 

"Wait a little longer."

 

"I'm so hot, why did they come to the flea market?" I started complaining again. I really don't like hot weather at all. Damn it, I know I can't stay in the sun for too long, but even so, I can't stop myself from whining. Okay, what are North and Ter doing here? They'll definitely get scolded when they get back; why are they always so mischievous?

 

"What time is it now?"

 

"Three o'clock in the afternoon," I replied.

 

"They'll definitely be back before five o'clock."

 

"Aishh." Since we all stop tutoring around 5 p.m., "Shall I try texting him and see what 

happens?"

 

"Let's see," Hill said before I took out my phone and typed the message.

 

Johan: Where are you?

(Read)

 

I saw him take out his phone. He looked at the screen with a slightly shocked and worried expression. Then he showed it to Ter, looking very confused. They are debating how to answer.

 

North♣️: I'm taking tutoring. Is it time for you to rest yet?

Johan: I'm taking a break. Can I call you?

(Read)

He seems even more surprised than before.

"What did you text?" Hill asked.

"I asked if I could call him." Hill smiled, seemingly quite amused, before shaking his head.

North♣️: No, I'm having tutoring 😭

Johan: No? Then take some pictures and send them to me.

(Read)

I noticed his face looked even more worried than before. Why didn't he want to tell me where he was? Why was he being so secretive? It felt like he always got flustered and awkward when he lied. Why was he so adorable?

North♣️: No, that's not possible 😭

Johan: Hmm… I miss you.

"What's wrong?" Hill asked, turning to look at me. "Why are you suddenly embarrassed?"

 

North smiled shyly, his face turning even redder than before. It had already been slightly red from the sun, but now it was even redder.

 

"I was just saying I missed him," I said.

North♣️ : I miss you too.

 

Hmm… did you really have to smile so cutely when you texted "I miss you too" and sent it to me?

North♣️ : *Sends a sticker. We'll talk later.

Johan: Text me when you're done so I can come pick you up.

North♣️: Yes.

 

Hill and I continued walking slowly behind them. I saw him pass a few shops, but he hadn't bought anything yet. Ter was carrying a bag of snacks. I turned to look at the person next to me, who was still silently sighing.

"I suddenly felt like buying something to comfort you," I joked.

"Yeah."

"North, hold this for me," Ter said, handing the bag he was carrying to North. I rarely see him like this. When I'm with him, I often flirt and offer him things, but he never seems to need them. He never complained or cried when I didn't have much time. When I was tired, he would take care of me very thoughtfully and carefully. From preparing breakfast to cleaning my room, it was always cleaner than if I hired a maid. Suddenly, my phone rang. It was Thit calling, and I immediately picked it up.

"Go ahead and speak."

(How are you? Have you found the boys yet?)

"Okay. I'm following them now."

(Are you following those two boys?)

"YES."

(Are you planning to be a stalker?)

"I didn't intend to do that initially, but after seeing him, I actually did it." I chuckled a little, "I realise now I'm not much different from a stalker."

 

(Why would you stalk your boyfriend? Is my friend completely insane?)

"I want to know why he came here."

 

(So, do you know why?)

"Perhaps they came to buy something?"

(A surprise for them?)

"I don't know, maybe North bought it for me. But Ter certainly wouldn't buy anything for Hill."

 

I was joking, and Hill, who was standing nearby, heard it too.

(Your boyfriend doesn't love you anymore, Hill?) Thit teased.

 

"Damn you guys, if North doesn't buy you anything, I'll be the first one to laugh in your face."

(Are you guys arguing about whether your boyfriends will buy you anything? It's a battle for honour, isn't it?) The words on the other end of the phone made me laugh again. (If your boyfriends don't buy you anything, I'll laugh in your faces.)

 

"Then why did you call me?"

(I just want to know how things turned out.)

"Where are you?"

(It's still the same place, so why don't you guys come back?)

"I don't know, maybe in a little while."

(Okay then.) Then, Thit hung up the phone.

When I turned around to look, they were already gone.

"They're at the plant shop," Hill said.

