I Feel You Linger In The Air

Chapter 27 - Sarantom Do you believe that

 

Once Commander Yai has said that and left, I stand there for several minutes to process my feelings, shocked, happy, surprised, and caught off guard. A tiny ball of joy assembles in my chest, like an undersized lotus blooming in a dry, abandoned pond.

 

Commander Yai doesn't despise me as when we first met. Furthermore, he seems to take a liking to me. The person despising you wouldn't kiss your cheek, right? My heart shakes at the thought. Commander Yai has made it clear that he wants to be closer to me, both physically and verbally. What he has done melts my heart, and I want to just follow him mindlessly. I can find pleasure by stepping into his tent through the curtain door and indulging myself in whatever will happen, but a small part of my heart holds me back.

 

I indeed love him. However, one-sided love is different from holding hands and getting through everything together. It is true that I tried every method to steal his heart before, but I was a mess and lost back then. Now, I am more collected and look forward with a calmer mind. Each day, I attempt to support myself in taking a step forward slowly but steadily, hoping I won't trip and fall at every step like before.

 

Regardless, now that Commander Yai opens his arms, welcoming me to step into his embrace, it becomes a decision more than I expected. This is not only about pleasure and physical activity. There are deep feelings included. This is about deciding whether to step forward alone or lean on his shoulder and step forward together. 

 

Confusion and fear cause me to stop and fall back. I can't move forward. I have been miserable and lost enough. I have no strength to put up a fight against whatever comes crushing. I doubt I can endure even a small disappointment. And when I ask myself what I am so afraid of, I can't pinpoint it.

 

Tonight, I don't share a cart with Captain Mun like before; instead, I ask the cooks if I can sleep in the tent with them, and they all welcome me wholeheartedly and respectfully. They go as far as to roll out another mattress and give me a pillow and a blanket. They used to see me as some otherworldly being because of my mysterious background. But after I had helped everyone escape the wildfire in time, they now treat me with acceptance and respect.

 

I sleep early, smiling by myself in the dark, and never leave the tent until morning. As it turned out, warning them about the wildfire brought more positive consequences than I expected. When I open my eyes in the cooks' tent, waking to the aromatic smell of food, I sit up and stare at the meal set Lom, the cook I once spoke to, has placed on the ground.

"Hmm...? Whose meal is this, Lom?" Lom cracks an amused smile. "Whose meal would it be? Please eat up, and I'll come back to take the plates."

 

"Hmm..?" I am still confused. "You don't need to bring my meal in here. I'm not sick. I can go outside and eat with Captain Mun."

 

"I know you're not sick, Poh-Jom, but Commander Yai, Commander In, and the royal physician all have someone serving them food."

 

Lom's words and expressions imply something I can vaguely assume. There is willingness and respect in his manner. I paste on a meek smile. Have they upgraded me to a status almost as high as the royal physician? They were scared of me as I could have been a warlock. I think they see me as their guardian spirit right now.

 

"The meal is different from what I had with Captain Mun and the men."

 

Lom laughs, "How can they be the same? These dishes aren't enough to fill the stomachs of the soldiers and servants. They prefer boiled beef or grilled pork. Nang-Inn, the royal cook, prepared this meal, in case it suits your taste buds."

 

Oh. I see. The cooks are divided into two groups. One group handles everyday meals and delicate dishes. The second group cooks food that boosts energy for those who need strength and travel on foot. I observe my meal in excitement. The set consists of turmeric rice with chicken and spice, fish curry, and clear soup served in a coconut shell, a savoury dish I get to taste for the first time. 

 

The dessert is these round balls covered in white sesame seeds, stuffed with mildly sweet ground green beans, with the fragrant scent from palm sugar. They are served in banana leaves pinned with small bamboo sticks, looking delicious. I think back to when I tried to steal Commander Yai's heart by making him breakfast. I almost humiliated myself. My food would never be half as superb as this meal set.

 

After finishing my morning routine, I gather with Captain Mun and the guys to continue the journey. They talk about the travel plan. So, Commander Yai has decided to speed up our pace to reach the small village ahead before dusk.

 

I crane my neck to look for Commander Yai and see him on his horse. He is overseeing everything before signalling the procession to advance. My heart thumps when he trots this way. I stood him up last night, leaving him waiting for nothing. I don't know how angry he is. I lift my gaze as Commander Yai approaches, scared of the treatment I will receive. Our eyes meet, neither of us speaking, then he turns aside. Whoa...he is upset.

 

I gape as he steers the horse away without so much as a word. Am I in the wrong here? He didn't wait for me to agree or refuse to go, but when I chickened out and didn't show up, he got mad. In the end, after contemplating for half the day, I decided to talk to him. I want to make up with him, that is. I already care about him dearly. Ever since he spoke to me with those sweet words yesterday, my heart has been inclining towards him.

 

During the break, I grab the chance when everyone splits up to find resting spots to follow Commander Yai, who is taking his horse to a brook to get hydrated. He seems to love this steed in particular. He always brings it to drink water by himself instead of letting the servants do this job.

 

"Commander Yai," I greet, sticking out my face from behind a tree. I must look quite ridiculous, but Commander Yai says nothing. He flicks his head to me and speaks levelly. "State your matter."

