Lately, It's Winter Season.
Chapter 40 - Do Not Break the Faith
(Are you okay?)
“Okay.”
(Are you sure?)
“Um. When are you coming back?”
(I'm going home soon. You should go too.)
"Okay."
(See you later.)
“See you later.” I hung up on Sing and sighed.
Dad is gone… but I don’t know how I should feel, or if I should feel anything. Because right now, I don’t feel anything. Not sad, not happy, nothing. The old memories, the pain he caused me, have faded with time. But if it was Sing… just thinking about it makes me feel uneasy. Because my real family, only it...
I heard they’re keeping Dad’s body until they find a successor. Right now, the most likely candidate is Sing. He’s not having it easy these days, surrounded by people who crave power. That’s normal. I don’t know how much I can help, but I’ll do my best to support him. I’ve had several accomplishments, so I think it’ll come in handy when it comes to this. I packed my things and put them in my backpack, just in time for Nao to return.
“Where are you going?”
“Housework.”
“Housework? Not work?”
“My dad is dead.”
“Huh?” Nao was stunned, walked over and grabbed my hand, “Really…”
“Yeah.” I nodded, smiling slightly. The other person’s face was full of worry, which warmed my heart. “I’m fine, you know that.”
“It's good that it's okay.” Nao breathed a sigh of relief, “So what next? What about your job now that your dad is gone?”
"Sing will probably take over."
“Are you sure?”
I explained to Nao the process of becoming a gang leader. He nodded thoughtfully.
“Got it. But I think you'll be chosen anyway. You can tell I'm better than the rest.”
“Not sure.” I gently stroked Nao's face.
“My condolences anyway.”
"YES."
“Can I go to the funeral?” Nao asked hesitantly, “But it won't be a normal funeral, right?”
“Okay. I'll take you.”
“Um, okay. Remember to contact me.”
“I've been in touch all the time.” I laughed, “Have I ever disappeared without telling you?”
“That time, before you went to Hong Kong.”
“That doesn't count.”
“Yeah, yeah, never mind.” Nao gently hugged me, and I hugged him back. “Remember to come back soon.”
“Yes, sir.”
"It's a pity that Mick invited you out for a drink today, but you can't go."
“Huh?” I raised my eyebrows, loosened my grip, and looked straight at him, “Are you going out drinking?”
“Yeah, Mick invited me. Didn’t he tell you?” Nao asked. I quickly checked my phone to see if I had any messages. Sure enough, Mick had texted me to go drinking, “Me, Mick, Fuse, and you. But never mind, I told him you were busy.”
“You… I won't let you go.” I frowned, “You can't go anywhere without me.”
“Are you kidding me? I accept.”
“Tell him your boyfriend won't let you go. Your boyfriend is jealous.”
“No. Mick is upset and wants someone to talk to.”
“Can't you call? Why do you have to go to the pub?”
“Mick is sad; he wants to drink.”
“Naooooo…”
“Come on, North is going too. That reluctant bodyguard of yours.” Nao said nonchalantly, and I began to worry. Letting Nao go drinking without me… I was both worried and jealous.
“Then I'll go too.”
“No, your business is more important.”
“Then you can't go either.”
“Hey, don't be such a baby. I promised him.”
“Naoooo…” I drawled, pouting and grabbing his hand, shaking it lightly, “No way! I won’t let you go alone. I’m worried, and I’m jealous too. Last time you went, people stared at you. Without me blocking you, you’d be seen through!”
“They were looking at you.” Nao pouted, “I had to shield you.”
“Not true!”
“Come on, I'm going with my friends, those guys will look after you too. Especially North.”
“You have to send me pictures every half hour.”
"Okay."
"I text you so you have to reply immediately."
"Okay."
“I won't drink too much… Oh well, that’s hard. You drink alcohol like water. I remember someone once said he wouldn’t touch alcohol when he grew up.”
“Who said that?”
“You there!”
