I Feel You Linger In The Air

Special 3 - Us

"Yai, what kind of picture will be exhibited in the gallery? Which artists?"

I stand under the tree in front of the little house, writing down the details of the expansion. The space under the little house has been renovated into a glass room to serve as a gallery. Beside me is a tall man with defined facial features of a half-Thai, half-American man....Yai.

It has been a month since I drove my car into the Ping River. It was a month full of....How do I put it? Heartbreak, pain, amazement, profound joy, and utter fulfilment.

"You only."

I turn to him. Yai is over a palm taller than me, so I have to tip my head up a little. His deep brown eyes staring my way make me avert my gaze. "Let me ask you one thing. Who would pay to see my drawings or purchase them? I'm not a famous artist."

I am not being humble about my skills or anything. I am pretty skilled, but not that extraordinary. Why would he display only my pictures in the gallery, anyway? Does he think I am Picasso?

"I'm not going to show them to anyone, and I won't sell them either."

"Hmm..?"

"I'll keep them to myself."

Ugh...

My limbs suddenly go weak as heat rushes up my cheeks. Is he serious? A gallery of my drawings only for him? Isn't he embarrassed if the house spirit sees?

"I like it when you blush," Yai says with a soft smile, and it makes me lose my balance even more.

"Please don't tease me too much. I'm working right now." I act serious, though I am not that unwavering now. If he starts flirting for real, I won't have the strength to reject him. "Let's take a look inside. If you want to make any changes, I'll talk to the interior designer again. That way, the work will be fast and smooth."

We walk on the flagstones on the path across the lawn. Our shadows stretch on the ground side by side, and I can't help but recall the past.

From everything we both have gone through-joy, pain, love, and the most painful thing: being apart-to our reunion, there has never been a day I am ungrateful for what I have today. Yai is the precious person who gives me the utmost happiness. I glance at his side profile. The pale green stubble lines his jaw. My heart oddly flutters. I want to do

everything for him to make up for how long he waited for me. I will do anything, as long as he feels happy as I do. Yai turns his head to me. Now he knows I am looking.

"You're peeping at me again, Jom."

"Yeah," I admit sheepishly. There is no use lying since we have already gotten caught.

"You'll be punished. You know that?"

"Yeah."

I look away so he can't see I am trying to stifle a smile. This Yai of mine is an ultimate angel, handsome, adorable, and kind. At 31, he is mature. However, there is a burning fire inside of him at the same time. He is gentle yet quite possessive. And when he expresses his ownership over me. It is beyond imagination. It feels like there are three people in one body.

Each night we shared our bed felt like picking a card from a pile. I had to guess how it would go every night. Gentle, rough, or thrilling? I don't want to think of the details right now. It will distract me from my job.

"What do you want for dinner? I'll drive you there." I changed the distracting topic to something else.

Yai has been in Thailand for around one month. He has been going back and forth between Bangkok and Chiang Mai because Lady Ueam Duean, his adoptive mother, lives in Bangkok with Thanya, his twin sister. I met Lady Ueam Duean when she arrived at Chiang Mai. She was a dignified woman. She had a slim figure, but her eyes were sharp and unyielding despite her old age. Many must be nervous when conversing with her. So was I.

Regardless, the nervousness was overpowered by my genuine admiration and respect towards her. Lady Ueam Duean was the person Khun-Yai in B.E. 2471 trusted and chose her as his heir. She was the one passing the key to me. I will be forever grateful for that.

"Pick the place for me. No spicy food, though."

"How about crab noodles? There is a good place near the moat. I'll take you there after work."

After that, I am busy with my job. I have to ensure precise results with the ceiling installers and electricians. Yai heads to the backyard to have an international call about his business.

In the evening, after I have gotten off work, I drive Yai to the crab noodles place as promised. Though I didn't grow up in Chiang Mai, I have to act like a local by default, as I know about the area more than he does.

"Jom, you have to eat a lot." He passes a big piece of crab meat from his bowl to mine. 

"You've spent a lot of energy, so you must eat a lot."

"Two bowls aren't enough for me? I'll be fat."