 

Whoa...How brusque. He isn't sweet and flirtatious like yesterday at all.

 

"I didn't show up last night," I say sheepishly, knowing half of it is my fault. Commander Yai turns to face me. He locks his eyes on my face as a gesture for me to explain my reason for disobeying his order.

 

"The thing is..! I was scared," I say.

 

"What were you scared of? Your chess skills are superior. I should have been the intimidated one."

 

...Chess is not the point here.

 

"I was afraid you would do what you did to me at the waterfall, I blurted. "To be honest, I was afraid you would do more than that."

 

Once I have said it, I know I have spoken too much... Damn me! Did he trick me into exposing my thoughts, or was I just an idiot? Commander Yai crosses his arms over his chest, his eyes gleaming. "You said you loved me."

 

"That's another matter, Commander Yai. If I let you take advantage of me, I would be no different from some wayside flower for you to pick on and throw away."

Commander Yai looks like he is trying to stifle a laugh, his knitted brow loosening. "What kind of man would compare himself to a flower?"

 

"Many, Commander Yai. You just never met one."

 

"How did you know I would take advantage of you?"

 

Hmm? The nerve. He embraced and kissed me in broad daylight. Who knows what he would have done in a closed tent? I bark back, "You wouldn't?"

 

Commander Yai is a bit taken aback. He lets out a soft sigh and speaks in a softer tone, "Jom, what kind of person do you take me for? Do you think I will force myself on you against your will?"

 

"You're only going to play chess with me, right?"

 

Seeing as I don't fall into his trap so easily, he blurts, "What's the big deal if I'm going to kiss you?"

 

"What?!" I am both amused and furious. Why is he so unfair?! "You can't do that, Commander Yai. I'm a child of someone, you know? You can't just kiss me whenever you like."

 

"Where are your parents? I'll ask for their permission."

 

"Commander..." I am at a loss for words. It doesn't do any good to talk to a shameless person. He has no shame, but I do, a lot of it. "I just hope we have a proper conversation that helps me understand you, the way you said you would explain your feelings to me in the pond. Well, if you don't promise you won't..um, take advantage of me, I won't go."

 

He stares into my eyes, looking like he wants to push on. But since I stare back unyieldingly, he finally mutters, "If you don't permit, I won't do it."

 

I hide my smile. "Very well, then. I will play chess with you in your tent tonight." Commander Yai nods. "Whatever suits you, Jom."

 

I step back to join Captain Mun and his gang, where they are resting. Before I put my foot on the ground, Commander Yai grasps my arm and leans down to whisper in my ear, so close that my hair stands on end. He squeezes my arm so hard that I don't dare to move.

"If you don't turn up tonight, I will search for you in every tent and cart. Try to run if you want to test me."

 

I gulp and promise him right away, "I'll be there. Please don't worry."

 

The journey is slower than they had planned because Princess Amphan throws up and feels fatigued. Subsequently, the procession halts many times, and each break takes longer than usual. In the end, we need to make camp in the woods again and will advance to the village tomorrow.

 

"How is Her Royal Highness' condition, Captain Mun?" I ask after the servants have finished setting the tents. The fire is built in the centre of the space where the grass is completely cut off. The sky tonight is dim due to the thick clouds. The air is pleasantly cool.

 

"The royal physician said there was nothing to worry about. The fatigue from the wildfire escape the other night caused Her Royal Highness to have trouble sleeping. The royal physician has given Her Royal Highness medicine," replies Captain Mun.

 

I nod in acknowledgement and watch the servants add pieces of wood into the fire. Tonight, the sentries are playing chess as always, though they try not to get too loud. I spectated their game for a while before poking Captain Mun's arm.

 

"Captain Mun, I'll go to Commander Yai's tent. He asked me at noon to have a rematch with him." 

 

Captain Mun mindlessly mumbles a response, his eyes glued to the chessboard. I clear my throat and continue, "I have a favour to ask of you."

 

"What is it?"

 

"Before the next shift, can you pick me up at Commander Yai's tent?"

 

This time, Captain Mun turns his face to me, obviously wondering if I have lost my mind. quickly explain.

 

"In the evening, I saw Commander Yai taking liquor into his tent. I fear he will think it will be fun to bet with it again. You remember how I was when I was drunk, right?"

 

Captain Mun thinks for a moment before agreeing. I walk past the carts and the servants' tents to the soldiers' tents. I suddenly feel excited even though I have been there several times. Commander Yai's tent is lit up inside. I stop in front of it and announce my presence.

 

"Commander Yai, it's Jom."

 

"Come in," answers the low, hoarse voice.

 

I part the curtain door and enter. Commander Yai sits cross-legged on the carpet with a chessboard and pieces at his side. The light from the candle in the brass holder glows in pale yellow. Farther behind him is his mattress. I feel more like a concubine offering my services than a chess partner.

 

I settled opposite him. Commander Yai only has his drawn-up cloth on, topless, his usual nightclothes. The unusual thing is my heartbeat. It somehow quickens, especially when I am reminded that those muscular arms once pulled me to his chest.

