Love of Silom

Chapter 10 - Hold Me for a Good Night's Dream.

 

What does he see me as?

 

That was the first question I asked myself after getting out of Krit's car. I was furious, deeply hurt. I never imagined I'd find myself in a situation like this. I walked briskly along the sidewalk, barely aware of my surroundings. My mind was a storm of emotions, none of them positive. I am nothing to Krit... never was.

 

The answer was clear, sharp, and painful enough to make my eyes burn. From the very first day we met until now, he never once showed any intention of forming a special bond with me.

 

 

It was always just me who wanted to be close to him, who wanted him to be part of my life. But Krit never gave me any special place in his. He was involved with me only because of work, just like the countless other people who passed through his life every single day. My existence was just another fleeting matter in his world. I was the one who wouldn't let him simply walk past. I held on. It was my one-sided desire that brought me here. I wanted to blame him for everything. He never told me to stop.

 

He never told me he loved someone else. He let me dream about him, even though he knew I would never have a place in his heart. Pity was the cruellest trap. The kindness he showed me— it was the kindest form of cruelty. But in the end, I should blame myself the most.

 

I was so overwhelmed that I had to stop walking, turning to face the wall so no one would see the tears threatening to fall. I bit my lip and clenched my teeth, trying to hold them back. Crying on the side of the street was pathetic, and I didn't want to be that kind of person. Pete... the one who holds Krit's heart. How could I ever compare? Everything he is, I could never be.

 

From intense anger mixed with sadness and resentment, now... I didn't even know what I was feeling anymore. Suddenly, I felt as if I had shrunk into something small and insignificant, as if I no longer mattered to anyone.

 

I pressed my hand against the wall, forcing myself to keep it together. As much as it hurts, I wanted just to sit down and cry—I refused to let myself fall apart. No way. I had fought through too much to stand on my own like this. I had to value that more.

 

I sniffed and forced myself to lift my head. I'd be fine. I had to keep moving forward, no matter how I felt inside. The happiness and warmth I once had with Krit would stay in my heart—unchanging, untouched, just left as it was. He didn't have to love me, and we didn't have to love each other.

That night, I went to work at the bar as usual, but everything felt gloomier than before. I looked at myself in the mirror. My clothes, my hair, my face, everything looked fine. But my eyes... my eyes looked so sad. That wasn't okay. It annoyed me so much that I turned to Thai and asked,

 

"Thai, what's good about me?"

Thai gave me a puzzled look.

 

"What are you on about?"

"I just want to know. Can't you answer me?" I snapped a little.

 

"Fine, I'll answer. No need to snap at me." Thai huffed.

"You're handsome, you're cute, you make a killer crispy pork basil stir-fry, and..." 

 

He paused, thinking. "You've got good manners my wife said you always lift the toilet seat when you use the bathroom in my condo."

 

"If you were gay, would you like me?"

"What the hell kind of question is that?"

 

"Just answer."

"If you let me top, then yeah, sure."

 

"What kind of useless answer is that?"

Frustrated, I stomped off, but I could still hear Thai yelling behind me.

 

"Next time, just write the answer you want first, so I can say what you like, Wayu!"

 

I stepped out of the staff room and walked past the tables in the bar. There weren't many customers yet; it was only a little past 10 p.m. I headed toward the waiting lounge outside, a spacious hall near the entrance. At the front, by the first-floor doorway, stood the reception counter. Further inside, long black leather sofas lined both sides of the inner entrance. I walked over to one that was still empty.

 

"Waiting for a customer?"

 

A coworker asked as he saw me sitting there. Most customers preferred to sit on the other side of the sofa, waiting for friends or scrolling on their phones, since it was larger and closer to the bathroom. That left this side mostly for hosts waiting to meet their customers.

 

"Yeah," I replied with a small smile. When he walked away, I leaned back against the couch, resting my head on the backrest. I had to get a grip right now. I needed to pull myself away from this fixation on Krit. If he didn't see me, if he wanted someone as flawless and high-class as Pete, that was his problem. Why should I care? I was just being myself. If someone didn't like me, so what? As long as I liked myself, that was enough.

 

I took a deep breath, straightened up. I'd sit here for a bit, then head back inside. But then my eyes landed on someone walking toward me. Sky and another coworker were chatting happily as they walked. When he saw me sitting there, he paused. This was his usual waiting spot, where he greeted customers as soon as they stepped out of their cars. 

 

Tonight, someone must have booked a drinking session with him in advance. We locked eyes. Neither of us looked away. Sky's expression was loud and clear. Get lost, Wayu. I stared right back, saying with my eyes, I'm sitting right here. If you don't like it, that's your problem.

 

The moment he saw me acting like that, he knew something was off. Today wasn't the day to mess with me. Sky shook his head and walked away. I didn't sit there long, just enough to make sure I was ready to switch into work mode. Once I felt in the right headspace, I stood up, adjusting my shirt and necklace. Just as I lifted my head, I locked eyes with a group of customers walking in. One of them gasped and quickly covered their mouth. Guess I was their type.

