"Hey, Wan! You're here early!"

 

"Good morning, P'Jen."

 

"Morning. Go get your makeup done. P'Susan! Wan's here!" P'Jen, the assistant director, shouted to the makeup artist, who was just stepping out of the actors' lounge and on the way to the restroom. As I took long strides in that direction, I inhaled deeply, trying to calm my nerves. 

 

Today marked the first day of filming for the series 'Deep Dive: Into Your Heart. It was the first scheduled shoot, and P'Pai, the director, had asked me to arrive early since my scenes were among the first to be filmed. 

 

The location was a university on the outskirts of Bangkok, and I was expected to be there by 5 AM. P'Cher, the AR, had arranged for the studio van to pick me up from my condo at 4:30 AM. Waking up early wasn't a problem for someone like me, the son of vendors. 

 

Back when I lived in Ayutthaya, I used to wake up at 3 or 4 AM to help carry goods from the market and assist my parents in selling noodles. But the real challenge today was my own nerves. I was ridiculously excited! Even though I'd already filmed the pilot, this was the official start of production. It felt like the difference between a midterm exam and a final exam that determined your grade. The real test had arrived.

 

"Good morning, P'Cher."

 

"Morning, Third," P'Cher nodded in response to the greeting from the lead actor, who was sitting in the makeup chair. He held a cup of green tea (I'd heard he didn't drink coffee)

 

After greeting the senior staff, I glanced at the tall figure, who closed his eyes and resumed meditating. My relationship with this guy hadn't improved much. However, lately, Third had stopped making snide remarks or giving me those irritating looks. 

 

I, in turn, didn't bother engaging with him. I didn't want to create tension on set and make others uncomfortable, so I tried to avoid him as much as possible. Still... he was here early again today. Sure, it was the first shoot, but he'd arrived before the 5 AM call time.

 

"Hey," he suddenly said.

I looked around, left and right, realising that the only people in the dressing room were me, P’Rin the hairstylist, and P'Cher. The latter two were senior staff, so it couldn't have been them he was addressing. Did he just greet me? What the heck? Is it snowing in Thailand today?

 

"..Hey," I mimicked his words, still confused and startled, unsure of how to respond. Was this a sign of goodwill? Third rarely spoke to me unless absolutely necessary.

 

"How many scenes do you have today?" he asked in his usual monotone, eyes still closed. P'Cher had stepped out to get me a coffee, leaving me with no backup. I had no choice but to answer.

 

"About six. Three in the morning, I think," I replied, sitting down in a chair. I couldn't help but feel a little suspicious. Why was he acting so differently today? Did he take the wrong medication this morning?

 

"Do your best," Third said, his tone as emotionless as ever, before falling silent again. I blinked, staring at his sharp profile. In my mind, I wondered if Third had hit his head on something. He seemed unusually friendly-as friendly as he could manage, anyway.

 

After waiting for a bit, P'Susan returned from the restroom and began prepping my face with skincare products. P'Susan chatted animatedly with P’Rin and P’Waen, the stylist.

 

"So, the other day, Ging was gossiping about that Casanova guy again. You know, the one from the big agency? Apparently, he brought another fling to his condo."

 

"Which guy? There are so many of them in this industry. I can't keep up with all the drama!"

 

"That one! From the shoot two days ago."

 

"Oh, him! The lead actor who got the bottom role, right? I heard about it, too. They said his wife found out and stormed into the hotel to confront that fling. It was chaos. And the husband? Probably made up some excuse. Yesterday, he posted a sweet photo on his private Instagram, taking his wife to buy Chanel in Singapore to smooth things over."

 

"That's wild! But you'd never guess from his on-screen persona. He acts so sweet and innocent, like a perfect uke. He's even more convincing than us real queens! If his fans know about this, his hashtag will be trending for 3 days straight!"

The lively conversation buzzed above my head as I sat with my eyes closed, letting P'Susan work the magic. Even though I had my AirPods in, playing music, their high-pitched voices still managed to reach me, forcing me to absorb all this gossip involuntarily.

 

Most of the makeup artists, hairstylists, and stylists on set were freelancers, not tied to any specific agency. Since they worked across various productions, they encountered numerous actors and picked up all kinds of stories. This so-called 'insider gossip' often revolved around relationships, fake personas, and speculations about who was straight or gay. In just thirty minutes of makeup, I felt like I'd learned half the entertainment industry's secrets.

