Love Mechanics

Chapter 26. Déjà vu.

 

[Mark Masa]

 

P'Vee's words still linger in my ears, even though over a week has passed. His forlorn face and painful gaze float into my mind, although I try hard to forget it, just like how I can't forget the owner of that face. No matter how much I try to forget P'Vee, he still ends up in my heart. And just recently, his soft pleading, as if his heart were about to break into pieces, broke my resolve.

 

It's not that I wasn't surprised to see him that day. I was startled, and didn't quite know what to do either. But what I had been determined to do, upon the advice of others, made me express myself in that manner, which I'd been doing for over half a month, though my yearning for him didn't reduce to even a half. He suffered, and so did I.

 

"Are you gonna sit with that blank face for long, Mister?" I turn to Fuse, who greets me.

 

"Who are you callin' Mister?" I reply calmly as he frowns at me.

 

"I'm really fed up with your aura, I'm tellin' ya. You were a calm dude before, but these days it's even worse. It's like I'm with some dark entity." Fuse says and makes a frightened face at me.

 

"If it's that bad, then don't come near me." I retort, before turning my attention back to my studies.

 

"You play hard to get, you play it cool, but when he doesn't contact you, you long for him." Kamphan sits beside me and speaks into my ear.

 

"Long for him, my ass.." I turn to him to respond, then turn back.

 

"Yeah, P'Vee, my daddy, you definitely long for him, huh?" Fuse sits to the other side of me and bumps his shoulder against mine. I turn to look at him wearily and shift my body away. Who says I long for him...?

 

I'm just surprised that he hasn't shown up lately. It may have been since that day he came to see me. After that, we coincidentally ran into each other from time to time, and though he used to make excuses to come over and see me, I don't see him around at all these days.

 

*I'm like whatever." I reply to him, while my stupid eyes gaze at the door.

"Aren't you going too far with playing hard to get with your hubby? Maybe you should give him a chance to explain himself." Kamphan suggests wryly.

 

"Who's the hubby?" I quickly turn and respond to him.

 

"P'Vee. Or is it you?" He leans his neck over as if to ask, but I simply roll my eyes.

Why talk about water under the bridge? But chiding my friend is the same as chiding myself. Why waste time thinking about someone who's already come through and passed by?

 

I admit that these days, so many people are approaching me, but none of them are like P'Vee. I talk to them to forget, and try to behave the same way I advised him to when he was dealing with P'Ploy's breakup. Still, in the end, I realise that for the ones we love, it doesn't matter how good other people in our lives are; we simply cannot forget the ones we love so dearly. It wouldn't be strange for him not to be able to forget P'Ploy, because even I cannot forget P'Vee despite the others who enter my life. No matter who I embrace, I think of him. No matter who I look at, his face is also there. But to go back to him now is out of the question.

 

I just wanted him to put in a bit more effort, but he simply disappeared after a week or two. How fitting of him.

 

"He's in his third year now, so he's busy with his studies," Fuse says and turns to me, though I don't react.

 

"He's not interested in him. He saw him with another dude in his room, even, but didn't seem too bothered by it."

 

"How do you know?"

 

"Hey! Don't you know, I'm about to start a gossip page to rival P'Dew's," Kamphan replies to Fuse.

 

"You know so well about meddling in other people's affairs." I turn to chide my friend.

 

"How are these other people? It's about you and my senior." I turn my face away, not wanting to bicker with them anymore. It's a waste of breath, just like how useless it is to wait for him these days.

 

The studies for today seem easy, but I can't grasp them because I can't focus or because I keep thinking about other matters. I don't have to focus my thinking on such nonsensical things. Is it necessary to think about where he is, about his well-being, or whether he's with anyone or not? I'm sometimes fed up with my foolishness.

 

"Ya heading back to your room?" Fuse nudges me and asks.

"I think..."

 

"Fuse!" A voice interjects before I can complete my sentence, making everyone who's still in the classroom turn and look.

 

"P'Vee! Where have you been, bro? Whoa, I missed ya." Fuse turns his attention away from what I have to say and walks over towards the one heaving in front of the room.

