Lately, It's Winter Season.

Chapter 11- P'Sing and the Bingsu Shop

 

I let myself cry and sink into the shoulders of the person in front of me without caring about anything else. Both hands are trembling. I am letting my whole body down, lacking strength, and waiting for the other person to support it. The arms that embrace me now are so warm that I accidentally think I want to live like this forever.

 

It took almost twenty minutes before I could stop crying. I, who kept sitting still and refused to move, was dragged into the house by the cold. I glanced at him, who walked to pick up a towel soaked in water so he could sit down on the sofa next to him. Ready to wipe my face with a damp cloth.

 

I focused on the familiar face. In my head, I suddenly thought of various things. Previously, I thought I was not the one who cried very often. At most, I secretly cried alone because I didn't want anyone to see it. No matter what, I tried to keep it all to myself all the time.

 

"Cold," I said in a soft voice.

"What's up?"

 

"Aren't you afraid at all?"

"What are you afraid of?"

 

"Gu"

"Not afraid, why are you afraid?"

 

"I used to be so bloody when I came home," I asked in what I've always wondered about. Even though he said he trusted me, what kind of person do you have to be not even to be suspicious? "I might do something bad and hurt you or your family."

 

The hand holding the towel paused for a moment.

 

"So, will you do it?"

"No"

 

"That's it," he shrugged.

"Because you trust me?"

 

"Eh"

"Why the hell?"

 

"I don't know, I just feel that way."

 

"I trust my feelings so much," I asked without understanding.

 

Being hit by a cold guy makes me even more confused.

 

"What's yours? I'm not suspicious. You'll let me be suspicious. What the hell?"

"Well... I don't understand."

 

"Cold"

"What else?"

 

"Because you are so kind."

"So what's your problem?"

 

"No," I raised a thin smile and shook my head gently.

"Eh," and the cold guy got up and took a towel to collect. "Are you okay?"

 

"It's a little better." I reached out my hand to hold hands with the cold month, looking up at his eyes. The black colour of that pair is begging.

 

"Cold"

"What do you call me?"

 

"Will you stay with me?"

"Why do you ask?"

 

My heart trembled with fear. The smaller hand squeezed my hand tightly. I sat down and stared into his eyes. The strong posture was different from mine, which was shaking.

 

"If I tell you the truth, will you still be with me?"

"Well, I'm here."

 

"Think about it."

"You don't have to."

 

"If you don't want to talk, it's okay. Don't force it."

"No," I shook my head slightly. "I don't want to keep everything alone, then"

 

"Because now, in my heart, I believe more than half of it. No matter what, because you trust me for no reason, I want to trust you.”

 

"Eh"

"I... I'm the son of a mafia boss."

 

"Oh"

"Why don't you look surprised?"

 

"Well... I don't know." Nao raised his hand to scratch his head, frowned and made a thoughtful gesture. "I didn't think about it. But I'm not surprised. Yes, I'm not surprised. What's there to give? I'm surprised."

 

"But I'm a mafia."

"Ah ha"

 

"But my work is wrong, cold."

"Ah... Take this." The person in front of you made a serious face. "I'm an outsider. I've never been involved or known about the mafia. I don't know what your world is like. Therefore, I won't judge if it's right or wrong."

 

"The mafia has a world of mafia. Which is a different world where ordinary people can't judge the judgment of ordinary people. This is what I think. For me, this world is grey. There is no one side, black or white. There are many things behind that we don't know. And everything is not one-sided."

 

"But you are you, Tiger, no matter what you do behind your back, but for me, you are a very trustworthy person. As long as you don't betray me, that's enough."

 

"...Cold"

 

"All I know about you is you're a Tiger. You bastard, a Tiger who always takes care of me. Day by day, even though I'm retarded, I'm good at everything. I choose everything until sometimes I'm jealous. But you're a person who always cares about those around you. Tiger that I know is like that. But if it's a Tiger who is a mafia, I don't know because I've never found one."

 

"I still stand by the same word that you can always come back here."

 

With a gentle tone, Nao raised his hand and stroked my head softly.

 

"It means... You won't leave me, will you?"

"Erdi, did you just understand?"

 

"You made me want to cry again."

"If you want to cry, just cry. It's not embarrassing at all."