"You won't if you work out."

Well..it is easy for him to say that. He exercises seriously every morning. That is why his physique is ravishing. His shoulders are broad and fit. His abs are beautifully shaped, not ripped like a bodybuilder. Once I saw him swimming the butterfly stroke at the condominium and couldn't take my eyes off him. It was impressive and powerful, especially when he emerged from the pool... Wow.

What about me? Running a few times a week is considered good enough. Besides that, I sometimes work out in my apartment, doing push-ups and sit-ups, lifting weights, and jumping rope when I want to. I am not that active, but not that sloppy either. I can't afford to be careless about my health. Having a strong, healthy boyfriend, I need to take good care of myself.

After the meal, we drove to his place in the condominium by the Ping River. He bought an apartment on the top floor as his accommodation while the ancient houses were renovated. My car has been in the condominium parking lot since it crashed at his place the other day. Yai doesn't stay here every day since he still travels back and forth between Bangkok and Chiang Mai. Therefore, I mostly stay at the apartment my company has rented and sleep over with him at times.

I enter the lobby with Yai and wait in the elevator hall, a stack of his documents in my hands. Yai is talking to someone in the US on the phone. I wait until he is done and comes to me, then hold out the documents.

"I'll come here again in the morning." I smile at him. I plan to wrap up some work tonight so I can start on Monday smoothly.

Yai doesn't seem to hear me. Not taking the documents, he tugs my arm, pulling me into the elevator with him before whispering, "I'm so tired today. I want someone to scratch my back."

Really?

But he doesn't give me a chance to argue. Yai grips my arm like I am a prisoner, prone to running away. When the elevator door opens on the floor of his apartment, I step into the spacious living room with a dining room farther inside. I turn my direction to his office on the opposite side of his bedroom. I place the documents on his desk and walk over to the giant window overlooking the city and the Ping River at night. I push the switch to turn the window from translucent to opaque for privacy. There is not much stuff in his office, as it serves as his temporary workplace. Aside from the large desk beside the glass wall, there are built-in shelves and a couch set in the centre of the room for resting or reading.

Yai follows me into the room. He takes off his watch and unbuttons his collar. I glance at him and speak.

"Why don't you take a shower first and wait in your bedroom? I'll scratch your back there."

"I want you to do it here."

...Good grief.

I throw another glance at him. Yai has unbuttoned the three top buttons and catches a glimpse of his chest under his shirt. I step back by instinct.

"What are you scared of?" Yai says with a laugh. "You're acting like I'm a tiger about to devour its prey."

"I'm not scared."

"Then why did you step back?"

I gulp. Yai steps closer to me until I can smell his aftershave. He rolls his sleeves with his eyes fixed on me. His arms are firm, veins bulging on his skin...This is crazy. Why does he have to be so sexy rolling up his sleeves?

"I was going to get a towel to shower. I thought you didn't want to shower right now, so I figured I'd go first."

Yai gives me a slight nod. I march past him towards the door, feeling chills from his gaze. With that soft smile on his lips, I get feverish as though my life and body are in danger. Before I go far, Yai grabs my arm and hurls me into his embrace.

"I haven't hugged you today," he says softly.

"That's not true. You hugged me this morning. You also kissed me."

"I don't remember. Care to remind me?"

...How unfair.

But if I don't kiss him, he won't let me go. I tilt my head and press my lips on his. As we kiss, it hits me that he actually won't let me go if I kiss him. Did my brain go dead? The more we kiss, the more intense it gets. His embrace is too tight to escape from now.

I don't know which lifetime he inherits this trait of being easily aroused from. He begins caressing my skin. One of his hands slips into my shirt, fondling, playing with my nipple.

"Hmm.." I push his chest away as his fervent kiss starts to hurt a little. I don't even know why I resist.

"You're naughty."

"I'm not."

"Why did you give me the eye today?"

"I didn't," I object again, unable to think of anything else to say. My mind runs wild.

"I warned you, yet you still did it." His voice is stern, like he is scolding a child. Undoubtedly, I will receive some kind of punishment, though I am unsure what I have done wrong. A moment later, I get the answer.

