North: How much is your love?
Chapter 12: How much is your love?
[>> North <<]
Painful.
It hurts again.
Why does it hurt this much?
"Ugh." I instinctively bit my lip as the pain spread throughout my abdomen. With this level of pain, it's unlikely there's any internal organ damage, right?
I struggled to open my eyes and saw the familiar white ceiling. It feels like I've been through this before. I’ve woken up at Johan's house again. I tried to sit up.
"Be careful, child."
I turned my head in the direction of the voice and saw a kind-looking woman helping me sit up. After a while, I was sitting leaning against the headboard; the wound hurt, but I could bear it. When I looked around, I didn't see anyone else in the room.
"The young master just went out a moment ago."
"Young master?"
"It's Johan."
"Ah... yes." I nodded, understanding that Johan had been here earlier.
"So, um... You are..."
"I'm Aunt Da, I take care of the young master and work with the housekeeper here. How are you feeling? Does the wound hurt a lot?" Aunt Da asked with a slightly worried expression.
"I'm fine."
"That's good then. The doctor said it's not too serious, just a superficial infection. Applying ointment and taking medicine will help it get better quickly."
"Thank you, sir," I said. "Was P’Da the one who looked after me?"
"Yes. I was watching you last night. The young master did too, but he just went out a moment ago."
"Ah... yes..."
Jo is staying to look after me too...?
His comment last night, "I told you not to come here," proves he knew from the beginning that I was secretly working here…
He knew I'd been lying, but there was no reproach. And he even came to help…It was the same last time…It's the same this time too…Why is he being so nice to me...?
"I'm so incredibly relieved that you've woken up."
“…”
"That's terrifying. Even though he's usually short-tempered, I've never seen him this angry before."
"So… did Jo say anything?"
“He didn’t say anything, but his expression was terrible. He looked worried, angry, and uneasy. When you started to regain consciousness, he immediately left the room even though he had been there almost all night.”
"When did I… start to regain consciousness?" I repeated, my voice filled with disbelief.
"Yes, Um, I guess he doesn't want to see me right now."
“…”
"I think he's so angry he doesn't want to see me, but he's also so worried he can't bring himself to leave."
"Yes"
Right now, all I feel is guilt. He was so worried about me, and yet I lied and caused him trouble. If Jo hadn't come to help last night, I don't even dare imagine what would have happened to me. It's incredibly naive to think, 'It's just a small thing, it'll be fine.'
My heart yearns to see Jo immediately, to apologise and thank him, but another part of me feels I don't dare to face him because he's sure to be very angry. And according to Aunt Da, it seems Jo doesn't want to see me right now either.
"I'm sorry, sir, have you seen my phone?" I asked when I remembered.
If I hadn't come back to my room last night, Ter would have been absolutely terrified. Oh, but my phone, Day took it, didn't he?
"Here," Aunt Da said, handing me the phone.
Oh, so my phone has been brought back. It doesn't look too battered, so it must have been dropped rather than thrown around like last time.
"Okay, let me go prepare some food," Aunt Da said, then left the room.
When I was finally alone, I quickly grabbed my phone and called Ter immediately.
(Hello) His voice sounds so cheerful.
"Ter..."
(What's up?)
"...Aren't you angry with me?"
(Angry about what? Although I'm a little angry because you left me.
)
"Huh? Are you angry?"
(Yeah, why? Nothing much.)
"What do you mean?"
(I'm angry. You left me to sleep with Jo last night! You said nothing was wrong, but you spent the night with him without telling me. I was shipping you two! My ship is sailing again!)
“…”
Ter doesn't know why...?
"Did Jo really tell you that?"
(Yeah~ At first, I was worried when I saw you were home later than usual, and I almost went looking for you. But Jo came and told me you were with him. Wow, you're not just any ordinary guy!)
“…”
(Oh… You’re completely silent?)
“…”
(North, are you still there?)
"You."
(YES?)
"I... I'm sorry."
(Sorry for nothing. I was just a little angry, it'll pass on its own~)
"That's not it."
(Oh, what's going on?)
"Sorry for not listening to you about the bar job while you were worried about me."
(...)
"I'm sorry for making you worry."
(North… Are you okay? Is something wrong? Can I come over?)
"It's okay, I'm fine."
(Are you sure? Who did anything to you? Is Jo still there?)
"No more."
