North: How much is your love?

Chapter 18: Always taste like you.

[>> North <<]

Johan let go of me after hugging and kissing me a few times, and I practically exploded under the gaze of so many people watching. They stared and glared at us so intensely that it felt like my face was burning. I just lowered my head and moved to sit next to Johan, unintentionally leaning slightly towards him. I couldn't do anything. I didn't dare lift my head for fear of making eye contact with the person watching us 😭.

 

"Ah, so cute," Fah said with an adorable expression.

 

"Don't disturb me," Johan said before coming closer and pulling me back as if trying to avoid something, and I lowered my head again towards the person sitting next to me. Wait…Will people see us like that?

 

When I realised that, I stepped back a little. But we still kept a close distance from each other. Arthit, who had stopped playing basketball, approached us. Although he had been playing for almost ten minutes, he didn't look tired at all.

 

"Hill said it's your turn now," Arthit said, then took off Johan's sports shirt.

 

"Why?"

 

"Because you're a member of this club."

 

"Then why don't you play in my place?"

 

"This is your club," Arthit said, returning the shirt to Johan.

 

Johan raised his eyebrows, a suspicious look on his face: "Don't just throw it over to me, why are you giving it back to me?"

 

"Are you planning to play without a shirt? What are you going to wear to practice? Take this."

 

"No, you idiot," Johan replied firmly, "I'll burn it."

 

"Yeah," Arthit muttered, frowning, "You gave it to me, and now you want to burn it?"

 

"Tell Hill I'm not going to lose."

 

"Damn it, you're doing it again."

 

“Johan, hurry up!” P’Hill yelled, sounding annoyed. He seemed busy selecting new students and talking to the faculty. P’Hill appeared to be juggling multiple tasks. This also served as a reminder to the faculty that he was back as student council president. The basketball club is packed with people now. I'm concerned this may just be the medical school team. Why are there so many people?

 

"I don't have a shirt!" Johan yelled. But Hill didn't bother to listen.

 

"What?"

 

"I said I don't have a shirt."

 

"Come here quickly."

 

"No, come over here."

 

"Stop making a fuss," Tonfah said, shaking his head slightly in displeasure. "Johan, don't mess with Hill anymore. Your shirt is clean, there's no sweat on it."

 

"So what? Let Thit finish playing first, then we'll see."

 

"So what if you ask?" P’Hill stepped closer, glaring at P’Johan as if they were about to argue. "It's your business, not anyone else's."

 

"Can you choose Meat?"

 

"Okay, so are you going to be involved in the selection process?" P’Hill asked.

 

"I don't really care about the freshman selection process either."

 

"You're such a nuisance, you're pushing too much of the work onto Thit," P’Hill said irritably. "Come help me, there are too many people, I'm tired."

 

He was drenched in sweat; it was clear he was very tired.

 

"I'm so tired, I haven't slept yet."

 

"It's none of my business!"

 

"Hey, you guys don't care about me at all," Johan complained. "I'm tired and want to rest. I almost died here." Johan grumbled irritably.

 

"You're such a chatterbox. Change your clothes quickly."

 

"What do I get for helping?"

 

"What do you get out of this? This is your job."

 

"Help me out in the lab." Johan raised an eyebrow, a slight smile playing on his lips, 

 

"Deal?"

 

“…” P’Hill didn’t answer, only frowned and moved closer to the other person, sighing, 

 

“Okay, deal, I’ll wait there.”

 

Then he left. The tracksuit suited him differently. Or maybe it was the person wearing it? He looked good in anything: from a tracksuit jacket and sweatpants to casual clothes.

 

"Okay, okay," Johan said, then stood up. He bent down to tie his shoelaces, took off his shirt, and put on the shirt Arthit had just returned. In just a moment, I heard a noise around the yard, similar to the one I'd heard when Arthit changed his shirt. I saw Johan take off his shirt, revealing his abs. They were really beautiful. Seeing that, I knew he must be someone who exercises regularly.

 

"If I had known I still had to play, I wouldn't have given you the shirt, Thit!" Johan said angrily, then walked onto the field.

 

"Is Johan's lab work finished? I see he's finished everything else; he said he'll finish it before going to Boston," Arthit said.

 

"Yeah, good. But he also asked Hill for help, so why does he always like to bother Hill?" Tonfah shook his head again, "I'm fed up with both of them."

 

I sat and watched Johan select first-year students on the field. Both men and women were selected, but only the women were actually chosen. When they approached Johan or Hill, the girls all laughed a lot.

 

I heard Tonfah and Arthit say the rain probably wouldn't stop anytime soon. Before I could think much about it, my phone started vibrating with notifications. Duean Nao called…I quickly pressed the answer button.

 

"What's going on?"

