North: How much is your love?

Chapter 19: A Bad Liar.

[>> North <<]

“…”

 

I said nothing, letting the rain drown out everything, including my heartbeat, but I could still feel myself trembling intensely. The person beside me said nothing either. I took a deep breath before deciding to say something I'd been thinking for a long time.

 

"I will miss you."

“….”

 

My words made Johan turn around. I wondered what kind of expression he would have.

 

"I think it would be better if we were together."

 

"If you feel stressed, I'll be there for you."

 

Could this help alleviate his smoking addiction?

 

"I'm worried."

 

As I spoke these words, my heart raced. It was quite dark here, as the balcony had no lights and the curtains obscured the only light. I hoped the darkness could help conceal my awkward expression. I didn't even dare turn around to look at the person in front of me.

 

"What did I tell you?"

 

Johan's words made me turn around and look at him. He turned and smiled, the corners of his lips seemingly a little satisfied.

 

"What do you have to do if you want to ask for something?"

 

At the end of that sentence, I immediately understood what he meant and also knew that I couldn't run away or avoid it at this moment. My heart pounded, beating faster and faster.

 

I slowly walked closer to the person next to me and stopped, looking away without saying anything. I stood on tiptoe, raising myself so our faces were closer. Unconsciously, I closed my eyes, though I couldn't do anything more. One arm wrapped around me, pushing me up slightly before pressing his lips against mine. I could smell the faint scent of cigarette smoke from the person in front of me.

 

In an instant, I was trapped in his arms, slightly surprised until I opened my eyes. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the red glow of a dying cigarette. The hand holding the cigarette dropped it unintentionally before he lifted me in both arms and kissed my lips passionately.

 

"Ah!" I cried out in surprise as my feet were lifted off the ground. Johan looked at me, then placed me on a tall table used to store things. I realised there was also a table tall enough that my feet didn't touch the ground. This brought our eyes to the same level.

 

His lips pressed against mine, and the kiss intensified. Immediately, his warm tongue touched mine, moving back and forth. I returned the touch, closing my eyes and gripping his shirt tightly with both hands. One of his hands grasped and pressed against the back of my neck, as if feeling we weren't close enough.

 

I could hear the other people's conversation in the room. Knowing that there were other people very close to us, separated only by a glass door and curtains, made me nervous, but my mind was completely blank, and I couldn't give any commands to my thoughts. I could only let my heart pound wildly as if it were about to explode. A warm feeling spread through my chest. Johan grabbed my waist with both hands and pulled me closer.

 

"Mmm!" I involuntarily let out a sound as Johan pressed harder. His lips were pressed tightly against mine, and I felt my limbs go weak. I felt incredibly embarrassed as the warm breath of the person in front of me caressed my cheek and ear. That warmth made me even hotter, despite the rain outside and the cold air. I gasped for breath, and worse, I didn't understand the numb sensation spreading in my lower abdomen. What I did know was that my heart was about to burst from the warmth of the touch I felt. It seemed Johan wouldn't stop easily. The rhythm of the intense kiss lasted for almost ten minutes, or maybe longer.

 

No matter how fast I breathed, it felt like I couldn't regain my breath. I felt like I was suffocating and had to struggle to get him to stop. Johan reluctantly pulled away from the kiss, but his eyes remained fixed on my lips, unwilling to look away. Once again, I couldn't look directly into those eyes. I gasped for breath through my nose and mouth. And as usual, even though we had stopped kissing, the sensation lingered. The numb feeling on my lips and in my mouth remained, as if he were still kissing me. I pursed my lips slightly to dispel the numbness and secretly wiped them away when I felt my lips were too wet.

 

I was slightly surprised when Johan raised his hand and gently pressed his thumb to my lips. What made me feel more helpless than ever was the look in his eyes, as if he were judging me just by looking at me. We looked at each other like that for a while, through the sound of the rain and the dim light from inside, until he slowly leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on my lips. I closed my eyes and let my hands fall to my sides as his hands touched me.