 

I nodded and smiled. The whole group squealed. I walked past them, confident I had secured a customer for the night. And I was right. Within minutes, I was called over to entertain them. I smiled, ready to give it my all. Soon, the bar was packed with people out for the night. When the music started, the atmosphere came alive-flashing lights, drinks flowing, upbeat songs that had everyone singing and dancing along with the band. I was right there with them. I was both a dancer and a drinker, and this was my element-dancing while clinking glasses, fully in my zone.

 

The customer I was with was sexy, cute, and playful. So, I danced close-holding her from behind, letting her lean into me. Glasses clinked, cheeks brushed, and anything went-arms draped over my shoulders, kisses on my neck, whatever she wanted. I let loose, no holding back. If the customer was having fun, then I was too. After an hour, I excused myself—I had to get ready for the dance performance.

 

I walked into the host dressing room, where a few others were already getting ready. The shows varied each night. Sometimes, another group of hosts would take the stage, muscular, sexy, shirtless, flexing their bodies while putting on an intensely seductive performance. But my group had a different style, offering variety. We had a cool, boy-band vibe. We kept our clothes on... mostly—just enough teasing to keep things interesting. We danced as a group of five, each of us bringing something unique, handsome, stylish, seductive—the whole package.

 

"Ready?" the staff asked.

"Yes," we answered.

 

Then he pointed at my neck.

"Did you do that on purpose?"

 

I glanced in the mirror—and burst out laughing. A bright red lipstick mark was smeared across my neck. I was wearing a wide-neck white t-shirt, and when I pulled the collar down, I could see the smudge running from my collarbone all the way up to my jawline, just shy of my lips.

 

"Not on purpose," I grabbed a tissue to wipe it off. But then, I changed my mind. I let it stay. We stepped onto the floor just as the lights went out. When the music started, bright lights shone down on us.

 

I began to dance, and the audience below joined in, dancing and singing along. The heavy beats made my blood pump faster, my heart race. Screams rang out periodically as each host took turns lifting their shirts to reveal their chests, abs, tattoos, or rolling their hips hard to the rhythm of the song. As we reached the end of the song, we usually finished with a cool or sexy pose. 

 

Tonight, it was my turn to be in the centre. Just as I spun and stepped forward, I pulled my shirt over my head, letting it slide down to my wrists before dropping to my knees, spreading my legs apart. My wrists were held together in front of me as if they were bound. I flicked my hair, tilted my head slightly, and gazed at the audience.

 

The screams were deafening. The combination of the kiss marks on my neck and my posture made it look like I was both willing and forced into submission. I accepted the reaction with a smile before getting up and putting my shirt back on.

 

As I walked back toward the dressing room, my friends immediately teased me, asking who had left those marks, saying 1 stole the show and was spicier than mala seasoning. Only Thai wagged his finger, motioning for me to follow him to the locker area.

 

"You got something to say, just say it," Thai said.

"What?"

 

"That performance just now."

 

"Oh, you didn't like it? Everyone else did. A good show needs inner emotion, you know."

 

"I don't think that was 'inner emotion.' It felt more like you were being sarcastic."

 

Thai stepped closer, placing a hand against the locker, blocking me from looking away or walking off.

 

"Talk," he ordered. With no way out, I ended up confessing everything about the situation between me, Krit, and Pete. When I finished, Thai let out a long hiss through his teeth.

 

"Damn... that hurts. So, what's next?"

"I stop," I shrugged. "This is as far as it goes."

 

"Are you sure?"

"I've already made up my mind."

 

"Yeah, if someone doesn't love us, we don't have to love them back." Thai gave my shoulder a light pat. "Tonight, you drink all you want. I got you."

 

"That was the plan." I grinned. "It's my turn now. I've carried your drunk ass home plenty of times."

 

He threw an arm around my shoulders. "Come on... let's go do the job we love."

As we walked out together, I asked, "Thai, so do you actually wanna sleep with me or not?"

"Wayu."

"Yes?"

 

"Go f*** yourself."

 

I burst out laughing. With our arms slung around each other's shoulders, we walked out together. After the show, there was another round of drink auctions for the hosts. The moment I stepped onto the floor, I was called up. The bidding was intense, a purely money-driven battle with no one backing down. From an initial bid of ten drinks, I had no idea how many drinks were bid for me, and I didn't care. I just wanted to go all out tonight.

 

Let me tell you-I was ready to entertain in every way. Whatever the customers wanted, I could be. Best friend? Boyfriend? Big brother? Little brother? Husband? Wife? You name it. Just one thing, please, no sob stories tonight. Not only was I in no state to comfort anyone, but I might just drag them to settle things with whoever made them cry.

 

After midnight, the bar switched to EDM. The hazy buzz, flashing lights, and pounding beats made the night even more fun. But for some reason, I kept losing at rock-paper-scissors with the customers. I lost count of how many shots I took, not that it mattered. Ever since I started this job, my alcohol tolerance has improved a lot, and I figured I could handle it. 