(North, you jerk, where are you?)

 

"I'm at the basketball practice room. Why are you calling me?"

 

(Damn it, my motorbike keys are with you. And why did you go there? To see a doctor? If you saw a doctor, say you did. Or are you trying to brag that your husband is a doctor? Damn it, how am I going to get home now? I'm soaking wet from the rain.)

 

"You know it's cold, why are you making such a fuss? You could have gone home with Khet." I searched my pockets for my keys and realised I still had Duean Nao's motorbike keys because I'd been the one riding it. But I forgot to return them to him. This forgetfulness is really unusual. I also forgot to pay my tuition recently 😭.

 

(What about my motorbike?)

"Leave it as it is."

 

(What if my motorbike gets stolen?)

"Buy a new one. You're rich."

 

(Of course, I'm rich, so rich I don't know what to do with all my money. But on what basis do you dare say I'm rich? Damn it, I'm so poor I almost had to fight with the dog for food in front of the dorm!)

 

Duean Nao's words made me laugh. Is he really that poor? It made me feel a little sorry for him.

 

"You're not rich? You can easily afford a new bike," I said.

 

(Go outside. You're at the gym, right?)

"What's wrong? You're here?"

 

(Yeah, I'll wait for the rain to stop and then borrow Sket's car to find you. Otherwise, I'll ask Tiger if he can give me a ride.)

 

"Wait for the rain to stop? What if it rains until tomorrow morning?"

 

(I'm going to sleep here. Damn, I'm so angry. I can't even practice anymore.)

 

I can picture Duean Nao's face; he's easily angered, completely different from his name. He always loses his temper so quickly.

 

"What about the others? Who are you staying with?"

 

(The football club is sheltering from the rain in a building.)

 

"Which building is that?"

 

(I don't know which building it was. It was at the end of the street, but I was soaked to the skin when I ran in. Oh, and my phone was almost out of battery.)

 

"Okay, if the rain stops, I'll call you to bring the keys."

 

(Okay, okay, goodbye.)

 

I turned around, and Arthit was gone. Only Tonfah was sitting nearby. At that moment, I thought I heard something about where Johan had gone, but I didn't know exactly where he had gone.

 

"Where is Arthit?" I asked.

 

"Oh, he went outside to smoke," Tonfah replied. I can understand. It's not surprising that he smokes; I've heard many people say that if they feel stressed, they smoke, and I think it helps relieve stress. Does this help? If so, should Johan smoke too?

 

"Does Johan smoke too?" I decided to ask. Tonfah seemed like someone you could ask anything and was easy to talk to. Unlike the others, he was very friendly.

 

“Oh, of course. Most of the group smoked a lot because of stress. But Hill quit smoking for his boyfriend,” Tonfah explained. “You don’t like smokers? That’s fine with Johan.”

 

"Oh, not exactly." I shook my head, "It's not that I don't like it."

 

Actually, I don't hate people who smoke. But if they smoke too much, I don't like it. Am I a strange person?

 

"But I think it would be good if he smoked less. If he continues like this, he probably won't live to be forty."

 

"Why is that?"

 

“Because he does all the things that people who die too soon usually do: smoke, overwork, study too much, don’t get enough rest, stress, and is addicted to coffee. Lately, I’ve seen his condition get very serious. He can’t sleep, no matter how tired he is; he can’t get any sleep.” P’Tonfah said calmly, as if I were listening to a doctor explaining the problem.

 

"Does he really look that bad?" I asked.

 

“Yeah, even though he looks fine on the outside, I can tell he’s not in a good mood. He’s definitely very stressed inside. He doesn’t show it when he’s with you. It’s like he’s trying to hold himself back. What do you think, North?” He asked with a worried expression, probably because he genuinely cared about this. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have asked.

 

I know Tonfah's family are all in the medical field. His father is the head of the medical department, and his mother is a psychologist. Therefore, Tonfah likely has many medical-related habits, such as always worrying about and caring for others.

 

“It sounds like… he’s always insecure. He’s irritable, stressed, and quiet. I notice he talks more when he’s with the guys.” I also find him quite annoying, but that doesn’t surprise me.

Sometimes, when I remind him or say something, he gets quite stubborn.

 

"Hmm." Tonfah's lips furrowed slightly, pausing for a moment as if deep in thought, "So I think it's only been like this recently."

 

"Why?" I asked.

 

“Well, it seems not everyone has a consistent attitude. When faced with significant stress, sometimes we don’t want to talk to anyone; we feel uncomfortable and irritable, and maybe Johan is, too. But he decided not to show it to us; no matter what, he still talks normally. But with you, he shows that he’s okay, understand?” Tonfah explained.

I nodded.