(Wave…)
"Well... a lot has happened."
(Tell me about it. I have all day to listen.)
...
(That animal! That bastard! I have to kill him. How could he do that? He didn't dare do it alone, so he called his whole gang. How could such scum be near you? It's unbelievable... I only saw it on the news, and I never imagined someone close to me would encounter it!)
"Yeah, I think so too. I didn't think anyone was still in the cafe because I was busy looking for my phone... And you're not angry with me, are you?"
(Yes, I'm angry because you were careless, didn't take care of yourself, and didn't listen to others. But all of that was caused by that bastard, not your fault. You're the victim, you're not at fault, so stop blaming yourself. And as for that shop, just quit.)
"They've quit, who would still be working?"
(What about the bastard who hurt you? Have you reported him to the police yet?)
"I don't know about that."
(I'm sure Johan has handled it. Just hearing that Johan will take care of it makes me feel so relieved. Maybe it's because he handled everything for you last time. If he hadn't come to your rescue this time... I don't dare imagine what would have happened. You have to learn to take care of yourself. Remember to thank him and apologise for getting him into such trouble.)
"I didn't even have time to do anything before Jo left the room. Aunt Da said he left before I woke up, so I guess he didn't want to see me yet."
(What's up?)
"He must be angry. Aunt Da said Jo is really angry, so angry that even Aunt Da – who's taken care of him for all these years – has never seen him like that before."
(It's understandable to be angry.)
(But it's also because I was so worried about you that I got angry, right?)
(...)
"Damned…"
"You really are..."
(Are you embarrassed?)
"Yeah, hearing you say that makes me feel really guilty. Jo knew from the beginning that I was secretly working there, and he still..."
(You know, but you're pretending not to know, huh?)
"Probably."
(And yet they still worry about you, even having someone follow you.)
"Monitor?"
(That's probably it. Otherwise, how could he have arrived to save you in time? If you hadn't been in the shop, he might have arrived even faster. He might have been waiting for you outside since the shop was closing.)
“…”
"Why is he being so nice to me...?" I sighed.
(Jo is really good to you. He's been worried about you ever since you got drunk last time. Honestly, if he's gone to all this trouble and you still say it's nothing, then you're really cold-hearted.)
"I didn't say there was anything wrong..."
"I told you so. I'm not a complicated person. Honestly, who wouldn't like someone who treats them this well?"
(You've opened up, right?)
"Um... It's open."
(Really?)
"Hmm."
(Oh my god, I'm so embarrassed! My boat, huhu, get out of the way of those rowing boats! My boat is a yacht, so I'll sink all the others! What about fans or fan clubs? I'll make a huge banner with North and Jo's pictures and stick it in front of the school gate! Let's see whose boat is bigger!)
"I don't have a picture of myself with Jo."
(Well, of course it's photo manipulation!)
"Ter, calm down."
(I can't stay calm anymore! You're about to get a boyfriend, so hot pot, BBQ, bingsu, shabu-shabu, choose whatever you want!)
"Are you planning to treat us?"
(Oh well, if your boyfriend is rich, let him treat you.)
"What boyfriend? I told you to calm down!"
(Huh? You said you liked Jo, didn't you?)
"But it hasn't gotten that bad yet. You need to calm down first."
(Why not just get to know each other already?)
"What's the rush? I told you I'm starting to open up. If he keeps treating me this well, he'll probably win me over eventually... Yeah, enough already, I feel so narcissistic just talking about it. If he ends up saying he doesn't have any feelings for me, that would be amazing."
(You didn't mean to go to this extent? Wow, you must have a lot of free time. And he even stopped talking to other people.)
"Okay, okay, let's stop talking about this." I quickly told the other guy to stop. Initially, I was being honest when I said I wasn't thinking about Jo. But now… I admit it, I'm thinking about him. And I'm embarrassed to even say it out loud.
(Okay. Honestly, I've never seen you embarrassed by anyone before. So many people have pursued you, and you haven't felt anything; only Jo is the first to make you feel this way. Go talk to him quickly, sneak over to him with that puppy dog face.)
"What kind of puppy face is that...?"
(The puppy must be very sad.)
"Well... but Johan doesn't want to see me right now."
(Then go apologise. He got up early and went out because he didn't want to see your face yet. He was afraid he might get angry and punch you.)
“He’s going to punch me? How violent!"