 

That was until a customer dared me to chug an entire bottle on the floor in exchange for another two hundred drinks. That's when I realised I couldn't handle it after all. The moment I stepped down and returned to my table, it wasn't long before everything went black.

════[changbins_delulu_wife]════

I woke up in my own bed, in my own room, wearing nothing but my boxers. The last thing I remembered was telling a customer, "I'm sorry, I can't drink anymore," before stumbling into the dressing room. That was it. That was where my memory ended. I pushed myself up into a sitting position and pulled open the curtain beside my bed, only to shut it immediately; the light was too much for my eyes. My head was pounding. What time was it?

 

I dragged myself out of bed and staggered toward the door. When I opened it, I saw Waii sitting on the floor near the TV, playing a game on an iPad with Singto. The moment Waii noticed me standing in the doorway, she spoke up. "I'm using your old iPad, okay? It was just sitting there."

 

"Yes, sure, go ahead," I said, unable to hold back a smile as I watched Singto tap at the jumping frog on the screen, trying to mimic its croak. "Do you want a new one? For Singto, so he can watch stuff or play learning games for toddlers."

 

"Nah, this one works fine," Waii replied. "Oh, by the way, that friend of yours, Thai, or whatever his name is, he said to call him the moment you wake up."

 

"Okay," I answered in a hoarse voice, tilting my head against the doorframe and closing my eyes. I still felt a bit lightheaded.

 

"You okay?" Waii asked. "You look like sh*t."

"I'll live. Last night was rough."

 

"Do you need anything? Want me to go buy you some ginger tea?"

"I'm good. I'll just have coffee."

 

I made my way to the kitchen, boiled some water, and sat down at the dining table, pouring myself a glass. I had been so wasted last night. I couldn't remember anything that happened after I went into the dressing room. I didn't even know when Thai brought me home.

 

After finishing my glass of water, I got up to make some coffee and carried it back to my room. I should call Thai. Sitting at the edge of my bed, I took a sip, hoping it would help with the hangover, while searching for my phone. It should've been on the table or in the pocket of the pants I wore last night. Before I could check the laundry basket, my eyes landed on something near my pillow—a blue plastic bag, tightly wrapped around something.

 

Curious, I set my coffee cup on the table and picked up the package to open it. But as soon as I untied the plastic bag, I found another layer tightly wrapped inside...

What the hell? I untied the knot-only to find another layer... and another... and another... and another! What the hell is this!? I kept unravelling it until I reached the final layer—a clear plastic bag, sealed tightly with a rubber band. On the bag, there was a message written: 'Call me. From... Thai, your dad.'

 

Thai, you bastard! That little devil had wrapped my phone in multiple layers, securing it with a rubber band as if it were a precious relic. The moment I got my phone back, I immediately called to curse him out.

 

"What the fuck, Thai? What the hell did you do?"

"I was limiting your phone access, duh."

 

"For what reason!?" I nearly shouted, but my throat was still sore and dry, making my voice sound horrible.

 

"To give you time to sober up before reading whatever messages people sent you."

"What messages?"

 

"I didn't mean to read them," Thai quickly defended himself. "But when I was taking you home, I took your phone out to give it back to you, and then a message flashed on the screen. And since I can read Thai, I saw that your dear Lieutenant Krit had sent you a message."

 

"He's not my 'dear' anything." My face stiffened.

 

"Oh, really? Then, which idiot called him? Rambling on about how sorry I was, this and that. If you already love someone else, why give me false hope?" Thai said, his tone dripping with smugness at the end. My eyes widened, and my hangover nearly vanished on the spot.

 

"Thai, I'm not joking."

"Neither am I."

 

"Are you serious? Oh, fuck..." Panic hit me.

What the hell did I do!?

 

"Yeah, you fucked up big time. If I hadn't snatched your phone away first, it could've been even worse. Oh, and by the way, you bit my arm, asshole."

 

"What else did I say?"

"Aren't you gonna ask if I'm okay first?"

 

"Are you okay, Thai? I'm sorry. I'll put medicine on it for you later.

 

"No need," Thai replied with a pout. "I have a wife, you know. You should focus on fixing your own mess first. Last night, you didn't get to say much—I got there just in time to hear you talking, so I quickly grabbed your phone and told him you were too drunk and that I was taking you home. Then, a little later, I saw his message pop up on your phone."

 

I rubbed my temples. "Damn it... I'm so confused right now, Thai."

 

"Here's the thing: no matter what you reply to him, I want you to calm down and think it through before you respond. And one more thing—are you still coming to the condo today?"

 

"Huh?"

Thai sighed. "You need to sign the lease today, remember?"

 

"Oh, right. I'll take a shower and head out soon."

"Cool."

 

After hanging up, I sat staring at my phone, Thai's words echoing in my head. 'Your dear Lieutenant Krit has sent you a message.'

 

I tried to calm my nerves and pressed my finger on the screen to read it. My heart pounded when I saw the latest message from Krit, sent last night.

 

'Wayu, we need to talk. Will I come to see you at home tomorrow?

