Lately, It's Winter Season.

Chapter 38 -It's the one who misses you.

The alarm clock rang at 8:00 a.m., waking me up. Out of habit, I reached for my phone first. I immediately frowned when I saw the notification: 'Sing's birthday'. Actually, it's not that I didn't remember, but I had set a reminder because it was an important day.

I put my feet down on the bed, thinking about what I should do to celebrate his birthday. Two seconds later, I stopped… Sigh, why am I so careless? 

Sing and I are no longer the same. Before, I was always the one who took care of everything from food to drinks. As for birthday gifts, every year it gets harder and harder to choose because I don’t know what to buy.

I wonder who he will celebrate with this year. Alone? Or with his wife? Even though he said he doesn't love me, living together might change his mind. Well, I don't want to think about this anymore. Three months apart doesn't mean I've given up entirely. I used to think I could do it, but it's not true. The only thing I can do now is accept it - accept that Sing doesn't love me the way I love him. Once I received it, I gradually became numb to that feeling. If you ask me if it still hurts, it only hurts when I accidentally think of him.

My bar is open at night, so I have free time in the morning to do this and that. Gardening has become my hobby. Life is really unpredictable. I don’t know when I’ll be hunted down. Everyone knows that once you step into that world, you can never be completely safe, even if you retreat. If someone from another gang happens to see me and recognises me, then something will happen. If I’m so unlucky that they come all the way here, it’ll be fun. But I don't worry too much and just live usually. If something happens, I'll think about it later.

In the evening, I opened the bar as usual. Today was as busy as usual. People said that they liked to come to my bar because the drinks were unique and had great flavours. I was happy to hear such compliments. Before, I only mixed drinks for Sing. I took the trouble to learn how to mix drinks just for him because Sing was a real alcoholic.

It's the end of winter and spring is coming. Spring is terrific here, and I'm really looking forward to it... If only Singapore could be there too. I sighed in frustration as I let my mind wander and remembered Singapore. At that moment, I was standing behind the bar, busy making drinks for the customers. While I was busy working, a customer came and sat at the bar. I didn't have time to see his face, and all I saw was a bouquet placed on the table.

“Who are these flowers for, sir?” I asked politely in English.

“The most beautiful person in this bar.” The man replied. I immediately raised my head when I heard that voice. Sing…

It was Sing in a black jacket, smiling gently at me. My first instinct was to look down at his hand to see if there was a ring on his ring finger… No ring? Not married? Or just not wearing it?

“What’s wrong? Are you relieved to see that there’s no ring on my hand?” Sing said in Thai. I kept quiet, didn't answer, and only responded politely.

“What would you like to have?”

“The thing I like.”

“What do you like- Oh, hi Luke, you’re early today.” I turned to greet Luke, a regular customer of the bar. Since he often sat at the bar and chatted with me, we were a bit close. “Still the same?”

“Same as before. You really know me, Ben.” Luke smiled.

“Why do you know what's his but not mine?” Sing looked displeased. I ignored him and continued making Luke's drink.

“Ben.” Sing's voice dropped, but of course, I didn't care. What is he doing here…

After finishing the drink, I placed it in front of Luke. When Luke started a conversation, I returned it with a polite smile. When I glanced over, I saw Sing still sitting there with a calm expression. That made me a little worried because when Sing was like that, nothing good was definitely going to happen. Hopefully, he wouldn’t destroy my place… right? So is that big bouquet of roses.

The most beautiful person in the shop? What is he up to? Did he ask his wife out here on a date and give her that bouquet? Fuck, just kick me in the face if you're going to do that.

I heard Sing's voice calling me again, this time in a lower voice as if he had lost all patience. But I still ignored him because I didn't want to talk to him, let alone see his face.

“Every second you ignore me, I will kill someone in here.” I paused, feeling my heart stop for a moment. It sounded like a threat, but this was Sing, and I knew him better than anyone. He wasn’t joking, and if I continued to ignore him… this place would definitely turn into a murder scene.

“Don't bring that habit here.”

“So you're willing to talk to me.” Sing smirked.

"Rude."

“You know me. Give me a drink like usual.” I sighed, agreeing to make him a drink. Luke called me, but I told him to wait a moment.

“Are you close to him?”

“Regular customer.”

“He likes you.”

“Just a regular customer.”

"You can tell by the way he looks at you."

