North: How much is your love?

Chapter 22: A Million Times

(>> North <<)

I miss you so much…

It's been almost a week since Johan flew to Boston. We've barely spoken. He hasn't even replied to my messages or even read them. I guess he's very busy. What time is it in Boston now? Has he eaten yet, or is he having coffee instead?

 

Johan has a bad habit of being extremely passionate about his work. If the work isn't finished, he won't rest; he doesn't like to stop to eat, only drinking coffee to maintain his energy.

 

"The puppy's sulking again," Duean Nao joked, sitting next to me. I didn't answer, I just turned away.

 

"What is it?"

 

"He must be so sad that Johan isn't here, right?"

 

"Really?"

 

"Of course."

 

"Sigh..." I sighed, resting my chin on my hand, then slumped onto the table, my other hand covering my head.

 

We were sitting in front of the team's work area, where the freshmen were diligently preparing for their engineering group project. This project was similar to the one we had just been assigned. There was a large stage there for the concert, the day's main event. In addition, there were stalls selling all sorts of goods.

 

"Do you really miss him?" Ikkyu asked.

 

"Yeah, I'm worried too. He hasn't replied to any of my messages, and I'm afraid calling him will bother him."

 

Initially, P’Hill said I could call him, but I knew Johan wouldn't have time to answer. No matter how much we talked, I didn't dare call. He wouldn't be back for another week. Just one more week.

 

"So he won't be able to make it to the Gear event, huh? Usually, people go there with their significant others, poor North," Ikkyu said, looking at me with a sympathetic expression.

 

"Idiot."

 

"I feel sorry for you, you're like a stray dog ​​now, with your ears drooping and your tail tucked between your legs," Duean Nao said, raising his hand to affectionately stroke my head. Why do people like to stroke my head so much?

 

"Yeah."

 

"North, in this case, you should just make the call."

 

No, he's busy.

 

"It was two whole weeks, it was terrible."

 

"Aaaaa, it hurts even more than that." I think the hardest time of my life was the two weeks before I went to RATC camp. But it still hurts just as much now.

 

"I understand the feeling of missing someone but being unable to do anything about it," Duean Nao said. "You worry about him like he's your pet, don't you? Worried about whether he's eating enough, whether he's comfortable, whether he's cold, even though you're thousands of kilometres apart."

 

"Duean Nao," I called, then gently shook his hand.

 

"How so? I'm just saying what I know."

 

"Oh, so you live in Boston?"

 

"My brother lives there, I told you so!"

 

"Oh, right! So, how many hours is it from here to there?"

 

"Eleven hours, it's 6 a.m. over there right now."

 

“6 a.m.?” I repeated him, wondering if he was awake or still asleep. Don’t tell me he worked all night without sleep?

 

"So you're not his boyfriend yet?" Ikkyu asked, seemingly unable to believe what he was hearing. I nodded in reply, "Really? Why aren't you his boyfriend yet?"

 

"I don't know."

 

"North, what's wrong?"

 

"Why is that?"

 

"You look so sad."

 

"Actually..."

 

"Well, that's strange. Why aren't you his boyfriend yet? Or did you reject him?" Sket asked again.

 

"Not."

 

"He didn't say anything to you, did he?"

 

"Yeah."

 

"My friend can't take it anymore, Sket," Duean Nao said, about to burst out laughing, "That's what longing feels like to humans, I think he’s going to die."

 

"Should we take him to the doctor?"

 

"What kind of doctor?"

 

"Doctor Johan."

 

"I'm not kidding, guys," I said seriously, because I'd been teased all week. It happened all the time. "If it's not something funny, then don't say anything."

 

“Dr Johan? He’s from North?” Prim asked, her face showing disbelief at what she had just heard. “Really? Johan, the sophomore, the super handsome one?”

 

"He's not North's boyfriend, North just said so. But that's why North has been upset all week," Sket explained.

 

"Oh, so he's not your boyfriend? Have you two talked yet?" Prim asked again.

 

"I don't know," I answered honestly. Could I call someone to talk to? "Maybe."

 

“It wasn’t just to talk, but to make things clearer. I really don’t understand why you two haven’t started dating yet,” Sket said, shaking his head instead of answering. I don’t know either. So why is it a problem then? It’s definitely a matter of love.

 

“Isn’t Johan Grace from the dental department her boyfriend?” Prim asked. Those words made me frown again… again. Why are there so many rumours like this? I’d heard them since we first met, but after everything I’d seen, I thought he really wasn’t the type to be casually involved with other women anymore. But I wondered, what kind of relationships were those? The important thing is that everyone he's been involved with is very beautiful.

 

"Isn't she from the dental department? She's pretty, too," Ikkyu said. "Grace-san is very beautiful; I met her when I went to buy rice."

 

"I heard they're dating. But some people say they're not; it's still unclear. North, are you still talking to Johan?"

 

"Uh... um," I replied.

 

"It's hard to have a conversation with someone who's both handsome and has status, and is so well-liked," Prim said with a shy smile, looking at me. "But is he really serious about North? You have to be careful, we're worried about you."

 

"Yeah, thank you," I whispered. Why did those words sound so familiar?

 

“So he doesn’t want to be your boyfriend? Why?” Prim asked again. I shook my head, not answering. I was starting to get annoyed at being asked about this so often. “Sorry, but doesn’t North think he should take a step back? He didn’t ask you to be his boyfriend, did he? Maybe it’s because he already has too many beautiful girls around him.”

 

"Why would you say that to North?" Duean Nao interrupted, looking annoyed. As I said before, Duean Nao is the type who gets angry easily. If someone said that to his friend, it certainly wouldn't be pleasant. "Prim, did you come here to make North overthink?"

 

"No, I'm just saying what I think. The reason I'm being so blunt is that we're just friends, so relax. I think North is pretty easygoing, but he probably doesn't want… well, a serious relationship."

 

“…”

"Sorry, I didn't mean it that way. Are you angry?"

 

"No," I replied.

 

"Ah... Then I'm sorry. I'll go get ready now," Prim said, smiling gently, looking a little apologetic for having said those words.

 

"North, are you okay?"

 

"I'm fine. Why?"

 

"So why do you look so sad?" Duean Nao asked worriedly, "It's obvious Prim likes you, that's why she doesn't want you to have a boyfriend."

