North: How much is your love?

Chapter 10: Only fools do what I do.

[>> North <<]

JaJa: Hey…
JaJa: I feel so empty…
JaJa: I'm so stressed…
JaJa: Can we talk?
JaJa: Actually, I want to see you more…
JaJa: I want to hug you, too.
JaJa: Sorry, I don't even know what I'm typing haha
JaJa: If you're free, text me back. I have no one else to confide in.

 

I frowned at the series of messages JaJa had sent almost an hour ago, hesitating about how to reply. Why now? Sending messages while I was studying—who could possibly concentrate on studying like this?

 

North♣: Sorry, I'm studying.
JaJa: Oh… sorry, I thought you'd finished school.
JaJa: What time do you study until?
North♣: Four o'clock.
JaJa: Okay, I can wait. Sorry for not letting you know.

JaJa: I'm waiting for you downstairs at the Faculty of Engineering.
JaJa: I realised you're already here haha
JaJa: Are you studying in that faculty? If not, I'll be waiting for you for nothing, haha

 

"Damn..." I blurted out when I saw JaJa's message saying she was waiting downstairs at the department. Seriously, JaJa studies at a different school. Why is she here?

 

"What is it?" My friend Nao looked up, his voice annoyed; I must have just disturbed his afternoon nap.

 

"Nothing."

 

"Who's texting you again? Aren't you going to focus on your studies?"

 

"Take care of yourself first," I replied, and it didn't bother to argue, just lowered its head and went back to sleep.

 

North♣: Yeah, I study in that department.
North♣: Is it urgent?
JaJa: Not really… but I can’t take it anymore haha
North♣: Is it that serious?
JaJa: For me, it is very serious.
JaJa: Sorry, I didn’t want to bother you…
JaJa: But…
JaJa: I’m not okay at all ;(
North♣: Okay, it’s alright. I’ll come down after class.
North♣︎: You can wait at the cafe downstairs.
JaJa: Okay, see you then.

 

After school, I packed my things with a heavy heart. Honestly, I didn't want to see JaJa because I wasn't ready. Just the other day, I told Ter that there are days when I still miss JaJa, saying I have no feelings would be a lie because I still have feelings, but I don't want to go back; that's why I don't want to face her yet. But since they've gone all the way to the department to wait, it's probably unavoidable. It seems like it's a really urgent matter, and if I'm not mistaken, it's probably about a new boyfriend.

 

"Idiot."

 

"Me?" I spun around when Sket yelled at me.

 

"JaJa is waiting for you downstairs at the department, right?" Sket frowned, asking in a serious tone. When I told them about JaJa waiting, my three friends in the group all looked unhappy.

 

"You idiot, you just got punched by someone's new boyfriend, and you're still planning to meet her!"

 

"Actually, I punched him first," I said truthfully.

 

"He deserved it," Nao interjected, his face serious, his voice growing increasingly irritated, "Do you think we're going to let you go?"

 

"I know... but what can we do now? You've been waiting for so long."

 

"Screw it, they didn't think of you at all when they left."

 

"Calm down, Nao."

 

"How can I stay calm, Ikkyu? Remember that day your friend was drunk as a dog?" Nao snapped, clearly furious. I understood how he felt because I had been through something terribly painful. None of my friends, including Ter, liked JaJa.

 

“I didn’t want to see JaJa. But now she’s come all the way here, waiting, and she goes to a different school, so far away, and I can’t bring myself to tell her to go back. I just came out to see her for a bit, it’ll be fine.” I said, “It’ll be alright, it’ll be quick.”

 

"Why are you so stubborn?"

 

"Sket, calm down."

 

"The question is, why can't you get angry, Kyu?"

 

"I'm calmer than you guys. I know you're worried about him, but let North decide for himself. He'll just come back and lick his wounds anyway."

 

"So you'll eventually come back to me, won't you?" Ket said.

 

"About what? There's nothing left. Everything's alright."

 

"Good at arguing." Nao glared.

 

“I’m perfectly fine, I’m definitely not going back.” I repeated what I’d told them, “Just going to meet her.”

 

"Your body may not be back, but your emotions are gone, North."

 

"Do you want us to come along?"

 

"She'll suffocate to death," I said.

 

"You're going anyway, right?"

 

"What the hell is all this drama about?"

 

"Then remember this: this girl left you to find someone better. No matter what happens, you must remember that don't be soft-hearted. She chose what's best for herself; she chose someone she thinks is better than you. And she's decided that person isn't you."

 

"Damn it." I blurted out Ikkyu's words. He'd said it before, but no matter how many times I heard it, it still choked me up. "Just one sentence and it left me speechless."