 

It was his message after I had drunkenly called him and rambled like an idiot. I clutched my hair in frustration. I was pathetic. A loser. A complete, utter fool. But no matter how humiliating it was, I had to face reality. I scrolled up to read the earlier messages and frowned when I saw that he had sent me a voice message. I pressed play, and my heart started racing uncontrollably the moment I heard his voice.

 

"Wayu, I'm sorry about today. I've cleared everything up, and I want us to talk things through properly. Let me know when you're ready... because I'm ready."

 

I jumped to my feet, threw my phone onto the bed, and took a step back. What the hell is this? What does Krit mean by this?

 

'Because I'm ready '

'Because I'm ready.'

'Because I'm ready..!'

 

What does Krit mean? Ready for what? And what am I supposed to be ready for!? I couldn't handle it. I was too confused to process anything. I grabbed a towel and left the room. I needed to cool down both my body and my mind.

════[changbins_delulu_wife]════

After coming out of the bathroom, I felt a little better. The half hour I spent in there gave me time to reflect and think things through. I realised I had overreacted. Whatever Krit meant by "ready"-whether it was to end things completely or to find a way to stay on good terms-I just had to prepare myself to accept it. He wasn't "downgrading" my status because he had never given me one in the first place. That stung.

 

I re-read Krit's last message. He said he'd come to see me at home, but that wouldn't be possible since I had plans today. That was actually good—I needed more time to process everything. I typed out my reply. 'Krit, I'm not free today. Let's talk another time.' That sounded mature enough. Hopefully, it would make up for my embarrassing drunk call last night. I added another message.

 

I'm sorry about last night. I was really drunk and just rambling. Please don't take it seriously. After hitting send, I got up to leave for Thai's condo, but then my heart nearly jumped out of my chest. Krit had already read my messages. Before I could react, my phone rang. I flinched, almost dropping it. My nerves were shot, but I answered.

 

"Hello, Krit."

 

"How are you feeling? You were pretty drunk last night." His voice was deep and gentle.

 

"I'm better now," I forced myself to sound steady.

 

"Can we talk in person?"

 

"I really can't today. I have to sign a lease. I'm moving into the same condo as my friend. I'll be moving in tomorrow."

 

"F'll help you move."

 

"No, it's fine. I don't have much stuff. I can fit everything in a taxi—I don't want to trouble you."

 

He went silent for a moment. "Wayu, we need to talk. I want to do it face-to-face."

 

His voice made me feel completely helpless. Was he not going to give me any time? Just a little more— was that too much to ask? But then again, how long could I keep avoiding him? Sooner or later, we'd have to clear things up. I decided to respond.

 

"Alright. Tomorrow evening, after I'm done moving in, I'll come see you."

 

After finishing my conversation with Krit, I quickly called Thai to report. "Thai, Krit asked to talk to me. I'm going to go clear things up with him."

 

"You mean meet him in person?"

"Yeah."

 

"Wayu, didn't you say you hate being the third wheel in someone else's relationship? But what you're about to do is the exact opposite of what you said."

 

"I'm not doing that. I just think we're both adults now. Back when I called him, begging him to see me at my lowest, he helped me. So why can't I try to talk things out with him properly now? If we can't be anything more, at least we can still be like siblings."

 

"You're such a saint."

 

"I'm about to cry my eyes out here."

 

"Okay, I'll root for you. Heartbreak can be healed. Trust me."

 

════[changbins_delulu_wife]════

 

The next day, I went to Thai's condo again, which I now had to call my condo. Today, I officially moved in. My essential belongings were packed into just two suitcases and a single box, nothing too excessive. I stood in the middle of the room and looked around. It was a studio with a living area, a small kitchen, and a separate bedroom. It was more spacious than anywhere I had ever lived before. Best of all, my room was on the same floor as Thai.

 

The room was still a bit messy since I hadn't finished unpacking, and I still needed to buy a few more essentials. As I was taking clothes out of my suitcase, I heard a knock on the door. When I opened it, it was Thai.

 

"Yo, done unpacking yet?" He asked. "I'm heading downstairs to grab some food, so I thought I'd stop by to check on you. Need me to pick up anything?"

 

"Not yet. Come in."

 

I pushed the door open wider to let Thai in, but he just stood there, scanning me from head to toe.

 

"Damn, you look good."

 

He gave me a once-over, eyes narrowing.

"I always do."

 

Thai stepped closer and leaned in, sniffing the air around me. "Not just good —you're all showered, smelling nice, and your face is smooth and clear, like a baby's bottom. So tell me, are you meeting Krit to break up with him or to make him regret losing you?"

 

Thai playfully brushed his hand over the open collar of my shirt, even though it's normal for me to leave the top buttons undone.

 

"He's probably regretting it, huh? Look at his ex's face. He's ten times hotter than me," I said.

 

"Nah, I think you're way cuter than that Pete guy."

 

I sighed and patted his shoulder. "Thanks, Thai. I really appreciate you, my friend."

 

"So, aren't you leaving yet? Didn't you say you had plans with him this evening?"