“A bonsai tree?” I raised my eyebrows, repeating Hill’s words with surprise. I saw them intently looking at the cactus. But actually, they weren’t paying much attention to anything else; Hill and I had been following them for a while and hadn’t noticed.

 

"Do you really want to buy a cactus?" I walked into the shop, careful not to be seen, and I heard North ask.

 

"Um, I want to buy one. I heard Dao say they're really cute."

 

"Cactus is cute?"

"It's cute, but I don't know if Hill will buy it for me," Ter said. 

 

I turned to look at Hill. It probably wouldn't be a problem; it's just a cactus.

"I think he'll buy it for you. P’Hill is incredibly kind."

"Isn't Johan a kind person?"

"He's a good person, but he also gets angry easily."

 

Oh, they're gossiping about us…

"Is he very prone to anger?"

 

"Yeah, I don't like it when he's angry at all. If he knew I sneaked out, he'd definitely scold me."

 

North said, "Does P’Hill get angry often?"

"Sometimes, that's when I make mistakes."

 

"But he won't be scary, right?"

 

"He's not scary. He'll speak calmly and explain things to me. Is Johan scary?"

"It was terrifying; it felt like I was shrinking by half an inch during those moments."

They chatted for a while longer, then bought a cactus and moved on to another store.

"Do you often scold your boyfriend?" Hill asked, "He looks scared."

 

"Only occasionally." I think I inherited my strict habits from my dad, because Jin often behaved like a child, so my dad had to scold her to stop her from being so stubborn. It was similar to North.

"But North once said he likes gentle people."

"That's right."

"Well, Ter once said North is a gentle person. But you don't look like his type at all."

"You son of a bitch, I'm gentle too."

“Really? Weren’t you the one who forced him in the first place?” Hill’s words silenced me, his face contorted with displeasure; I couldn’t argue back. Typical Hill, you can never win an argument with him. “If it wasn’t North, who else could put up with someone like you?”

 

“He doesn’t need to suffer,” I said, remembering North’s words. He said he had never tolerated anyone before, only me, and he understood all of this. If he understood, there was no need to tolerate it any longer. “He said she understood me.”

 

"So who could possibly understand you as he does?"

"No one at all," I replied. "Even if someone did, it wouldn't be allowed because I wouldn't accept them."

 

"Then cherish him a lot."

"I know."

 

“When you say he likes the gentle type, I immediately think of Fah,” Hill said as we continued to follow them. “If he hadn’t gotten involved with you and had seen us more often, I’m sure he would have liked Fah.”

 

"Get that thought out of your head, you bastard."

"You idiot."

"Fah is a truly good person," I said sincerely, "But no matter how good Fah is, I'll still find a way to stop him."

 

"But didn't Fah always help you?"

"Yeah, if I graduate successfully, it'll definitely be thanks to Fah."

 

"Fah is surprisingly kind to a stubborn jerk like you," Hill said, sighing softly. "It's true that too much of anything isn't good."

 

I nodded slightly. Hill seemed to understand something because he'd been paying attention to Fah all along. I don't know how he found out. At first, I didn't care either. But around this time, I started noticing, and we talked. We both agreed that we shouldn't interfere. Then we saw the two boys sit down on the park bench. We walked around and sat down in the chairs opposite each other, a short distance apart.

"I'm so tired, and I still haven't found it," Ter began to complain. "It's too difficult."

"If you find them, what are you going to do? They'll find out anyway."

 

“…”

"We need to go sleep somewhere else to buy some time."

 

North's words made Hill and me exchange glances. What did he mean? Sleep somewhere else? Absolutely not.

"Where else can we stay? Phoon's room is the only place we can stay," Ter said.

“That sounds good. So what are you going to tell Hill to ask for permission?” North asked. “I was thinking of saying I’m going to stay with a friend. I wonder if he’ll believe me?”

 

!!

 

Suddenly, Hill nudged me to turn around and look. I turned and looked in the direction he was pointing.

Damn it…

Why are they approaching?

 

"They've been watching North and Ter for a while now." Hill immediately looked displeased. He's the possessive type, so his expression was definitely one of annoyance, not unlike mine right now. I was starting to get irritated, and so was he.