“What does it have to do with you?” I asked, feeling annoyed, what you were saying made it sound like you were jealous.

“Why is it irrelevant? Don't you want my answer? I'm here to answer.” Sing said. I unconsciously avoided his gaze. If it were before, I would have been happy. But now, isn't it too late?

“It's too late.”

“I’m not married,” he said. “When you disappeared, I went crazy and couldn’t do anything until my dad called Tiger in to replace me. Then I had to work really hard to make up for it, and the debt continued to accumulate. It took me almost three months to get to you. You know how busy I am, especially when you’re not around.”

“…”

“Honestly, Ben, you're very mean to me, too.”

"Why?"

“You know how much I don’t care about love. I’ve always considered you a friend, but you suddenly said it and ran off to New Zealand, and now you say it’s too late. Why don’t you give me some time to think? And my dad, he keeps forcing me to work, introducing me to dozens of secretaries, but all I want is you.”

“…You…” I frowned, “You came here to pick a fight with me.”

“Then why don't you give me some time to think?”

“I told you you were getting married, give me time to watch you marry someone else?”

“But I'm not getting married anymore.”

“You never said you wouldn't get married,” I argued back. “You're beating around the bush.”

“But how many times have I emphasised that I cannot live without you?”

“It’s indispensable because we’re friends,” I replied. I was about to ask more, but the waiter walked over and touched me, calling softly:

“Mr Ben, there is a customer who wants to see the owner.”

“What's wrong with them?”

“Yes, it's Liam. He said there were insects in his drink.”

“…” 

I sighed as soon as I heard that name. Liam… that bastard. He was pretty famous in this area, handsome, of high social status, and had a particular influence in town. Basically, the type of person that everyone respected. But to me, he was just a nuisance.

He tried to approach me, but I refused to accept his advances. So he did some weird things to get back at me and embarrass me. He likes making up stories about insects in his glass of water. You idiot... I made it myself; my eyes were still staring at you, but you're really good at making it up.

I left the bar and walked straight to his table. Liam smirked, his eyes narrowing provocatively. I smiled back politely, even though I wanted to punch him in the teeth. It wasn't because I was afraid of who he was or how powerful he was; I just wanted to live in peace and not cause trouble.

“Is there a problem?”

“There’s a bug in my drink. Is this acceptable?” Liam lifted his cocktail glass, which had a minor bug on it—he had obviously just put it in, “Should I sue this place for being unsanitary?”

“We will change your glass. We are very sorry. As a token of our apology, you will receive a free drink tonight.” I forced a smile.

“Ben,” he cleared his throat, “Why did you reject me?”

“…”

“You know, I can totally shut this place down. But if you're mine, I'll make your business a lot more successful.”

I didn't respond, not because of what he said but because his hand had just squeezed my butt! I clenched my fist, intending to punch him in the face, but someone else struck first. I didn’t know when Sing had been standing nearby. He grabbed Liam’s head and slammed it hard on the table. There was an empty plate on the table, the plate broke, and so did his head. Blood splattered all over the table. Liam’s hair was pulled up, his forehead and nose were split open, amidst the screams of horror around him.

I just stood there, as if it were normal. I was used to seeing Sing beat people up. He threw Liam to the floor, sat on top of him, and punched him repeatedly. Wait-no! I can't just stand there and watch! This is my shop!

“STOP!” I shouted. Several people rushed to stop him, but stopped when Sing pulled out his gun.

Liam's eyes widened; he was so scared that he peed his pants. Sing put the gun to his mouth, his finger on the trigger. In that moment, I rushed forward and hugged Sing tightly. He didn't hesitate; if I didn't stop him, he would have pulled the trigger for sure.

“Get him out! Get him out now!” I yelled to the others. Two men immediately dragged Liam away. People around also tried to help restrain Sing. I was closest to him and heard him whisper:

“This bouquet is yours.” Sing dropped the gun and put his hands behind his head in surrender. The men in the bar immediately rushed in and tied his hands. The police arrived shortly after. He obediently let them take him away without any resistance. I wasn't worried about him, but what bothered me was that statement.

'This bouquet is yours.'

Before that, he had said that this bouquet was for the most beautiful person.

My shop had to close early because of the chaos. There will probably be fewer customers in the future, but whatever. I didn't open the shop for profit.