 

Wait a minute. Does this mean they gossip about us when they're on other sets? Well, as long as I behave, they'll probably say nice things about me... right?

 

I decided to let it go for now. I had more pressing matters to focus on. My first scene of the day was coming up, and it was a heavy emotional one. It was a scene in which Sky spoke to Noel, played by Nine, in front of the swimming club. Starting with such a challenging scene on the first day was nerve-wracking.

 

Even though I'd taken plenty of acting classes almost every other day leading up to the shoot-l still felt like a rookie compared to the others. I wasn't entirely confident in my skills yet. So, I focused on memorising my lines and staying calm. I didn't want to be the one holding up the production. If I nailed the scene quickly, I might even get to go home early. But if I kept messing up and made the hundred-plus crew members wait because of me, that would be a disaster.

 

"Wan, eat something first."

 

"..' Cher, I'm not hungry," I said, glancing at the bowl of congee and neatly sliced watermelon she'd brought from the catering area outside. Whenever I was nervous or stressed, I couldn't eat, and it often led to stomachaches. I know breakfast is important, but I just can't stomach anything right now.

 

"Force yourself. Otherwise, you won't get to eat until the afternoon," P' Cher scolded. Reluctantly, I took a bite of the congee. P'Cher sat beside me, sipping her coffee.

 

"Don't stress. It's the first day. Even if you mess up, P'Pai won't be mad. Every newbie goes through this. After a couple of shoots, you'll get the hang of it."

 

"Thank you."

"But don't mess up too much."

 

"What?!" I froze. Just when I was starting to feel relieved, the pressure was back. Arrgh. While panicking, other actors scheduled for the morning shoot began arriving. Once I was done with hair, makeup, and wardrobe, I sat outside with P'Cher, nervously waiting for my turn. I kept rehearsing my lines and trying to stay focused.

 

"Wan! Wan!" Suddenly, at 8 AM, P'Jen called out. "We're switching the first scene. You'll be filming with Third instead. Scene 3, 9/2."

 

"What?!" My eyes widened. Wasn't the first scene supposed to be with the lead actors? Why the sudden change?!

 

"Nine's running thirty minutes late and isn't ready yet. P'Pai doesn't want to waste time, so we're moving your scene with Third up," P'Jen explained quickly before hurrying off. P'Cher patted my shoulder. "Go on."

 

"...Uh... okay," I said, following the assistant director, exhaling deeply to calm my nerves.

 

In film and TV production, scenes weren't shot in chronological order. They would schedule based on location and actor availability. For example, if today's location was the swimming pool, they'd shoot all scenes set there, regardless of where they fell in the script. This meant scenes could jump around. One moment, you were filming scene nineteen from episode one, and the next, you were doing scene three from episode eight. And the emotional tone of each scene could vary drastically.

 

My first scene was originally supposed to be a friendly conversation with Noel (Nine) before our characters became rivals. But since Nine wasn't ready, P'Pai swapped it with an afternoon scene where he argued with Copter (Third).

 

Oh, crap. This is bad. P'Cher warned me that anything could happen on set and that I needed to adapt. But as someone who likes to plan everything in advance, sudden changes like this threw me off. No choice now. I have to face it head-on!

 

"Episode 3, Scene 9/2, Take 1. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... Action!"

 

"....You stil... Still don't get it, do you? You and I. We're in totally different leagues!"

 

"Cut! Wan, do it again! Don't stutter!" P'Pai's voice boomed from the monitor. I swallowed hard, taking a deep breath as I turned to meet Third's gaze. The assistant director began counting down for the second take.

 

"5, 4, 3, 2, 1, action!"

 

"You still don't get it, do you? You and!."

The moment I locked eyes with Third, the next line vanished from my brain as if someone had hit the delete button. Crap, Wan, you're screwed!

 

Then came P'Pai's voice yelling, 'Cut!' again, making my face pale and my frustration with myself rise. What the heck? I was better than this in acting class.

 

"Let's do it again," the person standing in front of me said softly. His expression didn't show any sign of annoyance. It seemed like Third understood my stage fright.

 

"5, 4, 3, 2, 1, action!"

 

In the end, a short dialogue exchange of five or six lines took six takes. It was a mess. In some takes, I mumbled. In others, I couldn't get the emotions right, and P'Pai wouldn't let any mistakes slide. He was doing his job as a director perfectly. But I wasn't doing my job as an actor properly...