“Really?” Nao laughed and patted my shoulder, “Come on, I don’t drink much, and I’ve never done anything bad.”
“Don't cause trouble for anyone. I'm really worried.” I warned seriously.
“That won't happen. I'm here to drink, not fight. But if someone starts a fight, that's a different story.”
“If so, avoid it.”
“Dodging what? You know I'm a gangster.”
“Go away. I don’t want to see you get hurt.” I said,
“Just remember his face and name, I’ll deal with it later.”
“Okay, that's fine.” Nao smiled lightly, looking a little embarrassed.
“Yeah.” I smiled and continued, “I’ll ask Ikkyu and Fuse to look after you. If you get too drunk, they’ll take you home. Sorry, I can’t take care of you myself.”
“It's okay.” Nao waved his hand.
“Then I'll go.”
“Yeah, be careful.”
Nao saw me off to the door. Before leaving, I bent down and kissed him lightly on the forehead. Seeing Nao's red face, I smiled with satisfaction and walked away, not forgetting to call Ikkyu and Fuse to watch over Nao. They both accepted the invitation right away. Now, only North remained.
“Don't let anyone see or come near Nao, understand?”
(Oh my god, what? I was just going out for a drink, and now I have to keep an eye on him?) North's voice was full of frustration, (And why didn't his husband go too?)
“I can't go. If I could, I would have gone.” I said, “Two million.”
(Is that enough? Honestly, Tiger, I—)
“Ten million.” I interrupted. I knew he was going to nag for more. There was silence on the other end for a few seconds.
(The numbers jump so fast. I was only planning to ask for two and a half million.)
“Take it. Just keep an eye on Nao.”
(Okay, buddy. Whoever looks at Nao, I'll punch them. Okay?)
"Agree."
(Really?) North chuckled.
“Really.”
(Are you crazy? I'm just kidding. Besides, I don't need any money.) North said, (Just pay for my drinks. I'll send you the bill.)
“Yeah. You're suddenly being nice today.”
(Just a little bit. Lottery day is coming up. They say if you do good things, you will have good luck. But no matter how well I do, I still don't win. I'll probably have to print a picture of the God of Wealth to worship.)
“Lottery again…” I sighed, “Were you born to buy lottery tickets?”
(One must have faith, boy.)
“I've heard this a million times. If you like it, play it alone. Why drag Nao along? Now he's addicted to it too.”
(Nao is great because he has faith!)
“Sigh, Johan and I are planning to buy the lottery company and lock the numbers for you and Nao to win. What do you think?”
(Nooooooo! I've forbidden Johan so many times. Isn't buying like that the same as asking him for money? He'll lose even more. No, absolutely not! I have to earn money from outside, not spend it at home!) North yelled, (I'm telling Nao. Don't buy it secretly! Don't destroy our trust!)
“Nao will nag me. Forget it, just don't buy it. Just play, I just don't like seeing Nao disappointed every time he fails.”
(Forget it, disappointment is also a part of life. Let Nao learn to accept the bitterness of life. I have tasted it many times, but I still do not give up. What do you think?)
“Learning from losing money to the lottery? Sigh, I'm going.”
(Yeah, bye.)
***********
I waited at the airport until Sing arrived. We went home together, discussing gangs and other topics on the way.
“You finally proposed to Ben?”
"YES."
“So fast? It's only been two days.”
“Luckily, Ben understood that I was late, that I proposed in a hurry, but Ben accepted because he loved me.”
“Are you saying this to annoy me?” I sighed.
“How are you?”
“Still the same.”
“No argument?”
"Are not."
“Good.” Sing looked out at the road and said in a low voice, “If I become the leader, it might be difficult at first. We have to prove to them that we are worthy.”
“No problem, but what if you can't get up?”
"Then be someone else's junior."
“Not at all.” I said bluntly, “You'd better do it. But if you don’t get picked, I think we should start over.”
“Betray the old gang?”