 

"Who misses me?" P'Vee says to Fuse, though his eyes glance towards me.

 

"Me, I miss you, don't look at others." Fuse stretches his body to block me and speaks up.

 

"I disappeared not because I wanted you to miss me." P'Vee stops looking at me and turns his attention to Fuse.

 

"Then why did you disappear? And where to?" Fuse asks P'Vee, who falls silent before glancing at me.

 

"Well...that's my business. Anyhow, I came to invite you to help out with the promotional photos for the upcoming camping event." P'Vee tries to change the subject.

 

"Another lame excuse. Can't you just call me to tell me that?" Fuse smirks and asks.

 

"Well.. whatever...let's go now."

 

"Are you crazy? You said it to me just now—do you expect me just to go that easily? This is the faculty Prom King you're dealing with. Please direct all job-related inquiries to my personal manager." Fuse gestures to Kamphan as soon as he finishes talking. The one standing beside me shifts his body and crosses his arms.

"I'm terribly sorry, Mr Vee. It seems the faculty Prom King's schedule is fully booked for the day." Kamphan says to P'Vee.

 

"Stop fooling around, guys. I'm being serious here." P'Vee snaps back.

 

"But really, P'Vee, today P'Yeewa asked me to go help her out with another campus event," Fuse says with seriousness.

 

"Oh, really..." P'Vee utters softly and nods along. "Then what should I do?" The handsome fellas look at each other, before Fuse looks towards me.

 

"If there's not too much to do, then how about my friend goes instead?" Fuse turns and suggests to P'Vee.

 

"Kamphan?"

 

"No, Mark. What can an idiot like Kamphan possibly do?" The name that comes out of my friend's mouth makes me look up at him. Fuse looks into my eyes and flashes me a smile. Bastard friend...

 

"Your friend's gonna allow that?" The elder one queries, looking up at me. He looks so pitiful that I feel guilty.

 

"Mark! Help me out a bit. It's a faculty event." I look up at the friend who shouts out calmly. How coincidental could this be? But the important thing is I dislike these kinds of activities.

 

"I don't wanna do it," I reply to Fuse, who opens his mouth as if to chide me, though the other person's expectant face clearly displays disappointment.

 

"Hey! It's just a little bit. Won't take long." Fuse tries to persuade me.

 

"Yeah...just help him out a bit. You know he's really occupied. How can he avoid the campus event? And this promotional photo thingy is needed urgently too, right, P'Vee?" Kamphan says to me and shouts out the last part to the one at the bottom.

 

"If you really don't wanna do it, then I can approach Keng at the electrical engineering department instead."mHis words seem understanding, though the eyes that look at me express dismay and disappointment.

 

"Hey, P... feel bad. It's my job, actually. Let me convince him. You just go on ahead and wait there. What time's the shoot?" My friend is such a nice person. He speaks so respectfully to his senior, but doesn't bother to ask me a word.

 

"Did I say I was gonna go yet?" I utter, prompting the two people below to look up at me.

 

"You've got to." He turns and deliberates to me. "I'll take care of this, P'', you go on ahead." He turns to say to P'Vee once again. The elder one seems to hesitate, but eventually nods in agreement.

 

"6 o'clock at the Prom King-Prom Queen rehearsal room," P'Vee says to Fuse, before walking out. The sharp eyes lock with mine briefly, and then quickly avoid my gaze. I myself dare not lock eyes with him for too long, as his eyes have a real impact on my brain. Just one moment looking into them makes my brain go completely blank, as if I cannot think of anything.

 

"I beg of you!" I flinch upon hearing my friend's voice ring out near me. I have no idea when Fuse walked over to my desk. He places his elbow on the table and leans in to say it loudly to me.

 

"But I don't..."

"You wanna go. Believe me." He interjects before I can finish.

 

"I agree with him, Mark. You miss him, and he misses you, too. Just try going. Think of it as helping out your friend, at least. And if something comes out of it, you can know what your next move will be." Kamphan says.

 

"That's true...and when you say you've gotten over him and all, I don't buy that. So just go, and once the activity is over, you guys can talk it out. Even I've become fed up seeing you guys go around in circles." Fuse glares at my eyes as he speaks.