 

"P'Cher, I'm going to the restroom," I whispered before getting up from the bench and heading to the restroom behind the bleachers. Right now, the set is filming Third's solo scene. Even though my scene had already been shot, I still felt uneasy.

 

I didn't know what was wrong with me today. The more I tried, the worse it got. I wanted to do well, but instead I ended up causing multiple takes, wasting everyone's time, including the crew and fellow actors. I could feel someone's eyes following me. It was probably P'Cher. I washed my hands at the sink, stared at my reflection in the mirror, and took a deep breath to refocus. I wanted to splash water on my face to snap out of it, but if I did, P'Susan, the makeup artist, would probably kill me.

 

Calm down, Wan. Don't pressure yourself too much. P'Pai hasn't even scolded you. Don't stress out!

 

I returned to the set when it was time for my next scene. It was a solo scene this time, but I still messed up just as much as the first one. The director didn't say anything to me, but I felt even worse.

 

"Hey."

 

While I was sitting restlessly near the set, trying to focus because my next scene was coming up. The stoic lead actor, who'd just finished his scene, suddenly strode over and sat down next to me-something he'd never done before.

 

"Are you okay?" He asked, something he'd also never done before.

 

"... I'm fine," I stammered, looking down at the ground, avoiding Third's gaze. Inside, I felt both embarrassed and guilty. I promised myself I wouldn't be a burden to the team, but I failed. Worse, I caused Third to waste time with multiple takes because of me.

 

I heard a deep sigh from the person beside me. "Take it easy," Third leaned in closer, and I caught a faint citrus scent from him as he lowered his voice to a whisper. "It's just the first day. You're not doing as badly as you think."

 

".."I glanced at him, a surprise flickering in my eyes. Third's expression was serious, but there was no hint of mockery or condescension. Was he trying to comfort me?

 

"P’Pai is meticulous. Sometimes, he does multiple takes just to have options for the best scene. If he's not scolding you or getting annoyed, it means you're not doing badly. Relax."

 

"Go grab some cold water and take a breather," he added before standing up and heading toward the makeup artist, who was calling him for a touch-up before the next scene. I sat there blinking, a strange, indescribable feeling stirring inside me.

 

Unbelievable. I thought he'd be annoyed that I was causing so many retakes. Instead, he came over to encourage me. Turns out, this guy can be kind and friendly after all...

 

"Wan! Get ready for your scene!" P'Jen called out, snapping me out of my thoughts. 

 

I pushed Third out of my mind and looked down at my iPad, focusing on the script for the next scene. The burning frustration in my chest eased, replaced by a warmth that I didn't even realise was there. Before I realised, the sun was already hanging high in the sky. On set, the crew was setting up the lighting for the final outdoor scene before the lunch break. We'd move the next shoot to an indoor pool in the afternoon.

 

"Third, Nine, Wan, get ready for your scene," P'Jen announced. As the makeup artist touched up my lips, I started to feel nervous again. This was the day's first scene where I'd be acting alongside Nine. And right off the bat, it was a confrontation scene. It had a bit of a love triangle vibe. 

 

Sky, my character, secretly liked Noel, who used to be his best friend. But things took a turn, and they became rivals. When Noel got close to Copter, Sky became jealous and angry, feeling like something precious had been taken from him. Every time he saw the two leads together, he'd lash out with sarcastic and spiteful remarks. Basically, my character was a total jerk.

 

"Let's get this done so we can eat," Nine said with a smile, looking straight at me.

 

"Yeah," I mumbled, feeling anxious about messing up again. Solo scenes were one thing, but the pressure doubled when I had to act with others. The more people in the scene, the more I worried about wasting their time.

 

"Relax," Third muttered.

 

For some reason, hearing his low, emotionless voice made me feel a bit more at ease. Strange...

 

"Take 1... 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, action!"

 

"Sky, if you have something to say, talk to me. Copter has nothing to do with this," Nine, playing Noel, said tremblingly. His eyes, looking at me-no, at Sky-were filled with disappointment and bitterness, a stark contrast to the brightness they held just moments ago. He'd fully transformed into his character.

 

"Talking is a waste of time. People like him don't listen," Third, as Copter sneered, grabbing Noel's wrist and pulling him away. I stepped forward to block them, but stumbled slightly.

