Buzzzz

The phone resting on the bedside table vibrated, a melody playing faintly from its speaker as the screen lit up, showing the time-4 AM. I sprang up from bed, grabbing the phone to turn off the alarm with a burst of energy, as if I slept a full eight hours. In reality, I only managed four. On days when I had to be on set, waking up before the crack of dawn was routine.

 

Was I tired? Sure. Sleepy? A little. But my energy was through the roof, my eyes wide open without the need for coffee. I hummed a tune while showering and getting dressed, feeling cheerful at the thought of heading to the set. It wasn't that I suddenly became a workaholic or developed a newfound love for acting. No, my good mood stemmed from the fact that going to the set meant I'd get to see...

 

At that thought, I froze mid-motion, my hand reaching for my trusty backpack. I was about to head downstairs to wait for the studio van in the lounge when an image of Mr Famous Actor's charming smile flashed in my mind. That sent me into a panic. I collapsed onto the sofa, clutching my head with both hands.

 

Lately, whenever I was alone, I found myself spiralling into moments of mental chaos. Ever since returning from Ayutthaya, I couldn't stop thinking about Third. It happened every five minutes, or was it every three? I wasn't sure. For instance, if I were eating spicy basil stir-fry, I'd catch myself thinking, 'Third probably wouldn't eat something this spicy. Or if I saw someone holding a green tea latte, I'd remember that it was his favourite drink.

 

On set, my eyes would constantly drift toward him. When we shared scenes, I'd get nervous and avoid direct eye contact. And when he messaged me on LINE (usually about work-related stuff), my heart would race as I reread the same message over and over. 

 

Before bed, I'd find myself wondering if Third was asleep yet. Somehow, that man had taken over more than seventy per cent of my thoughts. As someone who experienced love exactly once before, this felt eerily similar to how I'd been in high school when I had a crush on my ex.

 

The symptoms were identical. So, does that mean I have a crush on Third now?! The realisation, which had been simmering for a while, left my throat dry. I thought it through, what I felt for Third wasn't just admiration or idolization as I felt for Nine. If it were mere admiration, I wouldn't wish for Third's warm smile to be directed at me alone. I wouldn't feel that strange pang in my chest when rewatching his older works with love scenes featuring other actors.

My heart was playing cruel tricks on me. From despising Third, the cocky lead actor who was a bad boy on camera and a walking freezer off-camera, I somehow found myself frozen in place. A complete 180-degree turnaround. I felt conflicted, part of me wanted Third to know I liked him, while another part didn't want him to find out at all!

 

But if I kept obsessing over this, I wouldn't be able to focus on work. So, I decided to act normally and observe his behaviour. I didn't even know if he liked men. Just because he starred in BL dramas didn't mean he was LGBTQ+. Even I, who'd always thought of myself as a straight guy, was shocked to find myself liking Third. But sexuality could be fluid throughout life. Maybe I was bisexual. As for Third... if it turned out he didn't see me as anything more than a coworker, or if he was already talking to someone, I'd probably just quietly move on.

 

"Morning, P'Cher," I greeted as I climbed into the van.

 

"Morning. Here," P'Cher handed me a lightly sweetened latte, as usual.

 

"Thanks," I replied, nodding at Renji, who sat behind P'Cher with half-closed eyes, looking like he'd been dragged out of bed against his will. I quickly made my way to the back seat, plugged in my AirPods, and connected them to my phone.

 

"P'Wan, why do you always sit in the back these days? Do I smell bad or something?" The kid whined groggily. I used to sit next to him every time we got in the van.

 

"No, I just want some peace and quiet," I said with a smile. The truth? I sat in the back so no one could see my phone screen!

 

I opened my secret account and started scrolling through LINE timelines and hashtags. I clicked on Third's tag and browsed through updates his fans had posted, Instagram photos, stories, event pictures, and interview clips.

 

I stumbled upon a thread where fans had compiled his social commentary on various issues, like advocating for marriage equality and other legal reforms. I'd seen snippets before but had never paid attention because of my bias against him. Now, after listening to his perspectives, I am even more impressed.

 

"If men and women can marry and receive legal rights, then people of any gender should have the same rights. Laws shouldn't discriminate against human rights based on gender. Marriage equality should've been established long ago. But since it hasn't happened yet, I encourage everyone to join the fight for justice for all humans."

 

He's an actor who uses his fame well. His fans must be so proud. I, too, aspire to use my fame to contribute to society as much as I can.

 

"Wan."

"Wan!"

 

"Yes?!" P'Cher's loud call startled me out of my Third induced trance. quickly pulled out my AirPods.

