Mr Fanboy

"Aaaahhh!!! Kyaaaaaaa!!!"

 

The piercing screams that filled the air didn't faze me one bit. I was used to this kind of environment. Oh, and that numbness in my legs from standing for three straight hours? Yeah, I was used to that, too.

 

"N'Nine!!!" 

 

"Aaaahhh, you're so gorgeous!!!"

 

"N'Nine! Keep going, sweetie!!!"

 

And a whole bunch of other high-pitched voices surrounded me, all blending into a chaotic cacophony. Luckily, my height of 178 centimetres gave me an advantage in this crowd of dozens, maybe even hundreds, of women packed into the small space the event organisers had designated for fans. We were all here for the launch of a new supplement brand at a famous mall in the heart of Bangkok.

 

Even though I was taller than most of the girls around me, I still had to stand on my toes, raising my trusty DSLR camera with its 70-200mm zoom lens to get the best possible shot. The sound of my shutter clicking furiously competed with the fans' screams. As I snapped away, I couldn't help but admire the model before me.

 

Wow, Nine is incredible. He's shining under the spotlight as always. No wonder he's on track to become one of the top stars in the industry. Totally deserving of that New Actor of the Year award!

 

I hid my smile behind the black mask covering my face, my eyes and hands focused on the camera as I kept clicking the shutter. From where I stood, I could only see his profile from a distance with the naked eye. But thanks to the power of my zoom lens, I could clearly see even the tiny mole next to his ear. Even his mole looks good. That's my favourite star, my ultimate bias!

 

"Nine!!!"

 

"Kyaaaaaa!!!"

 

The fans, who proudly called themselves Nine's mommies, screamed as he waved to them after the press had finished taking photos. The event staff guided him to a seat reserved for the artists and VIP guests. The fans quickly shifted their cameras toward him, snapping photos and recording videos as the event officially began.

 

Man, it's hot. So damn hot! No matter how cold the mall's air conditioning was, it didn't help when you were crammed in with a crowd for hours. Still, it was better than an outdoor event. 

 

So, I powered through, using my camera lens as my eyes, my fingers clicking the shutter nonstop as Nine waved and playfully interacted with the fans. My heart skipped a beat when I realised Nine was looking directly at my camera.

 

Oh my god!!!

 

Of course, that was just me screaming internally. If I'd actually yelled out loud, I would've startled everyone around me. I didn't want to scare the girls nearby, so I tried my best to keep my cool. No one could see the huge grin hidden under my mask. 

 

My legs were still numb, but I wasn't going to complain anymore! I could stand here for another half a day if it meant moments like this! When your favourite star was right in front of you, all the discomfort and exhaustion from the past few hours became meaningless.

 

After nearly an hour, the event finally came to an end. I kept snapping photos as Nine and the other artists posed for a group picture with the bigwigs whose names I couldn't remember. Once they stepped off the stage, reporters immediately surrounded Nine, as expected for a rising star. After finishing his interviews, he waved to the fans for a couple more minutes before heading to the artists' lounge.

 

The crowd around me dispersed like ants scattering from a disturbed nest. Some fans followed Nine as he left with his assistant and security team, while the rest, including me, stayed back, watching him from afar. I felt a twinge of disappointment that there wasn't a fan meet-and-greet today. But it was okay. Just seeing Nine's face for half an hour gave me enough energy to get through the week!

 

"Hey, are you a Nine fanboy?"

 

As I was trying to catch a last glimpse of my bias, a girl approached me with her friend. Her phone case had Nine's pictures, so she was clearly part of the same fandom.

 

"Uh... yeah," I replied.

 

"Aww, that's so cute! See you at the next event!" They smiled warmly before walking away.

 

"Yeah," I mumbled, pulling my mask up a bit higher and awkwardly waving back.

 

"Wan! Hey! Over here!"

 

Not even three seconds after the girls left, I heard a familiar voice calling my name from a distance. Turning toward the sound, I saw Jay, my classmate, waving enthusiastically for me to come over.

 

"Your N'Pink's gone already?"

 

"Yeah, she left a bit before your Nine," Jay, who was also a fan (of a girl group), replied. He'd come to the event with me since his bias was attending, too. He leaned forward, trying to see where I'd just come from. 

 

"What was that earlier? Did a girl hit on you?"