 

"I heard them talking about other things too; they seemed to be having a lot of fun."

 

'Don't laugh like that and let other people see, okay?' I thought to myself before they got up from their seats and continued their walk. I stared at them, pretending nothing had happened.

 

"Damn it, next time I'll lock him in his room," I said angrily. How dare they look at someone else's boyfriend like that? "I'm going to find my boyfriend."

"Calm down," Hill said, but his voice wasn't exactly calm either.

"How can you tell me to calm down?" I turned to Hill and asked. But looking at him, I didn't see much difference between him and me. He had no right to tell others to calm down when he himself was just as angry.

 

"Stop staring like that, Johan."

"You're just the same, Hill."

 

I tried to stay calm and not punch those jerks who were saying nasty things about my boyfriend, and Hill did the same. If anything happened, it certainly wouldn't end well.

 

"Which of the two do you like?"

“I like people who wear white. They look cute, and their cheeks are chubby too.” Was he referring to Ter? Ter was wearing North’s white hoodie. That word “cute” clearly made Hill extremely uncomfortable.

 

"But I like the other younger brother more. He has a beautiful smile, and he says 'yes' so sweetly."

You bastard…

"I really wanted to go over and help him carry his things. He seemed so thoughtful."

"He looks absolutely gorgeous."

 

"They're both very pale. If they took off their shirts, would they be even paler underneath?"

 

Those outrageous jokes shattered my last shred of patience.

 

"Watch your mouth," I said, causing the two men to turn and look at me with confused expressions.

 

"What's going on?" someone asked, their face looking bewildered, but their voice already beginning to tremble slightly.

 

"You guys don't even have the right to see my boyfriend."

 

"Huh? boyfriend?" the other man asked again, his face full of tension. The other man quickly intervened to defuse the situation. "I'm sorry, I didn't know he was your boyfriend."

"Go away."

 

"Yes, yes..." The two immediately turned away.

 

"How annoying," I muttered, my anger still simmering. Were those people just half-witted? I hadn't even had a chance to do anything yet.

 

"I'm going to find my boyfriend," Hill said, followed by a soft sigh. But it wasn't a sigh of relief; it was a sound of suppressed anger.

 

"Okay," I replied. If we let them wander around like this, someone else would surely start staring.

 

"Don't get angry with him."

 

"I won't get angry," I said.

 

"Your eyes look really scary, Johan, do you realise that?"

 

"What about you? You look like you're about to kill someone."

 

════[changbins_delulu_wife]════

 

(>> North<<)

 

"How about this photo box?" I suggested an idea. Ter and I were discussing what gifts to make for the doctors. I wanted to make a handmade gift, not for any special occasion.

 

"That's fine, you two have plenty of photos together anyway."

"Hmm." I like taking pictures whenever we're together and posting them on Instagram, so this could be used to store those photos.

 

When I think about this, I suddenly remember Johan. I feel guilty for secretly running away. Even lying about going to tutoring. I've never lied to Johan before; this is the first time since we've been together. I feel so bad 😭

 

Ter wasn't comfortable lying to P’Hill either. Both of us felt the same way, so we just wanted to quickly buy something and head home.

 

"Are you two still studying in a group?" I asked, trying to start a conversation.

 

"Probably. Why?"

 

“I don’t know, I’m just worried. Did they get any rest? It’s so hot, Johan definitely wouldn’t like it. It’s better to be in the cool, air-conditioned room.” I said, thinking of him, “Did he secretly drink coffee? I’ll make him a cup when I get back.”

 

"North..."

 

"Huh?"

 

"You know what? You've changed a lot since you started seriously dating Johan," Ter said with a smile.

 

"Really? How have I changed?" I asked, surprised.

 

"You think more. I mean, if it involves Johan, you always consider things very carefully," Ter explained, looking at me with a mixture of amusement and admiration.

 

"I'm only worried about him. Besides that, I can't do anything else," I answered honestly.

 

"This is really bad, my friend," Ter joked. "You weren't like this before. I don't remember you ever being like this because of anyone else."

 

"Isn't that a bad thing?" I asked, slightly confused.