 

"I'm waiting for the dining table. I told the furniture store to deliver it at 2 p.m., but they said their truck was in an accident and they had to switch to another truck. So I'm still waiting."

 

As soon as I said that, I started to feel anxious. It was almost time for my meeting with Krit. Even though the meeting spot wasn't far from the condo, the delivery truck still hadn't arrived.

 

"I'm definitely going to be late. I should call and let him know."

 

I took out my phone and called Krit. When he answered, I said, "Krit, I'm going to be a little late. I ordered a dining set, and they just informed me that the delivery will be delayed. But it should be here soon."

 

"Then I'll come pick you up. I'm already on my way. Where's your condo?"

 

"Uh... you're coming here?"

"Send me the location."

 

After I sent him the location, Krit arrived a while later.

 

"Thai, Krit's here. I'm going down to meet him," I told Thai. Our condo required a keycard to access the upper floors.

"I'll come with you," Thai said. Thai and I went downstairs together. As we stepped out of the elevator and walked through the lobby, I saw Krit getting out of his car through the glass doors.

 

Today, Krit was wearing a black shirt and long pants. He looked so devastatingly handsome that my knees almost gave out. His broad shoulders, long legs, and overall demeanour made Thai exclaim, "Damn... is this your Krit? He's ridiculously good-looking. Now I understand why you've been acting like your world's ending."

 

I bit my lip, unsure how to respond. Seeing him like this made my heart feel weightless. I could hardly believe he was the one who broke my heart.

 

"You okay?" Thai asked, looking at me with concern.

 

"I told you I've moved on. I'm fine."

"Stay strong, man," Thai said.

 

I walked out to greet Krit. Once inside, I introduced him to Thai. Before we could head up to my unit, the furniture delivery truck arrived with the table and chairs.

 

"The room came with a wardrobe and a bed, but no dining table, so I ordered one," I explained to Krit.

 

"Then I'll help you assemble the table first before we head out."

"Okay," I replied awkwardly.

 

Thai rolled his eyes, but I pretended not to notice. We took the elevator upstairs with Thai and Krit. After the delivery guys brought in the furniture boxes, Thai went out to buy some food.

 

"It's a bit messy. I haven't finished unpacking yet," I told Krit.

 

He looked around the room. I felt a little embarrassed about the clothes piled at the edge of the bed and the boxes that were still half-unpacked. Now, there were even more boxes from the furniture store.

 

"It's cosy," he said.

"You really don't have to stay and help with the table. We can just go.

 

"It won't take long. Are you in a hurry?"

"Not really."

"Then let's get started."

 

We both worked on unpacking the boxes, taking out the wooden tabletop, the metal frame, the legs, and two chairs. Krit rolled up his sleeves above his elbows for easier movement. He glanced at the assembly instructions and started with the metal frame that would support the tabletop.

 

"You're really good at this," I said.

"I'm used to it," he replied with a small smile.

 

I smiled back. The air between us felt awkward, like we both had something on our minds but were trying to act normal, even though nothing felt normal.

 

We worked together to assemble the four frame pieces into the base for the tabletop. Throughout the process, we didn't talk much, even though I'm usually chatty around him. Krit used a wrench to tighten the screws into the metal frame, while I quietly handed him the washers and screws. Once the frame was done, I turned to the table legs on the floor.

 

"Be careful," Krit said, quickly reaching out to grab the leg as I handed it to him. The tip of it barely grazed my cheek.

 

"Did it hit your face?"

"No, it didn't."

 

He set it back down on the floor, then moved closer to me and touched my face, tilting my cheek to check. My heart raced. His fingertips felt electric against my skin, and he smelled amazing, fresh, like he'd just walked out of a rainforest. I wanted to move closer to catch more of his scent, but I could only think about it. When he saw there was no mark, he pulled his hand away.

 

"Good thing it didn't hit you."

 

I looked at him longingly, not wanting him to move away. He was so close, yet still out of reach.

 

"What's wrong?" Krit asked when he saw my expression. His voice was so gentle, and it made me feel even weaker. What does it mean to move on? Because right now, I'm completely shaken. I don't want to lose him, but I don't know what to do. And what we're doing right now is torturing me. 

 

When I reached the point where I couldn't hold it in anymore, I blurted out, "Why are you doing this, Krit?"

 

"Doing what?"

 

"Being so nice to me when you don't feel anything for me," I said, knowing I was losing control but unable to stop. "Do you want to see me go crazy?"

 

Krit stared at me, his eyes filled with a thousand unspoken meanings I couldn't decipher.

 

"Why do you think I came here, Wayu?"

 

"I don't know," I answered immediately, my chest filled with turmoil. "Maybe to remind me of my place so I don't get the wrong idea. Or to tell me that you and Pete are together and that I should stay away because your boyfriend isn't happy."

 

"It's not like that," Krit shook his head and let out a heavy sigh.

"Then what is it?"

 

"Listen, Pete and I really did love each other once, but that was a long time ago. That day when you stopped by the police headquarters to return my clothes, Pete happened to be there too. He was in trouble because his business was about to be shut down, so he came to ask for my help. He didn't want to lose his reputation. Then, when he coincidentally saw you, he did what he did."