 

“…”

“North, why are you so quiet? Are you thinking about what Prim said? Don’t overthink it. He’s sincere with you; he wouldn’t be wearing your gear around his neck,” Duean Nao said, trying to comfort me.

 

"No, I wasn't thinking about what Prim said. But I was thinking about going to see Hill, maybe he'd spoken to Johan. Then I could ask him how things are over there. The midterm exam scores are out. Would it be okay if I went to see his grades?"

 

"Ah, I thought you'd overthink what other people say," Sket sighed softly.

 

"Of course not."

 

"Those who get paid 100 baht for one video are naturally reassured," Duean Nao joked, seemingly quite impressed by the story.

 

Over sixty thousand baht was transferred into the account. Then, news spread that someone had donated 200,000 bits to the channel, attracting even more viewers. Now, he has tens of thousands of followers. Duean Nao exchanged the 200,000 bits for nearly 80,000 baht and gave it all to me.

 

The person living with him certainly wouldn't be happy if so many people kept coming to flirt with Duean Nao like that.

 

"Really?" Ikkyu asked, frowning as if he couldn't believe what he'd just heard. "That's incredibly rich. Making a one-hour video earns them ten million yen."

 

"What? Ten million?" I repeated in surprise. Ten million... "Oh my God, that's more money than I can imagine. But he probably won't transfer it to me. Ten million is too much."

 

"He might do that; you should try it."

 

"Who would want to film for hours on end? What do you want me to say?" I said, even 20 seconds is too long for me to even know what to say. Looking at my phone screen, I saw it was time. "I'm leaving."

 

"Where are you going?"

 

"I'm going to meet Ter."

 

"What about the essay?"

 

"Staying here won't help," I said, then got up from the stone table. Afterwards, I went to look for Ter in the Medical Department; he said he was sitting with Hill and Tonfah at a table.

 

I arrived and sat at the stone table next to the Medical Department, where my dad was sitting. The two adults were writing something, and Ter was sitting opposite them, so I sat next to Ter.

 

“P’Hill, P’Tonfah, hello,” I greeted them. They both looked up and smiled at me, “Are you working?”

 

"You could probably call it that," P’Hill replied.

 

"So Athit still hasn't come back?" I asked because he initially said he'd only be gone for a few days. It's been a whole week, and he's still not back.

 

"Not yet, I don't know where he went either," P’Hill sighed softly. "I told you not to let him go."

 

"Why isn't he answering the phone?" Tonfah asked.

 

"No, sometimes there are no dual cameras."

 

"Is it really in Miami?"

 

"Hollow."

 

“P’Hill,” I called. He turned around immediately. “Just a quick question. Did you speak with Johan?”

 

"Oh, no, didn't Johan talk to you?" P’Hill asked, chuckling softly. Why was he so sweet? Compared to Johan, who always had such a forced smile, he was so different. Was he teasing me?

 

"Yes, sir." I nodded slightly.

 

"Then you call him."

 

"I didn't dare call, I was afraid of bothering him."

 

“No, you won’t bother him. Just call, if he’s busy he won’t answer,” P’Hill said, and I nodded to show I understood. But it was still six in the morning there, as Duean Nao had said, so I’d probably have to wait a little longer before calling.

 

"Oh, you can give this to North," Tonfah said, as if suddenly remembering something, and pulled a piece of paper from his bag. I took it in surprise. "Johan's midterm grades."

 

I looked at the paper in my hand. His test scores were really good. The scores were almost perfect in most subjects. There were a few blank spaces, but overall, the results were very impressive.

 

"Tonfah, what are those red marks here?" I asked, pointing to the red dots.

 

"Oh, he didn't pass."

 

“English? Johan, didn’t he pass his English class?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. It was hard to believe, because Johan was good at English, wasn’t he? Otherwise, how could he teach me? How could he work abroad?

 

"Yeah, because Johan never comes to class," Tonfah replied, then turned to the person sitting next to him, "Why doesn't he go to school, Hill?"

 

"Ah, it said it felt like being looked down upon."

 

"Being looked down upon?" I repeated, still not understanding.

 

"Sometimes he complains that all that knowledge is only for children and that he's in university, not elementary school."

Did you decide not to attend because you thought those lessons were too basic? Wait... what's going on? 😭 I want to understand everything so I can say the same thing as you.

 

“It’s okay. Johan is Johan. I understand he thinks it’s easy, but is it really necessary to skip classes? Where will he get the points if he doesn’t go to school?” Tonfah said, “He already got a 900 on the TOEIC; he can definitely get an A without doing anything.”

 

900 TOEIC points…

 

"Hill, call Thit back. I'm not sure I can wait any longer."

 

"Okay, alright." Hill agreed, then took out his phone and called P'Athit. As P'Tonfah had said, after a while, the other end seemed to have answered. P'Hill looked a little surprised, "He answered."

 

"Turn on speakerphone, my hands are busy."

 

(What?) Arthit's voice rang out after Hill switched on the speakerphone. There was a lot of noise around, as if they were in a place with a weak signal.

 

"Thit, there's something I need to take care of. Do you want me to send it over?" Tonfah asked.

 

(Just do whatever you want.)

"Where are you? Why is it so noisy?"

 

(Fah, I'm lost. I don't know where I am.)

"Lost? But?"

 

(YES.)

"Where are you?"

 

(São Paulo.)

 

Everyone was surprised by this answer. P’Hill and P’Tonfah looked at each other, standing still for a moment, not understanding what was happening.

 

"Sao Paulo? Brazil?"

(YES.)

 

"So why are you in Brazil? You initially said you were going to Miami."

 

(I landed in Boston, but it was too cold, so I decided to go to Brazil, where it's warmer, even very hot.)

 

Tonfah raised his hand to rub his temples, letting out a weary sigh.

 

"We're doing the work for you guys, man. I understand, Johan, he's working, but you, Thit, you ran away to Brazil again?" Tonfah asked, his voice filled with disappointment.

 

This certainly isn't the first time Arthit has done something like this. He's the type who doesn't care about anything, and did he have any ulterior motives when he decided to go to Brazil? It seems like nothing was planned beforehand; he just went. Did he decide to go to Brazil because it's cold in Boston, and he went there just to get the weather he wanted? That seems quite logical, but his personality is really strange.

 

I sat down, thought for a while, and then couldn't help but laugh. Since then, Johan has refused to learn English because he thinks it's too easy; I don't understand how they can be so chill.