Yai is on the big black tufted leather chair with me on his lap. My back leans against his chest, and my legs spread on his knees. My pants have been taken off and laid on the floor. I tip my head up and rest it on his shoulder in pleasure. Beads of sweat form on my temples from the blissful and tormenting sensations. My sensitive part is in his palm, growing bigger from the stimulation, nearly ejaculating, but he won't let me reach there. His fingers clench around the root to halt the orgasm. My back entrance is loosened and wet from the lubricant gel.

"Y...Yai." My voice comes out in a stutter. "Please..let..me come."

I beg in a voice that doesn't sound like mine, my eyes brimming with tears in this painful desire. My back entrance aches, and my balls feel tight. Yai cocks his head to kiss me, so long, like he wants to drive me crazy. He withdraws his lips and changes my position.

"Stay still and wait for me," a hoarse voice whispers in my ear. ..l can't believe I am doing this. I bend down on Yai's desk, my cheek pressed on the back of my hand, my legs spreading wide. Even if the glass wall behind has turned opaque, some light can still seep through. My naked backside is exposed in the dim yellow illumination from the light hidden on the ceiling. The slippery stickiness from the clear gel coats my back entrance and drips down my thighs.

I hear him unzipping his pants, but I don't turn around. All I can do is press my lips together tightly and close my eyes as if waiting to be executed. The shifting sound behind excites me even more.

"Ah..."

I let out a moan as his warm part squeezes inside. Yai pushes his enlarging firmness all the way in with a few hip thrusts. The moan in my throat is wimpy and quivering. The intense desire aroused by the previous stimulation has a tremendous impact. I move my hips to take in the pounding, my hands reaching for the edge of the table and clutching it, my ears hearing the sound of flesh hitting flesh.

My body twitches as I am about to reach the climax. I have a strong orgasm, my warm liquid spurting on the floor. My thighs shake so hard that I have to beg him.

"Um...hold up."

Yai doesn't stop. He keeps slamming his firm part inside of me, pinning me in this position until he climaxes. I pant weakly. Yai drapes his arms around my waist and props his face on my neck. He kisses it to comfort me, but I hiss, still irritated that I got smashed out of the blue on his desk. We are a few steps away from the soft couch. Couldn't he do it there?

Yai doesn't mind. He supports me up and kisses my cheek. "Now, we can take a shower." I feel so annoyed that I want to elbow him, but I can't bring myself to do it because he leans his handsome face toward me with a smile. His eyes are clear and pretty, and his curly hair makes him look like a cupid. And a cupid makes us fall in love and chases away our discontent. It is my common blindness. Despite being screwed repeatedly, I have never learned my lesson.

In the morning, I open my eyes on his bed with a sore body, feeling like my energy has been sucked out dry. The two pieces of crab meat he gave me yesterday evening were useless. It was like I bit his bait and got bitten by him again...How wicked.

So, I did three rounds last night. I suppose I don't have to remind you how sore I am right now. The first round was at his desk. The second round was on the bed. The third round was before dawn. The pleasure was so intense that I almost begged for my life. Fortunately, today is Sunday (but unfortunately, he knew and served me a full-course meal, so I don't have to drag myself out to work. I flutter my eyes at the soft sunlight casting on the blanket, too lazy to get up and go to the bathroom.

"Are you up? Have some breakfast."

I turn to look. Yai is entering the room in his white robe, carrying a tray of food. I sit up and take the neatly folded robe from the nightstand to put on. Yai sets the tray on the table, flanked by two chairs beside the window. I stand up and walk over to sit on one of the chairs. The breakfast contains two eggs, ham, broccoli, grilled potatoes, and aromatic coffee. I stare at his face intently.

In the faint sunlight shining through the window, Yai's face glows like a person who has slept and eaten well. On the contrary, I can barely keep my eyes open, and my hair is all dishevelled. It annoys me so much that I can't stop myself. "Did you have to be so hard on me last night? I wouldn't run away from you."

"Tell the person inside me," he says levelly.

"Are you blaming Commander Yai?" I look at him in disbelief.