 

"Well!.."

 

"Go grab a bite. There'll be some munchies inside the room, but it's better to get something to eat before heading in. Anyhow, I've gotta run. Take care of it for me, okay?" He pats my shoulder once, winks at the one beside me, and rushes out. I have no chance to object.

 

"So do I have to accompany you there? C'mon..let's go get something to eat." Kamphan suggests.

"Do I really have to go?" I inquire.

 

"What a silly question. We already concluded that you've gotta go." I let out a sigh before standing up and walking out of the room. I'll think of it as helping out with a faculty event.

 

I sit there making a stupid face at the Prom-King-Prom Queen rehearsal room. Kamphan dropped me off twenty freakin' minutes early and just left me here. While he first said he'd accompany me, he later said he had some urgent matters to attend to, leaving me high and dry.

 

I feel awkward having to do something like this. I didn't compete for the faculty Prom King title, and don't really like having my photo taken. I have no idea what made me agree to do this. Perhaps it was my friend's persuasion, or the eyes of that person who looked at me. But I'll just try this for once, like what my friend suggested. I myself am fine with the events that transpired—the time I spent made me realise that I really can't stop thinking about him.

 

"Are you Fuse's friend who's gonna take the photo shoot in place of him?" A female senior comes over to greet me.

 

"Yes." I turn back to look at her and reply flatly. She blinks at me before turning to her friend.

 

"Oh my...it's Mark. Have you gotten cuter?" She smiles at me after teasing.

 

"Hasn't he always been a cutey? It seems your eyes were just not good enough to catch that from the beginning." The other senior mentions.

 

"Yeah...well, my bad then. My name's P'Praew by the way." I make an even more stupid face when she introduces herself to me first. As the younger person, it should be me who does that.

 

"Um....."

 

"Oi! No need to get all tense. Drop the protocol. We're simple folks. I'm P'Cherry, by the way." The other senior says.

 

"Hello." What else can I do apart from lifting my hands to greet them with a wai gesture?

 

"We're waiting for the cameraman and lighting guy. I told them to come around 5:30, but they're still not here yet." P'Praew complains.

 

"We're here. So who's the model? I heard from Yeewa that Fuse isn't available." The familiar voice I often hear rings out, prompting everyone to look in that direction.

 

"My goodness..it's my hubby Mark." P'Tee places his hand on his chest and walks over to me.

 

"Keep your emotions in check, please. He's here to give me moral support." P'Lily shoves P'Tee's head and walks in front of him instead.

 

"Um, auntie....he's actually here to model in the photo shoot."

 

"Oh my! How did Vee convince Fuse to send Mark over? Are you guys back on speaking terms, hun?" I can answer the first question, though the second one's a bit...

 

"Um..."

 

"Since he's here, why don't you guys dress him up? I don't want to hear any more grumbles if we end up going home late again." The deep voice in front of the room speaks out. P'Vee walks in slowly, looks at me for a moment, and turns to his friends.

 

"Speak of the devil.." P'Lily says nonchalantly.

 

"Let's go, Mark. Let's get you all dressed up. I'll make sure you're better looking than the Prom King of the faculty, the campus, heck, the whole universe!" 

 

P'Tee tugs my arm, prompting me to stand up and follow him. P'Vee shifts his body to allow me through. His slim lips move slightly, as if wanting to say something, though in the end, he simply turns to P'Cherry and talks about the project. I hear Lily whisper the word "slowass" softly, and P'Vee turns to her but doesn't reply.

 

P'Lily tells me to change in the toilet and come out for makeup. The cosmetics she uses on me don't make me feel icky, since I've been using them myself, like when my face looks really out of it or when I'm short on sleep and need to go out. I don't have any issues with applying makeup or dressing up; the problem is with me. I don't dare to be as flashy as Fuse, and I'm not the kind of person to cheerily smile at the camera like him. I'm simply me, but how can I just make a still face when doing a photo shoot?

 

"Let's see that smile get wider!" The cameraman yells to me once I make a posture. The seniors all have a weary look on their faces, even after ten tries, when we still can't get a good photo.