 

"No, it shows how much you love him," Ter replied softly, smiling.

 

"What about you?" I asked, changing the subject to Ter.

 

"Me? Oh, yes. Right now, I'm already missing Hill. Hurry up and buy something and come back quickly," Ter said, glancing around with determination. We both knew that the feeling of guilt wouldn't go away until we got back to see them, but at least we could do something special to make up for it.

 

"What's going on?" I turned around and asked.

 

“Just now, while we were sitting there, two people were looking at you with very strange eyes. I turned around and saw them,” Ter said, causing me to raise my eyebrows in surprise. “Luckily, we left. That was scary.”

 

"Yeah, but it wasn't just me who got stared at. They even asked for your Line ID," I said, half-jokingly.

 

"No."

 

"P’Hill will get jealous," I added. P’Hill is very jealous, and quite formidable at that. I've heard that anyone who bothers Ter disappears without a trace. And Johan is no different.

 

"Just looking at Hill, you can tell he doesn't like it. But I don't like it when anyone stares at Hill either," Ter said, his voice full of displeasure.

 

“Me too,” I said. I used to think I wasn’t the jealous type. In my previous relationships, I don’t remember ever feeling jealous, but being with Johan and having so many people looking at him made me feel jealous. “I really do feel jealous. He’s my boyfriend,” I said, my voice firm.

 

"Are you really jealous?" A familiar voice suddenly rang out beside him.

It's Johan… How did you get here…?

 

"Oh..." I was so flustered I didn't know what to do. He gently took the bag from my hand and carried it for me. At the same time, P’Hill appeared. Ter stood frozen, not knowing how to react.

 

"Why... why are you here?"

 

“Two mischievous kids sneaking out to play, huh?” Johan chuckled softly. I felt like a child caught sneaking out. It wasn’t exactly the same, but the feeling of embarrassment was certainly there.

 

"I'm sorry," I mumbled, my face quickly darkening with guilt. I didn't turn to look at Ter, but I knew he felt the same way I did.

 

"If you wanted to go out, why didn't you tell me?"

 

“…” I fell silent, not knowing how to respond. The surprise plan had completely fallen apart. Was there something we did that they didn’t know about?

 

"Why did you have to sneak out?" I heard P’Hill ask Ter. His voice was calm, but it gave me goosebumps. And the person in front of me was equally terrifying.

 

"You..."

 

"Can't you tell me?" Johan asked again, his intense gaze making me afraid to look him in the eye.

 

“North…” Ter whispered my name as if pleading for help. I pursed my lips and looked at him, but I couldn’t do anything to help. I’m sorry, Ter, I don’t know what to do either.

 

════[changbins_delulu_wife]════

(>> Johan <<)

 

My gaze softened as I looked at the person in front of me. I didn't want to be angry with him. The more I realised what North was doing, the more annoyed I became. But whatever the case, I just wanted him to know that I was always worried about him. Next time, there's no need to surprise him or do anything special. In fact, there's no need to buy gifts for Hill or for me. Just having him by my side is enough.

 

"Johan, please don't be angry," the boy pleaded again, his voice barely a whisper.

 

“…”

"But I really can't tell you why I came here."

 

"Okay, I don't want to know anymore," I said, letting out a soft sigh, as if I didn't want to make things more difficult.

 

"I'm sorry... Did I upset you?"

 

"No." I gently stroked his head, my eyes softening, no longer showing the anger I had felt earlier.

"But actually, there's nothing wrong, I didn't do anything wrong."

 

"I know," I said to comfort him.

 

His expression seemed anxious, as if he were afraid I would be angry. He paid close attention to my feelings. He noticed everything so much that I was still surprised by his reaction, because he's usually the type who doesn't care much about other people's affairs.

 

"So, are you going home now?" I asked.

 

He turned to look at Ter as if asking for his opinion. Ter shook his head as if disagreeing.

"We can go now."

 

════[changbins_delulu_wife]════

 

(>> North <<)

 

We went to Johan's cafe, where Ter and I used to work. It was a rather unusual job; I only worked there for a short time before the owner fired me. It seems the doctors arranged to meet here to read books together. I also need to read. The final exams are coming up, and since I initially planned to study in a group, I brought my books and notebooks.