 

"My tears are all dry," I said, raising a big smile happily at the words the other party said. Inside his chest, warmth was received. "Thank you."

 

"Thank you so much."

"You were still gentle with me just now. My mood changes so quickly."

 

"I'm annoyed with you. Why is it strange that I said I would be with you?"

"Strange," I said, my voice low. I narrowed my eyes, and the other party frowned suspiciously.

 

"Why... Or is there no one with you?"

"My friends, Mick and Field."

 

"They don't know about this," I sighed, "I don't dare tell them."

"So why did you tell me?"

 

"I told you I would trust you as you trust me, even though you don't have it. The reason," I said again and again. "The day I came back with a bloodstain."

 

"At that time, my brain was very empty. I couldn't think of anything. I realised that I came back here again." I began to tell in a languid voice. "Probably because I like this place very much. I want a warm home. To talk to you like this would sound strange. But I want this place to be my home."

 

"... Ah"

 

"I like the atmosphere at the dining table, sitting together, watching movies or playing together before going to bed. I enjoy talking, even about small things, without overthinking or worrying about what others think. There is only good hope, and I do not expect any benefits, no bad words, or even hurting each other."

 

"Harm?"

 

"I'm the youngest child. I'm sorry for lying about not having siblings. I don't want to count Relatives with it."

"Ah, I understand."

 

"My brother's name is Leo or Sing. Sing was born as the son of a father. He is good at everything. No matter what he is ordered to do, he does everything well. Now, he has become the leader of the main branch gang."

 

“Unlike me, who doesn't like anything like this. My childhood memories are very vague. My brain probably doesn't want to remember much because it hurts. I'm not born with a fighting talent like Sing."

 

"But you are very good at fighting."

"It's not as much as I should be."

"Wow"

 

"To be at the level my father expects, I must practice much more. One of the coaches once said that I have talent, too. Just because I don't like it, I tried to resist."

 

"Well, I think it must be like that for sure."

 

 I raised my eyebrows and looked at the person who listened to the story in surprise. "Why?

 

Must be that much."

 

"Oh, I'm listening carefully."

 

"I'm trying to resist, but I know I can never escape forever. That's why I'm afraid people around me will leave me."

 

"Oh, I see." Nao nodded. "I'm afraid that others will be shocked to know.

That you are a mafia and leave you like that."

 

"There may be danger," I said honestly. "My significant other will never be safe. Cold, knowing this, will you still be with me?"

 

"I can go now for your safety, too," I said before he could even respond.

 

"Protect me"

 

"Huh?"

 

"Can you? If we are critical of you, can you protect us?"

 

"...It's cold," I called out the other person's name in disbelief at what I had just heard. But his eyes said he wasn't kidding.

 

"Mick and Field are the same. You don't have to be afraid that something will happen.

You just need to protect us."

 

"No," I answered almost immediately, sighing.

 

I was worried. "Cold, you don't understand; I can't do it."

 

"You can do it, believe me, you're so good at it."

 

"Protecting you from other mafia gangs? Don't say anything. It's easy. I can't do it alone. I must have enough power. And how can I have that power if I don't become a mafia?"

 

"Then answer me one thing. What about you?"

 

"What does that mean?"

 

"You say that you alone have no power to fight against other gangs. Who to protect?

 

No, what about you? Can you protect it?"

 

"Can't you?"

 

I shook my head instead of answering.

 

"I'm just saying this opinion on my part. Even if you're going to be alone, you alone can't do everything. You're not a superhero who can fight the whole mafia, right? How are you alone? The fact that you're the son of the mafia can't be erased. You're still being targeted anyway. You're alone amid those dangers; it's even worse."

 

"If I were another gang that had a grudge. Seeing the gang leader's son alone, the skilled man didn't have much time, so I would hurry to deal with it. But if it was the son of the gang who is good, powerful, formidable, and skilled. If I had to deal with it, I would think a lot."

 

"So if you don't want to protect us, Tiger, it's okay. You leave us. You can go but don't throw yourself away. Protect yourself from danger. That's all I ask for."

 

"Cold..."

 

Nao's words kept me quiet for a long time. Come to think of it. Everything is all right. I have to escape because I don't want others to get in trouble. But in fact, it's not just that. If it continues like this, even I won't be able to protect it.