"No, I mean the other one."

"…"

"I've endured it for a hundred years. Be sympathetic."

"Khun-Yai!"

"Come on. Don't be grumpy this early in the morning," he says, chuckling. "Eat first to light up the mood."

After the meal, Yai carries the tray out and returns with a warm towel to clean my hands. I smile at how caring he is. My irritation has vanished. It feels kind of weird to be taken care of by him. It is funny and cute.

"Let's take a shower," he says.

"Carry me. I'm drained. I don't have enough strength to walk." It is my turn now. I will make him pay. And he carries me, on his shoulder, straight to the bathroom. I protest, but don't struggle too much, fearing I will fall.

We soak in the bath together, pouring out the shampoo and making bubbles, taking turns washing each other's hair. Yai massages my feet as I lean on the edge of the tub, relaxing.

"This is heaven. It'd be nice if we could do this every day."

"Quit your job and stay here, then."

"Ugh..It's easier said than done. How am I going to get by if I quit my job? I'm not rich like you."

"Quit your job at your company and work with me."

"You're running a hotel business. I'm an architect. What position will there be for me?"

"I can find a position for you."

I open my eyes, my face tensing up despite myself. I know his intention is good, but I am not okay with this. I say, "Yai, I appreciate your kindness, but I'm not fond of the idea. I don't want to be granted a position I don't have the skills for. I don't want to be a sugar baby or sponsored by you."

He is stunned for a moment. "That's not what I mean."

"But you're making me feel that way." I regret what I say instantly. He meant well, and yet, instead of politely rejecting his offer, I spewed those harsh words without thinking about how he would feel.

Silence envelops us. I want to apologise, yet the word somehow won't come out. Yai furrows his brow slightly, pondering something. A moment later, he says, "Are you free next week? I want you to go to Bangkok with me."

"Why?" I ask in a soft voice.

"I have an important business, and I want you there."

I press my lips together a little. I actually wish for more explanation, but I don't want to oppose or upset him any further.

"Okay," I reply.

Yai smiles softly, and it melts my heart so much that I shift forward to hug him. A week later, we are travelling to Bangkok as agreed. We are in a limousine with a partition between the driver and the backseats for privacy.

Yai is gorgeous today. He is in a black shirt with the sleeves rolled up and denim pants, dressing casually on the weekend, but still looking expensive. I think it is his face that looks expensive. My boyfriend is so handsome that I wish to hang a sign, 'Mine. Don't look,' on his neck.

As we are on Sukhumvit Street, Yai asks, "Do you have some cash in your account?"

"Yes, I have," I answer. My last bonus is still in my account with all my savings. I have been saving up to see the Northern Lights if a change occurs. "Why did you ask?"

"Am I good enough to be with you forever?"

Hmm..? I blink and look at him in confusion. How did the topic about money turn into how he is good enough or not?

"Your answer?"

"Lah." I am at a loss for words; stuttering as I can vaguely guess how this is going to go. Yai narrows his eyes and asks in a deep voice, 

"Or would you rather have someone else in your life than me?"

Whoa...How fierce...So fierce.

I have finally understood. I bite the inside of my cheek, both amused and irked. "Are you proposing to me?"

Yai holds my hand. His voice is pleasingly resonant. "I love you. I want to be with you. Will you be my life partner?"

My heart is gone, melting into liquid at his feet. There is no need to mull it over because the answer has always been within me. I lace my fingers with his, hold his gaze, and reply with a smile.

"Yes."

Later, I discovered why Yai asked me to go to Bangkok with him. He has brought me to the jewellery store to pick the rings. ..He has it all planned out, huh?

I walk across the thick, smoky carpet laid along the floor in the jewellery store on Sukhumvit Street with Yai. Apparently, he has booked an appointment, because a staff member rushes in to welcome him and address him by his real name. I am a bit nervous because I have never chosen a wedding ring for anyone before.

"You have to buy it yourself because rings are supposed to be given to each other."

"Sure," I answer in a daze, feeling like I am walking on a cloud, not the floor. Even if Yai robbed me of all my money and left me with a few coins, I wouldn't protest.