 

Johan turned his hand towards me and took mine. He pressed his lips to my hand for a moment before letting go. Johan looked at me for a moment, neither of us saying anything. I stepped down from the table, he walked toward the balcony door, and I followed slowly after regaining my composure. When he returned to the room, I noticed that most eyes turned to look at us, except for Arthit and Hill, who didn't seem too interested. Ter, who was sitting next to Hill, looked at me then slightly shifted his gaze elsewhere.

 

Ter… how many times have I told you not to look at me like that? I feel more and more embarrassed 😭.

 

"Looks like someone's beyond help," Arthit joked, though he was still looking at his phone. Johan shrugged, feigning indifference before sitting back down in his seat.

 

"So, did you bring it?" Johan asked. I walked in and sat next to him because I didn't know where else to sit. I couldn't sit with Ter because he was with his boyfriend.

 

"What?"

 

"Nicotine chewing gum."

 

"Ah, yes," Arthit looked at me and replied, "Do you need it?"

 

"Yes." Johan's reply prompted Arthit to take out his bag and search for something. He pulled out a package and tossed it to Johan.

 

"Are you going to quit smoking?" Tonfah, who was sitting opposite Arthit, asked.

 

"Yeah, can you guys help?"

 

"Look at Thit, he smokes all the time but still smokes two or three cigarettes a day. The best way is to quit completely like Hill," Tonfah said.

 

"But it does help a little. Just try it, and you'll see," Athit said. "But anyway, are you planning to quit smoking?"

 

"Yes," Johan replied briefly before taking a candy from the box. Then he put it in his mouth. When he talked about nicotine gum, I thought it was like a disguised form of smoking. Johan intends to quit smoking because I asked him to earlier… I'm very happy about that. Up until now, he hasn't been able to quit smoking. But just the thought of him quitting is a good sign.

 

"This certainly wasn't your idea," Tonfah said, raising an eyebrow before looking at me.

 

"Yeah," Johan replied, chewing gum. He frowned, his face slightly contorted, "It tastes awful, really!"

 

“Chewing gum won’t help much. I told you it’s better to quit completely like Hill did,” Tonfah repeated. “The problem is, you’re even more addicted to cigarettes than Hill, so it’ll be harder for you to quit.”

 

"Well, Hill doesn't smoke like me either," Arthit said. "So, how does the candy taste?"

 

"This tastes awful," Johan said. "Nicotine obviously can't be chewed like this, but at least it helps a little with quitting."

 

"Yeah, this is another way to get nicotine. As long as you don't get lung cancer," Tonfah explained. "You should also cut back on work; you'll die sooner."

 

"Damned!"

 

"You know I'm telling the truth."

 

"Yeah, I'll die sooner."

 

"Okay, alright," Tonfah said wearily. After a while, Hill returned to his seat, signalling that our break was over. It was time to resume the lesson. So, I sat next to Ter again.

 

It's now past 11 p.m., almost midnight, and the doctors arrived for their class around 10 p.m. They read for an hour, then took a 15-minute break. Afterwards, I heard them say that there weren't many lessons left so that they might finish by 1 a.m. at the latest.

 

"North, did you really ask Johan to do that?" Ter asked as we sat together.

 

I'm in a semi-sitting, semi-lying position. My heart wants to rest, and I want to lie down, but I can't, because this is a suspended chair. I feel dizzy, increasingly dizzy.

 

"I'm not telling," I replied.

 

"Why are you scared? Are you worried?"

 

"No, I feel... I feel a little dizzy," I replied, based on my feeling.

 

Initially, I thought that even getting caught in the rain wouldn't make me catch a cold, but now I'm feeling a little unwell after being drenched for so long. Because that bastard,  Duean Nao, sneezed in my face, he gave me all the germs. 😭 I got sick because someone sneezed in my face!

 

"How do you feel now?"

 

"I feel dizzy, and maybe a little hungry."

 

“Huh? You don’t look very well. Your face is red, and your lips are too.” Ter said, “Hey, maybe your face is red, and your lips are red because…” He deliberately left the sentence unfinished and gave me a sarcastic smile.