 

"Sorry, if I say it, it makes you feel bad." The person in front of me softened their voice. "You don't want to mess with those things, I know. Judging from the way you cry and cry, you're going to die one day, I understand. But I'm just worried.

 

"You don't have to apologise. I understand. If you didn't remind me, I wouldn't have.

I miss this, too. Thank you."

 

"Thank you again."

 

"What's wrong? Don't you like the word thank you?"

 

"No, I just feel like I'm not doing anything special."

 

"Special," I said, "You make me a little more courageous."

 

"How the hell?"

 

"Well, if you didn't tell me that reason, I would have kept running away from problems because I couldn't think of it. I can treat everyone."

 

"Well"

 

"Sigh, but I don't like this."

 

"Well, at least there must be something we don't like in life. Everyone is born to encounter more or fewer problems. Encountering different problems, including tolerance, is not the same. But the only thing in common is that people can't choose to be born."

 

"It's true."

 

"For example, I'm not going to compare anything. Like me, I don't like everything in my life. I don't like it at home. I ran away without money. I don't like it when my father isn't with me. There is only my mother. My mother has to work hard alone to support the family. Stand and cook all day. Hit by the fire and smoke until sometimes she almost fainted."

 

"What do you like about yourself?"

 

Nao's question made me pause for a moment.

"I'm handsome."

 

"I'm so handsome that sometimes I'm tired. I'm good at studying. I can do all the sports. I also shoot accurately. I'm good at martial arts. I'm a person who gets along well with others. I pay attention to my friends' feelings. I'm funny sometimes."

 

"Well, handsome, oh," Nao keeps his mouth open, "See? You have both likes and dislikes in yourself, like everyone else."

 

"But mine can't be fixed at all. Yours can still be fixed," I argued. Nao gave me an example; it can be fixed.

 

"But my father's story can't be fixed."

 

"Someday on Mother's Day, I have to leave me too, and I will never be able to do it, but in the end, I can't do anything anyway. It's like life is like this, not everything we can accept, and not everything can be solved. Not every problem has a solution, but there is a way to move forward."

 

"... Hmm"

"Phu looks like it's an animal tonight."

 

"True"

 

"That's it, Tiger. Try to think a lot about how to take it."

 

"Don't think about it anymore."

 

"How"

 

"As you told me, and I don't want to run away anymore. I will protect both myself and everyone important to me."

 

"Did you make a quick decision? Think a lot."

 

"Oh, you can tell me to think. When I can think, you tell me to think a lot."

 

"Well, it's your whole life. I'm just saying it from my point of view."

 

"You're like a prophet to me now. Thank you for herding the lost lamb." I pretended to be grateful. "So what should I do next?"

 

"Oh, I don't know about this one."

 

"I don't know, I've never been interested."

 

"It's your brother, ask your brother," Nao offered.

 

"No, I don't want to lower myself to talk to him.

 

"That size?" The cold guy laughed out loud. "What makes you hate him so much?"

 

"It stirs my feet, likes to mock me"

 

"Oh"

 

"I would hate myself, too. If he loves me like you love the north, it would be good." I thought I was ready to sigh. But when I imagined myself and Sing loving each other, I almost vomited.

 

"At first, we didn't love each other at all."

 

"Hmm?"

"It's not us. I don't love Dan at all."

 

"Why the hell?"

 

"In fact, I've been a boss since I was a child," Nao began to tell with a proud gesture. "Like thinking that I'm cool, I don't allow anyone to tease or bully me, fight back, as well as being the leader of a children's gang. But Dan is weak; Dan gives in to people. That's why I dislike Dan so much, even though he's my brother. But I'm weak."

 

"You're a child."

 

"Animals, that's right. The more I see Dan doing it well, the more I don't like it. No matter who teases or whatever, I never retaliate or ask for help."

 

"So can you help me?" I asked.

 

"Don't help"

 

"Shit boy"

 

"Well, I know. At that time, I was a child. In the past, we were not close. I was closer to my friends."

 

"How old were you at that time?"

 

"Elementary school"

 

"It's a little big and steamed."

 

"P. Two or P. Three by myself"

 

"I'm a little older anyway."

 

"Eh, you," Nao said, "Dan kept reading books.