 

I turn to the chessboard set nearby. It is made of a nicely sanded square piece of wood. Each piece is arranged in its position. I pick up a knight, a long stone painted to resemble a knight. My piece. Commander Yai cracks a sparkly smile. "I had someone make this board to replace the cloth, but the pieces are yours."

 

I return a smile. The soldiers no longer play on the chess cloths as they have built proper boards. Even the pieces are carved from wood into shapes more similar to modern chess pieces. I slide the board to the centre. 

 

"Last time, you played the black pieces. Will you use them or the white ones this time?"

 

"Choose for me."

 

I nod, feeling oddly shy. He just told me to choose the pieces for him, but it gets me all tingling. Will we get to have a proper conversation tonight? I start the game by moving my pawn forward. Commander Yai doesn't take long to decide his moves, unlike me. I get slower and slower each time. My hand shifts my pieces while my mind gets distracted. Moreover, the way his eyes flick to my face and cast on my arms and hands as I move my pieces makes me fidgety. Eventually, point it out.

 

"Commander Yai, please look at the board." Instead of responding to my request, Commander Yai rests his eyes on me even longer.

 

"Jom-Jao, did you come here just to play chess with me?" His question cuts to the chase. I drop my gaze and recall when we were in the pond by the cascade. It felt like Commander Yai was about to voice his feelings to me. "Actually, I want to talk to you."

 

"What do you want to know?"

 

"Why are you suddenly being nice to me?"

 

"You're putting it as though I treated you so poorly."

 

"Didn't you? When we first met, you pointed your sword at my throat, then ordered someone to shackle me. Besides, you sniped at me at every opportunity. 'I don't trust you.' 'There are people with beautiful faces and evil minds.' Have you forgotten, Commander Yai?"

 

"I didn't love you back then."

 

"Hmm...?"My eyes go wide. The words I have never thought to hear leave me speechless. My mouth falls open without another sound.

 

Commander Yai heaves a sigh. "Jom, do you think I have no heart like the others? On the second night you spent in my tent, you were calling out my name in your sleep, in tears. It took me by surprise. Part of me felt sorry and wished to wipe off those tears and comfort you, but I had to stop myself. I didn't know where you came from or your intention."

 

It was the night I was ordered to sleep in his tent unshackled. I dreamed about looking for Khun-Yai until I found him waiting for me at the little house. I hugged Khun-Yai, tears running down my face, and let him wipe them away. But, in fact, it was Commander Yai brushing off my tears before I woke up. Warmth fills my chest. I tip my head down and mumble, "And so you continued to be mean to me."

 

"You're talking as if I were the only one being mean."

 

"Oh...When was I being mean to you?" I bob my head up. "You kept yelling at me. Did you forget when you chased me off? I taught everyone to play chess in order to be closer to you, but you kicked me out of your tent like a dog!"

 

"Huh?! But what did you do back then? How was I supposed to fathom your endearment? You suddenly confessed your feelings in intoxication and tried to get on top of me as though you were a woman, he growled, seething and kept thinking about what you had said until, before I knew it, the sun rose. One thing I made peace with was, goodness...I was lost to this pretty man. My heart played like a toy."

 

I blink stupidly as I listen. I didn't know he would also think about me until daybreak. Ugh, he's too adorable.

 

"And, on the next day, you told me it was liquor that made you say all of that. I had you in my mind all night like a madman, yet you said those words meant nothing. How could I not be angry?"

 

I bite my lip. How could I possibly guess his mind? "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I was also sad when you were mad at me."

 

"I knew you were sad when you sat quietly under that tree." His voice softens. "If my action hurt you, I'm sorry."

 

I hold his gaze. When Commander Yai scolds me, he scares the hell out of me. But when he is kind, he is surprisingly lovely.

 

"Ever since you cried on my back, I haven't been able to get that moment out of my head. When I opened my eyes, your crying face would slip into my mind. My heart felt concerned. I looked for you in the morning, but you acted indifferent. You know how many days it has been that way. How could I not be upset?"

 

I stare at the chessboard because I don't know where I should look to stop myself from grinning like a crazy man. Commander Yai is huge and strong as an army commander, but now he is whining about how upset I made him. Furthermore, he is soft to a crying person.

 

"During the wildfire, I witnessed that your heart was as beautiful as your appearance. In danger, you were concerned about others more than yourself. You love your friends as I do. Jom...I lost to you in every way. When I had a chance to ride with you, I kissed your cheek to let you know I loved you."

 

My heart races. I can no longer meet his eyes. All I can do is mumble a response in my throat in acknowledgement.

 

"You asked about my feelings, and I have told you everything. Will you not show me your kindness?"

 

"How do I show my kindness?" I ask in a whisper.

 

"Allow me to kiss your cheek. When you said you taught the men to play chess to get closer to me, I was happy."

 

Ugh...My limbs have lost all strength. How is he so good at flirting? Now that he is asking to kiss my cheek straightforwardly, I don't know what to do.

 

Commander Yai slides the chessboard to the side. He moves closer and presses his lips on my cheek. My face burns as my blood pumps. Commander Yai lingers, not backing away, his hands touching my waist and arm. His face is still close to mine, and I have to protest.

 

"You did it. Please move."

 

"Hmm.." He sighs, his hand holding my arm. "It felt wonderful, but not nearly enough, Jom."