 

"I just want to emphasise that if you're thinking about going back, think carefully. Is someone like that worth giving your heart to again?"

 

"You're talking as if she came here to ask to get back together," I asked, raising my eyebrows in disbelief.

 

"Of course. She went to all this trouble to come here because she finally realised you're someone she can rely on. Once she thinks that, she'll start regretting leaving you – someone who loves her so much."

 

"What if she actually asks to come back?" Nao asked me.

 

"Refuse immediately," Sket interjected. 

 

"Refuse, without hesitation or second thoughts."

 

"I know," I replied.

 

"Yeah, go ahead, we'll be watching," Duen Nao said, "We're starting to follow you."

 

"There's no need to take it so seriously."

 

"I'm going to sit at a different table, just in case something happens."

 

"What could possibly happen?"

 

"I don't know, but I'll still keep an eye on it."

 

════[changbins_delulu_wife]════

 

I sat down in the chair opposite Ja. She was wearing her student uniform, the kind I'd only ever seen in pictures before, and she was already waiting for me at the cafe downstairs. A few people in the department looked over, probably surprised to see a student from another university there.

 

"This is the first time we've met, and I'm wearing this outfit. It looks so strange," Ja said, breaking the awkward silence between us. Thinking back, we hadn't seen each other since graduating.

 

"I feel the same way," I replied. Since Ja was my only ex, I didn't know how to act properly when we met again.

 

"Did you get a haircut?" I asked.

 

"Yeah, yeah, I'm just tired of long hair, and I don't know if it suits me. What do you think? Does it look strange?"

 

"No... I'm just not used to it yet."

 

"Oh, right, I've had long hair since 10th grade. It wasn't used to it at first, but I found it fine, and it dries quickly after washing too."

 

"Okay, what's the matter?" I got straight to the point, the reason Ja had come all the way here.

 

"Ah..." The person opposite lowered their eyes, their hands clasped tightly together on the table, their lips pressed together as if unwilling to speak, "I... just broke up with Temp."

 

Why am I not surprised at all?

 

"Oh, so who broke up with who?"

 

“Probably Temp. I’m not sure… we had a fight. A really big fight. When we first met, we never argued that much.” I nodded in agreement. When we first met, we almost never argued, probably because I’m easygoing.

 

"What were you arguing about?"

 

“Temp has someone else. I found out, and it’s just like you said… It happened because you’re angry at Temp for betraying me, right?” Ja looked up, her voice trembling, tears welling up, her nose and cheeks flushed red.

 

“...”

 

“I… I was hoping it wasn’t like that. I tried to believe Temp’s words… that you were a troublemaker who started a fight when Temp hadn’t done anything.”

 

"But… *sobs*… I found out. Temp really does have someone else."

 

"Sob... I..."

 

"Calm down," I said when I saw the situation was getting worse. I reached for a tissue and offered it to her. Ja took it and casually wiped away her tears. It's terrible... this feeling of not wanting her to cry, of wanting to comfort her, of wanting to console her... how can I get rid of it?

 

"Thank you."

 

"Why?"

 

"Because you beat him up… for me. Thank you for protecting me."

 

“…”

"Hmm..."

 

“…”

"Come on, stop crying."

 

"Things turned out this way, and yet I keep thinking about you... You took such good care of me, but I couldn't keep you."

 

Damned…

Just as Ikkyu said…

 

"Stop, don't say any more." I interrupted Ja before she could say anything further.

 

"If you hadn't broken up with your boyfriend, you probably wouldn't have come looking for me, right?"

 

Ja was stunned after hearing what I said, then burst into even louder tears. I secretly glanced at my close friends who were watching from a distance.

Only Ikkyu seemed calm, while Nao and Sket looked like they were about to explode with anger. If they could have grabbed me by the neck and dragged me out of here, they probably would have.

 

"Sorry…"

 

"It's okay, just forget about it." I repeated my earlier statement, "But the big deal you were talking about… was breaking up with him?"

 

“Oh… and one more thing. Actually… I want to forgive Temp, but the real reason we have to break up is that Temp has to move away. I have two options: break up or forgive and wait. Just forgiving is difficult enough, and now I have to wait for many more years… But I don’t want to let Temp go… I’m really confused.”

 

"Moving to another place?"

 

"Yeah, going abroad. Not sure yet, because it seems Temp's father has been transferred to another job."

 

"Ah... so Temp has to go along, huh?"

 

"Not really. Temp said he doesn't want to be here anymore, that he can't live here anymore. I don't understand why, and we hardly ever talk to each other."

 

What do you mean by "He can't live here anymore"?