“Don’t you think so?” I asked again, “Under my father, it’s bearable because he respects you because you’re the most powerful branch leader. But if it were someone else, I wouldn’t accept it. They might order you to be killed because you have too much power.”
“Yeah, I think so too.” Sing nodded slightly, “I’ve already planned it. If I’m not chosen, I’ll make the first move. Actually, everything is already prepared.”
“That's fast. Your father just died, and you're already planning to overthrow the government.”
“Fast is the way to win. I'm just preparing for the worst. Others can do it too.” Sing said calmly, “If possible, I don't want to do it because it will cause unnecessary damage.”
“But there are stupid people who are willing to give up everything just to gain power.” I said, “Like that old man in Malaysia, I hate people who don’t value the lives of their juniors to the point of madness.”
"You are the type of person who loves his juniors."
“You too.” I glanced at him, “If it weren’t for them, would we have this power? You taught me that.”
Sing was the one who taught me how to ‘return a heart to a heart’. When my juniors respected me, I respected them too. I never let them get hurt or die in vain. Every plan was carefully calculated, and I was always the one who took the highest risks.
“Good job, you taught your little brother well.” Sing laughed, “I can take him down and merge the Malaysian branch into the main branch and let you take over. I don’t think someone like him is worthy of being a leader.”
“No, I'm not going there.” I refused immediately.
“Yeah. Well, let's see how things go.”
"YES."
*************
Soon, we arrived home. Everyone inside was dressed in black for mourning. Dad’s body was placed in a room on the second floor, and people were coming to pay their respects. It wasn’t the day of the meeting to choose a successor yet, so there weren’t too many people coming. Sing and I walked upstairs together, knelt in front of the large coffin, and placed flowers on it.
“I don’t know what to say.” Sing spoke first, “Um… Dad probably doesn’t want us to be sad or cry, right? On the contrary, if I die, I don’t want Dad to be heartbroken. He wouldn’t be sad; he would just feel regretful about losing a good subordinate he personally trained. He’ll find someone to replace me soon.”
“We’ve always been like that because it’s a relationship of interests, master and servant. Dad never loved my brother and me, so what he got in return wasn’t love. I don’t want to repeat what he did to me and my brother when we were young, but there’s one thing I want to say: I hate Dad for hurting my brother, for causing him physical and mental pain. Even so, I’ll still do what Dad wanted – become the supreme leader after Dad dies. It’s bitter, right? If power falls into the hands of someone else instead of his family, at least, even after death, he still wants to leave the throne to his people.”
“I will. I will take over. But not for Dad.” Sing’s voice was still calm, his eyes emotionless. “Just wait and see how far I can go.”
“Do you have anything to say?”
“No,” I replied, “You said it all. Oh, I just wanted to say that I don’t blame my father anymore, so when I heard about his death, I didn’t feel anything. I’m no longer the child who always craved his love. Now I have Sing, someone who loves me, and that’s enough.”
“Rest in peace, Supreme Leader,” I said, turning to look at Sing and nodding. We left the room and went downstairs to find my mother waiting for us, dressed all in black.
“Sing, Tiger, I want to talk to you two for a bit.”
The three of us entered Dad’s office and sat on the sofa in front of his desk. Mom still had her usual cold expression. Even though she was dressed in black from head to toe, she had bright red lipstick on, as if she were mocking something.
“Mom… no, perhaps I have no right to say that I have taken care of you or been present in your lives.” The woman in front of her changed the way she addressed us from “mom” to “I,” crossed her legs, and looked at us thoughtfully. Her expressionless face suddenly became gloomy,
“Can you spare some time to listen to me?”
“Now that you've said it, tell me,” Sing said. She smiled slightly.
“I both love and hate you.” Her voice was full of conflict, both sad and angry, “Chin, your father, and I never loved each other.”
“I am the only daughter of a gang. The marriage between Chin and me was for the benefit of both organisations, and I was forced into it against my will. Chin raped me, and I gave birth to you, so that is why I both love and hate you. I love you because you are my blood, but I hate you because you are the children of the man who raped me.”