"What kind of ring do you prefer?" I sweep my eyes over the rings in the glass display cabinets, glistening in the light. They are frighteningly sparkling. Just a glimpse and suddenly feel poor. These tiny diamonds are over a hundred thousand baht. But when I cast my eyes on Yai's finger and imagine my ring on it, my heart swells with vigour.

…All right! If I am going to have a husband, I must be willing to go all-in!

"Do you like a smooth ring or one with a diamond?" I ask.

"I like a smooth ring."

Yai chooses a smooth white-gold ring without a diamond. I smile when I see it. It is breathtakingly stunning despite its unfancy design. Perhaps it is because it is a wedding ring, and that is its meaning.

After Yai has selected his ring, it's my turn. Yai touches my waist and speaks gently.

"Pick the one you like."

I shake my head. "I have the ring that I love and suits me. I want to wear it as my wedding ring."

I lift my hand to show him the lion-head ring ornamented with a misty gemstone, an ancient ring no one has ever used as a wedding ring. His beautiful lips break into a bright smile. His eyes gleam, filled with love.

"This one is the best choice," he says.

"Yes."

In the afternoon, Yai and I take me to pay respects to Lady Ueam Duean together. She stays at the old houses she resided in before moving to the US. His sister is also there. She resembles Yai but has more Caucasian features.

Yai doesn't bring up the wedding rings or our plan to live together, but he treats me with attentiveness and gentleness. I feel a bit flustered when the lady's keen eyes land on the ring on Yai's ring finger. However, she asks nothing. We fly back to Chiang Mai together in the evening and celebrate our delightful love on the rooftop of a hotel.

I warned him not to be over-the-top, like booking the whole restaurant or spreading rose petals from a helicopter to show his great love. I wanted a typical celebration as it is special in itself. Deadpan, Yai told me he couldn't afford a helicopter, so he booked the nicest table on one side of the rooftop and requested the hotel to decorate the zone with Leelawadee trees, or 'Lantom,' and barricade us with a row of flower bushes for privacy.

I sip on the wine and listen to sweet jazz music played by a band. The evening breeze is pleasantly cool. The smog shrouding Chiang Mai last month has disappeared. The sky tonight is bright with the luminous full moon. Our table is adorned with a vase of fragrant ivory Lantoms. They are all Lantoms. No roses or other flowers. I run my fingers along the petals before asking a question.

"Do you think the lady could tell?" I drop my gaze, afraid of the answer.

"She's an adult who has seen the world for ages. Why wouldn't she be able to tell?"

I press my lips together. This is what I am most worried about. I admire and respect the lady. I don't want to be the cause of her distress.

"Do you think she can accept it?" I ask in a whisper.

"Give her some time," Yai says plainly. "But I believe she will try to understand and accept it one day. She loves me dearly, and she sees you as someone special."

"Really?" I raise my eyes at him.

Yai smiles at me. He reaches out and touches my cheek. "Yes, I'm positive about this."

Yai's answer soothes my heart and gives me courage. I need to show her my sincerity to her son. I flash a smile at Yai and add a shrimp from the shrimp cocktail on his plate.

"What about my family? Aren't you nervous? Are you afraid my family will build the walls between us?

Yai and I have agreed to visit my parents in Chonburi together. We intend to tell my parents we are going to spend our lives together. My parents know I am into men. They will probably be a bit shy because they suddenly have a son-in-law, but they will be happy for me.

"No," he says in a firm voice. "If I'm going to ask for their blessings, I have to show them my sincerity. If I were afraid of something like this, how would I assure them I can take care of their son?"

I smile, my cheeks bulging. I feel so shy that I have to keep forking more food into his plate to hide my shyness.

Our next plan is to invite my family, the lady, and Yai's twin sister to make merit together at the temple instead of holding a wedding ceremony. That is all I want, for people I love and care to know and congratulate us. I have no desire to announce it to the world.

"Now, never bring up the sugar baby thing again."

"Huh?" I blink stupidly.

"And don't limit my expenses. We are lovers. We are together as husbands, and a husband has the right to spend as much as he wants on his spouse."