When the final exams are over, the semester will be finished. Then I can travel to Norway as planned, Johan told me. At first, I thought my mother wouldn't allow it, but when Johan talked to her, she readily said "yes." She just told us to take care of ourselves. Now, my heart is drawn to the aurora borealis.

"The stalker's here," Arthit joked as we arrived. Above the shop was a floor reserved for customers with reservations. So, we were the only ones there.

But why call them "stalkers"...?

“North.” I turned to look in the direction of the voice: “Phoon said he’s coming too?”

 

"Huh? He's coming too?"

 

"Maybe. What time do you think it will arrive?"

 

"Has he left the house yet?"

"He just went out the door," Ter said.

 

I took out my phone to check the time. It was already past 5 o'clock.

“8 PM,” I said. Phoon was like a stray cat, so he probably wouldn’t arrive until around that time. What kind of person doesn’t use GPS? He still gets left and right so easily. If he planned to go somewhere, he’d check the route beforehand. So I was really surprised Phoon hadn’t arrived yet. For example, if we arranged to meet at 9 PM, he would have left the dorm at 6 AM. “So Foam’s coming too?”

"Foam said he would learn on his own."

"This person is really unusual."

"Ah, North, I have something I need to tell you," Ter whispered before pulling me along.

We went out to the living room. The doctors were chatting among themselves.

"This is about Phoon."

"What's up?"

"With Tonfah."

"Oh? What's wrong?"

"I don't know, maybe I'm overthinking it, but it seems like… something's wrong? Something seems off. At least that's how I see it."

"Yeah, actually, I've seen it once before. When I was at the cafe with that group." I recalled the moment Phoon hastily stood up, and Tonfah looked after him.

 

"Yeah, I was wondering about that detail too."

"Maybe we both think the same way," I said. "Why don't we try asking?"

 

"I didn't dare ask."

"What's up?"

"Don't know."

"What do you mean?" I asked, raising my eyebrows in surprise.

“Phoon’s eyes look so sad whenever he looks at Tonfah. It makes my heart ache,” Ter said, sighing deeply. “It’s not just when he looks at Tonfah, it seems like there’s something he's keeping to himself.”

"There may be things that can't be told to anyone," I said. "If Phoon doesn't want to talk about it, then we shouldn't ask."

"Oh, I know, but sometimes it's impossible not to worry."

"Then why the long face?" I said, gently patting his forehead. Ter immediately frowned, "You can worry, you can be with Phoon, but don't get caught up in those feelings; otherwise, you'll suffer too."

"Yeah."

"Just letting Phoon know you're there is enough. If you're worried about Phoon being sad, just find a way to cheer him up."

 

“North…” Ter whispered my name before leaning his head against my shoulder, “Thank you.”

"Thank you for what?"

"Everything. Having you around makes me feel comfortable in everything, even asking about Hill. It's not just Johan who feels good with you around, but you really radiate positive energy to everyone."

 

"I'm embarrassed," I said, turning my head to hide my embarrassed expression.

"Everyone should have their own North."

"Oh, are you encouraging me?" I almost burst out laughing. I also nudged him slightly, "Did I come here to help you?"

"I have to thank the dorm manager for putting me in the same room as you. If I hadn't met you, I would definitely be in a much worse state."

"That's enough, I'm so embarrassed."

"Are you embarrassed?" Ter teased, pinching my cheek lightly as if he had fangs.

"North."

"Huh?"

"You know what? Daotok was asking about you."

"Really?"

"Yeah, he's always asking when you're coming to the club. He says being with you makes them happier, and you know Daotok doesn't have any friends in the group, just the two of us."

"Really?" I asked, in disbelief. "He really doesn't have any friends? Is it that hard for him to get along with his classmates in the Science department?"

 

"Well, as you just said," Ter gently tapped my arm, "I don't know either. It's like he only opens up to us."

 

“…”

"It's hard to talk to other people besides ourselves."

 

"Yeah." I thought back to the first time I met Daotok. Daotok seemed capable of normal conversation but also had difficulty opening up to people.