 

"Cut! Let's do it again," P'Pai called out immediately.

 

"Sorry," I said sheepishly to the other two actors.

 

"It's fine," Nine said with a smile. But because I was so focused on preparing for the next take, I didn't notice that his eyes didn't smile along with him like they usually did.

 

"Take 2... 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, action!"

 

"Sky, if you have something to say, talk to me. Copter has nothing to do with this."

 

"Talking is a waste of time. People like him don't listen," Third grabbed Nine's wrist. I stepped forward, gritting my teeth and growling through them.

 

"Old friends are trying to talk. What's an outsider like you butting in for?"

 

"Cut! Wan, you can do better. I need more anger. Look at Third like you want to punch him," P' Pai instructed.

 

"Got it!" I shouted back, taking a deep breath.

 

"Take 3... 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, action!"

 

"Old friends are trying to talk. What's an outsider like you butting in for?!"

 

"Cut! Wan, pronounce the words more clearly," P'Pai said.

 

"Alright!"

 

"Take 4... 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, action!"

"Cut! One more time!"

 

Even though the scene flowed smoothly, P'Pai wouldn't let it pass unless it was over ninety per cent perfect. By this point, I was sweating, and I could feel my face looking strained, "It's okay. He's not complaining, so the next take will probably be the one," Third whispered beside me. His sharp eyes weren't as cold and emotionless as usual. Maybe it was because Copter, his character, was more open than he was in real life. When Third was in character, his demeanour changed slightly. Maybe I like him better as Copter...

 

I glanced at Nine, hoping for some encouragement from my idol. But instead, I was stunned to see him clicking his tongue and rolling his eyes, looking annoyed. When he noticed me watching, he quickly switched to a sweet smile.

 

"Hang in there, Wan. Let's make this the last take so we can all go eat," he said. Even though he encouraged me, I felt embarrassed and pressured, avoiding his gaze. I heard Nine sigh heavily, and I wasn't naive enough not to understand his attitude. Was he annoyed that I was taking so long?

"Don't stress. Just do it like the last time," Third said quietly before stepping back to his mark. The crew's countdown to action echoed around us.

 

I met Third's eyes. He gave me a small nod, the corner of his mouth twitching slightly as if to offer a reassuring smile. That image unexpectedly calmed me. Maybe it was because, at that moment, I wasn't Wan, and he wasn't Third. We were Sky and Copter.

We became someone else, and that made it easier to connect than being ourselves...

 

I took a deep breath, summoning my courage once more. When the director called 'Action!' I let Sky take over, pouring all my emotions into the scene.

 

"Cut! Excellent! Let's break for lunch!" P'Pai removed his headset and set down his walkie-talkie.

 

The crew cheered loudly and quickly packed their things, heading toward the welfare station where food was already prepared. As for me, I let out a relieved smile because I'd finally completed half of my scenes for the day. I hope the afternoon will go better. Hang in there, Wan!

 

"Third, the fans for our ThirdNine fandom sent a food truck for us. Let's go take some pictures," Nine nudged the arm of the person he was addressing.

 

"Then go take them," Third replied in a cold tone.

 

While I was taking a cold towel from P'Cher to wipe my neck, I couldn't help but eavesdrop. My curiosity about other people's business was piqued. "We have to go together. It's for us," Nine said.

 

"I'll go take them myself," Third replied.

 

"We need to take them together, Third."

 

He stood with his back to me, so I couldn't see Nine's expression, but could sense the tense atmosphere. In the end, Third let out a heavy sigh and followed Nine. I blinked in confusion, unable to understand the relationship between these two.

 

They are from the same agency, so they should be close, right? But Third seems so distant from Nine, as if he doesn't want to talk unless absolutely necessary. As for Nine...I don't know... Something about him seemed off today. Everything felt strange.

 

"Wan, your fans sent a food support truck for you. Want to go check it out?"P'Cher asked, snapping me back to the present.

 

"Me? Someone sent something for me?!"

 

"Of course! You have a fan base, so why wouldn't there be food support?" P'Cher laughed, playfully patting my head, leaving me feeling a bit embarrassed. I hadn't expected it. I didn't even have any notable work yet, but someone was willing to support me to the point of sending food to encourage me on set. Knowing this made my heart swell with joy, giving me full energy for the afternoon scenes!