 

Every day, I felt that my brother was not cool at all, an animal. He was a boring person. Until one day, I saw Dan being bullied by a big senior after school. I didn't know how it came, but I kept peeking. I refused to help because I wanted to know what Dan would do."

 

"How can you get in love with someone like you?"

 

"Stop being grumpy, but there was also a flash that I would help. But I was afraid because the other party was very big. I couldn't fight for sure, so I ran away to play with my friends."

 

"Instead of telling the teacher?"

 

"Oh, I'm a bastard." The cold guy said, "I don't know. At that time, I was afraid. I'm afraid that I'll tell the adults, and it will be worse than before. I was bullied instead of this."

 

"And how is that dick?"

 

"I pulled my ears, pinched, ploughed money, cut some bag straps, and so on."

 

"For children, it's a mess. I mean, you're a bitch."

 

"Dan was hit by that bastard for a while until one day Dan couldn't stand it, he stabbed his leg with a pencil."

 

"Cruel animal," I said in a daze. "The north"

 

"I found out later that Dan was willing to be bullied by that guy because Dan protected me. Actually, that guy wanted my head, but Dan knew it first. So he made a deal to bully Dan instead and let me go. Until the day it said that he teased Dan until he got bored and came to tease me again. Dan stabbed him."

 

"... Brother's love, I can do it, but don't touch my brother."

 

"Yes, when I found out that I cried until I almost died. After that, my perspective on Dan changed completely. Dan loves me so much. How can I not love Dan?"

 

"Well, it's true."

 

"The important point is that I have a prejudice that makes me choose to overlook some of you. It could be the same. Is prejudice against your brother too much to overlook something?"

"What the hell do you overlook? Every time I look at my brother, I see he's just a piece of shit. That's it."

 

"Calm down." The cold guy laughed out again. "Have you talked to each other yet?"

 

"What are you talking about?"

 

"It's a matter that he likes to say bad things to you. You try to say it directly. I don't like it. Can't you do it?"

 

"I cursed back so much. He should know that I don't like it."

 

"You may hate him, I don't know. But at least try to talk to him once, once is enough. Talk for a reason, not prejudice, not wearing Mood"

 

"No"

 

"Try it, once is enough"

"No, the person who will be calm must not be me."

 

"Can't you lose? I can't accept it." He said like shit. "Time, let's make an appointment to eat. I can go with you."

 

"Are you going with me?"

 

"Well, let me sit with the Tiger in case you feel uncomfortable if you're not okay.

When should we stab him with a knife, brother?"

 

"Good, this offer is a deal." I immediately agreed when I heard that we would take it.

 

Let's stab Sing with a knife.

 

"It's shit. Your brother is so good at the mafia. How can you stab him?”

 

“We kill him first."

 

"Is it good to secretly put poison?"

 

"He should know what it is, Chief Kaeng?"

 

"The main branch gang leader"

"Are you so big, your gang?"

 

"Very much," I answered directly, "I don't know how to explain it to you, but it's very big."

 

"It's cool, damn it," Nao patted his knees. "And then summarise it?"

 

"I don't know if he will come to an appointment."

 

"Try it first"

 

"Well, it's okay, but you have to go with me."

 

"Well, I'm comfortable. I just met a real mafia. What would I be afraid of?" The person in front of me said that he was ready to make a trembling voice, the gesture of quitting, stealing suspiciously. "Let's make an appointment at a Bingsu shop? Reduce the uncomfortable atmosphere."

"Sing and Bingsu shop?"

 

"Ah, why doesn't your brother like Bingsu? Everyone likes Bingsu, no matter how brutal the mafia is, he can't resist." He made a serious expression.

 

But do I have to wear a suit and apply the gel?

 

"No, you can wear anything with Sing. You don't have to honour him."

"What does your brother look like? Do you have a picture?"

 

"No, his face looks like mine, but he’s twenty-three years old."

 

"Umm, okay, then... It's nothing anymore." Cold let go of us. We had been holding each other until it was hot. "All clear, comfortable, I'm sleeping, I'm so sleepy."

 

"Let's be together first," I said, holding back without thinking. The other party turned to look, confused. I immediately rushed to find an excuse. "What are you going to find? Let's see if we are together. Tomorrow is still a holiday."