 

"Don't tease me," I said, making a disgusted face.

 

"Tell Johan that you're feeling dizzy."

 

"No, I'm fine." I shook my head in refusal.

 

“Eh, North, I almost forgot. I remember now, I’m so touched.” The person seemed excited, as if they had just remembered something, “Do you use Instagram? I think, um, you should check it out yourself. Oh, I can’t take it anymore.”

 

“Instagram?” I asked again, while thinking, “I haven’t used it in a long time, but I have an account. Why?”

 

"Have you checked out Johan's Instagram yet?"

 

"No, I haven't seen it. Why?"

 

“Try to watch it. Damn, I’m blushing just thinking about it,” Ter said before turning away as if embarrassed, touching his face to lessen his shyness, “Here…”

 

“What is it? Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked before Ter told me Johan’s Instagram name. “What is it? Just show me, and you’ll be done.”

 

I clicked on his Instagram page. I'm not the type to post on social media; it's been a long time since I last posted. When I was with Ja Jam, I remember posting a lot because she said they were memories, so now, if I travel or eat something, I'll take pictures and post them. Ninety per cent of my Instagram space was taken up by photos of me, and the remaining ten per cent by random photos. After we broke up, I had to sit down and delete them. Eventually, only a few photos remained. Then, I deleted everything.

 

“This account is private,” I said, handing my phone screen to Ter. His profile picture was black-and-white. Moreover, it was so small I couldn’t tell what it was. Johan? There was almost nothing on his profile page. I think it’s because Johan is lazy. There were only 35 photos in total. I initially thought he would have more followers, but because this account is private, the number is limited. If the account were public, he would definitely have more followers.

 

“Oh? Okay, let me show you,” Ter said, tapping on his phone screen before handing it to me. “This is Johan’s latest Instagram photo.”

 

That's my photo. This is a picture of me standing with my back to the camera in Johan's kitchen. That was when I was cooking, right? My shirt is the same as the one I'm wearing now. Obviously, that photo was taken last night while I was cooking. So Johan was sitting at the table and took the picture of me from behind?

 

Because the photo is black-and-white, it's not very clear. It seems like he didn't intend to take that picture. Moreover, it was taken from behind, so it's hard to tell.

 

Why? I bowed my head and saw that the caption below the photo was just an emoji.

And that's the dog emoji. What!? Johan posted a picture of me!? With a dog emoji?

I?! Are you looking at me like I'm a dog? 😭

 

"Johan's little dog," Ter said with a sarcastic smile.

 

I looked at it with annoyance, but didn't reply. In my mind, I was still thinking about the picture displayed on my phone screen. Honestly, it was so embarrassing. But I feel happy. And I liked it too. The fact that he posted my photo speaks volumes. At least it shows that he dares to let others know I exist. And now there's the cigarette issue too.

 

Damn it, why can't you make me like you even more than this? Why are you treating me so well?

 

"You have such a sweet smile," Ter said, grinning.

 

"It's great that only your picture is there, the rest are all landscapes or something else," Ter said, handing me his phone to look at.

 

I picked up my phone and started looking at the photos. The most recent photo is mine. There's one of him holding a glass of wine that Ter once showed me. Um... one of him holding the glass of wine had the caption "Worried."

 

The date coincides with the time I secretly went to work at the bar and disappeared, not replying to your messages. Was it because I disappeared at that time that you were worried? I'm so glad you care about me, but I also feel guilty for lying to you back then.

 

Regarding the other photos, as Ter mentioned, they were landscape photos. Photos of various things, including landscapes. Some didn't look like they were taken in Thailand. But I don't know who he went with; there weren't even any photos of other people. My photo was the first one he posted.

 

"It's beautiful," I said, holding up my phone to show Ter. It was a photo taken from the corner of a cafe. Looking out, you could see a street and buildings that were so pretty, like an old city somewhere.

 

“Where is this? It looks beautiful, doesn’t it? It’s worth a visit,” Ter said, turning to look at his phone screen. “Does Johan travel abroad often?”