 

"When stressed, people usually don't want to talk much, but she chose to express herself to me like that, not trying to hide anything, pretending that everything is okay. Because many people do the opposite, they try to force themselves to show their emotions. But I think he’s okay, really okay. Even though his situation is actually quite bad."

 

"So, North, what do you think?" Tonfah asked, smiling slightly at me. I felt I understood what Tonfah had just explained.

 

“I think… Whatever his feelings, he acts that way. That’s all.” I replied, reflecting on my own thoughts. Those could be difficult times. But for me, he doesn’t need to prove that everything is okay, no matter how upset or angry he is; I would never force him to talk. It’s okay if things are bad. My answer made Tonfah's smile even brighter: 

 

"Ah, I understand. You mean it feels good to be with him, right?"

 

"Yes, it's good that you're the one by his side."

 

Tonfah's words reminded me of Prang, who had said the same thing.

 

"What do you mean by 'good'?"

 

"So many things."

 

I raised my eyebrows, looking at him with a puzzled expression. That meant I needed more explanation. Tonfah realised I didn't understand, and he continued, "Have you ever thought that when you're stressed, you might go and tell people that you're stressed?"

 

“…?” I tilted my head, wondering about what he had just said. Hmm… I hadn’t thought about this. “Um, I’ve never thought about that. I’m stressed, but some things make me happy.”

 

"Yes, that's the difference between him and me. I don't need to worry about so many things; I don't need to pretend that everything is okay. I live comfortably, and whatever I feel, I can express it naturally."

 

I didn't answer because I was thinking. If Tonfah is right, then there are indeed people who try to appear fine. Whether it's with friends, a lover, or family, there's definitely someone you don't need to force yourself to pretend to be okay around. Instead, you show that you're not okay, that you're stressed, frustrated, and angry, without worrying about whether they'll leave. Even when you feel bad, they're there, and they don't pressure you to say anything.

 

But when I think about it, Tonfah always seems to know and understand everything, doesn't he? Is this a special ability of medical students? Does he constantly monitor everyone? Or am I the only one who's easily read? Hill is often like that, too; when Ter speaks, his thoughts are often guessed.

 

Nearly ten minutes passed, and I continued talking to Tonfah. I asked about almost everything, including Johan's work and his studies. It was no different from what I had expected. Initially, medical school was very difficult; everyone knew that, but they couldn't imagine just how difficult it was. Johan returned to his seat, looking rather tired.

 

"Are you nearly dead?" Tonfah asked immediately.

 

"Something," Johan replied. "So what were you two talking about?"

 

"Nothing."

 

"What did you say?"

 

"That's none of your business, but I'll tell you later," Tonfah said. "You'll understand what I just said then."

 

"This."

 

"What?" Johan raised an eyebrow slightly. Before paying attention, he looked tired, but in reality, he wasn't tired at all.

 

"What is he doing here?" Tonfah asked, pointing towards Arthit, who was walking towards them.

 

"You won't die so easily. Have you finished your selection training?"

 

“Not yet, I’m resting, there are so many people. We need another day. Hill is talking to the coach already.” Johan said, looking over at Hill across the court, “Thit, are you going to Miami?” He asked as Arthit sat down.

 

"Yeah, do you want to go?"

 

"I have to go to Boston. Are you coming?"

 

"Sure."

 

"Why do you want to go? And why are you going to Miami?"

 

"I'm just going over there for a walk."

 

"You're so rich," Johan said sarcastically. "Go wherever you want, you have the money to travel."

 

"That's right," Arthit said, nodding and raising his eyebrows, "Of course you'll get rich doing what you do, Johan."

 

"Real?"

 

"You're going to ask Thit to do the work for you? No wonder he's rich," Tonfah said sarcastically, clearly annoyed.

 

"That's a good idea," Johan said, nodding.

 

"Tell me, how much will I get paid each month? I'm working my butt off for that wretched Johan," Arthit said with a dejected expression.

 

"You spend money like it's paper, you must be so rich." This phrase sounds familiar to me, as if I just heard it.

 

"So you really don't recognise me?"

 

“But are you really going to Boston without your gang?” Arthit asked, repeating what he had asked earlier, “What if you go and die in Boston and never come back to Thailand?”

 

"I already said no," Johan repeated, using the same words, "Let him focus on her studies first."

 

Although it's a bit sad, I agree. First, I have to focus on studying. For the next two weeks, I probably won't be able to return to my part-time job. That's right, I'm facing the risk of having to retake the course and dying 😭.

 

After a while, the basketball club disbanded. However, we still couldn't go anywhere because it was raining. Many people brought umbrellas or raincoats and gradually went home. Then, Hill came back and said he would pick Ter up at the art club…

 

The drawing club….

And yet I'm here...

That's sad.