 

"What's up?"

 

"I said there's a cosmetics brand event next week. They just contacted us to have you attend the launch with Third and Nine."

 

"Oh, okay," I replied.

 

Since my viral clip as a vendor, I'd been getting solo gigs, events, photoshoots, and magazine interviews. But this would be my first time at a major brand event, and I'd get to attend with Third.

 

I bit my lip to suppress a smile as I glanced at my phone. At the same time, I was surprised to realise that I had thought of Third before Nine, my original bias. Time changed everything, including my feelings for Nine. They say the love fans had for their idols had a promotional period and an expiration date. Maybe my promotional period had passed. 

 

When I saw notifications about Nine's new posts, I didn't feel the same urge to check them immediately. Maybe it was because we worked together so often that he no longer felt as distant or special. Or maybe it was because I'd seen other sides of him.

 

I knew I shouldn't expect too much from others, but I couldn't help feeling a little disappointed. Just a little. I still admired Nine, but... the thrill and enthusiasm were gone.

 

"So, what were you smiling about earlier?" P'Cher looked at me, her sharp eyes peering over her gold-rimmed glasses. "Were you texting your girlfriend?"

 

"What? No way! I don't have a girlfriend," I shook my head. A girlfriend? Please. I'm over here crushing on someone who doesn't even know!

 

"Good. Let me know if you ever get a girlfriend so I can help you keep it under wraps. Got it? You too, Renji. Understand?" P'Cher said firmly.

 

"Got it," we both replied in unison.

 

Being an actor came with many sacrifices, especially when it came to privacy. For young actors like us, whose careers relied heavily on image, it was almost inevitable to keep relationships a secret. Fans tended to prefer single actors over those publicly in relationships, the agency said. Most agencies didn't forbid their actors from dating, but usually required them to keep it private to protect their image. So, if one were in a relationship, one had to be extra careful. 

 

Everything had to be kept under wraps. Even if you were head over heels and wanted to show off your partner to the world, you could only do so in secret accounts. Publicly revealing a relationship normally happened after the peak of one's career.

 

It's tough, but I guess I'm safe for now. I don't think I'll have a girlfriend or boyfriend anytime soon. Unless, of course, Third likes me back, which is highly unlikely. Haha...

 

"P'Cher, so if someone has a partner but acts like they're just friends, is that okay?" Renji asked, playing the curious kid.

 

"It's fine, but you should still run everything by me before posting anything. You should also talk to your partner about what's appropriate to share on social media. Actually, it's better not to post anything at all, just to be safe," P'Cher replied.

 

"So what if it's the people in the same agency? Is that better?" Asked Renji.

 

"Well, it's not totally fine, but it's easier that way. Why are you asking? Are you dating someone?" P'Cher asked, narrowing her eyes.

 

"No, no, I'm just curious," he laughed softly, his face innocent.

 

I sat there listening, not quite believing what I was hearing. Asking such pointed questions must mean he had a girlfriend or at least someone he liked. But who could Renji possibly like? All day long, he was either hanging out with P'Cher or me. Especially me. He followed me around like a little puppy. Or maybe he liked Porch, another junior from the same agency. But they didn't seem that close or spend much time together. Maybe it was someone outside our circle. Whatever the case, if he didn't want to say, it wasn't polite for me to pry.

 

Why bother with other people's business anyway? I should focus on my own life first. Get it together, Wan. Haaaah...

 

The world kept spinning at its steady rhythm, just like the hands of a clock that never stopped moving unless the clock itself broke. Before I knew it, the series was already halfway through filming. Today, I had an event to attend with Third and Nine at a famous mall in the city centre.

 

"Behave yourself during the press interview, and don't forget to subtly promote the products to the customers. You never know, it might lead to becoming a brand ambassador or future collaborations. Got it?" P'Jarin, my manager, who was personally overseeing me today, reminded me while P'Cher chimed in for emphasis as I was getting my hair and makeup done.

 

"Got it," I replied obediently. Life sure was unpredictable. Back in the day, when there were events like this, I'd be the one standing on tiptoes, craning my neck, and holding up a camera to snap pictures of celebrities. Now, people would be doing that for me instead. But today was a workday. I wondered how many fans would show up to see me. If four or five came, that would be great. Just that would give me enough motivation.

 

"Since you're working with Third and Nine today, more people will probably notice you. Your engagement might go up. Make sure to do an Instagram live in the next couple of days," P'Jarin said while brushing off some dust from his bright red gel-polished nails.

 

"I don't even know what to livestream about anymore," I admitted.