 

"Maybe." I think many of the photos look like they were taken in places like Boston, Miami, London, and Los Angeles, but he's been to more places.

 

"Oh, we were talking about travel," I said.

 

"Huh?"

 

“Where are you going for the holidays?” I asked, remembering what Johan had said. He asked me where I wanted to travel. But I wasn’t sure where I should go. If I wanted to go somewhere far away, I didn’t know if he would be angry.

 

“I’m going to Japan with Hill for the holidays. I’ve already told my family.” Ter said, 

 

“What? Are you going on a trip with Johan?”

 

"Wow, Japan." If it's your first time travelling abroad, Japan should be your first choice. "If you want, I can go with you so we can have a private date. Remember, I'm your second boyfriend, don't forget."

 

"You're always like that, but shouldn't you ask your owner's permission first, little dog?" Ter said, gently stroking my head and looking at me with loving eyes, as if I really were a dog. I returned his gaze and widened my eyes.

 

"I'll bite you."

 

"Wow... that's fierce, so you've admitted that you're a dog?"

 

"Um, so the holiday is after the semester exams are over, right?"

 

"Yeah, so you're really going on a trip?" Ter asked, raising an eyebrow.

 

"Yeah, he said he'd take me on a trip during the holidays and asked where I wanted to go." I really wanted to travel a lot. But if asked where to go first, it was hard to answer, 

 

"But maybe he has a lot of work to do, right? So wherever we go, I'll have to go along with his schedule, won't I?"

 

"I don't know, you two should talk to each other. Oh, North, are you hungry? I'm hungry."

 

"It's late, but you're usually hungry around this time." I think Ter is a big eater, especially when it comes to dessert. He said he needed to control his own diet first, but controlling a man's food intake is difficult. "There's a rule that says you shouldn't eat after 10 p.m."

 

"Afraid of getting fat?"

 

“I’m afraid of running out of money,” I said, sighing. “It’s hard to find food late at night. For example, if you wanted to eat Bua Loy (a Thai dessert) at 10 pm one day, who would sell it to you?”

 

I remember that miserable night when I was trying to find someone selling Bua Loy at 10 p.m. In the end, I bought some snacks from 7-Eleven to eat. P’Hill, how do you manage to take care of it like that?

 

"But we're in a cafe. There are plenty of food stalls downstairs. Let's find something to eat. Aren't you hungry?"

 

"Yeah, I'm hungry," I said, feeling hungry too. It's not good to be hungry, but I remembered I didn't have my wallet. "I don't have my wallet. If you treat me, I'll find something to eat."

 

"North, I can pay, but ask your owner first, little dog."

 

"I don't want to." I shook my head.

 

“Go wag your tail and stick your tongue out, your owner will surely reward you. If 

that’s not enough, you can take a twig and give it to him.” Ter said, trying to sound very serious, but it was really annoying. (Wait, I have to say, why does Ter talk like that?)

 

"Ter is crazy. I don't want to eat anything anymore."

 

"What a shame. But I really want to eat it, so go ask around quickly."

 

“…”

"Hurry up."

 

"Okay," I replied irritably.

 

Is that alright? I'll ask to buy something to eat; you might be hungry too. You've been sitting and reading for quite a while now. I decided to get up, walk over, and sit down in the empty chair next to him. Johan turned around and looked at me for a moment.

 

"Brother... I forgot my wallet."

 

"How much do you need?"

 

“Just a little bit. I’m just going down to buy something to eat.” I was a little surprised when Johan asked me how much money I needed. I mean, didn’t he think he’d ask something else? It was as if he knew right away that I was asking for money 😭. Johan didn't care; he just took out the money and gave it to me. I accepted the money before sending him my thanks.

 

"Would you like something to drink?" I asked.

 

"Americano, thank you," Johan said before returning to his book.

 

"Johan," Arthit called.

 

"What?"

 

"Where are the restrooms?"

 

"I don't know. Why are you asking me?"

 

"Aren't you the owner of the shop?"

 

"I don't know."

 

"What kind of boss are you?"