Damn… I completely forgot.

 

During the first semester, Ter and I joined the art club and the soccer club, but only to meet university requirements. In the second semester, we dropped out of the soccer club. The soccer club had become a mandatory sports day club, but what about the art club? The most important thing is that Ter joined. I joined because Ter sparked my interest in drawing.

 

At first, I saw P’Hill quietly signing up for the art club. But the art club instructor wouldn't let the medical faculty join. He said that everyone had already studied enough and there was no need to join a club. Having a sports club was sufficient.

 

"Let's go," Tonfah said, taking out his umbrella. 

 

"Waiting for the rain to stop would take a long time."

 

"Okay, see you later."

 

“See you later,” Tonfah said and left. Only Johan and Arthit remained. From what I saw, they certainly didn’t have umbrellas, and the parking lot was quite far away. The motorbike might have been parked in front of the stadium because I saw Arthit speeding through the rain earlier.

 

"Are you coming home soon?" Johan asked, turning to Arthit.

 

"What? You want to take me home?"

 

"No, I was just asking."

 

“…”

 

"Anyway, driving in the rain isn't a big deal, right?"

 

“I can drive, but that’s not the point,” Johan said before looking at me. “We have to wait and see if Hill or Fah drive their cars.”

 

Johan, you came here on your motorcycle today? That shows the problem isn't driving in the rain, the problem is I have to ride my motorcycle with you today, and now it's raining 

😭

 

"Do you know which of them arrived by car?"

 

“I’m not sure, but you could try calling them.” 

 

Arthit’s reply prompted Johan to pick up the phone. It seemed he was going to call Tonfah, but I quickly objected.

 

"Um, no need to trouble you, Tonfah," I said. I'd already said that I wouldn't get sick even if I got caught in the rain, so it wouldn't be nice to bother someone to drive me home during rush hour. Everyone leaving work at six in the evening caused traffic jams both in front of and behind the university.

 

"Are you sure?" Johan turned to me and asked.

 

"Yes," I replied, readily nodding in response.

 

"Are you coming with me now, or should we wait until the rain stops?" Arthit asked.

 

"It would be better to wait for the rain to stop a bit."

 

"Normally, you'd still be speeding along even in a storm. But anyway, I'll go first. See you later."

 

“See you later,” Johan replied. Arthit waved briefly, then ran outside, got on his motorbike, and quickly left the parking lot. Now it's just me and Johan sitting together. However, there are still a few people in the practice room, very few, and also many people waiting outside.

 

"Did you come by motorbike today?" I asked, even though I already knew the answer.

 

"Hmm."

 

"What time did you go to sleep last night?"

 

"That…"

 

"What time did you wake up?" I kept asking, causing him to turn and look at me suspiciously. Why did I ask so many questions? 😭 Finally, Johan didn't say anything and only answered my question after a while.

 

"I wake up at nine o'clock because I have class."

 

"Okay, so what time do you go to sleep?"

 

"It's almost six o'clock in the morning."

 

"Do you have anything urgent to do today?"

 

"There's no rush."

 

"Uh..." I was silent for a moment, not knowing what else to say. I didn't turn to look at the person sitting next to me, so I didn't know what he was doing. It was raining heavily outside, and the weather was getting colder as night fell.

 

"Do you want to go home right away? It looks like it's getting dark."

 

"Okay, are you sure you won't catch a cold?"

 

"Absolutely." I nodded.

 

“Okay.” That’s all he said before standing up. I initially intended to take off my jacket and give it back to Johan because he’d be less likely to get wet in the rain if he wore a driving jacket, but Johan refused to take it off. We ran through the rain and got into the car. Although I had a little trouble getting out, we finally made it out of the gym area.

 

The road was a bit congested, but because he was on a motorbike, Johan could drive more slowly. He seemed cautious because the road could be slippery. Out of fear, I instinctively clung tightly to the person in front of me. Although he wasn't driving as fast as before, it still felt a bit too fast for me. The heavier the rain, the more frightened I became. Even though I was wearing a sweater, it wasn't enough to keep me dry. 

 

The rain was so heavy that I was completely soaked underneath. It was very cold, and the wind on the motorbike was even colder. Johan, without a jacket, must have been very cold too.

 

Finally, we stopped in front of the apartment building. At first, I thought he would take me back to my dorm, but on second thought, it probably wouldn't be convenient, as it would be troublesome to go around the dorm and then back to his apartment.

 

I looked like a puppy who had just fallen into the water, while Johan looked like a model in a rainy setting. He ran his hand through his wet hair, and he looked so cool that I felt jealous. We went inside the building and up to Johan's apartment. He switched on the light, walked over to grab a towel, and tossed it to me.

 

"Go take a shower." He threw me a clean set of clothes.