...Unbelievable!

Did he wait a whole week to say this? Did he wait to claim his right to spoil me without my disapproval?!

My mouth and hands are itching. He didn't act nonchalant that day because he was upset I rejected his offer. He was planning to trap me.

...What a freaking cunning man!

"Why don't you just build a company and start a business for me?" I can't hold it anymore.

Yai locks his gaze on me. Those sharp eyes framed in long lashes display his determination. I quickly wave my hand to stop him.

"Don't do that. I'm joking. It's not that I'm too prideful to accept your kindness; I just want to work at a company like this for a while to gain more experience. When I feel confident enough, I will open my own company. I prefer to start from a small company first. I might rent a floor in some building."

"Taking it slow, huh?"

"Yes."

"How do I help you?"

"Give me your encouragement. I want that from you the most."

"I can do that for you, of course." His voice is incredibly pleasing. It spreads warmth to my heart.

"But if there are rich clients," I resume, "or if your wealthy friends want to build mansions or have big projects, you can recommend me."

"What do I get from doing that?" Yai seems like he is trying to stifle his smile.

"An eight per cent referral fee is deducted from the design fee. This rate is only for you. The others get only five per cent."

"Interesting." He nods a little. "Can I have a deposit first?"

"You haven't gotten me any job and already asked for a deposit. I think you'll scam me."

"Have I ever been sly to you?"

If I count from all three lifetimes, there are tons. I purse my lips at him before catching a sparkling object soaring in the sky.

"Oh...! Yai, a shooting star. Make a wish!"

I close my eyes and mumble my wish. I wish my married life with Yai to be smooth and free from major complications. When I open my eyes, I see him clasping his hands together like me. But I don't know what he wishes for since his face is blank. Then I notice an object moving in the sky, not shining or dying.

"Wait, was that the light of an aeroplane?"

"Yes."

I flick my eyes to him. Yai's expression looks very innocent...He knew it wasn't a shooting star. I stare at his face, not sure if I should yell or laugh. "Why did you make a wish with me instead of telling me it wasn't a shooting star?"

"Say the sea's a stream, I listen."

I can no longer hide my smile. A beam spreads to my cheeks. Why does he have to be so cute?

"What a poet. If someone heard, they'd think you're from a different era."

He smiles and says nothing more, tapping the table with his fingers in time with the music changing to the remixed old-style Thai song. Resting my chin on my hand, I take in the sight of him. The traits of Commander Yai and Khun-Yai from the past are part of him and always reveal themselves through his eyes and actions. Every time he touches me, I can sense their hearts inside him.

I am glad and grateful to whatever made him remember me. Maybe our strong wishes are more powerful than we can imagine, and they might send some forces that cause all sorts of incidents.

Commander Yai pledged to stay true to me in all lifetimes, and he is a man of his word, while he prayed that we would remember each other when we met again. Nonetheless, our courses of time flew in different directions, like he went clockwise and I counterclockwise. Our next destination wasn't the same place in B.E. 2471; it was now. Right now, I want to kiss him so much, but I have to contain myself. It will be better to wait and kiss him in the car or back home.

I gaze up at the moon, recalling the time ages ago when I asked the moon if it had ever stumbled upon me having a happy life. The answer is right here with me. My attention is drawn back to the present time when Yai turns my face to him with the Lantom in his hand.

He brushes my cheek with the petals and casts a captivating smile. I shoot a smile back at him with all of my heart. It must be so sweet because he shifts forward and kisses my lips. I kiss him back with my whole heart, not caring if anyone will see, as we are hidden behind the flower bushes. The only witness is the moon in the sky, which is covered by thin clouds.

Out of everything I have encountered and been through, those magical incidents must be unbelievable to everyone, except the man sitting beside me right now. The man who has given me his eternal love, no matter if 'eternal' means an endless time, the circle of time, or the jumble of time with inseparable pasts and futures, or whatever. To me, time might be nonexistent as Khun-Yai, Commander Yai, and Yai, who sit beside me at this moment...None of them is the past to me.

The End