 

“My only responsibility is to sign and pay, that’s all,” Johan said. Unsurprisingly, he was exactly as Prang had described.

 

“It’s on the second floor, P’Arthit. Go down and turn left down the hallway.” As a bar employee, I know almost everything.

 

"Ah, I see," Arthit said before heading to the restroom. Ter and I also went down to buy something to eat. We each ordered a drink and a small dessert because they had run out of rice.

 

"Um, could you make your own americano?" I asked, remembering Johan's request. I thought it might not be very good because Arthit said it was too bitter, but maybe Johan liked that flavour, which is why he asked me to make it last time.

 

"Hmm, is that alright?" A staff member hesitated before turning to look at Ms Khim, 

 

"Can customers make their own coffee, Ms Khim?"

 

"Oh, Johan called?" Khim raised her eyebrows and said, "Come in."

 

"Working for the owner?" the employee said as she stood up, turning around shyly. "Hey, he's really handsome. I wonder if he likes Americano? If so, I'll practice making it every day."

 

"He's really handsome. How can someone be so handsome? He's over 1.8 meters tall and has a great physique, like a model."

 

"His friends are all handsome, too. I saw them when they walked by."

 

"They're all second-year medical students; they look familiar. I think I've seen them on that site before. I mean, the Cute Boy & Girl 2.0 site. After the first site went down, I was shocked, but the admin created a new one right away."

 

"Oh, that's great, I like it already. Why doesn't anyone create a page for his fan club? I'll be the first one to follow it. Everyone's heart will flutter just by seeing him. Aaaa. I want to be his girlfriend, and he'll be mine."

 

And so many other compliments followed, and I just smiled a mysterious and shy smile as I listened. While preparing the coffee, I wondered why they had to praise him so much. Johan must be used to compliments like this. But if it were me, if I received such praise, I would surely be floating on air.

 

I went upstairs with Ter, carrying snacks and a glass of water. I placed my americano on the table and returned to my corner to eat my snack. It was the middle of the night, almost 1 a.m. I was starting to feel anxious.

 

"Uh, North, you said you felt dizzy, and if you drink something cold, it'll only make it worse," Ter said, his face showing surprise as if he'd just remembered something.

 

"It's too late." I thought, " Why didn't it warn me sooner? I'd already had about half a glass. "Is it that serious? But I had half a glass, and I'm fine." I said, even though I was starting to feel unwell. Outside, the rain is falling harder and harder. Oh no, why do I suddenly feel so unwell?

 

"Okay. But, North, your face is too red."

 

"Really?"

 

Ter reached out and touched my forehead, but immediately pulled his hand back. Why did it feel like it had just touched boiling water? Was it really that hot? But I was starting to feel both hot and cold now.

 

"It's so hot, damn it, don't drink any more cold water. It's already too hot."

 

“Ah… just a little.” Before I could finish speaking, I coughed. My throat was itchy. 

 

“Cough, cough…” and then I coughed again as I tried to speak. Why was my throat so itchy? It felt even worse when I drank sweet, cold green tea.

 

"That's not good, go tell Johan."

 

"No, no, don't say it, he'll definitely scold me," I said anxiously. He'll definitely scold me 😭 I continued playing and confidently said that I wasn't sick.

 

"Oh, I think we probably won't need it anymore," Ter said, glancing behind me. It looks like someone is coming here.

 

"Why did you say you wouldn't catch a cold?"

 

Johan…

 

“…” I didn’t answer, only turned to look at the person kneeling beside me before a hand gently touched my face, his expression one of worry and discomfort.

 

"Is he sick?" Tonfah asked, looking towards us.

 

"Maybe," Johan said.

 

"Did you get caught in the rain?" Tonfah asked.

 

"No, it's probably because of your friend," I said. I'd never gotten sick from getting caught in the rain. I definitely had the flu.

 

"Take him to the hospital," P’Hill said.

 

"Hmm."

 

“I don’t want to.” I quickly interrupted when I heard the word ‘hospital’. I don’t want to go to the hospital 😭 “I’m fine. I don’t even need to go to the hospital.”