 

"She just said hi. We're in the same fandom."

 

"Oh, really? Damn, I thought you were finally gonna get a girlfriend." Jay laughed, throwing an arm around my shoulder. 

 

"Come on, Wan! Let's grab something to eat. I need to sit down and upload my photos. N' Pink was stunning today, man. She even did the cat punch pose for my camera!"

 

"Nine looked at my camera, too."

 

"Damn! We're on a roll today, getting moments with our biases!" Jay clicked his tongue, his face lighting up with excitement. I couldn't stop smiling under my mask either as we walked side by side to grab dinner before heading home.

 

Over bowls of ramen, our conversations naturally revolved around our favourite stars. Jay and I took turns bragging about the moments we captured. Even a split second of eye contact from our biases was enough to spark a debate. After about ten minutes of animated chatter, I emerged victorious, proving with my camera's timestamp that Nine had looked at my camera three seconds longer than N’Pink had looked at Jay's.

 

It might seem silly, but hey, everyone needs a little harmless fun to brighten their lives, right?

 

"So, have you thought of a research topic yet?" I asked as we walked through the mall's parking lot toward our motorbikes.

 

"Not yet. You?"

 

"Of course. It's due tomorrow."

 

For the record, despite how I might seem, I always managed my time well when it came to studying. My parents worked hard to support my education, and I wasn't about to disappoint them. Jay, on the other hand, was a different story. He'd show up to class just to get his name checked off and then sneak out to see N' Pink. He'd even gone to concerts and come back so late that he almost missed exams. I'd been nagging him about it since sophomore year, and now, in our senior year, he still hadn't changed.

 

"Crap. Guess I'm pulling an all-nighter," Jay groaned, running a hand through his already messy hair. His expression was just as dishevelled as his hair. "Alright, I'm heading back to work on my project. See you tomorrow."

 

"Yeah, later. Drive safe."

 

"You too." He waved goodbye before hopping on his motorbike and riding off. I turned to my beloved black Scoopy, grabbed my helmet from under the seat, and rode back to my condo. 

 

I rented a place near the university, about 500 meters from the Skytrain station. Even though I had a motorbike and didn't rely on public transportation, I had to consider the other person living with me, who couldn't ride a motorbike.

 

"P'Wan! You're late!"

 

As soon as I pushed open the door at 9:30 PM, a sharp voice called out my name. Three seconds later, a petite girl with a face strikingly similar to mine emerged from the bedroom, arms crossed and leaning against the doorframe, her brows furrowed like a nagging old lady.

 

"Wow, look at you. Did you go to a fan event or a battlefield? You look completely drained."

"Why don't you try standing for four or five hours straight? Even guys get tired, you know," I replied to View, my little sister who often acted more like my mom, as I staggered toward the couch.

 

Honestly, as much as I was dedicated to my bias, I didn't enjoy standing around for hours. Back when I first started taking photos of celebrities, I didn't know much about fan culture. I once showed up an hour before an event started, only to find all the good spots already taken. Even with a zoom lens that could capture every pore, bad angles still ruined photos.

 

Ugh, it's about time this changed. When will people stop camping out half a day before events?

 

"Ouch!"

 

"There you go again, being clumsy," my sister teased as I stubbed my toe on the couch leg, wincing in pain.

 

"Have you eaten yet?"

 

"Yeah, I have."

 

"Good, because even if you hadn't, I wouldn't have gotten you anything," she said with a smug smirk, letting out a little huff like a spoiled anime princess. I rolled my eyes. I was used to our sibling banter, where ten teasing words followed every three normal ones.

 

"And don't just flop down like that, P' Wan. Go take a shower already. You stink."

 

"Are you my sister or my mom, View? Go do your homework."

 

"It's done already! You, on the other hand, stop fangirling so much that you forget your work. Be careful, or you might not graduate!"

 

"Yeah, yeah, I won't forget. Go on, go study, or you won't get into university," I replied lazily, waving off my mischievous little sister.

She huffed and turned on her heel, heading back to her room. I sat there for a while until I felt rested, then got up and went to my bedroom to grab a towel for a shower. 