(Just kidding, he wouldn't do it. It's up to you; you can wait until he calms down before you go.)
"No, I don't want to wait any longer. It's better if I ask Aunt Da to let me go see him right away."
(I don't know if I'm imagining things, but I think you really care about him.)
"Of course I care, what kind of person do you think I am?" I asked, frowning slightly. I'm not heartless, I just choose to care about the right people. And because Johan is good to me, I'll be good to him in return, that's all.
(Are you not scared anymore?)
"I'm scared. But, I don't know... I just want to go see him right now."
(Okay, well done, North. Let me know if you survive and come back.)
"Don't curse like that... Okay, see you later."
(Okay, bye.)
"Bye."
I hung up the phone and breathed a sigh of relief. Talking to Ter made me feel much less stressed. A little while later, Aunt Da brought me a tray of food.
"Aunt, I... I'd like to bother you for a moment, I'd like to see Johan," I said, causing the old woman to frown slightly in surprise.
"Well... I don't think you should. No one should see the young master when he's angry like this."
"Oh, really?" I said, my face slightly downcast.
"Normally, everyone in the house avoids interacting with him when he's in a bad mood. Especially now… having to look after the child with him last night was incredibly stressful for me. The atmosphere in the room was so tense I almost got a headache."
"It's alright, I want to talk to him. Where is Jo, sir?"
"Uh... probably in that room."
"Could you please show me the way, sir?"
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
After talking for a while, it became clear that Aunt Da didn't want me to go looking for Johan at all, and she seemed genuinely worried. That kind of warning completely extinguished the courage I had just mustered.
I stood in front of the door to the room – the only room on the top floor of the house. Aunt Da said that Johan stayed there because he didn't like being disturbed. I took a deep breath, gathered my courage, and knocked.
"Jo," I called.
“...”
There was no reply.
"Hey, I want to talk for a bit." I tried knocking again, but there was still no response.
"Do you have a spare key, sir?" I turned to ask Aunt ’Da, but she just shook her head slightly.
"The young master doesn't allow making spare keys."
“...”
“Johan…” I let out a deep sigh. If he were in the room, he could at least say something, couldn't he? Or maybe he went out?
“Are you in there?” I kept knocking on the door, calling his name, and then waited for a long time…
"Aunt Da!"
Jo's voice rang out from behind the door. Hearing it, Aunt Da immediately hurried over.
"Yes."
"Could you please take him back to his room for me?"
"Let's go, child, the young master has already given instructions," Aunt Da said, looking rather uncomfortable, then reached out and gently pulled me by the hand.
"Jo, I'm sorry... I know you're angry, but... could I talk to you for a moment?"
“…”
"Please, just talk to me for a little while."
I don't understand why I was so stubborn either, and it was obvious from his voice how angry he was. Aunt Da sighed, letting go of my hand, probably because she saw me standing still and refusing to leave.
“…”
"This silence might be even worse than arguing. I know I was wrong, and I feel very guilty."
"If you don't want to say anything... I'll just wait here."
"Jo… please, just listen to me for a moment."
"Go home."
"Older brother…"
"If I saw your face right now… I'm not sure I could control myself."
“…”
"Do you think you can handle it?"
"Please, open the door for me."
I heard his voice very close, and then, shortly after, the door opened. I was pulled inside so unexpectedly that I didn't have time to react, and the door slammed shut behind me. The room was pitch black, and before I could figure out what was happening…
"Um..." I was gently pushed against the wall. Although I couldn't see his face clearly because it was too dark, I knew for sure that the person in front of me was Jo. I looked up at him, confused, and he leaned closer.
"I warned you."
His voice was a whisper, like the wind. I unconsciously closed my eyes as I felt him getting closer… Until I felt his lips touch mine. Everything happened so quickly that I could only stand still and take it all in. Shortly after, he let go of me.
"Are you sure... you're not going to stop me?"
I didn't answer. My heart was pounding like it hadn't in a long time. My eyes adjusted to the darkness, and for the first time, I could see him so close…Those eyes…So beautiful…
“Uh…” I unconsciously let out a soft sound again as Jo leaned down once more. This time the kiss was much more intense, powerful and full of emotion. I felt pain in my lips, so I instinctively clutched his shirt tightly. He only let go when I started to have trouble breathing.