 

“…” Johan didn’t answer. I bowed my head and avoided the menacing gazes of those around me before Johan stood up and left. He took Tonfah’s woollen scarf and wrapped it around me, “I’ll be right back.”

 

"Okay, what are you planning to do?"

 

"Where is the nearest hospital?"

 

“I don’t want to go to the hospital,” I interrupted again. Not because I was afraid of doctors or hospitals, but because I only had a cold, and I didn’t even need to go. Besides, Johan had to finish his assignment. “I really don’t want to go; you just finish your work first.”

 

Johan didn't pay attention to what I said; he was about to pick me up, but I stepped back a little. That made him look even more annoyed than before.

 

"Brother, I don't want to go. I'm fine, it's just a cold, and I'll get better soon."

 

"North."

“…”

 

Johan whispered my name. He seemed impatient to hear me speak, and instead of just supporting me, he approached and lifted me. I gasped in surprise at being suddenly lifted from the chair. I struggled a little, but then started to feel dizzy.

 

"Hurry up, he's starting to get dizzy," Tonfah said.

 

"Okay." Johan picked me up and carried me to the car.

 

The images I was seeing were becoming increasingly blurry. I didn't understand why I felt so sleepy. I saw Tonfah also with us, carrying bags and putting things into the car.

 

“You can go to the hospital near my house. I’ll call them to let them know you’re coming and ask them to prepare a room for you,” Tonfah said as he opened the driver’s side door of the car so Johan could gently place me in the seat.

 

“Um, thanks, Fah,” Johan said before taking the bag from Tonfah and walking to the other side, tossing it to the back before starting the car. I could feel the car begin to move. The rain was still falling heavily. Actually, it was very cold in the car, so cold that I hugged myself even tighter and drifted off to sleep. Very cold…

 

I wasn't sure if I was awake or dreaming; it felt like I was half-awake, half-asleep. I slowly opened my eyes, seeing only dim light and everything blurry. From up high, I curled up under the thick blanket to keep warm, but I still felt cold and needed something warmer.

 

"It's so cold," I whispered. It seemed like someone was sitting beside me, resting their head against the headboard.

 

"You're using three blankets."

 

Is that Johan? Ah, it's so cold... I slowly moved towards the voice.

 

"What are you doing?" the man asked. His voice sounded slightly surprised as I moved closer. Why was his body so warm?

 

“…” Johan said nothing before using one hand to pull me towards him, the other holding something. After I got closer, he pulled me even closer. The scent was so pleasant. What was it? Why did this scent make me feel so comfortable? That person seemed a little helpless as I rubbed my nose against their neck. It was so warm and fragrant; I wanted to stay close to it for even longer.

 

"Mmm, hug me."

“…”

 

"Johan, please hug me."

"Damned…"

 

.

"Ugh." I woke up, and the first thing I felt was warmth; then I realised my head was throbbing. The images I saw were of a room that seemed quite familiar, with light from a bedside lamp amid the darkness. As I started to feel more awake, I realised I was lying with my back against his chest. Johan was there, sitting back against the bed, one arm around me while the other held a piece of paper.

 

“Excuse me, sir…” I called out softly, “Are you tired?” before moving slightly.

 

"No, what about you?" he asked. He was the one who should be tired; how long had I been in this position? "Why am I here? I mean, why am I lying like this?"

 

"You said you were cold," Johan said, making me raise my eyebrows in surprise. Did that mean I had sought him out myself?

 

"Excuse me, are you tired? Let me sit up first."

 

"It's okay, are you still cold?"

 

"Yes."

 

He held me tightly in his arms, and I really enjoyed it. Why is someone's embrace so warm? I feel so comfortable; no one has ever hugged me like this when I'm sick.

 

"Is this the syllabus for tomorrow's test?" I asked when I saw Johan reading the test paper. Besides not knowing much about it, I also didn't understand why the whole page was in English. Because I was so sick, he couldn't sit and study with my friends, and he went to the trouble of taking me to the hospital, staying by my side while I slept the whole time 😭.