 

"Oh.." I turn my face to him, and he kisses my lips.

 

"Hey!" I exclaim in shock when he wraps his arms around my body and pulls me onto his lap. "Commander… Wait! You said you wouldn't take advantage of me!"

 

"Just a little."

 

A little? Not sure when you got me on your lap like this! A few kisses can lead to something more. I didn't brace myself for this at all.

 

"Commander...This is not a little. Please stop," I cry out, trying to push his shoulders away, but Commander Yai is too strong. I struggle and push until we both fall on the carpet. I hit his shoulder with my elbow, to which Commander Yai responds with a smirk.

 

"Go on and hit me. I don't feel a thing. I'm more afraid your arms will be bruised."

How infuriating. I am about to throw another blow when the voice outside the tent halts Commander Yai and me.

 

"Commander Yai, this is Captain Mun. Is Jom inside? Did he fall asleep?"

 

We lock our eyes on each other. Commander Yai snarls, "Ai-Mun, that bastard. Has he nothing else to do?!

“I will whip him on the ground tomorrow." His cusses almost crack me up. Is Captain Mun's punishment that severe? "I'll tell him to leave."

 

"No, Commander Yai," I stop him. "I asked him to come."

 

Commander Yai looks at me, his eyes visibly resolute. I say in a stern voice, "If you insist on going all the way against my will, I can't stop you, but I will be very hurt."

 

My words freeze him. We hold each other's gaze with his body on mine. Commander Yai squeezes my arms, his gleaming, keen eyes flicking on my lips and down to my neck. know how he feels without saying. 

 

Commander Yai presses his lips together tightly, attempting to put his emotions at bay, then rapidly backs away. His voice is raspy.

 

"Hurry and leave, or I will take back my words and force myself on you and end up breaking your heart. My desire for you is overwhelming. I fear I won't be able to restrain myself."

 

I sit up and look at Commander Yai, who is a few inches away from me. Reluctantly, I speak. "I'll leave for tonight. I hope we can finish our match next time."

 

Commander Yai offers no response. I exit the tent and see Captain Mun waiting for me with his chin resting on his palm. He throws a glance at me but asks nothing. He must at least wonder why there was no sound of chess pieces hitting the board during a chess match. I explain myself awkwardly, acting all suspicious. "We've just finished. Thank you for picking me up, Captain Mun."

 

I walk with Captain Mun with my heart swaying like a treetop blown by the wind, nearly toppling over. Commander Yai isn't the only one restraining himself. I am no different. The touch on my cheek, lips, and every part of our bodies leaves an arousing feeling in my chest. It is sweet but also tingling. Tonight, I lie on my side, my back facing Captain Mun on the cart, and look up through the treetops to the moon, glowing faintly behind thin clouds. I smile at the moon like a crazy person. The smile might remain on my lips even when I have fallen asleep.

 

The next day, we arrived at a small village on another route to Seehasingkorn. It is a village in the middle of the woods with a few dozen households. Each house is built along the slope of the mountain, surrounded by paddy fields and cornfields. I notice streaks of smoke drifting from the roofs of some cabins, which means they cook inside.

The ambience of the procession instantly gets livelier. Ever since we fled from the wildfire until now, many of us have been worn out to various extents. Taking a break at this village feels like stumbling upon an oasis in the desert. The servants and soldiers split into a group to watch the carts and another to head into the village first, even before we reach the destination.

 

We make camp pretty far away from the villagers' fields. I observe the houses below. Cropped paddy fields occupy one side of the village, whereas the opposite is full of farms. The rice-planting season must have been over, so they are planting crops that grow well in the drought, like corn, beans, and sesame seeds, while waiting for the next rainy season.

 

"Jom, will you ride with me or join the group of soldiers and Captain Mun?" Commander Yai asks. The servants are setting up the tents and transferring the supplies from the carts. They have decided to spend two nights here to relieve fatigue before resuming the journey.

 

"With you, of course," I chirp the answer without thinking twice. Commander Yai helps me mount the horse, and we gallop across the grassland sloping down to the village below. Flowers dot all over the meadow, their tiny stems swinging in the wind as if dancing. I gaze down at the vast land below, where the cornfields stretch for miles on one side, making it look like the ground is covered in a giant green carpet. What an impressive view that I can only capture in my mind, rather than have it photographed.

 

Commander Yai kisses my cheek as I am amazed by the marvellous scenery, and he kisses me again a few moments later. I let him do it without protesting. I actually want to kiss his cheek as well, but, judging by how easily aroused he is, I have to hold myself back in fear that we won't make it to the village.

 

The horse carries us past the farmlands to the residential area. Commander Yai slows the horse into a trot as I look around in excitement. The houses are elevated and made of wood, roofed with lalang or Phluang leaves. The unique Galaes, two carved wooden pieces, crisscross at the gables. The villagers are clothed in handspun cotton fabric. The men wear Mauhom shirts. The women are dressed in sins and black long-sleeve shirts.

 

Commander Yai asks to meet the person who sells rice wholesale to add to our food supply. I look at him in surprise. He doesn't have to do this since there are already servants whose job is to store enough supplies for the journey.