 

"Did you end up helping him?"

"I did," Krit replied firmly.

 

My heart sank, but before I could overthink it, Krit continued. "After you got out of my car that day, I went to see Pete. We agreed that I would handle the situation for him in exchange for a mutual understanding that we would never go back to how things were. There's nothing between us now. We're just each other's past. Pete won't bother you again. I can guarantee that. That's all there is to it. I've told you everything."

 

I was stunned, unable to speak. Krit didn't pressure me or rush me. We sat together in silence for a while before I finally said. "I understand."

 

"What do you understand?" He asked softly.

"You didn't mean to make me feel bad."

"Is that all?"

"Isn't it?"

 

"It's more than that," Krit said, moving closer. "That day, Wayu, you were upset with me, weren't you? When Pete caused a scene, and I went after him, leaving you behind without any explanation."

 

Just hearing this brought tears to my eyes. I bit my lip, unable to speak because my chest felt tight. Back then, I was so hurt that I thought I had to let him go.

 

"I'm sorry," Krit said, his voice incredibly gentle.

 

Tears rolled down my cheeks. I wiped them away roughly with the back of my hand.

 

"Krit, do you know? It wasn't just that day. I've been overthinking all along. I never knew what was on your mind— how you saw me, what I was to you. It was never clear. But still, I stubbornly held on to hope. I've never met anyone as gentle with me as you are. You're so kind, do you know that? Since the first day we met, I haven't missed a day when I haven't thought about you. But I never knew if I was good enough, if I was hoping for too much. And then with Pete in the picture, it only made things worse. I never even imagined I could be this heartbroken."

 

I poured my heart out, but it still didn't feel like enough. I looked at Krit's face. I had to tell him everything in my heart, especially the most important thing. I had to confess to him, no matter the outcome.

 

"But do you believe that I'm willing to risk getting hurt even more? Now I realise I've never been clear with you either. I've just been sulking and overthinking on my own, without ever telling you once that I lo....

 

My words were cut off as Krit leaned in and sealed my lips with his! I froze, my heart pounding so hard it felt like it might explode. Krit was kissing me. Someone tell me this isn't a dream! Krit didn't push further. He just pressed his lips against mine gently until he finally pulled away, and I let out a whisper.

 

"Krit.."

"I wanted to be the one to say it first," Krit said, holding my arms and looking deeply into my eyes. "I love you, Wayu."

 

His voice was steady, and the look in his eyes confirmed the sincerity of his words.

I could only stare at him in shock. This was what I had been waiting for all along, words from his mouth that expressed his feelings for me.

 

Krit loved me. He said he loved me. Shock gave way to something else—a deep, overwhelming warmth that swelled in my chest, too much to hold back.

 

"I love you too, Krit," I said, leaning in to kiss his lips. There was no hesitation in me.

 

When I pulled back, I smiled at him through my tears. I didn't mean to cry, but the tears just fell on their own.

 

"Even if I said it after you, it doesn't mean my love is any less than yours."

 

Krit nodded. He wiped my tears before pulling me into a tight embrace."I'm sorry for making you wait so long."

 

I buried my face in his chest, hugging him back just as tightly. Krit's chest was warm, just as his actions were. I pressed my cheek against him, listening to the sound of his heartbeat. I never knew it could feel this good to embrace someone you love and feel their heartbeat.

 

"I'm so happy," I said. Krit touched my chin, tilting my face up to look at him.

"I'm happy too."

 

We smiled at each other. Krit gently brushed my cheek before leaning down to kiss my lips again. I was more than willing, closing my eyes as his lips met mine. His lips were soft and warm, and my body felt light from his kiss. We kissed amidst the clutter of things around us, but believe me, it was incredibly sweet, gentle, and intoxicating, like kissing on a cloud of beer foam.

 

We stayed there, cuddling. We didn't need to assemble the table and chairs. As long as Krit was with me, I didn't need anything else. I was so happy I didn't want to move, wanting to stay in his arms like this all day.

 

"I thought I'd never hear those words from you," I told him. "I was even preparing myself for heartbreak."

 

Krit kissed the top of my head. "It took time. If I weren't sure, I wouldn't have said it."

 

"You didn't fall for me the first time we met as I did with you, did you?"

 

"I did, but it was more like fondness and sympathy. I didn't think of it in that way."

 

"Cupid's aim is terrible. The arrow only hit me," I complained. "So when did you start liking me, Krit?"

 

"I don't know. It just happened. Maybe I fell for you without realising it."

 

His answer made me so happy. I tilted my head up to kiss his cheek and smiled at him. Krit looked at me and said, "Why are you smiling so sweetly?"

 

"Don't you like it?"

"I love it, but I'm starting to get possessive."

 

"Don't be too possessive. I smile at other people, but it's not the same as when I smile at you. Because I only love you." Krit hummed in his throat. "Why are you so clingy?"