 

"Oh, you go ahead and shower first," I said. I thought Johan should shower first because he was the driver and was actually wetter than I was.

 

"Are you going to take a shower, or do you want to shower with me?"

 

"I'll take a shower first," I said, then hurried into the bathroom. After showering, I came out and sat on the sofa, waiting for him to finish.

 

"Have you had dinner yet?" I asked.

 

"No, why?"

 

“I’ll… I’ll make something for us to eat. I haven’t had dinner yet either.” I thought for a moment and remembered. The last time I looked in the refrigerator, I saw some fresh ingredients. Maybe someone in the house bought them, because I didn’t think Johan would buy fresh produce to store in the refrigerator. Regarding cooking, I actually know a little because my aunt has a restaurant and I often help her. But desserts? Forget it, look at the cake I made last time – it only got 2 out of 15 points.

 

"Okay."

 

After getting permission, I went into the kitchen, opened the refrigerator, and saw what I could cook.

 

"Is there anything special you'd like to eat?"

 

"Anything will do." Johan approached and leaned against the door, watching me. Then he helped me get the items from the high shelves that I couldn't reach. I nodded slightly in thanks, and he sat down at the table.

 

"I just found out you have your own company, Prang told me," I said. "That sounds cool," I said while preparing the cooking ingredients.

 

"What did she say to you?"

 

"She said your company is an electronics company. I mean, I already know, the professor often mentions your company, praises it a lot, and everyone in our group wants to work there."

 

"What about you?"

 

"Me?" I raised my eyebrows in surprise and unconsciously turned my back. "I'd like to, too, but I don't think I'd be able to get in."

 

"Why?"

 

"Because your company requires such high scores, even if I try my best, I still find it difficult to achieve them."

 

"Hmm." Johan didn't seem surprised. "If you don't get enough points, you won't be accepted for the internship. But it's best if you study hard; at least that way you'll have a chance to find a job elsewhere."

 

It's so sad. 😭 Even though it's a job I really want, if I don't get it, I'll probably be sad all night 😭

 

"Are you really stressed out with studying?" Johan asked, which surprised me a little.

 

"Yes, it's a little stressful for me."

 

"Yeah, it's really tense."

 

“What about your work? You’re going to Boston for two weeks to meet with clients, right?” I asked, continuing to prepare the meal. I thought I’d make something simple, like stir-fried cabbage and crispy fried meat. It shouldn’t be too difficult, right? Just rice and a few fried eggs would suffice, a decent and simple meal, as long as it doesn’t burn.

 

"Did Prang tell you?"

 

"Yeah, she told me everything. Now if she tells you any company secrets, you'll sell them off immediately."

 

"You idiot."

 

"Is that Prang?"

 

"That's you."

 

I laughed at his remark, although Johan didn't. Doesn't he have a sense of humour? A little later, I finished making the golden fried eggs and brought them to the table.

 

"What about rice?"

 

He's dead.

I forgot to cook rice… How could I forget rice!

 

"Have you forgotten?"

 

"Yes," I acknowledged softly. I went back to the kitchen, found the rice cooker, and the rice was in the bottom drawer. I arranged everything to cook rice.

 

"You're so forgetful," Johan said, resting his chin on his hand with a bored expression. "You forgot your wallet, forgot to pay your tuition and rent."

 

Oh no, I forgot Duean Nao's motorbike keys too. Suddenly, I noticed a call on my phone screen from Duean Nao. I guessed he was calling to ask for the motorcycle keys. I immediately answered and left the kitchen. There's nothing else to do but wait for the rice to cook.

 

(North, I'm at the gym. Why aren't you here?) Duean Nao yelled, sounding quite disappointed. I could still hear the rain on the other end of the line. So she braved the rain to come to the gym to see me?

 

"Duean Nao, I'm sorry. I had to leave, I'm really sorry. Please forgive me."

 

(I used to think your brain was full of wood chips, but now I know it's empty. You've forgotten everything.)

 

"Duean Nao, please don't scold me. I feel so guilty. If you scold me any more, I'll probably stab myself."

 

(...)

"I'm at Johan's apartment."

 

(Okay, you take my bike keys and go back to sleep with your husband. What about me?)

 

"Come and get them, I'll wait. Otherwise, you'll have to wait until tomorrow."

 

(Wait until tomorrow? My bike is still at school. Okay, I'll go there myself, so you don't have to. And why are you sending me pictures of whales now, you son of a bitch? I don't want to see any more pictures of whales or penguins!)

 

"Oh, you don't like whales?"

 

(Are you kidding me? Don't let me see you again, you devil.)

 

"Okay, I won't let you see. No need to take the bike keys anymore."

 

(You're such a jerk, North.)