 

Once we reach the place, the house owner welcomes us amicably after learning of Commander Yai's request. He invites us to rest on the bamboo bench in the front yard. Silver bowls of refreshing rainwater are served with betel nuts and tobacco. Commander Yai's horse is tied to a tamarind tree, enjoyably grazing the grass. I wait until the house owner walks off, then I ask Commander Yai in a whisper.

 

"Don't the servants and cooks usually take care of getting the food supply? Why are you doing it this time?" Commander Yai cracks a small smile and casts his eyes on me in adoration.

 

"The food supply isn't the point here. Did you not notice this house is bigger than the others, and the owner has goods to sell in large quantities? It means he is influential in this area. We need to form a companionship with him so that we can rely on him in future predicaments. If he hears pieces of news that may benefit our city, he might send words to us."

 

I nod in understanding. His thought is clever as the leader he is. Soon, the house owner returns to talk to Commander Yai. He offers metal equipment, such as axes, hoes, spades, and machetes, for sale, kept near the barn. They decide to go there together, leaving me waiting on the bamboo bench alone.

 

I swing my legs and drink cool rainwater as I wait. The relaxing breeze makes me want to lie down and sleep. I sweep my eyes to the plant bed beside the house. The vines of the plant crawl on the ground. My eyes widen when I see the fruit sticking out between the tangling leaves and vines. It is a watermelon. 

 

I get up and march to the watermelon's bed. I have never seen a watermelon attached to its stem before. I stare at the big fruit and swallow. Can I ask Commander Yai to buy one for me? This organic watermelon must be super sweet and juicy. 

 

The wind blows from the back of the house, wafting the fragrance of flowers in the air. I freeze. The scent is so familiar that it gives me chills. It is not the scent of wildflowers I stumbled across during the journey. I step into the backyard and find the source of the pleasant odour.

 

Amid a variety of plants, fruit trees and shady ones, all over the backyard, a Lantom tree stands in the centre of the dirt ground. The light brown-grey trunk spreads its branches and shiny green leaves. Bunches of white flowers dot the twigs, emitting their sweet scent in the wind. I stand there, gazing at the tree, enchanted, my chest filled with happiness and longing.

"What are you looking at?" Commander Yai's voice sounds, bringing me back to reality.

 

"Lantoms." I point at the tree. "I've just found out there are Lantoms in this area...Oh, northern people call them Champa Laos, don't they?"

 

I step into the backyard, where the Lantom tree is. Commander Yai trails after me.

 

"You know this plant? It didn't grow in this region previously. When the Khmer princess married His Royal Highness Prince Ngum of Lan Xang, she brought this plant to grow in the palace. Later, it was widespread to the people's houses due to its beautiful flowers and pleasant scent."

 

I smile. From what I have learned, Lantoms were brought to Thailand in the Fifth Reign when King Rama V visited Indonesia. Now, according to Commander Yai's words, I have discovered two versions of its origin. I bend down to pick up a fallen Lantom.

 

"You like the flowers?" he asks. I nod. "Yes. I used to put them next to my pillow. The fragrance helped me sleep soundly."

 

"Lan' means to throw away.' 'Lantom' means to throw away sorrow.' Lovely meaning."

 

I have never interpreted its meaning that way. I just thought the name sounded sad, like the feeling of misery and grief.

 

"If you like this plant, I will grow them around my house for you to pick their flowers," says Commander Yai. I glance up at him and can't help smiling. "You'll take me to live at your place?"

 

"Will you come?" His voice is soft and deep. His words make me turn away, a smile still plastered on my face. "I don't know. I might ask Captain Mun to take me in."

 

"Ai-Mun's place?" Commander Yai's voice darkens. "He raises ducks and chickens under his house. His sister will be married and leave the place in a few days. His house will turn into a pigsty then because a man like him is anything but tidy. He probably never washes his bedding and pillows. If he gets ringworm, I doubt he'll care."

 

Does he have to roast Captain Mun like that? I bite the inside of my cheek to stifle a laugh. "It has to be your place, right?"

 

"Right," he confirms plainly. What a great flirt and persuader. If I don't control my feelings well, I might lose it and be swayed by his words. I smell the Lantom to hide my shyness as Commander Yai rests his affectionate eyes on me.

 

A voice calls from the front yard, snapping us out of this inordinately sweet moment. We both walk back to the owner of the house, who has prepared everything. Commander Yai pays for the goods and tells the house owner he will send someone to pick them up later. After that, he takes me on his horse, and we trot around the village. As we pass this house, I hear something that sounds like a chant, like the family is holding a ceremony. I listen carefully. I know some northern words that they are chanting. Even if the words are old and hard to grasp, it is not entirely incomprehensible.

 

"Commander Yai, what is this family doing?" I crane my neck and spot people gathering inside, the lines extending to the fence.

 

"The blessing ceremony," replies Commander Yai.

 

"Um.. see." I listen again. "Wait. Why does it sound like they are saying, 'The missing spirits, come back. All thirty-two spirits, don't scatter elsewhere.' Why are there so many spirits, Commander Yai?"

 

"People in this area believe we have thirty-two spirits in our bodies. If we lose any of them, we have to call them back so the host can be healthy and not fall sick."

 

"So that's how it is. This is the first time I heard about it," I mumble in amazement.