 

"Daotok said that you're the first person in his life he's ever trusted so much."

"Wow, should I be proud?"

Suddenly, Ter's phone rang.

"Phoon's calling," Ter said before answering the call.

"The first thing he'd probably say is, 'Ter, I don't know where I am.' " I joked.

(Ter, I don't know where I am.)

That's all, I have nothing more to say. The words on the other end of the phone made Ter and me burst out laughing.

"Mew's lost again. I'll send you his location."

(Ter no… Where is this? Which part of Chiang Mai is it?)

"Why does your voice sound so panicked?" I said.

(You live with North, right? Please help me.)

"Check your GPS to see where you are."

(I'm watching it, guys, I'm all messed up. This isn't my fault. It's too cold, too dark. Ter, North.)

"Why are you in such a pathetic state?" I said, feeling sorry for him. But why should I help? Because I like Phoon, of course. "Do you have your motorbike?"

(Yes, I borrowed it from the room next door.)

"I told you that Phoon riding a motorbike by himself is the most dangerous thing," Ter said.

"What's up?"

"Can't you tell the difference between left and right? Phoon, do you know you're not allowed to park on the street? You're parked right on the side of the road!"

 

(Huh? No parking? I thought parking was only prohibited on the red and white lines.)

Oh my god…

"That's dangerous, Phoon. Go find a parking spot first," I said with a sigh. "Do you have a driver's license?"

 

(Not yet.)

And yet he was driving...

Why does he live so carelessly? He lives without any regard for safety; how could he have lived to this age?

(It's raining. North, it's raining, and I didn't bring a raincoat.)

 

"Oh, is it raining?" I asked in surprise. It had been so clear all day, so I didn't expect it to rain now. I turned to look outside and saw that it had indeed started to rain. When did it get so dark?

(My camera isn't waterproof.)

"Phoon, don't panic," I said.

 

Suddenly, I was stunned. The doctors also turned to look because Phoon had just made a loud noise. We turned on the speakerphone and talked.

 

"Why did you bring a camera with you?"

(North.)

"Don't yell like that, you idiot." I laughed. Phoon loved his camera because he enjoyed taking pictures, but he only ever photographed the sky. I didn't understand why.

"What's going on?" P’Hill asked.

"Hill, Phoon is lost," Ter said, frowning with concern. "He was riding his motorbike and got caught in the rain."

 

"Huh?" Johan turned around, looking slightly surprised by what Ter had said. "Tell him to send you his location; someone will come to pick him up soon."

 

"Send me your location. Someone will come to pick you up."

(Who's coming to pick me up?) Phoon's voice rang out, along with the sound of the heavy rain falling outside.

“Fah,” Johan said, turning to look at Tonfah. This made Ter and me exchange glances, as if the doctors knew something. They definitely know something. But Tonfah shook his head, though he remained bowed and reading his book.

“I’ll go pick them up,” P’Hill said before standing up. I saw P’Hill sigh before saying, “Ter, would you like to come along?”

 

"Okay." Ter immediately stood up, "North, get me my jacket. Phoon will probably need it."

 

I nodded in response. Ter took the jacket I offered.

"Phoon, I've come to pick you up."

(Are you going with P’Hill?)

"Okay, wait a moment."

(...ok.) Phoon said before Ter hung up and followed Hill.

“Fah.” Johan’s voice called out to Tonfah again. This time, the tone was lower than before: “What is it?”

 

"What?"

"What's wrong with you?"

"I just don't like being ignored."

 

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Phoon followed Ter like a little cat that had just fallen into the water, wearing my jacket to protect himself from the cold. Phoon and Ter sat down next to me in the corner of the room. I gave Phoon the towel I had just brought. Phoon took it and began drying his soaking wet hair.

 

"I was just here for a study group, why do I have to put up with all this?" Phoon asked, his voice trembling.

 

"So, what's the situation?" I asked.

 

"We parked our car in the lot and got into Hill's car," Ter said. "You shouldn't have driven here alone; you could have just told us to pick you up."

 

"I don't want to bother you."