 

"I'm scared, damn it. But why are you so angry?"

 

(Oh no, my bike is here.)

 

"Okay, let me know when you get there."

 

(Okay.) Duean Nao hung up. I had to suppress a small laugh in my throat.

 

Duean Nao is very upset, and I didn't mean to do that. Damn it, if I don't hurry back, it'll be dark soon. It's seven o'clock in the evening, and the rain still hasn't stopped.

 

"My friend will be here," I said, turning back to the kitchen. "He's just here to pick up something; I'll take it down to him."

 

I spoke to Johan first. He didn't say anything, just nodded slightly, focusing on his phone. I secretly glanced at it. What were those numbers? I couldn't see clearly. Johan seemed to notice me peeking and pulled me closer. What… Wait a minute!

 

"What are you looking at?" he asked, one arm around my waist, the other holding his phone.

 

"What is that?" I asked.

 

"Shares."

 

“Ah…” I said, a little bewildered. It wasn’t surprising that someone like Johan was involved in the stock market, but I was still surprised by its complexity. It was like something I couldn’t understand. “Actually, I don’t understand much of this. My friend explained it to me, but I still find it very confusing.”

 

"It's okay, you don't need to understand." I looked at his phone screen. I didn't understand anything. I pressed a button and tried to read it, but I couldn't make out anything. It was just numbers and English letters everywhere. Suddenly, the rice cooker beeped, so Johan let go of my waist.

 

I scooped the rice onto a plate and brought it to the table. We didn't say anything during the meal, as Johan seemed preoccupied with his stocks. When I finished eating, I washed the dishes, and then Duean Nao called me.

 

“I’m going downstairs to meet a friend for a bit,” I said, then went downstairs and saw Tiger riding his sleek black motorcycle with Duean Nao sitting behind him. I walked towards them, before they looked at me with extremely surprised expressions.

 

"How?" I asked.

 

"That's terrible," Tiger said.

 

“This is your husband’s stuff, right?” Duean Nao teased a little, then I handed him the keys. Both of them were soaking wet. “If you don’t show up for class tomorrow, I know why, North.”

 

"You idiot, what are you talking about? And did you come straight from the gym?"

 

"Well, whose fault is it? He looks like a dog."

 

"Oh, sorry. I'll buy you a drink tomorrow."

 

"I'll take care of it," Tiger said.

 

“Okay, I see you two were both caught in the rain together. Oh, but Duean Nao, why is your face so red? Are you sick?” I asked, stepping closer and reaching out to touch his forehead. He looked a little embarrassed before sneezing.

 

"Achoo!!"

 

"Duean Nao, you sneezed in my face, you jerk!" I scolded before stepping back. How could anyone sneeze in someone else's face like that?

 

"You have a cold," Tiger said, nodding slightly with a cold expression.

 

"Yeah, definitely a cold. It's this bastard North's fault."

 

"Hey, I didn't mean to. Don't worry, I'll take tomorrow off. Go home and rest, Ger, take good care of my friend." I said, then winked, "Or maybe you've already been taking good care of him before?"

 

"Okay, I'll take care of him. Do you have any other objections?" Tiger said in a threatening tone. It's true that all bad people are like this...

 

I said goodbye to both of them and went back upstairs. After a while of knocking, Johan opened the door. He still seemed preoccupied with stocks, then returned to sit on the sofa. He stood up and hugged me again, placing me on his lap as before, but this time I didn't complain, just a little surprised. He seemed still focused on the numbers on his phone screen. His other hand gently stroked my hair.

 

"Can I lean on you?" I asked softly.

 

"Hmm." Johan simply responded with a single word. I leaned back slightly, resting my back against his chest, hoping I wouldn't weigh him down. Of course, the heaviest thing right now was my heart. It was pounding so hard…But… This place is so warm.

 

It's raining outside, and the air is chilly. We got caught in the rain earlier, but being this close makes me feel warm. I'm starting to enjoy being with him like this. I don't know anymore...

 

I feel warm.

I feel safe.

I feel happy.

And I want to stay like this forever.

 

"Can I turn on the TV?" I asked because the whole room seemed too quiet, the only sound being the rain outside. If it were like that, I'd probably fall asleep.

 

"Okay," Johan replied simply. I grabbed the remote and turned on the TV, switching to the documentary channel because that was the most interesting thing I'd ever watched.

 

"Do you mind? Would you like me to turn down the volume?" I asked, wondering if playing the stock market required such concentration. Perhaps the TV was distracting him; would it bother him?

 

"It's okay, no need," Johan said, placing his phone on the sofa beside him and wrapping his other arm around me. He gently touched the back of my neck with his nose, swaying back and forth until I felt a tickling sensation in my hair. My heart, already pounding, now raced even more violently. Then he stopped and rested his chin on my shoulder.