 

(I was planning to go piranha fishing initially, but after seeing them, I realised I didn't have enough time; I had to hurry back.)

 

"You should have been thinking about going home a long time ago. And what about time for fishing? Are you okay?"

 

(I know, I need to hurry home because I'm almost out of money. Where's Johan?)

 

"He's in Boston, not like you."

 

(Please tell him to transfer the money to me. I don't have enough money to go back to Thailand.)

 

Athit's words made us laugh until our stomachs hurt. What was he talking about? How could he be so short of money that he had to ask Hill and Tonfah to relay a message for him? They seemed to have said enough and hung up.

 

“Then let’s call Johan. Maybe he’ll have some free time and can talk to North,” Hill said, then dialled Johan’s number. I still couldn’t stop laughing at Arthit. Could I please stop laughing for a moment?

 

(What?)

Johan answered the phone. Hearing his voice after such a long time, my heart involuntarily fluttered.

 

"Where are you?" P’Hill asked.

(In Boston? Are you crazy?)

 

"Let me tell you where Thit is."

(Meat? Where?)

 

"Where do you think he is?"

(He said he'd go to Miami after we parted ways at the airport.)

 

"It's in São Paulo."

(...)

 

(Sao Paulo? Brazil?)

"YES."

 

(So ​​why is it in Brazil?)

"Let's go piranha fishing."

(...)

 

There was a moment of silence, then laughter erupted from the other side.

 

(Go piranha fishing? What's he thinking? Why did he say he was going to Miami?)

 

"He said Boston was too cold, so he decided to go somewhere warmer."

(That's a huge exaggeration.)

 

"He told you to transfer money to him; he won't be able to return to Thailand, he's completely run out of money."

 

(If he doesn't have money, what will he do with his suitcase? Plane tickets are already so expensive.)

 

"I don't know, I just heard him say that."

(Okay, I'll transfer it to him.)

 

(Hill, how is my brother doing?)

 

Me?

Are you talking about me?

Johan also asked about me…

P’Hill looked at me for a moment, then continued his phone conversation with Johan.

 

"If you're worried, why don't you talk to him?"

(It's best to finish the work first.)

 

"Don't you want to talk to him?"

 

(Yes, but if I talked to him, I'd want to go home immediately. Just hearing his voice would make me want to drop everything and go home. That day, I almost pressed the button to book a flight back to Thailand.)

 

"He misses you."

(Really?)

 

"It seems you don't believe me."

(No, it's just that I thought he wouldn't miss me as much as I miss him, right?)

 

P’Hill turned to look at me and smiled slightly. I bit my lip to control the emotions welling up inside me; just hearing his voice had melted my heart. My heart was racing again.

 

(Hill, why are you so quiet?)

"Nothing."

 

(Okay, tell me your test score.)

 

I remember the physics test that Johan tutored me on; my results were terrible. Normally, I wouldn't worry too much, but I felt really guilty for bothering him to teach me. I was afraid of upsetting him, even though he tried his best to teach me thoroughly. When I got to the exam room, I memorised all the formulas, but it was all useless.

 

"Then…"

 

Don't overthink it, even though I know I didn't try hard enough...Suddenly, that feeling of being trapped in my chest surged up. I bit my lip and rested my forehead on the shoulder of the boy sitting next to me, as if I needed a place of refuge. Ter raised his hand and gently stroked my head. Nostalgia. I can feel it. I miss his voice. I miss his hugs, the feeling of his touch, I miss everything, especially the care and warmth I always received. P’Hill spoke with P’Johan for a while before hanging up. Ter didn't say anything. He just let me lean on him for a bit before allowing me to sit back down.

 

"I thought you were going to cry," Ter said.

 

"I'm not crying."

 

"You're making a face like you're about to cry. Oh, oh, you little dog," he said, reaching up to pat my head again, his eyes filled with affection. What's that? He really does like patting people on the head.

 

"I'm not a dog."

 

"You're actually just like a dog, North. Like a dog abandoned by its owner."

 

“You guys agreed to call me that, right?” I said, pouting and feigning annoyance, unsure if they were all using the same script. “How many more days until he’s back?” I turned to ask Hill and Tonfah.

 

"Well, maybe in about eight days. As planned," P’Hill replied.

 

"Sigh, there are still 8 days left." I sighed, thinking about the long wait until sports day. Since no one had ever made me think so much before, I felt incredibly miserable waiting. Honestly, I didn't like myself right now. I didn't know what to do, I really didn't know what to do at all.

 

“Johan wants to go home, too. Did you hear what he said?” P’Hill said. I smiled slightly, that’s all… We’ll see each other again soon.

 

When I see him, can I give him a hug?

Three days have passed…

 

Finally, the engineering department's equipment fair arrived. It was around 5 PM, and the concert was scheduled to start around 8 PM. The concert organisers had a variety of qualifications. And of course, it wasn't me; we were the ones in charge of the booths. Actually, it was decided by drawing lots, and I was the one who got the name. So, I had to do it—what a mess.”

 

"We're starting work now, North. Hurry up!"

 

“Yeah, I know, let’s do it quickly. I’m good at this, we’ll be fine,” I replied. Now I was sitting there squeezing lemons. Why sell beans and lemonade like this? Who came up with this idea? Honestly, I’ve been squeezing lemons until my hands are about to break! “Who came up with this? My hands hurt so much.”

 

“What are you complaining about, North? Look at me!” Duean Nao yelled from the other side. I immediately burst out laughing at his predicament. Duean Nao was sitting peeling a coconut, “Can’t you see the knife is about to stab my hand? What the hell is this? Why can’t I sell something more easily? Why coconut water?”

 

"Oh, the ladies at our branch offer natural drinks that are good for health and weight loss: coconut water, mung bean drink, lemon drink, okra, pandan leaf drink," Sket said while packing up his things. "That's why I have to go buy bubble tea at another counter."

 

"So why not just let the person who proposed it do it?" I said, my voice full of frustration. "I don't care about the natural juice. Someone should be here doing everything." The smell of lemon used to be pleasant to me, but now it's incredibly irritating.

 

"Oh, what's wrong? Don't want to sit and peel coconuts, do you? You should be grateful you don't have to go and get them. I bet you wouldn't want to go to the agricultural department to get coconuts anyway."

 

If I had to do that, I would cry.