 

He wrapped his strong arms around me tightly, then leaned down to playfully nuzzle me like he was teasing a child. But coincidentally, I wasn't that small, and when I squirmed, it caused him to fall onto the floor with me. Now I was lying on my back with Krit half on top of me, one elbow propped on the floor while his leg draped over mine. It was the perfect position for another kiss. It seemed he felt the same. 

 

Krit leaned in and kissed me, a slow, lingering kiss-teasing, exploring, familiarising itself with my lips, my tongue, my emotions. Gentle and intoxicating. It was so easy to lose myself in it. Who was to blame? Me, for being so easily swayed? Or him, for being such a damn good kisser? When I opened my eyes, I spoke.

 

"I love this. I'm so weak right now." I wasn't joking; my voice was as light as if I were floating.

 

"Are we still going out later?"

"What do you mean? Are you hungry?"

 

Krit smiled, his eyes sweet and glistening. "Not for food... for something else." I almost crawled onto a plate and waited for him to eat me, but I wanted to tease him a little more. I reached out to touch his lips, lightly tracing them to provoke him.

 

"What do you mean?"

"I mean... this." 

 

He grabbed my hand and pinned it to the floor beside my head. Krit shifted his body over mine, pressing me down before biting my lip and then sealing it with a kiss. This kiss wasn't gentle anymore. It was deep and invasive, both demanding and arousing. Krit didn't just kiss me; his palm gripped my arm tightly as he pressed our bodies together. My emotions surged rapidly. I moaned while still being kissed, my hand clutching his shirt tightly. By the time he pulled away, I was almost out of breath.

 

"Krit..." I murmured, my voice weak and breathless. I half-opened my eyes to look at him.

 

"Yes, what is it?" He didn't just ask; he leaned down to nuzzle my neck, his nose brushing against my jawline and the hollow of my neck. Instead of answering, all I could give him was a soft, unsteady moan.

 

I was completely lost, his warm and mischievous lips kissing wherever they touched, sending waves of heat through me. Under my ear, down my neck, and across my chest, my cheeks burned, and my blood rushed so much that I was sure my face and body were completely red. My body was so aroused that I had to respond. I slid my hands around his broad back, hugging him tightly, wanting to touch him too. I slipped my hands under his shirt, running them over his firm muscles from his back down to his waist, almost feeling the heat of his skin under my palms. I shivered slightly as he moved my collar aside, exposing more of my chest, and leaned down to suck on it while his fingers teased my nipple. 

 

A wave of pleasure shot through me, spreading quickly. My emotions were spiralling out of control, and I knew I wouldn't be able to hold back much longer. I gently pushed his shoulder and asked, "Krit... are you going to do it?"

 

"Can I? Do you want to, Wayu?" It was the kind of question that deserved at least a moment's thought before answering. But I couldn't keep playing hard to get—not when just looking into his eyes was already undoing me. Because this was Krit, the person I had longed for, the one I wanted by my side, just as he was now. And in this moment, I was utterly undone. There was only one answer I could give. I nodded.

 

"Mhm."

Krit smiled, his eyes sparkling with satisfaction. I was so embarrassed but also annoyed. Krit scooped me up and carried me to the bedroom, laying me down gently on the freshly made bed with its clean, fragrant sheets.

 

"New bedsheets?" He asked.

"Yes, I just put them on this afternoon. They haven't been used yet."

"Then let's use them together now."

 

I was embarrassed by his words but let out a soft sound of agreement. Krit moved to stand by the bed and began to undress. I took a deep breath as I took in his body in full view. His chest was firm, his abs well-defined, and his V-line carved from his waist down to his pubic bone. The size of that part of him was impressive, sending a jolt of heat through my lower abdomen. He's really... something. He must know how good he looks to be showing off like this... and it's working.

 

Krit moved closer and began to undress me as well. I sat up to cooperate, and when my shirt came off, I said, "Wait a second."

 

Krit looked at me, raising an eyebrow slightly as if wondering what I was going to do. I moved to sit on the edge of the bed, holding his waist and looking up at him.

 

"I've imagined doing this with you before."

 

I leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to the skin just above his lower abdomen, near the thick hair that trailed downward. Then, I slowly kissed my way up, leaving a trail of kisses along his stomach. He tensed slightly when I gently nipped at his abs, and I licked my way up to his chest, circling his nipple before sucking on it.

 

I knew he liked it because I heard a low groan rumble from his throat. Krit slid his hand to the back of my head, guiding me to do the same to his other nipple. I obliged willingly, eager to taste every part of him with my lips and tongue. My hands travelled down to his hips, feeling the firm muscles beneath my fingers. A tight ache pooled in my lower abdomen. When I pulled away, I looked up at him and smiled, my lips still wet.

 

"You imagined something this explicit?" Krit asked, pretending to scold me, but I could tell he was very pleased. He cupped my cheek with one hand before smiling at the corner of his mouth. "Did you think you were the only one imagining things?"

 

My eyes widened. Krit pushed me back onto the bed and pulled off my pants from the feet. He looked over my naked body, his gaze filled with unbridled desire. I felt a wave of heat wash over me under his gaze.