And why should I sit here listening to that Temp guy's story?

 

"So I wanted to ask you..."

 

"Ask? Ask what?"

 

“Actually, I secretly went to ask Team… Temp’s friend, the one who had that incident with you guys that day. Team said they experienced something similar and had to move, but they don’t know where, only that it’s not the same place as Temp. I don’t understand what happened either, so Team pushed me to ask you. I asked everyone, but no one would say anything, so what exactly happened? Do you know what it is?”

 

"Uh... no... I don't know anything," I replied, my head spinning with questions. What the heck... and why did they even send Ja over to ask me?

 

"Really? Was it the person who came to help you that day?"

 

"Huh?" I raised my eyebrows in surprise.

Ah…

That's also possible.

If it's Johan, then it's quite possible.

But…

“…”

 

"Uncle?"

 

"Huh?"

 

"What are you so distracted about? And in the end, was it all because of that person?"

 

"I don't know. I really don't know about that."

 

"Um... so, can I ask? Temp... I'm sorry, but Temp shouldn't have to be transferred anywhere. That would be too cruel... You were the one who started it, weren't you?"

 

“…”

"Oh... sorry, I didn't mean it that way."

 

"It's okay. It's true. I was the one who started it."

 

Huh? Just a moment ago, you were thanking me for protecting you?

 

"Um... I wanted to ask if you could help me in that matter?"

 

“…”

 

"Are not."

 

"Huh? Why?"

 

"If you knew who did it, what would you do?"

 

"Me... I probably can't do anything either."

 

"There. So it's better if you don't know, and there's nothing I can do about it anyway."

 

That's right... If it really were Johan, even if he wanted to send Temp into space, there's nothing I could do. And honestly, I wouldn't want to help him anyway because I'm not that kind-hearted.

 

"But... Temp wasn't that wrong..." Ja started repeating herself, almost whining. It was always like this when she didn't get what she wanted: "That's so cruel... even though he didn't do anything to deserve it."

 

"Who knows? Temp might be doing something behind your back that you don't even know about."

 

“…”

"No... I know everything. *sobs*."

 

"That's all, right?" I said, making a gesture as if to stand up.

 

“Not… not yet… *sobs*… there’s more…” Ja interrupted, forcing me to sit down again, 

 

“Tiger…”

 

"Huh?"

 

"Tiger. Do you know anyone named Tiger? I think he's studying engineering here."

 

"Oh, I know. My friend. Why?"

 

"I overheard Temp and Team mentioning Tiger again. It seems like there's some kind of problem. If it's Tiger, could you ask them about it?"

 

The person opposite said this, then reached for a tissue and wiped away their tears again.

 

"I can't promise anything, but I'll try asking," I said casually.

What does Tiger have to do with this?

Ah…

Understood.

Nao is also involved in this. So Tiger probably can't stay out of it either. Why didn't I think of this before?

 

"Um, thank you."

 

Okay, anything else?

 

"This…"

 

"Hmm?"

 

"Thank you for listening to me."

 

"Nothing," I replied.

 

"When there's no one else around, you'll always be there for me."

 

“...”

 

“I’m sorry for all the bad things I did and said. It’s all my fault. Is it okay if I say… I want to talk to you again. North, it might sound a bit bad, but I probably won’t have anyone else after this. I’m sorry. I… can we start over? At least… talk like friends.”

"Is he still alive?"

 

"YES."

 

"Are you okay?"

 

"Fine."

 

"Do you want a drink?"

 

"Are not."

 

"He's always so gloomy. See, I told you so." Nao chimed in, as if he'd been waiting for this opportunity to tease me for a long time, "He kept saying he was fine, but look at him now? He froze up just hearing 'can we start over?'"

 

"So… does she really want to come back?" Ikkyu asked.

 

"She said he wanted to start over," Sket answered for him, "Start over with the old one."

 

"You bastard," I muttered.

 

"Does she still love you?"

 

"No... I didn't say that."

 

"What does that mean?"

 

"Well… at first, she seemed worried about Temp, like she still had lingering feelings for him. But then… she said she wanted to talk to me again. I really don't understand."

 

"Maybe she just wants to stay in touch."

 

"Just in case, because she’s still not completely over with Temp."

 

"So, my friend becomes the spare tyre?"

 

"So what did you answer?"

 

"I said no, this is enough," I replied exactly as I had said earlier.

 

"It's pretty tough."

 

"But why do you still look so dazed?"

 

"Feeling uneasy?"

 

"You may have a tough mouth, but a weak heart. Otherwise, your liver would have been tough instead."

 

"I've already given up drinking," I said.