"Ugh..." I tried to push him away, but I had no strength at all. He reached his other hand behind my head, pressing me even closer. My heart was pounding as if it were about to explode, I felt like all my strength had been drained away, and my legs felt like they were about to give way. I punched him in the chest as hard as I could to make him stop.
“Ugh…” I tried to push him away again, but it was useless. The suffocating feeling made me panic. Finally, he slowly pulled away from my lips. His eyes remained fixed on me, and that only drew me in even more…
"I told you so beforehand."
“…”
"If you thought you couldn't handle it… Then you shouldn't have gotten close to me in the first place."
I didn't know how to answer. My mind was racing, my breathing was erratic. My lips were still numb and burning, and when I pressed them together, there was a faint taste of blood in my mouth. Could it be… my lip is really torn?
"Brother... huh!?" Jo suddenly lifted me up and dropped me onto the bed. I was startled and tried to jump up, but he held me tightly.
"W-wait a minute!"
"What?"
"It should be me asking that question..."
Before I could say anything more, my hands were pinned to the bed. Another kiss followed – just as intense as the last. I could almost smell blood more distinctly, but he didn't seem to mind. Every gesture of his… was so powerful that I wanted to turn away, but I couldn't escape. He held my chin tightly with his hand when I tried to resist…
"Ugh... stop..."
I unconsciously squeezed my eyes shut out of fear. My breathing became erratic, my heart pounding as Jo briefly pulled away from my lips. But only for a fleeting moment, before he leaned down to kiss me again.
"Hmm..."
My whole body felt like it was on fire. The rhythm of the kiss and the contact lasted for almost ten minutes. Embarrassing sounds, the pounding of my heart in my chest, made me gasp for breath even though his lips never left mine. His hot breath fanned my cheek and ear…Not gentle at all.
Only the first kiss is gentle. I struggled to break free from the person holding me. I don't know why Jo was so strong, and it was clear he wasn't going to let me go easily.
"That's enough... um..."
Before I could say anything more, he pressed his lips against mine again, more forcefully. My other hand frantically pushed and punched to break free, but of course… it was all in vain. It's truly… terrifying.
It was a long time before he finally pulled away from my lips. I glared at Jo angrily, but after only a moment of meeting his eyes… I averted my gaze. Why are you looking at me like that…?
I pressed my lips together tightly to ward off the numb feeling, as if the kiss still lingered. Although I wanted to scream, I didn't know what to say. He had said he'd warned me, but I… I was the one who refused to leave. But…Who would have thought it would turn out like this…Again…Painful!
I flinched at the sharp pain in my neck. Jo bent down, leaving a mark on my skin before I could react. Then he looked up and stared at me.
"W-What are you planning to do now?"
"Just a hug."
He said that, then pulled me closer, sat me on his lap, and hugged me from behind. His arms squeezed so tightly that I could barely breathe.
"EH…"
I took a deep breath to calm myself. But before I could regain my composure, he pressed his nose against my neck and shoulder, gently touching them little by little.
"Older brother…"
"What?"
"What are you doing...?"
"We're not playing."
"So what's the point of doing this?"
"Do you even need to ask?"
“…”
"I like you."
That's all.
!!!
"What's wrong?"
"Brother... why are you being so blunt...?"
"I thought you already knew."
"Well, I was just guessing... but oh my god, let me prepare myself a little!"
I let out a small cry, which seemed to cheer Jo up.
"And… that kiss just now…"
I mumbled, lowering my head, my voice fading. Asking so directly was embarrassing… My heart was still pounding.
"I have to ask… why did you do that… aren't you afraid I'll be angry?"
"I'm not angry."
"How do you know?!"
"It's clear he's not angry."
Jo spoke while pressing his nose against my shoulder again. I flinched and tried to pull away, but he held me tightly.
"Sit still."
"Is that an order?"
"YES."
"I didn't follow the instructions."
I said so and tried to struggle free again, but that only made him hold me tighter.
"I told you not to be so stubborn anymore."
“...”
Suddenly, the whole room fell silent. All I could hear was my own heart pounding because I had never… been in a situation like this before. Jo didn't say anything more either; he just rested his forehead on my shoulder, not moving away.
I don't know why, but I have a feeling he's trying to control his emotions. As if… he doesn't want to hurt me anymore. I noticed his arms, which were wrapped around me, were still trembling, and his breathing was uneven, just like when I try to control my own anger.