 

Commander Yai guides the horse out of the village. We trot a long way to the pool at the farther side. It is the essential water source the villagers use to grow crops, wide enough to be a lake. My mind is clearer now. It feels like I can continue living here with little difficulty, unlike the first days after I got tossed into this era. Commander Yai brings lots of feelings to me: the warmth, the comfort, and the feeling of not being alone.

 

Once we are back at our camp, the tents are all set up. Tonight, they build a big fire on the ground where the grass has been cut off. After the meal is ready and we've all taken care of our own business, everyone gathers around the fire, as we did at Baan Thung Hin.

 

The night air is much chillier than the daytime, but the warmth from the fire shields us from the cold. Tonight, they don't play chess like usual. They simply drink, eat, and chat, careful not to get loud. It is a pleasing and warm atmosphere. I sit opposite Commander Yai on the other side of the fire. He talks to the soldiers next to him, but his eyes keep meeting mine. He smiles at me and smiles at him. Nothing can come between our feelings anymore.

 

The music from Princess Amphan's tents and the female royal attendants drift through the air. Despite being sick, the princess loves to listen to the tune played by the royal attendants. The melody is mellow and dreamy. Commander Yai no longer cares about the men chatting around him. He locks his eyes on me squarely. We hold each other's gazes through the blazing fire. 

 

My chest feels hot from this tingling sensation. But then, Commander Yai rises and says something to the soldiers. I assume he is telling them he will return to his tent. One of the soldiers playfully whines and tries to hold him back. Commander Yai laughs and walks off, not forgetting to throw a quick glance at me.

 

Have you ever been given the eye? It is indescribably arousing. I close my eyes, keeping my emotions in control, and tip my head to whisper to Captain Mun.

 

"Captain Mun, I'll go and play chess at Commander Yai's tent. And..." I clear my throat. "You don't have to pick me up tonight. I'll come back on my own when I feel sleepy."

 

I step towards Commander Yai's tent with this weird feeling. It feels like I am sneaking into a girl's room. However, the person in the tent is not a girl. He is a burly man who seems rather wicked. I stop in front of Commander Yai's tent, place my hand over my chest to calm down, and say, "Commander Yai, it's Jom."

 

My voice is a bit raspy from nervousness. When he permits me, I enter through the curtain door. Commander Yai is sitting cross-legged on the carpet. Further to his mattress, the light from the small candle

glows in the brass holder. The candlelight flickers over the content smile on his face, showing he is pleased and has been waiting for me.

 

"Are you going to sleep now? Am I disturbing you?" I ask out of courtesy.

 

"I hope you disturb me all night."

 

I shouldn't have asked that just to dig my own grave. I settle across from him on the carpet. Commander Yai looks at me with a smile before turning to the perfectly set mattress behind.

"I have something for you," he says. Commander Yai takes out a cotton bag around two palms long and places it in front of me. I eye it in curiosity. "What is this, Commander Yai?"

 

"Open it."

 

I move forward and part the bag as told. Inside is a twig with a bunch of flowers. Lantoms.

 

"I brought it for you to put beside your pillow tonight," says Commander Yai. I go still, stunned, my gaze resting on the fragrant ivory flowers in front of me. Tears well up in my eyes as I fail to hold them. Not expecting this reaction, Commander Yai hesitates, uncertain of how to act. "Did I do something to upset you and make you cry like this?"

 

"I'm not upset." I sniff, forcing my tears to stop forming. "Commander Yai, see, you used to do this for me in another lifetime. You brought me Lantoms in a handkerchief."

 

"It's okay. Don't cry." Commander Yai shifts forward and embraces me. He strokes my back and shoulders in comfort.

 

"When you're sad, my heart feels sad as well. Jom-Jao, don't let yourself be sorrowful by longing for the past. If we were once lovers in another lifetime, we are bound to be together in this one. We must have committed good deeds together since I fell in love with you in this lifetime as well."

 

Warmth spreads in my chest, sweet and consoling like his words. I lean my head on his firm shoulder and drape my arms around him willingly. "Can you say it again? I want to hear it."

 

Commander Yai props his hands on my shoulders and pushes them off gently. He lands his gaze on me and repeats, "Jom, I love you."

 

I smile. Those droplets welling up in my eyes turn into tears of joy. I stare deeply into his eyes and utter.

 

"I love you, too, Commander Yai."

Commander Yai cups my face in his palms and kisses both of my cheeks. "I'm relieved now that you're smiling."

 

"Where did you get the Lantoms?"

 

"From the tree you found. When you didn't notice, I rode my horse back to the village."

 

I pick up the twig of Lantoms to my nose and mumble, "Great effort."

 

"Do you know that Khmer people call this flower a Sarantom?"

 

I lift my eyes. "What a lovely name. And it sounds like a Lantom. Do you know what it means?"

 

'Sarantom' means 'great love."

 

His lips curve into an appealing smile as clear as his eyes. I smile back. It feels like our hearts are so close. Commander Yai brushes my cheek with his knuckles and gently says, "Put down the flowers so the petals won't be bruised."

 

He takes the twig of Lantoms from my hand and lays it next to his pillow. "I'll put it beside the pillow as you like."

 

I flick my eyes to his hand and protest, If you put it next to your pillow, how will I smell it?"