 

"I used to be as drunk as a dog and still managed to find a husband."

 

"Damn you!" I cursed at Sket. Then we chatted a bit more before everyone went home. I went straight home because there was nothing else to do on campus.

 

Easter: North
Easter: Ja came to see you!?

North♣: How did you know that?
Easter: Sket told me.
North♣: I knew it, his mouth is such a gossip.

Easter: Then what are you doing here?!
North♣: Nothing.
North♣: You can barely say anything.

Easter: Don't hide it!
Easter: Tell me! Tell me! Tell me!
North♣: There's really nothing at all.
North♣: I heard you're studying?
North♣: Study seriously!

Easter: No! I want to know! I want to know so much I can't even study anymore!
Easter: What were you two talking about?
Easter: He even came to the department to find you?
Easter: What did he say?

 

I decided to ignore Ter's message and scroll down to find the chat window with Tiger instead. I can explain everything to Ter when he comes back. Speaking of chatting, I haven't talked to Johan in almost a week; he's probably busy. Ter also complained that Hill hasn't had any free time lately. But actually, even if Johan were free, I don't know what he'd want to talk to me about.

 

North♣: Tiger
North♣: Are you free? Answer me.

 

Less than ten minutes later, Tiger texted back:

 

Tg: What?
Tg: I don't have any free time
Tg: Here you go.

North♣: Ger…
North♣: I suddenly feel so suffocated.

Tg: What's wrong?

North♣: It feels like I've been keeping someone's secret for too long.
North♣: But I probably can't keep it any longer.
North♣: It's really suffocating.
North♣: I guess I have to tell them.

Tg: My head's suffocating!
Tg: It's none of your business!
Tg: Damn it, what's the matter?

North♣: Can I call you?

Tg: Okay

North♣: I'm so cold

Tg: I'm here.
Tg: I can come out to the balcony to talk.

North♣: Okay, I'll take the phone.

 

After saying that, I immediately called Tiger.

 

"What's wrong?" As soon as I answered, the voice on the other end was full of exhaustion. I must have disturbed him while he was with his boyfriend.

 

"I want to ask you something."

 

"What's wrong?"

 

"That Temp gang thing we had a run-in with, did you do anything to them?"

 

(...)

"Why are you so quiet?"

 

(How do you know?)

“Ja – my ex-girlfriend – just came to see me. She said they’re about to be transferred schools. At first, I thought it was Johan's fault, but then I heard they mentioned your name too. Thinking about it, you’ve never let anyone mess with Nao before.”

 

(Oh, was that Ja?)

"Yeah, that's right. She said those guys sent her to ask me."

 

(Damn it, why didn't you just ask your brother directly?)

 

"It's easier to ask you than to ask him," I said honestly. Asking Tiger is several times easier than asking Johan. He'd be lucky if he didn't curse back, let alone answer.

 

(I'm too lazy to tell the story. Can I just not tell it?)

"Don't joke around, tell me quickly."

 

(When did you suddenly become curious?)

"I just wanted to know. What's so difficult about telling me?"

 

(It's not difficult, I just don't want to tell you. How should I put it... I really don't want to tell you.)

 

"Ger ơ~" I lowered my voice to scare it a little.

 

(Mom, calling me is just threatening me again. I'll just tell you a little bit, okay? Don't tell Nao anything.)

 

Okay.

 

(The day Nao came back to his room with blood on his mouth and eyebrow, I was furious. No matter how much I pressed him, he wouldn't say who did it, but it wasn't really that hard to guess. I wanted to get the CCTV footage from that day, but when I went to the shop, they said someone had already bought it.)

 

"Who's buying?"

(That's your Johan. That's why I had to drag myself to meet him.)

 

"Go meet him? You know him?" I unconsciously raised my eyebrows in question. Tiger had never mentioned ever meeting or knowing anything about him. And when it was brought up, he never reacted in any particular way.

 

(Just a little. I met him before at a race.)

"Are you a racer too?"

 

(We used to meet. We occasionally ran into each other at the racetrack. Who wouldn't remember that sleek black Bugatti?)

 

"Have you ever raced against him?"

(I used to. The moment he saw my face, he called me a brat. But he's really good; I once rode in his car.)

 

"Are you sitting down already?"

(I have to admit, his drifting skills are amazing. He's truly number one.)

 

"Yeah, really." Johan is a really good driver. Although I'm not an expert in these things, from my experience riding with him, whether in a car or on a motorbike, I have to say it's top-notch, absolutely amazing.

 

"And yet you didn't say anything about knowing him."

(It's not necessary.)

 

"Oh, dear..."

(Let's get back to the main point. When I went to see him, he said it was all settled.)