“He controlled everything about us, including how he treated our children. Chin liked to see things his way because he had been treated that way himself. As a child, he was abused, forced, and pressured. But on the contrary, he wanted to build a perfect family. That’s why we have to eat together, why we have to show concern for each other.”
“Maybe it’s a wound from childhood.” She shrugged, “Wanting to have a perfect family, but beating and hurting his children physically and mentally and never giving love because he had no love. As for me, I never tried to stop him. I didn’t stop him because I didn’t want trouble with him, and also because I didn’t feel anything when my children were treated like that. Maybe sometimes I felt a little guilty, but not enough to change anything.”
“Did my words hurt you?”
“Um.” We both nodded. Sing said bluntly, “We don’t love you either.”
“Very good. Sing was born to inherit Chin’s position. Tiger was too soft, and you used to look at me with such innocent eyes that I couldn’t stand it… But look at you now.” She smiled with satisfaction, “Those kinds of emotionless eyes are what I want. I don’t want you to look at me with those hopeful eyes.”
“And then?” Sing spoke up.
“You both must understand why I treated you like that, and I apologise for eavesdropping. You two may not feel anything about Chin’s death, but I am very happy. That bastard deserved to die a painful death.”
“The first and last thing I can give you is to make Sing the supreme leader.”
“What are you going to do?” Sing asked.
“I have wanted to overthrow him for a long time, and my old gang is all on my side. I have also been secretly gathering more power. I have three branch leaders supporting me; they will stand behind you.”
“Who is it?”
She said her name.
“Plus the Hong Kong branch, that’s four. There might be more. No matter what, Sing, you’ll definitely become the leader.” Her voice was filled with confidence, “After you take office and finish organising that bastard’s funeral, I can also disappear and start a new life. That would be good for you guys.”
“Um.” Sing nodded, “I hope so.”
“I’m not lying.” She smiled sincerely for the first time, “Trust me. At the very least, you are still my blood. I have never given you anything, so let me do this.”
Sing nodded again and stood up. “I see, that's good too.”
“Well, good luck to you both.”
“Um.” I also stood up and left the room with Sing. When we got to the car, Sing asked:
“Are you okay?”
“It's fine. In fact, it's great. You'll definitely become a leader.”
“Yeah. I didn’t expect that mother, no, that woman, had the intention of overthrowing him, so she secretly gathered forces. If it’s true, it’s good for us. But I’m just worried that you won’t be okay with what she said,” Sing replied.
“No.” I leaned against the car, “Sing, what did I say?”
“What do you say?”
“Hey, I just said it in front of my dad. Just having you and the person I love is enough. My real family is only you.” I said it bluntly. Sing nodded in understanding.
“Me too. My family only consists of you. Oh, and Ben, the man I'm about to marry.”
“I want to propose to Duen Nao, too.”
“That's too soon. You're only 21.”
“What do you mean by early? Is it because of your age? You’re only twenty-eight and already a supreme leader, isn’t that early?” I argued back, but then sighed, “Ah, it’s a bit early. Let’s wait until we finish school.”
“Uh huh. I'm always ready to welcome my sister-in-law.”
“Of course you should welcome him.”
“Yeah, let's go eat.”
"Go."
After everything was done, I took out my phone and texted my boyfriend. I had told him to send me pictures every half hour, but I was busy for several hours. I wondered what was going on. I opened it and saw that Duen Nao had been sending pictures every half hour. The last message was sent fifteen minutes ago.
Your tiger: Hey man, I just finished work.
Your tiger: How are you?
Your tiger: Are you home yet?
Dn: It's Ikkyu. Nao was drunk, so I took him back to his room.
Dn: But I have something for you to see.
Dn: [Send photo]
Then there was a long series of ha’s. I looked at that picture and burst out laughing.
Your tiger: hahahaha