 

Commander Yai's eyes sparkle, cheekily glistening, to my annoyance. "Are you going to sleep on the cart? The air is freezing tonight. Stay here with me."

 

Wow...besides being flirtatious, he is strategic. In this chilly weather, Captain Mun and the men will be crammed in the tents as well. There are tons of blankets. I won't suffer from the coldness as he implies.

 

Receiving no reply, Commander Yai moves closer and slides his arm around my back, his other hand caressing my upper arm.

 

I eye him. "What are you doing?"

 

"Tucking you in."

 

Is he going to tuck me in just like this? I am both amused and shy. I can stop him, but I know I don't want to. Still, I am too annoyed by his sly action to let him have his way.

"I haven't said I would spend the night here." I look at his face. My heart drums when I see his gentle smile and playful eyes.

 

"Jom-Jao, don't hesitate. It's normal that lovers want to be close to each other. Don't you want me to give my love to you?"

 

My cheeks burn from his direct words. Commander Yai holds my hands and strokes the backs of them gently.

 

"Jom, if you give me your body and heart, I will lay my heart on your lap and no one else's."

 

He kisses my hands, softly and lovingly, melting my heart. When he raises his eyes, I kiss his sharp nose and say. “I will let you keep my heart as well."

 

We exchange a smile. My heart feels so full with feelings that need no description. He leans his charming face towards mine, and I close my eyes as he presses his lips on my cheek. Commander Yai moves his lips to the corner of my mouth, his hot breath making my heart flutter. When his lips touch mine, I tilt my head so our lips are completely sealed. My chest tingles as if my body is about to plummet as he slips his tongue into my parted lips.

 

The kiss is fervent and overwhelming, and it excites my lower part. I slide my palms up and caress his bare chest. It is firm and full in my hands, just the way I like it. Commander Yai's breath gets ragged a little. I know it is because of thè touch of my hands. His kiss grows more intense, and I absolutely love it.

 

Commander Yai unbuttons my shirt. I don't protest until he pulls the shirt off my shoulder. I catch myself and grab his hands. "Put out the light first, Commander Yai."

 

"No need to put out such a small candle. When the whole wick is burned, the light will snuff itself."

 

"It will take a while before the wick is burned throughout. Please snuff it, Commander Yai. Someone might see us."

 

"Who would dare to come here without my command? Jom-Jao, don't be shy. Take off your shirt."

 

How stubborn. I turn my head away from the kiss he tries to distract me with. "It's okay to take my shirt off in the dark. I'm not planning to leave, anyway."

"I want to see you clearly. When I saw you bathing by the waterfall, your skin was strikingly fair. I dreamed about it for nights. Can't you spoil me a little?"

 

My heart goes soft from his pleading. My shirt falls off my body. Commander Yai showers my shoulders with kisses and nuzzles my neck. My body is gently pushed down on the mattress. Commander Yai kisses my neck and down to my chest, and I hold him in satisfaction. When his lips touch my nipple, I arch my back and moan.

 

His tongue is warm and wet. He sucks them so hard that I shiver. The sensation shoots down, hardening my sensitive part. I flutter my eyes open as Commander Yai pulls away.

 

Commander Yai looks at me, casting his gaze all over my bare skin. My neck, my chest, my abdomen. His eyes darken as his desire intensifies. Heat rushes up my face when I drop my eyes to my body. My fair skin is now pink from the pumping blood. My nipples are wet and stick out, revealing how much I enjoyed what he did.

 

I hold my breath automatically as he unties my drawn-up cloth. I seize his wrists, but Commander Yai knows exactly what to do. He kisses me again. His skilled tongue sucks and swallows until I forget myself and let him take the fabric away with no strength to put up a fight.

 

Completely naked, I tremble a little under the candlelight and his sparkly keen eyes. Commander Yai caresses my chest down to my stomach. His palms are rough as they always hold weapons, and they make me shiver even more. The candlelight brightens his face. Commander Yai leans his face down and nuzzles the clump of hair and my sensitive part.

 

A moan escapes my lips. My hand flies up over my mouth in an attempt to muffle my voice. His breath is hot, and his lips are terribly naughty. I reach down with one of my hands and run my fingers through his thick hair. My body twists in pleasure, feeling the clear, sticky fluid seep out of the tip of my thing. Commander Yai slides his hands up my legs. His rough palms fondle my inner thighs, sending this unbearable contentment all over my body. I tense up as I feel he is spreading my legs. Commander Yai whispers in a deep, low voice.

 

"Jom-Jao, spread your legs. I want to see every inch of your body."

 

His voice puts me under a spell, making me obey. Despite the embarrassment, I let him do whatever he wants. My thighs part, exposing every nook and cranny of my body.

Commander Yai grunts softly, and it makes me feel hot. He places his hand on my crotch and touches my hard part down to my balls. He fondles them the way only men know it will feel good. His fingers trail down and press the skin over the sphincter, and I cry out in a quivering voice.

 

"Commander Ya...Wait, do you know how to do it? I'm a man. I mean, ah, do you know where to put it in?"

 

"I see only one place to put it in." You know-it-all. I bite my lip when he presses the skin near the sphincter again. The pleasure sucks out all of my patience, so I tell him.