 

"Mark, could you move to the left and lean sideways a bit, dear?"

"Don't tense up like that. Try to act natural."

 

"Smile a bit more. Gimme a sweet smile."

 

Several hours elapse before we call it a wrap. The seniors are packing up and discussing where to go for drinks. P'Tor, the cameraman, excuses himself to go back and edit the pictures. I thank him for bearing with me, to which he smiles back. He says I'll surely do better next time. Even though this is a minor project, it allows me to get to know more people and learn new things.

 

"Mark! Let's go out for some drinks. My treat." P'Lily invites me as I'm packing up.

 

"C'mon...come with us, Mark. Let us treat you for helping us out." P'Tee adds, while P'Cherry and P'Praew nod along.

 

"Yes." I accept, once I figure that it's best not to refuse. P'Vee looks at me and then turns back to continue packing his things.

 

It doesn't take long for us to arrive at the place they chose. P'Lily tells me that P'Yeewa and P'Pan will be joining soon. It's not the same place that P'Vee and I had that gossip story together. 'Lily says she and her crew are regulars here, but P'Vee doesn't like to come here. Well, as it seems there are a lot more guys here than girls....

 

This place doesn't have the vibe of a gay Bar or anything along those lines, though. It's just an ordinary pub with a mixture of women and men, though there's more of the latter among the crowd. They don't check ID either, so that some high schoolers can slip in easily.

 

"Hello there." A cute, petite guy comes over to greet us. In his hand are two glasses, one of which is expected to be handed over to someone in our group. It's as I thought when the fella hands the glass over to me. 

 

"My name's Tew."

 

"Mannn, what's this? We're all seated here, but why is he the one who gets it?" P'Cherry teases.

 

"I'm sorry, sister. I'm not into women." The dude turns to smile at P'Cherry and looks back at me once he finishes talking.

 

"I'm Mark..thanks." I accepted his drink and told him my name.

"If I could sit with you..."

 

"We're discussing some work. I'll go see you later." I say to him with a smile. Tew frowns a bit, but nods in acknowledgement.

 

"I'll be waiting." The fella walks back, after which jeers from the seniors ring out around the table.

 

"Just like that, huh, Mark?" P'Praew asks, to which I reply with a smile.

 

"So you just need to sit down and others mix you drinks?" P'Lily queries further.

 

"I'm here every day, yet I never get anything like that." P'Tee looks at me and says with a hint of jealousy.

 

"I'm sorry, um...P'Vee." A woman approaches our group and smiles at P'Vee.

"Yes?"

 

"Um...may I take a photo with you? I don't really have much to update my Facebook with these days." 

 

P'Vee looks at me upon hearing her. I raise my glass to avoid eye contact with him. Why is he looking at me anyway? Just do whatever you want.

 

"Come sit over here first. Then we'll take a photo."P'Vee says, before moving aside to make space for the pretty girl.

 

"Vee! How dare you..." P'Tee says, and looks towards me.

 

"What? I'm not doing anything wrong. I've done far worse." I lifted my glass up for a sip upon hearing that. The upset feelings are starting to boil up inside me. The one who asked for the photo op is now stuck to P'Vee like a magnet. The more time elapses, the more they're about to melt into one.

 

"Let me mix it for you, P'Vee" The pretty gal named Ice Cream asks to do so, and snatches the glass away from P'Vee's hand. She mixes the drink and feeds it to him. P'Vee looks towards me...but why does he have to send me feelings of disappointment through his eyes? Hasn't he thought things through before deciding on his actions? Why is he looking at me in such a manner, then?

 

"I'll be back," I tell P'Lily, before standing up.

"Are you going to see Tew?" 'Praew asks reluctantly.

 

"Yes." I've already forgotten that the guy called Tew came over to see me. I look towards P'Vee upon replying, by which P'Vee glares back.

 

"Then should I wait for you?" P'Lily teases with a smile.

 

"Let's head out, Ice Cream." 'Vee speaks out before I can give my reply.