 

"How did you imagine me?" I asked, my voice slightly unsteady, a mix of nervousness and curiosity laced in my tone.

 

"I'll show you."

What happened next went far beyond anything I had imagined. It felt like he was devouring me. His hands roamed my body, mapping every inch of me with his lips and tongue.

 

My nipples were wet and swollen, and red marks dotted my stomach and thighs. Faint bite marks lingered on my shoulder and the curve of my buttocks, sending shudders through me whenever he touched them. His fingers teased, and his tongue traced even the sensitive crevice between my cheeks.

 

By now, I had no control over myself. I moaned and begged him to enter me. Krit moved away to tear open a condom wrapper, his fingers slick with lube, moving at my entrance, which was now slightly stretched and softened. I lay on my stomach, my eyes closed, and my lips pressed tightly together as he pushed in, trying to relax, but it still hurt from the size stretching me to the limit. It wasn't easy. He moved several times before he was fully inside.

 

"Krit... ah, go easy," I said in a weak voice.

 

He was gentle at first, but soon became more intense. He thrust in and out of me, his large hand gripping my waist, controlling my movements as he pushed into me. With each thrust, my sanity almost slipped away, and I moaned his name.

 

"Krit... ahhh..."

 

I knew I wouldn't last much longer. But since it felt so good, I couldn't hold back. My body moved with his rhythm, my face burning. In a few more thrusts, I was sure I'd come. But then Krit pulled out, the sudden friction making me cry out loudly.

 

"Ah..!"

I collapsed and buried my face into the bed, my body trembling with pent-up emotions. In my heart, I was begging him to continue, but I couldn't speak. Krit flipped me onto my back, spreading my legs and moving between them. The sight was so arousing that I had to close my eyes and turn my head away, but Krit grabbed my chin with a firm hand and forced me to look at him.

 

"Look at me"

 

His words were polite, but his actions were raw and unrestrained, fully exposing his deepest desires. He slid his hands under my knees, pressing my thighs almost to my chest, and focused his strength at my entrance. He looked into my eyes and thrust in hard, pushing all the way in one go. I moaned loudly, warm droplets spilling onto my lower abdomen.

 

Krit moved with full force, my hips lifting to meet his thrusts. The sound of our bodies slapping together was loud and rapid. Soon, my entrance clenched tightly as I reached my peak. Krit kept thrusting in and out until I heard a deep groan from his throat as he released inside me.

 

We stayed cuddled together on the bed afterwards, even as the sky outside the window darkened. Krit held me tightly against his chest, kissing my cheeks and lips repeatedly. I did the same, as if we were both satisfied yet still craving each other's touch.

 

"Krit, don't you want to go out to eat anymore?" I asked.

 

"And you? Don't you have to work?"

"I took the day off to organise the room."

 

"That's good."

 

"Then why are you smiling like that?" I was annoyed by his smile now. It was...flirtatious and scheming, like he was planning to have me again.

 

"Like what? Are you imagining things?" He dragged his words as if defending himself.

 

"Really? Well, that's good, because I'm not letting you have another round."

 

"Is that so?"

"Mhm."

 

"I don't believe you"

 

With that, he moved to nuzzle my chest and stomach. I squirmed because it tickled, until I had to beg him to stop because I couldn't take it anymore. We lay on our backs side by side under the blanket that covered us up to our waists. Krit turned to me and asked, "Can I stay over tonight?"

 

"If you do, I won't finish organising the room," I teased, because I'd never seen him plead like this, and it was adorable.

 

"I won't be a bother. How about this? I'll take care of the packing myself. You just sit on the bed and point to where you want me to put things." I laughed. "You'd go that far?"

 

"I’d do anything. Just tell me."

 

Krit leaned in to press a kiss to my forehead before lying back down beside me. We talked about ordering food to the room instead of eating out. Krit suggested getting some kitchenware so we could cook together whenever he came over.

 

"You're planning to come here often, huh?" I said, pretending not to believe him.

 

"That depends on whether the room's owner allows it."

 

"That depends on what role you're coming in as," I said half-jokingly, though my heart pounded in my chest. It was a risky thing to say.

 

"What else could it be? It has to be like your boyfriend," he said, tapping my nose. "This is your police boyfriend."

 

He lifted a finger and tapped his chest. "And this... is the cutest top host in the country."

 

"Krit, you're exaggerating," I pretended to complain, pushing him away, though I was actually blushing and thrilled. He said I was his boyfriend. Oh my... I wanted to shout it to the world. Krit pulled me into his arms again. "Tonight, I'll hold you all night so you can sleep well. Okay?"

 

"Don't complain if your arm goes numb, and don't let go," I said, snuggling into his chest. His arms were so warm, filled with a sense of stability and security. I wanted to stay like this with him forever, no matter what it cost.

 

My beloved Krit, the one who holds all my love in his heart. He's worth it. I smiled to myself without him seeing, completely confident that I would sleep well tonight.

 

Because whether in dreams or reality, he's mine.