But listen…
So you really don't want to use violence anymore?
My mouth is burning...
"Um... actually, I have something I want to tell you."
I broke the silence by speaking up. It seemed both Johan and I had calmed down a bit—at least my heart wasn't pounding wildly anymore.
"What?"
"I'm sorry... even though you told me not to go, I still secretly left."
"Yes, I know."
"You knew I was sneaking out, didn't you?"
"YES."
"Since when have you known about this...?"
"From day one."
"God…"
I sighed. I hid it so well, yet it was discovered from the very first day…
"So why aren't you angry that I lied?"
"I'm angry."
“…”
"But seeing how hard you're trying... I'll let you go."
"I'm sorry."
"YES."
"And… there’s something else that’s been worrying you. I also want to thank you… for coming to my rescue last night… Actually, I…"
I was about to say the part I'd intended to say from the beginning, but for some reason, it got stuck in my throat, and I couldn't utter it.
"I'm listening."
“Yes… P’Day… that guy named Day seems to have liked me before. I don’t know when he took my phone… until everyone had left, and then everything happened like this…”
"What did that guy do?"
"Um... well... I kissed you. Before that, I groped you a little."
"What do you mean by 'a little bit'?"
“...”
"Pulling my mouth, pinching my cheeks, stroking my head… But I’ve already said I don’t like it."
"What about a kiss?"
"Um... I find it disgusting."
"And what about our kiss?"
“…”
"It's not that bad... I don't feel terrible." I answered in a whisper after thinking it over.
Actually… I didn't feel disgusted; I felt just surprised and scared, and my mouth hurt. If you ask me how I truly felt… it wasn't bad, but I didn't exactly like it either. But if you ask if his kiss was wonderful… That's absolutely wonderful… Johan is a really good kisser…
"At first, I didn't intend to respond because… I didn't want to end up like him. But… you were the one who didn't stop me…"
"Ah... yes."
Is it my fault for not stopping them?
"What else did he do?"
"There's nothing else. Only his friend hit me in the stomach."
"Hmm."
“...”
"If I hadn't come, do you know what would have happened?"
Johan's voice suddenly dropped, startling me. The hoarse sound, so close to my ear, sent chills down my spine.
"I told you from the beginning, and you still lied."
"If I hadn't found out you were lying that day, and if no one else had been there last night..."
"Do you know what will happen?"
“…”
That's terrifying...
Why do I have goosebumps like this?
I sat frozen as Johan tightened his embrace, his hand gripping mine even more forcefully…
“…”
"I... didn't mean to…"
Before I could finish my sentence, he released his arms and pushed me back onto the bed. With him pinning me down like that, I had no way to avoid his gaze…
"You didn't intentionally lie, did you?"
“…”
"Didn't you refuse to answer the phone that day?"
"Older brother…" I called out softly, my voice trembling.
"Because I was afraid you'd be angry... You looked really scary that day... when you took me back to the dormitory."
I have to admit… that day was really scary, but it's nothing compared to now…
"You also refuse to tell me why you won't let me go to work anymore."
“…”
"Because I'm worried about you. You couldn't even figure that out?"
!!
So you're going to be that blunt...!?
"Uh... it's..."
I don't know what to say next because I'm completely confused. How did Johan suddenly become like this? I'm doomed. What do I do? I've never seen him like this before. Enough already, if my heart beats any faster, it'll jump out of my chest!
"Go take a day off, all of you."
"Huh? Everyone's on holiday?"
"YES."
"Older brother…"
I whispered. I could understand if they asked me to stop at the bar, but no way would I agree to stop at the other two places too! Those places aren't dangerous at all!
"So… would it be okay if we just rested at the bar?"
"Impossible."
"But I still have to work at those two places too..."
I started arguing back, and it only seemed to make him angrier.
"Why?"
“…”
"Because I still have to earn money to pay you back. Since I started working, my family hasn't sent me any money anymore. If I don't work, I won't have any money... not to mention paying off debts, I won't even have money for food!"
“…”
"Well then… from now on I won't accept money from anywhere else."
"Huh?"
"If you let me hug you, it'll be five hundred."
"A kiss costs a thousand."
"But what if it's more than that..."
"Five thousand each time."
“...”
"And you… are not allowed to refuse."
!!
Wait…
“...”
I heard I owe you... two hundred thousand!?