 

"Oh! P'Vee.." The woman blushes; her wide, round eyes meet mine, and her lipstick-flashed a disdainful smile. Does she think I'm going to go in and snatch him away? Although I dislike the image in front of me, and seeing it pains me, it's his choice after all.

 

"No need to wait up, P'Lily," I answered P'Lily, before walking out. Screw it...

 

My brain thinks that way, though my eyes turn towards the same place. P'Vee and that Ice Cream girl have left. I clench my fists tight before heading to the toilet. What happened to those doleful eyes that looked at me in the evening? Or the words pleading with me not to torment him any further.

 

"P'Mark!" Before I reach the toilet, a small voice squeals out to me. I turn and raise my brows.

 

"I thought you weren't coming." Tew walks towards me and wraps his hand around my arm.

 

"Are you younger than me?" I ask as I follow him to the table.

 

"Sure. I'm just in 11th grade." The kid whispers to me, giggling.

 

"Ya fucker Tew! Where the hell did you drag P'Mark from?" I raise my brows upon hearing someone at the table speak out.

 

"You know me?" I'm not used to the position of being called P', though I address myself as a senior as I sit down in the chair.

 

"Sure, I do. You're so famous." I raise my brows even higher upon hearing his reply.

 

"Well..from that gossip news," Tew reveals to me.

 

"Oh.." That news. Let's not talk about it. It only made my life and P'Vee's more complicated and miserable.

 

"Don't think too much, P'. You were freakin' awesome, walking away from P'Vee like that." One of the boys at the table says.

 

"And why do you have to mention it? Can't you see he's stressed over the matter?" Tew mentions, and lifts his hand to wrap around my arm.

 

"It's okay," I say to him, before accepting the drink one of the boys fixed for me. It's all water under the bridge, and it appears that everyone is fine with what happened already. Both P'Vee and I are walking our own separate paths, and everything that transpired is but our shared memory.

 

I down glass after glass, despite warnings from Tew beside my ear. This dude Vespa keeps on mixing me drinks with glee, ignoring his friend's request to slow down.

 

"Go ahead and drink up, P'. At least you won't have to think about anything." Vespa says, before handing me another glass.

 

"Ves! Why you...that's enough, 'Mark..." Tew says, before snatching the glass away from my hand.

 

"More.." I say tersely and take the glass back. It's not that I'm pissed, drunk and unaware of what's going on. I'm well aware of my limits.

 

"You're drunk, P'Mark."

"Not yet, just tipsy," I answer Tew and down another glass.

 

"Let's head back. Trust me." Tew says to me, shaking my arm.

 

"Why you.. Why aren't you like him?" I flop on the table and mumble to myself.

 

Although I've had a lot to drink, I'm still conscious. I'm still thinking of him. No matter how much time has passed, he's still on my mind. No matter how many people I meet, they're not like P'Vee. Why doesn't he come and scold me or scowl at me? Why doesn't he go and pull me up? When I'm drunk, that's what others have gotta do, just like what P'Vee used to do...

 

"P'Mark.." The soft voice that can't hide its anxiety makes me look up. "This won't do. It's not like he doesn't like P'Vee. He's just doing this to get back at him." Vespa points out to his friends.

 

"But I like P'Mark." I don't know what else those boys talked about. Although I thought I was tipsy, I now admit that I'm drunk. I guess it's true when they say one shouldn't flop down when drunk.

 

I got helped up the stairs, with no idea when I got out of that pub. I don't know who took me out of there, nor when. The grumbling beside my ear gets louder and louder, though I still can't make out what the person is saying.

 

"C'mon, Mark." The deep voice I'm familiar with rings out in my ears, though I don't trust my ears. He went out with that girl, so how can he possibly be helping to carry me here?

 

"No..." I moan from my throat as I try to step up the stairs, though I stumble.

 

"No, what? Just step up properly." The deep voice chides next to my ear. I try to open my eyes to look, but all I can see is a blurry image.

 

"Not like..." I flay my arms into the air, eventually slumping onto the bed.

 

"Like what? Not like what? You're so..." The cursing sound is so familiar. Would it be okay if I got closer to see more clearly and make sure it's him?

 

"P'Vee..whoever I do it with, it's not like..doing it with you."