 

We talked for a while, then it was time to read. I had to go sit with Johan. Phoon and Ter studied together because they were in the same department.

 

"Hu." I leaned back and rested my cheek on the table, a feeling of exhaustion washing over me. Why is it so difficult?

 

"Honey... I can't take it anymore."

 

"You don't want a PS4 anymore?"

 

“I want to, but I’ll give up,” I said. Johan reached out and irritably stroked my hair. I leaned closer and rested my head on his arm.

 

"What's wrong?"

 

"I just want to beg." I think I prefer begging because I've been begging since I was little. I liked begging my mother and aunts, so I like begging too. Johan didn't say anything.

 

"I'm tired, please."

 

"Yeah, let's take a break."

"It smells so sweet in here. I think I'm going to get diabetes," Arthit said.

 

"What's wrong? Is there a problem?" Johan asked. "There's nobody here."

 

"But we're all here!"

 

“P’Hill?” Ter approached P’Hill and asked him about something. Studying the same major is great. Doctors are so talented; they can teach you everything. I started reading and then asked Johan about some things. When I didn't understand something, he would explain it to me in great detail.

 

"Why don't you study engineering? You've already achieved that much," Arthit said, sitting opposite him.

 

"My boyfriend is studying now."

 

Lover?

I think I'm still not familiar with this word. Can I keep it a secret for a moment?

 

"So why did you choose to study medicine?"

 

“Another question? Well, what should I study then? I’ve already studied this much,” Johan replied, sounding annoyed. Needless to say, Johan didn’t particularly like medicine. It was a difficult subject, and he didn’t enjoy it. If it were me, I probably would have given up already.

 

"I don't think you need to study; your boyfriend already has." Arthit's words annoyed me. I looked at him in confusion.

 

"Yeah, it would be best if you went to work and your boyfriend went to school."

 

"That's right, things will be better once we graduate, won't they?"

 

"North doesn't need to do anything, I can handle it," Johan said, almost bursting into laughter. Arthit did too.

 

"Let me take care of you," Johan said, turning to me.

 

"Mom, thank goodness you said that, otherwise if I went to work… what would we eat?" I replied jokingly, "We might not even have a place to sleep."

 

"My married life is terrible," Johan said before turning back and gently stroking my head. "Well, then I'd better work even harder."

 

"Studying so much makes it hard to maintain the lifestyle I have now," Arthit joked. I laughed at Arthit's words. I felt closer to Arthit now, and to Tonfah too, because we see each other often. And Arthit and I also play games together. "I'm too lazy to study, I'm going to die."

 

"Just be patient," Johan said. "There are only four or five years left."

 

"Yeah, thanks for the encouragement, Johan."

 

We talked for a while to ease the tension. As for me, I read through everything and then parted ways to sit and chat with Phoon as usual. It seemed like there were so many medical articles in those documents that it was almost impossible to read them all.

 

"What is this?" I asked when I saw a book in Phoon's bag and opened it to look inside. 

 

"A medical textbook?"

 

"North, don't rummage through things," Phoon said before taking the book back from my hand.

 

"Are you planning to study medicine?"

 

"Yeah," Phoon replied softly, then put the book back in his bag.

 

"Phoon wants to become a doctor," Ter said.

 

“Really? That’s great, Doctor Phoon.” I joked a little, then yelled as Phoon slapped my arm hard, “Ouch! Why did you hit me?”

 

"I'm embarrassed when someone calls me Doctor Phoon. Aishhh, stop teasing me, or do you want me to hit you harder?"

 

"If you get in, you'll be the youngest doctor."

 

"Perhaps so."

 

"That's good. Keep trying, you can do it."

 

"Yes, thank you."

 

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It was almost 11 PM when we finished. I took a shower as soon as I got home, then I waited for Johan so we could go to bed together. After a while, he turned off the lights in the room, and feeling sleepy and tired from studying, I quickly drifted off to sleep.

 

I woke up in the middle of the night. It felt like I'd only just dozed off and realised Johan wasn't there. At first, I thought he might have gone to the bathroom. But then I saw light coming through the crack in the bedroom door. I went out and saw Johan sitting at his desk.