 

"Hmm." That was his reply, his eyes still fixed on the paper despite the dim light from the only source of light. Why was he lying next to me? Was he afraid I wouldn't be able to sleep well? He could sit in a more comfortable spot to read in better light. Wouldn't he still be able to see me then?

 

"Could you please turn on the light?"

 

"Don't worry, just go to sleep," Johan said before hugging me tighter. I could still feel his warmth. Didn't he feel hot hugging me? I tried to close my eyes and sleep as he told me to, but I couldn't.

 

"What time is it?"

 

"Three hours."

 

"Oh, aren't you sleeping?"

 

"Just a little more."

 

"Do you usually read books in English?"

 

"Hmm."

 

"You said you'd take me to the hospital, didn't you?"

 

"I took you there, and the doctor said your condition isn't too serious," Johan replied.

 

“Ah… I’ve already talked to Ter about the trip, he said he’ll be going to Japan with Hill during the holidays,” I said, recalling. But then I remembered I shouldn’t say it now; Johan was reading and I shouldn’t disturb him.

 

"Do you want to go?"

 

"Yes, it would be really great to take a trip to Japan."

 

"Yeah, but I don't want to go with Hill. I've been to Japan many times already."

 

"But I can't think of anywhere to go," I said. "Usually, people who have never been abroad choose Japan. And I've never been abroad."

 

"Aurora Borealis."

 

"Yes?"

 

"Do you want to go there?"

 

“Aurora Borealis? Wow, I want to go there. Even just looking at the pictures, I know it’s beautiful. Are you going?” I asked happily. I wanted to go too. But it’s so far, and the cost of going would probably be quite high, wouldn’t it?

 

"Um, do you want to go?"

 

“I want to… but,” I said softly. Of course, I wanted to go. Who wouldn’t? But there were so many things to worry about, right?

 

"Yeah, we'll go after the semester ends."

 

"Where are you going?"

 

"Russia."

 

Russia!!

 

“Russia!?” I blurted out in surprise, then started coughing. I sat up in bed, worried that Johan might have caught a cold too. He offered me a glass of water, which I immediately took. “Thank you.” I said, "After drinking that water, I feel much better."

 

“Hmm, isn’t that too far? I don’t know if I’ll be allowed to go,” I said. “But if I ask, I’m sure Mom will let me go; otherwise, she wouldn’t have let me work part-time. But would she let me go abroad? I’ll have to ask first.”

 

"I'll ask for your help."

 

"Thank you," I said again. Johan put down the paper he was holding and pulled me onto his lap, looking at me. It felt like I was sitting on him. At that moment, I felt anxious as I heard the rain outside, because the balcony door next to the bedroom was slightly ajar. The dim light illuminated Johan's face.

 

"Why did you say you wouldn't get sick?" Johan asked in a calm voice that gave me goosebumps. His face was serene, but it was clear he was angry.

 

"Um... Actually, I didn't catch a cold from the rain. I caught it from Duean Nao," I said, feeling it was true.

 

Sitting like that, I felt increasingly strange. Heat spread from my chest to my stomach; my breath grew warm, and I didn't know if it was a fever making my body feel hot or why this sitting position made me look down.

 

"But you're sick, aren't you?"

 

“I’m sorry… um…” A strong hand pressed against the back of my neck, tightening in a passionate kiss. I unconsciously closed my eyes, my hands gripping Johan’s shirt. His other hand held me tightly, pressing my buttocks against him. The fever made my breath even hotter.

 

I responded to the touch boldly, my warm tongue touching his, intertwining as if wanting to feel him completely, my heart pounding faster and faster, as if about to explode, creating an empty feeling in my stomach. Johan took my hand and placed it on his neck when he realised that both my hands were growing weak.

 

"Ah!" I cried out in surprise and opened my eyes. As he raised his hand, he gently pressed it between my thighs. He moved closer, just touching me, but it sent a surge of sensation through my entire body. Johan's breathing quickened, his other warm hand lifting the large shirt I was wearing, wrapping around my waist, and slowly raising me. The burning sensation from his touch made me feel even hotter.