 

“When I found out I had to get lemons, I secretly went to get them from behind the Faculty of Agriculture. It’s hard to describe the feeling, man, why is our faculty so poor?” I said.

 

"Duean Nao, be careful!" I yelled when I saw him holding the knife. It felt like a chill ran down my spine every time he was about to cut.

 

“Duean Nao.” I turned around when I heard my name called. It was Tiger, holding a bag of KFC food and placing it on the table. “I bought you lunch. How are you?”

 

"Thanks, how about you? My hand hurts so much. What do you sell?"

 

"Meatballs."

 

"That's a good idea, why not sell something simple like that?" Each stall needs to sell a variety of items because the event requires many booths. I saw the Tiger group selling meatballs, which sounds reasonable. Great, I could just buy pre-steamed meatballs and sell them. Unless I have to make them myself, that would be too much trouble.

 

"Are you guys selling water?" Tiger asked, raising an eyebrow. "Do you have to make it yourself?"

 

"The girls bought them," Duean Nao replied.

 

"Luckily, I didn't grow them myself," Tiger said.

 

"Growing them? That's all from the agricultural department; our job is just to steal them," I replied.

 

"Damn it, do you need my help?"

 

"Shiaaaa."

 

"Help North? He just has to squeeze the lemons."

 

"What's wrong? Look, my hands are all dry," I said, holding up my hands to show him. My hands really were dry; I'd never squeezed lemons to that extent before.

 

"Ah..." Tiger looked at my hand and burst out laughing, "I know you're in trouble, so do you want to quit?"

 

"Probably," I thought.

 

Suddenly, I caught a whiff of cigarette smoke; someone must have been smoking nearby. As Johan once said, every time I smell this, I think of him, something I truly miss. Johan tried to quit smoking, that's true, but sometimes he still smoked because he couldn't quit immediately. He also tried to cut back, but now, every time I smell this, I always think of him.

 

I miss you more now than I do. You make me miss you even more. And when I think about him, I remember… the times we kissed because I always smelled cigarette smoke.

Sigh...

 

"North."

 

"Huh!"

 

"You're daydreaming again," Duean Nao said. 

 

"You're always daydreaming, are you thinking about him again?"

 

"I don't want to remember... but I remember all the time," I replied with a sigh.

 

I went to wash my hands, discard the lemon peel, and get a bowl to pour the lemon juice onto the table. When I returned, I saw Tiger sitting with Duean Nao cutting coconuts. It was a strange sight. This cool guy from the engineering field is sitting here cutting coconuts for his wife.

 

Tiger was really impressive on the day of the competition. I also voted for him because I truly thought he was the best, whether it was answering questions, performing, or walking the catwalk.

 

"What are you thinking about?" Tiger asked.

 

"What do you think?" I replied.

 

"What were we talking about? Come sit here," Tiger said, so I went and sat next to him as he instructed. Duean Nao was sitting across from me; hopefully, he wouldn't think Tiger liked me again.

 

"When he said he missed you, what did you say?"

 

“I stayed silent and took a moment to organise my words. I wanted to tell him I missed him, that I wanted to see him, to talk to him, and to know what he was doing. Did he eat meals? Or was he just working? I was really worried. I really wanted him to be with me right now. What would it be like if we could see each other right away?”

 

"Is that all?" Tiger asked.

 

"Yeah, that's all. Why?"

 

"It's obvious you miss him a lot."

 

"There are many, but why are you asking?" I asked again. What's going on?

 

"Did you hear everything?"

 

"Huh?"

 

I looked at Tiger in confusion, then he suddenly took off his headphones and turned on speakerphone, allowing me to hear the other side.

 

(Yeah, I heard that.)

Johan!!

Damned!!!

 

“Brother…” I unintentionally called out to the person on the other end. Hearing his voice, my heart raced, and I felt even more embarrassed than before, thinking that Johan had heard everything. What are you doing, Tiger?

 

(You miss me that much?)

"Why... why are you... talking to Tiger?"

 

(Oh, there's a bit of work to be done with it.)

 

"Ah... yes." What should I do? What should I say? "Are you... Are you free?"

 

(Not now, I'm hanging up.)

 

"What's wrong with you? Why are you so irritable?" Tiger said, about to burst out laughing at my expression. Should I just get rid of him? I only wanted to talk a little more.

 

(I'm hanging up now.)

"Ah... Yes."

 

Then he hung up. We only managed to say a few words, and that made me miss him even more.

 

"So why didn't you tell me you were talking to Johan?"

 

"Why don't you tell him you miss him?"

 

"What?" I said, trying to hide my embarrassment. I had told him I missed him. But I'd never said everything like that. It's so embarrassing, isn't it? Besides, I said everything just now because I didn't know anything. How could I be crazy?

 

"Come on, just do it. Don't overthink it; he won't be surprised that you don't tell him. You'll only make him miss you more."

 

"Damn it," I said, my face clouded with sadness. I remembered what he'd said. Could my voice make him want to leave faster? Did he really want to get back together with me? Or was it just my imagination?

 

While I was still pondering, the engineering department's team began finalising the last details. People from both inside and outside the university continued to come to shop. Coconut water sales skyrocketed as more girls flocked to the area, knowing that the engineering department sold coconuts.

 

It started getting dark, and more and more people were coming. Most of them had come to wait for the concert, and the lights lit up all over the booth area. The atmosphere was really pleasant; I liked this warm lighting.

 

"Ger, those girls are asking for your line," Duean Nao whispered, approaching. Then, secretly pointing to a group of women standing next to the booth, "Those girls in white dresses."

 

I turned to look at them. They were beautiful, just as Duean Nao had said. Damn, I'm surrounded by beautiful and lovely people…Johan feels the same way.

 

"No," Tiger replied, then focused on peeling the coconut.

 

"I'm telling the truth, they're really pretty."

 

"Do you want me to leave?"

 

"Sorry," Duean Nao nodded and walked over to talk to the girl. The girl made a disappointed face before leaving with her group of friends.

He rejected everything because of Duean Nao.

 

"Oh, Duean Nao!" I shouted. "How was your game livestream?"

 

"Great job, great success. More and more people are following and donating. Thanks to that, I'm saving up money to go to Boston."

 

“And what about those people who used to donate to you? Are they still there? That couple?” I asked. It was time for me, as a member of the group, to take action. If I couldn’t ask Tiger, I’d ask Kan.