It’s Near midnight, and I sat on the sofa, staring at the large bouquet of roses in front of me, my mind in turmoil. Sing said I was cruel for not giving him time to think… But he was about to get engaged; who could wait?

You are so cruel. For three months, I thought you were married. I picked up the bouquet and hugged it to my chest, unable to put my feelings into words at that moment. I sat there in a daze for a while, then I passed out without realising it.**

********************

The phone ringing awakened me. It was my neighbour calling.

"Hello?"

(Ben, there's been a strange-looking man standing in front of your house for almost two hours. Are you okay? Should I call the police?)

“Let me check.” I lifted the curtain and looked out. Just by looking at the silhouette, I knew who it was.

“Just an acquaintance of mine. Thank you for your concern.” I hung up, quickly put on my coat and ran out.

“Are you stupid? It’s cold outside. What are you doing standing here?” I growled, glancing at the clock on my phone, “It’s two in the morning.”

Even though winter was almost over, it was still quite cold. Sing stood still, saying nothing.

“Are you okay?”

“…You're not mad at me, are you?”

"Angry about what?"

"Because I ruined your restaurant."

“Ah… never mind. Let's go inside first.”

“…”

I pulled him into the house, and he was cold. Anyone would be cold after standing outside for two hours. The neighbours were worried.

"I'm afraid you're angry with me."

“Yeah, I'm not angry.”

I helped him take off his coat, pushed him down on the chair and covered him with a blanket.

“What's wrong with you? What were you standing there for two hours?”

“I rang the bell, but you didn't come out. I thought you were angry, so I waited until you stopped being angry.” His voice softened.

“Why didn’t you call? If you followed me all the way here, it shouldn’t be hard to find the number?” I frowned.

"I'm afraid you're angry."

“…”

Seeing me silent, he asked: "Why?"

“Where is the guy who put a gun in someone's mouth last night?”

“He’s gone. He only appears when someone touches you.”

“Do you have a dual personality or something?” I sighed, “Sing.”

“Ben.” We call each other by name.

“You say first.”

“You say first.”

Repeat it at the same time.

“You have to say it first,” I said.

“…I just realised how stupid I am.” Sing exhaled, leaning back on the sofa.

“That's stupid. No smart person would stand out in the cold like that.”

“It's because you miss someone. When you miss someone, you will stand in front of their house, no matter how cold or rainy it is.”

“I’m starting to have hope,” I said. “You're coming to me today, you're doing all these things… Tell me, in what way do you remember? If it’s in a friendly way, I’ll really shoot you dead.”

"Shoot me now?"

"You didn't bring a gun; it's hard to fight back this time."

"Why would I bring a gun to your house?"

"Then why did you bring it to my shop?"

“Just in case. And eventually I’ll have to use it.” Sing replied and turned to see the bouquet of roses on the table, smiling contentedly, “Beautiful, isn’t it?”

“The flowers are beautiful, but I am not.”

“It suits me.” He reached out and picked a flower, then put it in my hair. “It really suits me.” I took the flower out and put it back on the table.

“What the hell? How stupid are you?”

“At first, I really didn’t know what I thought of you. Tiger told me to imagine you were someone else. Like… if you weren’t a friend, not an acquaintance, but just some guy who loved me, how would I feel?”

“Oh, so what?” I nodded, understanding.

“It won’t work.” Sing frowned, “Because I don’t care about love. I don’t care if someone loves me for ten years, twenty years, I don’t care.”

“…”

“But I care about you.”

“Oh, so what?”

“We've kissed before, right?”

"Correct."

“Can I kiss you again?”

“…” 

I was speechless for a moment, then immediately refused, “No, I don't kiss someone who doesn't love me.”

"How could we kiss before?"

"I thought you loved me."

"Then we can kiss, right?"

“…Do you love me?”

“When you’re not here, I can’t eat or sleep. At first, I thought it was just because I lost my only best friend, but that’s not true.” Sing began, “When I said I couldn’t live without you…”

“Indispensable in what role?” I asked.

“Every role.” Sing replied firmly, “You are everything to me, Ben. Without you, I can’t do anything. I can’t even choose what to wear to work after waking up. I don’t know which watch to wear. Since no one is available to help me with my work, I keep making mistakes. If you were there, I would have finished everything in a month. But without you, I took so long to come here.”

“I didn't think you were that bad.” I raised my eyebrows.

“I'm wavering.”

“What oscillation?”

“Because I miss you.”