 

"Solve what? You've only given a brief description."

(So ​​much drama… Initially, I wanted to use the camera footage to force them to withdraw from the school.)

 

"Hey, I was the one who started it that day, you know."

 

(That day was different. I'm not blaming them, I'm just angry that they wouldn't stop. He said he'd made it clear that if they didn't stop, he would take action. In the end, they broke their promise first.)

 

"Oh, so that means Temp isn't going to stop?"

(YES.)

 

"How do you know?"

(I know... Team too, he attacked Nao first that day.)

 

"So, the incident with Team was your fault, and the one with Temp was Johan's?"

(Right.)

 

"And then there's the transfer incident. How did they manage that?"

(They already have a scandal, so it'll be easy. Is that enough? You're asking too many questions.)

 

"They are just being transferred, right? You didn't do anything else, did you?" I asked, a little suspicious because Tiger's angry face was incredibly scary.

 

(Uh... a little. I hit him.)

"What are you doing?"

 

(His right hand. He's the one who punched Nào eight times, according to the camera.)

"Damn..."

 

(If he’s right-handed, life will probably be tough now; he’ll likely suffer from now on.)

 

"Damn, you... You're so cruel."

(He beat Nao up first; he'll be fine.)

 

"Get out of here, you idiot! A human hand can't grow back. Ger, you really are something..."

 

(What growth? I didn't cut his hand.)

"EH…"

 

(I just broke it, a few months in a cast, and it'll be fine. But your brother wouldn't do what I did. Regarding Temp, you were in the wrong; you provoked him first. If he had attacked first, you'd probably be in a full body cast by now.)

 

"Stop it, why would you do that...?"

(Are you scared?)

 

"Actually… well, I'm scared. They're both equally terrifying."

(As for me, I call it doing everything for love.)

 

"So Nao was attacked first? Ikkyu initially said Nao was the one who hit the other guy first."

(No, he was hit first.)

 

"Well... you’ve been secretly protecting him without him knowing anything."

(Hmph, what about you? If nobody told you, you probably wouldn't know.)

 

"How would I know...?"

(Now you know, you like it.)

 

"What?"

(Johan and you.)

 

"What... I don't..."

(You don't, but that other person... must be going crazy.)

 

“…”

(Silence? Feeling shy?)

 

“…”

 

"Why be shy...?"

 

(Pretending not to know? You're not stupid, North. Honestly, if what I'm saying is true, would you still think he doesn't have any feelings for you?)

 

“…”

(Answer me, you bastard!)

 

"Yeah, I know... so what? I..."

(Don't like it?)

 

“Yeah, I’m not thinking anything of it because we just met. He’s never said he likes me or tried to flirt with me. Besides… Why would he like someone like me? That’s another story.” I said what I really thought. Actually, it was just like Tiger said… sometimes I do have doubts, but as I said, I don’t want to dwell on it too much. 

 

“I don’t want to think too much about romantic relationships right now.”

(Yeah, someone like you never thinks of anything worthwhile all day long.)

 

"Hey, are you insulting me?"

(But if he makes you think, you'll probably think about him all day.)

"What?"

(I don't know, I'm just guessing. I'm leaving, hugging my wife is much better.)

"Watch out, your wife might kick you out."

(I give up. Oh, and one more thing. I'm not very close to him, but I think you should be a little more careful. I've only told you that much, and you already say it's scary.)

"Be careful about what?"

(Everything you can think of.)

"So, you don't know anything either?"

(Yeah, I don't know, and I don't care anyway. Bye. And don't tell anyone, okay? Oh, and be careful with that person named Ja.)

"Be careful, Ja?"

(Be careful with that nice guy, too.)

"Why?"

(Figure it out yourself.)

"Okay, okay..."

 

I also understood a little of what Tiger was saying. If Johan really likes me… uh… why does it feel so awkward saying it out loud? It feels so strange, like I’m hallucinating… Well, let’s just assume it’s true. If he knew Ja came to find me here, he probably wouldn’t be very happy. Judging by how he handled Temp’s situation, he’s definitely not someone to be trifled with…Does he really like me...? And why me…?

There, I keep thinking and thinking like that. But I still can't find an answer. Maybe it's better to just go back to my old state of "not thinking at all."

 

Boom!

Bang!

Aaa! Ter!!!

Why are you texting me so frantically, like the house is about to burn down?! I've been busy talking to Ger all this time, so I quickly opened the chat window and sent a message to end the conversation.

 

North♣: Yeah, she came to make peace! Are you satisfied now?!

“...”

Johan: ?

Damn it.

Sent the wrong chat…