 

"Oh, they're still there. Almost always. Why?"

 

"Nothing, it's just that I think those two really like you. Especially the one named Kan, he donates a lot." My words made Tiger immediately look up.

 

Tiger, look, I'm giving you my full support!!!

 

"Ah..." Duean Nao hesitated, then smirked, 

 

"They probably enjoy watching me play games."

 

"No, they really like you. Otherwise, why would they spend so much money?" I said, knowing from the cold expression on his face. Duean Nao isn't as slow-witted as I am. Anyone who likes or approaches it will definitely notice, except for Tiger, who has never shown any unusual behaviour.

 

If that's the case, then it's clear that Duean Nao knows… but he’s pretending not to know. Because he doesn't like them. Just like I did with P’Than.

 

"Well... they just see me on screen, that's all. They probably wouldn't like me when they meet me in real life," Duean Nao said calmly, without much thought or sadness.

 

I honestly don't know where the relationship between Tiger and Duean Nao is going.

For Duean Nao, its relationship with Tiger will probably be similar to my relationship with Than. We're just normal friends, nothing to worry about. It only sees Tiger as a good friend.

 

But Tiger had his reasons. If the relationship had gone beyond friendship, who knows what would have happened? At that point, they might not be able to go back to being friends. Silently liking someone is really difficult, although I don't fully understand it because I've never experienced it myself.

 

But I'll still remain a member of this little boat, because nobody will like Duean Nao as much as Tiger does. Hopefully, one day they'll be together, or at least Tiger will get over this.

 

"So why do you think they wouldn't like you if they met you in real life?" I asked.

 

"I don't know, but I'm not a good person."

 

"Yeah, I agree with that."

 

"North, you're not comforting me at all," Duean Nao said, thinking I would say he was a good person.

 

"Hey, I don't want to lie, you really are a bad person. How could I possibly say you're a good person?" I said, following my train of thought, 

 

"Maybe some people like your personality, they don't necessarily like good people."

 

"Why am I in so much pain?" Duean Nao said, placing his hand on his chest with a pained expression. "I don't know if anyone will ever accept my bad habits anymore."

 

Duean Nao's bad habits here are being short-tempered, talkative, and irritable. Those are the only flaws I see, and I have those flaws too. He, the one who grumbles every day, even said that hitting his own leg gives him satisfaction. Like a cat's leg.

 

"So what if such a person really exists?"

 

"No, don't worry about it, let's get back to work. Go get the ice chest," Duean Nao said before telling me to go get the ice chest. It felt like he was hiring people to do it, but in reality, all the profits went into the department's pocket. Someone even told me I'd make a lot of money. But look, is there anyone else who squeezed lemons until their hands ached without getting a single baht as I did?

 

"This is exhausting," I grumbled, dropping the ice bucket to the ground. "How much are we going to earn doing this?"

 

"I saw on the group that the goal is 2,000," Sket said.

 

"Are you crazy? 25 baht for a glass of water? How long am I supposed to keep selling them?" Duean Nao complained. "The concert is about to start, and I want to go see it. I saw Wak performing already."

 

"I want to see it too."

 

I wondered if P’Wak would even need a microphone when he sang. His voice was amazing, I must say. Seeing that the concert was about to start, Duean Nao and I decided to go outside and take a look. Sket said two people would need to stay behind to mind the counter.

 

"North."

 

"Huh?" I turned around when I heard Tiger whisper, "I want to go to the concert with Duean Nao, meaning just the two of us.

 

"You can't treat me like this," I said, my voice full of anger. What the hell is going on? When I was in my room, I had to watch Ter and Hill being all lovey-dovey. Why am I being discriminated against here too? 😭 "It's really upsetting for people who don't have a boyfriend/girlfriend."

 

"It would be a bit boring if your husband wasn't here," Tiger said, raising an eyebrow and looking at me provocatively.

I'm really annoyed by it.

 

"If you get into a crowd, you'll be left behind."

 

"Oh my god, you're so mean to me," I muttered. "Okay, fine, then buy me something to eat as a bribe."

 

"I just bought you a lunchbox."

 

"Yeah, fine, that's the fate of being single," I grumbled.

 

"Single? You two aren't officially dating yet?"

 

Another person asked that question. At first, I didn't think much of it, but when people kept asking, I started to get annoyed. Maybe I should ask them back instead.

 

"Here's the thing, you just go into the concert, then slowly sneak out."

 

"But I went with everyone so I wouldn't be seen as going alone, and then they'd probably just leave me and go somewhere else." I think I have to accept the sacrifice of going to the concert alone. How far has this really gotten 😭?

 

The three of us walked into the concert area. The scene was spectacular; it was clear the seniors had invested a lot. The stage lighting combined with the surrounding scenery created a mesmerising atmosphere, and the crowd was incredibly large. The closer we got to the stage, the more people there were. Duean Nao wanted to push his way through to get a better look, so he went straight into the crowd. Tiger followed. And as for me…Okay, I guess I'll just stand here then, 😭

 

I chose a spot in the middle, not too close and not too far. This location was ideal because it wasn't crowded. Standing there, I watched the seniors perform on stage from afar. The music echoed throughout the space; that was enough for me.

 

I'm really envious of them and everyone else who can come to the concert with their loved one. Ter said he'll be going with Hill, and everywhere I look, there are couples. If Johan were here, I'd definitely ask him to come along. But would he like noisy places like this? He'd probably refuse, but if we go together, we can be together, so that would be wonderful.

 

I shook my head, trying to push those thoughts away. He still had five days before he returned, and just thinking about it made me feel strangely lonely. While I was intently watching the stage, I suddenly heard someone call my name. I turned around, but saw no one. Suddenly, a hand was placed on my shoulder, making me jump and turn my head around.

 

Johan!!

What's this...? Why are you here?

 

"Oh..." Before I could say anything, he stepped closer, placing one hand on the back of my neck. And then... his lips unexpectedly touched mine.

 

My eyes widened, and I stared around in astonishment. Those nearby turned to look, their eyes filled with disbelief. The noise from the surrounding crowd added to the chaos, but in that moment, I couldn't hear anything else.