 

"Then just stream something simple, buying groceries, going to 7-Eleven, jogging in the park, anything. Look, I know you're an introvert, but you're a celebrity now. Your life needs to have some content, okay?"

 

"Alright..." I replied, dragging out the word. It wasn't that I didn't want to livestream for my fans; I just didn't know what to say. Talking to a camera wasn't the same as talking to real people, you know? When I talked to myself, I felt like I was going crazy. It would probably take me a while to get used to it.

 

"Alright, let's get ready to head out," P'Jarin said, grabbing his ridiculously expensive designer handbag and slinging it over his arm. He gave me a pat on the shoulder as I finished getting ready. "Let's go a bit early so we'll have time to greet the customers and take some photos."

"Will we see Third..." I blurted out before catching myself. Realising how suspicious that sounded, I quickly added, "...and Nine? I mean, are they already there?"

 

"Not sure. They might have other schedules before this, so we'll probably see them at the event," P'Cher replied, grabbing her bag and striding toward the car, while P'Jarin laughed heartily.

 

"What's this, sweetie? Missing your friends already? Didn't you see them enough on set?"

 

"No, I was just curious," I said quickly. I wasn't excited to see Third at all! I was just wondering what he'd be wearing. From what I'd noticed, he often wore slightly sexy outfits to events, like open-chested suits. It suited his vibe, I guess. I didn't like it much at first, but over time, I had to admit it suited him well...

 

When you like someone, everything looks good on them, I guess. Even in rags, Third would probably still look good to me.

 

We arrived at the event venue nearly an hour early. P'Jarin led me around to greet the clients and introduce myself. I put on my sweetest smile and tried to engage in as much small talk as I could manage. Making conversation was still a bit challenging for me, but P'Cher said I was improving.

 

That's it, Wan. When you go anywhere, try to chat with people like this. It makes you seem approachable and friendly. Celebrities who come across as down-to-earth are more endearing than those who act all high and mighty," P'Jarin lectured animatedly as we walked back to the waiting room. I glanced at the time on my phone. Ten minutes until the event starts.

 

"Wan, your phone," P'Cher said.

 

"Here," I handed her my phone. I figured we'd probably meet Third and Nine at the event. For big stars, it wasn't unusual to be dragged from one event to another, three or four in a single day. By the time they returned home, they must've been utterly drained.

 

Soon, a staff member came to escort us for a briefing. I waited by the exit door, introducing myself to the other artists attending the event. While chatting with a female actress, I heard a familiar voice behind me.

 

"Hey, Wan."

"Hey," I greeted Nine with a smile. He was dressed in a white suit, his makeup in soft peachy-pink tones that perfectly matched the brand's aesthetic.

 

My eyes instinctively drifted to the tall figure of Third, who followed behind him. He wore a navy open-chested suit, accessorised with silver designer jewellery- earrings, necklaces, and rings. His hair was styled to reveal his forehead, and his sharp eyeliner accentuated his intense, captivating eyes.

 

Just seeing Third made my breathing quicken. When he locked eyes with me and raised an eyebrow in greeting, I had to try my hardest not to look away.

 

"Did you two... come from another event?" I asked, trying to make conversation and cover up my nervousness.

 

"Yeah, it's exhausting. You're lucky, Wan, not having to run around like us," Nine replied. His tone was gentle, but his words made me pause for a moment.

 

Is he implying I don't have enough work? No, I'm probably overthinking it. I decided to stay quiet and stop making small talk since it was almost time to go on stage. Third moved closer, so close I could feel the warmth radiating from him. Then, in a low voice, he said softly, "Your outfit looks great today."

 

Wait, wait, wait! Why is my heart racing? He's complimenting the outfit, Wan! Not you!

 

"Uh, thanks. It's the outfit that makes me look a bit better," I replied, trying to suppress my nervousness. I glanced down at my fitted grey suit, which a brand had sponsored. I liked it so much that I considered buying it for myself.

 

"You'd look good even without it," he said.

 

Okay, that's definitely a compliment for me. Crap. Why does he have to make my heart race right before an event? Is he trying to kill me?

 

"Well, yeah. Otherwise, how would I be a celebrity, right? Haha," I joked to cover up my feelings. I heard Third chuckle softly. I could feel his gaze on me, but I didn't dare look back, afraid I'd lose my composure. Thankfully, the event started, and the staff called the artists to take the stage one by one. 

 

Since I was still new, I went out first. The top-tier artists, like Third and Nine, would come out later as the event's highlight. The event itself wasn't too complicated-just smiling, taking photos with the products at various spots in the shop, answering the host's pre-briefed questions, and waving to fans gathered outside. I felt a surge of relief when I saw quite a few people holding signs with my name and cheering for me. After the event, there would be a fan meet, so I'd get to chat with them and catch up.