 

After cleaning up and washing my hair, I felt refreshed. I returned to my desk in my room, opened my laptop, launched my photo editing software, and uploaded the pictures I'd taken earlier today. I carefully selected the best shots and began editing them with joy. I'd been rambling on for a while now, but it seemed like I forgot to introduce myself.

 

Hello there. Archawin Sukkosol was my first and last name. You'd heard my nickname from Jay and my sister. I was twenty-one years old and a senior in the Faculty of Communication Arts, majoring in Public Relations. But I wasn't some important figure contributing to the nation, so my biography probably wasn't as interesting as the story I was about to tell you.

 

I called myself a fanboy. Yes, that's right. I was a die-hard fan of a rising male actor named Noppanat or Nine! My journey as a fan began about two years ago. Back then, I was a sophomore and took up freelance photography of celebrities to earn some pocket money. 

 

I'd always loved photography, and being a good kid, I wanted to help ease my parents' financial burden. So, I saved up to buy lenses and started taking pictures of celebrities to sell to fans who couldn't attend events themselves.

 

You might be wondering if this was a real job. Well, let me tell you, I got paid pretty well. That day, I was hired to photograph a famous BL series actor around Siam. Since the series was airing at the time, he was incredibly popular, and the place was packed with fans. Every corner was crammed with excited girl fans, all jostling and stepping on each other in the chaos.

 

I stood on the outer edge, almost at the very back, zooming in with all my might to take pictures. But even then, people kept pushing in to find their own angles. Amid the shoving, there was a moment when someone bumped into me so hard that I lost my balance.

 

"Careful!"

 

Before I could fall flat on my butt and embarrass myself, a hand grabbed my arm just in time.

"Tha-" I looked up to thank the person who helped me, but the rest of my words got stuck in my throat.

 

Standing before me was one of the most handsome men I'd ever seen. He had flawless, fair skin and large, expressive eyes. His face was partially hidden under a black cap. He wore an oversized white T-shirt, jeans, and sneakers. His features were a perfect blend of handsome and beautiful, and he smiled softly at me, who was still frozen in shock. When he smiled, his eyes curved into crescent moons.

 

He was the kind of guy I could confidently call ridiculously cute. Some friends had told me I had a sweet face, but this guy was on a whole other level-ten, no, a hundred times better.

 

"Th-thank you, "I stammered, still dazed and embarrassed. When I glanced at him again, I couldn't help but think, Is it even possible for someone to look this good? Even the actor I was there to photograph didn't hold a candle to him.

 

"Are you a fan of Ozone?" he asked, striking up a conversation.

 

"Oh... uh... yeah," I replied vaguely. Explaining to a stranger that I was there on a freelance photography gig would've been too weird.

 

He looked at the stage. From where we stood, without a camera, the artist performing on stage looked no bigger than an ant. Yet, he watched intently for a moment before turning back to me, who was still staring at him, momentarily forgetting my job.

 

"He's really captivating, isn't he? I want to be like that someday,” he said.

 

"I'm working on it. One day, I'll get there," he added with a light laugh, flashing me another smile that made his eyes crinkle into crescents.

 

"...Good luck, "I managed to say after being stunned for about three seconds. That smile had me flustered, even as a guy. I could already picture him charming audiences on stage with that smile.

 

"Thanks. I'll be going now," he said, smiling one last time before walking away.

 

Amid the screams of fans, the booming music from the speakers, and the bustling crowd in Bangkok's most famous shopping district, his retreating figure was the only thing clear in my vision. At that moment, he shone brighter than the actual artist performing on stage.

 

The impression he left on me took root and grew instantly. After returning from Siam that day, I tried to find out who he was. Unfortunately, I wasn't familiar with the entertainment industry and knew only a few young celebrities. When I asked some female friends, they suggested he might be a social media influencer, a trainee artist, or a supporting actor in a series.

 

In the end, I couldn't figure out who he was and regretted not taking a picture of him that day. Without any leads, I decided that if I ever saw him again, I'd cheer him on and support him wholeheartedly. Sure, I appreciated his help, but his determination impressed me more. And, well... his smile was adorable. I guess you could call this admiration.

 

Then, one day, fate brought us together again. He made his acting debut as the protagonist's friend (basically a supporting role). That's when I learned his name-Nine. He was a new actor. It felt like I'd unlocked an SSS-level mission. I was thrilled to have finally found him. 