 

I closed my eyes, as if telling myself that I didn't need to care about anyone anymore. His other hand tightened around my waist, strong and decisive. That familiar feeling, that familiar scent, pulled me back to warm memories. My heart pounded as if it were about to explode. He leaned closer, his warm breath brushing against my cheek. His lips pressed tightly against mine, deeper and more forceful. I felt a wave of heat wash over me, as if he wanted to affirm something, then he pulled away, leaving me stunned.

 

I was completely bewildered, unable to react. Hundreds of eyes were fixed on us, but all I could feel was my heart pounding intensely. My limbs felt frozen, and I didn't know what to do.

 

"What's wrong?" he asked, his gentle voice echoing before me. But I didn't dare look up at him. The man I missed so much, I cried every day, was standing right here, but I couldn't do anything.

 

"What's wrong? You remember me, don't you?"

 

Johan rested his chin on my head, his gaze distant. I looked up at his familiar face, the one that always lingered in my mind. But this time, he wasn't just a dream anymore. Johan maintained that same gaze, a faint smile playing on his lips.

 

"Older brother…"

 

Before I could say anything, Johan gently took my hand. He pulled me along, away from the concert stage. All the way, curious glances were directed at us, but he paid no attention. As for me, I just kept my head down, silently following behind.

 

"Let's get out of here."

Damned…

 

We walked to a luxurious car I'd never seen before. Not an Audi or a Jaguar like last time. He let go of my hand, opened the passenger door, and gestured for me to get in.

 

"Where…where are we going?"

 

"Let's go somewhere interesting," he replied, then got into the driver's seat. The car sped away from the concert area. Johan drove along deserted roads, heading towards a nearby mountain. The roadside was dark, with only a few dim lights, but not dangerous. I guessed he intended to take me to the observation deck on the mountain, which was open at night. And he was.

 

The car stopped at the observation deck. As soon as I got out, a cool breeze swept over me, making me feel much better. We walked a short distance to the fenced-off area. I sat down on a bench, and he sat down beside me.

 

With his height, he could certainly see the entire city below. As for me, this was my first time here. The city at night was dazzling with lights, so beautiful that I couldn't take my eyes off it. At this observation deck, the lighting was only dim, highlighting the shimmering lights of the city in the distance.

 

Above, the gentle moonlight shone down, and constellations twinkled in the clear sky. From this vantage point, the sky was completely different from what it looked like from the city—vast and strangely intimate.

 

"How do you feel?" Someone's voice rang out beside me.

 

"It's beautiful. Thank you for bringing me here," I replied, preparing to smile at the person opposite me. But then I thought, it's so dark, he probably won't be able to see me anyway.

 

"Didn't you say you wanted to come here?"

 

And then I suddenly remembered…

Yes, I just blurted it out at the time. I was scrolling through Instagram and saw some friends posting photos of this place at night. I told him while I was working, thinking he wouldn't pay attention.

 

"Thank you," I said, then added, "But why are you leaving so early? Weren't you supposed to be back in five days?"

 

"Because someone misses me," he replied, his eyes looking at me meaningfully. "That person said they miss me, want to see me, want to talk to me. If we could be together, it would be wonderful… Isn't that right?"

 

I silently thanked heaven and earth that the darkness concealed my blushing face. My heart began to pound violently again. I clasped my hands together, trying to remain calm. An indescribable feeling welled up inside me, overwhelming me and impossible to contain.

 

“Yes… If we could be together, it would definitely be wonderful.” I whispered, my voice choked with emotion. There was so much I wanted to say, but I didn’t know where to begin. What should I say next?

 

The silence fell over us both. Only the cool breeze offered a moment of relief amidst the awkward atmosphere. I was about to reach out and take his hand, but before I could, he took mine first. It was then that I noticed the gear-shaped bracelet I once gave him on Johan's left hand was still there. He never took it off. He's amazing...

 

His hands were always warm, and they were no exception. The slight warmth from his hands seemed to warm my heart.

 

"So, how are things in Boston?" I finally asked, "I bet you've been drinking coffee instead of eating meals, haven't you?"

 

"Oh no, you told me I had to eat, didn't you?" Johan replied calmly. Yes, I did tell him he needed to eat properly, not just rely on coffee anymore.

 

"That's good, I was so worried," I said, flashing a big smile.

 

Every time the person next to me says something like that, I feel embarrassed.

 

"I want to call you every day just to remind you to eat, but I'm afraid of bothering you. I keep thinking maybe I should stay where I am, but I worry that you don't think so."

 

I truly feel that way. I want to be with him every day, no matter the day. Good or bad, as long as he's there. But I don't know if he wants the same.

 

"Do you know about my job in Boston?"

 

"Yes?"

 

"It's not really that difficult. But every time I turn around, I don't see you. Everything becomes harder for me without you by my side. I mean… It's really good to have you there."

 

"So, can you stay with me forever?"

“…”

 

"Be my boyfriend."

“…”

 

After saying that, he gently kissed the back of my hand, a soft, warm touch. His words ignited a fire within me, making my heart feel like it was about to burst. I felt the warmth spreading to the corners of my eyes. It seemed as if all the emotions I had suppressed until now were suddenly pouring out.

 

"Yes," I whispered, my voice choked with emotion. Tears streamed down my cheeks; I didn't know where they came from. I bit my lip, trying to hold them back, but I couldn't stop the emotions.

 

I rushed to embrace him, as if wanting to make up for all the longing I had been harbouring for so long. I let my sobs grow louder, not caring about anything else around me.

 

“Yes, I agree… I agree,” I replied repeatedly, as if saying it just once wasn’t enough. Johan held me tightly, his hand gently stroking my hair.

 

"I know."

 

"You hateful person... Why did you do that? I missed you so much. You're such a cheat!" I said, tightening my embrace around him. I missed him so much, I missed this warmth, I missed his familiar scent.

 

"Why did you say you were busy? And then hang up? Do you know how much I wanted to talk to you? I was so eager to hear your voice."

 

"I know, but I was at the airport at the time."

 

"That's definitely cheating."

 

"Huh?"

 

"You made me addicted to this feeling, and then it disappeared. Do you know that Ter scolds me every night? Lately, he even makes me sleep on the floor."

 

"Are you still hugging Ter?"

 

"Yeah, it's all my older brother's fault."

 

"So I'll take responsibility, okay? I'll hug you every night."

 

"Um... okay."