“…”

“Just thinking about you having someone new makes me restless.” Sing said, “Is this feeling of wanting to hold on tight, not wanting anyone else to have you, still just friendship?”

“No longer a friendship,” I replied immediately.

“You love me, Sing. You love me!” I said loudly.

“Ah… Oh, right. But why shout so loudly?”

“It was fun. Say it out loud for emphasis, in case you were hesitant.”

“I thought you were shy.”

“At this age, what are you shy about? I’m not a kid anymore. If you said that five or six years ago, I would have been shy.” I replied, without any shyness. Sing loved me. Even though he had to wait, it was worth it. This is considered perfect, right? “Listen to me, don’t hesitate like you did three months ago. Look at my mouth! Love! Me! Since when?”

“Is it when you realise?”

“Yeah, when will you stop being so stupid?”

“Probably… about two weeks after you left. That's when I got a little sober.”

“Drinking?”

"YES."

“How can you be sober after drinking? At first, I was expecting you to come looking for me. But you went out drinking.” I angrily reached out and twisted his ear, “After a month, I lost hope.”

"Then why don't you confess to me?"

“I'm not in the same dilemma as you, how would I understand?”

“So we have to wait until we can't take it anymore?” Sing raised an eyebrow.

“And what about the wedding? Your dad didn't say anything?”

“We fought, a big one at that,” Sing replied, “But I cancelled it. I cancelled it before you got here. I thought that damn wedding ruined everything, so I cancelled it. When you were at the airport, I wanted to come apologise, but I was afraid of being sent back because I was still unsure of myself.”

“I should have given you some time to think.” I turned to look at him, put my hands on the back of the chair and rested my chin on it, “Sigh, I don’t really know what you’re thinking. But because we kissed three times when we were drunk, I had hope. I was afraid we would break up.” Even so, I didn’t dare confess, because I was afraid you wouldn’t think the same way.

“Um, the dilemma you mentioned?”

“Yeah. But do you know when you started loving me?” I nodded.

“I don’t know.” He shook his head, “I don’t recognise anything. If I knew, this wouldn’t be happening.”

“Oh yeah, why do I ask?”

“Sorry, I realised it too late.”

“It's okay. I was in a hurry to get an answer, too.”

But before I could finish, Sing leaned down and kissed me. His warm hands caressed my neck, massaging gently around the nape of my neck and ears. We tilted our heads to find the perfect angle. His tongue slid into my mouth, sweeping everywhere. I responded, our tongues intertwined, making wet sounds that echoed in the quiet space.

I greedily took the sweetness from his mouth, and Sing did the same. He lightly bit my upper lip, then my lower lip. I reached out and placed my hand on his waist, sliding it along his back under his shirt.

Sing pushed me down onto the sofa and quickly took off my shirt. I complied without protest. We continued kissing, our hands constantly caressing each other's bodies. Sing took off his shirt, revealing firm white skin full of battle scars. I began to feel a little tense in my lower body.

“Want to be on top?” I teased, amused.

"Are not."

"Then why push me down?"

“Because you… Wait, what are you thinking? You think you'll be the one to take the initiative?”

“Oh, of course.” I immediately sat up, confused, “So I have to be the passive one?”

"Correct."

“Wait, wait!” I raised my hand to stop him, “I’m not mentally prepared for this. Actually, I think it’s a bit too fast if we do it today. Let me prepare myself mentally first.”

Sing said nothing but just showed a displeased face. I quickly put on my shirt and stood up to find a way to escape.

“Are you hungry? I have some good wine. Hey!!”

Before I could do anything, Sing lifted me and slung me over his shoulder. He walked to the bed and put me down without mercy. Standing in front of me, he smiled with satisfaction, his sharp eyes scanning my body with desire.

“Hungry.”

After saying that, it immediately pounced on me. I jumped and wanted to dodge, but it was too late, so it pressed me down on the bed.

“I asked if you were hungry!”

“Now I'm hungrier for you.”

“Wait, can't you let me prepare myself mentally?” I put my hands on his bare chest, trying to keep my distance.

"It's OK."

“…”

“No?” Sing lowered his voice, acting coy. God, who could resist this? I sighed and nodded slightly.

“Haha, I knew you would lose like this. So cute, whose wife is this?” He patted my head affectionately.

“…”

“There, you're embarrassed. Your face is really red, you know that?”

“Shut up!!”