 

I immediately followed his Instagram and, of course, watched the series he was in. Even as a rookie, Nine's acting was so natural and smooth that it outshone the lead actors. I wasn't exaggerating-he truly had a knack for acting. I followed all his social media platforms and watched his interviews, behind-the-scenes clips, event footage, and more. Before I knew it, I was attending his events to take pictures without having to hire anyone.

 

Nine wasn't just about looks; he had talent and determination. He didn't rise to fame overnight but steadily climbed the ladder from supporting roles, earning recognition and opportunities along the way. He pursued his dreams relentlessly, just as he'd told me that day. I admired his talent and was deeply impressed by his perseverance. I became his full-fledged fanboy. 

 

Normally, I'd just casually enjoy music or acting performances, mostly from female artists. I never thought I'd become this invested in a male celebrity. At first, I wondered if being this into a male actor was weird, attending his events and all. But then I thought, I'm not hurting anyone. Life's short-why not do what makes me happy? If I want to fanboy over my bias 24/7, that's my business. My parents don't mind, so why should I care about what others think?

 

Still, it was easy to talk big when you were alone. Honestly, I still felt self-conscious in public. Most of Nine's fans were girls, so whenever I attended events, I'd wear a hat and mask to cover my face, playing the lone wolf without any fellow fanboys in sight.

Because of Nine, I saved up for nearly half a year to buy a lens worth fifty thousand baht just to photograph him. Of course, I still took freelance gigs for other artists, so it was also an investment in my career. Oh, and I even created a separate account just to vote and trend hashtags for him. I bought official merchandise from his agency and watched as his fanbase grew from just a handful to hundreds at his events.

 

Nine seemed to be thriving as an actor. Over the past two years, he went from minor roles to supporting ones. His latest project received rave reviews, with people on social media praising his acting skills until it went viral. Last month, I heard he was set to star in a BL series as the lead! Did you know how proud I was of my idol? 

 

Nine had everything it took to be number one. He had good looks, a charming personality, and a respectful demeanour that endeared him to everyone. His acting skills were top-notch, and his singing voice, which I'd heard during live streams and events, was amazing. With his upcoming lead role in a BL series, I was so sure he'd release songs soon, showcasing yet another talent. He was the complete package. The top spot wasn't far off for him. My bias was absolutely incredible!!!

 

The role of a fan like me was to help push him toward his dreams, to go as far and as high as possible. Whatever trending topics or hashtags came up, I was ready. I had dozens of secret accounts to support him. I attended almost every event to cheer him on. It was a shame I couldn't participate in the top spender campaigns because, as a student, I had so many expenses. Plus, I had a younger sister. I didn't want to burden my parents by spending my allowance on top spender campaigns worth hundreds of thousands of baht. Instead, supported taking good photos and videos, editing clips, and posting them on X, Facebook groups, and TikTok to help more people reach him.

 

Was it tiring? Of course, it was. Carrying a camera with a lens as big as a Bigfoot's thigh wasn't exactly light. Even though I was a guy, attending each event meant waiting for at least 4 to 5 hours. Some events required waiting since morning, even though they didn't start until 7 PM. Cramps, back pain, and then coming home to edit clips and photos-it all took time.

 

But all my exhaustion was worth it. Just seeing Nine's smile, his face, and his soft voice as he spoke made all that tiredness disappear as if it had never existed. This was the love of a fan. Underline the word 'fan.' Let me clarify that I never thought of him romantically. If you'd never been a fan, you wouldn't understand. All of this was pure goodwill with no hidden agenda. just wanted to see him succeed. I didn't know how long this love would last, but I'd give him my all for now. 

 

One day, when he grew more successful and was loved by many, I might be able to let go and watch him from afar, just as I'd always intended.

 

I clicked my mouse, editing photos while admiring my own photography skills. The mall lighting was tricky, but I still managed to take beautiful shots. Nine's skin was so flawless that he barely needed to retouch anything.

 

Sometimes, I wondered how someone could look this good. I quickly uploaded this photo set. The world needed to know just how amazing my favourite idol looked. 

 

"Crap, it's 1 AM already.." I muttered when I glanced at the time on the bottom of my screen. If I didn't have an 8 AM class tomorrow, I would've stayed up editing TikTok clips a bit longer. I closed my laptop, dragged myself to turn off the lights, and collapsed onto my bed, falling asleep almost

instantly.