 

"...Well, okay," the other party said, after hesitating for a while.

 

"Holidays go to bed, it's a waste of time. So I'll change your dirty shirt first. You connect to the computer and TV."

"K"

 

"Do you want to watch anime?" I immediately asked when he walked down. The cold guy came to sit down next to me.

 

"What anime?"

 

"I don't know, but I saw that it was fun. There are four sessions. Watch until Wednesday."

 

"Well, okay, the picture looks beautiful." The cold agreed. Then the two of us sat together on the sofa and watched the anime. We put on a small blanket. From the first episode, it was dull, but it gradually became more and more enjoyable. I peeked at the person next to me from time to time. I saw Nao frowning intently. Sometimes it wasn't until the expression on the face that I accidentally smiled without knowing it. "Fuck my hero is like a scum. Is this a hero or a sandbag?

"But a hero like you is good."

 

"Are you saying I'm a sandbag?"

 

"No, I mean that the hero is a kind person." According to the idea of this story, the hero is quite weak. However, at the same time, he is kind and enjoys helping others. Even people who don't know each other or are close to each other

 

"Fuck anyone, help him, motherfucker. Save yourself first."

"It's like cursing yourself."

 

"But the heroine is cool, so brutal"

"I don't see it as brutal at all," I argued.

 

"Cruel to death. That guy's teeth are broken. Cut the picture to the hero's knee. Weak, trembling, suddenly."

 

"No, the heroine doesn't have teeth. The tooth is the hero's friend."

"You're wrong, the heroine's teeth."

 

"No," I continued to argue. We argued until we had to reach out and press.

Stop the anime first. "You must have remembered wrong. The heroine has red hair."

 

"Brunette, wait a minute." Nao raised his hand. "You think you have a red head. Is it the heroine?"

 

"So you think it's a sugar head?"

 

"Yes, the sugar head has always been the protector of the hero. The hero from the beginning, why not the heroine?"

 

"But I think the hero likes red hair. He is also a childhood friend. The hero tried to protect this person almost to the point of death. But with the sugar head, he almost didn't protect anything."

 

"You're good at it. What are you going to protect?" Nao continued to argue. "Look. The poster is so outstanding, the heroine is, anyway."

 

"The red head is also prominent. Do you see the whole body?"

 

"I think we'd better search." The other party proposed to end the argument. The results of the search suggest that other people may still be unaware of who the heroine is. The writer hasn't yet answered to guess. It's the main issue that people are debating regarding this anime. "Damn, anime creates a rift."

 

"Anyway, I'm red-headed"

"Ah, let's see. But is this four-season over?"

 

"I don't think so. Otherwise, people will still argue about which one the heroine is."

"Yes,"

 

Then we continued to watch the anime. Press to stop talking. Some for a period of more than four o'clock in the morning. The cold began to take hold of me, causing drowsiness, before I fell asleep, leaning over to me.

 

With a close distance that is so close to each other that I can feel the breath.

And a warm cough from the body. I raised my hand and gently stroked its cheek. I wanted to hug it tightly and fall asleep at the same time, but I couldn't. The soft fragrance suddenly floated up and touched my nose, causing me to press my nose to his hair accidentally. That's soft without knowing it. After just a while, my heart beats hard without knowing the reason.

 

... At that moment, I realised that something was wrong with me. Looking at the person who was lying down without understanding, he raised his hand and held his heart, which was beating with concern.

 

This is.... What happened?

 

"Cold"

 

"It's cold!"

 

"Huh, what!"

"If you're sleepy, go to sleep upstairs."

 

"Huh, oh, uh, have a good night." Then the cold guy got up a little bit because of sleepiness and walked up the stairs. I looked at the other person without taking my eyes off him.  Deep within, I felt a sense of regret. The body was empty. The warm cough from that body was gone. I shouldn't have woken him up at all...

 

!!!

Sleep!

 

Better sleep!

Go to sleep now! It's four o'clock!

 

I pressed to turn off the TV and the computer, lay down vigorously and pulled the blanket over. Covering myself, trying to sleep impatiently. No matter how long I turn left and right, I can't sleep. When I close my eyes, my face and the tone of the cold are haunting. My heart is pounding and refuses to calm down. I feel indescribably hot in my chest. You bastard, cold! What are you doing to me?!