 

I took pictures of the food support sent by the fan and shared it with the crew to avoid food waste. I carried a lunchbox from the fan club and sat down to eat with the crew and other actors. I noticed Third sitting with the crew at another table while Nine and P'Sunny, his AR, were nowhere to be seen.

 

"Where did Nine and P'Sunny go?" I asked.

 

"Probably eating somewhere else," P'Cher replied while sipping her coffee. Then she leaned in to whisper, "They don't usually sit with the crew. I've heard it's the same on other sets."

 

"Why?"

 

"I don't know," she shrugged.

 

From what I observed, it seemed like P'Cher and P'Sunny didn't get along very well. They talked and smiled at each other normally, but there was always this strange tension. Renji once told me that the entertainment industry was full of drama. People might smile sweetly at each other, but gossip and backstabbing go on behind the scenes. It was a mix of colleagues and competitors. Maybe this was one of those cases? But I just found out that Nine doesn't eat with the crew. Why is that...

 

"P'Cher, why is there separate water over there?" I nodded toward the welfare station behind us. On the table, there were three large water dispensers. One had a sign that said, 'Soda for actors, directors, and staff. Another said, 'Sweet drinks for actors, directors, and staff.' The last one didn't specify, but was labelled for all staff.

 

"Maybe this set separates things. Some sets don't let actors, directors, or senior staff eat or sit with the general crew," P'Cher explained

 

Hearing this, I frowned. I'd heard Renji talk about class divisions on set when I rode home with him, and I'd read extras sharing their experiences online. But I never thought I'd encounter it myself.

 

Honestly, aren't we all just people? Everyone has their task to do. No one is more important than anyone else. In this day and age, is there still class division? Think about it. Without the dozens of crew members, could the set run smoothly? And without extras, would the production be complete? Every role is equally important.

 

"But from what I know about P'Pai, he's not like that. It's probably his team managing things," P'Cher whispered. From what I knew of the director, he seemed very down-to-earth with his team. It didn't seem like something he would order.

 

And my assumption turned out to be correct. Ten minutes later, P'Pai came to eat. When he saw the separate food and drink arrangements, he loudly complained and demanded to know who was responsible. It turned out to be one of his assistants. P'Pai then ordered that from now on, everything should be shared equally. This made me respect the director even more.

 

During the break, P'Cher stepped away to take a call with P'Jarin about work. I decided to get some fresh air and found a quiet spot under a tree. I started chatting on LINE with Jay, who asked how the series filming was going.

 

Almost died, but I'm still alive. I typed back jokingly. At the same time, I felt a bit lonely. It was a shame Renji didn't have a shoot today. Otherwise, I'd have someone to chat with and relieve stress during the break.

 

Thud... Thud...

The sound of footsteps approaching made me look up from my phone. I was surprised to see Third, in his student uniform, walking toward me, holding a bottle of orange juice. His sharp eyes were fixed on me.

 

"Do you need something?" I asked as he stopped in front of me. Even after working together for over two months, I still couldn't read this guy's emotions. His expressionless face made it impossible to tell what he was thinking.

 

"What are you doing here?" Instead of answering, he asked me back.

 

"Just... sitting around."

 

"You're not overthinking, are you?"

That question surprised me even more. Who would've thought this guy cared about his coworkers? He had a good side, after all.

 

"No, I'm feeling better now. I think I'm starting to understand P'Pai's style," I said with a smile. Maybe Third thought that if I were stressed, I'd mess up more takes and waste his time, so he tried to help me relax. Whatever the reason, I appreciated the gesture. Let's just say I'll try to forget our past issues and see him in a better light.

 

"Good," he muttered. I felt like he had more to say, but in the end, he didn't.

 

"Here," he suddenly said. When I looked up, I saw him holding out the bottle of orange juice to me. "Drink it," he said, shoving the bottle into my hand before walking away, leaving me sitting there confused.

 

What was that about? He just gave me orange juice out of nowhere. Is this what he calls being friendly? Man's built like a robot, haha. I smiled to myself as I looked down at the orange juice bottle in my hand. It had a sticker of Third's face with a slight smile and the name of his fanbase. I couldn't help but laugh as I opened the bottle and took a sip, feeling genuinely relaxed for the first time that day.

 

The orange juice is pretty good. I guess I should thank whoever brought it to me.