 

"Commander Yai. Do you have anything to lubricate it?"

 

"Hmm?"

 

"Something that will reduce the pain when you get inside me."

 

He acknowledges and shifts towards the mattress. I watch him take something out of a leather trunk at the end of the mattress. It is a glass bottle of clear liquid.

 

"Coconut oil. Very scented and slippery."

 

I give him a slight nod, and Commander Yai leans down close. He embraces me and showers my neck and chest with kisses. Our bodies rub against each other. I can feel his thing nudging my groin. He is turned on a lot, given how it has enlarged and gotten so hard.

 

I suck in my breath, overwhelmed by the sensation, imagining when it enters me. I might sound like a pervert, but Commander Yai is worse. He whispers in my ear.

 

"Let me give myself into your body. You are so wet, Jom-Jao."

 

Why wouldn't I know my clear liquid is flooding out on his stomach? But I can't let him get inside me now.

 

"Wait, ummm...you have to help me first. Put the oil in the bottle on your fingers and loosen it for me."

 

I hate that he is such a quick learner, probably hating it as much as loving it. Commander Yai removes the lid, pours the coconut oil in his palm, applies it all over his hands and fingers, and comes closer to me. I decide to flip on my stomach, hug the pillow, and hide my face from his gaze. Commander Yai gets on top of my body. He places his hand on my butt and caresses it. 

 

The caressing changes into fondling. I bite my lip as he lowers his hand to my back entrance. He circles my sphincter and presses it with his strong fingers. The pleasurable and tormenting sensations are driving me crazy. His other hand kneads my hip. I gasp when he squeezes his finger inside the tight passage, and I moan despite myself.

 

From one finger to two fingers. My hips are lifted. He slips one more finger inside and moves it in and out, swirling them around slowly as though to drive me insane. He has discovered the spot that gets my whole body shivering.

 

"Commander...ah, put it in. I can't take it anymore," I beg, my back entrance throbbing. I need him now.

 

Commander Yai withdraws his fingers. Hearing him shift behind me, I turn my head and see him applying coconut oil to his fully erect part. He slides his palm up and down. The oil makes it shiny. It is firm and huge, corresponding to the size of his body. I turn my head back in alarm, imagining when the frighteningly large tip squeezes through my sphincter.

 

My hips are raised even higher, putting me on my knees. I keep my face buried in the pillow. Commander Yai presses his firmness against my back entrance and pushes it in. My voice is muffled in the pillow I am holding tightly. My back entrance is so tight it might tear. 

 

Commander Yai moves slowly, impatiently pushing the particularly huge part inside. When the thickest part has gotten in, I let out a sigh of relief. Before I can brace myself for what is to come, Commander Yai withdraws his hips and slams it halfway in. Bliss shoots up my spine, and I almost shoot my load.

 

My inside is flexible enough to take him in more now. Commander Yai grips my hips and moves at a constant pace. He thrusts it deeper and deeper, rubbing my prostate. The front of his thighs hits my skin in rhythmic slaps. My mind drifts as if I am in a dream. I gasp when he pulls it out and shoves it all the way in. I have reached a state of ecstasy.

 

Commander Yai kisses the nape of my neck and hugs me as I shoot out my semen. My legs shake so much that he has to let me flop on the mattress, seeing as I can no longer balance my body on my knees. He props his body on mine with his thing still inside me. Commander Yai gently kisses my cheek and shoulder over and over.

 

I have climaxed, but he hasn't. Soon, Commander Yai starts moving again. I whimper because the orgasm still hasn't worn away, yet I feel sorry that he hasn't ejaculated. Commander Yai slips his arm under one of my knees and lifts it so he can push his part inside without me getting on my knees.

 

He moves his firmness in and out of my body. Each time arouses my pleasure, and my part gets hard again. I moan softly, which confirms to Commander Yai that I am turned on again. Commander Yai lets out a low grunt. His prior gentleness turns into something entirely different. He yanks my hips up and slams it violently. I have to steady my body on my flat palms to take in his aggressive thrust, though it barely helps. My body bounces from the impact. 

 

"Commander..ah, slower...um.."

 

He doesn't lower the speed. On the other hand, he slams his hips harder and faster. The pleasure deep in my stomach increases. Commander Yai's sweat drops on my back. His hands grasp my butt cheeks and spread them so he can see every thrust inside my body. I bite my lip, nearly losing my mind. My muffled moan begins to sound like a sob as I am about to have another orgasm.

 

Commander Yai pounds it in a few more times and buries it deep inside at the last thrust as though to embed it inside of me. He releases his load continuously. My body shivers and tightens, absorbing every drop. We lie on our sides, with him embracing me from behind. A few moments later, Commander Yai shifts. He kisses my shoulder and pulls out his thing. My thighs are smeared with the liquid flowing out. 

 

Commander Yai pours clean water from the pitcher on a towel and wipes my body. I breathe weakly from the rough battle with the real commander, who isn't only formidable on a battlefield.

 

I have no clue when the music played by the female royal attendants stopped. All I can hear right now is the breeze dancing through the leaves. Commander Yai pulls me to his chest and snuggles up against him for warmth. Commander Yai kisses my forehead and holds me until morning.