 

"Now, let's have all the artists take a group photo," a staff member announced. We took a group photo before the event ended, and it was over. It took about an hour. Afterwards, we had a press interview, where they wanted to talk to me, Third, and Nine together since we were all starring in the same series.

 

"Can you tell us about the progress of the series you're filming?" a reporter asked.

 

"We're about fifty per cent done. It'll definitely air this year," Third answered.

 

I nodded along, agreeing with whatever they said. As long as the reporters didn't direct questions at me, I had no intention of stealing the spotlight from the lead actors.

 

"Can you share some behind-the-scenes stories from the set?"

 

"The set? It's fun, really fun. Right?" Nine replied, turning to Third and me, seeking confirmation. I nodded along with him.

 

"Everyone's working really hard, especially Wan, our new friend," Nine added. While I was zoning out, Nine threw the spotlight on me. I quickly snapped back to reality, smiling at the reporters. But my smile faltered when I heard his next sentence.

 

"You know, being new, there are more cuts during his scenes. Sometimes it slows things down a bit, but Wan is really dedicated to his work."

 

".."

 

Hold on. P'Jarin taught me that when giving interviews, if you have to talk about someone else, never say anything negative to avoid misunderstandings. That last comment sounded a bit off. Would people think I was the reason for delays in filming? If we don't count the accident where I missed my cue and punched Third that one time, every other scene and break had been filmed exactly as planned. So why did Nine say that? Or maybe he just blurted it out without meaning to...

 

"And has there been any delay in the filming schedule?"

 

My heart sank when I heard a reporter ask the very question I was worried about.

 

"Well..."

 

"Not at all," a deep voice interrupted from the other side, belonging to the taller figure. My heart pounded loudly in my ears. Just as I felt like I was about to fall into an icy abyss, a hand reached out and grabbed mine, pulling me back to solid ground.

 

"The filming has been going according to plan. And Wan has been improving his acting skills so quickly that even P'Pai, the director, has praised him. Honestly, I think he's better than I was when I first started this path. Please look forward to Wan's performance, as well as the rest of the cast, in this project," he said with a smile to the reporters.

 

I glanced at the sharp-featured man who was smiling at the press. My heart was beating so hard it felt like it might leap out of my chest. The interview continued for a while longer. Eventually, I was pulled aside to do some solo content while Third and Nine continued their joint interview. 

 

I finished my work, then returned to the artist lounge to rest, drink some water, and pack up before heading out to meet the fans. I didn't get a chance to thank Third in person. Before leaving the lounge to meet the fans, I quickly nudged P'Cher. "P'Cher, can I have my phone back for a second?"

 

She handed me my phone, and I quickly opened LINE, went to Third's chat, and typed a message before handing the phone back to her.

 

Thanks a lot for today.

 

Before this, I didn't quite understand why I liked him. But today, I think I found my answer. It's because of his straightforward honesty and his constant protection of others.

 

As the sound of camera shutters faded and the reporters and fans dispersed, the atmosphere between the hottest on-screen pair of the moment shifted dramatically.

 

"What was that you said earlier?"

 

"What do you mean?" Nine raised an eyebrow, looking at his fellow with an innocent expression.

 

"What you said about Wan causing so many cuts. Why did you say that?"

 

"It's the truth. They asked me to share the atmosphere on set, so I just told it like it is," Nine said, plopping down on the sofa and opening a bottle of water as a makeup artist came over to touch up his face.

 

"There were plenty of other things you could've said," Third muttered in a low, displeased tone.  During the interview, he'd noticed how visibly worried Wan looked. He knew exactly why this jerk had said what he did.

 

"Oh, come on. It's not like it's a life-or-death situation," Sunny, their AR, tried to mediate.

 

"Yeah, don't make it a big deal," Nine added. Seeing how unbothered Nine was by his own actions, the taller man clenched his jaw in frustration before speaking in a tightly controlled voice.

 

"Let me have a moment alone with him for a sec."

 

It wasn't a question-it was a command. And the staff, well aware of the rocky relationship between the two, quickly left the room without protest.

 

Click!

As soon as the door closed, Third smirked. "Still haven't dropped your old habits, huh?"

 

"Eh？

 

"That habit of not wanting to see anyone else succeed. Haven't you gotten rid of it yet?"

 

"What are you talking about? I don't understand," Nine said, dropping the sweet and humble act he usually put on. His large eyes gleamed with satisfaction, contradicting his words. "But you... You seem oddly concerned about Wan. Just one trip together, and now you're that close?"