 

I looked up at him, my lips slightly pouting, a hint of tears still lingering in my eyes. After a while, Johan slowly released his embrace, gently wiping away the tears still clinging to my cheeks. He did it so naturally, as if it were something he was always doing. I don't understand why I felt that way. But… I missed him. I really missed him. Despite trying to hold back, I still cried. I felt so weak and whiny.

 

"You're so fragile."

 

"Stop teasing me," I said, my voice full of resentment.

 

"Let's go," Johan replied, then led me back to the car. At first, I thought I'd only been sitting here for a short while. But when I looked at my watch, I realised I'd been here quite a bit. Maybe I really do like this place. This is where Johan asked me to be his boyfriend. Besides, the scenery here is truly beautiful. I am his lover…Now we are lovers. Really?

 

Oh, why does just thinking about it make me feel so embarrassed?

 

I got up and got into the car. Johan also got in, tapped something on his phone for a moment, then put it away and started the car. On the way home, I didn't dare say anything to the person sitting next to me. He didn't say anything either. 

 

Suddenly, my phone buzzed with a notification. It was a message from Ter.

 

Easter: Hey, hey, this isn't normal at all 😆 Congratulations!

North♣️ : Huh?

Easter: Oh, you two are officially dating now, right?

North♣️: How did you know?

Easter: Well, Johan just posted the picture.

Wait a moment.

: *Send photo*

Here, he posted this.

 

I clicked to see the photo Ter sent. It was a picture from Johan's Instagram. The most recent photo posted was a recent view from a viewpoint. It was just a beautiful cityscape and hadn't been edited into black-and-white. Perhaps this was the only photo on Johan's Instagram that wasn't black-and-white, with the caption ‘He said Yes'

 

I unconsciously smiled when I saw the photo. Should I post some pictures? Because I've taken photos of the scenery at that viewpoint before.

 

Finally, I decided to post the landscape photos I had taken. The two photos were similar because they were taken from the same angle. And I wrote, "A million times 'Yes' :)"

 

“So, how’s work in Boston?” I asked the person opposite me as I walked toward the apartment. In the end, I had to stay here again because I couldn’t refuse, and Johan said I had to move here no matter what.

 

"Okay." That's all Johan said before swiping his card to open the room door.

 

"Because the work finished quickly?" I asked again. There were so many things I really wanted to ask. The person opposite opened the door and walked in. I followed. As I sat down on the sofa, he pulled me onto his lap again, and before I could think any further, he kissed me again.

 

"Umm!" I gasped in surprise. Johan kissed me more intensely than before. A hot tongue moved and intertwined with mine. His hands tightened around my waist, pulling me closer, and I responded bravely to the touch, closing my eyes tightly, my heart beginning to tremble violently as if it were about to explode.

 

His hot hands began to caress my entire body, slowly pulling up my shirt. Immediately, I felt like butterflies were fluttering in my stomach. With just the light touch of his hands, my body went wild; I felt his warm breath mingling with mine. Johan used one hand to unbutton my shirt and the other to grab my pants.

 

“Mmm.” I moaned, though it wasn’t very audible because Johan was still kissing me. I raised both hands to his chest and clutched his shirt. Johan’s hands unbuttoned my shirt and caressed between my waist and stomach. Then he continued upwards until he touched the tops of my breasts, touching them so gently that it made me tremble.

 

"Brother... Ahh..."

 

Johan stopped kissing me and stared at me. The numbness in my stomach and the heat in my chest intensified as a hot touch pressed against my hip. My heart nearly burst…The other person came closer and whispered softly in my ear.

 

"My patience has run out."

 

!!!

 

“Ahhh…” Before my brain could process anything else, he bit hard into my neck, creating red marks once again. I winced in pain before he moved his hand down to my chest.

 

"Ah, ah... Johan, ah."

 

As the warm touch of his tongue caressed the upper part of my chest, I unconsciously clenched my fists. Instinctively arching my chest to receive those touches, he tightened his grip slightly, causing my entire body to contract. His other hand gripped my hip, and he slowly pulled my pants down. And what about the belt? I don't know when it was taken off…

 

Johan leaned in to kiss me again. Our tongues intertwined until I let out an embarrassed moan. He pressed harder in the kiss, and it became a familiar rhythm. I flinched when a large hand stroked my thigh back and forth because I was squatting on his lap. My current position wasn't very good. Too close… too close.

 

My pants zipper was slowly pulled down. Johan used his hand to grab my waistband and pull it down. I wanted to close my legs out of embarrassment, but I couldn't because of my sitting position. He used both hands to lift me up a little to make it easier to take off my pants. The pain in my groin increased to a point where it was almost unbearable.

 

"Ah, a... brother... ah..."

 

My heart pounded so hard it felt like it was going to jump out of my chest. No matter how hard I breathed, I felt like I was suffocating. Each time he kissed me, his breathing quickened. It showed he was losing control. I was surprised when a warm hand suddenly touched my erogenous zone. Using one finger, he gently pressed on the tip and used the rest of his fingers to caress the entire length.

 

"Ah..." I groaned too loudly.

 

Johan didn't give me a moment to breathe; he bit hard on both my upper and lower lips. Suddenly, he stopped kissing me and started licking my neck. It made me tremble and shiver. His hands began moving slowly and gently along my shaft, which drove me crazy; I wanted it faster.

 

"Faster, ah..." His other hand held my waist, caressing me all over. His hands began to move faster. It made my breathing quicken; I had never felt anything like it before. I gasped for air, my chest pounding, feeling as if all the strength in my body was being pumped out. I couldn't help but lean in and bury my face in his shoulder.

 

“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh………….”

 

"I... I don't... ah..."

 

"Uwmmmm…"

 

"N-no, ah-ah!"

 

As his hand moved up and down even faster, I was almost going crazy. I tried to clench my fists, but I still lacked the strength. I unconsciously moved my legs, twisting my waist forward and backwards in response to the touch I was receiving. A warm sensation spread from my stomach down to my lower body. I gasped harder as I neared climax.

 

"Brother... Um... Ah..."

 

"What do you need?"

 

"Ugh, I... I'm about to... Ah..."

 

I couldn't catch my breath as my heart pounded too fast. My whole body heated up, and Johan seemed even more pleased to see me nearing my limit. A warm breath caressed the back of my neck, and a deep voice whispered in my ear as if mocking me.