 

"Are you tired?"

 

"YES…"

 

“…” I didn’t answer because I wasn’t sure what to say, but I gently took his hand that was wrapped around my waist. His hand was very warm. The size of his hand was also quite different from mine, although I think I have rather large hands.

 

"Is the job in Boston very hard?"

 

"It'll probably be harder than anything I've ever done," Johan whispered. He had to meet with important clients. It was sure to be stressful.

 

"Try your best," I spoke when I couldn't find any other words of encouragement.

 

“Don’t worry, it’ll be alright,” he whispered against my neck before tightening his embrace. I said nothing more. I don’t know what I was thinking, but it seemed like Johan, who was tired and stressed, was holding me as if I were his support. As if being with me would make everything better. Maybe I couldn’t help relieve his stress, but sometimes it’s good for him to get a little rest.

 

"Have you ever been to Boston?" I asked, breaking the silence that had enveloped the room for a while.

 

"I’ve been a few times."

 

"Is it beautiful? I've never been there before, in fact, I've never even left the country." I thought I should tell the truth.

 

"So, do you want to go?"

 

"I'd like to, but it might take a long time. Let me save up enough money first."

 

"Holiday."

 

"Huh?"

 

"I'll take you during the holidays. Do you want to go?"

 

"Um..." I hesitated a little when I was suddenly asked if I really wanted to go. I wasn't sure where I wanted to go. Before, I thought I wanted to go to many places. But when I thought about having to work and save money first, the idea of ​​travelling a lot was folded up and put away.

 

"I haven't thought of anything yet," I said.

 

"Well, think about it and then tell me."

 

"Thank you."

 

"Because?"

 

"Because you said you'd take me."

 

"You... thank me for everything?" Johan asked. The question confused me a little. Did I look like someone who didn't know how to respect others?

 

"That's what I was taught since I was little: if someone helps me or gives me something, I have to thank them, otherwise my mother will beat me."

 

"I've seen it before."

 

"What do you see?"

 

"Hmm..."

 

"Did you see my mother hit me?"

 

"YES."

 

"When did you see that?" I said, surprised. Oh, you've seen me get beaten by my mother? By the way, I still don't understand why you like me. And have we met before? I don't remember ever meeting you. I tried to remember where my mother had beaten me, but the thought brought tears to my eyes. My mother beat me everywhere she wanted: at the market, in the living room, at the arcade, at home.

 

"Um, sir, I want to ask you a question."

 

"YES."

 

“I wanted to ask… Um, why do you like me? Can you tell me?” I decided to ask. If I didn’t ask now, I’d forget again. When he said he liked me… It was hard to say. I felt so embarrassed.

 

"Are not."

 

“…”

Huh!

 

Just as I was about to continue speaking, the phone beside the sofa suddenly rang. Johan picked it up and stared at it expressionlessly. I turned to look at the screen. I realised it was a call from Hill. Johan sighed slightly before answering the call.

 

“I should have turned on Do Not Disturb mode,” Johan said, sounding slightly annoyed. Because we were so close, I could hear their voices. Hill also said something on the other end of the line.

 

(Why are you angry?)

"You're bothering me."

 

(I'm waiting for you to finish playing the stock market.)

 

"Okay, Hill, okay. So what's the matter?"

(Let's study in groups.)

 

"Shiaaa, what the hell are we supposed to study now?" Johan was even angrier than before, his voice echoing from the other end of the phone, "I'm still awake, you idiot. What the hell are you thinking, Hill?"

 

(I think you should study, the exams are coming up soon.)

 

"When?"

(Tomorrow.)

 

"It's really tight."

 

(At the café near your place. Around 9 PM. The café is open 24 hours, right?)

 

"Wait a minute, are you planning to read from 9 PM until tomorrow morning and then take the exam?"

 

(Thit wants to get ready for this exam.)

"What about you?"

 

(I couldn't avoid it, although I preferred spending time with Ter.)

 

"You're addicted to your boyfriend. You're such a jerk."

 

(I bet they're hugging.)

SHIAAAA!

 

"How about 3 o'clock? Or how about 4 o'clock?"

 

(Maybe.)

"How about 5 o'clock?"

 

(It's too late.)

"What about 1 AM?"

 

(Tomorrow morning would be fine too.)

"Okay, let's meet in front of the exam room."

 

"Okay, remember you have to study at 10 PM, I'm reminding you again. I don't think you'll forget, and I don't think you want to get an F."

 

"Yeah, I don't want to get an F at all."

 

(How can you expect to avoid getting an F with this level of work?)

 

"This level was eliminated before F even appeared."

 

Okay, I'm hanging up now. See you later.