 

"Aren't you going to bed?" I asked sleepily, then sat down next to him.

 

"Can't sleep?"

 

"Yes."

 

"Can't you sleep without me hugging you?"

 

“…” I subtly pouted when I heard that. I have to admit that if Johan hadn't been holding me, I really would have woken up. “Are you reading a book?”

 

"I'm working."

 

"You have to work during exams?" I felt so sleepy, my eyes kept closing. I think my eyes looked swollen.

 

"There's an urgent matter. You go to sleep first."

 

"I don't want to." I started to feel a little anxious, "I'll stay with you."

 

"Stubborn," Johan said before gently pinching my cheek.

 

"I'm not being stubborn," I protested.

 

"Why wouldn't I be stubborn? You left without telling me. Isn't that being stubborn?"

 

“…” I pouted with a displeased expression before leaning towards him and burying my face in his body. Johan looked at me for a moment.

 

"North, do you know I'm addicted to you?"

 

"You're being too clingy," I said, flashing a wide smile. "Don't get tired of me, okay?"

 

"How could I possibly be bored?"

 

"Um, I love you so much," I said, my voice still sleepy. I had just woken up and was still a little groggy. "I'm still really scared."

 

"What are you afraid of?" Johan asked before leaving his work, hugging me, and sitting me on his lap as usual, because this allowed us to look into each other's eyes.

 

"Oh, I'm afraid you'll get tired of me."

 

“…”

 

"I've never felt this way before. When someone first warned me, I thought that if it really happened, I'd be able to handle it. I'd never been afraid of anything, but now that I have you, I don't know what to do anymore."

 

"You don't need to be afraid, I'm never going anywhere."

 

"Never do that again," I said before burying my face in his chest, the man I'd missed for so long. I loved him so much that I was willing to give him everything. And if one day this all fell apart, I didn't know if I could handle it the way I'd imagined. Yes… because I never thought I could love someone this much. It feels like my thoughts and feelings fluctuate when I'm around him. 

 

Regarding Johan, I'm afraid he'll be angry, I'm afraid he'll worry, I'm afraid I'll hurt his feelings. I always wonder where he is now. What are you doing? Have you eaten yet? With this hot weather, aren't you feeling uncomfortable? What do you think if it's raining? I was extremely worried, even though I'm not usually the type to overthink other people's affairs. But I never thought about hurting his love. 

 

I know Johan loves me. It's not good to overthink and fear that he'll leave me, but sometimes things are just too good. It's so good that I secretly thought I couldn't live if things changed. Instead of accepting that things can change, I clung to it and wanted it to stay the same. I think about the first time I realised I loved Johan. How could I not love him? How could I not love someone who loves me so much?

 

"North..."

 

"Yes?"

 

"Have you ever thought about the future?"

 

"Yes."

 

"What were you thinking?"

 

“I’ll work as an engineer, save money, and then have a house, a car, and a family,” I said, trying to remember, “But we can’t have children. Would you like to adopt?”

 

"No, I prefer being with North, just the two of us."

 

"Then we'll save money, buy a house, buy a car, and live together."

 

"I like it that way."

 

"Really?"

 

"Whether it's a house, a car, or money, I can give North anything he wants, as long as he wants it."

 

"So what about your dream...?"

 

"You are my dream... You have always been my dream."

“…”

 

"I never had a dream about what I wanted to be or what I wanted to do until I met you. If you hadn't come into my life, I probably wouldn't have done anything at all."

 

“…”

"As long as North is by my side, that's enough. In the future, no matter what happens, wherever North wants to go, I'll take you, no matter what you want to do. I'll always be here to support you."

 

“…”

"Without you, I probably wouldn't be able to love anyone else in my entire life."

 

“…”

"So… will North be able to stay with him forever?"

 

"Yes," I promised before hugging the other person tighter, "Forever."

 

"I love you, North."

"I love you too."

 

A warm hug made me realise that my fears were meaningless; I didn't need to fear being hurt, nor did I need to be overly generous, and I shouldn't be afraid of change. Love wholeheartedly, love someone for a lifetime, and… if the word “forever” truly exists, I want to use it for this person.