 

"Well, you're all set now, huh? Your research topic got approved!" Jay's loud, half-sarcastic voice rang out as soon as the professor left the room.

 

"Set my ass. Doing research isn't that easy." I sighed heavily, slumping face-first onto the desk, still feeling a bit groggy. No senior in any faculty could escape the hell called research. 

 

The topic I chose was The Image of BL Series Actors and Its Impact on Social Media Promotion.' Well, I picked this topic because it was interesting, not because I was a fanboy!

 

Just thinking about the sleepless nights ahead, fixing drafts like "final.docx,' "final_for_real.docx,' and final_for_real_this_time doc' made me wish the world would end. But at least I didn't have to come up with a new research topic. Too bad Jay wasn't as lucky as me.

 

"I haven't even gotten my topic approved. Help me think of one, Wan. Pleaseee~"

 

"Fine, fine," I sighed deeply, feeling resigned. Alright, I'll help this poor puppy. Maybe I'll get an A in this class as a reward.

 

"That's the spirit! Now that's what friends are for!" Jay's eyes lit up, his excitement annoyingly obvious. I rolled my eyes at his overly cheerful face, stuffed my papers into my backpack, slung it over my shoulder, and walked out of the room, heading to the cafeteria for lunch.

 

"Oh, right, check this out," Jay suddenly smacked my arm repeatedly as we walked, making me turn to look at his phone.

 

"What is it?"

 

"Look, they're holding auditions for a BL series." He turned his phone screen toward me, showing a Facebook page of a production company announcing auditions for a new BL series.

 

"Deep Dive: Into Your Heart. Doesn't the title sound familiar? Isn't it the one your favourite idol got the lead role in? The one you were rambling about last week?"

 

"Yeah," I nodded enthusiastically. This series was about swimmers, friendship, competition, and a love triangle-blah, blah, blah. Nine had landed the lead role. He was one of the main characters, or, as BL fans called him, the 'uke' or 'bottom.' But really, he should have just been called the lead character.

 

"Here's your chance, Wan. You should audition."

 

"Huh?!" Jay's suggestion made me stop in my tracks, my eyebrows knitting together in utter confusion.

 

"Why would I?"

 

"Why not? I even tried once. Didn't get in, though. Damn it," he said, pouting at the memory of his failed attempt.

 

Jay once wanted to break into the entertainment industry. He said it seemed like an easy way to get rich (probably forgetting that only ten per cent of people actually succeed in this field). But no matter how many auditions he went to, he never got through. It wasn't because he wasn't good-looking; he was. The problem was that his character didn't match what the producers were looking for, or maybe his acting wasn't up to par.

 

I shook my head firmly. "No way."

 

"Come ooon! They look at your face first, and you've got the look. Big eyes, sweet face-what do they call it? The typical uke look or something. Use your looks to your advantage for once!"

 

"Even if I look the part, bad acting would ruin it. I can't act," I rolled my eyes. Just because I was studying communications didn't mean I could act. My major wasn't even related to acting; it leaned more toward marketing.

 

"Nobody's born knowing how to act. You learn it. If you pass the audition, they'll send you to acting workshops," Jay kept pushing.

 

"No-"

 

"Your research topic is about BL actors, right? Think about it, Wan. If you audition and get in, you'll have firsthand data for your research. Plus, you'll get to be close to Nine. Who knows, you might even become famous and won't have to struggle to find a job after graduation. It's a win-win!" 

 

My best friend was practically a hired promoter at this point. "Come on, Wan. I want a friend who's a celebrity."

 

"No," I insisted, though my eyes started darting around nervously. His points were tempting, but I had no acting experience, no connections in the entertainment industry, and no one to guide me. I was just a fanboy. Even if I auditioned, I wouldn't make it.

 

"Opportunities like this don't come around often, you know."

 

"No...

 

"Wan-"

 

"Nope! End of discussion. Let's eat," I said, wrapping an arm around Jay's neck, covering his mouth to shut him up, and dragging him toward the cafeteria.

 

Stop overthinking. Stop dreaming. The entertainment industry was fiercely competitive. I'd never been interested in this path anyway.

Me, auditioning for a BL series?

No way. Not a chance...