"Goodbye."

 

So Johan hung up. Having to prepare for exams so early in the semester? Medical school is really tough. The exams here are different from those in other departments. Normal departments only have midterm, final, or general exams, depending on the instructor. But the Medical Department organises exams by subject group, meaning they're continuous. Anyone who doesn't study consistently will definitely fail.

 

I was startled a little when Johan suddenly lifted me and placed me on the bed. How could he lift me so easily? I think I'm quite heavy, but he lifted me as if I were a feather. Then he turned off the light and lay down beside me, still holding me as usual.

 

"Are you going to sleep now?"

 

"Set your alarm for 9:30 PM."

 

"Okay," I replied, then took out my phone and set an alarm for 9:30 PM as requested. With the heavy rain outside, the cool air, and the warm embrace, I drifted off to sleep without realising it.

 

The alarm clock woke me up. When I opened my eyes, I noticed the lights were still on in the room. Johan was standing around the table, tidying up. Then I got out of bed to get dressed. Surely he wouldn't leave me alone in the room, right? But it was still raining. It felt really scary 😭.

 

Once we had packed up, we went down to the basement and got into a luxury car, driving through the rain to a rather familiar cafe. Upon arrival, we discovered a new group of employees working there. Wait, why are there new employees? Could I even work here again?

 

Khim was the first to greet Johan and introduce the staff, telling them he was the owner. The two girls looked quite young, probably high school or university students like us. They seemed shy when they saw Johan, and when they learned he was the owner, they giggled even more shyly. When I went upstairs, I found everyone already seated. A table was set quite neatly, but the room was the same as before. Ter was there too, wearing an oversized shirt, apparently Hill's.

 

"Are you wearing your boyfriend's shirt too?" 

 

Athit asked with a slightly dejected expression. I sat down next to Ter in the corner of the room, on the hanging chair. Johan sat with the others. When I sat down, I felt a little dizzy, but I didn't mind.

 

I sat and talked with Ter for almost an hour in a tense atmosphere. In the room, the doctors were studying together, and although they looked stressed, everyone was very focused, as if they were concentrating entirely on the lesson. No one was distracted. When they had questions, they asked each other and checked their notes.

 

"Is it like this often?" I asked softly.

 

"It's not always like that, but during final exams, almost everyone turns into a zombie."

 

"Really?"

 

"Seriously, I'm not kidding."

 

"How often do doctors typically perform tests like this?"

 

"It happens quite often, several times during each term. They're pretty worried about Johan," Ter joked, even though we were whispering.

 

"I'm worried too."

 

"Uh, if you're serious, that's okay. I'm glad my ship is sailing well. Phoon and I were really worried about you," Ter said, looking very cheerful.

 

After almost an hour and a half, it was probably time to rest. Ter sat down with P’Hill immediately. But when I turned to look at Johan, I saw him going out onto the balcony.

 

"Do you smoke, Johan?" Tonfah asked.

 

"Yeah, the second one for today."

 

Johan stepped out onto the balcony to smoke. I decided to follow him. He seemed surprised to see me open the balcony door. I stepped inside and stood beside him.

 

"We'll go home in a little while."

 

"Okay," I said, since the balcony was so spacious, I wouldn't get wet. Johan looked at the rain in front of him and exhaled a puff of grey smoke.

 

"Do you smoke a lot?" I asked.

 

"Yeah, I like to smoke," he replied, raising the cigarette and lighting it. He took a puff and exhaled a cloud of smoke.

 

"How often do you smoke a cigarette?"

 

"You don't like it?"

 

"No," I shook my head slightly. "Actually, I don't like it. I both like and dislike it."

 

I always speak my mind when talking about cigarettes.

 

“…” Johan said nothing. He seemed to be waiting for me to continue.

 

“My father, who passed away, used to smoke a lot. I liked it because it reminded me of him. When I smelled cigarette smoke, I thought of him, a man who always had a bright, friendly smile, but always had a cigarette in his mouth.” I thought to myself, remembering the face of my deceased father.

 

It's a distant memory, but it remains deeply etched in my heart: the memory of a child and the smell of my father's cigarette smoke. When I feel lonely, I miss him terribly, and I want to cry.

 

"When did he pass away?"

 

"It's been a long time."

 

"Do you feel lonely when you miss him?"

 

“It’s so lonely. When I was little, I was very close to my father until he passed away, and that left me feeling empty. Even though he’s been gone for a long time, I still miss him a lot. But that’s exactly what I miss, and I hate it because it reminds me of him. But there’s nothing I can do about it; he’s gone.”

 

Johan said nothing, just looked at me and raised his hand. He gently lifted my face.

 

"So, when you smell cigarette smoke..."

 

“…”

"You can remember me."