 

"I care about him because I don't want him to go through what you put me through," Third said, stepping closer with a cold glare.

 

"You've already ruined my chances. Isn't that enough? You've got what you wanted now, so stop messing with others. Because if you keep pushing people around, one day, someone's going to dig up your dirt and expose it."

 

"Get yourself together and come out soon. We need to regroup and head home," Third said curtly before striding out of the room, leaving Nine watching him with a smug smile.

 

"It won't go that way, my dear friend," Nine murmured, standing up gracefully and walking to the large mirror, adjusting his hair.

 

"If we destroy others before they destroy us."

 

The day's schedule had finally ended. After regrouping, my team and I went out for dinner. Then, the company van dropped me off at my condo at 9:30 PM.

 

"P'Wan, take off your makeup as soon as you get back, or you'll break out," View called out from her room, scolding me as I slumped, exhausted, on the sofa.

 

"Yeah, yeah," I drawled lazily, but I knew she was right, so I dragged myself to my room to grab some cleansing balm and started wiping my face.

 

I kept glancing at my phone lying on the bed. Third hadn't replied to my message yet. Maybe he was busy, still working, or left his phone with his AR. I knew all this, but I couldn't help being annoyed at myself for waiting so anxiously for a reply!

 

Ding!

I jumped as my phone screen lit up with a notification. A smile spread across my face when I saw Third's name.

 

I grabbed my phone, forgetting my hands were still covered in cleansing balm.

 

It's nothing.

 

Those simple words made me grin widely. I wanted to talk to him more, but didn't know what to say.

 

As if he could read my mind, he called me. I froze, swallowing nervously as I answered. This was the first time Third had ever called me.

 

"H-Hello?"

[.Hey.]

 

He didn't seem to know how to start the conversation either, but he still called

 

"What's up?" I asked, secretly hoping he'd bring up something interesting, though I figured it'd be about today's interview.

 

[Don't worry about today.]

His deep voice said exactly what I'd expected. On the outside, Third seemed cold, but he cared deeply about the feelings of those around him. I wished his fans and even his critics could see this side of him.

 

"Yeah, I'm not worried. I know Nine didn't mean anything by it," I said. 

 

As someone who'd been a fan of Nine for a long time, I knew he had a habit of speaking without thinking. This was just a small mistake; he probably didn't have any bad intentions. There was a pause before Third spoke again. 

 

[Good, as long as you're not worried.]

 

Then there was silence. Neither of us knew what to say. I didn't want to hang up, but 1 knew we'd finished talking. I should let him rest...

 

[Wan.]

"Yeah?"

 

[If you ever feel troubled, you can talk to me.]

 

His short, monotone words made me smile wider. My heart raced as I teased him, "You said it. If I call you every day, don't complain later."

 

He chuckled softly and said something that made my eyes widen and my heart pound even harder.

[Go ahead. I'll be waiting]

 

"-I'm still taking off my makeup. Talk later!" I blurted out quickly and hung up, burying my face in my knees and letting out a muffled squeal.

 

I was the one who teased him first, but when he teased me back, I lost my composure and couldn't continue the conversation. How embarrassing!

 

Amid my embarrassment, I felt a glimmer of hope. I wondered if Third was just joking, or if he really wouldn't mind if I called him every day. Because if it was the latter, then maybe-just maybe-this love of mine wasn't entirely impossible.

Right..?

 

I didn't know if it was normal for most people or if I was just the unluckiest person alive, but every time I thought my life was going well, something always happened to take away my smile.

 

The phone on my bedside table buzzed annoyingly. Half-asleep, I  grabbed it and saw it was a call from my AR. It's only 5:30 AM. I don't have any filming scheduled today. Why is P'Cher calling me so early? Waking someone up while they're sleeping is a sin, you know!

 

Despite my thoughts, my instincts told me something was wrong. P'Cher wouldn't call me at dawn unless it was urgent. I quickly answered the call.

 

"Hello?"

[Wan, sorry to wake you, but there's a bit of an issue.] 

 

My AR's voice carried a rare note of concern. My heart suddenly dropped into my stomach when I heard her next sentence.

 

[Late last night, someone spread a rumour on social media that you and Third had a fight on set, and it escalated to physical violence. They're saying you were the one who attacked him first. The hashtag is trending with almost 500,000 mentions now. For now, don't go on social media and don't answer any calls from anyone except your parents. Let me and P'Jarin handle this first, and we'll call you back later.]

 

"Alright," I replied, my throat dry as sandpaper. After hanging up with P'Cher, I raised my hands to rub my temples. What the hell is going on?