 

I started to feel myself losing strength, unable to control myself any longer, so I let my body go free. A milky white stain covered Johan's hand. While I was still leaning on his shoulder, I couldn't pull away anymore.

 

I had only been breathing for a few seconds, but I already felt something swelling up. I was even more surprised when that slender finger touched a small white spot.

 

"Ah!"

 

I pressed my lips together tightly as a slender finger slowly slipped inside me and his other hand tightened around my hip. I squeezed my eyes shut in fear.

 

It hurts… it hurts a lot.

 

"Does it hurt?" A gentle voice whispered. I didn't even dare look at him because I felt hot all over right now.

 

“Ah! Ah!” I quickly bit my lip when I accidentally screamed too loudly. As his long fingers moved in and out, the pain gradually turned into a tingling sensation. Seeing me trying to suppress my cries, his slender fingers went deeper, “Mmm.”

 

"Moan." Johan's fingers began moving in and out faster, and then another finger was added, making me moan louder than before. I winced in pain at a sensation I'd never experienced before, and the deep voice in my ear made my consciousness fade again.

 

Yes… I lost.

Completely defeated.

 

I slowly reached out my trembling hands to touch the zipper of Johan's pants, hesitating about what to do next. I kept my face buried in his shoulder, not even daring to look at him.

 

"Hurry up," he whispered. A feeling of emptiness and confusion overwhelmed me. The rhythm of his fingers quickened. Just as I realised my body had become accustomed to two fingers, he slowly added a third.

 

“More… it hurts! It hurts, it hurts.” I immediately screamed as I felt a sharp pain, but the other person still pushed three fingers in. I was in pain, I was in so much pain.

 

"Be patient."

 

"Otherwise, I won't be able to hold it in any longer."

 

“Ugh… ahhh.” I pressed my lips together tightly, but a sound still escaped from my throat. As I pulled down the other man’s zipper, my brain went blank, and consciousness faded, rendering my brain incapable of processing anything further. I reached out and gently touched Johan’s shaft. I was surprised by the size of what I was touching. One hand couldn't possibly grasp it all.

 

It swelled up again when I touched it. Then, I started moving my hand slowly and boldly. The other person's warm breath quickened as I moved my hand faster, but soon, three slender fingers withdrew. I unconsciously moved my hips as well.

 

Johan hugged me, making me lean back slightly. Before taking off his t-shirt to reveal his broad chest and beautiful muscles, flat stomach, and waist tattoo, he roughly ruffled his hair and licked his lips. It made me feel hot in the face of such perfection. Damned…Why is it like that?

 

“Ah!” I screamed in shock as I was suddenly lifted and placed on the sofa. Johan positioned my body, and my hips were raised. He sat behind me, and I felt him pressing in more and more until he was a little bit inside.

 

“Ah! Slow down, honey… it hurts, it hurts.” I thought as I felt the greatest pain of my life come crashing down on me. It hurt even more when he thrust three fingers in. Johan also winced slightly as he pushed himself all the way in.

 

"Ah, it's too tight."

 

"Ah!" I groaned. I squeezed my eyes shut because of the pain I felt when it was all the way in. I felt uncomfortable because of his size. I could feel it completely inside me.

 

"Ugh, relax a little." Johan lowered his voice, groaning slightly as he grasped my hips and moved up and down slowly.

 

“Brother… ahhhhhhhh…” The pain had turned into emotion. I looked at the other person with hazy eyes. Why is this man so cruel? I'm sure I'll go crazy for him someday.

 

"Ugh, ahhh... Johan..." I screamed at the other man again in desperation, unconsciously moving my hips up and down in rhythm with him. It became increasingly arousing until I heard the sound of flesh colliding. When he thrust into a spot inside me, I involuntarily cried louder than before. It felt like Johan knew exactly where I felt pleasure. So, he focused on that spot repeatedly.

 

"Again, ah! I… I can’t… I can’t bear it… Ugh…"

 

When the excitement reached its peak, I ejaculated more, and I also felt Johan ejaculate inside me.

 

“Ha…” I gasped, breathing heavily through my mouth and nose. Johan held my hips with his arm, then lifted me up without letting me rest, pulled down my pants, and put me on the bed.

Thump…

 

I sat on the bed while my hole continued to drip milky white fluid everywhere. When I lifted my head, I could clearly see Johan. That's a really great physique, abs and a tattoo on the waist…

 

Johan's mouth curved slightly into a mocking smile before he kissed me gently and then pressed harder. I didn't have time to prepare for anything else as Johan pressed my body down onto the bed. Sitting cross-legged on top of me and slowly separating my legs, his slender fingers inserted not very deeply before moving back and forth, causing a milky white fluid to spill out.

 

"Mmm, again..." His large shaft penetrated me again. I wanted to move, but he held me still by the waist. I could feel him going in and out slowly, then speeding up.

 

"Ah, ah, ah, brother... ah... ah..."

 

"Cough..." Johan gently bit his lip before turning to look at me. I gazed into those half-closed eyes that always made me feel mesmerised. I felt him penetrate so forcefully that I could hear the sound of flesh colliding, touching the exact spot that drove me crazy, countless times, my heart pounded so hard I feared it would explode.

 

I turned over beneath his body. I raised my hands to cover my face as the person above looked at me, but Johan grabbed both my hands and pulled them away. My whole body trembled just from the feeling of how tightly he was holding me. Why did I feel this way? Was I going crazy?

 

Before I could finish, he flipped me over again and penetrated me forcefully. Just a few thrusts and I reached orgasm, while the rest seemed far from over. Once again in this position, my emotions flared up. I tried to control my voice, but I couldn't; almost every time I inadvertently moaned louder, Johan would mark me all over as if he were marking me as his own property. My entire body was completely marked. 

 

Gradually, all the consciousness I had faded. I tried to cling to what little consciousness I had left. I gripped the bedsheets tightly with both hands, reaching my limit, and it nearly drove me insane. Before completely losing consciousness, I felt Johan's body gently contract and move inside me. His large body pulled in to embrace me.

 

…I still couldn't breathe normally. My eyes were blurry and ready to close at any moment. The heat of the person next to me made me want to run away even more than before. Johan covered our bodies with a blanket. A strong hand reached out and grasped mine, kissing it and wiping away my tears while whispering softly in my ear before my consciousness slowly faded, and I finally drifted off to sleep.

 

"I'm sorry for being so rough, but I really couldn't hold back any longer."